Chapter Text
September 19, 2015
Tobin was relaxing on her couch, her legs splayed wide across the ottoman as she flicked through the channels on TV with her remote. She was doing her hard chill this early afternoon before the match this evening, glancing at her watch and thinking she should eat something soon. Alex, her roommate, was out doing her normal pregame ritual: shopping.
Her phone rings and she drops the remote on her lap, picking up the phone and seeing the caller ID. She hurriedly swipes to answer.
“Hello?” she answers, her voice rough and deep from a mix of not speaking much today and being sleepy. “Yes, this is she.”
She scoots up on the couch, sitting straight and letting her bare feet touch the floor.
“Uh, huh,” she says as she listens, nodding.
“Really?” Her eyes pop open wide, she stands up, beginning to pace around her living room. “That’s awesome!”
She listens to the caller a for a few minutes, nodding and verbally acknowledging she understands the instructions.
“I’ll be sure to return my list and the completed forms within the next two days,” Tobin promises, “thank you so much for this, I’m really excited to be a part of the program.”
The call ends shortly after and Tobin just stares at her phone.
I did it, she thinks, I really fucking did it.
She dials Christine Sinclair.
“Yo, Sinc!” she practically shouts, unable to contain her excitement.
“Wassup, Tobes?”
“They chose me,” she replies quickly, her words leaving her mouth in rapid fire, “they want me for the show! I’ve got to turn in my list of equipment to bring and fill out some forms and get another physical and-”
“Tobin!” Christine laughs, “Slow down, they picked you for the wilderness show?”
Tobin stops to breath, “Yeah,”
“That’s awesome!”
“Yeah, but now I’m freaking out,” she admits, “what if I don’t choose the right stuff to bring? What if I can’t find any dry firewood? What if there’s no fish or other food there?”
“Relax,” Christine assures her, “what do you say a few of us come back to your place tonight and review the list and help you decide? Then we can talk about all of the scenarios you think you’ll be faced with.”
“That,” Tobin nods with a sigh, “that would be incredibly helpful.”
“We’ll order in some food, have a couple of victory beers, then hit it.”
“Yeah, sounds good,” Tobin says, feeling better that she’ll be able to discuss it with her friends tonight, “I am so jacked up about this.”
“Well, we’ve got a match tonight, so go back and find your chill,” Christine chuckles, “stop pacing.”
Tobin lets out a laugh and sits back on her couch, “Lord, you know me,”
“I do,” Christine chuckles, “do you know where you’re going?”
“The production guy said Vancouver Island.”
“Awesome!” Christine cheers, “It’s similar to Portland in weather- except it gets much colder. But you’ve found dry wood in the winter and rain here, so I don’t think it will be too big of a problem. They do get a shit ton of snow though, I’ll do some research. You relax and take a nap, don’t screw up your game day routine.”
“I’ll try my best,” Tobin sighs, “I feel like going for a run or something.”
“Tobin!” Christine chastises her, “You’ll do no such thing.”
“I know,” Tobin replies, “I just feel like bursting, you know.”
“Well, burst on your couch.”
“Yes, Captain.” Tobin sighs. She knows she’s right.
“I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” Christine says with a chuckle.
“Yeah, Cap,” Tobin says, “maybe I’ll watch a few past episodes of the show,”
“Good call,”
“Alright,” Tobin says, “later.”
They hang up and Tobin looks out her window, it’s really happening, she thinks as a smile spreads across her face.
XXXX
Tobin is in her bathroom giving it a quick once over before her teammates arrive. The high from the game is still coursing through her. It may have been one of her best performances in years. She couldn’t believe how the ball just seemed to always fall at her feet in the most perfect way. It wasn’t just the two goals she scored, it was really the three assists she bagged. She’ll always feel that midfielder’s pride in assisting goals. Creating the chances and having your teammate succeed. Even though she’s a striker now, she just can’t shake that feeling.
She hears a knock at the door and she leaves the bathroom, satisfied it’s presentable and heads to open the door. “I got it,” she calls to Alex, who is in her room, changing out of her post match outfit.
