Archive of Our Own

Driving Home For Christmas

“So, Christmas is right around the corner.” Die sounded happy. A little mischievous perhaps.

Kaoru put the sheet music he was studying down and gave the redhead a pointed look. He grunted lowly and went back to the paper.

“And so is my birthday…” The younger tried to sound innocent, but the sing-song voice, the grin on his face and the playful glint in his eyes were dead giveaways for the fact that he was curious, and overly so. Kaoru was good at making gifts, so the rhythm guitarist could barely contain his excitement anymore, he wanted to know so badly.

“It won’t work, you know,” the leader sighed and nearly crossed his eyes he tried to focus on the notes in front of him so hard. No matter how much the other guitarist was going to beg, Kaoru had never given even so much as a hint and he sure as hell wasn’t going to start now.

But Die wouldn’t let the older ignore him and promptly started poking his sides and belly with two long, skinny digits. “Come on, tell me already!”

Swatting at Die’s hands uselessly for a while, Kaoru finally dropped the sheet to the table again and grabbed the taller man by the wrists, groaning faintly. “Stop it,” he warned, his voice a low growl.

The redhead grinned down at his leader and, on the spur of the moment, took a step towards him, right into his personal space, then leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Shocked, the leader dropped the other’s wrists as if they were on fire and took a step back, now glaring daggers at his best friend just as Toshiya barked out a laugh. “Jesus, get a room.” Kaoru, rolling his eyes, gave him the finger while Die turned to the bassist and blew him a kiss, accompanied by a suggestive wink. Again, Toshiya laughed. “You two spending Christmas together, then?” he asked as he walked closer, all swaying hips and graceful steps, and threw an arm around Die’s shoulders. He looked back and forth between them, caramel eyes glinting curiously.

One of the leader’s eyebrows nearly vanished below his blond fringe as he raised it questioningly at the raven haired bassist. “You think even for one second that I’d volunteer to spend time with his huge, obnoxiously loud, annoying family?” His voice was caught in a place somewhere between amused and irritated.

Toshiya’s own brows rose in surprise at the harsh words while Die huffed out a breath and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Hey!” the redhead exclaimed, but a grin graced his heart shaped lips, “My family is great! They’re very loving, and they care about people.”

The older snorted. “If by loving and caring, you mean clingy and nosey.” He didn’t have the fondest of memories from his last time coming with Die to one of his family’s celebrations. There had been too many people who were far too drunk, far too touchy, far too loud and one of Die’s sisters, Hikari, just couldn’t leave him alone with questions about his personal life, more than once asking if Kaoru and Die were dating.

But he had to admit, they had been very kind to him, especially the other guitarist’s mother. She had greeted him with a hug, given him compliments about his hair, which had been messy and purple with long black braids at the time, and then promptly put him to work by asking him to help in the kitchen. All in all, they had made him feel like he was part of the family. And if he was completely honest with himself, he had very much enjoyed that. So, actually, they were nice, caring and loving people and Kaoru would give his right hand to have parents and siblings like Die. But there was no way in hell he was going to admit that to anyone. Ever.

Die lightly kicked the leader’s shin and in doing so, ripped him out of his thoughts. Kaoru’s eyes snapped up to meet the other’s cinnamon ones questioningly. “I asked what your plans for Christmas are.”

Blinking, Kaoru thought about it for a moment, came up empty, and shrugged. There was no concert to play for them this year and they already wrapped up work on their new single, embryo, about a week ago. It would come out the day before Die’s birthday. Furthermore, almost all of the songs for their for January planned album release were in place, two of them only needed a few finishing touches. All that was missing was a name for the album itself, but that was something Kyo would eventually come up with and everyone else was likely to just agree with it anyway. Their singer was the one of them truly good with words, after all.

Die frowned. “What, nothing? Not even a date?” He sounded disbelieving.

The blond haired man shook his head. “Nothing whatsoever,” he confirmed, jerking his shoulders again in the pretence of unaffectedness. He’d love to not have to spend the holidays all by himself, but there wasn’t really anything he could do about it. His father didn’t want to see him even after he had become famous and thus, his mother had to pretend to not care about her only son as well. His sister might call, but that wasn’t really having plans, now, was it? And he sure as hell wasn’t going to beg his friends to take him in, either. That would just be sad and pathetic, and he intended to keep his dignity intact. Plus, he didn’t want to be a burden; the others were supposed to enjoy their holidays, not feel responsible for the leader’s happiness -- or lack thereof. It was a rare enough occurrence that they did not have to worry about work around Christmas and instead could take some time off.

Toshiya inhaled sharply and made a face, finally dropped his arm from around Die’s shoulders and instead moved in to try and hug Kaoru, who, snapped out of his thoughts by the sudden approach, held out his hands in front of him and took a step back to avoid the gesture. Both the bassist and Kaoru’s fellow guitarist were very physical people, which was fine, usually. But right now, the older man didn’t feel like playing personal teddy bear for either of them; being subjected to their pity. After all, his dignity was at stake.

“Well, it’s decided then,” the redhead huffed, “You’re spending Christmas with my huge, obnoxiously loud, annoying family.”

Kaoru’s eyes widened slightly, his brows rose up almost to the roots of his bleached hair, and he opened his mouth to object, but Die cut him off with a gesture of his hand before he could even get a word out. “And that is final.”

Huffing, the older rolled his eyes. “What, don’t you have a date for Christmas?” he asked, his deep baritone taking on a teasing quality.

Die offered him a grin and, with a sly sort of wink, retorted, “I do now.”

Toshiya laughed and clapped his hands in an excited sort of gesture. Kaoru groaned, feigning annoyance, when really, he was secretly quite happy to have been invited to spend Christmas with one of his favourite people, as opposed to sitting at home all alone, drinking himself stupid and hating his life, his parents and the whole world.

Die truly was a good friend, Kaoru thought as warmth spread through his body, starting from his heart (and he sincerely hoped it didn’t show on his face). The redhead was skilled in the art of asking without actually asking, not forcing the blond to admit that spending Christmas with him and an actual family for once was what he wanted and thus losing his face in front of, well… no one, really, because Die and Toshiya both knew full well that the leader had feelings just like anybody else. But they respected him and his desire to appear a little distant, a little indifferent, as if nothing could ever faze him, even when they all knew it wasn’t (always) the case. In fact, they just as much relied on it, on him being calm and collected and looking at things from an outside perspective, watching over them. That was because whenever there was a problem of any sort, big or small, Kaoru was the one dealing with it from an objective, no-bullshit angle; grasping it by the roots and pulling it out before it could fester and grow. That’s why his four friends had mutually promoted him to leader in the first place, back in the day when they had realised that a band without someone taking the reins just wasn’t going to get anywhere.

Despite himself and his making a show of how cool he was, he reached out to both other men and lightly squeezed their shoulders, offering an affectionate smile before he went back to the sheet music he had been studying earlier. It was all he could do to bite his tongue and not tell them just how much he loved them right then, completely disregarding the fact that they were fully aware of his feelings anyway.

God, why did the approaching holidays always make him so mushy?

~

Christmas shopping was a pain in the ass and Kaoru hated it. Christmas shopping with Die was even more of a bother. And last minute Christmas shopping with Die and Toshiya was nothing short of agony.

Kaoru felt like a fucking pack mule, stumbling after the two younger men through a loud, overcrowded mall, struggling not to lose them in the mass of strangers and noise. None of the bags he carried were actually his own, most of them were Die’s, the rest belonged to the bassist. They had the annoying habit of stopping in front of a shop window, seeing something they liked and pushing their bags at Kaoru ‘to hold for just a moment’ before vanishing into the store. When they came out, regardless of if they had bought anything or not, they would just continue on their merry way without even considering taking their stuff back. It was like shopping with his sister, only worse, because she, at least, would actually include him in the shopping, buy things with him and ask his opinion, instead of just using him as her baggage slave. Not that she wouldn’t make him carry her shit, too, but at least she’d ask him to do it instead of just assuming the right to burden him with it.

The lead guitarist groaned to himself, trying to catch up with the two other men who were a good few paces in front of him now, chatting animatedly. His feet and arms hurt and he wanted to go home. Why had he agreed to this again? Oh, yeah, that’s right. He hadn’t.

Die had knocked on his door at one o’clock in the afternoon, told him to put on shoes and a jacket and ‘come with,’ not even disclosing where he wanted to go. When Kaoru hadn’t made a move, the younger had tugged at his sleeve, put on his best puppy dog eyes and that had been enough to make the leader relent, albeit with a roll of his eyes. Okay, so technically, he had agreed to this, but hadn’t known he was coming along for a goddamned shopping trip of all things, since his deceptive best friend had withheld that particular information until they sat in Toshiya’s black Mitsubishi and were already moving through traffic.

When Kaoru almost ran into the bassist, he snapped out of his thoughts and gave both of his friends a long-suffering look, despite the fact that he wanted to smack them, hard, with the shopping bags he was carrying. Toshiya, who had been chatting with Die about something or other, smiled at him sweetly and slung an arm around his shoulders, squeezing lightly. Kaoru was too much of a wreck at that point to even consider protesting about the public display of affection anymore, so he just sort of slumped against the taller man, feeling drained.

“How about a coffee break?” the raven haired asked then, his voice cheerful. The three rings on his left ear jingled merrily as he jerked his chin forward, indicating the general area behind Die. “I realise seven o’clock is a little late for coffee, but! There’s that sweet café up ahead and I swear to God they make the best raspberry cheesecake you have ever had.”

