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It’s always been like this.
Not that either of them has noticed.
But there have been encounters.
There have been small pecks here and there.
Goodbye or hello kisses.
I’m glad you’re here or you’re looking good kisses.
I’m annoyed with you but you’re kind of cute kisses.
Things are pretty messed up, but you’re here for me and that’s great kisses.
Our hands are linked, the weather’s great, we’re sort of staring intensely at each other so let’s kiss kisses.
Ever since they were young.
It’s just been a normal thing.
Something that they do.
Jongin, who’s a year older than Kyungsoo, whose lips are plump and undefined but soft nonetheless, who likes to nibble and press.
Kyungsoo, whose lips curve a lovely way, and who likes to linger.
Both, who’ve been friends for a long time, all the way up to Jongin’s graduation of high school.
Summer is soon passing by, and they’ll have to separate.
Kyungsoo can’t say he’s happy about it.
Because Jongin has always been there - right by his side, for some reason.
An older student who didn’t hang out with many as a kid, was quiet too, but who liked the company of some younger stud that occasionally came to nag him under the crown of the tree in the school yard. Kyungsoo with his dumb videos on Youtube or other comic books, while Jongin read depthful books and in the start ignored the kid with a strange bowl-cut.
Yet here they are, and there’s something that Kyungsoo has noticed.
Something he didn’t notice before.
He guesses it started when he, himself, talked about kissing when he was mere seven years old, and said that it’s something you do with the people or the person you love.
Where Jongin had scrunched his nose. ‘’Kissing?’’ he said, older and better knowing. ‘’That’s for adults.’’
‘’We’re adults, aren’t we?’’ Kyungsoo was stubborn.
Jongin had been smiling, and though wiser, he wasn’t knowing at all. ‘’We are,’’ he exclaimed thoughtfully.
And since then, they had kissed. Just a bit. Sometimes a lot, sometimes not at all. Small pecks, and nothing more.
Because Kyungsoo smiled.
Because Jongin felt content.
Because by each other’s side, things were kind of okay, even when Kyungsoo got bad grades in math or Jongin’s parents got divorced.
So kissing is a thing that they do. Have done somehow always Without really thinking about it.
And Kyungsoo doesn’t know how someone can kiss without thinking about it.
Even as a teenager, he hadn’t thought about it like that despite surfing explicit stuff on the internet or having a hand shoved down his pants at night under the blankets.
Kyungsoo and Jongin were just friends.
Are just friends, after all.
Although they talked about mature stuff, about girls who only Kyungsoo was a bit interested in whereas Jongin seemed to have a thing solely for guys, there wasn’t really a talk about their kissing. Or how close they sat so very often - the proximity there.
Kyungsoo never questioned why he had never had eyes for someone else, despite thinking that girls were pretty.
Or why he once felt so painfully cruel inside and had bad thoughts in mind when Jongin had a small crush on an older student Minseok - where Kyungsoo felt so strangely relieved the moment Minseok graduated and left.
And he’s here, seventeen years old, sitting on his bed with a strange lump in his throat, while Jongin is concentrating as he sits in the beanbag on the floor and plays a Nintendo game with the controller practically shoved up his own face, despite the object usually being another novel about fantasy or crime.
Kyungsoo thinks about what happened at the dinner table yesterday, where Seungsoo had joked with a wry smile that since Jongin is leaving, Kyungsoo might as well find some other boy to mack on.
‘’Mack on?’’ his eyebrows scrunched.
Seungsoo looked strangely bemused. ‘’Yeah, you know. Kiss. Or have sex with, I don’t know. Hasn’t he reached that age yet?’’ he glanced to the side and at their mother, who gave Seungsoo a strict look in return, as if to say ‘not yet’.
But Kyungsoo just glared.
Sex. Kissing.
He had thought about it sometimes. But with whom, he never remembered, or thought was important.
Seungsoo glared back. ‘’Isn’t Jongin your boyfriend?’’
To which something had clicked in Kyungsoo’s brain, as his brother looked incredulous upon telling that he thought Kyungsoo and Jongin had been long-term boyfriends all along.
‘’You kiss and hold hands all the time. What the hell are you saying; not boyfriends?’’ Seungsoo had been downright annoyed to the point where their father had ended the discussion.
And that’s why Kyungsoo sits here, somewhat dumbstruck, with a realization he hasn’t had before.
Because just yesterday, he got a message from Jongin saying that Jongin had found a spot close to the chosen college; achieved an apartment that he’d share with another friend of his, Taemin.
