Chapter Text
She sat, nervously tapping her fingers against the glass top of the desk in front of her. Idly, she wondered who came up with the bright idea to make a desk out of glass. It was insanely impractical. You could see right through it, so there was no storage, and when you tapped your fingers against the surface, it left a smudge print. She used her sleeve to wipe away the evidence of her nervous fidgets. She'd count this as clue number one about her new work environment: in the downtown D.C. offices of the WRC, it was all about form over function.
"Donna…" Gwen Stevens began as she rushed into her office, where Donna sat waiting. Setting a coffee cup and a blue file folder down on the thick glass, she looked up and met Donna's eye with a smile. "So I know it's your first day… but we're gonna throw you right in."
Donna stood and smoothed her skirt at the other woman's entrance. "Great, I'm excited to get to work. What's on the agenda?" Donna had liked Gwen immediately upon meeting her; she was a perky blonde with intelligent green eyes and laugh lines. Donna guessed her to be in her early forties.
"The White House."
She sat back down in one of the chairs opposite Gwen's desk. "That is throwing me in."
"We have to move fast. The legislation is moving through committee and if we want to avoid a vote, we need to be in their faces now."
"But a White House meeting?"
"We brought you in from Chicago because you know the issue inside and out. This is why you're here."
"I'm sure there are a lot of people here-"
"You wrote a brilliant thesis... and you've spent the last year working on these issues. So I think you're the perfect person to take this meeting." Gwen sounded confident and convincing, even though she had been shocked when her boss had instructed her to take the young woman to the meeting on her first day. But her boss was the National Director for a reason and she obviously had a plan.
Donna had been amazed at how fast everything had happened. A week and a half ago, her boss had called her in and asked if she wanted to go to D.C. And after one quick interview with the National Director in Chicago it was a Monday morning and she'd been in Washington for 48 hours, living in a hotel, two suitcases full of clothes accounting for all the possessions she had with her. The rest of her belongings were supposedly being packed and shipped by professional movers, and were slated to arrive in two weeks.
"Okay," Donna answered slowly, determined to rise to the occasion. "Who are we meeting with?"
"Josh Lyman, the Deputy Chief of Staff," Gwen answered briskly, all business.
Donna went white. She was glad she was sitting down or she might have fainted.
"What?" Gwen noticed that Donna's already pale complexion had lost even more color. "Don't be nervous. I know Lyman has a reputation as a terror, but he's really not so bad."
"No… no, it's not that," Donna stuttered. "It's just that…"
Gwen looked at her expectantly. "Yes?"
"Well, did I mention that I worked for the first Bartlet campaign for a short while?"
The other woman gave her a curious once over. "No, I don't think you did. Was it on your resume?"
"No, it was such a short period of time, just six weeks… but the thing is…" Donna paused.
"Yeah?"
"I was Josh Lyman's assistant."
Gwen laughed. "Don't worry about it." She assumed Donna was concerned because she'd only lasted six weeks as his assistant and it would reflect poorly on her. "I used to be with Senator Hayworth and had to deal with his office all the time; I talked to a new person every time I called. And David-- my husband David, you'll meet him, he works over at Treasury-- tells a story about how one of the aides in the office had been Lyman's assistant and one day Lyman was over there and was introduced and had no idea that the guy had worked directly for him. He's a little notorious about going through staffers; I'm sure he probably won't even remember you."
"He probably won't even remember me," Donna repeated, but somehow that made her feel worse, not better.
***
She couldn't decide whether she was nervous, excited, scared, terrified, anxious, or a combination of any and all adjectives that, put together, described someone a little pale, a little short of breath, a little dizzy and a little numb. They were in the White House lobby. The White House. The seat of the executive branch of the United States government. The home of the President. The place where Josh worked. Josh. She hadn't seen him in almost five years; well, she hadn't seen him in person in about five years. The fact was that she'd only known him for six weeks, but for an important six weeks, certainly the most exciting she'd ever experienced. She knew that she'd never met anyone, before or since, who’d had such a profound effect on her life.
And now she was going to see him again. That would be nice. He probably wouldn't remember her; she'd remind him that she had worked for him briefly; they would laugh a moment and then move on to business. Simple. No problem. Except she was pretty sure she was going to throw up. Probably not proper etiquette for a White House meeting.
