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“… And then maybe I could…”
“… Hinata-kun.” Komaeda breathed a heavy sigh.
“But…”
“No, it’s impossible.”
The voice on the other end of the line went silent.
“You’re on an important mission right now, so you should focus on that. Everyone is counting on you.”
“This is important! It’s your birthday and I can’t even make it back in time!”
Komaeda’s heart fluttered for a moment but the frustration in Hinata’s voice brought him right back. He couldn’t allow himself to become emotional, not when Hinata was getting so worked up about it. Five days ago, Future Foundation had sent Hinata along with a few other agents to clear up a rather dangerous area where some Remnants of Despair were supposed to still be hiding. Komaeda had no doubt in Hinata’s abilities to get the job done but he still knew he needed to concentrate on the mission to have it succeed. Focusing on something as meaningless as a birthday wouldn’t get them anywhere and would just unnecessarily prolong the mission. What did one more day matter when Komaeda could have him any other day of the year? In a way, the thought itself felt selfish but Hinata had made sure to hammer that point home when they first moved in together. A smile hushed across his lips.
“There’s no helping it. Besides, we’ve already celebrated it last year.”
“That’s kinda the point of a birthday, Komaeda…”
Hinata was sounding more and more irritated. Komaeda could just picture him right now, probably pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. It was cute, in a special kind of Hinata way, and he couldn’t help but breathe out a small laugh.
“I…” miss you. Before he realized, these words had found their way onto his tongue. He bit them back just in time but from the quiet humming that reached him through the phone, Hinata had probably just guessed what he had been about to say.
Komaeda put down the pen he’d been fidgeting with ever since the call had reached him and closed his eyes for a moment, only listening to the other’s breathing. It really didn’t bother him that Hinata wasn’t here to celebrate his birthday. What bothered him was that Hinata wasn’t here. Being alone had never been a problem for him until they’d become so close. Komaeda had come to terms with constantly being around each other and it became something he now found comfort in, even if it sometimes just meant enjoying each other’s silence. Hinata seemed to think so too. They hadn’t even been apart for a whole week and those terrible selfish thoughts were already winding back up in his head, making him want to…
“Komaeda?”
Upon hearing Hinata’s voice, he opened his eyes again, dark thoughts sent scattering. He clutched the phone in his hand just a little tighter, staring straight ahead at the white wall in front of him.
“Listen, I… I gotta go now, but I’ll call back later?”
“Take care, Hinata-kun.”
The silence during the call was nothing compared to the lack of noise after they’d hung up. Komaeda leaned back in his chair and let his eyes wander over the working desk he’d been sitting on. Paper, paper, paper. Nothing but documents waiting to be filled out and sent back to headquarter. If he’d picked up some habits from Hinata, it was definitely becoming messier. What a terrible manner, he thought and smiled to himself while smoothing out some of the stacks. Too bad he didn’t feel like working on them now at all. Going for a walk instead sounded pleasant enough. Since they’d been living together in this apartment in the city, Hinata had always urged him to go for walks, get some fresh air, it’ll be good for your health. He got up and grabbed his keys.
It was the 26th of April, just before sunset.
Komaeda was on his way back to the apartment, grocery bag in one hand and in the other a half-empty can of Blue Ram. Sometimes Hinata’s advice wasn’t half bad, it seemed. Apparently that walk was right what he had needed to calm his nerves. His mood might just be well enough to cook up a decent dinner, he mused. He had just turned a corner when he heard it. It was faint, and Komaeda was about to pass it off as the wind rattling metal, but then he heard it again. A soft whine, nothing more than a weak yelp disturbing the otherwise silent street.
Did it come from that alley?
Komaeda frowned. The area he lived in had been declared relatively safe, free from any Remnants of Despair, but was it really safe? There could be anything in that dark backstreet.
There was that cry again. It sounded familiar in a sort of sense and… Komaeda felt his heartstrings being tugged at. No. Could this be?
He felt himself drawn into the alley as his feet moved on their own. At first his steps were tentative, but as soon as he was engulfed by the dark, the small yelp being the only thing that mattered, he grew more secure. When he finally reached what he had been looking for, Komaeda couldn’t believe his eyes. It had been kind of obvious, but standing right in front of it…
A small muddy white dog was staring up at Komaeda.
