Work Text:
Louis is sitting on his usual place in the classroom – the front desk, right next to his best friend Zayn.
Mrs. Morgan is writing on the white board, so everybody is quiet for the first time since English class has started. Louis can hear the not so soft scratching noise their pens make as they roughly scribble the papers. He can also hear the beep his typewriter makes every time it reaches the end of a line and Louis automatically slides the small key to the beginning, so he can start writing on new one.
His classmates are used to it by now. Used to him. Principal Thomas once said Louis was a special case, and, to be honest, he quite likes to think he is.
Louis is blind, is the thing. Had been since he was born and well, he’s learned to live with it and so had the people around him. Zayn, though, his best friend, is the only one that makes Louis feel as normal as possible. Also, he’s the only one that’s stayed by his side since the first time they’d met, three years ago.
He keeps typing the words Zayn in saying on his typewriter and follows through with the class. It takes him a couple of beeps until his classmates make their obvious and usual joke:
“Elevator up!” They say in unison and Louis can hear a few laughs in the back. He smiles, knowing they aren’t trying to be mean to him. He enjoys the fact he can still make people laugh.
Zayn, on the other hand, has been fed up with the jokes and funny looks that Louis can’t see. He stands up for his friend.
“What a stupid joke.” He says and Louis can feel the movement as Zayn faces their classmates. “How many times will you repeat this until you notice it’s not funny?”
Louis’ hand comes to rest on Zayn’s shoulder. His friend turns to face him again and he whispers a low hey, it’s okay to assure he doesn’t mind.
Mrs. Morgan takes it from there and tells everyone to calm down and stop arguing. She gets up from her chair and starts walking, her heels tapping the floor with a loud, annoying noise. She stops in front of Louis’ desk and he turned his face to Zayn, confused for a few seconds, until Mrs. Morgan calls for a Harry.
“I think we should meet the new student before the bell rings. Would you like to introduce yourself to the class, Harry?”
Harry stutters a I don’t think it’s necessary, uncertainly, and Louis notices the voice is coming from the desk right behind his. The bell rings just then and, not even two seconds later, the classroom is being emptied.
Louis starts packing his stuff and waits while Zayn finishes with his backpack, too, and, once he’s done, the boy stands up and next to him, tapping Louis on the shoulder.
“Let’s go?” He says, reaching his arm out so Louis can hold on to it.
They are almost at the door when Zayn turns around and calls Harry, who, Louis supposes, is still packing his things. “Are you walking home, Harry?”
Louis hears the other boy stumble and collide with the chair in front of him. He can’t help but let out a smile.
“Yeah,” he says in a low, soft tone and a raspy voice. Louis is kind of amused with the sound.
“Do you wanna go back with us?” Zayn asks and after a second they were walking again, Harry on Louis’ left side.
-
As they reach Louis’ front door, Zayn asks for his keys. Louis fishes them from his back pocket and gives them to his friend. He hears the click of the door as Zayn opens it at the same time he pulls Louis for a hug and says goodbye. He hugs his friend back, thanking him for everything and, as he lets go, Louis reaches out his hand so Harry can shake it.
“Bye, Harry. It was nice to meet you.” He says.
“You too, Louis.” Harry replies. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”
-
Louis is sitting in the middle of the school hall, his head on Zayn’s lap as the boy plays with his hair. It’s a normal thing between them – during lunch time they would sit there while everyone else would go to the cafeteria and make a huge mess. It was just quieter this way.
Zayn stills his hand for a moment and Louis looks up, to where he supposes his friend’s face is, and waits for him to speak.
“Did you know that Eleanor kept starring at you during Chem, today?” Louis can hear the smirk in Zayn’s lips and he rolls his eyes to that. “She was the last one to leave the room. I guess she was waiting for us.”
“Stop it. You know I’m not into her, Z.” He replies.
“Or in anyone, as far as I know. I’m your best friend, you should tell me about your crushes.” Zayn tells him. “I always tell you when I like someone.”
“You haven’t since that Perrie girl.”
“Well,” Zayn pounders for a while, “she was a bit of a mess, I suppose”
Louis’ smile is comforting. “I know. Let’s forget about it.”