She wasn't sure which worried her more, his remembering her or his not remembering her. If he didn't remember that she'd worked for him… great. Then it wouldn't be a problem, except that it made her want to cry because she'd never forgotten a minute of the time she spent with him. He was why she'd gone back to school; he was why she'd had to leave.
Now, on the other hand, if he did remember her, she was certain he would remember that she'd left the campaign. Left him. She hadn't even done it in person, just a note. Maybe he wouldn't remember that part. But even if he did, if he went through tons of staff, he probably wouldn't care. She had just been one in apparently a very long string of assistants. Her stomach knotted.
She had to remind herself not to feel badly; it made sense that she would remember him better than he'd be able to remember her. After all, she saw him on TV or read about him all the time. Especially that summer… she remembered clearly the night it happened. Thanks to summer school and a heavy course load, she'd been about to graduate that May. That night she'd been studying for finals, pulling an all-nighter in her parents’ living room with the TV flickering on mute, when she noticed that there was breaking news.
A shooting… an assassination attempt on the President. When, late in the night, they finally released that it was Josh who had been seriously injured, Josh who had been shot, she'd forgotten all about studying for her Legislative Theory final. At first she'd paced the living room. Then she picked up the phone, but there was no one to call. Next she'd gone upstairs and packed. She would head to Washington, D.C.
It was her mother who had convinced her not to do anything rash, like blow off her final and drive to a city where she didn't really know anyone, to be at the bedside of a man that probably wouldn't remember her, and whom she most likely wouldn't even be allowed to see.
Startled, Donna was roused from her memories by the sound of a woman's voice. "Hi, I'm Ginger. If you'll follow me I'll show you to the Roosevelt Room."
***
The two women were seated at the large conference table, waiting. Donna looked around and marveled that she was actually about to take a meeting in the White House. She tried to focus on the meeting and her mission, not on whom the meeting was with. Just then the door opened, and a man swept in with a stack of folders in one hand and a pair of glasses in the other. She knew him, but he definitely wasn't Josh.
"Hello, I'm Sam Seaborn, Deputy Communications Director." Donna noticed that he still had a boyish smile.
They rose, and Gwen stuck out her hand. "Gwen Stevens, we met at-"
He took her hand, but cut her off. "Gwen, of course, how are you… how is David?"
"Wonderful. I want you to meet our new point person on this issue, she just moved from the Chicago office. This is Donna Moss, she-"
"You are Donna Moss," he interrupted with a big smile. He'd looked over at her as soon as Gwen had started the introduction and thought she seemed very familiar, but as soon as Gwen said the name it all fell into place.
She smiled back. "Sam, I didn't think you would remember me."
He crossed around the table. "Of course I remember you." He pulled her into a quick hug. "You're the only one who ever kept Josh together. We were so sorry when you left, especially Josh."
Donna didn't know whether to feel gratified or mortified by his words.
"I know this was to be Josh's meeting, but he's been held up on campaign business." Sam paused and looked quizzically over at Donna. "Did he know he was supposed to meet with you?"
Donna shook her head, not sure whether she was relieved or disappointed that she wouldn't get to see Josh. "No, I just got to town over the weekend; this is my first day on the job."
"Wow, I guess you've hit the ground running then?" She nodded. He looked over at Gwen. "Shall we get started?"
***
They met for over an hour. Donna felt satisfied with the results of the meeting, but she knew it was going to be an uphill battle getting the support they wanted.
As the meeting came to a close, Sam looked at Donna, his eyes full of both kindness… and curiosity. "Can you stick around a few minutes?"
"Uh… sure." She nodded, not at all sure what he wanted from her.
Gwen looked between them and then decided she wasn't needed any longer. "Well, I'm going to meet my husband next door for dinner, so will you be okay getting back?"
Donna smiled at her gratefully. "Yes, fine, thank you. The Metro was the first thing I mastered when I got here Saturday." The Metro had been easy. She was pretty sure nothing else in her new life or job was going to be that easy.
Sam picked up the phone. "Hey, come down to the Roosevelt Room, there's someone here you'll want to say hi to." Donna froze. Josh was coming; he'd just called Josh and Josh was coming to say 'hi.' She commanded herself not to hyperventilate and then said it over and over in her head, trying to will herself to calm down.
