Chapter Text
Yoongi stared blankly at his living room window. The space was empty, cold, dim, forgotten. The man pulled his blanket up closer to his nose, mixing this soft fabric with his tears. He remembered buying this place two years ago. His boyfriend admiring the ceiling to floor window and instantly telling Yoongi that," We need this one!" Yoongi had laughed and promised him that they would get it. His entire apartment was dark, even though it was midday. It had been dark for a few weeks now. His closest friend, Namjoon, and his boyfriend, Seokjin, had tried to come over. Had tried to open everything up, make Yoongi feel better. It hadn’t worked, and now he felt even more depressed.
A few days after that Hoseok had shown up, telling him to get out of his apartment, go sightseeing with him, go see his mother, anything. Yoongi didn’t move. Yoongi didn’t even look at the man. He was too scared too, he was afraid he would cry. He just sat in silence, staring at the teddy-bear brown curtains.
Jimin had first called them that. Teddy-bear brown. He said that it reminded him of his bear, when he was younger. After a few minutes had past- at least, that’s what Yoongi had thought- Hoseok, not being able to take being ignored for long stormed out of his apartment, telling Yoongi he’d show up sometime later.
He never did.
Yoongi didn’t expect him too.
After sitting slumped on the couch for the entire day, he’d move to his bed. Where he didn’t sleep, and he’d just stare at the empty space on the wall, where a picture of them used to hang. A picture Seokjin had taken.
Of Him.
Him…
Oh god how he missed him.
Yoongi would then crawl into a ball and cry. He’d cry for hours after that, slowly falling into a sleep. He’d dream of nothing, just the deep black void. That’s all he ever saw now, a void. That’s all he felt too. A void. There was void in his heart and there wasn’t anything that could fix it.
Scientists had tried for years to figure out ways to stop the emotional and physical pain one had when their soulmate died. It just wasn’t possible, no one wanted to try. In the end, the patients knew they would die anyway, and left it like that. They simply didn’t want to stop their hurt, it reminded them of their other half. And it didn’t just happen to soulmates that had met and bonded. Oh no, it happened to soul mates who’d never even seen the other, never talked to each other. Never had touched the other.
The moment your soulmate would die, you would feel it too. You would feel all the pain they had when they got killed, and you would know how it would happen. Soon after, something the scientists had dubbed,” The Amor Mors Phenomenon.”, the soulmate who had not died, would mysteriously disappear. No one quite knew if they died, but that’s what they were pretty sure they did.
Scientists who had locked Amor Mors Patients in rooms with 24/7 monitoring had watched as the patient would turn to explode and turn to dust. Not a single trace left, not even a scorch mark. It had baffled them, when they had first tried it. Now there were thousand of tests and videos and everything you could possibly imagine about the phenomenon.
How did Yoongi know this?
He worked for the industry. He’d performed some of the tests himself, he’d watched as the patient had turned to sparkling silver dust. He’d listened as his colleagues had screamed and ran towards the chamber. But all Yoongi had done at the time was stare at the chair that the patient had been near when they’d… they’d combusted.
There was something odd about that day as well. The patient, who was named Kim Taehyung, had stood up and turned around, looking up with this odd sort of love in his eyes. Taehyung had turned around and reached out a hand and, this was something only Yoongi had seen, touched thin air. But, when he touched thin air, his finger had started to glow and then, poof. Yoongi says poof, because there was actually no sound. It was just Taehyung, then no Taehyung.
Yoongi had known Taehyung, and his soulmate. It was an incredibly depressing story, especially because Yoongi had known the entire story. From beginning to end.
Taehyung’s soulmate had been Yoongi’s little brother, Jeon Jungkook.
Yoongi was shaken back to his current reality, however sad it was, by a knock on his bedroom door. He rolled over, staring at the door. The person in questioned has barged in, revealing to Yoongi the smell of pie and cologne. Before he’d even fully focused on the person he’d known who it was. It was Seokjin.
Seokjin always smelled like pie, that's one of the reasons Namjoon said he loved him. Everyone had laughed it off but when Yoongi had asked Namjoon if he really had meant it, Namjoon had shyly nodded and walked away, his face bright red.
“Yoongi.” Seokjin’s voice bursted him out of his thoughts, again.
Yoongi nodded, acknowledging the fact Jin was talking to him.
“It’s time to go… Ji- he would want you too. You didn’t even go to the funeral Yoongi.”
A nod, again.
“Come on. Are you dressed?”
A nod.
“Alright, get up, do you need help?”
Yoongi shook his head and got up, looking at Jin and trying to keep his eyes off of the walls.
Even they had memories.
