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Harry squeezed Niall’s shoulder tightly. All of them were sad that a funeral was the reason they had to come back together again finally, but he seemed to be the one taking it the hardest. All of them were feeling the loss, though.
In a town like theirs, a group of five boys with big dreams wasn’t unusual. The tiny population snuggled into the Appalachian foothills of southern Ohio was used to the kids dreaming of leaving and making names for themselves elsewhere. Those dreams were rarely realized, though, and most stayed there. If people were lucky they got a degree from the community college nearby then came back to work in the paper mill in some way, and they tended to live a decent life.
Harry and his four best friends always knew that wasn’t for them, though, and Mrs. Barkley seemed to recognize it in them as well. From the time she met them as unruly and hyper twelve year olds in middle school, she took them under her wing. She’d breathed color and hope into their dreams, helped them realize that they could actually go out and attain them. When everyone else was telling them to be realistic and see that their future was just like everyone else’s, she taught them how to do what they needed to in order to get out of their beautiful, homely, loving town.
If it wasn’t for Mrs. Barkley, Liam probably would never have even graduated high school. Niall wouldn’t have realized his love of music theory and teaching. Zayn wouldn’t have learned that he could take his art and actually find a way to make a living by helping underprivileged kids use it for self expression, all while keeping them off the streets. Louis probably wouldn’t have realized that his mom and step-dad could take care of his sisters without him, even if it meant doing it as divorced parents and not a single household. And Harry? Well. Harry would never have come to trust himself or learned that he knew what he needed more than even his mom.
And now, the woman who had taught all of them these important lessons, amongst countless others, the woman who had never failed to send them birthday cards no matter where they were scattered around the country, the woman they’d call in addition to their moms on Mother’s Day, she was gone.
Niall tucked his head into Harry’s shoulder, and Louis made eye contact with Harry from across the aisle. He was sitting with his family, but Harry could see that he needed Harry just as much as Niall did, if not more. Louis was always the giver in his family, the one others could rely on for hugs and support, but Harry was the one who supported Louis and made sure he also had what he needed.
Harry looked to his left and saw Zayn and Liam with their hands woven together, leaning into each other as they quietly cried. He was so glad they’d finally worked things out after a couple years of college. They’d been circling each other ever since Sophomore year in High School and were the only two in the entire group to attend the same university. Ever since they realized they both felt the same way towards each other, they’d been inseparable.
The funeral ended and the organ began to play, everyone standing in their seats, and the boys all moved to take their places as pallbearers alongside Mrs. Barkley’s own biological sons. Together, they all took her to her final resting place.
*~~***~~*
“Where’s Lou?” Zayn asked as he plopped down beside Harry at Bill’s Tavern.
“Dunno. Said he’d be a little late, but that he’d be here,” Harry replied as he stood and gave Zayn another hug. They were seated beside each other at the funeral, but all of them had been distracted by grief and not given proper hellos, even though it had been at least six years since all five of them had been together at the same time.
As Harry was enveloped by Zayn’s slender frame, he breathed in his soothing scent of sandalwood and smoke. They squeezed each other tightly, before patting each other on the back and pulling away. Harry then moved around Zayn to grab Liam in an even tighter hug, if possible.
“God, H. We’ve missed you, so much.”
Harry nodded and swallowed back his tears yet another time. He was going to break at some point, but he wasn’t ready to yet. “Me too, Li. You two live too far away.”
Niall returned from the bar with four pints and slid into a chair. “Heya, Fuckers. You too West Coast to say hi properly anymore?”
Zayn rolled his eyes and Liam immediately tackled Niall from his own chair, sending them both to the ground.
“Fucking cunt! I hate you! We’re too old for that kind of shit anymore, Liam! My hips can’t take that anymore!”
Harry heard Liam giggle from the floor and Zayn whispered, “Idiots.”
“We’re only thirty-two, Niall. I take offense to you saying we’re too old for anything.”
Harry turned behind him and saw Louis standing with a smirk and his hip popped. God. He might be thirty-two now, but Harry swore he never stopped looking better with age.
“Wait, why are there only four beers?” Louis squawked. “I told Harry I’d be here!”
Niall huffed as he stood up and dusted himself off. “I only got four because we weren’t sure when you’d get here and I didn’t want your beer to have gone warm and flat if you were gonna be another hour or so. Now come here, you fucker, and give me a hug.”
“Niall. Please tell me you don’t use this kind of language when talking to your clients,” Harry said with a laugh. “I’m sure your manager doesn’t appreciate having to issue apologies for your foul mouth.”
“God, stop attacking me!” Niall said as he stomped back to the bar, probably to get Louis his pint.
They all chuckled and Louis wrapped his arm around Harry. “Come on. He lives in New York. You know they use language in a different way than they do in the bustling city of Indianapolis.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Harry said. He almost corrected Louis, told him he was moving back to Ohio because he had been offered a job teaching music therapy at a private academy for early intervention in Columbus, but he wasn’t ready to broach that topic. Not yet. He wasn’t ready to think about the real reason he’d been searching for jobs in Columbus for so long and why he’d accepted without even looking at housing options. It was just...he wasn’t ready yet.