“Hey.”
There’s a movement right above him and Louis sits up, facing Zayn. His friend’s hand is resting on his arm.
“Hi Harry,” Zayn says and oh, Louis thinks, it’s Harry.
“Is it okay if I sit here with you?” He asks, uncertain.
“Sure.”
Louis feels as Harry sits right next to him and he turns to give the boy a smile.
“So,” Louis starts, “how do you like the school, so far? Are you finding your way around?”
“Yeah, I found the library.” Harry says, his silhouette moving a bit and Louis thinks he might be facing him now. He smiles at that. “Did you guys do well on the test?” The boy asks.
“I think so,” Zayn answers, “I’m not very good at Chemistry, to be honest.”
“Neither am I. I like math, though.” Harry says.
“You should help Louis with that. He’s rubbish”
“Thank you, Zaynie.” Louis rolls his eyes, playfully. “I’d like to see you try solving equations in Braille, let’s see how well you’d do.”
Harry laughs and Louis thinks that maybe that’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard.
“I can help you, if you want.”
Louis turns and faces Harry, a big smile on his lips. “Thanks.” He says.
-
A month passes.
Louis and Harry have been studying for their math test that’s due in another week and, finally, Louis feels like he can actually understand what the circumference equation is about.
Their friendship is building little by little and Louis finds himself quite amused with Harry’s stories. He finds out Harry lives with his mum and stepfather and that they’ve moved to Yorkshire because of his stepfather’s job. He also has a sister, but she’s in uni back in Cheshire, studying to be a Biology teacher.
Louis tells him about his four younger sisters and Harry actually squeals when he tells him the two older ones once put makeup on his face while he was sleeping and he had been to a family dinner with pink lips and shiny eyes without even knowing. Now he can even laugh about it – back then, not so much.
Zayn and Louis are waiting for Harry, who is talking to a teacher about some essay he has to write. They’re both quiet, Zayn’s finishing his cigarette and Louis is thinking. It all started with the thought that Zayn should really stop smoking, seeing that that’s obviously bad for his health, but he didn’t say anything because the other three hundred times he tried, didn’t actually work. Then his thoughts jump to Harry and, well. He doesn’t really know what they’re supposed to mean. It’s all a huge mess, to be honest. He wonders why he feels so needy of the boy all the time and that can’t be normal, right? He’s just so used to having the boy around him in classes and then during the afternoon when they would study together and even at dinner, sometimes, when his mum would ask Harry if he’d like to stay.
He sighs, fidgeting with the hem of his jumper.
“Zayn,” Louis starts, quietly, “what does Harry look like?”
Zayn lets out a puff of smoke in Louis’ direction and he turns his face the other way, mumbling a you’re gross and receiving a sorry from his friend.
“He’s, like. Very tall.” He says once he’s done with the cigarette and Louis lights up on the inside. He doesn’t know the concept of tall, but he’s always been told he was quite tiny. Maybe that’s just meant to be. “Curly, brown hair, light skin. His eyes are very green and, like, big. He kinda looks like a frog.” Zayn continues and Louis has to laugh at that.
“Hey, I bet he’s not that bad.” He says, smiling, and pictures an imaginary concept of two green orbs framing a very beautiful face – the prettiest his imagination’s ever created. “I’m sure the very big, very green eyes suit him well, right?”
“What suits who well, Lou?” Harry asks, approaching them and Louis feels his cheeks burning.
“N-nothing.” He whispers more to himself, hoping the boy hasn’t heard anything.
He feels Zayn moving next to him and in a second he’s on his feet, pushing Louis up. The three of them start walking home.
-
“Hey Lou, can we just stop by my place so I can give my mum her keys?” Zayn asks once they’re on their street. “It’ll only take a second.”
“Yeah, okay.” Louis replied, smiling.
“You don’t live down the street, Zayn?” Harry asks, voice a bit uncertain.
“No, my house is right there.” Zayn replies, pointing to a light grey house right in front of them. “But I always walk Lou home.”
“Um.” He starts. “I can walk him home, it’s really no problem.”