The leader perked up visibly at those words. He loved raspberry cheesecake. And he most certainly needed a break. Something about his expression must have been funny, because both other men started to chuckle simultaneously before they relieved the older of some of the weight he was hauling around and heading off towards the coffee place. Kaoru trailed just behind them, in a considerably better mood already.

~

Die’s birthday, much like his boisterous personality, was anything but a quiet affair. They met at the guitarist’s loft at around eight o’clock in the evening to drop off their gifts (Kaoru had gotten Die a white gold bracelet, engraved with the word ‘Music’ and a tiny diamond next to it; to which Die pretty much squealed, loudly, and almost choked the older man with the crushing hug he gave him) and get their drink on before heading out to the redhead’s favourite bar. They had the place to themselves for the night, but that didn’t mean there wouldn’t be lots of people with them. Die had too many friends, Kaoru decided as he watched the younger chatting animatedly over the loud music with some girl who Kaoru had met before but whose name he had already forgotten again. Well, she was quite the eye candy, and most definitely Die’s type, he thought and sighed to himself.

Some tall, raven haired and very drunk guy was sitting next to the leader, almost shouting his life story into the blond’s ear. He tried to feign interest, pretended to listen, and kept on watching his best friend.

Toshiya almost fell into the leader’s lap when he came over with a scotch on the rocks and something that looked to be an appletini in his hands. He giggled at himself, obviously quite intoxicated already, and put the glasses on the table. He pushed the whiskey towards Kaoru who accepted it with a nod and immediately took a sip.

Leaning close to the older man’s ear, the bassist still had to yell over the music. “Aren’t you going to dance with the birthday boy?” His words were slightly slurred and his grin a little too wide. When Kaoru gave him an incredulous look but otherwise didn’t reply, Toshiya wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and poked his tongue out. “Well, if you won’t, I will,” the younger continued, shrugging, and took a swig from his cocktail.

Then he got up, looking incredibly graceful with his long legs clad in tight black jeans and his hips swaying as he moved towards Die, who was currently laughing at something. Why was it that the the bassist could look as hot as this and walk around so seductively, showing himself off to the world, even when he was drunk out of his mind; when the leader himself was one of those people that started tumbling over his words and often flailing around uselessly instead of walking properly when he had too much to drink? It wasn’t fair. Not at all.

Kaoru watched as Toshiya slung an arm around Die’s shoulders and said something into the redhead’s ear. He kept staring as his fellow guitarist grinned, nodded and took Toshiya’s offered hand to follow him to the dance floor. His eyes remained glued on the pair of them as they started to all but grind themselves against each other, their movements flowing like a river and seething like… something fiery. Kaoru wasn’t in a place where he could think straight anymore, and frankly, he didn’t care much to find a fitting analogy anyway. All he knew was that the scene in front of him made him swallow hard and curse the fact that the pair of them had to be so goddamn sexy.

The two men were still dancing when the song changed to something calm, and Kaoru watched Toshiya’s arms come around Die’s neck and the guitarist’s, in turn, circle around the bassist’s waist. The two of them all but cuddled on the dance floor while swaying to the music, whispering God knows what into each other’s ears. Suddenly, unbidden and unjustified, jealousy gripped the leader. It came over him fast and hard, slammed into him like a tidal wave, coiled around his lungs and choked him momentarily. He shook himself, groaned and averted his gaze, trying hard to focus on his scotch. He pushed the glass around in the condensation circle it had left on the table and fruitlessly attempted to think happy thoughts. Those usually consisted of Die and his smile that made the sun look bleak in comparison, but they did nothing to help him right now, served only to make him feel sick and heartbroken.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there staring at anything other than his dancing -- nay, snuggling -- friends, when suddenly, said friends were right in front of him. Die leaned on the table to enter Kaoru’s field of view and, in so doing, be able to see the leader’s eyes while he looked at him questioningly.

“What’s up with you?” he yelled against the music, but the older only shrugged in response. The redhead narrowed his eyes temporarily. “Don’t be such a killjoy. It’s a party! Have some fun!”

Kaoru rolled his eyes and finally lifted his gaze, for the first time actually looking at his best friend. And at Toshiya, who was standing right behind the rhythm guitarist, one hand on Die’s hip, holding a cocktail in the other. The leader frowned at the pair of them.

“You know,” Kaoru snapped suddenly and very uncharacteristically, “maybe you should take Toshiya with you for Christmas instead of me.” He picked up his glass and downed the last of the contents in one swig, then all but slammed the vessel back on the table.

Die’s eyes widened and his brows rose towards the ceiling as he leaned back against the bassist and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “What?” he asked, bewildered.

In utter contrast to the mood, Toshiya chuckled. “Gee, Kao, jealous much?” he teased, sticking his tongue out at the leader. He made a show of putting his drink down and pushing his now free hand over Die’s other hip to just below his navel, pulling the guitarist closer against himself in a somewhat possessive, definitely provocative gesture. He let his fingers play with the hem of Die’s black button-down shirt, and worst of all, Die let him, and Kaoru didn’t know what to say, or do, or feel, and so he growled in the back of his throat, unable to help himself. The music drowned out the sound anyway. At least, that’s what he hoped.

When Toshiya planted a kiss on Die’s cheek, Kaoru got up and all but fled. He only stopped in front of the club to fish a cigarette out of his pack and light it. But when he took the first, calming drag of nicotine and was about to keep walking, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Kao?” Die’s voice was gentle, but held a distinctly confused undertone. So many unasked questions.

The older guitarist tensed slightly, then forcibly relaxed his shoulders again and shook his head. “Sorry,” he said simply, “don’t know where all that came from.”

Die walked around him until he stood in front of the leader and took a step towards him, getting right up into his personal space like he so often liked to do. He put one finger under the leader’s chin and forced him to look up and into those cinnamon eyes. There was a soft smile on the redhead’s lips and somehow, Kaoru felt surprised he didn’t melt into a puddle right then and there. There was a sudden weakness to his knees and a little tremor in his hands. It made him drop his cigarette, but neither of them paid it any mind.

The moment seemed to last forever, though it could only have been a couple of seconds before the younger man opened his mouth and asked, “Will you dance with me?” He let go of the leader’s face and instead brought his hands together between them in a prayer like gesture, the ever present smile making room for a little pout. “Please?”

Kaoru had to snort and rolled his eyes at his friend in mock-annoyance. “I don’t dance,” he replied, amusement travelling on his voice, and he crossed his arms in front of his chest in the pretence of defiance.

Die, fluttering his lashes at the other guitarist, pouted even more. “But it’s my birthday!” he all but whined and elicited a chuckle from the older man.

Raising his hands in defeat, Kaoru sighed then. “Fine. One dance,” he replied and Die clapped his hands excitedly.

Grateful that Die hadn’t asked any uncomfortable questions and thus had preserved the leader’s dignity (like the wonderful friend that he was), Kaoru followed him back inside and let himself get dragged to the dance floor. When the redhead ground himself against the leader, the latter thought he might have died and gone to heaven.

He missed the knowing smile Toshiya wore while watching them.

~

It was a very cold and rainy morning on the 23rd of December. Die leaned against the side of his red BMW (he lovingly called her Baby, Kaoru mockingly called her Chick Magnet) and smoked one of Kaoru’s Mild Sevens, watching the older haul his luggage to the car.

Die unlocked the trunk for him and tossed the cigarette to the ground before finally deciding to help his friend store his stuff. He peered into the plastic bag that held a couple of wrapped gifts curiously. Kaoru’s eyes flitted to the younger man’s wrist, noting the bracelet he had gotten the redhead for his birthday. The sight made him smile a little to himself.

Grinning amusedly as Die almost sank face first into the plastic bag he was holding, he said, “Yours is at your parents’ house already, you know.”

The younger man’s head shot up instantly. “Oh yeah? What is it?” he asked excitedly, his eyes sparkling.

Kaoru simply shrugged. “You’ll find out soon enough,” he commented and pried the bag out of his friend’s hands to finally store it away between their suitcases and a bunch of other presents. He struggled with closing the almost overflowing trunk for a moment (Die had a lot of relatives and a gift for every single one of them) and Die laughed merrily at him.

The older just rolled his eyes and lit himself a cigarette. There was a strict no smoking rule inside of Die’s precious car, so he had to get his nicotine level up before they could start their long journey. When Kaoru had asked prior to their trip why exactly they were going by car, Die had explained that both using the train or taking a plane were too much of a hassle with all the luggage they would have. Now, Kaoru had to agree. Still, he didn’t look forward to the at least five hour long drive. And the fact that he didn’t own a license himself meant that Die had to do all the driving, which would probably leave him agitated; the redhead was a rather impatient driver.

When he finished his cigarette and crushed its remains on the sidewalk, Die looked at him, smiling softly. “Ready?” he asked, his voice holding a somewhat encouraging undertone.

Kaoru sighed. “No,” he stated honestly, looking the redhead straight in his cinnamon eyes, “but I don’t think I’ll ever be.” Just the thought of being surrounded by so many people made his stomach churn and his heart flutter unpleasantly. He was looking forward to it, really, but he tended to lose his ability to be his usual, cool self when around too many people. Especially when they were as sweet and welcoming as Die’s family. This kind of domestic bliss wasn’t something he was used to from his own home and, frankly, he doubted he could ever get used to it.

They grinned at each other, Die’s was encouraging while Kaoru’s was quietly conveying his insecurity, and shared another Mild Seven to calm their (Kaoru’s, really) nerves before finally getting on the road.

