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William genuinely can’t remember the last time he hasn’t been cold. Forget about any sort of heat, even the slightest spark. He can wear as many layers of clothing as he wants, sleep under as many blankets as he can find, he always, always wakes up with that chilling feeling, clinging to his bones, and he just can’t get rid of it.
He has found ways to soften it, whether it’s drinking a hot beverage, or sitting in front of the fire, but that only manages to reach the surface, and it never completely dissipates the deeply rooted sensation.
He doesn’t really shiver anymore. He has read that this is a bad sign. That when you stop shivering, it means that your body has given up. It knows you’re going to die, it’s just saving energy to try to make you hold a little longer.
Sometimes, parts of him wishes it’s true. Sometimes, parts of him wonders just how much longer he is supposed to endure this agonizing cold.
Sometimes, he wishes it’s not too long anymore.
Most of the time, though, he tries not to think about it. He also doesn’t let himself imagine, doesn’t let himself dream about what could be, because it’s not fun anymore, it’s just painful. To think about the things he will never have. To watch the world move around him, knowing that he will never be able to be a part of it. Knowing that he will never share with others what they share.
He has never dared to even think about love — about contact, about feelings that he could have, even less about feelings people could have for him — but lesser things he knows will forever be denied to him as well. He keeps his head low, like it will not hurt as much if he pretends it doesn’t exist.
He’s always on the verge of bursting into tears. He never does.
He just feels cold, and lonely.
That was, until she arrived.
Nora… Nora was a flame . She was burning high and bright. So, so far out of his reach, so much better than anything he could ever dream of. And making everything so much more complicated.
Nora made everything look easy. Possible . With her around, it was suddenly much more difficult to ignore what he had always ignored. So far, he had always managed to stop himself from wanting things, which was the simplest way out, the one that was the least painful.
But Nora… He couldn’t stop himself from wanting her. Not — not in any strange ways. Not even in a romantic way. He would be content just to be able to stand by her side, would be happy to walk in her shadow for the rest of his life.
This was exactly what he couldn’t have.
He couldn’t be around her.
He shouldn’t have even considered the possibility for more. It was just that when Nora laughed, he couldn’t help the thought piercing through his mind. He could try to make it go away, he could pretend that it had never been there, but he would be lying.
And suddenly, things crumbled.
Suddenly, he couldn’t just pretend he was fine. He couldn’t pretend he had never wanted anything, because he did . Every wall he had ever built fell down. He wanted everything, he wanted friends, he wanted a family, he wanted warmth, he wanted touch, he wanted love, he wanted to be loved, he wanted to be loved !
Being around her was the best and the worst thing he had ever felt, and he hated that he couldn’t even enjoy it because of his greed. Because he craved more . He was so selfish — this should have been enough.
But he wanted more.
There wasn’t much Nora could do to change his mind, even after the drastic changes in his situation, after Samhain, but she did everything she could. She didn’t know everything of course, although she could still tell how bad William often felt. She did what no one had done before her, and exactly what he needed.
She stayed .
She stood by his side, and she let him just enjoy her presence. Silently at first, because he wasn’t used to much more, and it was the most wonderful thing he had ever done. Then they started speaking — actually speaking, having true conversation, not just him nodding and… well, and stuttering and blushing — and once again, he went through that new experience with amazement.
Then came the touches. The hugs, her hands on his or in his.
And then…
They had spent their afternoon in the library, together. They made sure he didn’t spend too much time away from his ghosts, but Guess had been right, those weren’t as possessive. They still enjoyed their time alone though.
Well — he did, at least. Nora couldn’t really tell they were there, although she had seemed to get a little more sensitive to them, which he didn’t really like. He didn’t want her to be in danger in any way.
They had stayed on the sofa, her legs resting on his, both of them reading.
He didn’t think she knew how good it was, to be able to do that. To share such simple things with her.
Finally, she had closed her book shut and had stretched herself. He had looked up, and smiled at her.
Her heart had missed a beat, and he had felt the surge of delectably painful emotion in her, the same one he felt more and more often.
The only thing that managed the cold go away, even if it was only for a few stolen moments.
He had noticed her eyes flickering to her lips, seen her swallow. She had removed her legs, sitting next to him, letting their shoulders touch and intertwining their fingers. She had sighed softly, ran her fingers through her hair.
William wasn’t too sure what had gone through his mind then.
Softly, slowly, his hand had reached for her face, soon followed by the other one. She had stared at him, eyes wide, cheeks burning under his palms. She hadn’t said anything. He had leaned closer, just as slowly, his eyes never losing hers, searching for any sign that she didn’t want this. He didn’t find any, just anticipation, and then he couldn’t even hear her thoughts over how loud his own heart was beating.
Hesitantly, he pressed his lips against hers.
And then, he couldn’t think.
He felt her breathe in sharply, and then move closer, her hands reaching for his, keeping them in place. Letting him now that this was okay, that this was good , that she wanted it, that she wanted him.
It was all so wonderfully overwhelming. Her warmth, her taste, her smell, her feelings… He wanted to be aware of everything . He never wanted to let her go again.
He let out a long breath as he rested his forehead against hears, incapable of letting go just yet.
He heard her soft chuckle, and he looked up, but she was smiling.
“Wow.”
Yes, he could agree with that feeling.
“You’re… You’re wonderful, William.”
He closed his eyes.
I love you .
He held her a little tighter. Neither of them could say it out loud just yet — but it was there. Between them, and inside both of them.
Her love was burning like a flame in his chest and his mind.
If anything could make the cold go away forever, it would be this.