Zayn stops in his track and Louis can feel he’s tensing up a little. “I don’t know. I don’t mind it, Harry. Thanks, though.”
“Zayn,” Louis says, catching his friend’s attention. “It’s okay, Harry can walk me.”
“Are you sure?” Zayn whispers so only Louis can hear and Louis nods once, smiling so his friend sees he’s fine with that. “Okay then. I’ll see you guys at school tomorrow.”
“Bye Z. Thank you, again.”
“No problem, Lou. Bye Harry.” He says. Louis doesn’t see it, but Zayn takes a second to give Harry a firm look, then, he turns on his heels to go up the stairs in front of his house.
“Bye.” Harry says once his at the door, voice caught on his throat.
He looks down at Louis, smiling wide, and it’s almost as if the shorter boy can feel it burning a hole in his head. Harry places Louis’ hand on his biceps and waits for him to feel comfortable. Louis lets go of Harry’s arm and changes sides with the boy, pushing him to his right, and only then he gets a hold of his arms again. Harry’s smile is still big on his face.
They say nothing for a second and Louis starts feeling a bit self-conscious. He fixes his hair with his free hand, under Harry’s watch and then clears his throat.
“Are you still there?” He asks.
“Yeah, Lou.” Harry’s voice is so low toned that Louis feels his knees giving up a little. He gives the boy’s arm a little squeeze as if to encourage him to walk and so they do.
It’s only a couple of blocks down the street and they get there in five minutes. Louis hands Harry his house keys and the boy opens it for him. He pulls the taller boy in for a hug and then realizes what his action and lets go – his cheeks burning once again.
“Um. Bye Harry.” He says, looking down so Harry can’t see his embarrassment. “Thanks for - walking me.”
“You’re welcome, Lou.” Harry says and Louis notices his voice has gone all soft. Fuck, Louis thinks. To his surprise, Louis feels the boy’s arms around him once again, this time initiating the hug. It’s quick and one sided and Louis swears he must’ve imagined it, but he doesn’t actually mind. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
He nods, not trusting his voice to come out normally.
-
Zayn is sitting next to Louis so he can tell him what’s written on the board, while Louis types it. Mr. Garnett, their History teacher, is explaining the conflicts that happened during the archaic period and Louis makes sure that he listens to everything while writing.
“Well guys, since we’re talking about Greece, I’d like to pair you up for an assignment, okay?” Mr. Garnett says. “Please, pair up with the person that sits behind you. Each line is working on a different topic.”
Louis gives Zayn a sided look. He listens as his friend pulls his desk back in line and when he’s about to ask what is Zayn doing, he feels Harry’s hand on his shoulder. Louis looks back and smiles, waving for Harry to come sit next to him. While the boy is moving, he turns to where Zayn usually sits.
“Zaynie,” he calls, “is this okay? Who are you paired up with?”
He hears as a sigh leaves his friend’s mouth. “It’s fine, Lou. I’m with Liam.”
“Oh, all right.” Louis smiles. “Liam is very smart.”
“Yeah, I suppose he is.”
-
It’s lunch time, again. They three of them are sitting in the hall, with their bags of food in their laps and books by their sides.
“Well,” Zayn says, once he finishes eating, “I’m going to the library. Liam wants to start the assignment today and we’re doing it here.”
“Okay, Z.” Louis hugs his best friend quickly, before he gets up. “Tell Liam I told him to take care of my baby.”
Zayn actually laughs at that. “’M not your baby, Lou.” He says and then he’s walking away.
Louis has a smile on his face for the next few seconds and then it’s only Harry and him. He pretends he doesn’t notice the way his stomach churns with the thought of the other boy so close to him and he tries to focus on his fingers, sliding them through the page he’s reading on their History book. It’s only Harry, he tells himself over and over again.
They’re silent for a minute, then Harry is moving and Louis feels their knees bumping. He stops the reading and waits for him to talk.
“Have you-,” Harry starts, but seems a bit uncertain of how to say it. Louis gives him a smile though, hoping it encourages him to continue. “Have you always been like this, Lou?” He lets out after a tense second.
