Archive of Our Own

"It's Christmas Day," said Scrooge to himself. "I haven't missed it.

The Spirits have done it all in one night......."

Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol (1843)

It was Christmas Eve, and he was alone. 

Steve McGarrett officially hated Christmas. He pressed his head further into the cushions trying to block out the cheerful sounds from the carol singers outside his door.  He was alone, felt thoroughly miserable, and it was all his own stupid fault.  Steve rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling ignoring the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. The tree he, Danny and Grace had decorated last weekend.  It had been a good day, full of love and laughter, and the cookies Danny had baked. Even though Grace was leaving the next day to spend the holidays with her grandparents in England, Danny had been happy. And Steve had been happy, happy to share the day with two people that were very important to him.

Steve grit his teeth against the wave of emotions that washed over him at the memory. He could almost hear Grace's giggles and Danny's laughter; he turned toward the back of the couch burying his head in the cushions again in an effort to drown out the happy sounds in his head. Steve groaned.  Danny probably hated him now, and he deserved it and wouldn't blame him one little bit.

Steve pounded his head against the cushions, idly wondering if he could just put himself out of his misery and smother himself.  Thoughts of Danny whizzed around his brain making him feel dizzy and even more miserable. He loved Danny. It should be that simple, but no Steve McGarrett had to make it difficult, if not impossible. After a year of dancing around each other, outrageously flirting, shouting and bickering, and driving everyone completely nuts, they had finally surrendered to their feelings and become lovers.  Over the last three months, the best of Steve's life, they had slowly built a relationship. It hadn't just been about hot sex, it had been learning and teaching one another, had been date nights, dinners, lazy weekends, days exploring the island, and nights dancing on the lanai to lame music. They still drove one another crazy on a daily basis, but underneath all the squabbling was a genuine affection and love. But Steve just couldn't say it, couldn't bring himself to say three little words – three huge life altering words, his traitorous brain supplied.

Steve loved Danny more than anything in the world, and it hurt like hell to be away from him. Danny's unconditional love for him made Steve feel like a million dollars, but relationships weren't his thing. Steve knew it. Danny knew it, and accepted it. Steve had tried so hard because his relationship with Danny was really important to him, but as usual he had messed it up with his inability to say or do the right thing. He totally sucked and he hated himself with a vengeance. Hated that he had hurt Danny with his cruel words, and hurt the only good thing in his life.

Steve jumped to his feet and paced up and down the living room desperately trying to get Danny out of his head. Moving over to the lanai door, Steve leaned against the wall and stared out distractedly at the beach, letting the sound of the waves breaking against the shore wash over and soothe him. 

Steve couldn't help it. His thoughts turned back to Danny and the events that lead him to be here, lonely and miserable.  Danny had been so happy preparing for a Christmas together, but for some reason Steve had found himself angry, anxious and unsettled. He couldn't explain the feelings even to himself, but deep down Steve knew it was because he was terrified of loving anyone. Terrified they wouldn't love him back, that he didn't deserve to be loved. He knew it was stupid, but the feeling had been slowly growing and festering in the run up to Christmas, making Steve feel tenser than usual.

Two days ago, when they had been alone at Five-0 finishing off some paperwork, Steve had snapped at Danny for no reason taking all his rage, fear and frustration out on his partner. Unusually, Danny had tried to calm him down, but a calm and sensible Danny had only made Steve feel angrier.  The rage that had bubbled under his skin for days erupted, and Steve had pushed and pushed until Danny had snapped, and they had spent half an hour screaming spiteful and hurtful words at each other. After accusing him of being a coward, and never having any feelings for him, Danny had stormed out of Five-0 with a shouted Merry Christmas over his shoulder and the glass door juddering as it slammed shut.  Steve hadn't seen or heard from him since. Two long days. You could have called or visited, his little voice accused.

Steve shook his head.  His vision became blurry, and Steve could feel the unshed tears waiting to fall. He gritted his teeth, but they ran down his cheeks unchecked anyway. Steve swiped at them angrily before rubbing his hand absently across his belly, the ache of his loneliness and missing Danny growing within him as he stared at the tree its bright twinkling lights challenging him to be happy. Steve turned away, and slumped back on the couch. He toyed with his cell phone trying to work up the courage to turn it back on, guessing Danny would have called him.  Steve sighed.  Sometimes he wished he could be more like Danny.  Danny was a hothead, loud, opinionated and argumentative, but deep down, he was a kind and gentle man, and always forgiving of Steve and his many quirks.   Steve's laugh turned into a choking sob. Danny loved like he lived – up front and in your face, and Steve missed him so much. In his heart, Steve wanted to call Danny and apologise, and beg him to come over, but his head kept reminding him that Danny might reject him, and Steve couldn’t bear the thought. He tossed the cell phone onto the coffee table. Steve flipped on the television idly channel hopping to distract himself from the temptation of picking up the phone and calling Danny. A film called Scrooged with Bill Murray was showing on Channel 22, and Steve laid his head back to watch.

Steve woke with a start looking around. The room was dark apart from the flickering light of the television screen and the lights from the Christmas tree. His hand automatically went to his hip.  Steve cursed; of course there was no gun.  Something was in the room, and Steve sat up, body tense.

"Steve."

Steve squinted into the half light. He licked at his dry lips, wishing he hadn't locked his weapon away. "Who's there?" he croaked scanning the room searching for the owner of the voice. It seemed familiar to him, and Steve shook his head trying to place the voice.