"So where are you living?"
"Huh?" She'd been concentrating so hard on not hyperventilating that she hadn't heard him.
He chuckled indulgently before repeating, "Living? Where are you living?"
"Oh, I don't have a place yet. They have me at an Embassy Suites, near Dupont Circle."
Sam nodded as they both heard a voice from behind them. "Sam, have you given any thought to the First Lady’s agenda… the Post wants an answer on…" But it wasn't Josh's voice; in fact, it wasn't a man's voice.
Donna whipped around so that she was face-to-face with the White House Press Secretary. CJ studied her intently. "CJ, you remember Donna Moss. She was with us for awhile-"
"On the first campaign!" She interrupted excitedly. "Of course, Donna, how are you?"
Donna heaved a relieved sigh at her reaction and smiled. "Frankly, surprised you guys remember me."
"Remember you? We shared a room all through South Carolina and…" She trailed off as she saw Sam, behind Donna's back, shaking his head vigorously at her.
"And?" Donna questioned
"Nothing." CJ smiled innocently at her. "Nothing, just that of course we remember you. What brings you here?"
"She's the WRC's new front person on choice," Sam piped up. "She was supposed to meet with Josh today, but since he got stuck in Memphis, I met with her and Gwen Stevens instead."
"Really?" CJ turned to face her.
"Yes, our Congress thinks it's going to shove through legislation before the election. The WRC is gearing up."
"No, I know, but I didn't know you worked here for the WRC." She emphasized the word 'here.'
"Actually, today is my first day. I've been in their Chicago office the last two years while I worked on my masters."
CJ looked at her thoughtfully, before unwittingly muttering, "He must be slipping."
"Pardon me?" Donna thought she must have misheard.
"Oh, nothing. Nothing." She straightened up and glanced down at her watch. "Donna, what are you doing for dinner? Because I could use a break; what about you, Sam?"
"I could take a quick dinner break…" Sam turned to Donna. "What do you think?"
She grinned at him genuinely. "I'd love to." She never expected to get such a warm reception from them; plus, no self-respecting lobbyist ever turned down dinner with people as important as these.
"Donna, why don't you wait here a minute while I grab my purse and Sam, you want to see if Toby's around?"
"Sure," Sam answered as they both left the room. Donna sat down for a minute, her mind whirling. She'd been on the job one day and she was already having dinner with the White House senior staff; she was going to be a hero in the office. But it was more than that; they were treating her like a long-lost friend, which was odd to her, considering she'd only known them over one six-week period years ago. Of course, it had been an extremely pivotal six weeks in the campaign. That must be it, she thought; it was a memorable time in their lives and she had been there. It made sense. She guessed.
***
Donna was having a lovely time at dinner, but all she really wanted to do was ask about Josh. Something deep down wouldn't let her. Pride… or maybe because he was a part of her life that had been almost completely shut off for years.
CJ looked at her pointedly as she waved a forkful of salad in the air. "So, Donna, you're not wearing a ring, can I assume you're not married?"
Donna swallowed and shook her head. "No, not married… very single, in fact."
"Very single? So, I guess it didn't work out with Dr. Ferret-head?"
Donna choked on her iced tea.
"I'm sorry, that was rude. It's just that I don’t know his name and that's what Josh always called him," CJ quickly apologized.
Donna waved her off as she struggled to catch her breath. "No, it's okay; that's a surprisingly apt name. Actually, it was Dr. Freeride. I mean, Josh called him Dr. Freeride." She tried to stifle a laugh before turning serious. "But, no, of course it didn't work out with him. That's why I joined the campaign in the first place."
"Yeah, but then you left the campaign to go back to him." CJ eyed her with slight suspicion.
Donna was at a loss for a moment before she remembered. And then she did something that would alter the course of her life; she spoke without thinking. "I'd almost forgotten that's what I told him."
Everyone around the table was silent. CJ and Sam exchanged curious glances. Obviously puzzled, Sam asked, "So you didn't leave to go back to Dr. Whatever?"