Louis relaxes. For the way Harry seemed to tense up next to him, he thought he was going to say something way worse than asking if he’s always been blind. He can still feel Harry’s staring at him and it’s almost as if he’s wondering if he shouldn’t have asked that. Louis grins at him and closes his book.
“What do you mean? Have I always been this weird? Or blind?” He jokes and feels Harry relaxing by his side. He even lets out a laugh and, God, Louis really wouldn’t mind listening to Harry’s laugh and feel his smile and make him happy all the time. “Since I was born.” He finishes, trying to control his thoughts again.
“And is it, like. Okay?” Harry asks, shyly.
“Well. As okay as it can be.” Louis replies, resting the back of his head on the wall. He turns to his left and faces where he supposes Harry is. “Sometimes it can be very frustrating, you know? But, I mean. I’m allowed to get angry, right? Everybody does, once in a while.”
“You’re so strong.”
Louis smiles. He feels Harry’s eyes on him once again and tries not to blush for the sake of his dignity.
“Not strong, Harry, no. I’m used to it.” He shrugs. “It has its perks, if I’m being completely honest. People usually do you lots of favors, for example.”
His body shakes as Harry laughs next to him. Then, the boy has a hand on his lap at the book Louis was holding is gone. He figures Harry’s hand is on one of the pages, feeling the little dots in it.
Louis moves his hands and rests it on Harry’s. He waits for the boy to flinch and when he doesn’t, Louis starts sliding their fingers on the paper.
“Can you feel these two dots?” He asks.
“Yeah.”
“It means it’s a capital letter.”
Louis teaches him a few punctuation marks and how to write his name. He finds, in the page, Harry’s name letters and asks Harry to feel them. He tells him that the code is named after the creator and that both he and Louis have the same first name (Louis is actually very proud to have that in common.) and he can tell Harry is smiling at that.
They do that until lunch time is over. When they’re walking back to class Louis asks Harry how many dots represent the H for his name and, after stuttering nervously, he mumbles and uncertain five. Louis isn’t sure Harry was paying any attention to what he was learning, after that.
-
Zayn stays in school after classes to finish his assignment with Liam. It seems they’re getting on well for what Zayn told Louis during sixth period. He said Liam is patient and actually very funny. Their topic is easy, so they’ll probably finish it soon and Zayn asks if Liam and his friend Niall can spend lunch time with them the next day. Louis smiles and nods, saying that the boys are welcome anytime.
Harry walks him home that day, since Zayn is still in school, and they decide to start working on their paper, too.
They go inside and, after saying hello to Louis’ mum, the boys head to his room. Louis throws his backpack on the floor and walks to his dresser, stripping off his t-shirt and throwing on a more comfortable one. He forgets Harry is there for a minute – the boy hasn’t moved from his place since they entered the room.
“Do you, um. Do you want something to change in to?” He asks Harry, feeling the heat creep its way up to his cheeks.
“I don’t think your clothes would fit me, Lou.”
“What does that mean?” Louis frowns, self-consciously, pulling the hem of his t-shirt further down.
“You’re just so tiny, aren’t you?” His tone is amused and voice is soft. Louis doesn’t think he meant it in a bad way or at least he hopes not. Louis’ always been told he was short. He also has an image of himself printed on his brain that doesn’t make enough justice to the sun kissed skin, blue-eyed boy people always tell him he is in reality. “Anyway, I’m fine, thank you. Just took my jacket off.”
Louis gulps and looks down, walking back to sit on his bed. Harry follows his movements and sits at the end. They stay like that, saying nothing for a while. He feels Harry’s eyes on him and Louis can’t stop the thoughts.
What would Harry think if Louis kissed him right now? Because Louis would surely like that a lot. He can smell his cologne from this far and it’s doing things to him, things he’s never felt before and can’t quite place his mind on where this is going or even what it means, but Louis knows he wants Harry to be closer and closer and closer and to never go away. His hands start crawling in the mattress, reaching out for Harry’s, without his permission. He stops halfway once he notices what he’s doing and his hand closes on a fistful of sheet.