"Steve," the voice repeated.

Steve got to his feet, and glanced toward the corner of the room.  From the shadows, a white light appeared and seemed to grow before his eyes. The light moved towards him slowly, and Steve put his arm up shading his eyes from the brightness. The light shimmered slightly dulling in its intensity as a figure began to materialise in front of him. Steve's mouth dropped open in shock at the sight before him. "Dad," he whispered.  Steve blinked.  When he opened his eyes again, his father was still standing in front of him, in his uniform, a small smile playing on his lips, and a white light surrounding him.  "You're not real.  You're dead.  I heard you die."

His father chuckled.  "Yes I am. But I'm here now."

Steve bit at his lip cocking his head to one side, confused. He cautiously reached out toward his father, not really believing what he was seeing, but desperately wanting to touch, to feel his father.  As his fingers neared the light surrounding his father, it shimmered and sparked, and his father stepped back. 

"Sorry son," John McGarrett said, his tone regretful. 

Steve snatched his hand back with a nod.  He sucked in a deep breath, turning his head away.  "Why are you here?" 

"I've been sent to give you a message."

Steve narrowed his eyes at his father, folding his arms across his chest.  "A message?  Like Champ?"

John shook his head.  "No."

"I don't need another message from you."

"It's not from me."

"Then who?"

"Let's just say that it's from people who are grateful for what you have done in your life," he replied. "And feel you are owed a second chance. But first you must see."

"See what?" Steve was even more confused.

"That you deserved to be loved. That Danny needs you. And that you need Danny."

Steve turned away with a shake of his head. He could feel the flush rising up his neck at the thought of his father knowing about his relationship with Danny.  "You know about us?"

John chuckled.  "The whole island knew about you two before you even knew. I'm thinking neither of you realised that you've been dating since the day you met in our garage," John shook his head.  "Both too hard-headed and stubborn."

Steve swallowed hard at the reason for his first meeting with Danny. He couldn’t help the small smile as he remembered their first day as partners.  "He punched me on that first day."

"You probably deserved it," John said. 

Steve couldn’t help his pout. "May be," he conceded.  "He challenges me every day, never lets me get away with any crazy shit, as he is happy to point out … oh every five minutes."  Steve smiled again.

"You need him, son."

Steve shook his head. "I don't need anyone.  And Danny will be just fine without me to screw up his life too."

"I highly doubt you believe that."

Steve narrowed his eyes at his father.  "Danny has had enough shit in his life without me adding to it.  He's better off without me."

"And you?"

Steve jutted out his chin, filing away the hurt and misery of not having Danny in his life.  "I'll be just fine."

John shook his head.  "You're one stubborn man."

"I learned from the best," Steve snapped angrily.

"Yes you did, and for that I will always be eternally sorry.  Always regret what I did to you and Mary. I thought it was for the best, but I was wrong, so wrong. I should have been a better father to you both when your mother died. I did my best, but it was and will never be enough."

"I hated you," Steve said, his voice barely a whisper.  

"I know.  And this is my chance to do something for you.  Help show that you don't have to be alone. That you deserve to be happy."

"And if I want to be alone?"

"Trust me, you don't," John said.  He reached out toward Steve, nearly touching, but not quite. "Son, I have to go soon. So listen carefully.  Three spirits ...," he started to say.

"You're kidding right?" Steve quipped pulling a face.

John chuckled. "I don't make up the rules. I'm just delivering the message, as lame as it sounds."

Steve pulled another face which reminded John so much of his wife.  He bit his lip against the sudden pain he felt at the thought of his beloved wife.  John took a deep breath. "Three spirits will visit you tonight. They are coming to help you so don't do anything stupid, like shoot or try to blow them up."

"I can't promise."

John sighed in exasperation.  "Just give them a chance, son."  He looked over his shoulder.  "Time for me to go."

Steve wanted his father to stay longer, wanted the chance to say all the things he should have, but had been too hurt or too stubborn to say.  Regret curled in his stomach, and he reached out.  "Can't you stay a bit longer?"

"I wish I could, but I can't," John replied. "But I want you to know you were and will always be my champ, and I am so proud of the man you have become."

"Don't go," Steve mumbled as he fought against a sudden tiredness that seemed to overwhelm him. He stumbled toward the couch, slumped down and finally gave up the struggle to stay awake.  He felt a hand touch his face ghosting gently over his skin moving across his forehead and down his cheek. "Dad," Steve murmured.  Steve felt warm all over, and mumbled as he descended further into the darkness until the voice and the sounds around him disappeared completely.

Namakaokahai – Sea Goddess

Steve fought his way back to consciousness.  Something was touching his knee, and he kicked his leg out.  Sitting up, Steve opened his eyes and looked around the room.  His father had disappeared, and he felt a sharp stab of pain at the loss. 

Steve sensed he wasn't alone, and jumped to his feet, alert.  He turned.  The young native woman standing near the lanai door beckoned to him.  She was wearing a long flowing pale ocean blue gown.  Her dark hair fell over her bare tanned shoulders and down her back. She wore a lei made of dark green leaves on her head.  "Aloha," she held out her hand again. 

Steve shook his head.  "This isn't happening.  This is a really bad dream."

"You're not dreaming."  The young woman smiled. "My name is Namakaokahai."

"The sea goddess?"

She nodded. "We were told the sea was important to you, a part of your life, so they decided to send those who you would have an affinity to. Tonight, my friends and I will represent your past, your present and your future."