~

The drive had been long and exhausting so far, and it wasn’t even over yet. There had been a bunch of traffic jams, causing their journey to be extended by well over three hours. For the past hour, Die had taken to drumming his fingers against the steering wheel and cussing at every red light they had to stop at while driving though the outer city of Ise, the most populated town of Mie Prefecture, and the place Die had been born and raised. Kaoru had become more tense with each street they got closer to Die’s family home. The swearing coming from the redhead on his right didn’t help matters at all. Neither did the sickeningly sweet Christmas music sounding from the radio. Annoyed with having to listen to Gackt’s and Ayumi Hamasaki’s joined interpretation of Silent Night for the third time in about an hour, Kaoru turned the volume to zero, unable to reach the button to actually switch the device off from his slumped position.

When they finally crossed Miyagawa River, approaching the inner city, Die pulled out of traffic and put the car into park on the curb. To Kaoru’s questioning glance he simply sighed deeply and leaned back. “Smoke?” he asked, tension evident in his voice, and ran a hand through his red hair. The older nodded and got out of the vehicle almost hurriedly.

Die did the same and went around the front of his BWM to stand next to his friend on the sidewalk. Stealing the cigarette Kaoru had just fished out of his pack and making the older wonder why in the heck Die even bothered to buy his stupid Salem Lights when he always seemed to smoke Kaoru’s anyway, he leaned against the hood of the car and lit the cancer stick to take two quick, needy drags from it before exhaling the nicotine.

Kaoru observed his friend as he relaxed visibly and then lit his own cigarette, leaning against the passenger door by his hip. Both men sighed almost in unison and the redhead threw a sideways glance at Kaoru, grinning.

“Sorry I’ve been such a pain in the ass,” he said then and the older simply shook his head to signal it was no problem, but remained quiet otherwise.

Die nudged him with his shoulder. “Still nervous?” he asked, his voice taking on a playful note.

The other guitarist only offered a grunt in affirmation, which seemed to compel Die to throw his left arm around Kaoru’s shoulders and squeeze lightly.

“They’re not gonna eat you alive, I promise.” he almost whispered, his gentle tenor taking on a somewhat solemn quality. Kaoru chuckled at that.

“Good to know you’re going to make sure they kill me first,” he replied jokingly. It made Die release that melodic laugh of his that was so warm and bright it rivalled the sun and held the power to make even the grumpiest person smile. Kaoru felt all the tension fall off in that moment, and a warm, contented feeling settled over him. Nothing could scare him right then and he felt ready to take on the whole damn world if he had to.

“You are so precious,” chuckled the younger guitarist after calming down sufficiently enough to be able to speak again, and looked at Kaoru with a joyful glint in his cinnamon eyes. Once more he squeezed the leader’s shoulders before taking a final drag from his cigarette, discarding it on the floor and moving back around his car to get behind the wheel for the final stretch of their journey.

Once they were both seated and buckled up, Die turned the key in the ignition and pulled back out into traffic.

As soon as they pulled up in front of the Andō family home, about twenty minutes later, the front door swung open and four squealing, decidedly female versions of Kaoru’s best friend emerged. It was a myriad of long hair in four different shades of blond, and even longer legs. They were all over Die before he could even properly get out of the driver’s seat.

A lot of hugging and kissing happened until finally they let go of the redhead and turned their attention towards Kaoru, who had taken his sweet time to climb out of the vehicle. “Kaoru, it’s so good to see you again,” Hikari addressed him cheerfully while moving in for a hug. Tentatively, the guitarist returned the gesture, feeling a bit out of place. He stared at his best friend helplessly who, chuckling, peeled his younger sister off of Kaoru.

“Kari, let him breathe, yeah? I need him alive,” he said and stabbed his pointers into her sides, making her squeak helplessly and swat at her brother’s hands.

“Need him, huh?” Sueko, the youngest of the bunch, chimed in from behind her brother, “Wonder what for…” Her suggestive grin was almost immediately replaced by an expression of pain as Natsuko, five year’s Die’s and Kaoru’s senior, smacked the girl upside the head and cussed at her.

“You deserved that,” came a stern voice from the door as Sueko started to complain and six sets of eyes settled on Die’s mother, Hanae. She was a graceful woman, slender and tall, her face friendly and her eyes, the same shade of cinnamon as Die’s, held a warm spark. She looked much younger than her age of 55, and if Kaoru hadn’t known better, he would have thought she was in her mid-thirties; the only wrinkles in her face were around her eyes and lips, and those were from smiling and laughing.

Spreading her arms wide, she walked down the three steps from the front door towards her son and Kaoru, only to pull them both into her embrace at the same time. “My beautiful boys,” she almost purred and hugged them tightly, “I’m so glad to see you.”

Kaoru blushed something fierce, not properly prepared for this kind of welcome. “It’s nice to see you, too, Mrs. Andō,” he all but whispered, not trusting his voice. Something about the embrace of the woman made him feel right at home and he had to fight the urge to bury his face in the crook of her neck and inhale her scent. A pang of guilt flashed through him as he briefly thought of his own mother, who wasn’t all that affectionate, but loved him all the same. It was just that she valued her principles more, that she was more loyal to her husband than her own flesh and blood.

Next to his ear, he could hear Hanae tut. “Dear boy,” she scolded Kaoru in a gentle manner while squeezing his shoulder, “Mrs. Andō is my mother-in-law. You know my name, use it. Or call me mom, if that’s more comfortable for you.”

Die, who had wiggled out of the embrace, snorted at her. “Mama, please,” he said, his tenor playfully annoyed.

“Told you they’re dating,” Hikari chimed in from somewhere behind them, presumably addressing the other women and obviously having taken her mother’s comment for more than what it actually was. Kaoru, who was then released from Hanae’s embrace, watched the redhead cross his arms in front of his chest and glare daggers at the girl, his lips pressed into a thin line.

She laughed and pointed her finger at him. “Daisuke and Kao, sitting in a tree…”

“Jealous?” Die bit out, cutting her off and arching an eyebrow at her. Kaoru blinked back and forth between the two of them.

The girl opened her mouth for a response but was cut off by Fumiko, the only one of the sisters who had thus far not said a word. “Stop bickering and go inside, for goodness’ sake. There’s much to do and little time.” Her voice was low and her eyes held a quiet warning. Kaoru liked her.

Without another word, Die turned and moved to the trunk of his shiny red car, opened it, and started handing out pieces of luggage and presents to his sisters so they would help carry them inside. Finally, he picked up Kaoru’s suitcase, locked the car and moved up the three steps and into the house, motioning quietly for the older man to follow.

For a moment, Kaoru just stood there, staring after his friend, until Hanae nudged him gently towards the door. “Welcome home,” she said in a loving tone before heading inside, the guitarist trailing closely behind, a warm feeling in his chest. Home. Hearing that felt… nice.

~

After they had taken a late lunch, and smoked a cigarette to hurry their digestion along, Kaoru and Die excused themselves to the redhead’s bedroom to unpack and possibly catch a quick nap. They ignored the remarks Hikari and Sueko had about them sharing a bed, certain the girls would each earn a slap upside the head from Fumiko anyway.

Once they were upstairs and the door was closed behind them, Kaoru cleared his throat. Die, who had already picked up his suitcase, halted in the middle of opening it and turned to look at the other.

“Why, exactly, do your sisters think we’re a couple?” the older guitarist dared to ask, one brow raised inquisitively.

Die snorted softly, shrugged and resumed unpacking. “No idea. Wishful thinking?”

Kaoru frowned. “Why would they wish for their brother to be gay?”

The redhead, jerking his shoulders again, rolled his eyes mockingly. “Guess they like you. But seriously, no idea, ask them.”

The older sighed and began unpacking his own luggage. “And your mother? Does she welcome all of your friends like that, or...”

Now it was the taller man’s turn to sigh deeply. “No, she just really, really adores you. You made quite the impression last time you were here, you know. You’re polite and mature and kinda protective of me and what have you. Just why are you so hung up on this?” He sounded irritated, but just a tad.

Kaoru shook his head, immediately regretting even starting this conversation. “I’m sorry.”

Die waved it aside. “No, I am. I had no reason to snap at you.” The look he gave Kaoru then made the leader’s heart skip a beat. It was warm and loving, but at the same time held a hint of sadness. “It’s just…” Die started, but trailed off and shook his head. “Nevermind. Let’s talk about this later. We should get some rest while we can. Come on.”

With that, the taller man put his now half-empty suitcase aside and threw back the covers on the bed. Sitting down on the mattress and then falling back into the pillows, he motioned for Kaoru to do the same. The older obliged without hesitation, feeling drained from the long day, even though it was only about four o’clock in the afternoon.

They yawned and turned to more comfortable positions, Kaoru lying on his belly, Die turned onto his side, facing the other man, before the redhead pulled the comforter over them and they quickly sank into much needed sleep.

~

When he slowly awoke several hours later, Kaoru found himself in Die’s arms, his head on the other guitarist’s shoulder and one hand on his hip, fingers touching the warm strip of exposed skin just above the waistband of Die’s jeans. The younger man was lying on his back, his right arm slung possessively over Kaoru’s shoulder, long fingers resting on the small of his back, underneath the shirt, gently pressing into the skin. The leader knew then that he should move away, back off, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Too warm, too comfortable his position. Too severe the need for closeness and some semblance of affection; so strong it coiled around his very soul, leaving him almost choking on air. It felt good, being so close to Die’s warmth, alarmingly so, and Kaoru couldn’t help the guilt that rose up from his stomach.

The redhead made a sound and stirred, but did not open his eyes. Instead, he turned halfway towards Kaoru, and draped his left arm around the smaller body as well, pulling him closer. The leader’s heart stopped for a moment, only to then start pounding rapidly against his ribcage.

Surrendering to his not altogether unwelcome fate and sighing, Kaoru closed his eyes again and moved another little bit closer, pushing his jeans-clad knee between the taller man’s willingly parting legs to get more comfortable.

