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He didn’t fear the water or what might lurk within it’s dark, swirling, waves; he was afraid of hypothermia. He was shivering to his bones and couldn’t stop, his teeth rattling in his head, his lungs nearly frozen in his chest making breathing difficult. He panted, his breath misting before him like, so many ghosts taken by the cold. Gotham was a cold, hard place in winter, but the water was far worse. His boots were soaked through, he didn’t even have a proper coat; merely a wool, mid length, gray button down that covered his suit, but not his legs. He had the collar turned up, no gloves and he was soaking wet. His fingertips were blue, gray in tone and he tried to keep his hands wrapped in the lapels of his coat. He coughed, feeling like his chest was cracking into pieces, and he stumbled, cut his knee open on a broken glass bottle lodged in the rocks, cursing as he struggled to his feet from all fours.
He couldn’t stop moving. If he was convinced, he would die. Across the river Gotham loomed, dark and grayer than the winter sky. A cloud layer looked like mist covering the tops of the tallest buildings. He needed to get home, but more than that he needed to survive. He made his way towards the ferry depot on the Michigan side of the harbor, knowing that he didn’t have any money or even his badge on him. Everything had been stripped from him, his badge, his gun, and thus his very identity, but he was going to make it back to Gotham. People gave him wide birth, if not for the fact that he was completely drenched, but because he smelled like the waste drainage pipe he had used to escape to the water.
“Beat it buddy, or I’ll call the cops.” Was the greeting Jim got from the ticket booth attendant.
“I am a cop.” Jim croaked, his teeth still chattering through his words.
“Yeah? And I’m the President of the United States. Now turn around and get outta my face before I call security over!”
Jim didn’t argue and merely turned away, wondering if there were a payphone still operational nearby, and if he had any change to feed it.
“Are you okay, Mister?” Jim looked to see a ten-year-old little girl and her mother staring at him. The girl was concerned, while the mother was dubious about her daughter’s interest in Jim.
“N-no.” Jim swallowed and tried to keep his teeth from clacking. “I need a phone.”
“You can use mine.” The little girl held out her pink, glittering, cell phone, while her mother tried to come up with an excuse to stop the exchange.
“It’s local, and; thank you.” With trembling hands Jim took the phone and dialed the only number he knew he could count on someone answering.
“Bullock.”
“Harvey?”
“Jim? Jim, my god! Where are you? It’s been three days. I have an APB out on you and,”
“I’m on the other side of the Lake.”
Harvey frowned. “In Michigan? Why?”
“Can you come get me? I’m at the Ferry loading dock and a borrowed cell phone.”
“Stay there, I’m coming to get you right now.” Relieved, Jim nodded and uttered a soft acknowledgement. “Hang on Junior. I’m out the freaking door!”
The call severed, and Jim handed the phone back to its owner and thanked her and her mother once more. The little girl smiled, feeling proud that she had done a good deed for the day, and her mother was relieved that the exchange was over, and they were well away from Jim. Jim found a bench to sit on and kept moving his limbs every few seconds to keep his circulation flowing. He attempted to calculate in his mind how long it would take Harvey to reach him through traffic, but he was just too preoccupied with being cold to think properly. He wasn’t certain how much time had passed when he heard his name being called by Harvey’s carrying voice. He struggled to stand, a little stiff and still shaking.
“Jim!” Harvey jogged to him and threw his arms around him, not caring what his best friend smelled like or that anyone was watching them. “You stink like the sewer but boy, am I glad to see you!” He encircled an arm around Jim’s shoulders and steered him in the direction of his illegally parked vehicle. “I rode with the lights spinnin’ the whole way here. Called ahead and let the port authority know I was coming so you wouldn’t get picked up by security, or if you did I could get you outta there fast.” Harvey paused for a few seconds helping Jim right himself when he stumbled in his footsteps. “You are a sight for sore eyes Junior. Don’t you ever go and disappear again on me like this. You hear me?” Jim nodded and tried to apologize but Harvey rescued him from having to speak. “We’ll get you defrosted and warmed up in no time. Get you some of that spicy soup at the Thai place. You love that, right?” Jim shook his head and pushed further into Harvey’s body warmth, not feeling it but wishing too.