Steve folded his arms across his chest.  "Okay. You got my attention."

Namakaokahai offered her hand to Steve.  "Don't be afraid.  Hele mai." 

Against his better judgment, Steve took a cautious step toward the woman. "I can't believe I'm doing this," he reached out, and nervously took her offered hand.  The living room spun, and seemed to disappear into a pale light. Steve felt dizzy and light-headed. He closed his eyes against the sensation, hoping he wasn't going to throw up all over a sea goddess. Moments later, he heard familiar voices and he slowly opened his eyes.

Steve was still standing in the living room, but it seemed different. Older, more homely and lived in. He frowned, confused. Steve glanced around, his mouth dropping open in surprise.  A young Mary was helping their mother dress a Christmas tree with brightly coloured baubles and tinsel.  Steve could see the excitement in Mary's eyes as she carefully held out each bauble to their mother to put on the tree. 

Steve looked sideways at the young woman who was still holding his hand tightly and smiling. "What the hell? How?" he stammered.

Namakaokahai looked up at Steve. "These are but shadows of the things that have been. They cannot see us. Hakilo."  She turned back to watch.

Despite himself, Steve turned his eyes back to the familiar room and the last Christmas they had spent as a happy family. It was the one Steve always remembered when he sometimes thought of Christmas, the last one with his mother.  The last time he and his family were truly happy.

His mother was humming carols and Mary was giggling.  Mary turned as a fifteen year old Steve walked into the room, followed by his father.  "Stevie," Mary screeched as she ran over and hugged his younger self.  "I'm helping Mom decorate the tree."  Mary bounced up and down excitedly.

"I can see that," young Steve replied with a small smile as he returned the hug. 

"Mom," Mary said.  "Can we have our candy canes now?"  Mary looked up at Steve.  "I saved the best for you Stevie."

"Of course you can sweetheart," his mother replied, moving to stand next to his father.  "They're in the kitchen."

"Yay," Mary yelled, tugging Steve toward the kitchen.

"Save some for us you two," his father shouted.

"We will, Dad," young Steve replied with a grin. 

His mother and father were laughing as they moved back over to the tree, his father handing baubles for his mother to hang on the branches.

Steve turned away from the laughter. "It was the best Christmas ever. Even though Dad had to work Christmas Day, but he got home in time for dinner.  We never had another Christmas like it.  After Mom died, we didn't even put a tree up, and then he sent us away."

Namakaokahai nodded in understanding.  "My time is short, and we must visit another Christmas."

Steve obediently turned to where Namakaokahaiwas pointing.  The room had faded, and Steve was standing in a cave. Cold, grey and bare.  Steve saw himself, dressed in combats, face blacked out. One of many Christmas' he didn’t want to remember.  He could almost feel the oppressive heat, and smell the stink of death.  Steve closed his eyes knowing what he was about to do – in a few hours, men would die at his hands. Men who would never see their families again. He shivered at the memories, shoving them back down where they belonged.

Namakaokahai was still firmly holding his hand, and she turned her face up toward him.  Steve shrugged.  "Just another mission."

"You volunteered?  So another lieutenant could have Christmas with his family?"

Steve shrugged again. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes at the unwanted memories. "Scott Edison. He was a good man."

"It was a good thing you did," Namakaokahai said.

Steve bit at his bottom lip. "As it turned out, it was his last with his family.  He was killed in action a month later, but at least his little girls had their last Christmas with their father."

 Namakaokahai nodded.  "And you?"

Steve turned away from the scene and his memories. "I didn't matter. I'd stopped believing in Santa, Christmas and all that stuff a very long time ago."

Namakaokahai raised her hand touching his face gently. Steve started at the soft caress, before pressing into the touch unconsciously.  "Christmas can be a happy time for you again, Commander, if you allow it. Don't turn your back on Christmas and people that love you because your faith for all good things has been destroyed.  You must leave yesterday's unhappiness and memories firmly in the past where they belong," she whispered. "You have been offered love, but you need to be brave enough to accept it. Love can be an adventure too," she stroked her hand down Steve's face. "Pomaikai."

"What do I need luck for," Steve mumbled, his eyes growing heavy again.

Kanaloa – Sea God

Steve woke with a start looking wildly around the room.  Namakaokahai had disappeared.  The dark never to be forgotten memories swirled around his head making Steve feel dizzy. He remembered all the lonely Christmas' spent on one mission or another, burying himself in his Navy career trying to forget everything and everyone that had ever hurt him. Steve had never celebrated, and never returned to his home for the holidays. Regret churned in his belly. In an effort to clear his head from sad and unwanted memories, Steve wandered into the kitchen to make himself some coffee.

He turned around to retrieve a mug, and came face to face with a large round faced man beaming at him. Steve thought he looked like a younger more muscled version of his friend Mamo.  Bare-footed with leathery tanned skin, greying long hair, sparkling crystal blue eyes, and wearing only a loin cloth.  

The mug, Danny's favourite, slipped through his fingers to the floor, smashing into hundreds of pieces.  Steve glared up at the man.  "How the hell did you get in?"

"Aloha.  And you were expecting me," the man beamed.  "I am Kanaloa. Protector of all mariners."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Of course you are." He didn't want to admit it, but his encounter with Namakaokahai had unsettled him, and Steve didn't want to talk to any more spirits, or see any more painful memories.  He just wanted to be left alone.

