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Music was blurred into a dull droning noise as it rang through the air of Jake’s new apartment. The tunes competed with the tipsy chattering of teens. The lights were comfortably low, but the drinks were still head high. He had invited the group circle over for a housewarming party, and things were getting a little out of control. Michael was trying to breakdance on the coffee table, insisting that if he danced hard enough, the table would actually break. Jake, still sober in hopes of protecting his home, knew that while the moves may not have an effect, the strain of his weight on the fragile thing would. Tiredly amused, he walked over and tried to convince him to get off the table. As he gently nudged him in the right direction, Rich had tried to jump on him like a strange hostile backpack.
“Jaaaake! Stop it! This is what parties are all about! Come oooon…” he whined, his lisp only stronger under the influence. As he hung on his back, he repeatedly pounded on his chest.
“Rich, no . I’m want to keep my place in tact for as long as possible. This place actually means something to me this time…” He added the last sentence timidly, unsure if the alcohol would allow his friend to comprehend that statement. He really hoped he didn’t. This place was supposed to help him get as far away from the memories as possible; the last thing he needed now was confrontation. For years, Jake has been able to live mostly comfortable with the fact that he was alone. He was fine. He thought he didn’t need any parental support because he had practically the entire school to look out for him, right? So, it was best to just keep it all underwraps. Besides, he was hosting a party. More specifically, a teenage party with alcohol, and those do not mix well with alcohol.
He was fine. Rich didn’t need to really see that.
Of course, he just happened to catch on somehow. “Bro… What do you mean this time? Liiiiike… You didn’t... You didn’t like your last house or anything? Are you um… Okay?” The alcohol was certainly muddling the fluency of his speech, but it was in no way clouding his emotions. Damnit , Jake thought. He didn’t need to have this conversation right now, not when everyone was bursting into tears of joy at the realization that Brooke had brought a twister mat.
Trying to get Rich off of his back, both literally and figuratively, he tried to shake him off as he responded vaguely with, “Yeah, I’m great! We got a Twister mat. It’ll be fun. Time to make some good memories.” The second he said it, he cringed at the emphasis in that last sentence. He had at least refrained from saying, “for once,” but the implications were still there. He was only sowing the seeds his initial words had planted.
As he climbed off his Jake’s back, Rich went around to his front side to completely face him. He looked up into his eyes and said genuinely, if not the most articulate, “Look… Jakey, my man… You… You’re like, a real good dude. Really good. Like, your always nice and shit and like… Damn. You’re attractive… I can say that because I’m bi. Yeah… But like we’re talking about you, so like I just wanna’ let you know that you’re awesome. Like I don’t think anyone says that enough? Everyone’s all talking about how cool you look and act, but no one just like… I don’t think we just talk about you enough. I wanna let you know though that like I would wanna talk about you. Just like your personality…” There was a moment of hesitation before he added, “I love you a lot, you know?” Then, Rich reached up to wrap his arms around Jake’s waist and pulled him as close as he could.
The last statement was surprising to say the least. It came out unfiltered, and Jake wasn’t sure if he meant it in a no homo way or like a really bisexual way. He sort of knew which way he would like it though. Whatever he meant, the brief spiel of feelings made him feel warm, like someone had just dropped a soft blanket over his shoulders. And in the moment that he reached down to return the hug he felt safe.
Pulling back, Rich, stood up on his toes, gently grabbed Jake’s face, and began to place little kisses all over him. He couldn’t find it within himself to pull back. Suddenly, he was at a loss with what to do with his hands. He wanted to put them on Rich’s hips, but he wasn’t sure if this was a situation in which he would do that. It felt strangely intimate, and he supposed it sort of was. He searched his brain for a way to label this scenario. He racked through words until eventually he found one. It felt domestic. Normal. Something that happened usually. This just felt right to him. Rich didn’t seem to be doing anything out of the ordinary.
At that thought, a strange fluttering feeling began to rise in Jake’s chest. He didn’t feel sick, but there was definitely stirring in his stomach. His heart was going just a little too fast, and if it weren’t for their hold on Rich’s sides, they would be shaking for sure. He was pretty certain his legs would give out too. Warmth spread across his cheeks with every light press of his lips, and he couldn’t remember what has happening in the room aside from this. Rich, him, and their touch. He wanted to feel that soft blanket again, like he did when they were embracing. He wanted to reciprocate these small kisses. This was something he wanted to experience again and again with Rich. As he struggled to understand why, he thought he should know what these feelings meant. They seemed like something he had heard of and known. He should’ve felt these at one point, but he couldn’t recall a moment. What was this feeling? It wasn’t new exactly ; it had happened before. Around Rich, actually. Again, he had to dig deep to find the name to this sensation. Slowly, the word became clear to him.
It… It was love wasn’t it?
That couldn’t be right, could it? Jake thought he had loved girls before. That wasn’t to say he didn’t want to love a boy, but this just felt different. He didn’t feel this way with the girls before. There were no fluttering hearts or wobbly knees. Just a strong admiration, greater than that he had felt towards other. That’s what love was right? That was all he had ever known it as. He loved them. It wasn’t that he didn’t love them he supposed. Maybe it was something else. Was there another kind of love? Could he love him?
Jake came to an answer when Rich pulled away, beaming at him. His grin looked absolutely radiant. His smile was wide, revealing the little tooth gap he was always conscious of. He was tilting his head to the side innocently, and his cheeks were flushed. From the drinks or the kisses he wasn’t sure, but Jake knew that it made him look adorable. At that, he decided, yes, he could love Rich. That sounded good. He loved Richard Goranski. In fact, he was in love with Richard Goranski.
Gleefully smiling back, he found himself compelled to act. Richard Goranski was an astounding young man, and he figured that Jake Dillinger should try to be one as well. He’d have to if he wanted to measure up to Rich. How to go about that though? He wasn’t one to exactly proclaim his love. He’d have to do it another way. As his eyes scanned the room for some sort of answer, his eyes fell upon an empty bottle sitting on the counter. He figured he’d have to loosen up first.
Making his way over, he cracked it open. Before downing the whole bottle, he lamented to himself, “I’m too sober for this.”