“Fair warning,” Die’s voice arose suddenly, still rough from sleep, making the leader blink at him confusedly, “if you get me horny, you’re dealing with it.” He opened one eye to look at Kaoru blearily, a lazy grin forming on his plush lips.

The older guitarist’s look of shock must have been priceless, for Die immediately started to chuckle, closed his eye again and squeezed Kaoru against himself so that the blond’s nose and lips were effectively pressing against the redhead’s collarbone. The rhythm guitarist smelled like honey and warmth and something very distinctly Die, Kaoru noted, deeply inhaling and savouring the scent. He suppressed the urge to purr as one of the redhead’s nimble-fingered hands moved to the nape of his neck and started toying with his blond hair, slowly caressing his scalp. Once more Kaoru felt sleep gently pulling at the edge of his consciousness. His eyelids grew heavy and soon enough, he drifted back into a peaceful slumber. The last thing he felt was a soft, warm pair of lips on his forehead before becoming utterly, blissfully unaware of his surroundings.

~

The next time he woke up, Kaoru was alone and it was dark except for a small strip of light falling into the room from the door that had been left slightly ajar. Die’s side of the bed was still warm, so he couldn’t have been gone for long. Blinking, the leader sat up and looked around, not seeing much. His eyes burned a little and he realised with a groan that maybe he should have taken out his contact lenses before taking a nap. But then again, he hadn’t even cared to take off his clothes either, and now they were slightly damp and he felt overheated. He should probably take a shower.

He yawned, stretched and tossed the covers back, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress and moving to stand. He stretched again while walking towards the exit and pulled the door open, coming face to face with Die’s youngest sister, Sueko.

Her hand was still raised, presumably because she had been about to knock on the wood, and she gave him a surprised look. Then, she smiled. “Hey there, Sleeping Beauty, I was about to wake you up for dinner. It’s almost eight, and dad and Takashi are finally home.”

Kaoru blinked at her, then nodded, and gave her the best smile he could manage while suppressing a yawn. “I’ll be right down,” he said and didn’t recognise his own voice for a moment, still raw from sleep. He felt parched.

She gave him another sweet smile and without any more words turned around to walk down the stairs, her blond ponytail swaying and bouncing with the movement of her hips. There were a few red streaks weaving through her hair, her brother’s influence no doubt. Kaoru couldn’t suppress a grin.

The guitarist stared at her retreating form until she was entirely out of sight before stepping out of Die’s room and into the corridor. He crossed the short distance to the bathroom on the opposite side of the hall and went inside. He left the door open so he didn’t have to turn on the light and stepped to the sink. Turning on the faucet he splashed his face with some cold water. Then, he gathered some in his palms, slurped it into his mouth, gargled, and turned the water off. There. Much better.

Feeling refreshed, he dried his face with the sleeves of his sweater and left the tiled room to follow Sueko downstairs.

When he reached the living room, Kaoru was greeted warmly by Die, his father Suguru, and his younger (and only) brother, Takashi. The latter pushed a bottle of beer into his hands and gestured for him to take a seat on the couch. They were watching a baseball game, talking quietly.

Kaoru flopped himself down next to Die and felt the other guitarist shift closer to him almost instantly, pressing lightly into his side. It made Kaoru’s heart flutter excitedly in his chest. He gave him a sideways glance and was met with the redhead’s trademark smile. “Sleep well?” the soft tenor came to caress Kaoru’s ears, making gooseflesh rise on his arms and neck. Taking a swig from the beer, the older nodded and offered a small smile of his own.

The next half or so hour of the evening went by rather eventlessly. The women finished preparing the food and set the table, their meal was accompanied by anecdotes and banter and laughter and when they were done, Kaoru and Die helped Hanae and Fumiko with cleaning up while the rest of the family gathered once again in the living room.

While washing the dishes, Kaoru listened attentively to the conversation Die and his mother held. She was a very kind woman, showering her ‘beautiful boy,’ as she called him multiple times throughout their talk, with praise; for his looks, his demeanour, and whatnot. Then, she turned her attention to Kaoru and gave him the same treatment; told him how handsome he was with his short blond strands, that the new colour looked very good on him but that she sort of missed the purple he had worn with the long black braids when she had first met him. She continued with how polite and considerate she thought he was, and how much he was like a son to her, how well he fit into their family. He didn’t know why she would say these things, having only met him for the second time, but he didn’t dwell on it. Instead, he decided to accept the statements as fact and enjoyed the feeling of his heart fluttering happily in his chest.

While the guitarist kept on thanking her for her kind and welcoming words, he could feel his ears and cheeks turn hot. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly, giving him a warm smile that was so much like her son’s, beautiful and infectious, that he couldn’t have stopped himself from returning it even if he had wanted to.

Kaoru could feel Die watching them and when he turned towards the redhead, sure enough, there was that same warm smile on his lips and a cheerful glint in his cinnamon eyes.

Then, Hanae said something that almost made Kaoru choke on air. “You’re such a precious young man. I can see what Daisuke sees in you and why he so values your companionship. And he most certainly is repaying you in kind for your affection, isn’t he?” She gave her son a somewhat sharp look, but in a loving way; that sort of warning and at the same time probing gaze that only mothers had the privilege (and ability) of using. And Die almost dropped the plate he was toweling.

“Mother!” he exclaimed, flustered, the somewhat lewd subtext most certainly not lost on him, but also quite obviously not something he had expected from her. Silence stretched between them, neither young man sure of what to say. Kaoru wanted to explain that they weren’t a couple, but the words wouldn’t come, so he gave up on the idea to even try. Had he bothered to think on why Die didn’t say something along those lines, or at least looked up at his friend, he might have been able to connect the dots. But he didn’t and thus, remained unaware of the partly longing, partly puzzled look the redhead regarded him with.

Hanae simply blinked and smiled encouragingly at her son, then at, well, her almost son, who felt equally out of his depth as the younger one, and suddenly laughed out loud. The two men joined in after a moment and with that all of the previous tension simply evaporated.

When they had put the last of the plates and cutlery away, they moved to the living room to join the rest of Die’s family in watching television. Kaoru sat down on the floor in front of one of the couches, seeing as all cushioned surfaces were already taken, and Die settled in next to him. Well, actually, the redhead lay down next to the leader, putting his head in the older man’s lap for comfort. Automatically, Kaoru’s hand found its way into short, silky strands of red and black, gently stroking and massaging the skin that was hidden underneath. Almost inaudibly, Die purred at the contact and smiled.

Hikari giggled at them, earning her an elbow to the side from her mother and a warning glare from Fumiko.

“Hey, Natsu?” Die addressed his only older sibling then, and she made a noise indicating she had heard him. “Where’s Chi?”

The woman groaned. “Visiting my dreaded in-laws with her father,” she said then, and huffed out a sigh, “I didn’t want to go with. They’re coming here tomorrow, though. The husband and daughter, not the rest of the rabble, mind you.”

Kaoru blinked at Natsuko. He hadn’t expected her to talk so rudely about her husband’s parents. She caught his gaze and smiled somewhat ruefully. “Please excuse my French, but the old crow keeps claiming this will be her last Christmas, has done so for the past seven years, only to get me to bend over backwards to her every whim. And frankly, I’ve grown sick of it. But I won’t deny her the pleasure of entertaining her five-year-old granddaughter and showering her with gifts. Just because I don’t get along with the woman doesn’t mean my daughter shouldn’t be spoiled by her granny, right? Right.”

The guitarist smiled at that and thought it was quite cute how the older woman confirmed her own words to herself, as if reassuring herself that it was okay to have said what she did. It was something Die did as well. The redhead looked at him, also smiling. “You remember Chizue, right? She’s grown so much since you last saw her, and she’s such a joy to have around the house.” It was clear from the tone of the younger man’s voice that he loved the little girl to bits.

The leader nodded in affirmation. He remembered her. The then four-year-old had continuously waddled after him wherever he went and he had very much enjoyed playing with her and Die until she was so tired she fell asleep in her uncle’s lap while her parents were, well, getting wasted. It had been a party after all. Then, Die had taken her into his arms, lovingly kissed her forehead, and carried her upstairs. Temporarily Kaoru wondered if his fellow guitarist would ever want children of his own, and then thought the redhead would make a wonderful father. The idea made him smile, albeit a bit sadly. If Die ever had children, that would put him entirely out of Kaoru’s reach.

“Say, Dai?” Hikari’s voice sounded from the other side of the room and the redhead strained his neck to look at her expectantly. “Can I borrow your boyfriend for a sec?”

Die rolled his eyes and there was a certain edge to his voice as he answered. “Still not my boyfriend, and how about you ask him yourself, he’s right here. Manners, young lady.”

The exchange earned them chuckles all around the room and Hikari crossed her arms in front of her chest, slightly pouting. She looked just like her brother then. Kaoru grinned at her, but then nudged Die to remove his head from the leader’s lap and moved to get up. “What do you need, kiddo?”

The girl’s eyes sparkled and she positively jumped off the couch, grabbed for the blond haired man’s wrist and dragged him to the back door and out onto the patio. It was windy and cold, and neither of them wore a jacket, but she didn’t seem to mind for the time being.

They just stood there for a long moment, Hikari looking a little lost and Kaoru simply waiting for her to come out with whatever it was she wanted. When another couple of minutes passed without her saying anything, he excused himself for a second, rushed inside, grabbed his jacket and Die’s (because he didn’t know which of the ones on the coat rack belonged to her, though it probably wouldn’t have mattered) and returned to the veranda.

