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Percy hadn’t slept peacefully since that place.
He chalked it up to be fear for the upcoming war with Gaea, or anxiety for his friends, or his camp. But the war had ended nearly two weeks ago, and there was no change. Any sleep he did get was plagued with nightmares. Even on a good night, he got no more than three hours’ sleep. And as the days wore on, it started to take its toll.
The others weren’t much better. More than once he’d caught Jason and Piper dozing off then jolting awake, and Frank (who would be staying at Camp Half-Blood for a while along with Hazel to help repair the damage) had dark circles under his eyes, and poor Hazel seemed to be perpetually rubbing her eyes.
Annabeth seemed fine physically, at least, no worse than the others. But there was something different about her. It was as if someone had drained the life out of her and she no longer had the same hopeful, somewhat naïve outlook on the future. She now carried a sort of heaviness the others couldn’t quite understand. No one except Percy himself.
There was a campfire that night. Chiron thought it best not to dwell on the events of the past weeks but to push through and carry on like any other day. It made sense in theory, but the absolute last thing Percy and his friends felt like doing was celebrating. Regardless, they dutifully sat around the fire together and ate s’mores and sang songs. They sat together, as they nearly always did now. Except for Leo. But Percy couldn’t bear to dwell on that, so he pushed it out of his mind.
Instead, he turned to Annabeth and handed her a marshmallow. She took it with a smile. Halfhearted as it was, he was glad to see it. She smiled so little these days, he was starting to forget what she looked like without that haunted look on her face.
“Thanks,” she said, spearing it and holding it out over the fire. The funerals had taken place last week and people were starting to recover, repairs of the camp were going well, so the flames were bright orange and hotter than they’ve been in days.
The Apollo cabin started playing a new song, but neither he nor Annabeth were paying attention. They were both staring at the flames, which triggered an unwelcome memory in both their minds.
Percy remembered the river of flames. He remembered drinking it. He thought, unconsciously, of the price they had to pay just to stay alive. Drinking the fire, walking on broken glass, breathing in the toxic air—
Annabeth remembered the river too. How risky it was to drink it in the first place. And when they got to the riverside and Percy had collapsed, and she thought she might be too late to save him—
They were jolted from their thoughts at a burst of noise from the campers; a particularly enthusiastic chorus. Percy and Annabeth jolted like awakening from a trance. They exchanged looks, both knowing exactly what the other was thinking.
Wordlessly, Percy grasped her hand in his shaking one. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the flow of memories.
“That was—what’s wrong?” Jason’s laugh was cut short when he saw the two of them gripping each other’s hands like their lives depended on it.
Piper, Hazel, and Frank looked over too, concern etched on every inch of their faces.
“It’s…” nothing, Annabeth tried to say.
“It’s nothing,” Percy supplied, quickly getting to his feet. He knew how much Annabeth hated appearing weak; it was probably best to get out of there. “We’re probably just gonna leave a little early if that’s okay with you guys.”
Annabeth stood too. Piper looked like she wanted to help, but wasn’t sure how.
“Yeah, of course, but are you sure you’re okay? Maybe we could help,” she offered.
“Thanks, Piper,” Annabeth said. “But I’m just a little tired, I’m going to try for an early night.”
“Yeah, me too.” He said. “We’ll see you tomorrow, though.”
They left quietly so as not to draw any attention to themselves. Together, they wandered back towards the cabins, still holding hands. They didn’t speak; neither quite knew how to put their thoughts into words.
When they reached the middle of the deserted cabins, Annabeth thought she heard something in the dark behind them. She whirled around, heart pounding, sure it was some monster or giant or titan or arai or—
“Annabeth?” Percy, who hadn’t heard the noise, asked uncertainly.
“I…I thought I heard…”
They listened in tense silence for a few moments. Then a satyr clopped past, humming softly to himself. Annabeth released a tense breath while she waited for her heart to return to a normal rate. She cursed herself for being such a coward.
“Annabeth,” Percy repeated, taking her other hand. “It’s alright.”
“I know,” she said savagely, but she wasn’t mad at Percy; she was mad at herself. She said so to Percy.
“What? Why?” He asked, baffled.
