Chapter Text
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Bros don’t forget, man
Matteo watches his shoes shuffle over the cobbled sidewalk. He’s walking home from some late night studying at the library and it’s already getting dark. The air is cold on his skin, and the rain is chilling his skin on contact. Fat raindrops soaking through clothes is maybe not the most pleasant feeling, but he loves the rain. For a moment he wonders how it would be to freeze time, right here and now. Perhaps it isn't normal to love a rainy evening so much, but who cares about normal anyway? He’s pretty sure "normal" is a made up thing.
Prague is kind of magical in Matteo’s opinion. Romantic, even. And it’s not just about the old buildings, the golden spears, the beautiful bridges or the cute cobbled roads. It’s not just about the beer either, although the beer is pretty damn good. He doesn’t quite know what it is, but there’s something about the city that is even more intimate and familiar than the city he grew up in and has always loved. His stay in Prague has been defined by these long periods of silence, and sounds and smells that feel warm and soothing against his skin. He feels weirdly at home here, to be honest. There’s no rush, at all, and even the people seem calmer and more at ease. He likes that.
Of course, Prague gets busy, too; all big cities get busy, especially with tourists. He has avoided the worst tourist attractions so far, but it’s December, and he knows they have started to flood the Christmas lit streets and the Christmas market. The Christmas lights are nice though, especially at night. Matteo likes Prague the best at night, when most people are asleep and everything feels soft and quiet, but still so very alive. At night, Prague is easy to breathe and live in.
Only the slipping of his feet brings his attention to the ground once more, the need to stay upright pulling his mind into the present.
“Matteo, did you hear me?” Jonas’ voice is impatient in his ear.
Right. Jonas . Matteo holds his phone to his ear, sighing. Prague is definitely nice. Still, he doesn’t want to get stranded here over the break, alone, thank you very much. Also, his mom expects him to visit during Christmas. He has even bought her a present.
“Jonas, you promised we’d drive back together,” Matteo says into his phone, keeping his voice low in an attempt to not sound too whiny.
“I know I did, man, but Hanna’s family sprung this cabin trip on her at the last minute, and she begged me to come with.” On the other end of the line, Jonas’s voice is light. He sounds excited. And he’s probably already at the airport. “I couldn’t say no. I haven’t seen her for ages.”
“Fuck, you could at least have told me earlier,” Matteo mutters. “It’s Friday already, and we planned to go tomorrow! We’re roommates, for fuck’s sake.”
“I’m sorry, but as I said, Hanna just told me. I meant to tell you yesterday, but you were gone all day, and then I needed to get some stuff and borrow some skis from one in my class, and when I came back home you were sleeping already. To be honest, I have barely seen you this week,” Jonas says. “You’ve practically been living at the library lately.”
“I guess,” Matteo sighs. He knows Jonas is right. He has found studying a lot more captivating now that he’s studying subjects he’s actually interested in. “But you were my ride,” he still insists. Jonas promised him at the beginning of the semester that he’d be able to borrow a car from someone and drive them both back from Prague to Berlin for the Winter break.
And maybe Matteo has been foolishly looking forward to the road trip for weeks, too. Yeah, he shares a room with Jonas, but it’s true that he hasn’t seen much of Jonas lately.
“You can get a ride with some of the other students,” Jonas offers. “We’re not the only ones from Berlin, after all.”
Matteo’s stomach drops a little at Jonas’ suggestion. To Jonas, this whole thing probably sounds like a problem with an easy solution. But Matteo isn’t Jonas. Matteo doesn’t feel like he can ask any of the other guys. Just the thought makes anxiety bubble inside his ribcage and he feels sick to his stomach. Plus, he has no money to chip in for gas. Most of all, he can’t imagine having smalltalk with a stranger for hours in a car. That will just never happen.
Well . There’s one brown eyed, dark haired student he might want to drive with, but he pushes that thought away before it settles.
“What about David?” Jonas asks then, and Matteo’s attempt to avoid that thought is shattered. “He’s part of our gang, right? And he’s practically our neighbour, living just across the hallway!”