In an hour Jim was at Harvey’s apartment, had taken a warm, slowly climbing to hot shower; had astringent and butterfly tape applied to his knee; dressed in warm clothes and curled up on the couch with a blanket. He was sipping egg drop soup and coffee, pressing himself up under Harvey’s arm and burrowing against him. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his eyes were closed. For the first time in days he felt safe; warm and relaxed. Harvey always had that effect on Jim; made him feel secure.
“Want to tell me what happened to you, partner?” Harvey asked carefully, one hand stroking the short hairs at the back of Jim’s head. Jim’s face burrowed into his shoulder a little more and Jim sighed softly.
“There was an arms shipment. I went there alone, and before you say anything, I wasn’t certain anything was going to happen. That the weapons would even be there, so I didn’t ask for back up. Besides, you were off chasing an important lead on the Holder case.”
“Like that makes a difference. I should have been there with you and you know it.”
“Be that as it may,” Jim replied well reprimanded for his stupidity. “I got cornered, taken by the arms dealer and I had to fight my way out. It took some time, a lot of luck and some tactical strategy.”
Harvey exhaled heavily and rested his cheek upon Jim’s head. “Tell me about your death wish again? Because obviously you’re the only one that remembers it every time you walk out the door. See, I always believe that you’ve learned your lessen and will trust in the process, and your partner; from now on.” Harvey’s hand stilled and lowered to hang over Jim’s chest. “Shows you what I know, right?”
“I’m sorry, Harv.”
“Bullshit.”
“I can’t help it. I just don’t want anyone else getting hurt because of me. Especially you.”
“Thanks Junior; but I’m a big boy and a cop. It’s my job to run towards the danger you know? And I might not look like much, but I do have some tactical and strategic experience under my belt. I also know how to stand and fight. I can be of use to you once and a while, you understand, that right?”
Jim allowed one of his arms to reach across Harvey’s torso and he embraced him. “There’s no one else I trust with my life more than I do you.”
“So, you leave me behind where I can’t protect you?”
“At least I know you’re safe.”
Harvey placed a kiss upon the crown of Jim’s head. “You really gotta get over this hero complex, Junior. I don’t want you dying for me.”
“And I don’t want you dying period.” The words were out there and hung in the atmosphere between them as neither male said anything for a time. Jim merely hugged Harvey in silence.
“I didn’t sleep the last seventy-two hours either. I was too busy going out of my head trying to find you. So, take me with you next time. That way if I’m gonna die it’ll be from a bullet and not stress.”
“Please don’t say things like that, Harvey.”
“Then make me a promise.”
“I can’t.”
“Then just tell me you love me or some other appreciative,”
“I love you!” Jim interrupted abruptly. He took a deep breath and more calmly stated, “I love you.”
Harvey smiled tenderly and kissed the crown of Jim’s head once more. “Right back at ya.” Harvey knew if he said the words back he would give away too much of his emotions and Jim would know just how much he was in love with the younger detective.
They remained on the couch and talked for a while until Jim drifted off to sleep. Harvey changed their positions and followed him quickly over in to unconsciousness. When Jim woke up several hours later the room was dark, and he was practically laying on Harvey, who was sound asleep snoring softly. Jim moved Harvey’s head a little and the snoring ceased. Jim then lay his head back down upon Harvey’s chest and rubbed his cheek against him gently. He had been dreaming of his escape and his heart was beating quickly and he sought to calm himself by inhaling Harvey’s scent and feel his solid body beneath him. Jim listened to the rhythm of Harvey’s heartbeat and closed his eyes once more. He had spent the last three days as Harvey had, full of adrenaline, worry, ruled by fight or flight instinct and fear. If Harvey could sleep finally so could Jim, even though he had to work harder at it. Their previous conversation rolled back through his mind and the words he had said to his friend; I love you. Jim was beginning to wonder if he meant more than just the familiar love of a brother and best friend and more of something akin to romantic affection.
