Archive of Our Own

Levi had been awake for several hours, sitting in his chair in the kitchen, watching the embers sizzle in the oven. Another night of little sleep. Sometimes he wondered if he would sleep better in his bed, but it had been too long since he had tried that. He leaned his head to the side and rested it on the wing of the chair, hoping that he might doze more, but he already felt awake. The anxiety wouldn't let him rest. His mother was getting worse, and he knew that he needed to go get the doctor for her again.

Surrendering to being awake, Levi sat up in the chair, pushing the blanket off his upper body. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and inhaled. Bathing would help him wake up, and then he needed to start the broth for lunch.

Levi pulled the old blanket off his lap and folded it up, laying it on top of the back of the chair. He picked up the candle holder from the little table that he kept next to his chair and stood, waiting for all of his joints to pop and complain appropriately before moving over to the stove. He took a match from the shelf, put it against the dying embers and waited for it to ignite. A little flame rose to life on the end of the stick, and he lit his candle before he blew the match out and put it back in the little glass jar.

Taking the candle into the bathroom, Levi looked around, found his towel was still hanging on the side of the tub from the day before. He lit the lamp above the sink, setting the candle holder on the shelf for later. Not bothering to warm up his water, Levi filled the tub half full before untying his sleeping pants and slipping out of them and his underwear. He folded them up and set them on top of the toilet lid before he stepped into the tub, taking his towel and dropping it on top of the clothes. Sitting down, Levi rinsed himself off before he picked up his bar of soap. He started with his hair, making sure to scrub hard. Sometimes he wondered if he smelled like the food he cooked all day. After bathing, Levi washed off again and stood from the tub. He stepped out of the water and grimaced. He wished that he could afford to have a shower installed so he wouldn't have to sit in skin water. He pulled the drain in the tub.

Levi dried off quickly, and wrapped his towel around his waist, securing it. He went to the sink and rinsed his mouth out with water, brushed his teeth, and washed his mouth out with the vinegar solution that he had infused with mint. He never got used to the taste of vinegar, but the mint helped. Levi swished the vinegar in his mouth for as long as he could stand it before he spit it out and rinsed his mouth out with more water. He wiped his mouth with a corner of his towel before he grabbed the candle holder and left the bathroom.

After Levi set the candle on the table next to his chair again, he walked over to the stairs. The trip up the stairs had been uncomfortable for five months. But he always hoped that she would be better when he got to her room. Levi reached the top of the stairs and stopped at his mother's door. It wasn't closed, but he pulled it shut to give her some privacy. Recently, he had been leaving the door open at night in case she called for him. Silently, Levi listened for anything, praying that a miracle would happen and the sound of snoring would hit his ears. But it didn't. There was only the sound of her gentle breathing.

Levi walked past his mother's room and went to his own room. He pulled off his towel and hung it up on of the posts at the foot of his bed. Dropping his sleeping clothes onto his undisturbed bed, Levi went to his little wardrobe and put on his work clothes. Instead of putting the handkerchief on his head, he put it in his pocket for later.

Once dressed, Levi left his room again and walked back to his mother's door. He raised his hand and gently rapped his knuckles against the door for the sake of respect. But she wouldn't respond to it. Levi pushed the door open and walked into the room. Kuchel was in the same position that he saw her in the day before, laying on her back, seeming to stare out of her window. The sun had risen enough that some of the shades of red were pushing past the lace curtains. Kuchel was so proud of those curtains when she bought them. She had never owned a piece of lace in her life.

“Good morning, Mom,” Levi muttered. He walked over to the bed. Her eyes didn't respond to the sound, and Levi knelt down next to her little bed. A few tears were sliding down her cheeks when she blinked. Levi tried to tell himself that her eyes were watering because she wasn't blinking correctly. But it still looked like she was weeping. “If I go get the doctor today,” Levi whispered, raising his thumb to gently push the tears away. “Will you eat?” Kuchel blinked, but she didn't respond. Her eyes did seem to be searching for something, but Levi knew that her mind had been gone for a long time. It had been over a month since she spoke. It had been four days since she ate any food or drank any water. “It's Levi,” he assured her. He didn't know if she could hear him. But he didn't want her to be afraid anymore. Kuchel didn't respond, and Levi leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I'm going to go get the doctor, Mom. I'll be back in a little while, okay?” No response. Levi smiled and kissed her again. “Don't go before I come back,” he said before he stood.

Levi left Kuchel's door open. When he started down the stairs, he was moving a little faster than he expected, but he couldn't hide that he was worried. Quickly, Levi put his shoes on in the kitchen and grabbed his keys from the hook next to the kitchen door. He walked through the little tea shop and out the front door before locking it.

The sun was rising faster, and all of the working men were walking to work. The men were clean in the morning, but by lunch they were always filthy and sweaty. A few of them nodded to him, and he nodded back but couldn't match their smiles. He tried. Quite a few of the men were his lunch customers. That's when Levi remembered that he had meant to prepare some bread dough before he left, but he had forgotten.