“I don’t know,” Matteo mutters, helplessly trying to ignore the jittery feeling going through his body. “It’s not like I know him that well.”
He doesn’t want to know me , Matteo’s shitty brain reminds him and the thought makes his stomach churn just like it does when he’s nervous about a difficult test.
“Nonsense,” Jonas huffs. “David’s really sweet, and you know it. We know him well enough. ”
Matteo sighs, not wanting to argue. “Maybe. I mean, yeah, he’s cool.”
That’s the understatement of the century, of course. Everybody loves David. Matteo sees it in the way people hang on his words and reciprocate his smile so quickly. They want to be close to him just like Matteo does.
Oh fuck , he really needs to shut down thoughts like that.
“Or I could give you money for the bus?” Jonas pauses over the phone. “I mean, some money. I got maybe thirty Euros on my debit card, but it’s all yours if you want it.”
Matteo winces at the offer. They are both living on loans and scholarships, and they are both tapped out. Jonas will need all he has for his trip with Hanna.
Resigned, Matteo pulls on the brim of his flat cap and drags it into his eyes as he keeps talking into his phone. “It’s cool, Jonas.”
Jonas still doesn’t sound convinced. “Matteo, are you sure? I can tell Hanna I can’t go. We can figure something out.”
“No, it’s cool,” Matteo says again, and this time he sounds more like he means it. He doesn’t want to cost Jonas anything, especially not a trip with Hanna’s family to do family stuff all Christmas. He loves them both too much for that, and he’s too happy to know that they’re together, too. “I’ll figure something out. Have fun on the cabin trip. Try not to piss Hanna off by getting too wasted.”
Jonas grumbles good-naturedly, easily sidetracked. “I did that one freaking time. One time, Matteo!”
“Bros don’t forget, man.” Matteo smiles, even though he feels rather gloomy knowing Jonas won’t be home for Christmas. It’s just a couple of weeks but Matteo has no plans and two weeks alone in Prague without plans sounds just… bad.
“We can go out when I get back,” Jonas offers. “I can take you out to U Zavěšenýho Kafe and get you some proper dinner. Or a beer or two.”
Matteo loves The Hanging Coffee. He almost likes the idea of the place just as much as he likes the food and the place itself. No, he really loves the food there, too.
Still, it’s not the same as a road trip, is it?
“Yeah, sounds good,” he says, trying to sound cheered by the offer.
They both say their goodbyes and hang up. Slouching so he can tuck his chin into his hoodie to protect himself against the chilly air, Matteo starts to walk home. The narrow cobbled roads are a little wet, but there’s no snow, and he’s grateful for that.
He stops by a grocery store to pick up some bread and cheese. If he’s going to stay here, he’ll need food. He pays for the items, hardly registering the cashier’s presence while his mind is occupied elsewhere, mostly imagining a Christmas dinner with cheese toasties in solitude.
He decides to indulge and buy himself a coffee from the coffee shop across the street. As he spills a little coffee on his jacket, he reminds himself to remember the laundry before he goes to bed.
Fuck , this is his life now: thinking about laundry and buying groceries. He sips his coffee and watches his feet shuffling across the glossy cobbles, his run down sneakers looking just as sad and worn out as he feels. He focuses on the sound of his footsteps, that seem to echo through the desolate street. It’s calming him, in a way, and stops him from thinking about those warm, brown eyes and that white bright smile that he never seems to fully forget.
The knot in Matteo’s stomach twists tighter, and his chest aches almost like when he has one of his panics. He takes a deep breath and another sip of his coffee, then he keeps walking. At least he’s glad that he doesn’t meet that many people on his way home, it gives him space to think. He needs to find a solution to this situation.
Matteo can’t explain his infatuation with Prague, he just really loves the place. He has tried to search all his history books to find out what made the city so alluring, but he can’t find anything. The Berlin wall started to crumble twelve years before Matteo was born. At the same time, people marched in Prague, starting something that ended with Czechoslovakia being split into two nations and Prague becoming the Czech capital. All of this is history, and still, Matteo has grown up with the stories, and they are part of him, just like they are part of his mom and everybody else.