Meaning Kyungsoo is going to spend his last year in high school without Jongin, and Jongin is going to college.
They’re going to separate, and Kyungsoo has never thought about the possibility of that.
Nor what exactly their relationship is, or why it is that the two different realizations blend together and give him a whole new perspective on things - and amplify the snug feeling in his chest that he’s always had but skipped because it’s just been the average.
He looks at Jongin, and the lump in his throat continues to grow bigger.
They have the summer vacation left, and that’s it.
And Kyungsoo can still feel the tingle on his lips.
From when they had kissed just an hour ago as Jongin arrived here; the elder who knocked on the door, and when Kyungsoo opened, he smiled like always And kissed Kyungsoo, Like always.
For the first time, Kyungsoo had stilled.
He processed the action in his head.
The thoughts became feelings.
They became a light feeling on his lips that travelled down his throat, through his lungs and further down - all the way into his stomach and even his gut and to his thighs.
He stared for long, until Jongin worriedly asked if he was okay, jokingly asking if Kyungsoo had eaten something bad today.
Kyungsoo said everything was fine.
Even if it wasn’t.
Isn’t.
The tingle on his lips stays there, even now, where Jongin murmurs a curse word under his breath and might be seconds away from snapping the controller in half as he stares at the screen with squinted eyes, wriggling for a better seat in the beanbag.
He only pauses when he hears a soft ‘’hey.’’
It’s Kyungsoo, who crawls down from the bed somewhat slowly, inching closer to Jongin.
‘’Mhm?’’ Jongin answers.
‘’I swear I’m almost there,’’ he waves the controller, ‘’seriously. The boss is hard though. Even if it’s on easy. It’s hard,’’ he’s bad at games where Kyungsoo is a champ, but likes to lie in this matter, just because he knows Kyungsoo knows this.
Kyungsoo doesn’t reply.
He feels like…
He feels like he wants to figure something out.
Right now.
Something he can’t put words on, nor explain, or pin out through mulling for days, even if the answer is obvious.
Almost too obvious.
But oblivious between two hard-headed clotpoles.
He doesn’t say anything, but leans closer and shuts the distance between them from the side, pecking Jongin softly on the mouth, lingering just so.
When he withdraws, Jongin looks indifferent for a second.
Then he smiles, and one hand reaches out to run along Kyungsoo’s bicep in a gentle caress, just because.
‘’Your turn?’’ he asks and refers to the game, holding the controller up.
As if Kyungsoo didn’t just kiss him.
Like it’s normal, or just something they do.
It’s so confusing.
Kyungsoo is so confused.
So he does it again.
He kisses Jongin right on the mouth, this time a little harder, unlike what he’s ever done before, to the point where their nose tips press together.
Jongin just stares afterwards.
He wiggles to make space for Kyungsoo on the huge beanbag. ‘’You want to watch me play?’’ he asks instead, undisturbed.
Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow, and his knuckles whiten against the floor, hands curling into fists.
Why isn’t Jongin reacting?
Or he is, but it’s like it’s just -
It’s just a routine, but not a routine that other people do, if they’re, If they’re just friends.
Kyungsoo’s lips are tingling. His chest feels tight and light at the same time.
He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he wants Jongin to see… Whatever it is they both haven’t seen or noticed for so long.
The thing that Kyungsoo can’t make his brain understand yet, not before he knows where they stand.
Truly, he doesn’t know what he’s doing.
He hasn’t kissed anyone before, not in a sober state, at least.
Chanyeol, yes, but they were both drunk.
Maybe Jongin. He’s not sure.
Though he knows that there was a period a year ago where Jongin had ignored Kyungsoo for quite a while, right after prom at school where Kyungsoo couldn’t remember anything, blacked out from drunkenness.
He woke up only clad in his boxers on Jongin’s bed the next morning - covered in dark and pink splotches engraved on his neck and thighs and some on his chest, and there were some on Jongin’s throat as well.
Bruises, probably.
Yet his brain is churning though, and there have been so many incidents back in time.
There have been so many things he’s never thought about that suddenly pique his interest, things he wants to solve - because they’re important.
And they’ve always been there.
He’s just overlooked them, or thought that, Whatever it is that Jongin and he has, it’s just right.
Just them.
Jongin before him raises one brow, questioning.
‘’Soo?’’ he asks.
He’s always called Kyungsoo that.
Soo or Kyung.
Soo, mostly.
Kyungsoo makes an odd noise in the back of his mouth, swallowing thickly as he shuts the distance, this time angling his head a bit.