Louis doesn’t move for a second, worried that Harry will notice what he was about to do, but, a moment later, bigger hands are evolving his and the only thing Louis can think about is how warm they are. His heartbeat is racing and he can feel it on his throat. He closes his eyes and tries to remind himself how to breathe properly.
“Lou,” Harry starts, quietly, “you’ve never seen Zayn’s face.” He affirms and, just like that, the moment is broken.
Louis hesitates. “No. I haven’t.”
Harry says nothing for the next minute, but, meanwhile, his thumb starts tracing a pattern in the back of Louis’ tiny hand.
“He could be a model with the way he looks.”
Which, okay.
Louis doesn’t know what that’s supposed to mean. His whole face twists into a frown.
So Harry thinks Zayn’s attractive. Right. I mean, Louis’ figured that out already, what with all the girls that talk to his friend in a flirty way, so, if he knows that, then why is this thought making his stomach churn and heart swell? He says nothing, though. Can’t make the words pass his lips, not when he feels like crying and he is determined not to do it in front of Harry.
“I think he likes you.” The boy says when Louis stays quiet.
“Of course he does.” Louis replies once he finds his voice, forcing it out and looking up with a fake smile on his lips. “He’s stuck with me for the rest of his life, he better like me a bit”
“No, I mean, I think he’s into you or something.” Harry continues and, okay, what?
“What?” He says and shakes his head at the same time. “No, Harry.” Louis pulls his hand out of Harry’s and he can literally feel the way the other boy’s face scrunches when he does.
“I mean. I thought– with the way he looks at you,” he starts saying, but Louis cuts him.
“He doesn’t.”
They face each other for what seems like ages. “Okay.” Harry ends up saying and Louis feels like the world is resting on his shoulders.
“Would it bother you?” He whispers unsurely. “If he liked me, I mean.”
“What?” It’s Harry’s turn to be confused.
“Like. If he liked me, would it be so bad?”
Please, don’t be disgusted, Louis thinks over and over again, suddenly feeling really small, like he could disappear if he would just brace himself, not moving for a few seconds and, in that moment, that’s all Louis wants to do.
He’s admitted to himself that he might be falling for Harry. The thing is, he doesn’t know how the other boy feels about him. Fucks’ sake, he doesn’t even know if Harry is gay! He probably isn’t and Louis’ probably pining over someone who won’t ever like him back. His mind is a mess of what ifs, pleases and fear.
The mattress moves under his body and then Harry’s placing himself next to Louis, still holding his hand.
“No, Lou. It wouldn’t be bad if a guy liked you”, he says, emphasizing the word, his voice was a tone softer and whoa. Yeah, Louis thinks he might’ve actually stopped breathing for that fraction of second. “Or if it was the other way around.”
There it is, he thinks. Harry’s had figured what goes on in Louis’ mind, he had practically just come out to him and Harry was there, right there, next to him, holding his hand. Louis’ still confused with where things are leading them to, I mean. It’s not like Harry’s said he, too, was gay, but, for some reason, he felt good just sitting there, knowing that the other boy wouldn’t want to stop talking to him because of who he liked and that was all he needs, for now.
-
“Liam had to drop by his house before we start working on the assignment today. He’ll be here in a few, though, and then we’re going back to school.” Zayn says, leaning closer to Louis’ and resting his head on his shoulder. “Where’s Harry?”
“He had a dentist appointment.” Louis replies, smiling. He’s missed being close to his best friend.
Zayn looks up and holds the stare so Louis can feel it burning into his side.
“What?” He asks, quietly.
He doesn’t get an answer, but soon enough Zayn’s head is back on his shoulder, so he guesses it’s all okay.
Louis feels the need to talk, though. It’s just the both of them and it hasn’t been like this for a while, since they first spoke to Harry at least and, well, there’s just so much to say, so many things to admit and questions to be asked, so sue him if he drops the bomb in Zayn head as soon as they get sometime alone, but he knows Zayn’s the only person that’ll actually listen and maybe have something to say. It’s just all very confusing, he thinks.
He fidgets with his lower lip for seconds, before speaking, uncertain:
“Zayn,” he starts, “am I attractive?”