Normally it would take a while for him to walk to the doctor's house because it was so far north, but he took a few shortcuts through the alleys to get towards the edge of town. He tried to find good things about the day, but he couldn't.

When he reached Dr. Jaeger's house, Levi he went to the right side of the house, the side that Dr. Jaeger used for his practice. Levi opened the door, and the little bells attached to the door frame rang when the door collided with them. He stepped into the foyer area and waited patiently. It didn't take long before he heard two sets of the little feet rushing down the stairs which were attached to the main house.

Eren almost fell down the stairs, but he recovered and stopped near the doctor's consultation counter.

“Daddy! Mr. Ackerman's here!” Eren yelled back up the staircase. Levi winced. It was too early in the morning for such noise, but that was Eren's typical volume. He had been loud as long as Levi had known him. Mikasa was right behind Eren on the stairs, looking as alert, but she was much quieter.

Eren walked up to Levi and smiled up at him. Levi tried his best to return the gesture, but he knew it looked half-assed.

“Good morning, Mr. Ackerman!” Eren said. Mikasa walked up next to Eren, looking up at Levi too. She seemed to be much more perceptive, and she didn't attempt to make conversation.

“Eren,” Dr. Jaegar called from the stairs. Levi heard the sound of the doctor's steps, and he waited, even crossing his arms. Eren turned to look in the direction of where he had heard his name, and Levi looked at Mikasa. She hadn't looked away. In fact, she had stepped a bit closer. Dr. Jaegar stepped down the last few steps, and he walked away from the stairs. “Not so loudly please, Eren.”

“Sorry, Dad,” Eren said, attempting a softer voice. Dr. Jaeger stood between his two children and offered his hand. Levi shook the doctor's hand, but he didn't offer any other greeting.

“Go upstairs, you two,” Dr. Jaeger said. Eren turned back around and looked at Levi one more time, obviously wanting to stay, but Mikasa had already taken Eren's hand to lead him away.

“Eren,” she said. “Let's get breakfast.” That seemed to completely divert Eren's mind, and he followed his sister back up the stairs. Levi's eyes returned back to Grisha. Grisha was already dressed for the day, as if he had been waiting for bad news all morning.

“She won't eat or drink,” Levi said quietly. Grisha nodded.

“How long?”

“Four days,” Levi said.

“Alright,” Grisha said, his eyes fell for a moment before they met Levi's gaze again. Levi only nodded. “I'll get my bag.” Levi stepped back and leaned against a wall next to the door. He waited patiently while the doctor walked across the room and behind the curtain of his examination area. It didn't take Grisha nearly as long to pack his bag as it normally did. It frustrated Levi because it seemed like Grisha was giving up. But Levi had known that his mother wouldn't recover for over a month. She had only gotten worse.

When Grisha returned with his bag, Levi leaned away from the wall and opened the door. He didn't wait for the doctor before he began walking back towards the street. Grisha caught up to him easily though. They walked in silence back to Levi's shop. Levi's mind replayed the memories of his mother for the past nine months.

Levi and Kuchel had been financially stable for twelve years. It took a while for the tea shop to build a client base, but once a few loyal customers began to spread the word, there weren't any more money problems. The men who worked in the mines liked the lunch menu, and ladies liked the afternoon tea selection. On Fridays, Kuchel woud bake cake to serve all day. All of the miners would say that it was better than their wives' cakes and would beg Kuchel not to tell anyone. She laughed and swore secrecy. Some of the younger miners would propose marriage to her, and Kuchel would only laugh. Levi didn't appreciate the marriage proposals, but he never did anything to discourage them, except for a few glares in the direction of the young men that were annoyingly persistent. The ladies who came in for afternoon tea would ask for the cake recipe, and Kuchel insisted it was a family secret.

Kuchel seemed happy. When she began to get sick, it seemed like she was only experiencing an immense amount of stress. Levi didn't understand why, but he saw it tear her down little by little. She stopped sleeping as much. She became clumsy in the kitchen, accidentally cutting herself a few times more than Levi could stand. Then, she began to insist that they had bugs in the building, which wasn't true. They were both so meticulous about keeping a clean shop and home. But for three months, Kuchel was convinced that there were bugs in the entire building. She claimed that they crawled on her in bed. A few times she kept the shop closed because she thought there were bugs in the food. They began losing money. One night, Levi woke up to the sound of his mother screaming, only to find her in the floor of her bedroom, brushing invisible bugs from her skin. It had taken hours to calm her down. Levi started sleeping in the armchair in the kitchen after that.

Kuchel stopped sleeping completely for the last three months. She had been completely non-responsive for a week. Levi knew the end was near, but watching her suffer so much had been nearly unbearable.

Levi was torn from his thoughts when they were closer to the shop. A skinny man was banging on the door, yelling profanities. Irritation surged through Levi's backbone.