"No, I left…" She trailed off, not knowing what to say. Involuntarily, her chest tightened. She'd been caught. Glancing at CJ, she started to explain, "I left for a lot of reasons, but I never went back to him. I did go back to Madison, but back for school. Lived with my parents, finished my bachelor’s degree, saved money and then was able to go to Northwestern for grad school. Josh sort of inspired me to do that."
"Why did you tell Josh that you were leaving to go back to your ex?" Sam tried to sound casual as he poked at his chicken.
Donna took a deep breath and looked over at the three curious faces staring back at her. She decided that enough time had passed so that the truth—well, mostly the truth-- wouldn't hurt now. "Because I thought it was the only reason I could give so that he wouldn’t follow me and convince me to come back." She sighed with true sadness as she remembered the events surrounding her departure. It had ripped her heart out, and taken quite some time to recover. In a way, she wasn't sure she was over it… even now. "Because he would have been able to convince me to come back and it was best that I left."
"Oh." They all looked a little taken aback, but nodded like they understood. They’d had no idea.
"So…" She looked down at her salad, trying to appear nonchalant when really, her heart was racing with the admission she'd just made. "How is he? You know I follow you guys closely… by the way, nice job on Crossfire the other night, Sam." Sam looked pleased with himself as she continued. "I have ever since I left the first campaign… is he okay?" She finally looked up.
CJ gave her a half-smile. "He's okay."
"He looked tired on Capital Beat a couple of weeks ago," Donna observed, before grimacing and biting her lip.
"Yes." CJ nodded. "This campaign has been… tough."
Donna wanted to ask a million more questions, but stopped herself. They were already studying her like a freak-show oddity and she knew she shouldn't be so interested in a man she hadn't seen in five years.
***
They finished up eating and all rose to leave, but as soon as Donna said her goodbyes and left, the three senior Bartlet advisors plopped back down.
"Wow," Sam exhaled sharply.
"Can you imagine if he'd walked in that room today?" CJ asked neither of them in particular.
Toby turned in his seat to watch Donna's retreating form before asking, "What's the big deal?"
"Toby." CJ swatted his arm.
"What?"
"Don't you remember how devastated he was when she left?"
Toby just stared at her, but Sam nodded in agreement. "He was upset for months, even though he wouldn't admit that was the reason. I think he expected her to just reappear one day. You know, walk back in the office and get back to work. I'm convinced that's why he can't keep an assistant, because they're never as good as he remembers Donna being."
"Who's going to tell him that she's in town?" CJ darted her eyes between the two guys.
Sam looked into the distance thoughtfully for a minute before shaking his head defiantly. "No."
"What? She's working on this thing and he's going to find out she's here. Besides, why shouldn't he know she's in town?"
"I'm not saying he shouldn't know, I'm saying it matters how he finds out."
"Why?" CJ studied him like he was half-crazy.
"In all the time you've known Josh, when was he happiest?"
Understanding lit CJ's eyes. "That's easy. The first campaign, when Donna was with us."
"But he was also dating Mandy then," Toby interjected.
"Yeah, well, I think we can all agree that his happiness wasn't due to Mandy," CJ scoffed.
"Wasn't that around when his Dad died?" Toby added again, not fully convinced it was the happiest time of Josh's life.
"Exactly, he was dating Mandy… he was devastated over his Dad dying… yet when he was around Donna… there was something about him. I think that says everything." Sam paused before adding, "You know he was on the verge of breaking up with Mandy right before Donna left. Probably already would have had they not been working in different cities. But then Donna left and he was lost and he just… stayed with her."
"Yeah, right through our first six months in office, talk about miserable..." Toby shuddered at the memory.
"So what are you saying, Sam?" CJ narrowed his eyes at him.
"You guys saw her tonight; she has a soft spot for him, maybe more."
"Oh, God, do not tell me you want me to be involved in some sort of harebrained matchmaking scheme while we are in the midst of re-election," Toby asked, exasperated.
CJ snorted loudly. "Like you would be amenable to participating in a harebrained matchmaking scheme if only it weren't for the campaign?"
Toby just rolled his eyes.
"You know, Sam, you might be right." CJ looked at him thoughtfully. "He's kept tabs on her; he let it slip to me awhile ago that she was with the WRC in Chicago, but he has never once admitted why he would bother checking up on a woman who had been his assistant for six weeks, when he doesn’t even know the names of the people that work for him now… he can be pretty stubborn."