Kanaloa chuckled.  "A non-believer?"

Steve shook his head. "I grew up hearing the stories of all Hawaii's gods and goddesses."

"No need to be afraid of me young man. I am your friend. I am friend to all mariners even you modern young things," he waved a hand at Steve.

"Why are you here?"

"Your father told you why you are being visited tonight."

Steve glared at Kanaloa.  "Leave my father out of this."

Kanaloa held Steve's gaze not flinching.  "I am friend to John McGarrett too, and his father."

Steve turned away, and gripped the kitchen counter. He counted to ten in his head before turning back to the spirit.  "Just go away. Leave me alone. I'm happy with my life."

"Are you?"

Steve jutted his chin out defiantly and nodded, hoping the spirit didn't sense his lie. "I don't want to see whatever it is you want to show me. I don't need to see," he managed to force out.

"You have no choice."

Steve narrowed his eyes, and folded his arms across his chest. He could feel his anger rising. Steve wasn't going to leave with this man. He was staying right here in his house alone, where he belonged. "I have a choice, and I choose not to go with you." 

"May be one of your tactics will persuade you," Kanaloa suggested with a wide grin. "Knock the stubborn out of you."  Kanaloa leaned forward and grabbed Steve's wrist. "First rule of dealing with a spirit.  You never say no."

Steve tried to wriggle free, but was surprised at how firm the older man's grip was.  His living room disappeared, and Steve closed his eyes tight. Wind howled in his ears, whipped against his skin. He could taste salt on his lips; hear the ocean, the roar of the waves, and feel the power of the water smashing against his body.  He felt the familiar weightlessness of being under the water.  The ebb and flow of the tide disorientated him for a moment before instinct took over, and Steve kicked hard surfacing with a splutter. His clothes were heavy against his skin, and Steve coughed shaking his head and wiped at his face. He glanced around. He was in a shark cage in the middle of the ocean.  Treading water, he looked around again. No boat in sight. No Kanaloa.  Steve was alone, and the cage was being circled by what Steve knew were tiger sharks. He licked at his lips. If Danny could see him now, he would never hear the end of it.  God, Steve missed him so much. "Okay," he yelled.  "You've had your fun," he smacked his hand against the surface of the water. 

The sound of the ocean dulled, and silence reigned. The waves quelled, making the ocean look shiny and black. Steve looked around panicked as the cage disappeared, and the sharks turned toward him.  He closed his eyes yelping in surprise as a strong hand curled around his wrist and tugged hard.  Suddenly, he found himself standing in Danny's apartment, his clothes dry and a grinning Kanaloa at his side.

Kanaloa laughed a deep throaty laugh. "You should have seen the look on your face. I bet your partner would have loved to see you stranded in a shark cage."

"I could have drowned."

Kanaloa laughed again. "I told you I protect all mariners, even the young stubborn ones."

Steve glared at Kanaloa before looking around, making a mental note to never tell Danny.  A small lopsided tree stood in the corner, brightly decorated in red its lights sparkling in the dim light. Streamers hung from the ceiling and a holly garland adorned the only shelf in the apartment. A sprig of mistletoe had been hung over the doorway.

"Why have you brought me here? Take me back now," Steve demanded angrily.

Kanaloa ignored Steve's demand. "This is the present. Yours and Danny's present," he explained. "The present you could have if you weren't so stupid and hard-headed. A Neanderthal, I think Danny calls you on occasion."

Steve glowered at Kanaloa who simply pointed a finger.  Danny had his back to them, and he was talking on his cell phone.  "Of course, I'm not alone monkey.  I'm on my way to Uncle Steve's house.  I promise.  We're gonna have a nice dinner together."  Danny crossed the fingers of one hand behind his back.  "Now you be good or Santa won't visit … you're never too big to believe in Santa.  I know I do.  Look, I have to go now. Uncle Steve will be waiting for me. You have fun with grandma and grandpa, and I'll see you when you get home.  We'll spend a whole weekend together … yeah Uncle Steve too.  Danno loves you."

Danny's fingers crossed behind his back made Steve smile – it was strangely endearing.  The grin faded when Steve realised he was the reason for the lie. He sighed, hating himself a little bit more.

Danny slumped down on the couch. Steve noticed Danny kept glancing up toward the door as though he was waiting for someone. Steve felt his stomach churn and his heart twisted in pain. "Danny," he whispered. Steve wanted to turn away, but found he couldn't.

Danny leapt to his feet and paced the room muttering under his breath. His pacing become more purposeful, and Steve was afraid Danny would wear a hole in the already threadbare carpet.  At each length of the room, Danny banged his fist against the wall before turning.  Steve tilted his head to one side; he couldn't hear all of what Danny was saying, but caught his name several times, plus asshole, stupid and stubborn. Steve rolled his eyes not a bit surprised that Danny talked and ranted to himself.  If there was an Olympic ranting sport, Danny would easily win gold. 

Snatching his cell phone from the table Danny stabbed at the keys.  "Steve," Danny yelled, before lowering his tone.  "I know you hate me right now. But please call me when you get this. I miss you." Danny snapped the cell phone closed and threw it on the couch. Danny went over to the window and stared out into the distance.

"It would seem your partner is mad at you."

"That's his default.  He's always mad at me."

Kanaloa chuckled.  "Must be love."