“Hey!” She greets Sinc and Lindsey who are both carrying bags from somewhere. Lindsey shoves the bags she has into Tobin’s hands, “I’ve got to pee,” she says hurriedly and heads down the hall.
Tobin smiles at Sinc, tilting her head to let the woman pass her and she closes the door with her foot. She follows Sinc to the kitchen, setting the bags down next to the ones the Canadian was carrying.
“What’s this?” she questions, sniffing the air.
“Mexican,” Sinc informs her, “Hayley went home, she was pretty tired,”
Tobin nods, Raso had just come back from a devastating back injury that had kept her out most of the season. Tonight was the first time she had seen any match minutes.
“Ah,” Tobin nods, opening one of the bags, “yeah, I bet she is,” she says, “I’m so happy she’s back though,”
Alex enters the kitchen, sniffing the air appreciatively. “Mexican?”
The two nod at her.
“Yeah,” Sinc agrees, moving to one of the kitchen cabinets and pulling out a handful of plates, “I love her energy.”
“Speaking of energy,” Lindsey says as she enters the kitchen area, taking the plates from Sinc’s hands, “you were sure full of it tonight,” she says to Tobin.
Tobin just smiles and shrugs at them, “The ball just kept coming at me,”
“And in the back of the net,” Sinc gives her a high five, “you were on fire.”
“Tobs, you were on another level,” Alex smiles at her, “it was amazing to watch.”
“Thanks, Al,” Tobin smiles, nodding slightly. Alex always encouraged her to play her game, never to change how she handled the ball.
“I love those times when everything just falls into place,” Lindsey says, her eyes shining, “it’s like you can do no wrong,”
The others nod at her, knowing exactly what she’s talking about.
“Too bad we couldn’t get you that hat trick, though,” Sinc says regretfully.
“We got the win and home field for the playoffs,” Tobin states, “I don’t need to bag a hat trick, the team needed the win.”
“So noble,” Lindsey teases, elbowing Tobin.
Just as Tobin is about to reply, there’s another knock at the door. She sticks out her tongue and elbows Horan as she moves to get the door.
Ana, Andressinha, Midge Purce and Meghan Klingenberg enter her condo, Tobin trailing behind as they all head to stand around the island in the kitchen, setting a couple of six packs of beer on it and then receiving the plates Lindsey hands them.
Plates and beers in hand, they all settle in the living room, sitting on the couch and floor, talking about the match, sharing their thoughts on how they played and how excited they are for the playoffs. After they finish chowing down and the dirty plates are in the dish washer, they get another round of beers and discuss Tobin’s exciting news.
Tobin retrieves her laptop and reads them the email the production team sent her.
Then she hands them the list of equipment. Christine takes the laptop from Tobin, finding the website she had seen earlier about Vancouver Island information.
“So, your partner is a pro and they will be hiking in from somewhere else and meet up with you,” Lindsey repeats.
“Yeah,” Tobin nods.
“And you don’t know who it is?” Ana asks, looking at her with concern.
“No idea,” Tobin nods, “but I had to fill out a personality test and provide my likes and hobbies so I would think they want to either find someone compatible or my complete opposite. Oh, and they said it would be a woman.”
“I’d bank on complete opposite,” Kling predicts with authority, “makes for better TV.”
Tobin frowns, “I didn’t think of that,” she says quietly.
“Ah,” Andressinha throws her hands up, “Tobin, you get along with everyone,” she says forcefully, “you will be fine.”
“She’s right,” Lindsey points her bottle at Tobin, “doesn’t matter. Don’t dwell on it, it’s not in your control.”
“I mean, I could be wrong,” Kling admits, a little embarrassed for bringing it up.
“Hey,” Alex elbows Tobin, they’re sitting beside each other on the couch, “don’t worry about it.”
Tobin nods, “Yeah, you’re right.” She knows she can get along with just about anyone.
“Now, let’s talk about the weather.” Sinc announces.
They discuss the climate and what Tobin could expect and face on her trip for the next half hour. Then they move on to the gear selection.
“Your partner gets to choose ten more items after you do?” Kling asks.
Tobin looks down at the paper, “No,” she shakes her head, “my partner gets to choose five items.”
