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Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto’s Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece
Summary: The afterlife is better than Kakashi could have EVER imagined. Not a death fic.
Author’s Note: Written for Earwen. Possible out-of characterness and no death or angst. Also unbeta’d
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published: 24 December 2008
Rating: NC-17
Kakashi was dead. Gone on to a better place. Now knew heaven. Seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Heard angels sing. Was with the gods—
“Kakashi.”
He was so dead; it was the only explanation that he could think of.
That, or he had hit his head after an extreme bout of chakra depletion. Or he had ingested his body weight in hallucinogens. Or Itachi had suddenly decided to put his Sharingan to a much better use. Or Tsunade had spiked the punch again. Or Gai had put him headfirst through the Hokage Tower walls again. Or Grass was trying a new genjutsu poison again.
“Kakashi.”
Hmmm…no, he was dead. And the afterlife was better than he could have ever hoped for.
Mmmm…
“Kakashi, you’re drooling again.”
Bah, who could care about a little thing like drool at a moment like this? There were much more important things to think about—like getting started on eternity with that.
Ohhhhh yeaaaahhh…
“Do you have another nose bleed?!”
Blood, schmud! He lunged.
He suddenly found himself tangled in a web of chakra string and felt indignation set in instantly. There shouldn’t be anything stopping him from reaching his goal in the afterlife! He was supposed to be able to spend the rest of eternity doing what—and who—he wanted!
Unless…
What if this wasn’t supposed to be a reward but a punishment? He had to spend the rest of eternity with THAT right out of reach…
What a horrible, awful, terrible way to spend the rest of eternity! Never allowed to touch…never allowed to taste…forced to only watch…
Well, watching wouldn’t be that bad, if only he got more than tapping feet and angry glares.
“You were late,” Kakashi was informed darkly.
“And what gave you the idea that you could just waltz in and do whatever you please, hmm?”
“Not to mention you’ve gotten blood all over the place, again.”
“It won’t be so bad if you occasionally actually cleaned up after yourself, but you never do.”
“And don’t you dare start spouting off some lame excuse that I’m—”
“—WE’RE—”
“Fine, we’re so hot that you can’t be bothered with little things like blood stains!”
Both Irukas glowered at him hotly and damn, if that wasn’t one of the hottest things that Kakashi had ever seen!
“He’s not listening to a word we’re saying, is he?” The Iruka on the left—Kakashi cheerfully dubbed that one as ‘Iruka Sexy-Butt’—said with a resigned air.
“Probably imagining us kissing or something,” the other Iruka— hence from this point would be known as ‘Iruka Pert-Ass’—muttered as he rolled his eyes.
“Well, with him looking at us like that, I don’t think we really have to worry about Genma-san any more.”
Genma? What the fuck did Genma have to do with anything? Why was that stupid moronic tobujou even being mentioned? Who wanted to talk about something as dumb as Genma when they had two—TWO!—Irukas standing in front of them?
There was a problem. There was too much talk of useless things and not enough sexing of any kind occurring.
If only Iruka Sexy-Butt would grope Iruka Pert-Ass a little or maybe grope him a little while the other one jerked off and watched…
“Are you even listening to us?”
“Do you have even the smallest idea of why we have you tied up there?”
Oh…so many different reasons! Which one to offer up first…? He finally picked a reasonably good one. “Because you don’t want me to interrupt the show you’re going to give me?” The hope was a little too obvious in his voice, but if it got him what he wanted, Kakashi didn’t mind sounding overly optimistic.
“I told you he wasn’t listening to us.” Iruka Pert-Ass grumbled. “I could see the lewd thoughts racing through that empty head of his!”
Hmm…seemed that it was the wrong answer…he tried again. “Because you wanted to experiment with a different kind of bondage?” He asked even more hopefully.
“Kakashi,” Iruka Sexy-Butt enunciated carefully, “what happened in the Mission Room this afternoon?”
The great Copy Ninja blinked. “I tried to give you a blow job.”
“No, after that.”
“I groped you.”
“AFTER that!”
“…I turned in my mission report?”
“What happened after you turned in your mission report?” Iruka Pert-Ass spoke very slowly.
“I left you a note about what we should do this evening!” He had some good ideas, too. Not as good as TWO Irukas, but they were good ideas, nevertheless. Maybe they could try them out on another day.