“Hey!” he yelled. He saw Grisha startle next to him, but he didn't pay any attention. The tall man, dressed in black, at the door of his shop turned and looked at Levi. It was Kenny.

“Where the fuck have you been? Your mother is sick!” Kenny yelled back.

“Fuck off, Kenny! Where have you been for the last twenty years?” Levi yelled. Kenny took a step back like he had been slapped, and Levi noticed that Kenny's hand dropped to his waist. If Kenny pulled a knife on him in front of his own shop, Levi didn't want to retaliate. But Levi never left home without a knife of his own. Kenny let him walk past to open the door of the shop though. Grisha and Kenny exchanged a look but not a greeting. Levi unlocked the door of the shop and opened it, letting both of the men in before he closed the door and locked it. “Go ahead, Grisha,” Levi said quietly.

“Where's Kuchel?” Kenny snapped.

“Shut up,” Levi said. “She's upstairs. Let the doctor see her first.” Levi walked over to one of the wooden chairs and pulled it out, sitting down at the table. He put his elbow on the table and rested his head in his palm. Levi listened to the sound of Grisha's shoes walking through the shop, into the kitchen, up the back stairs. He closed his eyes and listened. There wouldn't be anything to hear from downstairs. But he hoped that Grisha would come down with good news. Levi thought about going upstairs too, but he didn't want to see her if she was still weeping. “Why did you even come here?”

“Because Kuchel wrote me a fucking letter,” Kenny snapped, quietly this time.

“How long ago?”

“Five months,” Kenny said. Levi scoffed.

“Well, you're a little fucking late.”

“Fuck you. I didn't even know about the letter until a month ago.” Levi lifted his head from his hand and rubbed his eyes again. He needed more sleep. For a moment, he considered keeping the shop closed for the day, but he couldn't afford that. He needed the money. A few very expensive things were about to come up.

Levi didn't stir until he heard the doctor's shoes coming down the back stairs again. He waited, still seated, Kenny standing somewhere behind him. When he heard the doctor walk out of the kitchen, he slowly stood from his chair, pushed it back under the table, and went to stand by his uncle. In his peripheral vision, Levi saw Kenny stand a little straighter.

“Gentlemen,” Grisha said. Levi winced at the word. “I'm very sorry, Levi, but there's nothing else I can do for your mother.” Levi nodded.

“Nothing?” Kenny asked. “What's wrong with her?” Levi felt like snapping again, but he couldn't say the words.

“I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself earlier,” Grisha said, offering his hand. “I'm Dr. Grisha Jaeger. I've been treating Kuchel for her symptoms-”

“What symptoms?” Kenny asked, ignoring the hand that Grisha had offered. Grisha put his hand back down to his side.

“This is Kenny Ackerman, my mother's brother,” Levi said. Grisha nodded, understanding.

“Mr. Ackerman, Kuchel has been very sick for a while now. She stopped sleeping properly about nine months ago. Three months ago she stopped sleeping at all. She's been having waking nightmares. And within the last month, she's stopped talking. I'm very sorry-”

“She's always had trouble sleeping,” Kenny insisted.

“Kenny,” Levi said. He lifted his gray eyes up to his uncle's. Kenny met the glare head on. “What did Mom say in her letter?” Kenny's jaw tightened, and he composed himself. Levi had never seen him do that, but it was obvious that he was upset. It would have shocked Levi if he didn't feel so numb.

“It didn't make a lot of sense,” he said quietly, shrugging. “Something about-” Kenny couldn't finish the sentence. “It was a bunch of bullshit. I could barely read her writing.”

“I'm very sorry, Mr. Ackerman,” Grisha said.

“How long?” Levi asked. Grisha looked between the two of them.

“If she had any last wishes, then I would prepare for those,” Grisha said. “Within the next two days.” Kenny walked around the doctor and went into the kitchen. Levi heard Kenny's boots stomping up the stairs, slowing down near his mother's room. Grisha stepped towards Levi and offered his hand. Levi stood up, grasped Grisha's hand firmly. Grisha nodded before they separated their hands. “No charge.”

“No-”

“I might need lunch sometime,” Grisha said. Levi didn't like making those types of trades, but he could always drop off lunch for the whole Jaeger family sometime. Grisha couldn't stop him from doing that. Grisha didn't wait for a reply before he walked to the front door. Levi followed him, unlocking the door, letting the doctor out, before closing the door and locking it again. Levi went to the kitchen to start preparing for lunch. He pulled his handkerchief out and wrapped it around his hair.