Its flattened ears peaked up.
Komaeda took a tentative step back.
The dog started wagging its tail.
Komaeda clamped a hand over his mouth before sinking down and hitting the ground with his knees, groceries scattering to the floor. The dog jumped a little at the sudden movement but quickly returned to staring at him with big brown eyes. It came closer slowly and Komaeda inhaled sharply before extending his shaking hand. The animal’s fur was slightly matted down but still soft to the touch. He felt his skin prickle as the dog leaned in closer, whining appreciatively.
This felt… familiar. Distant, yet so warm. There was a strange pressure behind his eyes, Komaeda noticed. When he blinked again, the image of the dog in front of him became blurry, but as soon as he closed and reopened his eyes, the furry creature was still right there, wagging its tail in anticipation.
He took a shuddering breath to calm himself down and picked up the small dog. How did it even get here? Apart from a few cats, Komaeda hadn’t seen anyone in this neighborhood owning any pets and this dog didn’t exactly look like a stray either. It was difficult to place a finger on, but the existence of such a small dog in this cruel world struck him as something so fascinating and wonderful that he couldn’t believe anyone would abandon an animal like that.
And then it suddenly hit him that he was the one petting and coddling it like he’d be able to somehow help this creature out of its misery.
Komaeda stood up abruptly, making the dog leap from his lap. Still, it wouldn’t leave him alone, brushing against his legs instead. Komaeda felt himself grow cold, standing completely still while he could only watch in dread as the dog still tried to get his attention. It eventually took note of the groceries that had fallen out of the plastic bag earlier and left Komaeda’s side for the sake of an apple which it dragged into a corner to snack on.
With the dog further away, he finally dared to move again. What was he thinking, dragging this already miserable creature even further down with him? He lifted his hands, the tingling feeling from before completely replaced by nothing but dust. Trying to shake himself out of this stupor, Komaeda collected the remaining groceries off of the floor, but there was no hiding the trembling in his limbs. When he was about to leave the alley, he allowed himself to cast a last glance at the dog which had almost finished his stolen apple.
“I guess you’re better off on the streets than hanging around someone like me”
He sounded bitter, he realized. But what was the point of having the joy of a pet when sooner or later it would be gone through his fault? Why give it hope when it would just end miserably? Nobody deserved this.
He left the alley with hanging shoulders, deciding to rest early tonight.
“Say, Komaeda, did anything happen yesterday?”
Hinata sounded more relaxed this time, the tension in his voice gone. He must’ve had a successful day. It eased some of Komaeda’s worries but thinking about his encounter yesterday, he definitely couldn’t tell him. It stirred up some strange feelings, feelings that might be too strong for Komaeda to handle alone and who was he to trouble Hinata when he was so content with himself today?
“Humm, not really?” Making his voice sound equally light was easy. “I went out for a walk and encountered some kids, but they seemed alright.”
Hinata seemed satisfied with the answer, unaware of the white lie and continued their conversation in a carefree manner. He talked about today’s mission, complained about his colleagues and, as a small triumph for Komaeda, didn’t mention the birthday at all. It was better not to upset oneself about something that couldn’t be helped anyway.
They were about to hang up when Hinata spoke up again.
“Komaeda, if you decide to go outside today, take care yeah?”
It made him chuckle, a warm feeling spreading in his chest. “What, think you’re the only one who can handle a few kids?”
They both knew it was most likely true. He might’ve been capable while still a Remnant of Despair, but now after waking up from the simulation, his frail body could barely withstand a gust of wind.
Today on the 27th of April, Komaeda decided not to go outside and sleep early instead.
It must’ve been still hours before sunset when his eyes snapped open, mind a muddled mess still clouded in sleep. His bedroom was dimly illuminated by a streetlamp outside, the silence deafening. He tried falling asleep again, turning from side to side, yet to no avail. So much for a good night’s sleep.
It wasn’t unusual to wake up suddenly in the middle of the night. Both he and Hinata were often restless at night, but then they’d always have each other to comfort and lull the other back to sleep. Just when had he become so dependable on another person? Regardless, if it was Hinata, it wasn’t such a bad thing he supposed.