“Oh, for the love of—!” Iruka Pert-Ass began exasperatedly, but Iruka Sexy-Butt interrupted him.
“Do you remember a certain part of this afternoon where a certain orally-fixated, nameless tokubetsu jounin felt up your thigh?”
Kakashi frowned and thought very hard about the afternoon. “Did he do that before or after I accidentally knocked him into Naruto’s way?” Iruka had done THAT THING with his pen and Kakashi had gotten horribly distracted and walked into Genma, knocking the man into the orange loudmouth’s path.
“He doesn’t remember,” Iruka Pert-Ass sounded somewhere between amused and incredulous.
“That, or he didn’t notice.” The other Iruka slow stalked up to Kakashi and leaned in close. “He seems a little…one-track today.”
“He’s always that way.”
Kakashi probably started drooling again, but ignored that in favour of trying to kiss Iruka.
A strong hand stopped him. “Do you honestly think you’re going to get a kiss after all that?”
“…Yes?”
“And they call you a genius,” Iruka Pert-Ass grumbled, but Kakashi was sure there had been an undercurrent of affection there.
Iruka Sexy-Butt snagged the collar of his vest, effectively distracting him from just about everything else. “You know that I don’t like other people touching what’s mine.”
If all Kakashi’s blood wasn’t busy elsewhere, he was fairly sure that he’d be in trouble for bleeding over everything again. When Iruka got that possessive gleam in his eyes…
Yeah, Kakashi had died.
Being tied up didn’t matter any more, especially since Iruka Pert-Ass had pulled off his shirt and seemed interested in getting Iruka Sexy-Butt’s pants off.
He shoved his hitai-ate up as best he could in his current position. He couldn’t miss this! He wanted to remember for the rest of his days the sight of Iruka making out with the mirror imagine of himself. It would be hot enough to melt all the snow around him when he had to go back up to the Snow Country.
Much to his disappointment, the two Irukas stopped stripping each other when they got down to their underwear. He thought about complaining, but then they turned their attention on to him and he decided to see what they’d do next.
“I—we—don’t like seeing others touching what’s ours.” Iruka Pert-Ass informed him as they stalked over to him. “So when we see others thinking that they can get away with touching what’s ours, we get a little upset.”
“In the future, you had better be more aware of your surroundings so you know when someone is going to try to pull another stunt like that again and you can remove yourself from the situation.”
“And the fastest way to learned behaviour is positive reinforcement, don’t you agree?” A dependable hand slid over his vest seductively.
“Oh, most definitely.” Another hand petted his side.
Kakashi thanked whatever god thought that he deserved this. And then he thanked everyone that had made this moment possible, including Genma and the guy that had probably killed him.
In record time, his uniform had been cut away from his body and he was being attacked by two gorgeously hot mouths and four devouring hands. One of the Irukas—he didn’t get a good look to know which one it was—kissed him, hard and deep.
“You know who you belong to, don’t you?” The Iruka that was mouthing his hip bone breathed across his skin. “Only one person is allowed to do this to you.”
Kakashi pulled his back far enough to gasp out “two! Two are allowed to!”
Both Irukas stopped instantly. “What did you just say?” The one who had been kissing him said dangerously.
“Only…only two are allowed to do this!” Before he could get castrated—what a terrible way to spend eternity—he hastened to explain. “Iruka and Iruka’s clones.”
The two Irukas exchanged glances. “An acceptable amendment,” Iruka Pert-Ass decided before devouring Kakashi’s mouth again.
“Agreed.” Iruka Sexy-Butt leaned forwards and promptly sucked one of Kakashi’s balls.
Kakashi twisted one of his hands futilely. He wanted to touch all that skin and braid his fingers in that thick hair. He wanted. His want was almost tormenting him more than the two Irukas were.
“Mine,” Iruka Pert-Ass snarled and bit down on Kakashi’s lower lip. “No-one else is allowed to touch you.”
“No-one else gets taste you,” the other Iruka mouthed his way up to the base of Kakashi’s cock. “Only me—”
“Us.” The delectable mouth only pulled back far enough to hiss out the correction before it returned to consuming Kakashi.
Kakashi groaned deep in his throat as a hand smoothed its way across his chest. The groan grew and morphed as a hot mouth pressed up to that sensitive spot on his penis.