“Alright,” Lindsey nods, “let’s talk about what you need to create your shelter, get food and find a water source.”
An hour later, Tobin feels good about her choices for gear. The five items her partner would choose wouldn’t be absolutely necessary.
“If the fish are running, you definitely should smoke them,” Midge nods, “save them for winter months.”
“How would I store them?” Tobin questions, “There’s bears and cougars there.”
“Hang a bag from a tree branch, high.” Andressinha offers, “Or bury them.”
Tobin makes a note in her notebook, adding to the other suggestions she’s written down. “How deep?”
“If you get a bear bag or cannister, only a couple of feet. Maybe put a rock beneath it and tie it down in the hole.” Lindsey states.
“You get a two pack of tarps, so use one for the smoker,” Sinc says, “and make sure to keep it away from your camp.”
Tobin nods, writing again.
“Eat as much as you can when you’re working hard, keep those calories coming in,” Ana adds, “And be sure not to set up near any trails, make your own.”
“Yeah, stay away from the bear trails,” Kling advises, “and don’t puke on camera or eat anything gross. I don’t want to see that shit.”
“Oh!” Midge exclaims, “You should make a drying rack above your fire for your wood,”
All of them are nodding and Tobin writes it down, “Make sure you bring the max amount of cording you can,” Kling suggests.
“The best thing is you won’t be alone,” Sinc says, “that will help will the mental aspect.”
“Hey, what charity are you choosing?” Lindsey asks, leaning forward.
Alex isn’t one for survival camping, they’ve had her come out with a few times and, while she enjoys camping, she’s not one for relying on finding her own food. She’s been mostly silent while the others make their suggestions.
“Well, I can pick two for this,” Tobin says and takes a sip of her beer, “so I was thinking of one that’s national and one local.”
“Good idea,” Sinc nods, taking a drink as well.
“There’s so many good ones out there,” Kling says, “what ones are you thinking?”
“I was thinking maybe Operation Pitch Invasion for around here and To Write Love On Her Arms nationally.” Tobin replies, “What do you guys think?”
“Nice,” Alex says warmly, “nice mix.”
The others agree.
“I think it’s time to head out,” Kling announces, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow for recovery.” Ana, Midge and Andressinha also decide it’s time to go.
Christine is the last to leave, lingering in the kitchen after Linsey had departed.
Tobin walks back to kitchen, raising her eyebrows expectantly at her.
“You got everything cleared with Mark and Jill?” Christine asks, looking at her intently.
“Yeah,” Tobin nods, “they were both super cool about everything. Jill realized the good media coverage during the Victory Tour matches I miss and Mark likes the charity aspect and both know I’ll be back in good shape.”
“Good,” Sinc says, “I’m glad,”
“Me too,” Tobin agrees, “I was a little nervous, this is kind of a weird thing to do.”
“Not weird,” Sinc smiles at her, “it’s pretty fucking awesome and I know you’ll rock it.”
“Thanks, dude,” Tobin replies gratefully. She appreciates her support.
Christine steps towards her and gives her a hug, “You were amazing tonight,” she says, “made me wish you were Canadian,”
Tobin barks out a laugh as they step apart, “Funny,” she chuckles, “every time I step on the pitch here, I wish you were American.”
Sinc claps her on the back, “Well, at least we can kick ass here together, eh?” she gives her a crooked smile.
“Absolutely.” Tobin nods.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says, “I’m really excited for you.”
“Thanks,” Tobin says, following her towards the door, “it’s going to be amazing.”
She walks back in the living room seeing Alex on the couch looking thoughtful.
“Your goal tonight was a beast,” Tobin says as she sits down next to her on the couch, “that little right foot pop you did,” she shakes her head, “you nailed it.”
Alex grins, “Well, when the ball comes in so perfectly from you,” she says, “there’s no reason not to score,” she says humbly.
“Ah,” Tobin waves, dismissing her compliment, “that was all you.”
Alex sighs and looks at her, “Anyway,” she says, “I’m so excited for you,” she grins at her, “this sounds dangerous though,”
Tobin shrugs a little as she takes a sip of her water, “I mean, stuff can happen,” she admits, “but I’ll have a satellite phone to call for help and they’ll be there super quick.”