Komaeda finally gave up on resting. There was no point when it just made him feel more and more antsy. His thoughts travelled back to the can of Blue Ram he’d spilled so carelessly yesterday. Maybe if he had that, he’d be able to relax…
Slipping into a pair of jeans and throwing on a coat, Komaeda left his apartment. Luckily, a 24hour convenience store had just recently opened in their neighborhood. Its bright neon lights in the middle of the dark night only attracted a few humans, but they all minded their own business, browsing the store or reading a few magazines. After the incident at Hope’s Peak, people were still weary of each other, and a neighborhood considered safe could still turn at any given moment, but Komaeda sensed no threat coming from those people. He lingered just a while longer before leaving the store with his drink and a few snacks.
The soda muffled his senses quickly, and he embraced the lightheadedness that followed. It slowed down his steps but Komaeda didn’t mind delaying his return back home the slightest. Yet when he reached the corner where he’d found it yesterday, his heartbeat went up nonetheless. He knew he should be minding his own business but curiosity got the best of him after all. Maybe in his sub-consciousness he wished to see the dog again, to find it either in a better or worse state than yesterday, both proving that he’d do no good in taking it in. There was still this kind of self-hatred rooted deep inside of him that he never quite seemed to be able to shake off. Hinata would scold him again and again for it, but his lectures had yet to have an effect, at least when he wasn’t right with Komaeda. If it wasn’t for the Blue Ram, he might feel the slightest bit embarrassed about his behavior, disregarding Hinata’s words so easily, but as he stepped into the narrow alley, he couldn’t care less.
He came closer and closer and…
Nothing.
Komaeda narrowed his eyes, wondering if the lack of light was to blame. But even as he got used to the darkness, there were no signs of the small animal. Slightly trampled weeds and the stray can he’d forgotten there the day before were the only traces of someone having been here recently. His shoulders dropped. The giddy feeling produced from both the soda and the expectation of chastise vanished into thin air, leaving him completely empty. It made him painfully aware of his own actions and finally, a flimsy layer of shame set in. What had he been thinking? Picking up the empty can on the ground, he continued his way back home.
He had almost reached his apartment, when a sudden noise behind him made him freeze. He didn’t dare turn around and forced himself to keep walking, cold sweat forming on his back. Was this what Hinata had warned him about? Or a form of payback for being so reckless? Was it the bad luck finally catching up to him after spending such a leisurely time with Hinata, making him forget all about it?
The pattering sound came closer. Were those footsteps?
It was going to happen. He was going to end here, never making it back home, never being able to see Hinata again. It was only fair, taking him when he was at his happiest, when he had just about accepted this kind of life, together with someone else. So he could at least say he’d been content in his last moments when—
“Bark!”
Komaeda’s eyes went wide, feeling like the air just got knocked out of his lungs. He spun around and just a little further away from him…
The dog from yesterday was happily wagging its tail, staring at Komaeda expectantly. It barked again and then toddled over to his side.
He barely had any time to step back before the small animal started licking at his shoe affectionately. Just what—
In his confusion, he just knelt down and ran his hand through the dog’s fur. Laughter bubbled in his throat and he was unable to hold it back.
“To think that… I got scared by something small as you?” The giggling left him breathless. “What were you thinking… sneaking up on me like that?”
The dog affectionately nuzzled its head against Komaeda’s hand and patiently waited until he had calmed down a little. He stared at it for a while in silence, before shaking his head, amused.
“Maybe you and I both, we deserve a second chance.”
Its tail seemed to wag just a little stronger.
During the whole way home, the dog stayed right by Komaeda’s side. He couldn’t tell if it just stuck around in hopes of more food, or because it simply seeked human contact, but maybe Komaeda wasn’t so different as well. A small part still told him that it would be better to leave the dog in the streets, but the loneliness that had settled in ever since Hinata had been gone had him longing for company as well. It was selfish and he’d never know when these feelings would backfire eventually. But maybe it was worth the wait.
On the night of the 28th of April, Komaeda’s birthday, he took the lost dog home, both watching over each other until they fell asleep together on the bed.
