Chapter Text
I don’t know why I’m so nervous. (Literally the story of my life.)
But still, ever since Taehyung sent me a text at exactly midnight to wish me a happy birthday with the following message that said: Can’t wait for tonight ;) I’ve been riddled with nerves.
It’s my 21st birthday. The most important one for anyone living in America. The legal drinking age. It’s like a right of passage into adulthood. Adulthood. One of the things that scare me the most.
Taehyung used to be a partier. Before he left for LA he would be going to raves and frat parties and used every chance he had to “celebrate.” I still don’t understand how someone can gather up enough nerve to merely waltz into a house packed with a million people they don’t know and somehow come out with a half a dozen new friends and alcohol running through their blood. That person was Tae, by the way.
But since he came back from LA, his party life has been almost non-existent. Unless Jimin and Hoseok wanted to go clubbing and begged Taehyung to come because he’s fun to drink with. But besides that, Taehyung hasn’t spent another night blackout drunk and sleeping in a stranger's bed.
I thank the universe he hasn’t gone back to that.
There’s nothing wrong with it, really, I don’t care what Taehyung does. But I still worry. I trust Taehyung, but I don’t trust other people. They could’ve laced the beer with drugs, or taken pictures, or done something to him when he wasn’t sober enough to be lucid. I worry, okay? I’m the nervous one.
But now that it’s my 21st birthday and Taehyung has claimed me for the night from the others, I’m almost panicking. He said he had “special” plans for us tonight and wouldn’t tell me anything else. I. Hate. Surprises. For anxiety purposes exclusively.
That’s why I’m standing in front of my mirror that Taehyung had given me and frowning at my outfit choices thinking that the most pressing issue is my horrible clothing choices. When Tae found out that I hadn’t owned a mirror in a year, he looked at me like I had a third eye growing from my forehead. A few days later, he showed up at my house with a full length mirror that he had decorated with kind words and praises sharpied along the edges.
I stare at the words scribbled in the corner: Your smile makes other people smile :)
Ugh, I can’t wear sweatpants again. I wear sweatpants, like, every day. What if Tae takes me to a bar, or a club, or a party? Yeah, sweatpants aren’t going to work.
I blow a frustrated sigh out of my nose and glance at the clock. I have to be at Taehyung’s sister's house in a half hour. I have nothing to wear. I don’t even know what I’m dressing for. Why should I even care? No matter what I do, Taehyung’s gonna be hotter than me. I’m ugly. Ugly ugly ugly.
I squeeze my eyes shut, take a breath, and look back at the mirror and read another one of Taehyung’s messages.
Your heart is gorgeous.
I sigh and pull out my phone. I punch a text to Taehyung.
Me: what am i supposed to wear
Taehyung responds almost instantly.
KTH: nothing ;)
I groan and shuffle to collapse onto my bed.
Me: can u see me judging u rn?
KTH: still cute
KTH: wear whatever u want
Me: that doesn’t helpppp
I stare at the screen waiting for him to respond only to be annoyed by the typing bubble for almost five minutes. What is he writing, a novel? Just give me the dress code.
KTH: wear those ripped skinny jeans u have and just a black shirt
I raise my eyebrow at the screen. That could literally mean anything. Is he just trying to be vague so I don’t find out what the surprise is? Is he trying to get me out of sweats knowing that we’re going somewhere where I’ll have to look like a normal human? He said ripped jeans, rips means skin, and skin means sexy. Am I supposed to look hot? Are we going somewhere with attractive people? Are there going to be people looking at me??
I toss my phone aside and pretend that I’m not freaking out. I’m not freaking out. I’m not.
I trust Taehyung and everything will go fine tonight. He’ll take care of me no matter what we do. He always takes care of me.
-
I stand at Taehyung’s sister's front door tapping the toe of my boot anxiously on the welcome mat. Even though I still live at home with the rest of my family, Taehyung has lost the habit of using the doorbell. He waltzes into my house as easily as my mom does returning from work. Even my family is cool with it, they mumble shallow hellos as he strides in ready to pester me. I don’t get it. And I don’t do it. I feel weird walking into someone’s house without a formal introduction. Feels wrong to me. Especially when Taehyung isn’t the only one that lives here.