Iruka Pert-Ass’s mouth pulled away and teeth found the pale throat. Before Kakashi could fully voice his pleasure, Iruka Sexy-Butt’s finger began to circle his anus. Kakashi’s brain fractured a little bit more; Iruka didn’t often top, but he always very thorough when he did.
As a finger began to work its way inside, Iruka Sexy-Butt’s hand left Kakashi’s hip. Vaguely, the jounin wondered where it went, but since Iruka Pert-Ass bit a nipple at the same moment that the other Iruka deep-throated him, the matter was promptly forgotten.
Moments after the first finger worked its way inside of Kakashi, another finger started to worm itself next to the first one and multi-coloured eyes popped open. There were two first fingers—two left first fingers—inside him at this point.
“He can’t have all the fun!” The chunin nipping his chest said in lustful amusement at Kakashi’s surprised expression.
Kakashi had (gleefully) given up all hopes of ever escaping by the time the fourth finger was inside of him. If he was going to spend all eternity tied up, this was the way to do it.
At the same moment the fingers pulled out, Iruka Pert-Ass took his mouth back. Smirking at the whine, he slid behind Kakashi. “Remember…” he breathed into Kakashi’s ear, “you are mine.”
Then the blunt pressure forced his body to give way as Iruka Pert-Ass pressed in. “You…” he panted, “belong…to…me.”
Once inside, he did nothing and Iruka Sexy-Butt sat back, mouth maddingly far away. Kakashi’s whimpered and tired to shift his hips to simulate movement and to entice someone to do something.
Hands fell on his hip. “Patience.”
Iruka Sexy-Butt smirked as he slowly stood up. Then—before Kakashi could properly process what was happening—Iruka Sexy-Butt braced his hands on Kakashi’s shoulders and leapt up, curling his legs around the other two men.
Kakashi made a hideously embarrassing noise as Iruka Sexy-Butt slowly lowered himself onto Kakashi’s erection.
ShitdamnFUCK!
Kakashi would have died from blood loss at this point if he hadn’t died already. The mere idea of being in the middle of an Iruka-sandwich was quite possibly the single hottest thing in the world. Actually being in the middle of an Iruka-sandwich was so erotic that he was surprised when he didn’t immediately come right then.
And that was before either of them started to move; before any prostates were touched or any hickeys given or kisses exchanged; before fingers alternately pinched and caressed chakra points; before any lust-filled cries and moans filled the room; before the husky, earthy scent of Iruka aroused filled every pore of his body and the warm smoothness of perfect skin rubbed up against his.
Everything came together in perfect harmony for one blinding, brilliant moment, and then it exploded everywhere.
When the blackness cleared from Kakashi’s vision, a very smug looking Iruka sat in front of him. “You actually passed out?”
“Mmm.” On some level, he wondered if he should be denying that, but he felt so wonderfully content that he decided it wasn’t worth it. Besides, if he wanted Afterlife Iruka to do that again, he should stoke his ego as much as possible.
The self-satisfied look intensified. “Good. Nobody else has been able to do that; let that act as a reminder that you’re off-limits to everyone else.”
“Okay.” He tugged at the chakra string a few times. “Iruka, love?”
“Yes?”
“Could you let me go, please?” He wanted to touch. He’d been denied it before and he didn’t want to deny himself it in the fuzzy pleasure of the afterglow.
Iruka smirked and Kakashi felt a sudden rush of anticipatory dread race over him.
“Let you go, my dear man? Why, I don’t think so! For a lesson to be effective, one has to teach it more than once!”
Kakashi was so dead and in the perfect afterlife.
“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!” Naruto and Sakura shrieked when they saw him.
“Around.” Kakashi concentrated on not sitting funny and keeping his posture properly lazy.
“THREE DAYS! THREE FUCKIN’ DAYS!” Naruto yelled in indignation, spluttering and not able to get much more than that out.
“That’s a new low for even you!” Sakura cracked her knuckles threateningly.
“Well, see, I was dead and enjoying the most beautiful and perfect afterlife when a well-meaning but poorly-informed green moron thought I would rather be alive and resuscitated me. And then a busty busybody showed up and…”
“LIAR!”
Kakashi shrugged and decided to train his team extra hard for not even attending his funeral.
As their incensed complaints and threats swirled around him, Kakashi settled back and pondered what he could do to get a repeat performance. Maybe if he took on the whole Akatsuki at once…or maybe he could just get Genma to grope his thigh again. Either plan sounded plausible to get Iruka to do that again.