"Exactly, so we need to make sure he doesn't get defensive."
"We can't forget she's a lobbyist now; she wants something from us." Toby took a swig of his drink.
CJ turned on him with narrowed eyes. "The WRC should be our ally on this; this administration better not have any intention of letting this conservative Congress put any limitations on a woman's freedom to choose."
Toby stared back at her, a pragmatic expression on his face. "We're talking about late-term abortions, CJ, not all abortions."
She immediately rebutted, her voice angry, but even. "We're talking about late-term, parental consent, right of information, emergency contraceptives, medical abortions and now they've throw in stem-cell research… we're talking about the strictest controls since before Roe v. Wade."
"Relax, CJ, you might remember I'm on your side." Toby sighed.
CJ glared at him one last time before turning back to the matter at hand. "So what do you want to do, Sam?"
"Leave it to me." Sam smiled, determined to do a favor for his buddy.
"Sam, we don't even know really why she left; shouldn't we stay out of it? Maybe there's nothing there…"
"No, I know something's there, or at least was there… remember the night before she left?"
CJ didn't. She shook her head.
"The Southern Democratic Caucus' Fundraiser event? You were worried because…"
She began to nod as the memory came into soft focus. "I was worried…"
~~~~~~~~~~~FLASH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~SDC FUNDRAISER – ATLANTA~
"Sam, is there going to be a problem?" CJ asked as she approached from across the ballroom. Her lavender Richard Tyler gown, a holdover from her Hollywood days, swished around her legs as she walked.
He looked startled by the question. There were no problems tonight. It was going off without a hitch. "I don't think so, in the two weeks since Illinois we're the front-runner… the nomination is all but sewn up."
"Not with that… I mean there." She tried to point discreetly to the dance floor.
"Do we have a problem because people are dancing? No, it's a good party, it makes Bartlet seem like fun… besides, the band is good."
CJ glared at him for not being able to pick up on her implied meaning. "Focus, please, I'm talking about one particular pair on the dance floor. Our political director is out there slow-dancing with his assistant… his young, pretty, blonde campaign assistant."
Sam glanced around the dance floor until his eyes came to rest on the pair in question. They did look rather… intimate. "CJ, don't worry about it. Look, they're laughing, he's having a good time. Anyway, don’t bug him about it. Donna's the only one that can make him relax since he came back from the funeral."
CJ nodded. She didn't want to be a killjoy, but she really did have to think of appearances. It was her job. "Where's Mandy, I don't think it would bode well if she saw this."
"You know she's in Pennsylvania. Thankfully."
"Right." She bit her lip, the reminder that Mandy was out of town not making her feel a lick better.
The song ended and the couples on the dance floor began to scatter. Neither CJ nor Sam failed to notice the way he kept hold of her hand as they exited the dance floor and started towards them. CJ looked over at Sam and whispered, "I'll take her… you take him."
Sam just nodded in agreement. Maybe the hand-holding was a bit much.
~~~~~~~~~~~FLASH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~MONDAY NIGHT~
"Oh my God… do you think it was what I said to her that night that caused her to leave?" Horrified, CJ looked first at Toby, then at Sam, then back to Toby again.
Sam just shrugged and Toby took a sip of his bourbon. CJ had always been a little overzealous while being the morality and decorum police for the administration.
The truth slowly sunk in for CJ. At the time, she'd thought Donna had left for her own reasons, to go back to her old boyfriend. But to find out that wasn't it at all and to realize she'd played a part in her disappearance… she had to find a way to make this right. "Okay, I'm in. Count me in on whatever harebrained matchmaking scheme you've got up your sleeve. I feel… absolutely terrible thinking that I had something to do with her leaving. What do you want me to do?"
"Like I said, leave it to me."
Toby calmly replied, "Oh yeah, this is going to end well."
TBC…
Next:
Josh was running late as usual when he ran into Sam in the bullpen. "What are you still doing here? You have that lunch," Sam accused anxiously.
"I know, I'm leaving right now. What did you say the woman's name is again?" Josh questioned as Sam started walking towards the exit with him.
"Oh, damn, did I forget to get that for you? Don't worry; she's probably already there."