I stand outside feeling the sweep of a warm breeze shift through the holes in my pants as I wait for Tae to answer the door. Yes, I did end up wearing what Taehyung told me to, call me whipped or spineless, I don’t care. It’s probably true anyway.
Taehyung finally answers the door with his face flushed and a wicked light flashing through his eyes. I don’t flinch, Taehyung answers the door like this at least 50% of the time.
“Kookie!” he yells. I raise my eyebrows--my natural inclination of response. Taehyung leaps out of the doorway and strangles me with a hug, I stumble and catch him expecting the tackle. “Happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday!”
He releases his choke hold and steps back reaching to take both of my hands instead. “Thanks,” I mumble even though Taehyung’s been telling me happy birthday for roughly 48 hours now.
“I’ve got a surprise,” he beams giving one of those wide rectangle shaped smiles that makes my heart flutter.
“I figured,” I shrug. “You should probably know that haven’t I had my tetanus shot yet.”
Taehyung pouts. “Damn, that scratches the rat fight,” he says sarcastically.
I scrunch my nose. “Gross.”
Tae taps the bottom of my chin and hums. “Cute,” he says mostly to himself, then tugs on my hands to pull me inside, “C’mon, the strippers aren’t gonna tip themselves.”
“Taaaeeee,” I whine as I follow him into the house, knowing that there probably aren’t any strippers inside, but worrying about the joke nonetheless.
Taehyung’s sister’s house is small, just a little condo, but widely decorated. Just like Taehyung, Minseo is an artist, and it shows. Charcoal sketches are stuck in haphazard angles on mural-covered walls. She made a lamp out of chicken wire that stands next to a three-foot-tall sculpture made out of styrofoam fruits of a hand making the peace sign. Her living room has no furniture besides a bright patterned rug with sitting cushions. Silk drapes in muted harvest colors dip from the ceiling and make them look like clouds with lights shining behind them. The whole living space echoes with creativity and talent that it makes me a little intimidated.
Taehyung pulls me into the kitchen and sticks his hand out proudly. “Ta da!!”
I blink at the scene. In the center of the living room sits a three foot long, slim countertop lined with assorting bottles of alcohol, most of which I don’t recognize, with a single high top chair sat in front of it.
“What...is it?” I ask feeling bad for not getting it right off the bat.
Thankfully Taehyung’s enthusiasm doesn’t falter. “It’s a bar!” he says turning to me with that bright smile. “I knew that you probably wouldn’t be comfortable at a real bar drinking in front of people and everything, so I brought the bar to you.”
I look back at the little bar. It’s all decorated with mini lights and has a hanging paper “Happy Birthday!” banner on the side. My chest warms and tingles with gratefulness. I stare at the bar trying to force words to my mouth, but I have no idea what kind of words to tell Taehyung that would convey how touched I am.
“Wait, I got one more surprise,” Taehyung says and bolts out of the room leaving me to stand speechless in the middle of the kitchen.
I stand there as I start to smile thinking of how ridiculous I’ve been worrying about what was going to happen tonight. Why did I ever question him? He literally knows me better than anyone.
I hear thundering footsteps down the stairs and Taehyung comes back into the kitchen with his hands proudly placed on his hips. “Did someone call for a bartender?” he charms, posing with a flick of his hair and a flirty smile at his lips.
Oh, fuck.
The sight of Taehyung makes my dick twitch in my jeans. He’s changed from his loose lounge pants and sweatshirt into black slacks that accentuate his small waist and cuff at his ankles with a slim fit white button down that he has the top two buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
I take a moment to remind myself to breathe.
Taehyung notices my hesitance and looks at me with a hint of worry. “You don’t have to drink if you want to, you know, I just thought it might be fun and all-”
“No no no, Taehyung, I love it,” I say stepping forward and taking his hands. “I just, I have no idea what to say, this is amazing.”
