Chapter Text
Soulmates were such a beautiful thing. That's what they all say. When you were born in this world, you had a mate. Someone who is made for you, who'll love you with all his soul and you'll love him just as much.
That's what they all say.
When you grow up, you feel these emotions, fear, happiness but they are not yours. When your soulmate experiences a strong feeling, the bond between you two makes you feel what he is feeling. And it goes both ways, if you're being emotional he'll also feel it. The bond makes it easier to understand each other, and one could use to bond to soothe the other.
Nothing is more special and precious than the connection you have with your soulmate. That was what they all said.
Raphael Santiago hated these stories.
Each time he heard stories about soulmates, he felt his gut twisting, a throbbing pain in his chest and it wasn't because of that 'oh so special' bond.
It was because he was broken.
He never, ever, felt any of those ghost-like feelings others would feel. When he was five, everyone told him it was because he probably wasn't born or too young. He would sigh but not loose hope. His mother would hug him and sing softly to him, to make him forget the hole in his chest. Soon the bond will be created and they would know that they're there for one another. Wherever they are.
At ten years old, he thought his soulmate was dead and he cried. He cried all night, saying it wasn't fair ! It wasn't fair that he couldn't have the feeling of a special someone to love. His mother tried to comfort him, confused that her son didn't feel anything when the twins, the little brothers that were six at that time, were experiencing it. Guadalupe Santiago took him to the doctor of their town. Asking him if he ever had witness such a thing. Normally, if your soulmate died when you were young and you haven't met him and strenghened the bond, you'll find another soulmate waiting for you. It was painful but a new bond was created. There have never been such a case like her son. The doctor then came to a conclusion that ended any hope in Raphael's heart.
He never had a soulmate and never will. He was an exception, a rare element, that couldn't create a bond with another being. It was the only explanation to it.
That night, he didn't cry. He just whispered a « It's not fair... » in his mother's arms who was crying for him.
When he was fifteen, hearing all the others talking about their bond, what it felt like, made him sick. Some of them had even meet their soulmates and never seemed happier. Well sure, they bickered and had their bad moments like everyone but the care in one's eye when he felt his partner sad was sickening to Raphael.
Why didn't he get that chance ?
He meet Magnus at sixteen. Magnus who was the exact opposite of him. Always laughing and talking to people, covered in colors and and sparkly rings. It was a surprise when they became friends, the grumpy and the glittery. By being friends with Magnus, Raphael got to make a few more friends but he always mainly stayed with Magnus.
His friend also had a problem with his soulmate connection. He felt the bond stronger than most people did. It was also extremely rare and it wasn't something nice. He would gasp in the middle of the class, tearing up, hand clentching on his chest. Raphael would run up to him and took him somewhere quieter, so he could deal with it without turning into a show for the others staring at them.
It was one day, when he was hanging at Magnus's that he realized how much it burdened him.
«They hate me... »
Raphael splashed some water on his face before turning towards his friend. Magnus was sitting on the sink, smoking a cigarette, a habit he shared with Raphael but unlike the latino he wasn't scared that his mama found him. They did that a lot: going to one's house, chatting about the latest gossip, smoking and or sometimes, when Raphael was in a good mood, Magnus would put some special make-up of his on Raphael. Raphael frowned at him and took the cigarette from his hand. He felt like he was going to need this as well.
« Why do you think so? You haven't meet them yet. » he took a drag, leaning next to him.
« I just do. Each time it's me who's having a 'strong emotion' I can feel my soulmate freaking out. Sometime they try to mute the bond. If they could break it I bet they would. »
His voice broke at the end. Raphael stepped in front of his friend and pulled him in his arms. He felt his friend sniffed in his shirt and he resisted the snarky comment that was rising in his throat. Now was not the time for thinking about his shirt.
« They don't know you yet. When they'll see how much of a wonderful, caring... glittery, », Magnus chuckles at that, « person you are they'll see how lucky they are. Until then, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. »
The muffled 'thanks' in his shoulder made him smile and he squeezed his friend tighter.
