Work Text:
One of the few reasons Acxa was grateful to be raised in the Empire was that she understood that her other species was more short-lived, that she was going to outlive the friends she made and family she found that were lucky enough to not be born into the warring species.
This small gratefulness hit her recently, as she witnessed Keith slowly realize that he was likely going to outlive the other Paladins by at least several centuries.
While he did look like an adult now- his sclera now prominently yellow and face narrowed out- it was rather saddening to watch the other Paladins age around him while he looked to be frozen in time. Next to the human Paladins, Keith looked hardly any older than twenty years. While this was normal from the eyes of the long-lived Galra, watching the humans quickly age was more heartbreaking than Acxa expected.
Perhaps Keith was in subconscious denial. Maybe he just forgot. Maybe it was the visible consequence of growing up on your other planet; your formative years spent immersed in the culture, so much so that you forget that you aren't one of them. A consequence of looking so human you forget you aren't human yourself. Yet another reason for Acxa to appreciate her horns.
She set down another bag of dried fruit into the arms of a thankful and teary-eyed starving civilian.
______
Knowing you will live for a long time is less of a blessing than people might expect, especially when you are a Galra, someone born expecting to fight and fight and fight until you die before you reach your prime.
What do you do with all those extra, unnecessary years? Waste them away? Make something worthwhile until you get bored again? That was truly the core of it; living for a long time, such as the Galra, was dreadfully boring. If, of course, you didn't directly work for the Empire.
Meeting Sal was rather interesting for Acxa and her friends, a Galra who had somehow managed to step down from the military to work at a civilian job. Most Galra who step down are taken away to execution- they all know this. Sal was rather happy with his life and how it turned out; while his story in escaping the Empire's military made sense logistically, it was most likely he was just incredibly lucky.
Working for the Empire took away your freedom. From the time a Galra can first read, they learn to praise Zarkon and begin to earn basic military strategy. If you are a Galra, you never expect to step down, retire, take a break; if anything, you learn to accept that you could die at any time for any reason, even for something as simple as a head commander having a bad day.
Now, there was no war to fight, only a mess to clean. The former Empire's Galra were unsettled with their freedom from Zarkon and other warlord's militaries, so used to living to die for their God-Emperor that having a second option in their life seemed unimaginable. This was a major issue for Empirical Galra in the slow transition back to Daibazaal.
The Blades were content.
Acxa wants to ask Krolia what she was thinking, landing on Earth all those years ago, a pre-warp planet with primitive yet practical technology. How much did she learn about humans in that time frame? Did she appreciate Earth for it's lack of technology and communication with the outside universe? Or was she itching to leave it?
Of course she wasn't waiting impatiently to leave the planet. Her baby was there. Acxa was certain that Krolia would have abandoned her position as a senior Blade in a heartbeat for Keith, living in hiding on a planet not knowing of the Empire's existence, raising a half human child with her partner. An unconventional scenario for all parties involved.
Acxa can't say the same thing for her Galran father. She can't remember his name, only knowing she was an illegitimate child written out of the family registry. That happened to most half Galra, like Ezor and Zethrid and Narti and so, so many others. It even happened to Lotor, a fact known by the entire universe.
Ezor must be stressed lately. She's talking about Narti again.
______
The cold metal seat was uncomfortable, causing her to shift all around the chair in vain. Acxa was alone at the table as she ate a late lunch, the cafeteria currently manned by technology.
The seat next to her rattled and shifted, prompting her to look over to see her new neighbor. It was Keith, currently dressed in casual clothes consisting of a black leather jacket and equally dark tight jeans. He looked at her and smiled as he set his tray next to her.
"Late lunch too, huh?" She nodded, her mouth too full to respond.
The spent the rest of their meal in mutual silence. It was nice, and before long, it became a routine while they were visiting the Garrison. They were only on Earth for a short month before they embarked again on their journey without an ending.
______
When Acxa fell in love, it was fast and terrifying and fiery, so different from her outward demeanor. She never expected to mutually fall in love with someone, not after Narti's death, not after Ezor and Zethrid found each other, not after the gentle but firm rejection from Keith. Both she and him were much happier as close friends, perhaps even best friends, as they found through years of increasingly personal yet casual conversations.
