Work Text:
The Monster Inside of Us
The case was closed. The murderer had been brought to justice, and now, he would serve a life sentence in prison. In short, he would rot behind bars. But, even in his lowest, cruelest moments, no one could deny that the doctor had a brilliant mind, so bright, that even he moved the jury with his speech about poetic justice, resulting in a life in prison in a psychiatric ward, and, if he confessed where he buried the bodies, he would have a more or less easy stay, secluded from the world.
The Ripper of Shiganshina had been caught, under the incredulous looks of everyone, society in general, his colleagues and friends. No one could believe that the prominent psychiatrist that had helped the F.B.I. many times, and that he even gave part of his money to multiple ONG’s, was the same man that attracted his victims with his beauty, punishing them for being trash, useless in his eyes. No one could’ve imagined that the man with shy but wide smiles and bright eyes, was the same heartless monster that used a knife with sharp precision, to take some organs that his victims wouldn’t need anymore and prepare delicious dishes with that meat.
He was sick, he was cruel, but, in the eyes of one of the best F.B.I. agents, he was beautiful.
Yes, his beauty resided in causing pain, hurting and destroying, breaking the guards down, until he can mold the others at his will until there was nothing left of them until they were unrecognizable. Just like he did with the agent. He reborn so many times under the hands of the doctor, until he was able to see his true nature, when he could understand that they were the same, joining their bodies, both metaphorically and physically.
The agent’s friends felt pity for him, for the poor foolish man who, in more than one occasion, almost lost his life while defending the monster who he believed was innocent. Yes, it was sad seeing him falling in a spiral of depression, trying to continue living on, with the same severe and bored expression.
The hallways whispered lies, murmured how difficult it was for the agent to discover that his psychiatrist and friend was a monster, other people spoke about how friendly they were to each other, more intimate than with the rest of his coworkers.
The people that knew the truth, suffered for his friend. Suffered, because under the disguise of a strict and controlled man, was a good person, with a kind heart, who suffered the consequences of offering his heart to a monster.
(…)
“Erwin, this is one of your worst ideas,” said Hange, head of the forensics department, observing from Erwin’s office how the doors that led to the High-Security Unit opened, allowing the agent to cross the corridor, down to the last cell, where the Ripper of Shiganshina lived.
“I know you’re worried about him. But, he’s an adult, Hange. He knows what he’s doing.”
“Erwin… He protected him. Whatever happened in therapy, affected him deeply, to the point of believing they’re in love.”
“And if they are, Hange?” asked Erwin with a frown, and unconsciously, he touched his right arm, or what was left of it, as the sadness that he felt for his friend clouded his eyes. “Despite how things turned out, he took care of his fragile heart.”
Hange shocked her head, wiping the tears from her eyes, and wincing slightly when she gazed the tender skin under her missing left eye. Her worst regret was recommending her most talented student to the F.B.I. She was sure that, if it wasn’t for her, they would never meet each other, and this string of misfortunes, could’ve been avoided.
“He quit yesterday. Today’s his last day.”
“Did he tell you what he’s planning?”
“He said he wanted to live by the beach.”
(…)
His steps were quick and firm. Resounding through the walls of that place. It had cost him a lot of courage to finally will himself to cross the threshold. It cost him his dignity as well, bearing with the pity gazes of the staff. It cost him hours of rest, trying to forget about him, and he always returned to the same place, the same hallway, and the same glass cell that seemed to protect the staff from the monster that lived in there.
The doctor was reading, lost in his book like he always did before. It was hard to see him with that awful grey uniform from the psychiatrist ward, keeping the same grace and posture that was so proper of him. The same confidence that made the agent fell in love with him.
In the back of his cell, hanged a drawing that the same doctor drew. The agent felt the breath leaving his body, feeling his resolution breaking down again. The drawing was the naked silhouetted of a man, who covered his face with his arm. But the scars, the lines that adorned the body, were his. It was his body, and he remembered that night, the first time they made love, and while he tried to recover from the splendid sex, in the post-coital bliss, the doctor asked him if he could draw him. And he let him. He would let him destroy his walls, he would let him swallow him wholly, losing himself into the darkness.