« Sometimes... It's just hard you know ? Each time they try to mute it... It makes me feel so alone.
« I know. » the latino sighed. « I know. »
That night, as he was falling into slumber he cursed Magnus's soulmate. They didn't deserve such a man like his friend. Magnus had been there and offered support to Raphael the second they had meet. He was caring and didn't consider him broken like most of people aware of his 'soulmate-less' situation. Someone as nice as him shouldn't go through this. That thought made him realize another.
He didn't have a soulmate... Maybe it was because he didn't deserve one ?
He was twenty-two when Rosa, his sweet little sister, said at a family dinner that she had met her soulmate. The twins clapped at her, started singing and teasing her while she blushed furiously and asked them to stop. Guadalupe smiled and congratulated her but, under the table it was Raphael's hand that she was squeezing.
He got used to this feeling. The emptiness he had. He wasn't alone, he had his friend and family by his side. As long as there were happy, so was he. He didn't need a soulmate.
That was he said.
« You're free tonight ? »
« Sure! I'm going to this pub with Maïa and Cat! Maïa's friend will also be there, so more fun! »
« Yeah... People and social interaction. My favorite. » he snorted.
He was outside, sitting on the porch of his house. He would have killed for a smoke but he knew his mother would come to check on him and he didn't need her rebrobating look. Not right now.
« You okay my grumpy cat ? » Raphael groaned at the nickname. « I thought you were at a family dinner.
« Rosa has found her soulmate. »
« Oh Raphael... »
« I don't want to talk about it. »
« Of course, I'll pick you up. »
He didn't need a soulmate. He wasn't alone. He didn't need one.
« What's with the name? » Raphael asked as he looked at the poster behind Maïa. She was the bartender of the Hunter's Wolf and a good friend to tease Magnus with. (Ragnor was N°1 but she was close to it as well.)
« Rock Solid Panda? It think it's cute. Like, it's a cute panda who's trying to be cool? I think I'll like it. » Mangus smiled and downed his drink. « You sure you don't want to drink? »
« I'm driving tonight Mags. You always exaggerate with the alcohol. »
« No I do not ! » he turned towards Maïa who just smriked. « I do not. Be my witness. »
« You do. But we love yany wayway you know that. »
Magnus pouted and lifted his head high, sulking.
« You don't deserve to be my friends. »
Raphael rolled his eyes before asking for a drink. The band supposed to play tonight were friends of Maïa's. He never really hang with them; he prefered to follow Magnus and Ragnor's shitty ideas. He would be the first in line to see how catastrophic they could turn a simple situation and never felt guilty when he pretended not to know them.
He turned around to watch the stage. A few teenagers, probably freshly out of high school were settling and according their instruments. He hoped they were good, he needed something to lift up his mood, not to worsen it.
Just at that moment someone bumped into him, making him spill his drink all over his jacket. Okay, so when I said that I didn't mean this. He cursed and turned towards the guy who had paled when he realized what he had done.
The boy was cute, glasses falling off his nose and he did seem very sorry about the incident. That didn't stop Raphael from glaring with all his glare power (like Catarina liked to call it) at him.
« Dude, I am so sorry! I'm looking for my friend to deal with the lights and he still isn't there so I rushed and I didn't see you. I'll buy a new drink if you want! I don't know if I can pay back for the jacket though... It looks too expensive and I still need to pay my rent, I mean, I'm just a student-
« Just... » he lifted a hand to stop the guy and sighed. God, that boy was a ball of anxiety. He felt that if he snapped at him he would start to cry. « Just go catch your friend. You can't ruin my day any more than that. »
« Don't challenge me. I could... » he mumbled. « It wouldn't be intentional but- I-I'm just gonna go ! »
He ran off in the crowd and Raphael just ignored Maïa's pat on the shoulder. He was going to have a bit of alcohol after all.