He lingers, more than he’d usually do.
And when he withdraws, it’s for a minute, to see what this is - to see if Jongin sees something different, because he lets their mouths hover close to one another, his breath fanning over Jongin’s lower lip.
Jongin’s hold on the Nintendo controller loosens, sinking down and into the beanbag with a dry tap.
His eyes are alert all of sudden, as if he’s broken out of a reverie.
Yet they’re soft at the same time, a glaze starting to show, a hooded kind;
Kyungsoo who feels like he could cringe in surprise due to the tinge of warmth scalding his insides when he sees Jongin’s pupils expand up close.
In return, it’s not the younger who snaps the distance this time,
But Jongin who angles his head a teensy bit, at first moving closer, then stopping and jerking a minimal centimeter back, as if he’s unsure if it’d be okay to kiss Kyungsoo.
He does it though, and Kyungsoo’s eyes are closed as lips start to move against his own.
The plump ones he’s tasted so many times and maybe in many different ways.
But not in this way, where he’s aware, and where the hand on his bicep tightens, and Kyungsoo feels himself inch closer without really knowing that he does it.
Without knowing that in a matter of seconds he’s straddling Jongin, and Jongin has let go of the controller in favor of cradling the back of Kyungsoo’s head, having the younger atop himself. It’s so strange,
It’s close, too hot,
Foreign but not really, because it’s only a step further than what they usually do.
The flick of something wet over Kyungsoo’s bottom lip; something that makes a breathy noise –
A moan slip through, and his fingers tremble from where they’re grabbing the front of Jongin’s shirt to find support.
Jongin who breathes out through his nose, giving the crack of Kyungsoo’s mouth a tentative lick again after they’ve done five or maybe ten chaste kisses with the undertone of something far more intimate.
This isn’t one of those thank you for being here kisses, It spells out something else.
Words spelled in fat letters.
I need you here.
And Kyungsoo can feel his thighs clench when he parts his mouth, feeling a pair of teeth clack against his own front ones, just a little clank.
There’s a slick noise and a smack of lips on lips when Jongin starts kissing him intently, a tongue dipping in to run along the back of Kyungsoo’s lower set of teeth then, their breaths mingling.
It’s so warm -
Jongin tastes like a sip of the vanilla tea Kyungsoo made for him, which cup still stands on the night desk.
He tastes like a vast hint of mint gum, and a third thing – something that tastes, Just tastes like Jongin.
Something that makes Kyungsoo’s stomach scrunch and his lower lip tremble, accidentally jerk away from the kiss on impulse due to the spike of electricity that runs up his spine since Jongin wriggles a bit, resulting that their clothed crotches grind for a second.
He’s breathing raggedly.
And so is Jongin.
Jongin, who gulps so hard that his Adam’s apple takes a turn up and down.
Jongin, whose lips look so kissable - especially now that they’re swollen and a bit red, with a sheen of spit covering them.
Jongin, whose eyes are blown, and crinkles around his eyes appear from the way his eyes flutter shut just briefly, opening again somewhat lazily as if he’s in a daze.
Jongin, whose hand is still on the back of Kyungsoo’s neck, cupping it, massaging it briefly with a possessive grip - with his other hand around Kyungsoo’s hip, placed on the spot just above one of Kyungsoo’s ass cheeks.
Jongin, whose pouch of jeans is tenting, pressing against the underside of Kyungsoo’s crotch, matching Kyungsoo’s own state of arousal.
The thing between them is that this is not just mindless lust, It’s not just kissing either.
It’s a bit of everything, of different vibes melted into one.
Kyungsoo, who normally isn’t a daring person, sticks his tongue out when their lips meet anew, fingers clenching in Jongin’s shirt again as their tongues meet, and it’s so hot and wet.
With Jongin pressing Kyungsoo against himself; the hand on the edge of Kyungsoo’s pants sliding down to touch one cheek. They probe at each other experimentally, Kyungsoo feels so tingly inside.
He feels a thrum under his skin upon hearing, feeling, a deep vibration transfer into his mouth as Jongin moans when Kyungsoo directly kisses the tip of his tongue, sucking on it lightly, letting go again.
It’s clumsy, probably, but it’s pleasant, and it makes the both of them run out of breath.
Yet not enough to have them stopping.
Neither of them know,
They don’t know for how long this goes on.
For how long their mouths stay attached, going from lasting and open-mouthed kisses, to small pecks, nibbling, biting, and cutesy kisses thrown between them.