Kenny stayed upstairs so long that Levi felt uncomfortable. He didn't trust his uncle around their things. He could trust Kenny with his mother's life, but he didn't think Kenny was above digging around for money while he was visiting his dying sister. Kenny could practically smell money when it was in the same room. But Levi decided not to think about it. He made his bread dough for the day and began chopping squash for the thin soup he would make. It was Tuesday. That meant he needed to serve bread, potatoes, and squash and mushroom soup. He hated Tuesdays. Washing mushrooms took too long, and Levi personally found them disgusting. But they grew everywhere behind the shop during that time of year, and he couldn't say no to a free ingredient that was pretty close to the consistency of meat. To make himself feel better, Levi added a few strips of chopped bacon to the bottom of the soup pot. It made the soup taste better, and he would eat the leftovers for supper. He could pick the mushrooms out.

Levi was kneading his bread dough by the time he heard Kenny move away from his mother's room and start stomping down the stairs. When Kenny made it to the bottom of the stairs, he walked over to Levi's chair and sat down, took off his hat and dropped it on the table next to him. Levi didn't acknowledge him. Instead, he continued his work, putting wood in the stove.

“I think she recognized me,” Kenny said. Levi didn't respond. “When we were younger, I could always feel when she was in trouble. Sometimes, I could tell when she was sick even if I wasn't around.” Levi stood up, brushed his hands off on a towel and picked up his knife to start working on more squash. He didn't know how many men he would have to feed that day. Squash didn't stay fresh long enough. “You said it's been nine months?” Levi cut through the squash once more and looked over at Kenny. Kenny had his elbow resting on the arm of the chair, forehead resting in his hand, like he was truly ashamed. But Levi knew that Kenny didn't feel shame.

“Yeah,” Levi said. He went back to his work.

“Did Kuchel say what she wanted?” Kenny asked. Levi thought about it while he threw some squash into the large pot. Kenny didn't say anything else, even when Levi moved onto the bread. He began making small, hand sized loaves. “I'm talking to you, brat.” Levi cringed, accidentally mashing the loaf of bread he was shaping. He gritted his teeth, even closed his eyes a moment before he opened them and started fixing the loaf.

“I don't think she knew what was happening. She never said anything about it,” Levi said. Kenny was quiet, and Levi finished the bread and covered it to let it rise. “I think she would want to be cremated.” Levi turned, leaned against the counter and looked at his uncle. Kenny was nodding. He had lifted his head, let his hand drop to his lap.

“I'll pay for the sin-eater,” Kenny said.

“We'll have to move her out of the shop,” Levi said.

“Why?” Kenny snapped. Levi looked over at him and held his hands out.

“I'm not inviting that thing in here,” Levi said. “Around the food?”

“You don't have any choice, brat. We're not moving her.”

“No,” Levi said.

“What?” Kenny stood up from the chair, and Levi closed the distance between them.

“We're moving her.”

“You're not laying a fucking hand on her! If she dies while we're moving her, the ritual won't work, you dumbass!” Levi looked up at Kenny, and they were both tense, making uncomfortable eye contact for the longest time. “She's staying in her bed. I'll pay for it. I'll go get it. You cook the food.” Levi detested the idea of having a sin-eater in his home, around the food that he served to customers. But he hated the idea of his mother being dirty too. He wanted her to be clean when she died. It was almost impossible to get someone to cremate a body that hadn't been cleaned. Levi knew that.

“Why do you have any money at all?” Levi asked.

“Don't fucking worry about my business,” Kenny said. Kenny leaned back a little. He was an older man, and Levi wondered if that's why Kenny seemed so much more timid than he remembered. When he was younger, Kenny would've already been throwing punches. Maybe age had gotten to him. Or maybe he wasn't as angry as Levi remembered. It had been a long time. Finally, Levi leaned back and walked back over to start working again. “You know what she would want?”

“Yes, I fucking know,” Levi said. “I'll make the food. How long will it take for you to go get it?”

“I don't know. I can go make the request tomorrow morning Hopefully, we can get one within the next few nights,” Kenny said. Levi almost rolled his eyes. He didn't want Kenny in his house that long. “If you'll give me a list, I'll go get the food you need to make what she wants.” Levi dropped his utensils loudly and went to find a piece of scrap paper to make a list for Kenny. Kenny sat back down and watched as Levi went up the first few steps of the staircase. “Fucking smart-mouthed, pissant,” Kenny muttered to himself.

******
That night, when Levi took his second bath for the day, he verbally groaned when he sank into the water. He had taken the time to warm the water, and it felt so good on his sore muscles. Even though he had been running the shop by himself for about six months, the long days still affected him. The lunch hour had been brutal, but most of the working men understood the situation. They all asked about Kuchel, and he gave a vague answer. A few of the men told him that it was time to find a wife, and Levi had trouble figuring out an answer to that one. He was getting old enough that going too much longer without being married would look strange.

Levi slipped down into the tub and sank under the water, pulling his knees up so he could rest his back against the bottom of the tub. He considered trying to marry one of the local girls. Sometimes during lunch he would hear the men complain about not getting enough sex from their wives. If he could find a woman like that, someone he liked being around, a good worker, a good friend, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be married. She could have control over the sexual frequency. He could give her children if she wanted them.