He smiles. “Not as amazing as you.”
I roll my eyes. “Ugh, so cheesy.”
“Got you to smile, didn’t I?” He leans forward and I expect him to kiss my nose or my cheek as he always does, but he just stays there, his eyes obviously locked on my lips.
Believe it or not, Taehyung and I haven’t actually kissed yet. Really . Before, when Taehyung was scared of all gay contact whatsoever, he avoided touching me like the plague. But now that he’s accepted it, his cuddle bug has come out. He’s naturally touchy, from small things like chin taps and ear pinches to nuzzling his face into my neck and butt grabs. I’ve quickly gotten used it, and even started to initiate more intimate touches as well.
But we haven’t kissed for real yet. If it wasn’t for me and my fear of intimate connection on both a mental and physical level, we would’ve kissed a long time ago. I know he’s waiting for me, he doesn’t have to tell me to know. I still haven’t kissed anyone at all. I’m officially twenty-one and have not made lip on lip contact with someone yet.
Before, I’d never really worried or felt inferior for it, but now that I want to kiss Tae and I know he wants to kiss me and I’m so anxious that I’m gonna suck at it that he won’t want to kiss me anymore. Stupid, I know, but still.
“You did more than that,” I say feeling my chest flutter with the admittance of the flirt, with the admittance that I could be hard in two seconds if he said the right words.
Taehyung lingers there for a moment staring at my lips with a soft smile on his own. His gaze then flicks up to my eyes. A mix of puppy-like innocence and heated sultry swirling through his dark irises. I’m fucked.
“So you like it?” he asks pretending to be innocent.
Kiss him. Do it now, do it now, do it NOW, DO IT NOW!!
I cup his face and lean forward to place a soft kiss of his forehead. (Shut up, I know I’m a pussy. I’ll do it eventually.)
“I fucking love it, babe, you’re incredible, honestly.”
Taehyung smiles and pulls me towards the bar and shoves me in the chair. He skips around the counter and I stare at his ass the entire way. Thank Jesus for those pants. “Yeah, well just remember that as I start making you drinks,” he says rubbing his hands together and looking a bit lost amongst the liquor.
“What drink do you know how to make?” I ask with a smile more excited about the show than the beverages. I lean forward and rest my chin in my palm gazing up at Taehyung like he’s the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met. And he is, through and through.
“I like to call my specialty drink, The Trashcan,” he says wiggling his fingers.
“Sounds delicious.”
He hides a smile. “No recipe, no inclination, you don’t even have to open your eyes.”
I nod. “Innovative.”
He shakes his head. “We’ll skip The Trashcan for now. I actually want you to try real drinks first before you end up blacked out on the floor.”
I raise an eyebrow at his spread. I take a bottle and lift it by the neck eyeing the label. “Why’d you get all this stuff?”
“I wanted to be prepared,” he says scrolling through his phone. Music starts playing from a Bluetooth speaker somewhere. “We gotta figure out your favorite drink tonight so you know what to order when we go to a real bar.”
I smile. “Is that a date?”
He glances up at me, a sheepish grin on his lips. “I thought this could be a date.”
I tilt my head, adoring every ounce of the man in front of me. “Even better.”
He bites his lip and looks down at his phone. “I got a list of a few drinks that I think you should try,” he says placing his phone in front of me and flashing me a list of drink names that I can only vaguely recognize. “Choose your poison.”
There’s about a dozen drinks on the list. I wonder if he expects me to try all of them tonight. At least my parents aren’t expecting me home. If Taehyung gets me drunk he’ll just have to deal with me hungover as well. Although, he’s seen me in a puddle of tears and blood in the middle of a breakdown once so it probably can’t be any worse than that.
“Old fashioned,” I say recognizing the name and doing a mental shrug.
“Starting strong, alright,” Taehyung cheers pulling up the recipe on his phone. “Also probably one that I’ll mess up.”