Hikari smiled gratefully at him as he handed her brother’s favourite jacket over. She wasted no time in putting it on and stuffing her hands in the pockets, shivering slightly.

“So?” Kaoru asked after another little while and watched her chew on her lower lip, not responding. He sighed and dug his pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, fishing out one for himself and then offering the cardboard box to her. Maybe it would work in the same calming manner for her as it did for him. With shaky fingers she picked out a fag and then accepted the lighter from Kaoru, taking two small, greedy drags. Just like her brother so often did, the guitarist noted and once again smiled to himself. The girls were so much like Die, it was almost uncanny. But then, he was the second oldest child and thus most likely a sort of role model for his siblings. The only one who seemed to not have too many things in common with the redhead was Fumiko. She was polite and very quiet, but when she decided to speak it usually was something clever, or a warning.

Kaoru shook himself from his thoughts and took a long drag from his cigarette, his eyes resting on Hikari, who took another two shaky intakes of nicotine. Then, after she exhaled the smoke, she finally looked him straight in the eye and started to speak. “Forgive my bluntness, Kaoru, but… why are you here?” Her voice betrayed no emotion, the only thing clear from the way she talked was how hard she tried to suppress the clattering of her teeth as the wind picked up.

The blond haired man paused for a second, then blinked confusedly at her. “Because your brother invited me,” he replied simply and offered a lopsided shrug.

She rolled her eyes at him, clearly not having gotten the answer she’d been looking for. “Well, duh,” she exclaimed, “but haven’t you got your own family to spend Christmas with? Why are you spending it with us instead?”

Kaoru frowned at her, taken aback. Did she not want him here or what was this all about? “I was under the impression I kind of belonged to this family already, even if I don’t quite understand why. But your mother said so, you know.” His voice was low, and there were clear hints of hurt and agitation in it that he hadn’t been able to suppress.

She gasped, realisation flitting over her features. “Oh God, I didn’t mean to make you feel unwelcome. Of course you’re part of the family, we all like you! But… see, what I want to know is, why would you rather spend the holy holiday of love and altruism with your friend than with your parents or, I dunno, a lover?” Her teeth finally started to clatter as she shivered and she hugged herself while tapping the ashes from her cigarette.

Kaoru chuckled. “I thought Die was my boyfriend?” He took a drag from his own cig and raised an eyebrow at her.

Hikari looked at him then, eyes wide. “Well, is he?” She sounded excited, her hands coming together in front of her face in a prayer like gesture, the cold all but forgotten.

The guitarist shook his head then. “Nah, we’re just friends,” he replied, and after a pause, he added, “Best friends.”

The girl sighed deeply, dropped her hands and lowered her gaze to the fag dangling precariously between her fingers. “Should have known…” she whispered, taking another drag from the cancer stick and Kaoru arched his eyebrows at her.

“Right, I’ve been meaning to ask… why do you and Sueko keep saying things like that?” The tone of his voice was gentle, no accusation lay in it, just a hint of confusion.

Her eyes snapped back up to his. “Of course. You really have no idea, do you? Why we keep teasing Dai?” When Kaoru shook his head no, she huffed out a tiny laugh. “Men,” she mumbled, “freakin’ featherbrained dunderheads, the lot of you. This sort of stupidity is why I’ve turned from bi to gay, seriously.”

Kaoru gaped at her, almost dropping his cigarette. “Excuse me?” He choked out, caught between amused and offended.

She looked at him sternly and stabbed the pointer of her free hand into his chest repeatedly. “He,” poke, “likes,” another poke, “you!” Yet another poke. And one more for good measure.

The older’s eyes drifted back and forth between her finger and her face. “Well, I like him, too,” he remarked simply, not quite getting her point and feeling himself growing slightly annoyed.

She groaned exasperatedly and threw her hands in the air. “Goddamnit!” she all but shouted at his chest, making the guitarist flinch. Then, with an expression on her face that was half apologetic and half annoyed, she continued in a low voice, “I probably shouldn’t say anything, but… here goes.” She took a deep breath of nicotine, closed her eyes for a moment and then continued. “He wants to be with you, Kaoru. Okay? Okay. He’s been in love with you for as long as he knows you and it eats him alive. Pretending that there’s nothing there. Being the best friend. And he’s so scared of being rejected, or that you would hate him, that he can’t bring himself so say something. That’s why I’m saying it now. I have to, because he just can’t do it. He loves you. Dear God, I know it’s not my place to ask something like this of you, but please, please don’t break his heart.” Her voice had become shaky and breathless as she pushed the words out, as if making sure she said them before she could think twice about it, even though she clearly had, extensively.

Kaoru just stood there, stunned. His mind was reeling, his heart pounding in his throat. He watched, silently, as Die’s twenty-two-year-old little sister stared at him, an expression of shock on her face, her free hand in front of her mouth, as if not believing she actually said all that. She seemed caught somewhere between regret and anticipation. Then, her face taking on a sort of determined quality, she dropped her hand and openly waited for a reaction. And finally, after no words (or anything, really) came forth from the guitarist, the girl began to sob, tears falling from her eyes. She dropped the remains of the cigarette from her shaking fingers and buried her face in her hands. A heart-wrenching cry of regret tore through the night. “Oh God, what have I done, I’m so sorry,” she whimpered, and then proceeded to repeat the same four words over and over, “Please don’t hate him.”

Then Kaoru finally came back to himself. He felt his arms reach out for the girl, circle around her and pull her into his chest. His fingers ran down her back and through her bleached hair and he heard himself whispering soothing words into her ear until her sobbing subsided.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered and cast him a glance filled with too many emotions for Kaoru to be able to read them all. “Sorry for… yelling at you… insulting you and…” She trailed off with a wave of her hand.

He shook his head and grinned at her lopsidedly. “You don’t have to apologise. I’m really quite the featherbrained dunderhead.”

They both chuckled, though hers was a little rueful. Then, Kaoru took a deep breath and made her tilt her head up by putting a finger under her chin. He looked her straight in the eyes, a smile on his lips designed to convey reassurance. A warm feeling had spread through his whole body from his heart after the realisation settled in what her words actually meant and now he couldn’t even feel the cold any longer. In a soft voice he said, “Thank you for telling me, sis. I needed to hear this. And don’t worry, I won’t. Break his heart, that is. I promise.”

Her face lit up instantly as the words sunk in, and a new set of tears fell from the corners of her eyes. But this time, they were happy droplets. Hikari all but threw herself into Kaoru’s arms and he embraced her as tightly as he could, pressed a kiss to the crown of her blond head and smiled, resting his chin where his lips had been only a second ago.

“You smell good,” she mumbled into his jacket after a while and he chuckled in response.

“And you smell like bleach and your brother,” he replied, making her laugh into his chest and swat at his upper arm. Then, she pulled back from their embrace and smiled warmly up at him.

“You just called me sis,” Hikari said, her voice still a little shaky, but sounding happy.

Kaoru offered a soft smile. “Better get used to it... sis,” he answered and winked at her, causing the girl to giggle endearingly.

They shared another cigarette before returning inside. Die gave them a questioning look when they came back into the living room, all smiles and giggles. He arched his eyebrows at his sister’s reddened eyes, but said nothing. Neither did the two returnees.

It was nine forty-eight in the evening. Kaoru gave himself until bedtime, whenever that may be for Die and him, to carefully weigh his words, map out exactly what he wanted to say to his best friend.

~

It was getting late. Kaoru glanced at the clock in the corner. Eleven seventeen in the night. Almost Christmas. The living room had cleared out considerably over the past one and a half hour, Natsuko and Hanae being the first to retreat for the night. Sueko had fallen asleep on Takashi’s shoulder twenty minutes ago and thus, Die’s younger brother had finished his beer and made sure she got to bed. Just a few minutes after that, Fumiko and Hikari had called it a night, too, though neither of them looked tired. Hikari grinned at Kaoru and squeezed his shoulder lightly in passing.

The two guitarists had relocated to a couch then. Die’s eyes were currently closed, his legs drawn up and resting on the cushions to his right. He was pressed into Kaoru, his head leaning against the older man’s shoulder. The red and black hair tickled the leader’s neck.

Suguru sighed and slapped his hands on his thighs, making the two younger men on the sofa flinch, but Die’s eyes remained closed and he kept his position. Stretching, the father of six got up, and the joints in his back popped audibly as he looked at his son and took in the way he was, for lack of a better term, snuggled up to his blond friend. He smiled fondly at them and Kaoru felt himself blush. “Well, I’m going to bed. You boys don’t stay up too long, either. Breakfast is at ten. And the first of our relatives will start filing in even before that. Also, decorations. I think you’re up for the tree this year.”

Die hummed and waved his hand without opening his eyes. He even pressed himself a little closer to Kaoru. His father laughed quietly, addressing the older of the young men, “Careful, if you let him stay like this you’ll have to carry him to bed later.”

The redhead slowly opened his eyes and moved away from his friend. Kaoru suddenly felt cold at the loss of contact. “And wouldn’t that be a sight,” Die bit out, voice dripping with sarcasm.

His father shrugged. “I’m quite certain he would do even that for you, boy.” Unseen by his fellow guitarist, Kaoru nodded slightly to himself. Suguru saw, though, and smiled again; Kaoru could feel heat rise in his cheeks once more. Then, the oldest of the three men turned towards the exit, passing by the couch and gently patting the red streaks of hair on his son’s head.

Die frowned and turned a little to stare after his father’s retreating form. “Now, what is that supposed to mean?” His tenor was laced with confusion and a hint of anger, but mostly he just sounded tired.

“Good night,” quietly spoken, was all the answer he got.