“You looked beautiful that night,” the doctor commented, without moving his eyes from the book, “you finally looked so peaceful, so free, I had to contain myself before I could cut your chest open, to see the wonder of your heart.”
The doctor swallowed hard; his throat went dry. He took a couple of steps closer, standing over the yellow line that the guards told him not to cross. If he closed his eyes, he was sure he would be able to distinguish his smell, of black tea and strawberries, a smell that was comforting, that was the smell of his home.
“I came to say goodbye. I quit, so I have no reason to come back,” the agent avoided the topic, making the doctor to finally look up from his book, smiling sadly at his former lover.
“I thought I’d get to see you a few times a month. I guess my stay here will be colorless now.”
The doctor stood up, and approached the crystal, standing in front of the man who will always be the love of his life, his equal, even if he denied his real nature.
“I can’t see you like this. It hurts me, you’re still hurting me. If I stay close, I’ll go crazy.”
The doctor put his hand against the glass, his long hair obscured his face, but his eyes shone just for his lover. “I wish things were different between us, Levi. I wish I had more time to show you the sea. I promised I’d be the one to show you the sea for the first time, remember?”
“J-just, just shut up, goddammit!” Levi growled, “you sick, fuck! You never loved me! How can a fucking monster love?”
Eren’s thick eyebrows furrowed, his lips pressed into a firm line. He took in a shaky breath, his eyes never leaving Levi’s. “Of all the things I’ve done in my life, being with you has been the most amazing one. I don’t want you to walk through that door with the belief that I didn’t love you.”
“Yeah?” Levi let out a bitter laugh, “You show that by killing the people I love?”
“Levi, no.- “
“No! Because of you, Kenny is dead! And you, you son of a bitch, you took Isabel from me!”
The impact of Levi’s fist against the glass alerted the guards that waited on the other side of the corridor, they looked at each other, and then at the security camera that watched the movements, knowing that Hange and Erwin were watching the exchange, waiting for instruction.
Unaware of the wandering gazes around them, Levi rested his head on the glass, feeling his resolve crumbling and his eyes stinging with unwanted tears. “You’re a fucking, selfish bastard. You made me love you and then, you abandon me and take everything with you,” he sniffed, hating how weak he was, how vulnerable Eren could make him feel. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“My dearest one,” Eren started, lowering his voice, “I’ve never broken a promise. Although my time with you has come to a stop, all I’m asking you is to wait for me.” Levi couldn’t believe his words, feeling conflicted between telling Erwin his suspicious about a possible attempt at escaping, or keeping the secret to himself, even if it’s a risk for him and everyone around him. Noticing the struggle inside of his former lover, Eren whispered, “I promised you a family, remember, my love? You, me and Isabel. And I’ll give you that. We still have a chance, Levi, I can promise you that.”
The shook was clear on Levi’s face, but there was something so reassuring on Eren’s smile, a genuine one, and his green eyes were bright, with a consuming fire that Levi loved dearly.
“Mr. Ackerman, time’s up!” Erwin’s voice sounded so close so suddenly, bringing them back to reality. The surprise was still evident on Levi’s grey eyes, but he gave a sharp nod and stepped back. Erwin was in a moment by his side, touching his shoulder. The soft smile on Eren’s lips was replaced with a smirk. After all, only one person deserved his genuine affection.
“Goodbye, Eren,” with his last whispered words, and looking down, Levi let Erwin walk him back to the main entrance, ignoring the guards and the people that they ran into. Hange was there, waiting for them with clear worried written over her face.
“What did he say?” Hange asked bluntly, “when you got too close to the crystal, your conversation was practically unintelligible by the mics and cameras. What did he tell you?”
Oh, so they didn’t hear the rest of their conversation, and part of Levi felt relieved that they didn’t. He cast a glance over his shoulder, and then looked back at his friends, both Hange and Erwin were waiting for his answer. Scolding his features with practice, and putting on an almost bored face, Levi shrugged off.
“Eren said he misses cooking for us.”