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the wind rustled her hair, gracing the back of her neck in a way that still felt strange to her. the tower loomed before her, a needle prodding cottonball clouds tumbling over a blue linen sky. she could see herself in a separate life, blonde hair running along the length of the structure, doubled up like string over her mother's form and rising steadily with rhythmic tugs.
"rapunzel?" eugene asked from afar. she noted his tentative voice immediately.
"yes?" she answered, hoping that her voice would not betray her.
"are you all right doing this?" he'd been watching her, watched her grasp the vines that separated this place from the outside world, watched her root herself to the ground and refuse to go further, watched her eyes grow wide at the sight of what had once been home. when she made no reply, he stepped closer and--hesitating, still shy--reached for her fingers.
"i can go alone, if you need me to," he offered, his voice soft now.
"no," rapunzel blurted, eyes meeting his. she jumped--she remembered. the same word had escaped her days ago, when her mother had attempted to convince her of returning home. mother, mother.
her eyes refocused, and eugene's worried expression came into view. no--she'd done it again. frozen in place, or trembled and trembled and trembled, or gone pale, she didn't know which but it happened again and again these past few days and she couldn't place why. and now eugene's lips were pursed for the hundredth time today. but he wouldn't speak and oh why wouldn't he speak please speak--
"rapunzel." his voice was firm. "this isn't a good idea. we should head back."
"you don't understand," the princess began, but within a moment he had grasped her hand in his own, and her heart fell into a normal rhythm.
"maybe another time, rapunzel, when we've put this past us."
"no," rapunzel said quietly. "let's go."
and like that, her feet were loosed, and she led him to the base of the tower. behind her, she felt eugene halt, and she turned to see him gazing at the looming structure with a furrowed brow.
"what is it?"
he hesitated. "it's a long way up," he said after a moment.
she could have laughed. she hadn't thought of that. but before long eugene had circled the tower and was calling her name.
when she came over he bolted upright, and she saw it--the door jerked off its hinges, and stones in a haphazard pile close by. he held one in his hand, and shifted it behind his back as she rounded the tower. she understood--he hadn't wanted her to see. eyes searching his face, she waited for him to speak, and when he didn't, she stepped towards the door.
"i remember," she started, "when i was young... my hair wasn't long enough for Mother to scale the tower yet. and she'd disappear into the floor and tell me to pray for her, that she was going out where it was dangerous but by the grace of God she'd be kept safe. and when she came home she brought bags of flour and mushrooms and nuts and all sorts of things, and she said, 'by the grace of God--'"
with a gasp she drew her hand away from the door.
"it's just a splinter. don't worry, i can get it," eugene was saying, and again she found her hand in his.
she was struck with the thought that history was repeating itself, that she'd done this before and held his hand and healed and bandaged it, and now here he was holding her hand, and she wondered if the sight of her mother falling backwards over the window ledge would never stop repeating in her mind.
and then a new thought came into her head, and she felt herself grow pale. gazing upwards, she found the window frame high above her and, trembling, traced a path down to the ground. where her mother fell. where her mother was. dust. dust. dust.
"eugene, i can't do this."
he'd been watching her, and at her words squatted and motioned for her to do the same. he took her by the shoulders.
"you aren't feeling well," he said.
rapunzel looked at him incredulously. of course she wasn't. of course not. the past eighteen years she had suffered loneliness and longing but never had she been a prisoner in her own mind. but here she was, light-headed, reeling, heart racing, and thoughts that wouldn't stop no matter how she tried...
and she couldn't stop calling her Mother.
"let's go home."