Steve glared. "Can he see me?" he asked. Kanaloa shook his head. Steve worried his bottom lip, and moved slowly toward Danny.  Danny was still staring out of the window lost in his thoughts. Steve lifted his hand, and gently caressed Danny's face. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "But it's for the best.  I won't be responsible for screwing up your life too."

Danny seemed to turn toward him, and Steve stepped back panicked. Danny looked around the room a puzzled look on his face. He reached up to his face fingering the area where Steve had just touched him. His skin tingled and he frowned. Danny strode across the room again and snatched up his cell phone again and dialled. "Babe.  Please call me. I want.... I want us to be together.  I thought you did too. Was I really that wrong?  Damn you. Stop being a stupid son of bitch and stubborn asshole and call me," he snapped the phone shut again, and returned to his place at the window staring out into the distance.

Steve turned his back on the scene. It hurt to see Danny so miserable and alone. "Why did you bring me here?" he asked.

"To learn," Kanaloa answered.

"Pretend I'm an idiot."

Kanaloa grinned, and stared at Steve.

Steve rolled his eyes. 

Kanaloa grinned again.  "You, Commander, need to learn that you are not the only one who is afraid.  Danny is too."

"I' m not afraid of anything," Steve drew up to his full height folding his arms against his chest. "And neither is Danny."

Kanaloa chuckled. "I have no doubt that you're a very brave young man. You have proved it many times in the past, in the present, and you will again, in the future," he said. "But it doesn't alter the fact that you're afraid of loving Danny. Afraid that he will stop loving you.  So instead of facing your fears you pushed him away. Ran from him.  Decided that being alone and miserable was best for you.  Best for Danny."

Steve turned away from the spirit.  "In the long run, it'll be best for Danny.  He'll thank me in the end.  It's the right thing to do."

"Just like you thanked your father for doing what he thought was right?"  Kanaloa fixed Steve with a cool stare. "You don’t get to decide for other people, Commander. Like you, they have to make their own decisions, their own mistakes."

Steve glared. 

"Danny asks for nothing in return?"

Steve shook his head.

"But he still loves you. Still wants to give you his love."

"How can you know that?" Steve snapped.

"You believe in many things. You believe in me. In Namakaokahai. In her sister, Pele. In all the Hawaiian traditions and legends that you grew up hearing stories about from your good friend, Mamo," Kanaloa responded quietly.  "You have seen so many things, some beautiful, many many more ugly and evil.  What you have seen in your life other people would have nightmares about, wouldn't believe. But you're a believer Commander.  Yet you can't believe in something as simple as someone loving you, for who you are."

"But," Steve started. Feeling guilty at hearing the truth, he glanced away from Kanaloa and studied his feet. He kicked at the floor distractedly. The truth always hurts, his father had told him once.  God, it hurt. Steve sighed; Danny was alone and it was his fault.  

"Danny wanted to give you the Christmas you had given up on. Wanted to make up for all the years you have missed out on Christmas."

Steve quietly stared at the scene. He desperately wanted to be close to Danny, but Kanaloa was right, he was afraid. Afraid that Danny would reject him. Steve steeled his heart ignoring the obvious he could see before him. Danny was better off without him. But his traitorous mind kept showing him images of Danny and him together loving each other, kissing one another under the mistletoe Danny had placed over the doorway. Steve shook his head to rid himself of the images. He started as Kanaloa touched his elbow.

"You could still be with him. You have time to get there before Christmas," Kanaloa said softly as though he had been reading Steve's mind.

"No," Steve said stubbornly pulling his arm away from the older man. "I told you that he'll be better of without me."

"I don't think you really believe that," Kanaloa stated firmly.

"I'm not very good at forever."

"Then let Danny teach you. He's a good man with a big heart.  He may have been hurt in the past by his ex-wife, but I know he desperately wants forever with you. He thinks you're worth it. Why don't you?"

Steve shrugged.  He scowled at the older man in defeat. "I hurt him. I was so cruel. He hates me. It's too late."

"Does that look or sound like he hates you?" Kanaloa waved a hand at the scene before them.

Steve frowned.  Why can't I tell him that I love him?"

"Only you know the answer to that question."

"I thought you were here to help me?"

"I am, but there are some questions even I don't have the answer to.  You know the answer, you just have to work it out for yourself," Kanaloa softened his voice. "And take my advice. It's never too late. The quarrels and the hurt of the past and the present are unimportant.  All that matters is that you love Danny. And he loves you.  Love will find a way, it always does."

"May be."

"A hui hou kakou," Kanaloa bowed low.  "Pomaikai."

Ku – War God

Steve stared at the mug in his hand. Danny's favourite mug wasn't broken. He looked around in confusion. Steve finished making his coffee dropping once again onto the couch staring distractedly at the television. He couldn't face eating and he felt tired. He lay back against the pillows drifting into a fitful sleep. Danny filled his dreams and Steve moaned Danny's name. Danny drifted towards him his arms outstretched. His partner was trying to tell him something, but Steve couldn't hear the words. Steve shifted restlessly, his head moving from side to side. "Danny," he shouted sitting bolt upright.

His heart thudded, his mouth was dry and Steve could feel the sweat dripping down his neck.  He took deep calming breaths and glanced around the room.  He was still alone. Sinking back into the cushions, Steve stared up at the ceiling trying to gather his thoughts breathing deeply. Shivering, he ran his hand through his hair. "You are becoming seriously deranged. Now quit it and pull your head out of your ass," he reprimanded as he slowly got to his feet. He wandered over to the lanai door again, and stared out to the ocean.  The restless feeling remained, and Steve rolled his shoulders and stretched. 