Whatever he felt, he knew he would do anything to protect Harvey, at whatever cost it might be to his own safety Jim would gladly pay the price. He already had begun to do so. The beginning had been assuming Harvey’s debt to Falcone over Jim’s release from Blackgate. It was because of him that Harvey had ever had to make that deal in the first place, and it was not upon the Irishman’s shoulders to pay. Jim knew what it meant to be indebted to Crime bosses like Falcone; he had seen it enough times in the eyes of his fellow officers at the GCPD headquarters. He wanted Harvey to be free of debt; to win his integrity back as he so desperately needed Harvey to be ‘good’. Therefore, Jim had taken on the debt, and the stress of handling not one crime boos in Penguin but now Falcone. Jim was determined to balance what he owed with his crusade for a better Gotham. He had killed Galivan and this was his penance: Penguin and Falcone. Harvey held other debts on his conscious that he was responsible for; Jim owned all that was his own and nothing less. Jim tightened his arm around Harvey and released a breath he had been holding.
Safe. Whatever the cost, he would keep Harvey safe from harm. Jim nestled his cheek further against Harvey’s chest, rubbing gently back and forth before settling in once more.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. Yet it was for the best where both of them were concerned. At least, in Jim’s way of thinking. “I love you.” Jim exhaled a strong breath and closed his eyes once more to sleep.
Hours later when Harvey awoke he was stiff and his right leg was almost completely asleep. Jim was heavy but the fact that the younger male was sprawled across him was a sensation that Harvey wouldn’t trade for the world. If he could just lie still for a few more minutes he could lose himself in the fantasy that he and Jim were lovers and had fallen asleep on the couch before waking to go to bed. He wondered if he could convince Jim to spend the rest of the night in his bed not sexually but just to sleep. Jim was stubborn and a little old fashioned in some ways and would probably balk and insist that he sleep upon the couch being Harvey’s guest. Never mind that they were currently intertwined and inseparable.
“Jim?” Harvey said softly as he rubbed a hand down his partner’s back. “Jim? Can you wake up a bit please?” Jim mumbled and burrowed further against Harvey’s torso. “No, Junior. That’s the opposite of what I asked. Come on now.”
Jim groaned and reluctantly opened his eyes and gazed up at Harvey with a sleepy grin. He pushed forward a little and nuzzled against the soft warmth of Harvey’s beard, murmuring pleased little sounds before settling his head back upon Harvey’s shoulder. Smirking he closed his eyes once more, unaware of Harvey’s frozen expression of surprise.
Had Jim just nuzzled him? Harvey’s heart flinched in pain and he could never have Jim the way he wanted, and he swallowed. “Okay sleepy pants.” He nudged Jim. “It’s late, I wanna go to bed and I can’t with you on top of me.”
“M-no.”
“Tell you what, you can come with me and we’ll share the bed. But this couch? Not the most comfortable for two.”
Jim sighed plaintively and began to slowly extricate himself from Harvey and rose to stand. He wrapped the blanket around himself and shivered a little. “Fine. We’ll go to bed.” He yawned as if to press the issue and waited for Harvey to get up, so he could follow him into the bedroom. Within a few minutes Harvey had changed into his sleeping clothes and climbed into bed, Jim instantly pressed against him. Harvey pulled the covers over both of them; including Jim’s blanket; and cuddled against his guest.
“See? That’s much better, yeah?” Jim mumbled something vaguely affirmative as the two prepared to fall asleep, Harvey smiling to himself. Jim had nuzzled him and was now cuddled close once more. Harvey was happy, as the fantasies erupted once more lulling him into unconsciousness.
In the morning Jim was ravenous and while he ate, Harvey stopped by Jim’s apartment to get him some fresh clothes and toiletries. He brought a bag back with enough clothing in it to last several days and a few suits for work. He was thankful that Jim didn’t question his kindness, or the length at which he assumed Jim would be staying with him. He was even more grateful that Jim appeared to be amicable to staying at his apartment and not return home for now. The gentle smile of thanks Jim offered him in return for his errand running on his behalf was more than worth the effort expended to Harvey. He liked seeing that while he was gone that Jim had eaten a large breakfast and looked sated and his complexion normal. The previous day had frightened him a little and he enjoyed the feeling that he had something to do with Jim’s full recovery.
For now, they were together and that’s all that mattered.