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Niall could usually tell when Zayn went into one of those weird moods. It usually started when Zayn had his sketchbook in his lap and instead of doodling he would just be staring at a blank page, his hand barely holding the pen. Then Zayn would continue to stare blankly at everything that came into sight, including Niall. Zayn would then pick himself up from the couch, lightly touch Niall’s shoulder at a weak attempt of saying that he was still there and not too far gone into his own mind. Niall still didn’t really know what triggered these moods, where Zayn would suddenly just become numb and incapable of human functions. Niall did know that Zayn liked to beat himself up for it because god damn it, Zayn just wanted to be normal.
So Niall would wait a minute, and then follow Zayn to the bedroom where he would be sprawled out face down on the bed. His fingernails digging into the skin of his palm to feel something except for this weird emptiness and feeling like he wasn’t all there and that part of his mind existed in the faint pink in the clouds you could see at a sunset and that his aliveness was just a temporary breeze. Niall would crawl on top of Zayn and slowly uncurl his hand for him and played with his fingers, Niall’s free hand tugging on Zayn’s hair to say that yes, you are alive and you’re mine. Niall would kiss the tattoo on the back of Zayn’s neck and hum random tunes.
Zayn loved him the most at these moments, coming to the realization that maybe his heart beat in Niall’s hands and his brain functioned to the breath in Niall’s lungs. Then Niall would start muttering these obscenely unique compliments in his ear like “you are the sun in my sky” and “a star died to make you” that didn’t quite always make sense but always managed to make Zayn smile and feel warm inside, and that meant he was feeling. And that’s all he could ask of Niall. They made each other feel everything all at once, and neither of them needed drugs or alcohol to feel something when they can simply get drunk on each other’s eyes in the dark or the way their hands gripped each other’s waist at all times of the day.
They would stay like that for around ten minutes, Niall still laying languidly on Zayn’s body fully reminding him that he was there. Then Zayn would come back down to earth and shuffle onto his back, elbowing Niall in the process. They would smile at each other, shyly, liked fourth graders trying to flirt. Then Niall or maybe even Zayn would lean in and kiss the other boy like it was the first time their lips felt like they had a purpose, and everything would be okay again.