"You were expecting me," a harsh voice growled.

Steve spun round.  "Where are you?  Who are you?" he shouted. "Why can't you all just leave me alone? I won't listen to you. I won't." He turned back to stare out over the ocean, determined to ignore the voice putting his hands over his ears. "I can't hear you." Steve began to hum Dr Hook loudly to himself hoping to drown out the voice.

"You will listen to me," the voice boomed. "I will not be ignored."

Steve snatched up his back-up weapon from where he had hidden it, behind some books.  He turned and scanned the room quickly. A dark cloaked shape stood in one corner of the room. Steve took aim his finger tightening on the trigger. The shadow moved forward. Without hesitation, Steve pulled the trigger. The bullet hit the figure firmly dead centre. Steve fired a second shot. Then a third. And a fourth until the magazine was empty. The figure seemed to explode into a thousand pieces scattering like confetti in front of Steve. The cloak dropped to the floor empty.

Steve lowered his weapon, and moved forward cautiously. He kicked at the empty cloak with his toe. Nothing.  Steve jumped back in shock as the black particles came from nowhere spinning around and around in front of him like a mini tornado. The particles disappeared under the empty cloak.  Steve backed away as the lights dimmed, and the cloak rose from the floor forming once again into a solid shape.  "You can't hurt me," the voice growled.  "I am Ku, God of War."

Steve lowered his gun.  Without warning, the weapon was wrenched out of his hand. It flew through the air and hit the wall dropping to the floor with a dull thud.  Steve had a feeling that he wouldn't be allowed to retrieve the weapon so instead took a cautious step forward to get a better look at his visitor.

"You don't need to see me. You only need to see what I have to show you," the voice barked sharply.

Steve stopped in his tracks. He had caught a glimpse of Ku. A large and muscled creature with greyish skin. Ku had bulging eyes and a protruding tongue, or was it tongues, Steve wasn't sure.  One hand held a lethal looking weapon whilst the other arm was deformed, over-sized with tiny skulls scattered along its length.  It looked like a dragon to Steve, but he wasn't really certain what it was.  He took a step backward.  "And if I don’t want to see what you have to show me?"

"You have no choice."  

"So I've been told."

Ku chuckled, harsh and throaty.  "And you still haven't learned."

Steve felt dizzy, and when he opened his eyes again, he was in Danny's apartment once more.  Everything looked the same as before, the tree, the streamers, even the mistletoe over the doorway.  But there was no Danny.  "Where's Danny?  Is this the future?" Steve asked puzzled.

Ku nodded, and pointed toward the door. Steve found himself outside. He looked around trying to get his bearings. Steve didn’t recognise the area, but he guessed it was somewhere in downtown Honolulu.  "I don't see him.  What have you done with him?"

Ku pointed again.

Steve heard the shot, then a second. He ran toward the sound. He skidded around the corner finding himself in a dark alleyway. He squinted, letting his eyes get used to the darkness.

Steve saw a uniformed officer slumped against the wall. Hatless, his gun drawn, but loose in his hand, the officer was staring down at a body on the ground.  "Danny," Steve screamed as he ran toward the officer.  He glanced at the officer – a rookie – who was obviously in shock.

"The perps got away," the young rookie whispered still staring downward.  "He saved my life."

Ignoring the officer, Steve dropped to his knees. "Danny," he whispered. He pulled Danny into his arms, cradling him. Danny didn't move or twitch. Didn't make a sound. Steve stroked a finger down  Danny's face. His skin was icy cold, and Danny's lips had a blue tinge to them.  Steve shook Danny gently. "Please," he whimpered. Steve looked up at the HPD officer.  "Do something," he yelled, but sensed he wasn't going to get any help.  He shifted slightly ignoring the puddle he was kneeling in.

"He saved my life," the officer repeated, eyes glassy, as he slid down the wall, gun still clutched in his hand.  

Steve turned his attention back to Danny. It was only then Steve noticed his hands and shirt were covered in blood,  that he was kneeling in a puddle of blood.  Danny's blood.  "This isn't right. Danny can't die. He'll be okay right? This can't be the future," Steve cried peering back toward the shadowy figure.  Steve hugged Danny closer.  "I won't let this be the future."

Ku pointed again.

It was like watching a movie. Steve saw himself standing in a cemetery, hiding behind a large tree watching silently. Grace was kneeling by a gravestone arranging a small posy of flowers.  She was crying.  

Ku pointed again.

Swallowing hard, Steve forced his feet to move. He didn't want to see. Guessed what he would see when he looked at the gravestone. Steve brushed at his face. It was wet with tears. He moved closer, squinting at the gravestone, forcing himself to read the simple inscription, burning the words into his memory. More tears blurred his vision, and Steve turned away.  There would be no more happy Christmas holidays for Grace – they would be forever associated with her beloved Danno dying.  "This is a dream.  Danny doesn't die.  He can't die.  I won't believe this is the future."

"You didn't want to spend Christmas with him, so he volunteered to work a shift with HPD.  Let officers with family have time off so they could be with their families. He died saving the rookie officer from a drug dealer."

"No."

"His daughter lost him because you wouldn't face your feelings for him, wouldn't admit you loved him."

"Shut up."

"You were frightened, and Danny paid the price."

"No." Steve screamed falling to the ground. "Danny."