Yoongi sat silently in the car, they’d stopped by the flower shop that he used to go to buy him flowers. He hated it, when he’d walked in the employees had smiled and asked how his boyfriend was doing before they saw Yoongi grab a bouquet of Lilies, Roses and Orchids. Their smiled had all faded and they’d stared at Yoongi with this ridiculous look on their faces. Not wanting to deal with it all Yoongi shoved the flowers into Seokjin’s hands and he ran out the door, his eyes starting to water.
As Yoongi left the building he could hear Seokjin whisper to the owners,” He’s probably never going to come back… I’m sorry he didn’t say goodbye.”
It hit Yoongi.
It hit him like a train.
After Yoongi visited his grave, he was going to the testing facility. He was going to spontaneously combust, he was going to die. He was never going to visit one of the many beaches or parks or random shops along the streets with his loved ones.
This was Yoongi’s last day on Earth, the last day he could walk around freely, not confined to a stark, brightly light confinement. A confinement where scientists, just like him, would take tests on him. That was his fate. And you know what he was going to do about it? He was going to accept it. He was going to take the train laying down.
Yoongi wasn’t going to fight, he didn’t have the strength too, He didn’t want too. So Yoongi sat silently in the car, watching Jin come back out with the beautifully depressing bouquet. The older got into the car, handed the bouquet to him and drove on. It left Yoongi back with his thoughts. His thoughts about Jungkook.
When Yoongi had first met him, Jungkook had cried for what seemed like forever. Yoongi hadn’t cared though, he loved his baby brother, he’d loved him for all he was. The tiny pink screaming thing Yoongi had seen as a five year old was the only thing he’d talk about for weeks after. He told everyone. He told his dad, his mom, his teacher, the grocer at the grocery store. He literally told everyone.
Yoongi had vowed in the hospital, with all the family in the room to be,” THE BEST BIGGER BROTHER EVER!” Everyone had agreed and kept a fond smile on their face. Yoongi had kept his vow true and had sacrificed everything for Jungkook. Especially when his mother died.
Jungkook had sat in the graveyard, his face buried into Yoongi’s jacket. Jungkook cried and cried and cried, and left a gigantic stain on Yoongi’s jacket. Yoongi couldn’t blame him though, he was barely twelve and his mother had died from cancer. A cancer that no one was sure how she got. It was bone cancer.
Jungkook was twelve years old and his mother had died. Which means that their father would die soon as well. Yoongi hadn’t known at the time, and neither had Jungkook. But they would definitely know in about two weeks. Their father had not come to the funeral that day, he’d stayed inside, and moped, and cried. Much like Yoongi, in his final moments now.
After this, Yoongi watched as his father had slowly dwindled away, and knew that at the young age of 14 Yoongi would have to make sure Jungkook could have a good life. Luckily, he stayed in school, and a Uncle of theirs watched them while their father sat in the bedroom, dying.
Four years later, they’d transferred to a new school in Daegu. Yoongi was fine with it but Jungkook neared threw a fit. He didn’t want to leave his hometown. But after Yoongi calmed him and got him to get into the truck, everything turned out fine.
When they’d finally moved and gotten settled in school Jungkook had met him. And by him, Yoongi met Kim Taehyung. Or, Jungkook’s soulmate. When Yoongi had first met Taehyung he had grimaced and walked away.
He could almost hear Taehyung frown and Jungkook calm him until Taehyung blurted it out.
“I’m Jungkook’s soulmate!”
Yoongi had stopped in his tracks and whipped around and stared at Taehyung.
He had then disgruntling admitted,” Welcome to the family then, Taehyung.”
And that had been that.
About two years later, Jungkook was taken to the hospital for a fainting spell he had. The doctor’s had tested his blood and everything, and they revealed he had Stage III Leukemia. Yoongi had broken into tears and cried his heart out. He was about to lose more of his family, and he definitely wasn’t ready.
It was a quiet, quiet year as Jungkook progressed. Taehyung had been completely silent, which was so out of character it freaked Yoongi out. It was a weird day when he mentioned to his lab manager that they should test to see what happened to soulmates after the other died.
His manager had asked him who they would test and Yoongi had purely said,” I know someone.”
And that was that. The next day Yoongi had walked into the hospital where Taehyung sat on a chair, staring blankly out the window. Yoongi had approached the boy and put a hand on his shoulder. He crouched down to the boy and stared at him in the eyes.
“Taehyung, we’re doing something, at the lab, and we want to use you.”
Taehyung had looked at Yoongi with wide, sad eyes,” What sort of thing?”
“We’re testing to see what happens to soulmates after the other dies.”
And everyone knows the rest.
