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The quietness made keeping his eyes closed impossible, the foreign feeling of being in a room that's not his bubbling up and transforming itself in a nasty wave of anxiety that swiped his whole body at once.
It was so easy to swing his eyes open, and even more easy to focus them on the man beside him, siting at the edge of the giant bed, looking out of the open balcony window.
He could feel his stomach turning in itself like it wanted to tell him something he couldn't have possibly figured it out yet, his toes curling and his arms stretching on its on, he reached out without even realizing it, like when you're falling and grab on the closest thing next to you; Jooheon wasn't falling, or being threatened, or scared, but he still reached out like his life depended on it, curling himself on the man's back and sliding his delicate fingers on the scratches from last night, almost like to confirm he wasn’t dreaming, and that the warmth was real.
Jooheon didn't really knew clarity and spoken feelings so he couldn't quite place it still, his chest was warm and his heart was beating steady. It wasn't rushing and skipping beats, it was certain, like it had no room for doubts anymore, it was settled, there in Changkyun’s body, in his scent, warmth, and in the way he always uses his heart in his sleeve for Jooheon to see.
He was settled from the time Changkyun opened the door and welcomed him in, even though he had ran away so many times before. He couldn’t move even if he wanted to. And the younger knew it, he knew it when he embraced Jooheon in the hallway, so tight all the despair disappeared, just to be confirmed so many times more during the night, looking him directly in the eyes and whispering in his ears how much he loves him.
Changkyun made it difficult because they both knew it was his last shot. He made it transparent from the way he looked at Jooheon head to toe, like the man in front of him was the only thing that mattered, to the way he kissed him, long and dripping with love.
He made his feelings known, whispering right before finding his way inside, right after each kiss laid on the creamy inviting skin, he moaned and hummed making himself be heard and felt, it was truly his last attempted of finding the spot next to him occupied in the morning.
The scent of them both was mixed in the air. The feeling of being loved was swallowing him whole, and Jooheon couldn’t possibly think a better place to be, not even in a million years.
Running away was exhausting, and running away from the only good thing you have in life, from fear of fucking everything up, is hurtful.
He never belonged, but now, that was the only thing he could feel. Belonging. Deep inside his heart and in the tip of his fingers, where he could feel Changkyun’s warm skin. Belonged, body, soul and feelings.
His eyes fluttering shut, and his arms tightening around the other man’s waist, he wished Changkyun could feel everything so he hugged him even closer, gently lying his head on his shoulder, blowing a mouthful of cool air in his neck and praying to himself, “Would you let me stay?”
Jooheon didn’t want to imagine having to go, even though he would understand if Changkyun asked him to, because he's too complicated and broken, and he had left just kissing him goodbye too many times before.
But this time…
This time he knows something changed, and it’s not because Changkyun made his last try, it’s more than that, it’s the way he can’t bear to be away from Changkyun any longer, and how “I love you” slipped from his lips for the first time.
In the beginning it was chaos, it was a quick fuck in the bathroom when no one was looking, it was rushed and dirty, no feelings but adrenaline. It was shallow until it wasn’t anymore, and the other man was opening his heart and inviting him in, so sincerely Jooheon couldn’t take it. It was like being underwater for so long and coming to the surface not knowing how to breath.
A “scaredy-cat” Changkyun once said jokingly, like both didn’t know it was the truth.
Breathing is easier now. He feels like he could do anything as long as the man he’s hugging right now hugs him back. It’s so much easier that he fills his lunges with fresh air, again and again.
Changkyun run his fingers through his arms, the slowest possible, prioritizing every single second as if Jooheon would disappear when he reaches the tip of his fingers, when he doesn’t, Changkyun allowed his head fall back and placed a kiss on his cheek, and then two, and three, by the fourth Jooheon met his lips, and they share this precious long kiss where they could feel their lips turning upwards in tiny smiles.
It felt different. It was new, so they sat in silence, appreciating each others company, soaking it up like a sponge while the sun hit their bare skin and warmed them up even more, “Are you staying?” Changkyun asked with his raspy morning voice echoing inside Jooheon ears, so deep yet so clear it made his legs tremble even though they were wrapped around the other.
He wanted to say “Yes, I’m staying.” instead all he could mumble was a begging “Please?” sounding so crushed it was almost unrecognizable, so out of character.
The bed shook by Changkyun’s body going up and then down again, quickly changing positions and embracing Jooheon in his chest, their legs tangling up like they were one “I’m not letting you go.”
And he meant it, because there was no going back now, he couldn’t possible live and not wake up to Jooheon next to him every morning, it had already rooted deep inside.
“I'm not going anywhere.”