"He died because you didn't want to love him," Ku accused.  "And even though you don't deserve it, Pomaikai."

Christmas Day

"Danny," Steve shouted. He flailed his arms and rolled falling off the couch with a thud.  He yelped as his head connected with the corner of the coffee table. Momentarily stunned, Steve lay on the floor battling to get his breathing and panic under control. His head ached, and his memory was blurry and jumbled. He'd been dreaming. No, a nightmare. Danny was dead, and it was all his fault.

Steve sat bolt upright, and looked around confused for a minute.  The fog cleared from his mind - he was still in his living room, and Steve blew out a shaky breath. Something wet was running down his face, and he swiped his hand across his forehead.  Steve looked down at his hand, now covered in blood.  "Damn," he cursed.  He got shakily to his feet, and stumbled upstairs to the bathroom.

Steve looked in the mirror to assess the damage. He had a cut over his right eye which was oozing blood. He grabbed a cloth, and held it up to his head to stop the flow. Looking back to the mirror Steve jumped back in shock. The reflections of three faces stared back at him.  They seemed to be speaking to him, and Steve thought he could hear their words in his head. The room had begun to spin so he closed his eyes leaning on the sink for support. When the dizziness abated, Steve opened his eyes cautiously peering at the mirror. The images had disappeared. Shaking his head, Steve cleaned up his cut and hastily applied a bandage.

Steve spent the next half an hour restlessly wandering the house trying to make sense of everything he had been shown.  He knew, now, it hadn't been a dream. It had been real. He slumped down on the couch again, and put his head in his hands. Steve couldn't seem to stop the trembling, and he gritted his teeth. "You have been so stupid," he thought miserably. He glanced at his watch, it was after midnight. It was Christmas Day.  May be it wasn't too late after all.

Half an hour later with three HPD cruisers following, Steve was squealing to a halt in downtown Honolulu at the last known location of Officer Keahi and Danny.  He flung the door open, and gun in hand raced toward the familiar alleyway.  His heart thudded, and his mouth was dry.  "Please don't let me be too late," he whispered. 

As he neared the alleyway, Steve could just about make out two figures about to enter.  "Danny," he shouted. One of the figures stopped, and looked in his direction. It was Danny, and Steve breathed a sigh of relief. 

"What the hell?" Danny shouted.

"Get down," Steve yelled, hoping for once in his life Danny didn't argue with him.

Danny wondered how Steve knew where he'd be, but decided the time for questions was probably later.  They may not have been on speaking terms at the moment, but he trusted Steve with his life so Danny shoved Officer Keahi to one side. He heard the shot; the bullet grazed his arm before slamming into the wall where he had been standing a moment ago. He cursed grabbing for his now bleeding arm, and with his body shoved Keahi down and behind some boxes for cover. His arm throbbed, and Danny briefly closed his eyes. He could hear Keahi's panicked breathing and trembling.  Danny opened his eyes.  "It'll be okay kid. My idiot partner is out there doing … well you wouldn't really wanna know."

Keohi stared at him and nodded, eyes wide with shock.  "Okay."  It was barely a whisper.

Danny smiled encouragingly as he watched Steve and HPD back-up rush into the alley.  Instead of chasing after the perps, Steve dropped down next to Danny.  "You okay."

"Just peachy," Danny winced in pain.  

"Let me see." Steve grabbed Danny's arm, and quickly inspected the oozing wound. He pressed around the wound satisfying himself that the bullet had only scraped a long gouge in Danny's arm, and that it probably wouldn't even need stitches.   

Danny wriggled out of Steve's grip. "Son of a bitch. That hurts."

"Don't be such a baby."

Danny glared, and slapped at Steve's hand. "Just so you know your bedside manner sucks."

Steve chuckled, and glanced at the pale-faced rookie.  "Are you okay Keahi?"

Keahi nodded. 

Danny frowned, and poked Steve's arm.  "Aren't you going out there?" he waved his good arm in the air.  "And jump off a tall building or do some other crazy assed stunt."

Steve shrugged.  "HPD can handle it."

Danny frowned again.  "Who are you, and what have you done with my partner?"

"Danny."

"And you brought back up with you?"

Steve glared. "You're a bad influence on me."

Danny snorted. "Obviously my words of wisdom on proper police procedure have finally penetrated that thick skull of yours."

"I always listen to you."

"You do not." Danny poked at Steve's chest. "You, Commander Gung-Ho, suffer from selective hearing every time I mention rules and regulations."

"But you do it so nicely," Steve teased.

"I so hate you."

Steve peeked around the boxes to see HPD officers marching the now handcuffed perps down the alleyway toward the cruisers. "It's all clear, and you're getting checked out by the paramedics." Steve hauled Danny to his feet. "You too," Steve beckoned to Keahi.

Danny rolled his eyes.  "Says the man with the bandage on his head."

Two hours later……

Danny rolled his shoulders as he jogged down the stairs. His arm still ached, the gouge from the bullet throbbing, but the hot shower had made him feel much better. He glanced around the room, looking for Steve. Danny guessed where he would be, and moved over to the lanai door. He leaned against the frame, watching Steve paddle in the ocean.

Danny sighed – everything was okay. The perps had been arrested and were now safely locked up, Officer Keahi had been sent home, nobody had died on Christmas Day, even the paperwork had been processed.  Danny had been treated by the paramedics on site, having insisted he didn't need to go to the hospital. He rubbed gently at his bandaged arm trying to ease the ache deciding against further painkillers.