His friend huffs out a laugh, a bit confused as to why is Louis asking that, but he stops once he sees he’s serious about it.
“Is there… Something you want to talk about, Lou?” Zayn asks, instead. The stare is back and Louis can feel it even more intense now, so intense he has to duck his head down, feeling hot all over.
“It’s just. I don’t- I. Zayn.”
“Hey, now.” Zayn turns Louis to face him. “You know you can tell me anything.”
“I know, Z.” Louis takes in a very long breath before continuing so quietly he doubt Zayn’s even listening. “Harry said you look like a model. I think he finds you attractive.”
After glaring at Louis for a moment, Zayn starts, “I-”, he says, hesitantly. “That’s nice of him, I guess.”
“Yeah. Zayn, I.” Louis continues in a whisper. “I think I might be in love with him.”
They fall into an uncomfortable silence after that, Zayn hesitant of what to say and Louis uncertain of how to act. He bites his bottom lip so strongly he can taste his own blood. Louis’ not sure when it started, but now he can feel a single tear falling down his cheek and he’s quick enough to dry it.
“Did you hear me?” He asks, voice a bit louder.
“I did, Lou. I just–I don’t know what to say.”
So he waits. Louis rests his head on the headboard and closes his eyes, trying to even his breathing as well as his thoughts.
“I think that it’s okay if you like him–,” Zayn starts but is interrupted but his phone ringing. "It's Liam, he’s outside. Look Lou, I have to go, give me a couple hours and I’ll be back, okay?” Louis doesn’t move. “Okay?” He says again and this time Louis nods. “Just – be careful, yeah?”
And then he’s gone.
-
Louis isn’t sure if he’s more mad at Zayn for running out on him like that or relieved that he didn’t make a big deal out of this.
In case, he just stays in bed, head down and eyes closed, waiting for his friend to return. It might take hours, he knows, but, right now, he doesn’t feel like getting up. He’s finally admitted for someone that’s not himself that, yes, he likes Harry and, yes, he’s gay and now it feels like he’s empty in not a very good way. He’s lonely.
It’s probably more than an hour later that he hears someone opening the door. He’s on his feet in a second.
“Zayn,” he says, “I can’t believe you just left. I know it’s not an easy thing, but I really needed someone to talk to and, fuck, I thought I could count on you, Z. Did you even finish your paper?” Louis ranks his fingers in his hair, too worked up to stand still. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry – I know you were meeting with Liam, but like, you could’ve asked him for five more minutes. I just. Zayn, I’m so scared. This is all so confusing, I’m in love with Harry and I don’t even know what the fuck he looks like because I’m fucking blind, how pathetic is that? And then you left me and I don’t know if I should’ve told you that. Are you angry at me? Do you – do you think I’m disgusting? Zayn, pleas-“
Louis thinks he would’ve kept talking if it wasn’t for the lips that were interrupting him. Or maybe he would’ve kept talking if it wasn’t for the mess those lips were making in his mind, a mix of what is this, and what is Zayn thinking?, and oh my God I’m being kissed.
Or maybe he wouldn’t after all.
The kiss ends just as it begin, bluntly and all of a sudden. Louis freezes, listening to the steps Zayn’s taking back and a second later the door is being shut.
-
Louis is still under his blankets, sad music blasting out of his earphones. He doesn’t feel like leaving his room ever again and, yes, he knows he’s starting to sulk, but he doesn’t really care.
It’s been about two hours since Zayn left. He’s tried thinking it through and in the end all it gave him was a terrible head ache, so he’s fine with just curling himself in the bed and hiding for as long as he can.
Unfortunately, as long as he can isn’t as long as he would hope, since not even two minutes later Zayn slams the door open and sits on his bed, calling for Louis to get his head out of the blankets because they need to talk and they need to talk now.
He does, enough so Zayn can look him in the eyes (it’s not like Louis can see anything, so it doesn’t matter), but stays quiet.
“Okay, I’m sorry it took me so long to come back, Lou.” He says. “Liam and I got held up with some – um, stuff. I’m here now and I’ve been thinking. Do you still want to talk?”