Yoongi watched as the car slowed down and a high fence came into view. The beach was off in the distance, but it would be what he wanted. He would’ve wanted it. That’s what Yoongi always thought. Seokjin pulled into the graveyard, and the car parked. A hand touched his shoulder and Yoongi looked over to Jin.
“Are you ready?”
Yoongi nodded.
Yoongi got out of the car and shakily followed Jin to a grave, slightly far away from the rest of the graves. He wobbled his way across the lawn, the freezing cold of winter turning the lawn into a frosty wonderland. It didn’t feel like such a wonderland. Jin held onto Yoongi arm, a small, sad smile on hi face. Yoongi could already feel the tears welling up in his eyes and he hadn’t even reached the grave yet.
Seokjin stopped before a small stone grave. Yoongi bent down in front of it, dropping the flowers and grabbed the cold stone. The minute it touched Yoongi’s figures it froze but Yoongi didn’t have the heart to move his hands. All he could do right now was cry, he watched as his tears hit the ground and added to the frost.
Yoongi clutched his hands to his chest, a sob escaping his mouth. He wasn’t sure he could deal with this for much longer. Yoongi let tears roll down his cheeks for a while, not bothering to wipe them off. After what had seemed like hours of Seokjin rubbing his back and Yoongi just crying, he was finally ready to look at the gravestone.
Licking his lips and bringing up all his courage Yoongi rose his head, looking at the slate gray stone in front of him. Engraved in the stone were bold black letters, standing out graciously.
Park Ji Min
박 지 민
October 13th, 1995- December 24th, 2017
a loving brother, soulmate and son
Yoongi put a hand to his head, staring at the last line. Jimin never deserved this. Yoongi should’ve been walking with him that day, but he’d stayed home. Yoongi couldn’t even remember what he’d stayed home for, but he regretted it now.
The black-haired man stared listlessly at the gray slab, tears still falling down his face. He thought back to that day, the day that had ended Jimin’s life. It had been a rainy day, and the sun didn’t ever seem like it was going to come out. It was okay with Jimin and Yoongi though, they wanted to just stay inside and cuddle. It was the first time in months they both were at their small apartment and didn’t have anywhere to go, it was a good day.
Sometime during the afternoon, after they had finished binge-watching a drama, Jimin had gotten up to go look in the fridge. Yoongi knew nothing was going to be in there, the couple usually ate out so there was no reason too. He heard Jimin’s call of,” I’ll be back in a bit!” and the sound of the door closing, Yoongi just kept his eyes closed and nodded.
Yoongi had fallen asleep sometime during the next few minutes and somehow didn’t hear the screeching of tires. He didn’t hear the silence inducing screech. He hadn’t heard the sound that had killed his love. He only knew because when he woke up, he woke up to Namjoon pounding on the door, screaming for Yoongi to get up. And, as Yoongi got up, there was so much pain, he felt like, well like a car hit him.
Yoongi had only begun to figure out what had happened when he pulled open the door. By the time the door was wide open, Yoongi had figured it out. By the time Namjoon had dragged him to car, Yoongi was sobbing. By the time they were outside of the hospital, Yoongi knew it was too late. It had been too late.
Yoongi didn’t even get to say goodbye.
He never got to say,” I love you.” One last time.
Yoongi hadn’t gotten to see Jimin alive for the last time, and Jimin didn’t get to see Yoongi for the last time.
Namjoon had tried his hardest to drag Yoongi from his spot in the middle of the walkway, but it was useless. Yoongi had been frozen in the spot, tears streaming down his face and a wail beginning to pry it’s way out of his lips. After all Yoongi had been through, this was how it ended. It ended with all his loved ones dead, leaving only him.
How sad.
Yoongi stayed at the grave for a little bit longer, talking to the headstone about random things. Like how his life was going, and what he was going to do soon. His tears had long-since dried, but their tracks had been left on his cheeks. Yoongi told Jimin about how he wished he was still here. It was okay though, because they were going to see each other in heaven. In heaven everything was going to be alright.
The rest of the hour was spent just purely talking to the slab. But Yoongi knew that he had to go as he heard the sound of footsteps behind him. He turned his head slightly, looking up to find Seokjin looking with a sad smile. The man reached down and patted Yoongi’s shoulder, offering a hand to help him up. Yoongi complied and got up, not that he wanted too, he knew it was time to leave.
The walk to the car was quiet and sullen, Seokjin knew he was never going to see Yoongi again. Yoongi knew that he was never going to see Seokjin or Namjoon again, and good god he was going to miss them. Seokjin opened Yoongi’s door, closing it once he got in and walking to the other side of the car.
Seokjin started the car, and the began to drive towards Yoongi’s old workplace, towards Yoongi’s death.
At that Yoongi started crying.
He was never going to see earth again.
He was leaving forever now.