Chapter Text
Non ti scordar di me
{As a drop of autumn fell on your cheek,
letting sorrow loose,
i made a wish on the hidden moon
that my love for you will fade away .}
Kalafina – Kugatsu
The first time Tobio coughs is in Oikawa's room; he's sleepy, in the still warm bed and he sees Tōru walking nervously across the room, talking on the phone with someone - perhaps Iwaizumi-san.
The first time it happens here, Tobio is almost drowse, the sheets sticking to his skin and he's hiding with the head against the pillow, intoxicated for one moment by Tōru's scent mixed with his.
It's not exactly pleasant, but it reminds him of what they just did, an undeniable reality, though - as in other occasions - Oikawa will kick him out in a few minutes from his house.
He's accustomed to that embarrassment, to that shame that hovers between them when they wake up next to each other; in Tōru's eyes he always perceives an emptiness that doesn't console him, which brings him back to the sad reality of their relationship.
Complicated, false, because when he finds his senpai's body above himself it isn't romance, it's just attraction - a magnet that brings them closer, but without a real, sentimental touch.
Oikawa keeps walking in the room, discussing an upcoming match, and Kageyama looks as if he doesn't know him at all: he bites the inside of his cheek, when Iwaizumi scolds him, he casually tidies his clothes a bit, when his mother's voice reminds him that they aren't alone at home.
And Tobio, the first time he coughs, is right on his messy sheets, on that pillow that he keeps to hold tight; it's a spurt of blue on white, small petals that, in the first moment, seem like confetti placed there as a joke.
He hasn't a flu, he's sure because he hardly gets sick, and the last week training was like always; he hasn't had trouble trying new attacks with Hinata in the gym or neither in intimate moments from the night before when, perhaps with unusual sweetness, Oikawa was inside him, biting his neck jokingly.
But, the blue petals are still there, he touches them almost intimated and they're soft - just like those of a true flower - but on Tōru's shelves there are no plants nor vases.
He tries to clear his throat and again he sees them, scattered on the blankets without an apparent and logical reason; now he understands, one of them comes out of his mouth as soon as he opens his lips and on his palate remains a strange and bittersweet flavour, feeling satisfied although he hasn't ate anything yet.
Oikawa is disappeared, he only hears humming from the bathroom door and, even if he's a bad liar, Tobio has only one opportunity to hide the evidence of his strange, new illness; he can't make them disappear into the trash under the latter's desk, and for this reason he dresses quickly, filling the pockets of his uniform with petals and he's ready with his bag, regardless of how little presentable he is for school.
«Tobio-chan, it's true that I told you to go, but you have time to take a quick shower.»
Kageyama is tempted by revealing the truth, he's undecided because Tōru seems to have woken up in a good mood and yes he is, because he greets his kōhai with an affectionate pinch on his cheek; maybe Oikawa is the only one who can explain what's going on, he's older than him and Tobio trusts him, although paradoxically they aren't close friends.
But when he opens his mouth to speak, Tobio just says goodbye, as if the petals hidden in his pockets had just convinced him to keep the secret.
«When, the next time, Oikawa-san?»
The oldest sighs when he senses the insistence of his dear kōhai; their meetings shouldn't be a constant pledge -they're not together, after all – but Tobio's always been that way since they were kids; Kageyama doesn't know how to let go and Oikawa still has the task of placating his hopes.
«I don't know, I'm busy this week and on the weekend I have a Gōkon with Iwa-chan.»
Tobio would ask him many things: first of all because he feels the need to meet new girls when, in addition to their secret sessions, he is constantly followed by classmates who would pay for an afternoon spent in his company.
Then he tries to justify him, maybe Oikawa's only the organizer of that evening and more than a blind date, it's just a way to help his best friend to meet some pretty girl.
Tōru cannot betray him, Kageyama knows the real reason; he cannot do so simply because they together are nothing and even Tobio, if he want, could seek the company of others.
It's silly because he's not extroverted as Oikawa, it's difficult to talk to others, to express his feelings; along with everything, he must recognize that there isn't in Japan, if not in the whole world, someone like Oikawa Tōru.
Oikawa is many different things: the volleyball player who Tobio's always admired, a great captain, a respectable setter; again, he's the capricious, selfish guy and the Liar; in all this, though, Tobio perceives an uncertainty that others don't see -or ignore- and that brings him hopelessly to be attracted by him.
The rest is worth less than the same Tōru wants to believe; he's cute, yes, also popular, but Kageyama has never been superficial nor a guy looking for a status in the intricate hierarchical society of school.
Maybe for the others he's the loser or the grumpy, but he doesn't care; his life doesn't depend on Oikawa's presence, though he's charmed by him, and it's one of the reason why he didn't tell anyone what's going on between them.
«I'll text you as soon as I have a free night, good luck Tobio-chan.»
He mentions a distracted smile then closes the bathroom door abruptly.
Tobio, in silence, coughs once again and in the palm of his hand appear new blue petals.