When he surfaced from the water, Levi wiped his face off. He could hear Kenny's boots hitting the floor upstairs. Levi leaned against the back of the tub and wondered why Kenny had never gotten married, quickly deciding that it was because Kenny was a degenerate that no self-respecting woman would want to marry anyway. He heard Kenny's bootsteps stop in Kuchel's room again.

Quickly, Levi finished washing, not wanting to leave the warmth of the tub, but knowing that he needed to try and sleep. He washed, dried himself off, and blew out the flame in the lamp above the sink. Levi paused when he came out of the bathroom. There were fresh groceries on the kitchen counter for him to prepare for the sin-eater. Levi cringed and went upstairs, trying not to think about it. He was quiet on the stairs in his bare feet, and he paused when he heard the faint sound of Kenny's voice. The hallway lamp was lit, but he couldn't see Kenny. That meant Kenny was still in Kuchel's room. Silently, Levi avoided the stairs that creaked and reached the top without Kenny noticing. He put his back against the wall and listened.

“- did good, Kuchel. You did so good,” Kenny whispered. “He worked his ass off today.” Kenny paused, and Levi thought that he heard a sniffle. “Mom always said we wouldn't be worth shit, but you've got this place, and you've got him, you know?” Kenny paused again, and Levi's brows were drawn together tightly. “Whenever you're ready to go, Kuchel, you go. I know you're tired.” Levi shook his head, not wanting to hear anymore. He stepped down a few stairs, making sure to touch the ones that creaked, and he walked back up the stairs like it was the first time he had done it. He clung to the towel tightly, and the Kenny didn't say another word while Levi passed the door to go to his room. Levi closed the door to his room, shed the towel, and put on his sleeping pants. Levi almost left his room, but then he thought about grabbing a shirt from his wardrobe. It was weird having Kenny in the house.

When Levi was dressed to sleep, he left his room and walked out into the hallway. Kenny was standing there, waiting on him, he guessed.

“Going to bed?” Kenny asked.

“I sleep in the chair downstairs. It's warmer,” he said. Kenny rolled his eyes. Levi walked past Kenny and into his mother's room. The oil in her lamp was low, and Levi wondered how long Kenny had spent with her after the sun had gone down. It took Levi longer to clean up after closing shop than it usually did. He noticed that Kuchel looked worse than she did that morning, but her eyes were closed. Her breathing was ragged. It sounded like she had gravel in her chest. He pretended that she was finally sleeping. Levi walked over to the bed, leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Then, he thought of what Kenny said, and he gave her another kiss in the same place before he stood upright.

“Good night, Mom,” Levi whispered.

Levi expected Kenny to say something stupid, but they both kept their mouths shut while they passed each other. Then, without a word, Levi went downstairs to go to his chair. He sat down, pulled his blanket around him, and curled up in the big arm chair. Levi closed his eyes and pretended to relax. The warmth from the oven did help, but he couldn't release the tension in his muscles.

******

“Hey,” Kenny whispered loudly. Levi opened his eyes, squinting at Kenny in the dim light of the kitchen. “I'm going to go get it. Keep the shop closed and start cooking.” Levi reached up, rubbed at his face with his hands.

“What?” he grunted. After rubbing his eyes, Levi looked up at Kenny again. He couldn't see Kenny's face well in the shadows, but Kenny didn't answer anyway. Levi watched Kenny walk out of the kitchen, and he heard the front door open and shut. For a moment, Levi was confused, until he started thinking about Kenny's words. Closed shop. Start cooking.

Levi stood from his chair, dropping his blanket, and made a very wobbly attempt to get up the stairs. His mother's bedroom was dark. He never left it that way. He wanted her to have light so she wouldn't be afraid. Levi walked into the bedroom and saw from the lamp of the hallway that Kenny had covered Kuchel's face with her blankets.

Slowly, Levi knelt down next to the bed and listened. She wasn't breathing anymore. The silence in the room was heavy. Levi exhaled in a huff and breathed again. He gasped for air the second time, and all of it felt unreal for a moment. Sleep still clouded his mind, but he was still so grateful that she was finally resting. After nine months of hell, of being awake constantly, never being able to stay calm until her body couldn't move, until she couldn't call for him anymore, Kuchel was finally resting. And Levi felt so relieved.

Typically, once a body was covered, it wasn't supposed to be uncovered if a sin-eater was going to be employed. But Levi wanted to see her again. He reached up and slowly pulled the sheet back. Kuchel's black hair fanned out under her, and Levi smiled. Her eyes were finally closed. She looked peaceful.

Levi covered her back up. He stayed by the bed for a few minutes longer, trying to imagine something to say. But she couldn't hear him, and he didn't feel comfortable talking to an empty room. He stood from the side of the bed, went to his room to dress for the day, and glanced at the open door of her room once more before he went downstairs.