“I’m all for a show,” I smirk. He glances at me as he takes a stainless steel mixer and stars pinching sugar into it.
He smiles back. “Oh, the show’s only just begun.”
I watch him as he struggles. He curses at a measuring tool that looks like two cones fused together at their points. I giggle as he tries to slice the skin of an orange in a clean sweep, he pokes his tongue out and almost looks like he’s in pain.
“Is Minseo home tonight?” I ask as he pours the mixture into a short glass.
“No, she’s gonna stay with Jackson tonight so we can be alone,” he says squinting through the glass at the result of his bartending skills. He hands the glass to me, then stops. “Wait, have you eaten today?”
“Uh, a little.”
He hands me the glass. “Okay, well after a taste of that you’ll want to start snacking on some crackers or something. You’ll get wasted too fast on an empty stomach.”
I nod. “You drinking tonight too?” I ask him as I take a whiff of the cocktail. Whiskey and orange make a nice mix.
He shakes his head. “Definitely not, gotta take care of my baby.”
I hide my smile and take a sip of the drink. The power of the whiskey shocks my tongue and burns down my throat as I swallow, but a citrusy sweetness lingers in the aftertaste. I’m impressed.
Taehyung looks at me expectantly. “Good?”
I nod, looking back down at the glass. “Really good.”
Taehyung beams. “Really?”
I look up at him. His hair has darkened from not being exposed to the sun as much leaving him with only a touch of highlight over soft brunette hair. He has a chain earring on that swishes whenever he moves. And that damn shirt hugs his chest in just the right way where I keep finding myself peering at the hint of skin he’s showing. He’s jaw-dropping. And he’s serving me drinks on my 21st birthday as my personal bartender and looks at me like I’m the most special person in his life.
“Wanna try?” I ask.
He shrugs, “Sure, just this one.”
I take a larger sip of the drink, hold it in my mouth as it burns, then lean over the counter to grab Taehyung by the back of his neck and connect our mouths in a mess of blind confidence and whiskey.
Taehyung jumps but doesn’t jerk away. His mouth instinctively opens to take the liquor as his hand comes up to cup my jaw. I try not to allow my anxiety get the best of me as I open my mouth against Taehyung's and let the drink mix between our tongues. I’m inexperienced with this so some of the cocktail escapes my lips and dribbles down Taehyung’s chin but neither of us pull away. I decide that since I’m already here, I should go for it, so I slide my tongue buzzing with liquor against his and taste the cocktail in his mouth.
Thank God Tae takes the lead because he pushes back with his tongue and traces curly patterns in my mouth. It makes my head buzz more than the alcohol did.
I pull back and Taehyung stumbles, blinking at me with wide eyes as he wipes his chin of the drink. I lick the taste of him off my lips and smile.
“Good, right?”
He nods quickly. “R-really good.”
I lean back into my chair and set the drink aside relishing in seeing Taehyung being the flustered one for the first time. He stares at the liquor bottles in front of him with round eyes and flushed cheeks. He looks like he’s been flashed and somehow I’m completely at ease. I expected to be freaking out or questioning everything in existence, but I’m not. I smile at the gorgeous man in front of me as he subconsciously rubs his lips together and fixes his hair, and I have no regrets or guilt or shame or fear.
Damn, I should’ve done that a long time ago.
Taehyung looks back up at me and tries to tamper down a goofy grin that’s creeping to his lips. “S-so, what’s next?”
-
Taehyung and I fall into a pattern. I watch Tae struggle to make a drink while snacking on biscuits, giggling and gushing over him as he makes jokes and weird faces, I taste the drink, then I kiss Tae and let him taste the drink. Although, now it’s a lot less tasting and a lot more of mini makeouts in between beverages.
By the tenth cocktail, I had stood up and almost face planted if it wasn’t for Tae expecting me to do just that. He asked me if I wanted to stop and I said no way.
This is how I ended up on my fifteenth drink sitting on the stool with my lips puckered out waiting for Taehyung to come and give me my post drink smooch.