The younger guitarist huffed out a breath and cast Kaoru a glance that didn’t say much and yet told him everything -- I’m tired, I’m confused, I’m a bit needy, I’m in love with you, I’m scared you’ll hate me if I ever tell you about it. It was almost funny how now that Kaoru knew he could see all of that. What a terrible friend had he been before? But then, he had mostly been focused on self-preservation; the same fears he could read in Die’s eyes now had plagued the older for years as well. Until Hikari made them disappear with just a few desperate words.

Kaoru had been quiet almost all evening, ever since he returned from the talk with Die’s little sister; and he knew it was unsettling his friend somewhat. But he had needed to be calm, had needed to think -- which was a hard enough task in and of itself with the redhead’s warm body pressed into him on the floor, and later, even closer on the couch. It had taken all his willpower not to kiss him in front of his whole family, though he supposed it wouldn’t have been the worst thing to do, seeing as they all seemed quite fine with the idea of the two of them dating, even encouraging it. But even so, he couldn’t just do that, it would be awkward and confusing and they wouldn’t be able to actually talk about it with everyone else in the same room. So he had been quietly wondering how to approach this delicate subject, sitting perfectly still and looking calm and collected when really, he wanted to pull at his hair or bang his head against a wall until he passed out. The leader didn’t like talking about feelings, he wasn’t good with words. Maybe he should ask Kyo for help. The singer was good with words. The best, really...

“Kao? Are you okay?” The words, and most notably the way in which they were uttered, ripped him from his thoughts. There was a certain apprehensiveness in the tone of Die’s voice and the redhead knit his brows together, staring intently at his friend’s profile as the older glanced at him sideways. “You’ve been quiet.”

The addressed took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his suddenly pounding heart and nodded. Then he finally turned his head to properly look at the other and smiled. Indicating with his hand the considerable amount of space between them, he opened his mouth, asking, “Why did you move away?”

Die blinked back at him confusedly, then looked at the couch, his hand, and back to Kaoru’s face. He made a curious little sound in the back of his throat. “Uh, because… they keep teasing about how close we are and, while I’m used to it by now, I don’t want to embarrass you. At least, not any more than I already have… And with my dad saying what he did...”

Kaoru chuckled, warmth flooding every pore of his being at the absolute cuteness that was the redhead playing shy. “Well, there’s no one around to see now.” He let his hand rest on the back of the sofa, waiting if his silent invitation would be taken.

Die tilted his head to the side and blinked again, but otherwise didn’t move. His brows furrowed in thought into an almost adorable frown. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” he finally queried, voice barely above a whisper.

Kaoru arched an eyebrow in response, his gaze flickering to the empty space right next to him, and back up again to the redhead’s face. Still nothing. Apparently he had to spell it out for the other. With an exasperated sigh, the leader finally extended his hand towards the younger guitarist. “Jesus, Die, just come here already.”

He could see the bob of Die’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed and then slowly crawled towards the leader, settling himself close, but still leaving some modest amount of space. He seemed uncharacteristically tense all of the sudden. Kaoru sighed softly and finally, boldy put his arm around the other man’s shoulder, pulling him against himself. It made the redhead yelp in surprise, and he went stiff as a board as he found his face in the crook of the older man’s neck.

“What’s up? We’re close like this all the time,” the leader stated, surprisingly calm, seeing as his heart decided to leap up into his throat and continue beating there. His fingers played with the ends of Die’s hair, trying to gently twine them around his finger, but failing due to their recent lack of length. So he settled for brushing through them affectionately, sometimes pulling softly.

The taller man gave a hum and put long fingers on his friend’s chest to push himself off into a sitting position and look him in the eyes. “Yes, but… that’s usually coming from me. I don’t think you’ve ever asked me to…” He trailed off, his cinnamon eyes glinting in wonder.

Kaoru chuckled lowly, fighting the blush that threatened to creep up his neck. “Yes, well. Maybe I should have.”

Once again, Die tilted his head to the side, so many questions in his eyes that remained unvoiced. But they didn’t need to be spoken to be heard and understood. Have you wanted to ask me for cuddles before? What does this mean? Do you like me? Because I like you. Do you want to be with me? Because I want to be with you.

Before he continued, the older smiled reassuringly, a gesture meant as much for Die as it was for himself; he could see some of the tension falling off his friend and felt himself relax a little more as well. “Maybe I should have done a lot of things… sooner.”

The younger was idly twirling a strand of not quite chin-length red hair between his fingers, the movement made awkward due to the still unusual shortness of his hair. It was a clear sign that he was nervous and didn’t know what to expect. Die opened his mouth to speak. “What things?” His voice cracked slightly.

Kaoru paused for a moment, reminding himself that this was exactly where he wanted this to go and that there was nothing to be afraid of. This was Die, his best friend, the man he had been secretly in love with for almost as long as he knew him and who, according to a reliable source, felt the same way towards him. “Things like this,” the leader all but whispered and, gathering every last bit of courage he could, leaned over to gently press his lips to his friend’s soft ones.

A gasp escaped Die and he pulled back almost immediately, looking shocked. His hand came up to touch where they had been joined just a mere second ago. “Kao, what--? You don’t-- I mean, you just... you kissed me,” he stuttered against his fingers.

“I did,” the older confirmed, his rich baritone steady, reassuring both Die and himself that yes, he had just kissed him and yes, he had done it on purpose. Despite his calm appearance, he had to struggle not to avert his gaze or get up and run. The redhead’s reaction hadn’t quite been what he had hoped it would be.

Die swallowed visibly, gasping again. “But why?” There was a hitch in his breath, so much confusion in his voice, and a wariness glaringly obvious in those cinnamon eyes. So many years of trying to suppress his feelings, of being scared and haunted by them, that Kaoru didn’t need to read his friend’s eyes to know he was wondering if this was actually happening, and if it was, what it really meant.

Moving closer, taking heart in the fact that the other didn’t actively try to get away, Kaoru took Die’s hand and pulled it away from his lips, his thumb gently drawing slow circles on the back of it, running over the knuckles and down a pointer, then back up again. The younger let him and one could clearly see the nerves calming, could hear the breath coming more even. “Because I wanted to do it for years.” The admission was quiet, but carried a distinct vigour, emphasising the severity of his words, leaving no doubt about their validity.

“What kept you from it?” Die’s usually soft tenor was shaking, barely more than a broken whisper, and he stared back at his friend as if he couldn’t believe this wasn’t a dream, as if he feared one wrong move would shatter the illusion and leave him alone and heartbroken.

Kaoru took a deep breath and huffed gently. “Never thought I could have you,” he replied truthfully, his thumb still drawing circles on white, slightly clammy skin, “So I resigned myself to admire from afar.”

The younger man’s breath hitched again. He swallowed audibly, then bit his bottom lip, worrying his teeth over the soft flesh for a moment. Then, “What changed your mind?”

The leader gave a tiny chuckle as he briefly remembered back to a couple of hours ago. “Not what. Who.”

The redhead’s eyes widened slightly and he shook his head weakly. “Kari? She wouldn’t…”

“Oh, but she did. Confessed to me in your stead. Then started crying out of guilt for not keeping her mouth shut. And single-handedly made me the happiest man alive.” A nod and a smile accompanied his softly spoken words. He felt brave as he said that and met Die’s gaze. “That is, if you’ll have me.”

Yet another gasp pulled free from the redhead’s throat, but this time, he didn’t hesitate when he positively launched himself at the other, straddling Kaoru’s lap, long arms, still slightly trembling, reaching around the older man’s neck. Those cinnamon eyes fluttered closed as warm, heart shaped lips met the leader’s waiting pair and they lost themselves in a sweet dance that spoke of love and longing and desire, of memories both blissful and painful, of lost opportunities and almost forgotten fear. It was a blossoming hope, a thousand wishes fulfilled. It was a prelude and a promise.

~

They were still kissing when they walked up the stairs, long fingers pushing through blond hair, pulling every so often. Kaoru’s hands, short of a few trips over the small of Die’s back, mostly remained on the taller man’s hips to steady himself. It was hard ascending a flight of stairs with eyes closed, even more so backwards and heavily making out. Granted, they could have made this much easier on themselves, but neither of them was willing to part with the divine feeling the dance of their lips and tongues evoked in them just yet.

When Kaoru reached the top of the stairs he almost fell flat on his ass, feeling with his foot for the next step and catching nothing but air. Luckily, Die’s arms were slung tightly around his shoulders and his own fingers dug into the redhead’s waist almost harshly. They chuckled against each other’s lips and finally broke their kiss, simply touching their foreheads together, losing themselves in one another’s eyes and smiling happily.

“This must be a dream,” the redhead whispered after a while, preserving the serenity that had settled over them.

A soft kiss to the corner of his mouth was Kaoru’s response. Then, “I know, right? It feels so surreal… like a miracle, or something.”

Die chuckled softly at that. “Or something,” he confirmed and touched his lips to Kaoru’s again, his eyelids fluttering shut at the contact. The hands in the leader’s hair tightened momentarily as Die pressed himself closer, making Kaoru hum into their kiss, before letting go.

Inhaling deeply, the redhead chanced another look into the other’s eyes. “Bed?” he asked, almost shyly, a soft shade of pink tinting his cheeks.

Kaoru swallowed hard against the sudden surge of lust slamming through him. He nodded once, took Die’s hands in his smaller ones and pulled him along to Die’s childhood bedroom, their gazes never leaving each other’s faces.

~

Kaoru woke up to an incessant knocking on the door. Feeling disoriented and too warm, he blinked against the sunlight breaking into the room through the window and turned his head to the right. A smile instantly tugged at his lips at the sight of Die’s calm, sleep-softened face.