Cooking would take all day. The dishes weren't difficult to make, but beef was best when it was slow roasted. While he began preparing the food, Levi tried not to think of what was going happen, but he couldn't help himself.

He had never seen a sin-eater before, had only heard them described, and felt apprehensive about having one in his home. There were only male sin-eaters. Females couldn't be sin-eaters, but Levi didn't know why. He had never asked. Sin-eaters were gluttonous, fat, smelled of death, and their services were expensive. Sin-eaters were quarantined behind a tall stone wall north of town. Civilians weren't allowed within the walls, but the sin-eaters lived well. Sin-eaters had their own schools for their sons, and they used the money that they made from bereaved families to have feasts. Most sin-eaters had more money than a typical citizen. To Levi, they were a necessary evil for an old ritual that most people in the country still believed. For the ritual to work, he was supposed to cook his mother's favorite foods and place the food around her body for the sin-eater to consume, presumably along with Kuchel's sins. Then, her soul could go to Paradise.

Levi wasn't sure that he believed in all of it. Consuming physical food to rid someone of sins sounded like a waste. But he also didn't want to risk having Kuchel's soul go somewhere instead of Paradise. He wanted her to rest.

Once the beef was slow roasting, Levi took a pan of potatoes into the dining area, sat at one of the tables, and began peeling. He stopped when he realized that he was using one of the knives that Kuchel had been using when she had cut herself. Even though he had cleaned it over and over, he felt sick holding it in his hand. He set the knife down on the table, leaned over it, rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes.

******

The sun had set hours ago, and Kenny wasn't back. Kenny had been gone all day, and that left Levi sitting in his arm chair, bouncing his leg with anxiety. If Kenny disappeared for some reason, if he didn't come back, then Levi would have to go get a sin-eater the next day. The food would ruin. He didn't care about the sin-eater's tastes, but the ritual wouldn't work if the food wasn't any good.

When someone knocked at the entrance of the shop, Levi got up from his chair and almost ran to the front door. He slowed himself down long enough to look outside to see who it was. Kenny, with a shadow of someone else standing behind him.

Levi unlocked the door and held it open. Kenny walked inside, took his hat off, and looked back out the door.

“What took so fucking long?” Levi asked.

“I couldn’t get the order before the sun came up. We had to wait until nightfall,” Kenny said. “Step back, kid.” Levi frowned up at him and didn't move. Kenny grabbed him by the arm, pulled hard enough that Levi almost stumbled.

“What-”

“Come in,” Kenny said. Kenny continued to step back, pulling Levi with him, and Levi turned his head towards the open door when he heard someone step inside.

The man that walked through the door wasn't fat. He was tall, wide shoulders, slim hips, blond hair, blue eyes, and he smiled softly. He was dressed well, with a white shirt that had all of its buttons, black slacks, a black coat, straps of a black rucksack over his shoulders, black gloves covering his hands, and gleaming black shoes. Levi's eyebrows furrowed.

“Hello,” he said. “My name is Erwin Smith the sin-eater.” He said it all together as if the cursed designation was part of his name, and instead of offering his hand, Erwin bowed his head towards Levi. “Thank you for having me in your home, Mr. Ackerman.” When he lifted his head again, Levi felt confused. The man in front of him was too handsome, too well spoken to be a sin-eater.

“Step in farther,” Kenny said, keeping his eyes on Erwin like he was a weapon rather than a person. Erwin stepped into the shop farther, and Kenny moved around him quickly to close the door and lock it. Erwin continued to look at Levi, and Levi didn't break eye contact, repulsed with himself for staring for one of the best looking men he had ever seen, a man who was also born to be a vessel of sin. “Did you finish cooking and setting up?”

“Yeah,” Levi said.

“Upstairs,” Kenny commanded.

“Please direct me,” Erwin said without looking at Kenny.

“Take it up there, brat,” Kenny said. He walked around Erwin, not turning his back and stood next to Levi again. “Don't let it touch you. Keep it in front of you.”

Levi looked at Kenny, confused. Kenny glared at him. Breaking eye contact, Levi turned from Kenny, and pointed in the direction of the kitchen for Erwin. Erwin turned, looked at the entrance of the kitchen, and walked quietly across the dining area. Levi walked behind him, staring at the rucksack on his back.

Once they were in the kitchen, Erwin stood, keeping his hands to his sides.

“Up the stairs,” Levi said. Erwin started walking again, and Levi followed him, keeping distance between them but absolutely fascinated. Erwin walked with his back straight, his eyes directly ahead, and didn't seem uncomfortable at all. Levi swallowed, let his eyes stray down to Erwin's calves once while they were walking up the stairs.

At the top of the stairs, Erwin stopped again, and Levi stepped up a few stairs closer to Erwin, too interested without any real reason.

“Through that door in front of you,” Levi said. He had lit a lamp in the room earlier when the sun went down. Erwin walked over to the room, and bowed his head reverently when he walked through the door. Levi had set up a chair and placed the dishes of food on a towel on the floor next to the side of his mother's bed.