“I hate this!” She burst out, trembling. “I hate this…this…”
“I know,” he said gravely. There was no need to finish her sentence.
“Ever since that place, it’s like everything reminds me of it, you know?”
“Me too,” he admitted. “I mean, just now, at the fire, didn’t it remind you of—”
“The river,” they said together. She felt tears prickle the back of her eyes and was immensely grateful when Percy pulled her into his embrace. It was like a wall collapsing; she fell into him and they held each other up, like they had done in Tartarus.
Neither could bring themselves to say anything more. They simply clung to each other, letting themselves be afraid for just a little while.
They didn’t let go of each other until the first campers came back to the cabins. If they noticed Percy and Annabeth, they didn’t say anything. Just quietly filed into their respective cabins.
He led her to the Athena cabin, which was already starting to fill up. That was a good thing, because he didn’t think it a good idea to leave her alone.
They stopped by the door. “Well…goodnight, Wise Girl.” He said.
She gave him a sideways smile. “Night, Seaweed Brain.”
He smiled, too, and kissed her. Softly, gently, to tell her everything would be alright.
Then he returned to his own cabin, where Tyson was waiting. Before he went inside, Percy tried to unfurrow his brow and generally not look so despairing. Tyson was no fool, he knew where Percy had been, but he hadn’t told him exactly what happened down there to himself and Annabeth. They hadn’t told anyone yet; they just weren’t ready to deal with it all.
Tyson was sitting on his bunk, waiting for Percy when he walked in. His eye lit up when he saw him and he talked enthusiastically for a few minutes about his latest invention. Percy tried to be attentive, he did. But he was so preoccupied, all he could manage were a few ooh’s and aah’s.
Luckily, Tyson was tired so he started getting ready for bed shortly after. Percy was tired too, but that didn’t mean he could sleep. He laid in bed for what felt like hours, staring at the ceiling and terrified to close his eyes in fear of what terrors he’d be forced to relive in his dreams.
Eventually, though, long after midnight, he drifted off and had the worst nightmares he’d had, maybe ever.
He was back in the pit. Bob was there, and Annabeth too. They were looking up at the monstrous form of the titan lord. Everything seemed to be drawn to him. Though he spoke quietly, everyone heard him quite plainly. Percy was staring up into his face, that twisted, soul-sucking face that made Percy want to abandon every logical cell in his body and hide. He wanted to run, to get Annabeth and just go, anywhere other than there. But he couldn’t move; he was frozen to the spot. The titan lord fixed his gaze on him and took a slow step forward. Then another, and another. Each step made the ground rumble and the earth crack beneath his feet. He reached for his weapon and drew it out with a long, scraping sound. He reared back, preparing to strike, and swung—
Percy cried out and finally woke himself up from his dream. Sweat dripped into his eyes, blinding him. He swiped at them, desperate to see. But when his vision cleared, he was met only by darkness. His legs were tangled in the sheets. It was strangling him. Half-crying, he kicked and twisted the blankets to the floor. But the freedom did little to ease his mind. His heart was still near bursting from seeing Tartarus face-to-face again.
Water, said a voice in his head. The water will help.
He dragged himself across the room. Tyson was still asleep, miraculously. Percy fell against the wall and yanked the door open.
The fresh air normally would have been refreshing, but it did little to ease his raw throat and pounding heart. He was so dizzy that the trek to the beach was half-walking, half-stumbling. Soon, all he could focus on was his own breathing and the water up ahead. Everything else faded into a confusing blur of shapes and noise.
He didn’t stop at the beach; he stumbled forward into the surf until his legs gave out a few feet in. He fell to his hands and knees, sobbing and gasping. He could still hear Tartarus’ voice in his head, drawing him in and draining his very life from his body.
His hands went almost automatically to clasp the sides of his head. He had to block out the sound somehow. But even with the sounds of the waves and his hands clasped over his ears, he could still hear that awful voice in his head.
Percy bent further into the water with a groan. How to get the voice out of his head? And worse, by now, the titan wasn’t the only think plaguing his memory. He was suddenly overcome with images of the empousai, and the arai, and Damasen, and Bob—
A hand landed on his shoulder. “Percy—?”