The redhead was sleeping on his stomach, left arm and leg draped over Kaoru, face turned up. His lips were slightly parted and hot breath ghosted over the leader’s skin as he leaned in to press a soft kiss to the corner of that inviting mouth.

Die stirred and immediately tilted his head slightly, hummed against the warm mouth that was now fully on his, kissing back. “Morning,” he mumbled when they parted, blinking blearily at Kaoru.

The leader opened his mouth to answer, but another knock on the door interrupted him. “If you lovebirds don’t get out of bed soon you’re going to miss breakfast. And decorating the tree. The tree, Dai!” Hikari, shouting through the door. Very mature. But then, better that than her barging into the room unbidden, spying the two guitarists in all their naked glory. Which was probably the reason she wasn’t standing next to their bed right now. Kaoru had an inkling that she didn’t like the concept of boundaries and personal space too much. And also, who might be responsible for that. He glanced at the man draped over him.

Die made a face and pushed himself up, kneeling over Kaoru’s lap. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming!” he yelled back, stretching as he did so.

“Woah, I so did not need to know that. Too much information, brother dear,” her voice rang through the wood again and then she giggled.

Die rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Get lost! And don’t you dare touch that tree without me!”

A laugh could be heard, then the teasing voice of his sister inappropriately telling him that she couldn’t promise anything if he didn’t get off of Kaoru soon. After that, retreating footsteps and, eventually, silence.

“I don’t want to get off you,” Die said, looking at the other man, almost pouting. It was adorable, really.

Kaoru chuckled and pulled him down for a quick kiss. “But the tree, Die!” he said against his fellow guitarist’s lingering lips, imitating Hikari to the best of his abilities, earning a grin, accompanied by a little snort.

“The tree is mine and Hikari’s to decorate this year. And yours, if you want,” the redhead said, smiling. With one last kiss, he peeled himself off of the leader and fished for his discarded clothing. Kaoru watched him pull on his underwear and then throw Kaoru’s own pair of boxers at him. He caught it, and pulled it over his legs awkwardly, while still lying on the mattress. His eyes never left the lithe body in front of him, taking in the way muscles moved under white skin.

When Die caught him staring, he chuckled. “Like what you see, babe?”

The blond blinked at the nickname and frowned. “I do and you know it. But could you not call me babe? I’m not a chick.” He seriously felt mocked by it and he couldn’t even explain why.

A delicate brow rose towards black roots, almost vanishing behind a short strand of red. “Then what else can I call you?”

“Uhm, how about Kaoru?” the older answered somewhat grumpily, earning a sigh.

“No nicknames, got it.” Die answered and resumed dressing. He went over to the other side of the bed, flicking off the still burning lamp on the bedside table and picked up Kaoru’s pullover that was hanging from it. “Hey, you slept with the lights on last night,” he mumbled more to himself than his partner, sounding surprised.

Kaoru smiled at the words, his temporary sulk all but forgotten. He was indeed surprised himself that apparently he hadn’t minded the light in the room -- usually, he needed pitch black darkness to be able to fall asleep. “I blame it on you and your very talented lips,” he grinned and, a moment later, caught his jumper with his face. At first he thought he’d managed to upset Die, but when he removed the shirt from his face he saw him grin, a faraway look on his face. Then, he shook his head lightly, a myriad of short red strands falling over his forehead and into his eyes.

“Get up, we need to shower,” was the last thing the redhead said while pulling up his jeans and leaving the room without a shirt on, door still open wide. Right, this was no time to dwell in last night’s events, no matter how good and perfect their encounter had been. With a sigh, Kaoru got up, dressed himself quickly, and followed his lover to the bathroom.

~

Dressed in fresh clothing, hair still wet, or in Die’s case, slightly damp because his shorter hair dried much quicker than Kaoru’s, they walked down the stairs holding hands. When they reached the lower level, however, Die reluctantly withdrew his hand from Kaoru’s grasp, an apologetic look in his eyes. The leader simply answered the gaze with a smile and nodded to show it was no problem. He didn’t particularly mind if the Andō clan found out that they were in a relationship, they seemed to be expecting something along those lines anyway, but this was still new territory for the both of them. Nobody needed to be in on it until they were ready to share.

Though some part of Kaoru wanted to shout his happiness out into the world, the other, larger part wanted to privately experience the butterflies he got whenever Die looked at or touched him, for now at least, and surely so did his boyfriend. He paused in his thoughts for a moment. Boyfriend. What a weird word. They weren’t teenagers anymore. There were no boys here, no matter how young they still looked. But it felt good thinking of Die as his boyfriend, anyway. He smiled to himself.

Entering the huge kitchen, they were greeted by smiling faces and the smell of baked goods and fresh coffee. Hanae pushed a mug of black coffee into Kaoru’s hands when she turned from the counter and greeted him warmly. She motioned him to take a seat and turned back around to prepare two more servings of eggs on rice. “Bacon?” she asked and when Kaoru didn’t react because he was so lost in his own mind that he didn’t realise she was talking to him, Die nudged him in the side with his elbow, but answered in his stead anyway. Of course he’d have some bacon, thank you, mom.

Smiling to the room at large, the woman placed a bowl in front of either of the young men and took a seat next to her husband. Without even thinking, Kaoru uttered a soft “Thanks, mom,” and, realising what he just said, blushed fiercely. Nobody seemed to think it was weird, though, since there wasn’t much of a reaction from anyone, except Die, who gently squeezed his thigh underneath the table, and Hanae, who smiled even wider, patting Suguru’s shoulder gently and then leaning in to kiss her husband on the cheek as he smiled back at her. They exchanged a meaningful glance.

Kaoru, picking up his chopsticks and digging into the home cooked meal, felt a deep sense of belonging settle over him, blissful and warm.

~

They were standing on the patio with Takashi, Hikari and Suguru, smoking and chatting idly, when it started to snow. The look of utter amazement on both Die’s and Kari’s faces made Kaoru’s heart melt and he smiled at them softly.

“Snow,” the redhead whispered softly, staring at the sky, smiling brilliantly. He turned and faced his fellow guitarist, and with a happy glint in his cinnamon irises, simply leaned in to kiss him softly. Without even thinking, the blond kissed back, his eyes closing on their own. He lost himself in the feeling of those divine lips on his, the cigarette all but forgotten.

The little sister’s squeal broke them apart. Die looked caught, a blush on his cheeks that had nothing to do with the cold. He turned to look sheepishly at his sister, who simply stared at them, open-mouthed and wide-eyed. She squealed again.

Suguru chuckled to himself. “So, when did this happen?” he asked casually, tapping ashes from his fag. He glanced at them, then at the sky, smiling softly.

Die ducked his head. “Last night,” he whispered then, and reached behind to grab for Kaoru’s hand. Almost burned himself on the cigarette between the other man’s fingers, too, had the leader not reacted quickly enough. “Thanks, by the way, Kari,” he added, his tenor soft and warm, while lacing his fingers with the leader’s.

She blinked at him innocently. “Me? I had nothing to do with that, nu-uh,” she grinned and turned her face back up to the sky, taking two quick drags from her cigarette.

Die huffed amusedly and slung an arm around her shoulders, dragging her into an awkward sideways embrace. “U-huh. Sure. Love you, too, sis.” He pecked her cheek and she shuffled closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and squeezing, a grin on her face that mirrored her brother’s. They let go and Die turned back to Kaoru, kissing him again quickly before plunging the fag back between is soft lips.

Takashi, who had watched them silently until now, raised his voice and one could hear the smile on his face without even looking at him. “A true Christmas miracle. My brother’s finally getting laid.” He chuckled and the redhead snorted, rolled his eyes and moved to him, only to punch him in the arm.

Kaoru couldn’t wipe the stupid grin from his face. When Die came back over to stand next to him, he put his arm around the taller man’s waist and pulled him close. They were standing hip to hip, looking out over the garden that was slowly getting covered in a thin layer of white, absently smoking their cigarettes and simply enjoying each other’s presence.

“I expect you to tell your mother,” Suguru said sternly but with the smile still in place while putting out his fag in one of the many ashtrays strewn across the veranda furniture. Without waiting on a reply, he turned to head back inside, there was decorating to be done, after all.

Slowly, Hikari and Takashi finished their cancer sticks as well, but while Takashi put his out in an ashtray like his father, Kari simply flung her cigarette bud to the floor. “I’m going inside,” she announced, “don’t take too long or I’ll do the tree without your help. I have a better eye for it anyway.”

Die smiled at the quip and nodded. “Be right there,” he answered and killed his cigarette, but then dug out his pack and lit another.

The siblings left them to their own devices and Die shuffled impossibly closer to Kaoru, sighing contentedly. They simply stood and watched the snow fall in silence for a while, enjoying one another’s company and the warmth of each other’s bodies.

“I love you,” Die whispered into the cold, his eyes never leaving the scenery.

Kaoru’s hold around his waist tightened and he leaned in to nuzzle his cheek and press a kiss to the chill-reddened skin. “I love you, too.”

Maybe it was a bit early to say it. But judging by the amount of time that they had spent being secretly in love with each other, admiring from afar, it really wasn’t. The older had itched to say it, and was glad his fellow guitarist was the first to finally utter the words. Sure, they didn’t need to actually say it to know it, but it felt good to be able to. It felt warm. It felt right. And that was all that mattered.

~

There wasn’t much time for them to spend side by side until the late afternoon after they returned inside. Everyone was bustling about, hanging mistletoes and festive garlands and tinsel and fairy lights on walls, over doors and furniture. There was even a potted mini-fir decorated with red and gold fairy lights and small Christmas baubles standing on the coffee table in the huge living room.