So, he can’t deny that Prague is a lovely city, but he knows Christmas break is going to suck so hard, when he has to be alone in the flat by himself. He needs to find a way to get to Berlin, somehow. If only his thoughts would stop going in a hopeless circle, churning and churning and never going anywhere.
How long have you been standing there?
There is no immediate solution that pops up on Matteo’s way home, nor when he eats in front of his laptop, and sadly, he forgets his laundry before he goes to bed.
The next morning he finally drags himself out of his room to get the dirty laundry. It’s far too early on a Saturday morning, but he knows he had better do it before it starts to smell too sourly or before someone nicks his stuff. As he enters the common laundry room and closes the door behind him, he stops in his tracks because of what he sees. David is already there, sorting through his own clothes. Which shouldn’t really be a surprise. David lives in a single room right next to Jonas’ and Matteo’s room. Just across the hallway. Practically neighbours , as Jonas would say. Part of their gang . Still, Matteo needs to breathe calmly to stop his heart rate from picking up.
David doesn’t hear him enter the room, though. He has his headphones on, as he often has, and is deeply focused on his task. Matteo can’t help letting his eyes linger on him a little. Who wouldn’t? Every move David makes is so graceful and effortless, after all. Also, he’s got that tempting brown-skinned Adonis look going on. His tousled hair is midnight black, thick and lustrous, and his eyes are dark brown, framed by graceful brows.
David has the kind of face that stop you in your tracks. Matteo guesses David David must’ve gotten used to that, the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they look at him, followed by the person overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. It doesn't help that he’s so modest about it, it makes everyone fall for him all the more.
That’s not the only thing that makes Matteo weak in the knees, though. More than his looks, David is beautiful from the inside and out, from the depth of his eyes to the gentle timbre of his voice. He’s always so attentive, at least when he’s with Matteo. Sure, things have been a little awkward between them, but Matteo loves the way David is totally present, and the way he sometimes, when he enjoys whatever silliness Matteo shares with him, forgets the mask he wears around others. How could Matteo not fall helplessly in love with this guy?
Damn , he thought he had squashed down this crush a long time ago. It’s just hard, when David is so damned nice all the time.
David looks up and is startled as he notices Matteo. He blinks and stares at him. “Uh, hi. How long have you been standing there?”
“Not that long,” Matteo shrugs, blushing a little. “Morning, David,” he says, trying to keep his tone jovial despite his jittery feelings. The two of them have been a little awkward ever since everything that almost happened during their Abitur, one and a half years ago.
Not that anything actually happened, really. They made some disgusting toasted sandwiches once, and they had a moment where they almost kissed. At least, that’s what Matteo thinks happened; the memory has become somewhat blurry and he can’t really be sure about it.
David had told him to leave him alone, anyway. After that, he and David were just friends, and only barely that. Matteo had tried to ask David to hang a couple of times, but David had kept his distance ever since. Well, he started to hang with the friend group, but apart from that he stayed away. So. A little awkwardness is maybe not so strange.
Still, Matteo secretly wishes he would become better friends with David. “Doing the laundry, huh?” he asks. “It’s horribly boring, right?”
David raises an eyebrow. “I guess it’s not really the most fun thing I do.” He looks back down at his basket full of clothes, effortlessly making Matteo feel both sheepish and dumb, and like he shouldn’t have disturbed David.
David is mostly friendly and good natured, and still he makes Matteo feel like that a lot. It is probably why Matteo tries not to bother David too much. It’s not like he avoids David, it’s more that he tries to get some control over his feelings so that he can try to interact more or less normally.
Right now, that seems to be a lost cause. Shit , everything is so fucked. The thing with Jonas. David. Matteo walks over to the drying machine to pull out his own clothes, huffing out a loud sigh as he does so, letting himself wallow in his misery for a moment. It’s bad enough that he has to stay in Prague during Christmas, he doesn’t need to pine for his neighbour, too.
