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“Felicity?” Oliver called out, dropping his keys on the counter. “You home?”
There was no response so Oliver pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He was about to dial when he spotted her tote and house keys on the couch. Frowning, he put his phone down and walked further into the apartment that they’d been sharing for the last three months; the same one where they’d made love for the first time.
There was no sign of her in living room so Oliver walked towards their bedroom. It too was empty but Oliver spied the light in the bathroom and moved toward it.
“Felicity?” he asked. “You in there?”
No answer.
Nudging the door open, Oliver stuck his head around the corner and felt his heart plummet in a mix of nerves and fear. Felicity was slumped on the floor, her head leaning back against the shower door. She looked pale and listless.
He was on his knees in front of her immediately, his hand pushing sweaty locks of hair away from her face.
“Baby, talk to me,” Oliver said. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”
Felicity pushed his hand away.
“Don’t call me that,” she muttered.
“What’s wrong?” Oliver repeated. “You’re starting to scare me.”
Felicity opened her eyes and this close, Oliver could see that she’d been crying.
“I’m scared too,” she whispered. “I think…”
“What?” Oliver pressed.
“I think I might be pregnant,” Felicity said.
Oliver rocked back on his heels, the shock literally propelling him backwards at the same time as Felicity bolted towards the toilet to throw up, apparently not for the first time.
His thoughts were spinning but Oliver forced himself not to engage with his feelings. Right now, taking care of Felicity was the most important thing. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her hair back over her shoulder.
“I’ve got you,” he murmured.
She fell back against him when the heaves eased and Oliver tightened his hold on her.
“Have you taken a pregnancy test?” he asked softly.
“No,” she said.
“Made an appointment to see your doctor?” he asked.
“No,” she said.
“Okay,” Oliver said. “Let’s get you cleaned up and then I’ll make a run to the drug store.”
“We should talk first,” Felicity said, trying to force herself up. “Before we know, we should…”
“If that’s what you want,” Oliver agreed. “But let’s still clean up, okay? Can you stand?”
Felicity nodded and Oliver helped her to her feet. He reached into the shower to turn the water on and adjust the temperature while Felicity flushed the toilet and stumbled to the sink to brush her teeth.
He helped her get out of her clothes and then took his own off too so that he could get in with her. Felicity didn’t seem to mind him taking charge so Oliver concentrated on working up a lather with her favorite shower gel and smoothing it all over her. His touch was comforting rather than sexual and he felt Felicity relax a little bit, the tension in her easing.
She didn’t say anything so Oliver took the time to gather his thoughts.
It was the last thing in the world he’d expected her to say. Granted, there was no such thing has foolproof birth control but they’d always been careful. Not that it mattered. The point was that careful or not, Felicity could be pregnant.
And the timing was completely wrong. Oliver knew that. They’d been together just over a year now. Felicity had turned twenty – and moved in with him – a few months ago. She was just starting to look at PhD programs. Scaramanzia was turning enough of a profit now that he, Sara and Shado had been talking about opening another location.
Having a baby in the middle of all that would be…complicated. And yet there was a part of him that wanted it so fiercely, he almost couldn’t breathe. He didn’t realize that his hand had stilled over her stomach until hers came up to cover it.
“You want this, don’t you?” she said.
“I…yeah,” Oliver admitted. “Not specifically now but at some point, yeah. I want to have babies with you, have a family with you.”
Felicity turned around to look at him, the water continuing to pour down over both of them.
“Do you not want that?’ Oliver asked.
“I haven’t thought about it, Oliver,” Felicity said. “Not in serious terms. We’ve never even talked about getting married and that’s because it’s too soon. And if it’s too soon to talk about spending the rest of our lives together, don’t you think it’s too soon for something that will tie us to each other forever?”
“I think that perfect timing is a myth,” Oliver said. “I think that I love you and that spending the rest of my life with you is something I’ve thought about more than once. But I know you’re not ready for that and I know you don’t feel ready for this.”
He framed her face in his hands.
“Right now, we don’t even know if this is happening,” he said. “Holding off on the rest of this conversation until we do might not be a bad idea.”
Felicity nodded and swallowed back the words that were crowding in the back of her throat. The truth was that she wanted children and the thought of having those children with Oliver made her heart feel full to bursting. But despite what he said about there being no such thing as perfect timing, Felicity knew the opposite was entirely possible.
She’d always wanted to be a stay at home mother. Having lost her own mother at an early age, Felicity had promised herself that when she had kids, she’d dedicate herself to them completely. That way, if anything ever happened to her, they’d at least have more memories and time with her than she’d had with her mom.
The problem was there was so much she wanted to do with her life before that. She wanted her PhD. She wanted her own computer engineering company. She wanted more time alone with Oliver, to travel the world and enjoy being together without any entanglements or other commitments.