It wasn’t until several days later when Hinata finally returned from his mission with Future Foundation. The sun was already low in the sky when Komaeda heard the front door unlocking.
“I—, I’m home!”
He found Hinata still in the doorway, looking kind of nervous as if coming home to their shared apartment was still somehow unfamiliar to him.
“Hinata-kun, welcome home.” Komaeda greeted him with a warm smile.
Hinata was about to step forward, opening his arms in the beginning of a hug when a certain pitter-patter interrupted them.
The small dog, its white fur now clean thanks to an exhausting bathing session, rounded both of them a few times while barking excitedly. Seeing it cheerful like this made Komaeda laugh but he was quick to pick it up in order to silence it.
“Shh, shh, it’s alright! Say hello to Hinata-kun!” Komaeda was about to pass the dog into Hinata’s arms when he noticed the look he gave the dog. He seemed… completely shocked, his face paling quickly.
What was going on? Was Hinata angry with him? Did he not like Komaeda adopting a stray all of a sudden?
He took a step back, hugging the animal closer to his chest.
“Komaeda, this…”
Hinata seemed completely lost for words. Was his disgust that deep? Even if they had never spoken about pets, Komaeda wouldn’t have guessed such a strong repulsion towards them. Panic rose in his chest. Did Hinata know something? Could he sense a kind of danger Komaeda had invited by taking the dog with him? Involuntarily his breathing quickened, making him tremble.
When Hinata noticed this, he immediately stepped forward and put his hands on Komaeda’s shoulders. “Hey, hey, hey… everything is alright, Komaeda. Calm down.”
He swallowed hard but the weight of Hinata’s hands helped to keep him grounded. The shock in his eyes had vanished, now replaced with obvious concern.
“I’m… not upset or anything? I just—, hell, where in the world did you find Milk?” Hinata reached out to pet the dog’s head, scratching it behind its ears.
“Milk..?” Komaeda echoed, the shock and confusion transferring to him instead.
Hinata’s cheeks colored noticeably. “I, uhm… I found him during the mission and, I had him sent to Souda’s place so he could keep an eye on him, until, you know—“
Komaeda shook his head. He did not know. This small dog, the stray he’d randomly found in an alley a few days prior, was the same Hinata had encountered before?
“For, uhm… your birthday?” He smiled sheepishly. “I guess then… Happy Birthday Komaeda.”
His eyes went wide. This was surely some kind of mistake? The possibility of this happening was so low that…
Komaeda started laughing. He laughed and laughed until his vision was clouded and his cheeks felt wet and Hinata had to hold him to keep him stable. The dog, Milk, was patiently sat on the floor so Komaeda could properly lean close.
“Thank you,” he whispered against his shoulder. What a terrifying amount of luck both of them possessed to make such a thing happen. And to think that Milk had been a gift from Hinata all along! It would’ve been so easy for Komaeda to just abandon the stray, to never find it again. And yet here they were, all three of them safe and sound. Together.
“This damn Souda! I knew I should’ve asked Sonia instead. How can you even lose a pet?!” There was too much humor in Hinata’s voice for him to sound upset. “You two seem to be getting along fine though.”
Komaeda smiled, letting Hinata wipe off any evidence of tears on his face. “Even more so I’d like to know how you thought of the name Milk? Was it the color of its fur that served for your inspiration?”
Hinata spluttered, cheeks reddening again. “N—No, it’s just the… the characters for ‘future’, they can also be read as ‘milk’ and I thought that would be kind of…” He cleared his throat. “Cute. I thought it would be cute.”
Now it was Komaeda’s turn to blush and he quickly covered his mouth with his hand. A dog symbolizing ‘future’ as a gift? Had Hinata really put that much thought in it, just for his birthday? “I’m—“
“I know it’s cheesy, you don’t need to comment on that…” He feigned annoyance, expecting Komaeda to make fun of him for choosing such a weird name.
Instead, Komaeda looked at him, yet again teary eyed, a blissful smile on his face.
“If that’s the case, then I’ll do my best to nourish a wonderful ‘future’ together with Hinata-kun.”