“Just promise me you’ll be careful,” Alex urges, “we’ve got the Olympics coming up next year,”
“Al, I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize my health,” Tobin says, “believe me, I know my limits.”
“I trust you,” Alex nods, “I’m just worried about the bears.”
“I’ll be fine,” Tobin assures her, “I’m more worried about finding food.”
An hour later Tobin lies in her bed, thinking about her eventful day. The buzz from the match is wearing off slowly, although she can’t help but smile thinking about her play tonight. She’s excited about this new adventure, she’s amazed she was selected.
The TV show Alone is one of her favorites. A group of ten people who have survival skills are selected to see how long they can last on their own in a remote wilderness setting. They film themselves and the only outside contact comes in the form of the medical crew who perform routine check ups to assure the contestants are healthy and the technical crew that makes sure their cameras are functioning properly. They also take the tapes from the previous days’ filming and provide any technical camera gear needs.
Contestants are given a satellite phone to use in case of medical emergencies or if they give up and disqualify themselves. Both instances result in a rapid response from the support team and they are filmed as they pack their gear and leave their isolated living area.
The show usually lasts until there is one final contestant that hasn’t left due to medical or personal reasons. The show Tobin is participating in will last a maximum of two months, mostly because the celebrity contestants have limited survival skills compared to the pros. Also, there’s the matter of availability for those contestants, most can’t give up a year. This particular series will have only five celebrities and five pros. They will begin on the first day of November. It would be the most unorthodox way Tobin has ever spent her off season, but she feels this could be one of the most rewarding ones as well.
Missing the final matches of the year with the National Team would be different, but she’s okay with it. She’s played a lot this year, they’ve traveled all over the country celebrating the World Cup win, she’ll be there for Cheney’s final match in October and that’s all that matters to her. She knows Abby is retiring as well, but she isn’t as close with her and with how Abby has been acting lately, she’s not even sure if the woman will notice she’s not there.
It is pretty common knowledge with the team that Abby has a problem with drinking and maybe even pills. She watches her pop the capsules all the time, she’s seen how many glasses of wine the woman has with dinner, she has for going on a couple of years now. It’s getting out of hand and she was truly worried for her. She convinced Alex, Christie Rampone, Pinoe and HAO to join her one night in August and they held an intervention with Abby. They each spoke of their concerns to her, offering love and support, pleading with her to accept help.
It wasn’t pleasant at all. Abby was in fierce denial, angrily confronting each of them with hateful speech about their playing abilities and personal life. She didn’t hold back, but neither did they. When things got heated, they ended it by having to separate Abby from Megan before it could come to blows.
The same group went to Dawn and Jill the very next morning, stating their concerns and sharing their experience. After swearing their complete confidence to the two women, Jill and Dawn told them how they’d been aware of the issue for a while and had been working with the medical staff and therapists in an effort to get Abby the assistance they knew she needed. Being very aware of her popularity and fame, they had to handle it as quietly as possible but everything was documented.
The problem was Abby wasn’t getting any medications from the team staff. She was using her personal doctors and that was a major issue. The drinking, they had been fining her consistently for over a year, not allowing her access to any team vehicles due to the possibility of drunk driving. Abby would simply rent vehicles and pay the fines.
They admitted they felt helpless and before the World Cup had considered leaking a rumor that she had a problem. Neither liked the idea, nor did the legal department. They followed the proper protocol and documented everything.
The last meeting Jill and Dawn had with Abby they told her she could either retire or she would be dismissed from the team and they would let the cards fall. Reality struck Abby when Jill informed her that her last match would be in New Orleans in November.
After that night, Abby was cold to her, Alex, HAO, Christie and Pinoe off the field and most practices, but during the matches after the World Cup, she was their teammate, celebrating goals with hugs and high fives, as if there was never an issue. When cameras were around, she was the enthusiastic, funny, Abby. In private, she could be a mean drunk.
So, Tobin has no issue not being there, even with the history and achievements Abby has, she doesn’t mind at all. She prays for her often, wishing and wondering if there’s anything she further she could do, but she knows it’s out of her hands. Abby has to wake up and want the help.