He cried out and jerked out of their reach. He scrambled sideways, lost his balance, and fell into the water. Only then did he look up and see none other than Piper, standing a few feet away and looking scared, though not for herself.
“Piper,” He gasped. He crushed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing. He was suddenly very aware of how disturbing this must look; Percy kneeling in the water in the middle of the night, crying and shouting, shaking and close to passing out.
He quickly wiped his face and made to stand up. “Sorry, that was weird. I…I just—”
“Oh gods, Percy, you don’t have to explain!” She assured him. She hurried forward and helped him first to stand, then to get to the beach. She suggested they sit down, which was a good thing, because Percy’s legs were so shaky he was about to collapse again anyway.
“Do you want me to get Annabeth?” She suggested.
“No!” He said quickly. She started at his abruptness, so he adjusted his tone. “No, don’t get her. She hasn’t been sleeping well. I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing.”
“Okay,” Piper said hesitantly. It certainly didn’t look like nothing to her.
He tried for a smile. “Thanks, Piper. I’m just going to stay here a while, you don’t have to stay.”
“Do you mind if I do?” She asked. He shrugged.
So they sat side by side for a while, just watching the water. He would have been a lot more uncomfortable if he hadn’t been so scared just now. She, on the other hand, looked perfectly at ease, like nothing unusual had just happened. She didn’t pressure him to talk, just waited until his breaths came more evenly and his face regained some of its’ color.
“I always liked the water,” she commented at one point.
“Yeah?” He said. “Me too.”
She grinned sideways at him. At least he’d regained some of his sarcasm.
They didn’t talk for a little while longer. She didn’t mind; she wanted to make sure he was totally okay before asking him what happened.
“Nightmare?” She said at last.
He didn’t say anything. He simply nodded, not looking at her.
“What about?” She inquired, though she already knew the answer.
When he didn’t say anything, she answered for him.
“Was it about…you know, that place?”
He gulped and ducked his head. His hair fell in front of his eyes, obscuring his features, but she was pretty sure she saw tears in his eyes. She’d never seen Percy cry before. Her heart swelled with sympathy; anything that could make this guy cry had to be troubling indeed.
“You know, you can talk to me.” She told him, careful not to let the charmspeak creep into her words. He sighed heavily.
“I’m serious,” she said, turning to face him so he’d have to meet her gaze. “You don’t have to carry this alone, alright? I’m your friend, so is Jason, and Hazel, and Frank. You can trust us, we want to help.”
He broke eye contact, opting instead to trace patterns in the sand with his finger.
“I know,” he said so quietly she almost missed it. “And I’m sorry, I’m not trying to push you guys away or anything, it’s just…I don’t know how to…” he broke off, frustrated.
She let the silence build, hoping that eventually he would break it, which he did a few moments later.
“It’s just…everything reminds me of it, you know?” He looked up at her again, expression filled with such deep pain and desperation he could have burst.
When he spoke again, it was like a dam had broken inside him.
“I can’t get it out of my head, Piper. And I know it’s only been a few weeks since it all happened, but it’s just getting worse and I don’t know how to fix it! I’m afraid of the dark now, did you know that? Gods, I’m afraid to breathe sometimes. The air down there…it was toxic. It feels like I’m suffocating all over again. And every time I close my eyes I see him and I remember feeling so hopeless, and even though we escaped, we still left Bob down there, and Damasen. They sacrificed themselves for us and we just—”
His voice finally broke and he collapsed in on himself. Piper’s arms were around him in an instant. She held him up while he cried into her shoulder. He took great, shuddering breaths and he was pale and shaking, but already he felt better; just getting it all out in the open was exactly what he needed.
“Look, Percy,” she said once he’d calmed down a bit. “I’m no expert on things like this, but I do know one thing: it will get better, okay? You just have to be patient, give yourself time to heal. Let yourself be scared, but also know that your friends are here for you, alright? We’ll always be around for you.”
He didn’t have the words to express his gratitude, but she got the message when she met his sea green eyes with hers.
She helped him back to his cabin, where Tyson was still snoozing. Just before she left to go back to her own cabin, Percy stopped her to say thank you.
She smiled at him. “What are friends for?”