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You checked your appearance in the mirror one last time. Granted, you already did that at least five times in the past one and a half minutes, but today was a big day. After all, it was the day you’d finally meet BTS. You got chosen for a fansign, and you only had to buy 5378 albums for that. Which, of course, wasn’t a big deal for you, since you were a multi-millionaire and only peasants with no money will act as if not submitting yourself to capitalism is the way to go. You looked into the mirror one last time, thinking about how superior you are to every single person around you, and left the house.
On the train ride, you had a lot of time to think, so you started recalling all the years you’d been a fan of your favorite Bangladeshi Boys. A frown creeped its way onto your face when you remembered all the hardships they had to face; not because of any scandals or anything like that, but because of discrimination against one of the members: Kim Taehyung. Not only was he a hamster hybrid, but also hamster-sized instead of taehyung-sized. Because of this, the group got a lot of hate. Taehyung was accused of faking being hamster-sized, he had a public breakdown once because he almost got stepped on during an award show, and people kept throwing hamster-wheels at the other members. They didn’t only face hardships of course; they gained their popularity through their abilities to manipulate and deceive the human eye into thinking Taehyung was human-sized or all other members were hamster-sized through different effects in music videos. Once, they even hired a Taehyung lookalike which he would control like the rat in Ratatouille did, and that worked fairly well.
When you stopped daydreaming about seven Korean men you didn’t even know personally, you realize you’d missed your stop. It wasn’t a big deal of course, since you could just bribe the train driver into reverting time so you wouldn’t miss it.
Finally, you arrived at the building the fansign was located in, your heart thumping in your chest. You didn’t really know what to expect once you opened the door and stepped inside, but it definitely wasn’t all BTS members just sitting in a circle in an empty mall. The second you placed your foot inside the room, all eyes were on you.
“Hey, where is everyone else, isn’t this a fansign,” you muttered, a bit nervous. They just kept staring at you. You’d tell them to stop but they’re in there. Finally, Namjoon, ah, sorry, RapMonster, broke the silence by looking you into the eye and stating: “So you’re the one who bought 5378 of our albums and destroyed the chance of any other army attending this fansign.” “U-uh..,” you stammered and got red. “Thank you so much, I’m always terrified people who write dumbification fics will come and read them out loud to us,” Yoongi said with a smile and stood up to shake your hand.
After each member expressed their gratitude towards you and both Seokjin and Hoseok gifted you individual awards, you all sat down to gossip about people who aren’t multi-millionaires, or, as you like to call them: garbage.
But soon enough, you talked less and less to the other members and only to Taehyung, you fucking solo stan. Mainly because he climbed on your shoulder and started eating holes into your shirt. It was in this moment when you remembered what you wanted to tell him. “Hey, Taehyung, I wanted to tell you something,” you blurted out and he looked up at you, storing the ripped out cloth inside his hamster cheeks. “What is it,” he squeaked hamsterly. “I wanted to tell you that, whenever I see an army online who likes a member more than others, I call her a solo stan and get a bunch of other armys to send her death threats and bully her into deactivating!,” you confess with a proud look on your face. “Wow! That’s amazing,” Taehyung replied in his hamster-voice, “I love it when teenage girls who don’t know me or my friends personally attack each other online because they have differing opinions on seven adult multi-millionaires” He looked up and smiled his hamster-smile at you. “Hey, do you wanna do something after this? What’s your name?” “It’s Y/N,” you told him. “Ah..,” he had a puzzled expression on his face, “I’ve never heard that name in my entire life, hamster and human years. How do you pronounce it?” A wave of happiness washed over you. People had often be confused or irritated by your name, but they’d never bothered asking how to pronounce it. This hamster-sized hamster-man was truly something special. “I-it’s pronounced Why-Slash-Anne,” you said, flustered. “What a pretty name,” the hamster-hybrid-kpop-boy said and smiled at you.
After that, everything went pretty fast. You started dating, he proposed after three months and soon after, you got married. Sure, the height difference was a problem sometimes, but, first of all, height differences are cute and second of all, there was a fetish like that somewhere out there, right? You were sure about it.
Everything was going perfectly. You moved in with hamster-sized hamster-hybrid Taehyung, you got him a hamster-sized doll house for hamster-sized hamster-human-hybrids that he could live in, he sued Gucci until they published a collection only for hamster-sized hamster-Taehyungs specifically. Life was good.
That is, until one day, you got a call from the hospital, saying that Taehyung collapsed during a show. When you arrived at the hospital, the doctor was already waiting there for you. “So, are you Misses Y/N, ma’am?,” he asked. “Actually, it’s pronounced Y/N,” you corrected him with an annoyed expression. “Ah, I don’t really care,” his expression suddenly became unreadable. The word “expression” was used way too many times in the past few sentences, you thought to yourself. “Your hamster-sized hamster-hybrid-Taehyung hamster-husband has a rare disease, ma’am,” the doctor started, gulping. You felt tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. “You will not find this disease online or any people who can confirm it exists, since it’s very contagious and deadly, so don’t try. But it definitely exists,” he continued, “the symptoms include throwing pots around, wearing an excessive amount of green clothes, sometimes just an action as simple as dyeing your hair blond” You started having a suspicion where this was going and were doing your best to stay calm. “in the end, the disease will directly attack the Central Nervous System, resulting in the victim of the disease only being able to communicate in sentences like ‘KYEAH!! HUH! TSE! KYAAAHHH! HUHGHN’. Ma’am, we’re afraid your hamster-hybrid hamster-sized hamster-Taehyung hamster-husband is turning into Link from The Legend of Zelda. It’s a horrible disease, and the only cure is fighting the Bongo Bongo Man.” By the end of the sentence, the doctor’s voice cracked and tears started rolling down his face. You didn’t know how to react or what to do. Everything around you felt numb, all that you had built suddenly collapsing around you.
TO BE CONTINUED…