She expected to fall in love with another half Galra, so she fell in love with half Galra. Perhaps a better word was crush, but that always felt too light of a word to describe the depth of her passion she had felt for these men and women.
The one she fell in love with had loved her back with feelings that matched her own depths. Her name was Veronica. She was so different from Acxa in her appearance, perhaps even opposites, and yet Acxa felt she had met herself from another life, a luckier life. Veronica was stern, yet allowing herself to be carefree when she wants to be.
Veronica taught her to be loose and casual, helped her with making and maintaining friends with both the MFEs as well as the Paladins of Voltron. Veronica taught her to open up, which Acxa owes her title as an 'official nerd' to. Most importantly, Veronica taught Acxa how to have fun, how to laugh and let her emotions pour out through expression.
Acxa knew Veronica would die before her. Unlike Keith, who she initially and incorrectly thought was her soulmate, Veronica was fully human. Veronica was going to die eventually, inevitably, and no amount of love could cure it.
She just wished she had the thirty more years with Veronica she was looking forward to, or twenty, or ten, or five... or even one. Months. Weeks. Days. Anything.
Veronica died of breast cancer at forty-six, caught too late to have anything done to help it. The disease ran in the family.
Even one more hour with her would be nice.
_______
A regret of Acxa's, once she got her footing on the rocky surface of adjusting to the Voltron Coalition, was not getting to know Allura a bit more. Queen Allura, now. In the most general sense, Allura and Acxa both shared the bitter feeling of betrayal by the same man. They could have comforted each other, helped each other in a time of need, a time of sorrow and deep anger.
More personally, Allura reminds her of Narti; when she and her dead best friend were young and secretly communicated through touch telepathy. Allura is caring but callously determined, so much like Narti; perhaps Acxa subconsciously avoided her because of that, the wound of her deceased friend too fresh in her heart.
Allura, like Keith and Romelle, will live on long past the Paladins. Unlike Keith and Romelle, she understands this as fact, and has long accepted this years and years ago.
She mentions this to Acxa one day, in the weeks after Veronica was fatefully taken away by the fatal illness, Allura's expression downcast in sympathy, tears shining in her deep sapphire blue eyes.
"You know... one day, I will have to live on for a long time without Lance. I know this. And yet, it's so much harder watching it happen when you think you're prepared."
Acxa understood. She didn't respond, though, her voice had been lost in the swirling grief.
______
The war was over, yet nobody could or would have the audacity to say it was "peaceful".
The Garrison is still the Coalition's headquarters, really, it is hardly called the "Coalition's headquarters" these days. It is enormous compared to how it was when Voltron first stepped foot back on the planet, back into yet another catastrophe caused by the iron fists of Zarkon's Empire.
Problems arose every day at any time for any reason, from things as small as a resource request to a piracy ring attacking a faraway planet. The Blade of Marmora dealt with both of those things, and more.
Acxa, Ezor, and Zethrid soon learned that what they were doing in the Blade of Marmora was very different from how the organization used to be. A lot of their work was humanitarian and they rarely got into scuffles, oftentimes those missions were handed over to full blooded Galra who were able to intimidate piracy leaders more easily.
Acxa was happy with her work. It felt like she was giving back to the people she had helped in keeping down, an apology spoken through actions rather than words.
Zethrid had mellowed slowly along with Ezor. Neither were too battle hungry anymore; Acxa doubted they ever were. They acted out in response to oppression, but now they were free in the open minded Blade of Marmora.
Acxa wished she had known about the Blade of Marmora when she was still a teenager, before Lotor took her in, when she was still having her opinions molded. She would have become a Blade in a heartbeat during that time of her life.
Perhaps, in the Blade of Marmora, she could have rooted out the mindset that she was a lesser person for her genetic makeup before it was ingrained so deep that it was nigh impossible to root it out.
______
The first time Keith's appearance was pointed out to him, untouched by the slowly passing human years, was during his 52nd birthday. Many of the people who attended the celebration were Galran, but when the human Paladins arrived, they created quite the scene.
"Dude, what products do you use?!" Lance had shouted with a large smile on his face and a drink in one hand. "You don't have a wrinkle in sight, it's like you're still in your prime! Tell me your secrets!"