And, okay. What? Louis is kicks the blanket out and sits up, probably looking as confused as he feels. Zayn waits for him to say something, to answer if he wants to talk, but the words are caught on his throat and he can’t breathe through it.
He tries, either way.
“Zayn, you’ve been here?” Louis says, unsure. “You’ve been here an hour ago and – and I screamed at you and you – you kissed me.” The last part wasn’t more than a whisper.
Zayn stares at him wide eyed. “Um. No, Lou, I didn’t.”
And then it hits him.
“Oh no. Zayn, fuck, I.” Louis stands up in record time and starts pacing around the room, clueless of what to do. His mutters of fuckfuckfuck must’ve gotten Zayn worried, because he holds Louis in place and asks for him to explain what’s going on. He stops on his feet and can’t bring himself to lift his head up. Breathing quickly, he gropes Zayn’s shoulder and pulls him in a hug, feeling the tears flooding. “I f –fucked up, Z.”
“What happened, Louis?” Zayn says, worry strong in his voice.
“I thought it was you and I said I was in love with Harry and then he kissed me – He wasn’t you and I – Zayn, I thought it was you. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Okay, Lou?” Zayn’s hands were in his face, pulling his head up so he could look at him. “Breathe. Are you breathing?”
Louis nods, his eyes widening.
“Good. Now look,” his friend says with a rushed tone, “if Harry was here, he heard you saying you’re in love with him and then kissed you, then, well, isn’t it a good thing?”
And, well. Louis shifts, attempting to clear his thoughts at least a little bit so he could make sense out of what Zayn was saying.
“I don’t know.” He argues. “He kissed me and then left.”
To that, Zayn had to frown. It’s not like he knew Harry that much, but for what he sees every time the boy was anywhere near Louis, he would think the feeling was mutual.
“I think – Lou, maybe he was just scared. To scare you off, I mean.”
“Scared to scare me off?” Louis laughs, sarcastically. “I said I loved him to his face.”
“I know, but you were thinking he was me.” Zayn replies, reasonably. “Talk to him.”
Nodding slowly, Louis lets his eyes drift closed as Zayn runs his hand up and down his arm, in a comforting way. "Yeah," he says, assuring, "I'll talk to him."
-
The next day the boys hand their papers to Mr. Garnett. Zayn and Liam got, unsurprisingly, the highest grade, while Louis and Harry weren't far behind, getting a B, because, apparently, they didn't develope one of the topics very well, but the rest of it was pretty good. Huh.
He doesn't speak to Harry during the whole day, only answering his questions with a short nod of his head or maybe a smile. Harry doesn't mention it, either. Doesn't mention the kiss or the bit where Louis confessed being in love with him and certainly doesn't change the way he acts with Louis. It's all very normal, except for the way Louis' hands sweat and heart beats out of rhythm in his chest, because he knows. He knows Harry was there and fuck if that's not embarrassing. But he doesn't say anything, too scared of the reaction he might get from the other boy and, well, they're in the middle of their English class, it wouldn't be a good idea to just discuss their non-existent relationship while their teacher talks about Charles fucking Dickens or whatever.
So he just waits. He'll talk to Harry once they're on their way home.
Which isn't very later on, since English class was the last one and, as if fate was mocking him, Zayn says Liam's mum invited him over for dinner, so it's only Harry and him today. Louis' likes to think the glare he sent Zayn before his best friend ran off was deatlhy and very, very angry. Not like it would make a difference, anyway.
So yes, in the end, Louis' hand on strongly holding Harry's arm, while the other boy guided him down the street, none of them daring to say anything. Louis looks down at his feet, trying to come up with a way to start, when Harry's hand come rest on top of his, the one that's holding the boy's arm. Whatever Louis had in his mind is suddenly gone.
"Lou," Harry says, "is everything okay? You haven't said much today."
The short boy just nods, bitting his lip, "Yeah, I'm fine Haz." He starts, then thinks better and decides not to waste anymore time. He shakes his head and completes, "Actually, no. I have to talk to you about something."
Harry seems to tense up for a second, holding his hand tighter, but after a moment he relaxes again and Louis can feel a smile warming up his features.