Maybe that was selfish of her but it was also the root of her deepest fear. If they had a baby now, whether she chose to be a working mother or to stay home, she’d be giving up something that was important to her and she was terrified that would lead to her resenting Oliver or their child or both.
“Felicity, look at me,” Oliver said.
She lifted her head and fixed her eyes on his.
“No matter what, we’ll be okay,” he told her.
Felicity nodded again even though she wasn’t nearly as certain as he seemed to be and she let him pull her into his arms. He was warm and solid and she clung to him until the water started to cool and he moved to shut it off.
Once they’d both dried off and dressed, Oliver tucked her into bed with a mug of peppermint tea and a plate of crackers.
“Are you going to be okay while I run out?” Oliver asked. “Do you want me to call Thea?”
“I’ll be fine,” Felicity told him. “The drug store is barely two blocks away.”
“Okay,” Oliver said.
He pressed a kiss to her forehead and then walked out of the room. Moments later Felicity heard the front door closing behind him. She took a few sips of her tea and then set it aside in favor of curling up underneath the covers, her arms wrapped around Oliver’s pillow and her nose pressed into it so that she could breathe him in.
In less than ten minutes he was back and Felicity heard the faint thud as he dropped the bag onto the floor. She felt the mattress dip as he slid onto the bed behind her and she immediately relinquished the pillow in favor of the real thing.
“Is it okay if we wait some more?” she murmured.
“Yeah,” Oliver said, pulling her closer.
He stroked his fingers through her hair until she fell asleep and he must have dozed off as well because it was the sound of Felicity crying that woke him up. Realizing that she wasn’t in the bed next to him, Oliver got to his feet and followed the sound to the bathroom.
He found her in almost the same position as when he’d come home the first time today, with the difference that he could see the tears falling down her face and she was clutching a white plastic stick in one hand.
“Is it…” he began thickly.
“I’m not pregnant,” she said. “Took six of them.”
She nodded to the bathroom counter and Oliver saw the other tests lined up one next to the other, all apparently with the negative result.
He dropped himself to the floor next to her and put his hand on her knee.
“Talk to me,” he said quietly.
“I was so worried about what it would mean if I was,” she hiccupped. “I didn’t think how I’d feel if I wasn’t. Or no, that’s not true. I thought I would be relieved and maybe I am, a little, but I’m sad too. A lot more than I could have imagined.”
“I understand,” Oliver said.
“And Oliver what if something’s wrong with me and I can’t get pregnant when we’re ready to?” Felicity asked.
“Baby, you’re borrowing way more trouble than you need to here,” Oliver said, tugging her toward him. “There’s no reason to think that and even if there was, there are plenty of ways we can start a family.”
Felicity snuggled into him.
“Thank you for being so calm,” she said. “I needed that.”
“I promised you I’d be here for you to lean on,” he reminded her.
“On the days I don’t feel like Superwoman,” Felicity agreed. “Today definitely qualifies.”
They sat on the floor of the bathroom for a while longer until Felicity suddenly burst out laughing.
“What’s funny?” Oliver inquired.
“Just picturing Tommy’s face,” Felicity said. “If I had been.”
Oliver chuckled.
“He practices, you know,” he told her. “Different reaction faces for our milestones; moving in together was one. He has one for if we get engaged, another for his best man speech at the wedding. He hasn’t mastered the “we’re having a baby” one. Says it’s because he’ll probably pass out as a result of his “they never actually have sex” fantasy being shattered.”
“My brother is a dork,” Felicity said, smiling.
“It’s why we love him,” Oliver said.
He looked down at her.
“Ready to get up?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Felicity said.
Oliver got to his feet and pulled her up after him. When he would have walked into the bedroom, she held him back, standing on her bare tiptoes to kiss him.
“I love you,” she said.
“I know,” he said. “I love you too.”
“Felicity?” Oliver called out, dropping his keys on the counter. “You home?”
“In the office,” Felicity called out.
“Come out here,” Oliver said. “I got someone that wants to meet you.”
He heard her footsteps approach and then she appeared in the doorway, shooting him a curious look.
“No one here but you,” she pointed out.
“Me,” Oliver said. “And this young lady.”
The hand that had been held behind his back extended in Felicity’s direction and she squealed.
“Oliver, she’s adorable,” Felicity exclaimed, rushing over to him and scooping the sleepy golden Labrador puppy into her arms. “For us?”
“I figured there should be some sort of intermediary level,” he said. “Between being parents and not.”
“She’s perfect,” Felicity said, rubbing the top of the puppy’s head and earning a lazy lick to the cheek for her effort. “And you’re…not perfect but getting closer all the time when you pull stuff like this.”
Oliver laughed.
“What should we call her?” he asked.
Felicity thought about it and then grinned.
“Honey,” she said.