Louis squeezed Harry’s shoulder and Harry could feel his gaze. “I’ve missed you, Harry. We don’t talk enough.”
Harry nodded. “I know.”
“Okay, fuckers. Let’s dedicate this first round to Mrs. Barkley and the fact that we wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without her.”
They all raised their glasses and clinked them together, yelling, “Cheers!” before taking long drinks.
“Oh, you got the good stuff!” Liam said, impressed.
“Course I did,” Niall scoffed. “After New York, even the nicest beer here feels cheap.”
They all laughed, and fell into easy conversation, like they always had. They reminisced about all the stupid shit they’d done and the scars they’d gotten from various dares gone wrong. They laughed and drank and retold the same stories they always did. It had been so long since they’d been able to enjoy each other like this, and Harry was so happy that while the circumstances to bring it about were sad, they had this opportunity all the same.
They were spread across the country living their own lives, but they were all so connected to each other still, thanks to this little village. Their names were carved into a tree in Zayn’s parent’s backyard, Liam’s name was still on the All State Wrestling plaque in the High School foyer. All of them had left their marks in small ways across the land and buildings, and the memories they had built doing these things had moulded all of them as well in similar ways. They all left, but a part of them would always be in this town.
When Bill’s closed at midnight, just like it always had, the boys stopped by the Circle K that had recently taken over the old gas station market to grab a pack of beer before they headed up to the top of their hill where they used to spend all of their summer nights together.
“God, remember when we were in fourth grade and Zayn tried running away, but he only made it as far as our hill?” Louis said, giggling. “We all thought we were being so sneaky, but our moms were helping us pack our bags to hike our way to...where were we wanting to go? Wheeling?”
Liam started laughing so hard his eyes were squinted shut and he tripped on a stick. Zayn reached over to steady him before smacking him upside the head.
“Wheeling was the closest big city we knew of. How were we supposed to know at the age of ten or whatever that it wasn’t really a big city?”
Harry laughed along and shook his head. He still had a scar on his left calf from when they’d been roughhousing that night and their plans had been ruined due to the fact a branch broke and dug into his leg, causing him to bleed more than any of them had ever seen before. Zayn and Louis had rushed to Louis’ mom and she’d come up prepared for him to lose a leg, but all he’d needed was a good cleaning and some stitches. All the same, the scar was still four inches long, and the boys had decided Harry deserved to sleep in a bed while the rest of them apologized by sleeping on the floor around him. It was still one of Harry’s favorite memories of all of them.
They reached the top of the hill, and looked at the other rolling hills covered in trees surrounding them. The moon was bright enough that they couldn’t see all the details, but they could still clearly see their surroundings, and it was gorgeous.
“We were so lucky to grow up here,” Niall said quietly. “We were so lucky to have each other.”
They all settled down, pulled out a beer, and drank in silence for a bit. Harry’s mind ran over the sepia toned memories they’d all been a part of and sat in wonder. It didn’t matter where they all ended up, how often they were able to actually talk, how different their lives became. Over the past almost fifteen years they had all grown in very different directions...and that was okay. They still had this, the town, their history, all of it, tying them together. They were indelibly linked and somehow, when it really mattered, they would all find their way back to this place.
Time passed slowly as they basked in each other’s presences, but eventually it did have to end.
Niall was the first to leave. He had only been able to get two days off of work, and he had to leave to make his drive to the airport first thing. Zayn and Liam stayed another hour or so before leaving as well, saying they wanted to keep a somewhat normal sleep schedule, to not be too messed up once they got back to Seattle.
It looked like Louis was getting up to leave as well, so Harry took a chance and grabbed Louis’ arm. Gently rubbing his thumb over the soft skin of Louis’ wrist, Harry avoided his gaze as he said, “Please stay a little longer with me. My favorite conversations with you were always the ones we had in the early morning hours after all the others had fallen asleep.”
Harry imagined Louis smiled fondly as he settled back and Harry finally took the chance to look at him.
“We should try to see each other more often, Haz.” Louis was back beside Harry, head propped up on his arms, looking at what stars he could see despite the bright moon tonight.
“Well that’s looking like it’s gonna be a lot easier here in a couple weeks.”
Louis’ head whipped to the side and his eyes shone in the moonlight as he looked at Harry. “What’s that mean?” Louis sat up and turned so he was facing Harry before kicking at Harry’s legs so he’d sit up too. “Harry Edward, tell me what you mean!”
Harry pushed Louis’ feet away from him. He wasn’t kicking hard enough to bruise, but it still hurt when he was doing it in the same place repeatedly. “Fucking stop that,” Harry grunted. He finally sat up and heaved a sigh.
He got himself situated and then looked up at Louis again. His brows were arched and Harry could practically feel the sassy vibes emanating from him. He was impressed Louis was holding off on saying anything more, really.
“I...might have accepted a job at Bridgeway Academy.”
Louis’ eyes widened and his jaw went slack. “Harry. Don’t tease me. Are you saying you’re going to be moving to Columbus?”