Once the paramedics had finished with him, Steve had half dragged Danny over to his truck.  Danny was still mad at Steve, and wanted to protest, but something in Steve's eyes – something he didn't recognise – made Danny get into the truck without complaint. Okay, he complained a little, not wanting Steve to think he had gone soft in the head. Steve had been silent the whole drive, and Danny had drifted off to sleep, the painkillers finally taking effect.  Once inside the house, Steve had suggested he take a shower, and then disappeared.

Danny sighed.  Steve was sometimes a complete mystery to him, but Danny knew – deep down – he wouldn't have it any other way.  He loved Steve with everything he was, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life showing Steve he deserved to be loved, deserved to be happy.  He didn't want hearts and roses, chocolates, or daily declarations of love, Danny just wanted Steve.  It was that simple to Danny, but of course, Steve had to complicate things. 

Danny pushed himself off the door frame, jogging down toward the water's edge.  He nudged Steve's shoulder.  "I'm still mad at you."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."  Steve nudged Danny's shoulder back.

"How did you know?"

"What?"

"Where I was?"

Steve shrugged. "I had help."

"Help?"

Steve nodded, and turned back to stare at the ocean. 

"That's it?  That's all I'm getting."

Steve nodded again.

Danny threw his hands up the air.  "You are without a doubt the most infuriating man on the planet.  It's an art form with you. And if you damn well tell me it's classified, I will bury your body in the sand, and they will never find you."

Steve laughed. 

"What did I ever do to get you as my partner?"

Steve smirked.  "Just lucky I guess."

Danny rolled his eyes. "I sure must have offended the gods or something to get landed with you Captain Infuriating."

"Lieutenant Commander."

"See what I mean?" Danny's hands wind milled in the air

Steve smirked.  "And they like you. The gods."

"What?"

"What were you thinking?  Keahi's a rookie."

Danny rolled his eyes at Steve's deflection. "We were all rookies once, babe. Well … I guess you were a baby SEAL."

"Still," Steve glared. "What were you thinking?  He's a rookie.  You had no back up."

Danny snorted. "I've been working with you too long."

"You could have been killed," Steve pulled Danny into his arms, the guilt churning in his belly. "And it would have been all my fault.  I could have lost you." Steve tugged Danny close scattering kisses all over his face. 

"Hey," Danny pushed Steve away, stroking a hand down his face. "I'm here. I'm okay. And nothing is your fault. I'm an adult. And newsflash I make my own decisions."

"I know, but I never said it …."

"Babe," Danny interrupted. He knew Steve loved him, but had a hard time with the romantic part of their relationship, finding saying the words difficult so he usually avoided them. Danny didn't mind - it was just part of the Steve he loved.  "I just want you in my life, by my side. Nothing else matters to me." Danny leaned up, and gave Steve a chaste kiss.  "Everything else is just ... well just like window dressing.  It's not really important." He pulled back giving Steve a small smile.

Steve gave a half nod. He searched Danny's face for any evidence of a lie, but all he found – just as he had known he would – was love, affection and a just small hint of exasperation.  He looked out over the ocean. Steve squinted convinced he could see Namakaokahai, Kanaloa and Ku riding above the waves, swore he could hear their encouraging words over the sound of the wind and ocean.  Steve blinked, and looked again, but they had disappeared.

Steve worried his bottom lip for a moment before taking a deep breath.  It was now or never. Danny deserved this. He deserved this. Steve pulled Danny closer, hugging him hard. "I love you," he whispered in Danny's ear. "Aloha au la 'oe."

"You don't have to say it," Danny whispered. "I know you do. Okay?"

Steve pouted. "But I want to. You deserve it. I deserve it.  And just in case you missed it the first time, I said it in Hawaiian too."

Danny smacked at Steve's arm.  "You are such a damn smart ass."

"But you love me anyway?"

Danny smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I'm always mad at you," Danny teased.

"Do I get a kiss?"

Danny rolled his eyes. He pulled Steve even closer and claimed in his lips in a searing kiss. Steve moaned as he leant into the kiss, opening his mouth to allow Danny access. Tongues fought as they deepened the kiss hungrily.

Out of breath, they pulled apart staring at one another. "Can you ever forgive me for being such an asshole. For hurting you?" Steve asked his expression serious

Danny smiled, and ran his fingers down Steve's face tracing a finger along his lips. "There's nothing to forgive.  I get it, okay?"

Steve gave a slight nod and leaned towards Danny.

They sighed as they wrapped their arms around each other pulling the other close relaxing into the embrace. Steve buried his head into Danny's shoulder. "I thought I was doing the right thing. Pushing you away.  But I was wrong.  And I should have called you, but I just couldn't.  Stupid.  Stupid."

"Ssshhhh," Danny soothed. "We're here now. That's all that matters." He kissed Steve softly. "This is gonna sound sappy, but say it again. Just once more and then you never have to say it again."

"In which language?"

"Tell me why I love you again?"

Steve laughed. He lifted a hand gently caressing Danny's face. "I love you," he smiled again. "And I'll always love you even when you're yelling at me." He kissed Danny's lips softly. "And I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you."

Danny grinned. "How about you and I go up to the house, and make use of all that mistletoe you got up there?"

"Sounds like a plan," Steve tugged on Danny's hand, leading him up the beach.

"What kind of help did you have?"

"It's classified."

"I hate you."

END