Keith had stood there, completely stunned, before looking at the other Paladins who were looking back at him expectantly. Acxa, who was watching the scene from the sidelines, could almost hear his stomach drop as he was hit with the realization that he is not aging like a human; he is not human.
The human Paladins didn't quite make the connection Keith had right then, he shook himself out of his and made a typical quip back at Lance. She's sure they did as the party progressed on, yet they kept the joyful smiles on their faces despite the grip of inevitable early death on their shoulders, while they celebrated the birthday of their friend who will live on past them for centuries upon centuries.
Her and Keith were not the only ones mourning the short lives of humans. Romelle had no idea that humans were short-lived, and her shock to see Hunk with streaks of white hair was loud; tearful when she learned why it was happening.
Coran was the one who explained this to Romelle, a saddened expression weighing down his usual bright, wrinkled face. It must be especially hard on him, the elderly Altean watching the Paladins he knew as children age faster than himself.
Queen Allura had long accepted their short lives, but as the time grew closer that Lance would be taken by old age, she had already begun to start the mourning process. She drew into herself; spent more time with Lance. The new Altea would mourn with their queen for their aging human prince.
Acxa mourned with Allura as well. For the Paladins that gave her another chance. For Veronica, who she had loved dearly before the fatal human illness took her from the world far too soon. For the MFE pilots, who aged as fast as every other human.
Acxa mourned for Keith; a Galra who slowly convinced himself he's fully human despite the glaring reflection in the mirror.
______
A strong wind blew in the storm clouds from a distance, slowly crawling over the ocean's horizon. It faintly reminded Acxa of one of her many adventure with Zethrid, Ezor, and Narti, when she was young and confused and the only stable part of her life was being one of Lotor's Generals.
When Acxa was eleven, before her horns were even visible on her head, she would often dream of a man or woman sweeping her off her feet and carrying her away from the Galra Empire, away from the slowly dwindling rights and away from the slurs, harassment, fights forced onto her. She was too short and too blue in a field of purple giants.
As she grew up, those romantic daydreams fell away to the grounding, gritty truth of reality. But she was swept off her feet by a knight, many knights, swept away in more than one ways, not all of them as sparkly and romantic as she originally envisioned.
The first knight was Narti. They had met when they were around thirteen, instantly becoming friends as they stood out from the crowd. Narti could not see or speak, but they had conversations beyond words through Narti's innate touch telepathy. Narti's tail would often discreetly touch Acxa's arm, who would muffle a laugh as she was sent a mental insult directed at their disgruntled elderly commander.
The next two knights were Ezor and Zethrid. They joined the two-girl group that was Acxa and Narti, fitting in perfectly like puzzle pieces. They built each other up until Lotor had reached down a hand to the four wayward teenage girls.
The third knight was Keith. When she fled from the Weblum all those years ago, she hated him; wanted to scream at him for his betrayal to the Empire, to his own blood, wearing the white armor with tints of harsh red. How ironic she used to think that, then, as he would only be able to betray his blood by working for the royal galran family.
The fourth was Veronica...
"Acxa?"
She blinked out of her thoughts at Ezor's familiar voice. When she turned, Ezor had a small smirk on her lips, but her visible eye looked concerned for her old friend.
Acxa nodded slightly. "I'm okay. Just thinking."
She moved passed the other woman quickly, back onto the beaten path towards their destination and away from the rumbling cumulus.
______
Months later, after the memory of the party had faded from her memory, Acxa was reminded again. She and Keith were together on a small investigative mission, walking along a path of soft stone and soil on an unfamiliar planet.
Despite the unfamiliarity, the scene was so strangely nostalgic. A breeze blew around both of their long hair in all directions, her hair up in a high ponytail while Keith's was down in a low braid. The only sound between them was their footsteps and the gentle brush of Keith's legs against his Blade leader uniform's robe.
They walked in quiet, as most of their interactions were. It was nice. She appreciated that about Keith, a quiet friend to find solace in when she was normally surrounded by so many loud personalities.
The mutual silence was brought to an end when Keith let out a sigh. When she looked over, he had stopped for a moment, staring at his reflection in the water of a large, glassy puddle that reached towards the middle of the path.
"I'm an idiot."
Her eyebrows furrowed at that but didn't respond, waiting patiently for him to elaborate.