Then he stills, inspiration striking. What if… Jonas had given him some bad suggestions for solutions, but there was one that maybe could work. If he can muster up the courage to ask. Matteo turns his head to look at David across from him. He hates to ask others for favours, but this time he’s pretty desperate. “When are you heading home, David?”
For a second, he wonders if David can hear the breathlessness in his voice when he says David’s name. He pushes the thought away.
David looks back, eyebrows raised. Matteo does his best not to blush. David’s eyebrow use is a language in itself, and right now, they say, what do you want?
Matteo finds himself babbling to fill the silence. “I was just… wondering when you’re heading home for Christmas. Because I’m not. Heading home, I mean. It’s just, well, it looks like I’m stuck here, because Jonas ended up going with Hanna on a cabin trip, and I don’t really know any of the other students well enough to ask for a ride.” He pauses for a moment. “I was planning to stay with Hans and the others during Christmas, you see.”
“I know,” David says flatly.
“Oh,” Matteo says, surprised. “I didn’t think I told you.” It isn’t like they’ve interacted much since they came to Prague, despite Matteo’s initial attempts to do some stuff together. David has mostly just been around when others are around, especially in the beginning. He has always been friendly, always attentive… And still, Matteo feels like there has been some sort of awkward distance between them. He doesn’t know if the distance was because of David or because Matteo ended up making a strategic retreat.
“Of course I know,” David says now, looking at Matteo with intent. “I know about your old flatshare. I was there at that neon party, you know. And we hung out there with your gang a couple of times, too.” He raises his eyebrows. “And in the common room the other day, you were talking to Jonas about going back there for Christmas.”
“Oh.” Matteo flushes, embarrassed. Of course. He remembers very well that David was there at that party, thank you very much. Where Matteo had a total breakdown with anxiety and David stayed and they almost… kissed. Fuck . Sometimes Matteo really thinks he imagined it all. But he’s pretty sure it happened, even if David just disappeared afterwards and wouldn’t have anything more to do with him. Which figures, really.
“Of course,” he says.
David leans forward, and his eyes are fixed on Matteo. People often speak of the colour of eyes, as if that were of importance, yet David’s would be beautiful in any shade. They radiate an intensity, an honesty, a gentleness. Something that makes Matteo wants to be close to him. Or hide from him. Sometimes both.
David flexes his arms as he leans on his basket. Matteo has to look away. Fuck . David is pretty goddamn ripped for a movie nerd who spends all his time drawing and making movies, which, as far as Matteo knows, is mostly what David does.
It’s best not to stare. Yeah, Matteo’s out and proud and all that now, but David has made it clear that he wants distance, so that’s how it should be. Matteo should not be checking him out, no matter how pretty his brown eyes are or how cute he is when he stares at Matteo. Fuck .
Matteo knows he lost his chance with David a long time ago.
“So, why do you wanna know when I’m going back?” David asks.
Matteo continues, even though he feels less and less sure of his brilliant idea the longer David’s gaze stays fixed on him. “I was just thinking, if you’re going home, maybe I could hitch a ride— no, forget it,” Matteo cuts himself off, seeing the way David’s eyebrows are arched. Not a good sign. Matteo laughs uncomfortably. “Never mind, it was just a silly idea.” He pulls his flat cap from where it has fallen to the floor, fiddling with it.
“Why don’t you take the train?”
“Well, I can’t really afford it.”
Silence falls in the laundry room. David’s eyes are still on him, and Matteo folds and unfolds the hat in his hands, not daring to look up. Finally, David huffs and picks up his basket. “I don’t know, Matteo. Look, I gotta put this away,” he says. “And Laura is coming over, so I shouldn’t keep her waiting.”
He turns to the door.
“Okay,” Matteo says dully. “Right, I get that.”
David smiles a little. “See you around.” He looks friendly enough, but also thoughtful, like he has something troubling on his mind.
“Yeah, see you.”
Matteo sighs as he gathers his own laundry. That didn’t go very well. He pulls out his phone to call Hans and break the bad news. He hesitates, and ends up chickening out and just texting. He doesn’t think he can handle the special brand of disappointment and guilt that his old flatmate has perfected over the years. Hans acts like they are family. And in a way, they are. Found family.