"I have to tell you something, too." He admits, rubbing circles on the top of Louis' hand and, well, that only serves to make Louis' heart beat even faster.
"Do you - You can say it first, I guess." He tries.
"No, go on." Harry argues, smirk clear in his voice and okay. Okay, Louis thinks. The fucker already knows what Louis has to say.
"Okay," he voices, out loud, "I um- I know it was you yesterday, Harry."
Harry stops in his track, dragging Louis with him. The boy pauses and starts to panic, eyes wide and mouth agape, certain he had said the wrong thing. Maybe he should have asked, what if it wasn't Harry after all and now he's going to have to say what he's talking about.
"That is - not what I was expecting." Is all he says.
"What were you expecting?"
His hand is being shifted from Harry's arm to his chest, resting above his heart - which is beating as fast as Louis' own - and suddenly they're face to face.
"Tell me what you said yesterday, again." Harry pleads in a whisper.
Louis is quick to shake his head, trying to untangle from the taller boy, his thoughts a mess of doubts and fear. He looks down, just to have Harry's fingers under his chin, guiding his head upwards, to look him in the eyes. Louis closes them, avoiding it.
"Don't make me say it." He mutters under his breath. "Just - Why? You kissed me and you heard, Harry.", Louis inhales, voice quivering.
"Hey, sh- Lou, I'm sorry" Harry confesses, guiltily, hands traveling to Louis' face and suddenly Louis feels him so, so close. "You thought you were talking to Zayn and I - I just couldn't. Lou. I was there and all of a sudden you were screaming at - at Zayn, saying you were in love with me, In one second I was listening and in the other I was kissing you. I was so scared I had fucked up, Louis. I didn't, did I? Please," his voice full of concern, "I didn't mean to push you or anything. I don't know what's gotten into me."
At that, Louis feels himself shattering inside, because Harry had just said that the kiss wasn't meant to happen. He frees his arms from Harry's embrace and takes a step back, not wanting to talk about it anymore.
"You didn't push me. If I knew it was you, I would've kissed you back." He whispers and then realizes he wasn't supposed to say that. He bites his lips, embarrassed. "You - You can pretend it didn't happen. It's fine, just - forget I even said anything, okay? Please, take me home."
After that, they walk in silence all the way to Louis' place. He can feel Harry's eyes on him, but doesn't look up to meet his face, not when they're walking and not when he hands Harry the key to his house.
He door isn't opened in the seconds that follow, though. Louis stands and faces Harry, frowning, knowing the boy is still in front of him, feeling his presence in front of him. He sends him a confused look and asks what is he doing.
"I didn't tell you what I had to say." Is his reply and, not even two seconds later, his mouth is on Louis' for the second time, kissing him. This time, though, Louis kisses back.
He kisses Harry back, not paying attention to the voice in his head that's saying he shouldn't, saying he should demand and explanation, because, fuck, Harry can't simply play with his feelings like that. Louis kisses back, because that might be the only time he gets to do it.
Harry pulls back a minute later, leaving Louis' searching for the lips that one second ago were flat on his own.
"I," Harry starts and pecks his lips once, "am in love with you, too, Louis." Peck. "Have been for a while." Peck. "I can't pretend this isn't happening - don't want to." His hands travel to Louis' waist, pulling him closer. "I can give you time to think this over, just. Don't think I regret kissing you, 'cause I don't. I don't and I'd do it again, I - fuck, I want to kiss you all the time."
Louis beams, smile so big he's not sure his cheeks could stretch more if he tried. Harry thinks that's the best thing he's ever seen. He lifts his arms, touching Harry's torso until he finds his shoulder and rounds them in the boy's neck, pulling him down and closer to his own body. Harry's forehead rests in Louis' and they stay like that for a while, taking each other in, breathing each other's air.
"Will you say something, please?" He asks and Louis is positive the boy's not even a little bit apprehensive, the smile clear in his voice.
"I love you." Louis replies and, fuck, needs he say more?
The next time Harry kisses him, he kisses back.
And this time he knows it's just the beginning.