Die and Hikari were busy decorating the actual Christmas tree, a tall, very wide fir tree, with gold and white ornaments, glass stars and little wooden gingerbread men. They looked self-made, each one of them a little different and when Kaoru asked about it, the redhead confirmed that every family member had made their own in a family bonding event years and years back. Kari proudly showed him hers she had made when she was twelve and he smiled at it, praising her apparent feel for colours. She blushed at him and whispered that he should make one, too, for next year’s Christmas, making him blush in return and promise that he would.

Just then, Hanae called for him and Takashi from the kitchen, where she, Natsuko and Fumiko were preparing copious amounts of food, breaking the moment. Die and his sister went back to arguing over the perfect places to hang their ornaments, eventually starting to decorate each other with tinsel in a mock-fight over who got to place the star at the tip of the tree, while Kaoru went to help in the kitchen and later, when Hanae decided he was more in the way than useful, he assisted Sueko with hanging a myriad of mistletoes and fairy lights over every door on the ground floor.

At half three in the afternoon, the doorbell rang and the first relatives started to file in, eight of Die’s cousins, three aunts and an uncle, all from his father’s side of the family, who mock-scolded them for being so late, he had expected them by breakfast already.

About half an hour later, when they were mostly done with decorating the house, the redhead’s brother-in-law and his little daughter finally arrived. They had been expected and missed dearly by everyone, but especially Natsuko, who had taken to pacing restlessly after she had almost managed to put salt into a batch of cookie dough instead of sugar in her distractedness, and had been thrown out of the kitchen as a result. There had been a deep frown edged into her face as she wrung her hands and walked around and around the coffee table. Only when she heard her little girl’s voice, her expression lit up. She seemed like she wanted to bolt out of the room to greet them, but then just remained idly next to the sofa, something like guilt crossing her face.

Suguru grunted when little Chizue came running into the living room, launching herself at her grandpa. “Princess!” he exclaimed, a fond smile on his lips, as his hands patted the ponytailed raven head, “About time you showed up, I was afraid we’d have to send Santa away when he comes to deliver your presents.”

The little girl looked at him, shocked, her mouth hanging open. Her breath hitched. “No!” she squeaked and shook her head vigorously, the ponytails on either side of her head smacking her grandfather in the face with a soft sound. Kaoru watched and smiled at her reaction. What a cute little girl she was, wearing a red dress with wide sleeves, white fluff decorating every hem of the garment. Her father entered, greeting the room at large with a warm smile and a tray of hot sake, presumably pushed into his hands by Hanae.

“Merry Christmas,” he said happily, putting the tray down on the coffee table and moved to his wife, kissing her softly. Natsuko smiled at him, the guilty expression leaving her features, and nuzzled his neck. Then she went over to her father, who still had her little girl in his lap, and tapped her on the shoulder. Chizue squealed happily and hugged her mother, who wished her a merry Christmas and patted her hair, telling her how much she had missed her. There were tears in the corners of her eyes and one could clearly see that she regretted her decision to not visit her in-laws together with her husband and child, no matter how much she hated her mother-in-law’s attitude.

Try as he might, Kaoru couldn’t tear his gaze away from the little one, she was just too cute. He wondered if his fellow guitarist had been just as sweet when he was her age, just without the ponytails, and decided that yes, he most definitely must have been. That brilliant, sun-rivalling smile must run in the family. He would ask Hanae for stories and pictures of little Daisuke at some point. Knowing mothers, they always loved to embarrass their children, especially in front of their partners.

“She’s quite the attraction, huh?” Die uttered, sauntering over to his side, hips swaying, bits of tinsel still in his hair. He smiled, lacing his fingers with Kaoru’s, and watched his niece telling a story about how Santa had been at her other grandparent’s house early to drop off gifts for her, because he knew that Chizue wouldn’t be there on Christmas Day.

“Cute to the point that I’m afraid I’ll get cavities from just watching her,” Kaoru admitted with a chuckle, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. He looked at the redhead and surprised himself with the next words he spoke. “Do you want children?”

Die blinked, his head swivelling around to reveal a rather shocked expression. “I, uh… what, with you? Only if you’ll give birth to them,” he joked, grinning lopsidedly. The question had obviously taken him off guard and he attempted to avoid answering it with humour. Kaoru suddenly felt very self-conscious, ashamed even. He hated the fact that something inside of him felt like breaking. He hadn’t even ever wanted children before this, always thought that the rockstar life he led wouldn’t allow for something like that anyway.

Shaking his head, the leader let go of the taller man’s hand and instead waved both of his own in a please-forget-what-I-just-said gesture. “Nevermind, I don’t know where that came from, I--”

A soft mouth on his cut him off and his eyes closed of their own accord, his lips responding to the kiss automatically, moving slowly against the other pair. Die pulled back before they could lose themselves in the touch and locked gazes with him, his cinnamon irises sparkling with affection. “I never really thought about it before,” he admitted softly. A warm smile graced his full lips as he continued, “But, assuming we see the day our government decides to acknowledge the hundreds of thousands of gay people in this country, and that they, too, want to get married and have families of their own… yes. With you, yes.”

Kaoru’s breath hitched and he pulled Die into his arms, hugging him tightly. His hands were shaking and he didn’t know what to say. There were so many thoughts in his head that he couldn’t even begin to sort them. All he knew was that his heart pounded like mad in his chest, he felt warm, and overwhelmed, and the butterflies in his belly went positively ballistic. Die’s hands softly stroked up and down his back while he left a trail of little kisses along his neck and jawline, attempting to calm his boyfriend down.

An incessant tugging on the hem of his black button-down shirt broke the moment and made him loosen their embrace to look down at the source of the disturbance -- Chizue.

“Are you okay?” she asked, her high-pitched voice a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty.

Kaoru finally caught himself then. He gave her a warm smile and knelt down to be at eye level with her. “I am, thank you for asking.”

She smiled brilliantly and hugged him, her small hands pressing down hard on his cervical vertebrae. He hugged her back carefully, one hand between her small shoulders, one on the back of her head. “Good. Christmas is no time to be sad!” she exclaimed cheerfully. Then, squeezing once more, she pulled away and looked him in the eyes sternly, an adorable frown on her face. “I think I know you. What’s your name?”

Grinning, the blond answered softly, “I’m Kaoru, your uncle’s friend. We have met before, over a year ago.” He was surprised she actually seemed to remember him.

Her face lit up. “Ohhh,” she cooed, clapping her tiny hands together. “Do you know who I am?” the girl asked then, bobbing excitedly up and down on the balls of her feet, impatiently waiting for an answer.

Kaoru chuckled and nodded. “I do, Chizue, and I even asked Santa to bring you a present from me.” He winked and her eyes went wide.

“Really?” she asked, her mocha irises sparkling and her mouth hanging slightly open. After he nodded once more in confirmation, she fell into him again, hugging him close and squealing a string of thank yous into his ear.

Die watched their exchange with a warm smile on his lips and finally decided to chime in. “Chi, if you steal him from me, I’ll be very, very sad.” Despite his words, the redhead laughed as the little girl peeled herself off of his boyfriend and looked up at him with a shocked expression.

“I don’t steal!” she exclaimed and stomped her foot once for emphasis. Her arms crossed in front of her chest.

Die bent down to pick her up and nuzzle her cheek, grinning while her arms came up to circle around his neck. “Well, you best stop being so damn charming, then! I can already see him falling in love with you.”

She huffed, blew her cheeks out and picked a bit of tinsel from her uncle’s red and black hair. “Nu-uh, he can’t,” she breathed, shaking her head weakly, “I already have a boyfriend.”

Die made a surprised noise and looked at her with wide eyes. “That so?” When she nodded, he continued in the sweetest tone Kaoru had ever heard him use, “You’ll have to tell me all about him! What do you say we grab a hot chocolate together?”

Her brilliant smile was back and she nodded enthusiastically, her ponytails whipping up and down with the movement of her head. Grinning, Die started for the door, still carrying her, but stopped just inside the doorframe, looking up. “Uh-oh, mistletoe. You know what that means, right, princess?”

“You owe me a kiss!” she exclaimed happily, pointed a finger at Die’s chest, giggled and then smooched her uncle, making him laugh melodically. When she pulled back, he moved in to nuzzle her cheek once more and plant a tiny kiss on it, before he moved on to the kitchen, the little princess still in his arms.

Yes, Kaoru thought with a smile that was impossible to wipe away from his face as he followed them with his eyes until they were out of sight. Yes, Die would definitely make a wonderful dad one day. And maybe, if they were lucky enough, they both would be -- together. The thought made the butterflies in his stomach flutter excitedly. Warmth spread through him and he could barely feel the cold as he walked out of the back door to light himself a cigarette.

Faintly, he could hear Chizue’s excited voice from the kitchen, explaining how she had several boys in preschool admiring her, but that one foreign boy with green eyes and ginger hair and freckles all over his face had caught her attention. Die jokingly called her a heartbreaker and then asked her several questions about her boyfriend. Kaoru chuckled to himself and took a long drag from his Mild Seven.

The snowing hadn’t stopped, and he quietly enjoyed the serenity of the tiny crystals falling from the sky and coating the garden in a layer of pristine white.

This, Kaoru decided as the sun began to sink on the horizon, this was the most perfect Christmas he had ever experienced. And it hadn’t even really started yet. Further he mused, this family, now just as much his as it was Die’s, was the most wonderful, loving, and yes, a bit loud and sometimes a little nosey, but still perfect bunch of people he had ever had the good fortune to meet. Home. That’s what it was. Home and love and bliss.

Christmas couldn’t possibly get any better than this.