"Why did I not realize this until so late? It should've been obvious. Galra live a long time and I'm Galra." The word 'Galra' came out harsh, like it was a curse, so different from the usual pride he carried. Perhaps it was a curse, it usually was.
Keith turned and looked over at her with a question in his eyes, as if she knew any answer. The sharpness in his gaze softened with growing beads of tears.
Acxa gently gazed back with pursed lips and upturned eyebrows, a look of sympathy and shared grief.
____
The first paladin to pass away was Katie.
It was a shock, the one always considered to be the youngest of the team, the unstoppable firecracker was the first to be taken away by old age. She was sixty-three and still kicking, until one day, she wasn't.
Maybe it wasn't a surprise, though, Matt had also died suddenly a few years back and their parents were long dead. Katie, or Pidge, had no spouse or children; someone as family-oriented as her wanted to stay with her family, no matter where she had to go to find them again.
It hit the team, along with the entire coalition; hundreds- maybe even thousands- of humans and other aliens went to her funeral, honoring the intellectually sharp woman that built up the Defenders of the Universe Organization, also known as DOTU, from the ground up. She had always been an inspiration for millions of young growing girls across many species and galaxies.
It hit the Voltron team the hardest, though, that Pidge was the first to go. For months, the other human Paladins would tear up every time they read anything she had made or that reminded them of her, no matter how silly or mundane. Keith still looked sad when he saw color coded software or peanuts.
Pidge had been young, too young, so young that everyone's last interactions with her had been small talk and humorous chatter. Yet she had died as naturally as the forests she represented as the Green Paladin of Voltron.
______
Acxa found herself at the same table again, so many years later. The cafeteria was much larger now and was not the only one, as the Garrison is at least the size of a city now.
She found herself with the same silent conversation partner. He didn't look so happy this time. He didn't look happy at all anymore, during these days within these years of mourning. It had been a year since Pidge passed away, it felt like any day now the rest would join her until only he and Allura were left.
Acxa was worried. She hoped these years didn't consume him to the point of no return. She's seen it happen too many times, working under the Empire, where people died right and left. Some got too attached, and it broke them.
The years were going by more and more quickly. Galra who have been alive for centuries warned them about this, going on to say that they should try to treasure the quickly passing time more. It was difficult.
Their usual quiet was suppressing and heavy now, weighed by grief. She wanted to say something, with the words and social skills she had learned with other humans, but her throat was stuck.
She reached over and gently place a clawed hand on his back, letting it rest as he stared down at the now empty tray.
What was there to say?
______
The second paladin to pass away was Shiro.
The world stopped for a month when Shiro died. He had always been larger than life, seemingly unstoppable by something as trivial as death, he was the Atlas and the Atlas was him. He was seventy-four.
The month after Shiro died, Acxa saw people act in ways she never would have expected from them. Grief, true grief, messes with your mind.
Krolia cried with her son. It was unsettling to see someone so strong and stern, weep so openly. While she didn't know the details, what she does know is that Shiro was there for Keith when Krolia was not, and that alone made Shiro family to Krolia, a person she deeply respected and trusted.
Ezor had gone quiet; Acxa knew she mourns in silent grief, so different from her normal bubbly demeanor. She had been that way after Narti. After Lotor. After Pidge... and yet, Shiro's weighed heavier on all of them, as Keith's family had become theirs and Shiro was his family.
Lance and Hunk grieved at the loss of their close friend, and yet they seemed unnerved, knowing it was one or the other that would be next in line. Death was too natural for humans.
Keith... Keith was inconsolable. Not by them, not by any other Blades, not by the other Paladins, not by Coran, not by his mother. There are no words to describe how deep his grief had run, and Acxa couldn't help but think of all the stories she had been told of Shiro going missing. Shiro wasn't missing this time.
Out of all the people that were alive, the one that had given him the most effective comforting words had been Zethrid. While the large Galra didn't want to admit it, she has always been good with comforting people. Acxa and Ezor often found the two them sitting together, Zethrid murmuring quietly to Keith, his head buried into his hands and face concealed by dark hair.
If it weren't so saddening, Acxa would have laughed at the juxtaposition from way back when they were wayward children fighting for the sake of fighting.
But weren't they all?