Matteo doesn’t want Hans or Linn to lend him the money for a bus ticket, either. They both have helped Matteo too many times already.
Text sent, Matteo picks up his laundry and goes back to the room he shares with Jonas, dumps the full basket by the door and flings himself onto his bed, clutching his pillow. He retrieves his phone from his back pocket and checks his Insta, but there’s nothing much interesting on his feed, except that Jonas has posted a picture of Hanna and him, looking wholesome and happy on a ski slope. Good for them.
Matteo yawns and stuffs his phone back into his jeans. He leans back and stares at the ceiling. Fuck , it’s still early in the morning, and he’s already feeling tired. Well, it’s not like he can’t use his sudden free time to take a nap. Naps really are his go-to solution for almost everything.
Here goes nothing
Matteo’s drifting fitfully between waking and sleep a few hours later when he hears someone knocking at the door.
Matteo blinks his eyes open and stumbles to his feet. When he gets to the door, David is standing there, staring at him. His cheeks are flushed from the cold. He's almost smiling – smiling as if something good is about to happen. Matteo’s heart speeds up, long before he knows what’s going on.
“Were you sleeping right now?” David asks, cocking his head to the side, then shakes his head. “Nevermind, of course you were. I talked to Laura,” he continues, apropos of nothing. “She’s working over break, so I’m taking her car.”
“Okay,” Matteo says slowly. His mind still feels fuzzy. Struggling to find the connection between those sentences. “Laura,” he mumbles.
“Yeah. My sister?”
“Yeah. I know that. I just… You’ll borrow her car?”
David huffs impatiently. “Yeah, it’s no problem. She doesn’t really need it during the break. The car is pretty useless in Prague, anyway.”
“Okay,” Matteo says again, digesting the information. For some reason, his brain still can’t manage to connect the dots.
David looks at the ceiling in a give me strength kind of gesture, then down at Matteo again. He smiles a half smile. “So I can give you a ride, like you asked me about, like, what, a few hours ago.”
Matteo stares at David. “Shit,” he says, gaping. “ Shit . For real? You’d drive me?”
“That’s what I said,” David says, pursing his lips.
“Fuck, that’d be awesome!” Matteo tries to reign in his enthusiasm, but it’s hard. He bounces on the pads of his feet. “Wait… I can’t chip in on the gas much. But I can maybe make us some lunch or something?”
“It’s fine, don’t stress about it.”
“Oh, it’s no stress. I bought a ton of bread and cheap cheese yesterday. I’ll just make us some sandwiches.”
David blinks. “Okay, if you like, we could go in an hour or so? So you have the time to pack?”
“Sounds good to me,” Matteo grins.
David is giving him a weird look as Matteo hurries to throw his shit in a bag, trying not to give David the chance to rethink his offer. He makes a note to call Hans and tell him he’ll be coming home after all. Oh, and his mom will be thrilled that she gets to see him.
“Don’t get too excited," David says, "and by the way, I’m kinda selfish doing this. I was thinking about seeing some sights on that route, and maybe take some photos and do some filming.” He looks strangely sheepish. “If you can help me drive a little, that would be great.”
Matteo stops and looks at him. “So I should prepare for a longer trip than four hours, then?”
David nods. “Yeah. With all the stops it could take around eight hours. Is that a problem?”
Eight hours on the road with David? Matteo doesn’t quite know if the thought frightens or excites him. Oh, who is he kidding, it definitely excites him.
“Not at all, bro. No problem at all,” Matteo says easily. Privately, he wonders what David’s plan would have been if Matteo hadn’t been tagging along. Would he have just driven on by himself? That sounds awfully lonely.
“Thanks, bro,” David says, pursing his lips again.
“I’m the one who should be thanking you,” Matteo says. “I owe you one.”
David just shakes his head, smiling. Matteo falters. When David smiles and laughs Matteo can't help but smile along too, even if it’s just on the inside. To be in David’s company is to feel that he is someone, too, and that he matters, even if they’re just friends.