“I kinda start in three weeks, so yeah. I’ll be moving here soon.”
Louis leaned forward and they got tangled in each other as limbs got stuck in awkward positions and Louis pushed Harry to the ground in a fumbled embrace.
“God, Haz, I don’t think I can tell you how happy I am.”
Harry didn’t need him to. He was fairly certain he was feeling the same way. “Lou, I love you, but my leg kinda hurts how it’s twisted.”
Louis rolled off and Harry tried to straighten out his legs without kneeing him in the groin. That would be a really bad precursor to the conversation Harry felt like he needed to have with his best friend.
“Louis? I was kinda thinking, when I get to Columbus, maybe I could take you on a date.”
Harry watched Louis’ face for clues, but the moon had just gone behind a cloud, so he was lucky to see the outlines of him.
“You want that? To take me out?”
Harry chuckled. “I’ve wanted to for almost twenty years now. It just took me a long time to get the fucking guts for it.” Louis stayed quiet and Harry got more nervous as time went on. “Don’t leave me hanging. It’s okay if you don’t want to, I just was really hoping you might want to give it a try since the guys have been trying to convince me to do this for ages and-”
Louis cut Harry off by an angry protestation of, “What!”
Harry chuckled and leaned his head forward so his forehead was against Louis’ chest. It was his space and had been since they were seven and Harry broke his arm after Louis convinced him to try to jump off a swing. “Haven’t they been doing the same to you? They’ve been egging me on to ask you out since junior year.”
“Fucking meddlers!” Louis said, wrapping his arms comfortably around Harry. “They didn’t bother me because I kept swearing to them I’d do it on my own time.”
Harry froze. “Wait, really?”
He felt Louis nod and butterflies erupted in his belly. “I’ve loved you since I met you, Styles. I always knew we’d end up together, I just couldn’t get my head out of my ass to actually do it. Felt like I was holding you back or something.”
Harry pinched Louis’ side and burrowed closer as Louis tried to pull back with a surprised squawk. “Never holding me back. Never.”
“So you really wanna do this too?” Louis asked. Harry could hear the surprise, awe, and nervousness in his voice.
Harry loved that voice. It was the soundtrack to his growing up and he wanted it to continue to be one of the most important, if not the most important, voices in his life as he grew older.
“I definitely want to.”
“Alright, babe. Let’s get back to your mom’s house and we can work out details for your move. My landlord won’t mind another tennant, thank fuck.”
Harry chuckled as they both stumbled and got up. They were only slightly buzzed since it had been a few hours and the alcohol had mostly worked it’s way out of their systems, but that was the only excuse he really had for why what Louis had said took so long to process.
“Wait, what about your landlord?”
Louis stopped suddenly enough that Harry walked into him, having to steady himself by reaching up and gripping Louis’ elbow and hip. God, if Louis let him, Harry never wanted to stop touching him. His warm skin beneath Harry’s hands was making him remember all of his desires he’d been trying to bury for a very long time and that was dangerous.
“I’m assuming you were doing things in your usual Harry fashion and you don’t have a place to live yet, right?”
Harry started walking when Louis started walking and the moon suddenly came out from behind the clouds again, lighting their path perfectly.
“Usual Harry fashion? Rude. I always end up getting things into place in plenty of time!”
Louis scoffed. “Sure. If plenty of time means at last second and sometimes with the shittiest place to live forty minutes out from work, yeah.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “That was one time over seven years ago now!” Harry argued. It really was. He was older now and knew much better than to just go with the cheapest option available in a city he knew nothing about.
“Yeah, but you still don’t have a place to live and you start work in a few weeks, right?”
Harry remained silent. Louis was going to win this argument and Harry hated when that happened.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You can just move in with me. I only live about fifteen minutes away from Bridgeway anyway and you don’t need to get on the freeway during rush hour either, which is fucking important when we’re talking about the north side of Columbus. It’s a mess up there.”
Harry laughed. “So why do you live there?”
“So I don’t have to get on the freeway during rush hour to get to work! Haven’t you been listening to me? I did that for two years and that was long enough, thank you.”
They emerged from the trees and started the peaceful walk through the town, silence only kept at bay due to the sound of their footsteps and the cicadas that hadn’t quite died off yet.
“You’re okay with that, though, right? Moving in with me? I know I just assumed, but we’ve never actually officially lived together and now we’re gonna try dating and everything…”
Harry reached out and grabbed Louis’ hand, not giving Louis a choice in the matter before slotting their fingers together. “Yeah. I’m okay with that. It’s you, I know things will be fine.”
The walk to Harry’s mom’s house was quiet, except for when they passed the cemetery. Mrs. Barkley’s grave was easily found, the mound of fresh dirt making it stand out.
“I’ll never forget you,” Louis whispered. “Whenever I’m home, I don’t think I’ll be able to help but to look for your face around town.”
“Me too,” Harry said. “Love you, Mrs. B.”
Louis squeezed his hand, and they continued on their way. The sky was beginning to lighten, the new day about to begin. Harry looked over at his best friend, his maybe something more, and knew he didn’t want to forget these feelings and his history. Hopefully he never would.