______
Krolia is a good mother, and it's a shame those skills were never able to be put to use. She met her son when he was an adult, after all, no longer needing to cling on a parental figure. They were mother and son, but they were friends first.
Still, she is a good mother even now that her son has long reached adulthood, and has grown close to Acxa and her friends as well. None of them had ever had a mother, not a Galran mother, at least. A woman who could more easily relate the experiences of being female in the Empire. It was nice.
It was painful for Acxa and her friends to watch Keith, their leader, collapse into himself from grief. Krolia began to join their missions, leaving Kolivan to maintain Daibazaal, a watchful eagle eye to make sure that Keith didn't fall back to being the person he was before.
One of the nights, when the other three were already in a deep sleep and the crackling of the warm fire began to dim, Krolia broke the ice.
"I worked for the Empire too, when I was your age. My parents were very restrictive and long gone to the Empire's propaganda." Krolia turned over to her with a ghost of a smile on her face. "I'm curious as to what your thought process was, as I feel as though we were once in similar situations."
This was not the first time she had been asked that question, but for some reason, sitting on the fallen log, it felt like she was inquired about this for the very first time. Krolia is likely used to slow responses, so she waited patiently for Acxa to find her words again.
"It was stressful. I constantly doubted myself. Sometimes I even felt... cowardly. As if I was only here for some vacation from the nonstop training drills." Acxa's stare fixated on the dying coals. "I had to remind myself that if I was doubting whether I deserved to be here, then I was in the right place."
She saw a nod out of the corner of her eye. A pause stretched over them, and when Acxa thought the conversation was over, Krolia spoke again.
"I joined the Blade of Marmora before it was even called the Blade of Marmora. I was young, like all of you were." Krolia recalled. "I met Kolivan when I was running from my colony. He started to train me and eventually introduced me to his small group of rebel Galra that had started to band together. We found a place to develop a base around a century later, and it eventually became our headquarters."
Acxa listened intently to every word as Krolia continued her story. "Like you, I was constantly doubting myself. Rebellious Galra just didn't... exist, not back then, the whole concept of that was unthinkable. But my heart never felt at peace within the Empire, and I didn't know what being at peace felt like until after I swore my allegiance to Kolivan. It took some time to adjust, but at the end of the day, it always felt like I was doing the right thing."
Acxa finally got her bearings together and looked up at Krolia, who was looking at back at her with an knowing gleam in her eye. The younger of the two cast a rare smile over to her best friend's mother. She gave back a rare smile of her own.
No more words were needed, they understood.
______
It has been over sixty years. Acxa was hearing Narti's quiet, telepathic whispers in her dreams again. Soon, the voice mixed in with Veronica's.
Later, she began to hear blood-curling wails of sorrow, yet she could never place on who they were from. Perhaps it was her own voice, or more likely Keith, the unforgettably tragic day when they received the news of Shiro's passing still haunting her dreams.
She always woke up in tears, on those terrible nights with terrible dreams, with a worried look from one or more or all of her friends.
On even worse nights, they would cry with her. Names they mourned died on their lips before they could open their mouth.
______
After turning seventy, Keith stopped letting people celebrate his birthday every year, saying he will now only celebrate once a decade. It made sense, knowing he still had an unknown yet large amount of decades to live out, whereas years began to feel like months.
"It's not like I'm looking any different," he had said when inquired about his decision. The humans who asked were confused. The Galra who overheard had understood.
______
The third paladin to pass away was Lance.
It rained at his funeral, like the sky was crying alongside the humans and Alteans and Mer and countless other species he had helped save. His students he taught at the Garrison, the royal Alteans. The dwindling number of Paladins.
This time, it was Allura who was inconsolable. Altea weeped with her. She sobbed openly at the funeral, wishing to celebrate his life and her memories with him, but was only able to mourn that they would not have any more new ones together.
Coran and Romelle were by her sides, other Alteans too hesitant to go up to their queen in such a casual manner. His funeral was based on Altea's funerals, which was likely another added arrow to her heart. Her voice wavered heavily all throughout her speech, sometimes so heavy it was incomprehensible. It made everyone tear up, if they weren't already.
