Archive of Our Own

Kal was slightly late to the JLA meeting. It had taken him surprisingly long to get ready because he was--hot.

This was very rare. Being in the sun's corona was not generally enough to phase the Kryptonian, so it was a distinctly unusual--and unpleasant--sensation to feel heat prickling and curling across his body, making him sweaty and uncomfortable. He had taken a cool shower in his quarters, but it hadn't seemed to have any effect on the scorching feeling radiating from him. After debating possible ways to deal with the heat, he had settled on the most simple and logical, but then had discovered he was almost late to the meeting. Putting on a burst of speed, he made it into the meeting room just as the hourly chime went off.

"Hah, not late," he said smugly, grinning at the rest of the League. He was chair of the meeting today, so he took his place standing at the head of the table. "I believe Batman has some information about the whereabouts of those terrorists, right?" He looked over to the black-clad vigilante--and abruptly realized that everyone in the room was staring at him. And not in the rapt, golly-Superman-leads-meetings-well sort of way he would like. No, they all looked pretty shocked, actually. "What? What's wrong?"

Batman rubbed his chin thoughtfully as silence continued to rule the room after Superman's question. "Kal," he said politely, "Have you noticed that you're....well, naked?"

Superman glanced down at himself. "Sure. What about it? I'm hot today."

A pause that Kal might have considered awkward at other times, but at the moment he hardly noticed. "So, as I was saying," he continued, calling up maps on the screen, "It looks like the leader of the cell might be hidden in the Himalayans, right around...here." He rested a hand on his bare hip and drummed his fingers thoughtfully, staring at the map.

"This is rather distracting," said Flash's voice from behind him. He could hear Hawkgirl--giggling? Hawkgirl didn't giggle. Something was very wrong here. He turned back around and leveled his best let's-all-pay-attention-now glare at the group. It didn't seem to help.

Wonder Woman cleared her throat. "Kal. Generally humans don't...go around naked to meetings."

"Kryptonians don't either," added the Martian Manhunter.

Superman frowned. "I can't imagine why not. It's a lot more comfortable."

Batman looked at Hawkgirl, who was still trying to stifle giggles. She sat up a little straighter, her hand over her mouth, but didn't take her eyes off of Kal. "Superman," said Batman, "Something is clearly wrong here. Is there...some reason you're not the least bit embarrassed to be, uh..." He seemed at a loss for words.

"Hanging out?" suggested Green Lantern, and Hawkgirl put her head down on the table and gave in to laughter.

Superman looked down at his bare body, since everyone else seemed to be either looking there or studiously avoiding it. He didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed, but his team-mates' reactions made it clear he had some reason to be. Then he looked up at Batman, grinned and snapped his fingers. "That's it! It's Shar-lov, has to be."

"Shar-lov?" Batman repeated mildly.

"Yes, it's a rare Kryptonian state that only happens once every ten years or so, and even then it only kicks in if the Kryptonian is under a great deal of stress. Supposedly it's a cyclical genetic way of dealing with overstressed populations. Anyway, the result is a total loss of shame for about 24 hours. Usually the Kryptonian suffering from Shar-lov was put into a special quarantine for the day...although I can't imagine why," he added thoughtfully. "There's certainly nothing wrong with it. Maybe the quarantine room was kept specially cool, since it appears one of the symptoms is also an uncomfortable overheating sensation." He fanned his groin absent-mindedly with a hand. "I'm really quite hot," he said to Wonder Woman with a wry smile. The Amazon's lips quirked very slightly.

"Anyway," he said, turning back to the maps, "It's a temporary situation, and I don't see why it should keep us from focusing on the matter at hand."

There was a susurration behind him of exchanged meaningful glances. He sighed. Really, his teammates were easily distracted today.

"Superman," said Batman with the air of one lecturing a child, "I know you might find this difficult to believe right now, but you're going to be very embarrassed about this later."

"Not that you have anything at all to be ashamed of, uh, big guy," broke in the Flash. Batman glared at him and continued.

