Chapter Text
Kara is sleeping when she hears a loud bang and multiple footsteps running through her apartment. She had just finished saving 100 people from a string of fires (which she suspects were arson) at 3 different buildings. She knew she had things to do before crashing, but she could barely make it back to her apartment after the day she'd had. Normally she'd feel fine, even after something bigger than a fire, however recently she's been exausted at all times of the day. Alex could tell that something was different about her, and had asked her about it. Kara just brushed it off, and said it was just her body being tired after everything that had happened with Reign, and that she would probably just need a few days to relax again. At the time she believed those things to be true, but that was 4 weeks ago and if she were being honest, she was feeling worse than before. She had barley had an appetite and she couldn't really stand to be outside or around people for longer than 4 hours of the day which was very unusual For her.
Before things got even worse, she'd made a mental note to talk to Alex about it when she saw her again but now Kara really didn't know when that would be. She could blame it on the fact that everyone was still trying to adjust to all of the new changes at the DEO (the disbanding of all weapons, Winn's move to the future, Brainy's move to the present, J'onn's departure and Alex's promotion) but she hadn't seen any of the 'Superfriends' since they saved the world, and she hadn't seen Alex since the day all of these changes had happened. Kara wouldn't act like she didn’t know what was causing this reclusive spell on her life, but she wouldn't exactly shout it from the rooftops either. If somone (say Alex) were to ask her what was wrong she would say..... Well she would say something along the lines of.
"Something's missing and it's my fault that it's gone." to which Alex would probably respond “Did you lose your toothbrush again, Kara I keep telling you not to brush your teeth anywhere but your bathroom." Alex would then (most likely) see that that was not what Kara's problem was due to the pout on her face and say "Kara...What's going on? You know that you can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?" Kara would look at Alex and proceed to look down at her now intreging fingernails. Alex would get the message that this explanation needed to be coaxed out, and place a hand on her sisters knee. Kara would look at her sister's hand and then up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath and trying to fight back the tears that burned throughout her nerves, creating a lump in her throat, failing to do so, she would open her mouth just a few times, and at her final attempt to speak, let out a sob, her head falling into her hand , her hair shielding the sides of face. Alex would immideitly rush to scoot closer to her sister, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her into her chest. Kara would fall into the embrace and continue to let out loud sobs, sharp and shakey breaths and, of course, a seemingly never ending stream of tears. Crying into her big sisters chest, Alex running her fingers through Kara's blond locks, scratching her scalp and rubbing her back, trying to give some form of comfort to her distraught younger sister. Kara would eventually fall asleep, not having eating any of the takeout she and Alex had ordered. Kara wouldn't know how long she sat there and when she would wake up, Alex would still be rubbing her back. She would take a shower and get ready for work, opting to skip any sort of breakfast, and walking instead of flying to Catco, leaving her sleeping sister on the couch in her apartment. Alex would text her later in the day and ask Kara if she would come over to talk about what had happened, and Kara would tell Alex that she was fine, and just tired,(which she and her sister both knew wasn't true). Alex would call Kara and Kara would send her straight to voicemail, texting her saying that she was busy or in a meeting or saving someone, and would talk later. When In reality, Kara was the exact opposite of busy. She would be in her office staring at her new lunch order, perfect and untouched, letting time pass, until Snapper would yell for her to get back to reporting, and she would not call, nor text her worried sister back.
Okay so maybe she would withhold the truth a little when asked, but that scenario, though strikingly acurate to her life in the last four weeks (crying with no warning or explanation, ordering but never touching her dinner, skipping breakfast, sitting in her office again not having any of the lunch on her desk, counting down each second until she could leave work) was still just a scenario. How could she even be sure that she wouldn't just outright tell whoever was concerned that she.... That she had made a dire mistake, and that she could never ammend any of the things she'd done? If she were being honest with herself she would acknowledge the fact that she was already sure, because she couldn’t even hear it it, she couldn’t even say It. She couldn’t bring herself to *think* the name that makes her heart ache, and pulls the air out of her lungs, and forms that lump in her throat, and makes it so very hard to just be a person.
That name of course, was Lena. Lena her best friend. Lena who she loved, or was supposed to love, seeing as she was terrible to her. She had hurt her, she had hurt Lena, one thing she promised Lena and herself that she would absolutly never do. She had told lena that she would do the exact opposite of hurt her, that she would protect her, no matter what. Apparently Kara still needed to work on her english, because the love she claimed to be unconditional had become selfish over something so- so stupid. Ot wa stupid, and thoughtless, and idiotic, and dumb... It was just so dumb.... How- how could she say something so very dumb?
She had claimed to be different when all she really was was everything Lena had thought. Everything Lena had assumed. Had had to assume after all she had been through. And yet Lena was still so good, always trying to help. Trying to help cancer patients, orphans, aliens (despite what her family had done and what everyone seems to still outrageously think she will do) and Sam. Lena was trying to *help* Sam. Not *hurt* Kara. Not hurt anyone.
All Kara wanted was to go back in time again, just one more time, and say thank you to her. Thank you for being the one person who understood her, and saw her for who she was, not where she was from or what she could do, who always helped, and who saved the world, two times.
But of course she can't. Because Lena is strong, so strong, and she doesn't need Kara, or her thank you's or I'm sorry's. Kara doesn't need them either. She needs to give them to Lena. But again, that would be selfish and this is her punishment. It’s what she deserves, and she would gladly take this and so much more if it meant that Lena was okay.