Work Text:
The third years were together on the rooftop talking about the usual topics—volleyball, manga, homework, girls, boys, and inevitably, Mattsun and Hanamaki turned the conversation towards sex.
“So,” Hanamaki started, pointing his chopsticks at Oikawa and Iwaizumi, “you two have been dating for what, f–”
“Forever,” Mattsun cut in, and they both laughed. Hanamaki took another bite of his lunch while Iwaizumi glared at them both.
“Very funny,” Iwaizumi deadpanned at the same time Oikawa said “Five years!” in his typically cheery voice.
“Jesus,” Hanamaki breathed.
“So like, how do you keep it fresh?” Mattsun asked.
Oikawa cocked his head to one side. “What do you mean?”
“You know,” Hanamaki made an obscene gesture with his hands, “sex stuff.”
Oikawa and Iwaizumi blushed and looked at their laps.
“None of your business,” Iwaizumi muttered.
“Come on! You guys have to be doing some kinky shit. You’ve been together forever,” Hanamaki said.
“At the least you had to have tried handcuffs by now,” Mattsun added. Oikawa and Iwaizumi both turned an even darker shade of red.
“Guys—no. We don’t—stop. I really don’t want to be talking about our sex lives with you two, of all people,” Oikawa told them. “Let’s get back to talking about the math homework.”
The attempt to change the subject was unsuccessful.
“You can’t be serious,” Mattsun said, eyes widening. “You can’t tell me that you have never done anything kinky in the five years you’ve been together.”
Hanamaki cracked up and slapped his knee. “Oh my god, out of all of us I thought they would be the kinky ones. I can’t believe it.”
“We don’t… Need to… We like it the way we’ve always done it,” Iwaizumi said quietly, still bright red.
“Iwa-chan! Don’t give them more info then they need to know!” Oikawa reprimanded. Iwaizumi muttered a quick apology.
“And what position is that?” Mattsun wiggled his eyebrows up and down.
“Missionary. It has to be missionary,” Hanamaki answered. Judging by how both Oikawa and Iwaizumi were avoiding their gazes, Hanamaki knew he was right.
“I can’t believe it! Our best friends, only ever using missionary. You guys are missing out,” Mattsun said through a bite of his lunch.
“I like—well, we like to… to see each other’s faces…” Oikawa said to the ground.
“Now who’s giving out unnecessary information?” Iwaizumi whispered harshly. Oikawa just kept looking down.
“Alright, I admit that is kind of cute,” Mattsun said, “But wow. What an informative lunch we’ve had today.”
“I know!” Hanamaki interjected, “We got the answers to the English worksheet, found out Watari likes Miyoshi-chan in our year, and learned Iwaizumi and Oikawa have an incredibly vanilla sex life. Wow!”
“You guys are the worst,” Oikawa snapped, cleaning up his bento and grabbing Iwaizumi’s arm. “We are leaving and never—never— talking about this again.” He sent them the most fearsome glare they had ever seen.
“Yes captain,” they saluted as Iwaizumi and Oikawa left the rooftop to go who knows where.