Erwin kept his head bowed, looked at the different dishes and pitcher of water, and glanced at the covered body on the bed only once. Levi walked up to the door of his mother's room and watched Erwin.

“Thank you for preparing this,” Erwin said. He shrugged out of his rucksack, set it on the floor slowly next to his feet. “I brought my own utensils and drinking cup.” Levi didn't answer. When he stood there too long, Erwin lifted his gaze from the floor and looked over at Levi. In response, Levi stood up straighter. “Would you please close the door?”

Embarrassed by his ignorance, Levi didn't spare any time before he reached out, grabbed the handle of the door, and closed it a little harder than he intended. He stared at the wooden door, listening while he heard Erwin moving in the room, and he felt irritated and dirty.

When he turned away from the door, Levi stepped down the stairs quickly, went into the dining area, where Kenny was sitting at one of the tables with a bottle of wine already open.

“That's for customers,” Levi said, walking over to the table. Kenny lifted the bottle poured both of them a glass. Levi sat down and they lifted their glasses.

“To Kuchel,” Kenny said. Levi tapped his glass against Kenny's, and they both took several swallows. When Levi set his glass down, it hit the table hard.

“Can we go?” Levi asked. Kenny shook his head, licking wine from his top lip.

“We can't go anywhere while it's here,” Kenny said.

“I've never seen one before,” Levi said, lifting his glass again to swallow some more wine. Kenny shook his head.

“I've never seen one like that before,” Kenny said. He looked in the direction of the kitchen.

“What do you mean?” Levi asked, intrigued, hoping to find a reason for why he wanted to look at Erwin rather than admit to himself that the sin-eater was attractive at all.

“It looked right at me,” Kenny said. “Most of them keep their heads down, but that one looked right at me.” Levi frowned, took another swallow of wine. He decided that's why he had felt so attracted to the sin-eater. Erwin's eyes were definitely nice to look at, but he was still a sin-eater.

Levi finished his glass of wine before Kenny, and he poured himself another one. Kenny eyed him for a moment, but looked back at the kitchen entrance as if he was anticipating that Erwin would escape.

“We'll half the night,” Kenny said. He took another swallow of his wine and set his glass down. “You can sleep first.”

“I'm not tired,” Levi said. Kenny sighed, took another swallow before he stood from the table.

“Don't go to sleep. If it gets away while we're sleeping, they'll hang us,” Kenny said. He walked away from the table and into the kitchen to sleep in the chair. Levi continued to drink the wine.

He didn't stop at the single glass. The wine bottle was almost empty by the time he decided he had drank enough. Still, Levi didn't feel tired. He rested his head in his hand and stared at the table.

He was still thinking about Erwin. It bothered Levi that the sin-eater wasn't as disgusting as he had been led to believe. And it bothered him even more that Kenny seemed to be terrified of a man who seemed so ordinary. Just the thought of what Erwin was doing in Kuchel's room turned Levi's stomach. Levi closed his eyes to rest even if he couldn't sleep.

Levi wondered how the sin-eater magic worked. Was Erwin able to see all of Kuchel's sins? Did the food taste bad because of what it was supposed to represent? But he felt guilty wondering about those things. His mother had always been good to him. When he was small, she lost her patience a few times. But she didn't have any help with him. Kenny left when Levi was seven. And Kuchel had to try to make things work, put food in both of their mouths, still have some energy left for him after a whole night of work. Levi couldn't blame her for anything that she had done. She was just trying to survive.

But now that she was dead, she was considered dirty until a sin-eater freed her of whatever sins she had committed. And Levi didn't know how to feel about all of it. Reacting to Erwin the way that he had made it worse.

On the nights that Levi couldn't sleep, he worried that he had the same illness that had killed his mother. The worry made it more difficult to rest, and his mind ran in the circles of trying to relax and worrying that he would suffer a die alone.

Close to dawn, Levi heard Kenny walking through the kitchen. He opened his eyes, lifted his head, and looked in the direction of the kitchen in time to see Kenny walk through the door.

“Your turn,” Kenny said.

“Not tired,” Levi said. Kenny walked back over to the table and sat down in the same chair he used earlier.

“You should rest. You have to take the sin-eater back, and we have to burn your mother in the morning,” Kenny said.

“You're not taking him back?”

“IT! Not him. It.”

Levi startled when Kenny spoke so loudly.

“It looks human, but it's not, Levi.”

Kenny rarely ever used his name. Levi's eyebrows pinched together.

“What are you so afraid of?” Levi asked. Kenny looked at him and shook his head with disbelief.

“Don't you know what that thing is?”

“It's a sin-eater,” Levi said.

“It's sin incarnate, boy,” Kenny said. Levi gritted his teeth. He hated being called that. “One touch from it, and you might as well be dead. They'll shoot it for touching you, but you're dirty after that. You go into quarantine after its dead so they can watch you. If they decide to release you, you can't marry. You can't own property. They'll castrate you. You're unclean. Didn't Kuchel teach you anything?” Levi frowned.

