Archive of Our Own

It was with a sense of foreboding that Julian set his things aside the morning they were set to leave. Five months, five months of frolicking and easygoing days gone in an instant.

No, it did not vanish, they created those days, they created the false sense of peace and set their responsibilities aside for them to enjoy. War was never gone. War was always here.

With an unfamiliar nervousness settling in his stomach, he looked at himself in the mirror — a strange chill seeping through his veins, his fingertips felt like ice.

He had a bad feeling about this.

He chased Goyo up the path after seeing him run past him like the Americans was hot on his tail. 

" Puta— " he huffed behind him, watching him go through tall grass and disappear behind it.

"Goyong!"

He called but to no avail, like the last few times he tried to call his attention, the general continued on. Julian had a sudden flashback to when they were young — where Goyo left him and Vicente in the dust playing langit-lupa , Goyo running at the head without a care in the world — but this wasn't a game, and they weren't children anymore.

Punyeta Julian, lumilipad utak mo, he scolded himself, finally breaking through the meadow and spotting his little brother pausing to catch his breath. It was then Julian tried again.

"Goyong!"

He did react to his call now, but he waited for Julian to catch up before giving a response.

"Tignan mo kuya," his arm stretched to the valley, indicating the view in front of them. Julian wanted to say "Oh ano ngayon?" before his brain caught up and assessed the strategical advantage his brother thought of.

His golden tooth shone when he grinned, "Kita mo ang buong tanawin."

Goyo's grin was contagious, apparently, when Julian felt the edge of his lips turn upwards. "Sa susunod wag ka ngang tumakbo nang bigla-biglaan, ha? Nakakagago eh."

He felt like scolding a child now, but he couldn't help it, he was his darling little brother. The young general flashed him an apologetic smile in return, and gestured his brother to go back.

Julian shook his head laughing, then his grin widens when he realized Vicente was behind, catching his breath and running towards them, seemingly following Julian's trail when the both of them ran away — dead last as always as his short legs carried him closer to the two Del Pilars.

"Putek, akala ko nabaliw na kayo."

"Hindi naman siguro tayo aabutin ng pasko dito, ano?" Vicente started, making small talk as they trek the mountain. "Kating-kati na ako umuwi ng Bulacan."

"Lagi ka naman nangangati," Julian snickers, but gets cut off by the other colonel's jab to his ribs.

It felt good to be laughing, he felt younger, he felt livelier.

The scuffle between the two childhood friends ceased as Julian watches Goyo in the corner of his eyes, noticing the somber and thoughtful visage of his brother. He was about to comment about it, meant to joke about Vicente's itchiness towards their young photographer to lighten up the mood… to wipe that frown from his face, when suddenly, gunshots echoed off from the top of the trench.

All too soon, the three of them felt dread drop to their demeanor. The joke died in Julian's throat, and Goyo sprinted off first like he always does.

A new sickness settled in Julian's stomach, ice seeped into his bones.

He got a bad feeling about this.

Julian was never a superstitious man, but he knew somewhat in his gut that there was something wrong. All of this was wrong... he can feel it.

His instincts were proven correct when he saw the squad on the topmost part of the trench getting bombarded by American bullets, watched his brother instruct Joven to get the hell out of here, and heard the general shout in the midst of battle: "Titignan ko ang bilang nila sa baba; tinyente, Guerrero, sumama ka sakin. Dito kayo muna at kakailanganin ka nila," he added to him and Vicente, but Julian interjected.

"Goyong, ako sasama sa iyo."

The young Del Pilar was about to sit up when he caught his brother's words, his eyes full of hesitance. "Pero—"

"—sasama ako sa iyo." He added strongly, reaching his hand forward to grip Goyo's shoulder. Julian knew that if they continue on with this argument, it will be a while for them to assure himself that Goyo would be okay without him; but the future isn't certain, and time was a luxury they can't afford.

Goyo conceded, and the three of them went away with their own endeavors.

Along the way, Julian couldn't take this feeling off of his chest, this sense of dread overwhelming his senses; it was unfamiliar to a soldier such as himself considering the number of battles he had experienced in his younger years; he did not even realize he followed his brother to the edge of the cliff, overseeing the whole valley; nor did he concede to the callings of "Heneral! Koronel!" behind them... he was in a trance, in a dream-like sequence where everything before him moved slowly, his vision focused on the face of his thoughtful little brother, who was lost in the thoughts of his own.

There, Julian realized, how Goyo truly grew up to be the general everyone admired. He could feel the shift from him as the young general nods to himself, how his eyes steeled with a decision that he seemingly made up on his own, and with a look thrown to his way — a look that screamed resignation and with a sad glint in his eyes — grasps Julian's shoulders with a commanding force.

"Kuya,"

The younger Del Pilar acknowledges his presence, then started towards where the others stood, like it was a sign to go and follow him. Julian stood rooted in the spot, watching him go, watching him surpass himself once again like he always does.

His baby brother has made a decision. His baby brother realized something. Something they both knew: that it was hopeless, that they weren't going out of this battle alive, and the only choice they have left is to try and fight back with what little dignity they have left as soldiers of this country.

And as the older brother, he won't let his brother carry that realization alone, and he strongly believed that if it ever came to dying… even if it meant protecting him with his own life, he would do so.

He caught up to Goyo, running up the path and shouldering his rifle just in time to tell him, "Goyong, tapusin na natin 'to—"

But suddenly there was a gunshot, and everything ended.

" Wag... "

Was the last words he heard from him.

There wasn't even the chance to say goodbye.

The pain did not even register, wherever that bullet dug through, there was this unmentionable pain ripping through his chest at the voice.

“—wag…”

In his very last moments, Julian cried at the thought of leaving his little brother alone in the world. He realized above all else that what mattered to him was not just keeping his little brother alive, but also being alive for his little brother, Goyo.

He heard the cries of agony the young general made before Julian left this world—

Kuya, wag…

— and realized he didn’t want to die.