While there was nothing happy about this, at least she was able to be with him the hours before he died, holding his hand tightly as they exchanged their final words. In her speech, she told that he had talked nonstop to his last breath, words filled with love for his family, Allura, and Altea. Hunk's speech was filled with tears as well, as he was another emotional person who had always been close to Lance, telling stories from when they were younger and more reckless.
Keith's speech was meaningful, telling the audience of Lance's lesser known accomplishments and reminiscing on his more famous ones, but he managed to keep it together. He was becoming jaded, still raw from Shiro's passing four years ago.
The rain poured and poured and poured, heavier and heavier and heavier, the sky weeping long after everyone went home and Lance was forever laid to rest.
______
The fourth paladin to pass away was Hunk.
Hunk lived for a long time, well into his ninth decade of living, always steady as a rock. It was equally sad for everyone and yet... it was easier.
A big part of it was that had been there. It was a long few hours, long few weeks they were visiting Earth, but it was more comforting than receiving a transmission full of static that one of their friends had died without their knowledge. The siblings, nieces, and nephews that were still alive were there, too, the familial presence making things easier for all of them.
Ever the host, Hunk had tried to convince Keith to let him cook them all a meal while laying on his death bed. Their laughter at his predictable personality was real and natural even in the heaviness of the scene.
His funeral felt like a convention for Balmerans, there were so many there. Two of them made a speech, introducing themselves as Shay and Rax, expressing their deep gratitude to how he helped save their Balmera on behalf of their species.
Many Galrans were there, too, for Daibazaal's well-loved ambassador from Earth that always was eager to learn their culture and absorbed it all with a healthy respect for their differences. A good number of Galrans shared their own various stories of Hunk's adventures on the foreign planet, ranging from humorous to heartwarming to meaningful.
Acxa and her friends all had something to say about Hunk, as well, making it their first time saying something in this chain of funerals that they've attended too many of.
Hunk had saved planets, helped restore cultures, met hundreds upon hundreds. And yet the speech that got the most tears was Keith's, who told small, sweet, and domestic stories of Hunk always being a wonderful friend to him and all of the other paladins.
______
They had begun regular trips to their memorials. Once a year, they went back to the tall, tall statues of their figures, of deceased heroes and close friends that now towered like gods.
Acxa, Ezor, and Zethrid would always stand at a safe distance as their leader broke down year after year. They kept their faces down and thought of Narti.
Krolia would be kneeling next to Keith, a strong arm around her son, as if she were holding the broken pieces together. It reminded Acxa of when she saw them mourning the heroic human man they both loved.
Kolivan was often there, as well, standing dutifully with his mask up. Acxa always wondered what he was thinking about. Perhaps he was thinking about the lost Blades he saw slip away over the long, long years of the war.
Eventually, Allura and Coran began to join them. It was a nice presence, especially Allura's, who was now one of the two last standing Paladins that knelt down in sorrow and remembrance.
________
Acxa took notice, as the years sped by faster and faster, that Keith wasn't interacting with other humans anymore. Didn't try to befriend them. Even Ezor and Zethrid made more attempts to get cozy on Earth.
It made sense, it was understandable. Over the span of two decades, Keith had lost one friend after another with the knowledge that he wouldn't be joining them for a long time after. At least the others knew they would soon follow, the grief wouldn't span decades upon decades. Keith didn't have that morbid comfort. It must have been so jarring that he just didn't want anything to do with his own species anymore.
After all, he had no family on the planet, and all of his friends on Earth- even past acquaintances- were now dead. What reason was there to be there longer than necessary, now; make extra efforts to befriend more people he knew he would outlive, when he was as much as a stranger than on any other planet?
She wanted to tell Keith that was not a good idea, to stay with his culture, appreciate having another planet to turn to and other like-minded people. She wanted to tell him, but she also knows the daggers of grief point both at him and also out towards anyone who hits too close.
Keith stopped referring to himself as human now. Corrected people when they did. Oftentimes, the ones who were corrected were confused, wondering why the former paladin felt so disconnected from his home planet.
Acxa understood how he felt. This happened to her, too, way long ago to her own short-lived family.
_________
Daibazaal was beautiful during the day, in it's soft sunlight. It looked like Earth's sunsets.
Personally, Acxa preferred the natural, steady light of Daibazaal. She's seen enough sunsets on Earth for a lifetime.
They all have.