Her mind turns to other, more pressing thoughts, as she shifts in bed to get comfortable. How do I feel about living with a stranger, she wonders, shrugging herself further under the covers. I guess, okay, she nods to herself, I like meeting new people and anyone doing something like this has to be pretty cool. I wonder how long I’ll be able to last out there. Will I be able to find enough food? Can I make a shelter that will withstand all of the rain and snow that will come? How confident am I in knowing what types of plants are safe to eat? I hope I don’t have to eat any mice or bugs. Would I tap out if it came to that? Five hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money to sacrifice over a mouse or a slug. Would I do it?
She sighs and rolls over on her side, tiredness overcoming her. I guess I’ll find out, she thinks as she sighs once more and drifts off to sleep.
XXXX
September 26, 2015
“We fucking did it!” Allie screams into her face, smashing Tobin against her. “Harry, we won!”
Alex takes Tobin in her arms, swinging her around with such force, Tobin’s feet leave the ground. “You were amazing!” she says breathlessly, grinning wildly at her.
“We won, Al!” Tobin yells, “We did it!”
The Portland Thorns are celebrating their victory over the Western New York Flash. Tobin didn’t like that part of herself that was happy to see the disappointment on Abby’s face after their loss. When Tobin approached her for the handshake, Abby muttered to her to fuck off and Tobin laughed. That earned her a glare from the older striker and Tobin just smirked, told her to enjoy her retirement and walked away. She wasn’t proud of it, she didn’t like it, but what can you do. Abby pushed, elbowed and bullied her throughout the match with her fury only growing as Tobin danced around her and repeatedly nutmegged her.
The team gathered in the locker room, beer and champagne spraying everything and everyone. Happily they celebrated, hugging and thanking each other for an amazing season. After the major celebration was completed and they removed the plastic lining the locker room walls, the team slowly started to get showered up and changed into street clothes.
Before they left for the bus, Sinc shouts for everyone’s attention.
“Listen!” she yells, turning to scan the room, “Tobin Heath! Get your ass up here!”
Chants of her name start as Tobin walks up to stand next to her, wearing unbuttoned jeans, a sports bra and bare feet.
“What?” she asks, her eyes shifting around her teammates suspiciously.
“Tobin,” Christine begins, “before the end of the season craziness takes over, before we are scattered all over the globe, and before you leave for the great outdoors, we want to wish you good luck and safe journey.”
“Aw, guys,” Tobin says, completely not expecting this.
Lindsey and Andressinha step forward, “Tobin,” Lindsey begins, “I’m terrified for you and so incredibly proud and excited for you. We all chipped in and got you something, something that every time you use it, maybe you’ll think of something silly one of us has done and maybe you won’t feel so alone out there in the woods.” She hands over a long box wrapped in plain brown paper.
Tobin takes it in her hands, it’s not too heavy and she has no idea what it could be.
“That better not be a vibrator!” Kling yells out and the locker room erupts in laughter.
Tobin turns beet red, sending a glare towards Lindsey, “Horan…”
“It’s not!” Lindsey pleads, “Just open it.”
Tobin unwraps the box, sees the label on the black lid and her heart rate increases. She lifts the lid off to reveal a beautiful knife with a stainless steel blade and black checkerboard grip.
“Guys,” she whispers, lifting the knife from the box and setting the box down on a chair. She marvels at it, it feels so good in her hand.
“Your camp knife was starting to rust at the hilt,” Christine explains, “we couldn’t let you go out there with something like that.”
Tobin looks up and makes eye contact with her teammates, “Thank you so much,” she says, “this is so rad, it’s perfect,”
“Just come back to us in one piece,” Allie says, wiping away a tear, “and have an amazing time.”
Tobin nods, “I will,” she says with emotion in her voice, “thank you guys, this means so much to me.” She knows how expensive this knife is, she feels so humbled by their generosity.
“Kick some ass out there, Tobin,” Emily Sonnett cheers, “we’ll all be watching.”
Tobin smiles, “I’ll do my best.”
“You always do,” AD says, “go kill it.”
“Just, no bug eating, okay?” Kling pleads.