The position only changes with a bit of rustling –
Kyungsoo who’s got his arms snaked around Jongin’s neck, elbows resting on the broad shoulders, and Jongin who’s got both of his palms cupping Kyungsoo’s ass cheeks, this time time to grasp them firmly.
Kyungsoo rocking back and forth in miniscule motions,
Jongin encouraging it by canting his hips upwards and letting the younger feel the outline of his erection pressing in between the split of the covered buttocks.
It’s not just kisses on the mouth anymore.
But one snuck beneath the skin behind Jongin’s ear,
One on the side of Kyungsoo’s throat,
A couple along Jongin’s jawline, And so much more.
Kyungsoo feeling dizzy in his head as he raises his torso, and really sits on Jongin’s lap instead; the bend of his arms straight, palms clutching Jongin’s biceps as he starts riding him - knees, shins, toes and start of the underside of his feet digging into the beanbag.
Meanwhile, the hands on his ass cheeks feel up the globes, Kyungsoo not even feeling fazed as the fingers tug down in the back of his sweatpants, just enough for Jongin to prop his hands down there and frame Kyungsoo’s ass, one cheek in each hand, squeezing them obscenely, since the younger has been too lazy to wear underwear today.
It’s like a melody - something sacred, even if it’s just Jongin who whispers ‘’fuck’’ under his breath as his head tips and his eyes are shut, a grimace playing on his face as he follows the motions and presses Kyungsoo down on himself with more force than before.
Kyungsoo’s breathing is so ragged that it can barely be heard, and he starts jerking his hips desperately, bouncing on Jongin’s lap while Jongin digs his heels into the ground and thrusts up, the air in the room becoming too snug - not that they’ll notice.
‘’Jongin,’’ it’s choked, a warning as a heat suddenly starts to build in Kyungsoo’s stomach until it feels too overwhelming, head thrown back and thighs cramping when he comes - the front of his sweatpants starting to stain with a wet, soaked spot.
His body stills, and his eyelids become heavy.
Barely realizing that Jongin has stopped moving as well.
They’re both just panting loudly, Jongin coughing; a garbled ‘’oh my god, Kyungsoo,’’ sounding from the elder.
Kyungsoo’s head lolls down, and he blinks at Jongin through half-lidded eyes.
His mind is still a little fogged, and he’s not sure if he’s ever felt like this before.
‘’Sorry,’’ he says, not sure why.
Maybe because he started making out with Jongin out of nowhere, breaking their usual pattern.
Maybe because he just rode Jongin until he came in his own pants.
Or they both came, apparently, Kyungsoo notes when he looks down, and the stain on Jongin’s crotch isn’t too visible due to him wearing dark denim.
Jongin’s lips have become dry. He groans, blowing a raspberry.
‘’You can’t just,’’ he laughs, ‘’you can’t just apologize after you made me cum, I swear- godSoo,’’ closing his eyes, taking the situation in.
‘’Doing this… out of nowhere,’’ he continues, wheezing somehow - but probably mostly out of feeling dumbstruck.
‘’Warn a man, would you,’’ there’s nothing harsh in the tone, because the fingers carding through Kyungsoo’s hair are fond and caring.
‘’You,’’ Kyungsoo suddenly quips, making Jongin crack one eye open.
‘’You…,’’ it sounded secure at first, but at a second thought, his cheeks start to burn, and it’s really not the time to feel shy.
‘’You should…,’’ he clears his throat upon a moment of silence. ‘’You have to make sure to call me everyday when you’re in college, okay?’’ he murmurs, out of proportion, instead of what he had planned to say.
Or confess, now that some things have become clearer to him.
Jongin blinks, attentive.
‘’Of course,’’ he has the nerve to roll his eyes -
‘’I didn’t plan on doing anything else.’’
His brows furrow. ‘’Are you doing this to butter me up or something?’’ Kyungsoo huffs, surprised though - ‘’No, no I just…,’’ he shrugs.
He can’t really say.
‘’I just. I just wanted to, I guess,’’ he admits. ‘’Suddenly. Or. Often. I mean, I just thought…’’ ‘’Because…,’’ there’s a pause.
He does another shrug.
Jongin doesn’t say anything, but pulls Kyungsoo down for a kiss.
This one is different, But not sexual.
Not a step further ahead.
It’s a level they’ve always been on.
Yet one Kyungsoo might first see now, because maybe… Maybe Jongin has been seeing it for a while.
And the smile on their faces says something important about the softness of the kiss, a gentle act of a treasured intimacy.
Of the I love you kiss –
That they’ve just shared, for the hundredth time this year.