He looks down at me smiling and brushes his fingertips over my cheekbones. “You’re adorable, you know that?”
I keep my lips stuck out like a two-year-old watching Taehyung through what seems to be a foggy filter over his face. He’s still pretty though. So, so pretty.
“Kiss,” I say giggling for some reason with my lips still puckered.
Taehyung shakes his head and it looks like he does it in slow motion, I get dizzy watching him. Then I feel his warm hands on my face pulling me towards him. I fall forward a little too hard and knock our faces together. Taehyung flinches but giggles against the kiss just as I do.
“Sorry,” I mumble placing another kiss on his top lip before working my tongue into the warm heat of his velvet mouth. I wonder if I’m any good at this when I’m drunk. I feel great. I feel like I can say anything without worrying about what Taehyung’s gonna think of me. I can act dumb and silly without being ashamed. I can relax.
Taehyung pulls back and I whine wanting to reach out for him and pull him back but my fingers feel like balloons and I can’t control them.
I hear Taehyung laugh and brush my hair out of my eyes. I blink up at him trying to find his eyes. “Huh?” I blurt.
“I think we should stop, baby, you’ve had enough,” he says with a smile. My fingers find their way to Taehyung's mouth and push against his lips. I try to pinch his pout but everything is so fuzzy. Fuzzy fuzzy.
“More kissy,” I mumble focusing on pulling on Taehyung’s lips.
He smiles and pulls back trapping my hand in his. “Yeah, it’s water time.”
He steps back behind the bar and grabs a water bottle and stuffs a straw in it. He pushes it in front of me as I can feel my head slowly rocking from side to side like a slow-motion bobblehead.
“Taetae?” I whimper.
“Yeah, baby,” he hums.
Something in my chest caves and I feel like crying. Why the fuck am I crying? I’m so happy.
“Taetae?” Tears burn behind my eyes.
Taehyung snorts and walks back around the bar to comb my hair behind my ear. “I’m here bunny, don’t cry.”
That’s when I cry. I choke on a whimper and lean over to stuff my face in his shirt to hiccup shallow sobs into his chest. His chest vibrates with another laugh as he rubs soothing circles on my back.
“Don’ leabe me Taetae,” I hiccup thinking of how just yesterday we’d promised each other to stay.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere, bunny,” he hums kissing the top of my head as he does so. I feel the vibration in his chest as he speaks and I close my eyes to focus on it. We sit there for a while, Taehyung whispering sweet nothings as I sigh against his chest.
It’s when I open my eyes that everything goes to shit.
As soon as I open my eyes everything swirls like it’s in a kaleidoscope. Dancing colors and curved patterns mend and fold and I can’t tell what’s up or down or if I still resting on Taehyung chest or if I’m flat on the floor.
Moments later I see a toilet as my eyes roll into the back of my head and I’m puking and praying that it’s not all over Taehyung.
-
The next morning I’m back in the bathroom hunched over the toilet after puking again feeling like I’ve just ran a marathon through Nevada in the middle of summer. I groan and the sound echoes out of the bowl.
Taehyung walks back into the bathroom after leaving to get me a few things and kneels next to me on the floor. He places a cool, dampened towel over the back on my neck and I almost moan.
“My poor baby,” Taehyung says kissing the side of my head and massaging his fingers through my hair.
I rest my cheek on the toilet seat and glance over at him. He gives me a soft smile. “You know I love you, right?” The words are not heavy, they’re not weighted with the need of reciprocation or approval, they’re barely even needed at all. Taehyung knows I love him and I know he loves me. This isn’t a big step for us, it’s been a part of our relationship for a long time now.
His smile grows. “I know, Kookie.”
“Like in every way, and I’m not drunk so you know it’s the truth,” I say feeling exhaustion weigh heavy on my eyelids.
He leans forward and kisses my head again. “I love you too, Kook, in every way.”
“Even like this?”
“Even like this.”
“Still think I’m cute?”
He giggles and nods. “I’ll always think you’re cute.”
“Good.”