“Can’t make any promises on that,” Tobin chuckles.
“Guys, we should get dressed and get out of here,” Allie suggests, “we have a party waiting for us back at the hotel!”
A cheer goes up and everyone gets back to packing their lockers and finishing getting dressed. Tobin sits in her chair in front of her locker, still looking at the knife. Emily elbows her, “We were at the store for two hours choosing this one.” She explains, “It’s from a Swedish outdoor company and has been rated the best knife in all sorts of magazines. Ana approved, she liked this one the best.”
“It’s wonderful,” Tobin murmurs, gripping the knife and then slowly putting it in the sheath. She looks at Emily, “I really appreciate it.”
Emily gives her a wink and begins to throw her clothes in her bag.
XXXX
October 10, 2015
“I’ve been so blessed to play with you,” Tobin sobs in Lauren’s arms, her back heaving against her and Amy Rodriguez. The New Kids. It’s Lauren’s last match as well as Tobin’s before she leaves for her TV show.
The three are huddled on the sidelines before the warmup of the match, tightly holding onto each other. They can’t hear the crowd noise, so many people cheering for them as they prepare to do one last jump on the pitch. It’s just the three of them.
“It’s been a ride and I’ve loved every minute with the two of you,” Lauren says, her voice uneven as she tries to hold back from crying as hard as Tobin.
“I’m gonna miss you, Chen,” Amy says, her voice husky and cracking from emotion.
“I’m only a phone call away,” Lauren assures both of them, “it’ll be nice to eat some ice cream while watching the two of you sweat your asses off,”
That gets them laughing a little, “C’mon,” Lauren says, squeezing her arms around Tobin and Amy, “let’s do this,”
“I don’t wanna,” Tobin says with a sniffle, unmoving, “if we just stay here, it won’t happen,”
Lauren pinches the back of Tobin’s arm, hard. “Pull yourself together, Heath!” she mimics Abby’s voice, using the phrase Abby has been enjoying spitting out at them lately when she feels they haven’t given her enough balls to score with.
“She’s such a bitch,” Amy mutters with a chuckle, “I’m only passing to Alex today,”
They stand slightly apart, wiping their eyes and taking a few deep breaths.
“Let’s make this one a match to remember, alright girls?” Lauren asks, opening her arms for them to links with hers.
Tobin links in, nodding, “I’ll miss you,” she says, “you’re the best middy I’ve ever played with,”
“Shut up,” Lauren smiles, “we play with Boxxy,” she elbows Amy, “she gets so mushy,”
Amy shakes her head, leaning forward to stick her tongue out at Tobin.
Lauren jerks both of their arms, “Let’s do this.” She says, “One, two, three!” They jump for the last time.
The match is a blur to Tobin, she vaguely remembers crying once again in the locker room, holding onto to Lauren as she dragged her to the bus. Alex held her on the ride back to the hotel, letting her sniffle and be emotional and mourn the privilege of playing with Lauren for one last time. Tobin had promised Lauren she would go out with her and the group tonight and not be a drag, so she was trying to pull herself together.
Lauren was her rock, her person. The one who just got her. Alex and Allie were fast becoming her people too, but Lauren was there at the beginning of her National Team career, Amy too. That time when all three were so young and nervous, scared they might fail at the opportunity of a lifetime. They grew into professionals together, they cemented their faith in God together, they would be lifelong friends. But playing together, sharing that joy, the loss of that was something Tobin mourned and grieved over.
The three of them shared a hotel room for one last time on their last trip. They stayed up late into the night, retelling stories with others in their room, taking bets on when Cheney would get pregnant. They talked about Tobin’s adventure. Alex, Kelley, HAO, Allie, Lauren and Amy were mesmerized by Tobin’s description of what she thought she would face in the woods.
When they all had to depart the next afternoon, Tobin felt better about the whole thing, she understood and supported Lauren’s reasons for leaving but wished things were different. She knew Lauren and Jrue wanted to start a family, heck, Lauren told her two years ago she could hear her biological clock ticking when Amy got pregnant. She knew it was a matter of time Lauren would walk away. Her head knows it’s for all the right reasons, her heart, well, her heart will just miss her.