"Might I suggest that you take the advice of your Kryptonian ancestors and perhaps do a self-imposed quarantine?"

Superman glared at everybody in turn. "Just because all of you have some weird notions about clothing doesn't mean I should have to stay locked up in my room. In fact," he went on, "there are some things I've always wanted to mention to you guys, and now might be a good time."

At this, Batman leapt up and grabbed his arm. "All right, Kal, let's get you to your quarters."

Superman allowed himself to be dragged to the door, but paused in the entry to look back at Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl. "For example, I've never told you two that you have incredibly impressive breasts. Absolutely fantastic." He smiled into the shocked silence of the room. "Just thought I should mention that."

He allowed Batman to drag him from the room after that, then followed the angry Dark Knight down the hall. He could have flown, but he was enjoying the coolness of the metal floors against his hot feet as he padded along. "What's the problem? There are lots of things that I could have pointed out there if you'd just let me. Like the fact that Green Lantern has amazingly sexy eyes, or the Flash has adorable lips. And the Martian Manhunter really deserves to be complimented on his pectorals. Have you seen them? Like sculpture. Works of art, really."

Batman didn't respond, stalking along in front of him. "Of course, you have the best ass in the League," Superman pointed out charitably, scooting forward to whisk aside the black cape and pat the aforementioned piece of anatomy. Batman whirled around to glare at him, but the glare didn't seem to have much effect right now, for some reason. The Dark Knight seemed nonplussed by having a naked Kryptonian patting his behind, which Superman found amusing. He continued, "It goes without saying that most of you is the best, except for the few parts where I'm the best."

"I see shame is closely tied to modesty."

Superman pondered that. "Seems to be, yes." They were at the door of his quarters now. "I'm not going to stay in my quarters, you know, not unless I have a good reason to."

Batman heaved a sigh. "It would do no good to explain that having you wandering around naked and appreciating peoples' sexual charms would have a detrimental effect on the League?"

"It's not my fault people can't take compliments gracefully. No, I suggest you stay and have sex with me. That should keep me busy. Oh, come on," he said at Batman's expression, "I know you want to."

Batman's voice was outraged. "And how exactly would you know that?"

Superman chuckled and lounged against the door frame. "Because you're the only person who couldn't bring themselves to check out my cock during the meeting. You'd only avoid looking at something if you were alarmed at how interested you were. I'm interested too, so why not?"

Batman made a small huffing noise. "You're going to be so embarrassed about this tomorrow,Clark."

Superman tilted his head to one side, considering. "I don't think so. I can't imagine ever being embarrassed at admitting I found you sexually attractive." He grinned at Batman. "Anyway, I'm still really hot." He reached out, took Batman's black-gloved hand, and placed the cool leather against his groin. "Ah," he sighed happily, "That feels good."

The fingers resting against him twitched ever so slightly. Superman felt response surge through him and smiled.

"I...suppose it might be the simplest way to keep you away from the rest of the team for the next twenty-four hours," said Batman grudgingly.

"Say whatever you must to make you feel better," said Superman affectionately.

Then he lunged.

: : :

Bruce stirred from a tangle of arms and legs and black hair. He was exhausted, which was very unusual.

And pleasantly sated, which was also unusual.

Looking back over the last twenty-four hours, he concluded that a lack of shame in a Kryptonian could definitely have its advantages.

There was a sudden moan of heartrending agony beside him. Clark rolled over onto his stomach and covered his head with a pillow, groaning like a lost soul.

"Oh, dear God...please tell me I didn't say that to Hawkgirl and Wonder Woman!"

Bruce flung a leg overClark and crossed his arms on the other man's back. "Say what? That they had gorgeous breasts? I'm afraid you did." Clark made another bloodcurdling noise and tried to burrow deeper under the pillow, pounding on his head with his fists. Bruce thumped him between the shoulder blades. "Clark, you just shanghaied me for almost a solid day of debauchery and depravity, and you're embarrassed that you complimented a woman's breasts?"