David looks down and Matteo finally manages to focus on what he’s doing. “You can just take a seat while I pack my things,” he offers, and points to his bed. “Or do you need to pack, too?”
“No, I’m good,” David answers and sits down on Matteo’s bed, eyeing his rumpled sheets. He leaves his backpack on the floor next to him. He’s not bringing much stuff with him at all, by the looks of it. Matteo tries not to stare. Maybe the dude just likes to travel light.
Noticing Matteo’s gaze, David straightens. “How about that lunch you promised me you’d bring?”
Matteo grins. “Yeah, yeah, hang on.” He goes to the kitchen and starts to make a shitload of cheese sandwiches.
He doesn’t notice that David has followed him before he puts them all on an oven tray.
“No whipped cream, this time?” David asks from the door. He approaches the kitchen counter. “And no toaster?”
Matteo laughs weakly, remembering too well last time they made cheese toasties together. “Yeah. No toaster. That would have taken forever, anyway.”
David nods and smiles. “And I suppose sandwiches with whipped cream is an acquired taste.”
“Probably, yeah,” Matteo says, suddenly feeling strangely melancholic.
David watches the tray and then meets Matteo’s eyes. He looks like he wants to say something, then stops and tries again. “You don’t have to do this, you know…” he begins.
“Yeah, I do,” Matteo brushes him off, not knowing exactly why he feels disappointed all of a sudden. “The food would have gone bad while I’m away, anyway, so it‘s really no trouble at all.”
He crouches down and puts the tray in the oven. “Here goes nothing,” he mutters, mostly to himself.
When he stands up, he meets David’s gaze again, that gaze that seems to look so deeply into him, straight at his soul, and it’s a little too much. A little too similar to that Friday when they made sandwiches together. “I should... “ he begins, and points backwards to his room with his thumb.
“I can keep an eye on them while you pack the rest,” David offers.
“Cool, thanks.”
Matteo smiles gratefully and goes to the bathroom, brushes his teeth once more for good measure and packs his toiletries. Then he remembers to find his phone and laptop and all the chargers he will need.
When he comes back to the kitchen, the food is ready. Together, they pack the sandwiches in a huge plastic box.
David stares at the box in Matteo’s hand. “That’s a lot of food, Matteo. A lot.”
“Well, we’ll need it, just wait and see,” Matteo smiles. “I’m a hungry guy.”
David looks at him, and something similar to fond amusement flickers over his face before he looks away. “Okay, move your ass, let’s get going,” he says and hustles past Matteo back to his room where his coat and bag are, and Matteo has no choice but to trail along behind him. David picks up his bag and Matteo brings his own stuff. Then they’re off, out into the hall of the mostly empty flat building and further out to the parking lot where a small red Kia sits, waiting for them.
“Cute,” Matteo comments. “An electric car? Will it take us all the way?”
“Of course,” David huffs. “There are charging stations all over. And don’t bully my car, just because it’s… not a fancy car.”
“Oh, it’s more fancy than that non-existent car of mine,” Matteo snorts.
He throws his bag in the back and joins David in the front seat, where he seems to be concentrating on pretending that Matteo isn’t sitting right next to him. Well, that’s maybe a bit too harsh. David gives Matteo a quick smile, after all. But that’s it. Then he focuses on adjusting his seat.
Maybe it’s just the sudden forced intimacy of sitting together in the small car that makes Matteo insecure. He buckles up and wonders if he’s a little paranoid when he thinks that David regrets this whole thing. He wouldn’t suggest doing this if he hates the idea of driving with Matteo, would he?
And what does it matter, anyway?
Matteo guesses that his stupid crush makes him worry too much. It’s a free ride , he tells himself as he gets comfortable in the passenger seat. You can suck it up for a free ride back home .
“Here we go,” he says, trying to sound excited, and not scared shitless.
David just hums as he starts up the car.
Matteo lets his head fall back against the headrest. Looks like it’s going to be one hell of a long free ride back home.