“All of that just because it touches someone?”

Kenny leaned farther over the table.

“I know you don't remember much about where we lived when you were shorter,” Kenny said. “But your mother stayed out late at night to put food in your mouth.”

“I know that.”

“Listen to me,” Kenny insisted. “She grouped up with a few other women while they walked. Kuchel could take of herself. She kept a knife on her. But we left that town because while a sin-eater was being escorted back to its area, it touched one of Kuchel's friends who was walking on the other side of town. With its glove off. It touched her with its bare hand. They shot the sin-eater. But the woman dropped to the ground and rolled like she was on fire, screaming. Kuchel never saw her again.” Kenny paused, letting the words sink in. Then, he picked up the wine bottle and drank from it. For some reason, Levi had trouble imagining the story. If the woman was never seen again, how does anyone know that the sin-eater had that affect on her? If a sin-eater knew that death was going to be instant when it touched someone, why would it take that risk? When Kenny put the wine bottle back down on the table, he shook his head. “She really never told you?”

“No,” Levi said. Kenny sighed.

“I should've stuck around longer.”

“We were fine,” Levi said. Kenny nodded and looked around at the shop again. “What do you think happened to the woman?” Kenny sniffed and turned a little bit green.

“Either she was quarantined, or she was taken to one of the walls to be bred,” Kenny said. “There aren't any female sin-eaters. How do you think those things have children?”

“Why aren't there any females?” Levi asked. Kenny shook his head.

“I don't have all the answers. I just know there aren't any.”

“So when does it go back? If it can only walk at night, does that mean it has to stay here the whole day?”

“No,” Kenny said. “You have to take it back before dawn. Go check on it.” Levi rolled his eyes and stood from the table. “Hey.” Levi stopped and looked down at Kenny. “Go up there. Knock. If it doesn't answer, do not open that door. Just wait a few more minutes and knock again. Don't open the door until-”

“Yeah,” Levi said, moving away from the table. “I got it.” Kenny sneered, but he just shook his head.

“Don't look at it while it's eating,” Kenny warned. Levi walked through the entry to the kitchen and over to the stairs. This time, when he walked up the stairs to his mother's room, he felt afraid. Kenny's story didn't sound true, but it could be. Levi didn't know enough about sin-eaters to know whether or not they could curse a person.

At the top of the stairs, Levi listened. He didn't hear any sounds coming from the room. If Erwin was still eating, there should at least be a few sounds of spoons or forks on dishes. Levi walked up to the door and knocked.

“It's finished,” Erwin said loud enough to be heard through the door. Levi reached out for the doorknob. He paused again, feeling anxious, but he opened the door anyway. Erwin was sitting in the chair that Levi put in the room for him. In the dim light, Levi could see that Erwin looked tired, and all of the dishes that had food in them previously were empty. Erwin's rucksack was on his back, presumably full of dirty dishes. There was a silent moment while Erwin was still looking at Kuchel, who was still covered with a sheet.

“Let's go,” Levi said. Erwin stood from his chair, bowed his head towards Kuchel, and started walking towards the door of the bedroom. Levi stepped far to the side, and Erwin walked forward, down the stairs. Levi followed him, noticing that Erwin's steps were slower. He was definitely tired. Levi wondered if it was from the food, or the ritual, maybe both. At the bottom of the stairs, Erwin walked through the kitchen and towards the front door. Levi didn't follow so closely once they were out of the kitchen because he didn't want Kenny snapping about it.

Kenny was holding the front door of the shop open. He leaned away when Erwin walked by, and he eyed Levi while he left.

“I'll be back soon,” Levi said. “Lock up.”

“Yeah,” Kenny said. “Keep it in front of you-”

“Okay,” Levi said. “Keep walking,” he told Erwin. Erwin walked about three paces in front of Levi, and he led them away from the shop.

They walked north, and Levi looked at the streetlamps. The only places that were still open were the inns, which were quiet, and the taverns, where men and women gathered together to do nighttime business transactions and drink.

“Mr. Ackerman,” Erwin said.

“What?”

Erwin said something that Levi couldn't hear. He was too far away, and his voice was swallowed by the empty streets. Rather than staying behind Erwin, Levi walked up to Erwin's right side. Erwin backed away when he saw Levi in peripheral vision. And they both stopped walking. Erwin looked spooked, and Levi was confused.

“What did you say?”

“I asked if-” Erwin stopped. He shook his head. “Never mind, sir.”

“Don't call me sir. My name is Levi.”

Erwin nodded.

“Tell me what you were asking.”

“I'm sorry,” Erwin said. “I asked if I could stop by Dr. Jaeger's office.” Levi frowned.

“Why?”

“He leaves medicine for us in a box outside of his office,” Erwin explained. Levi raised his eyebrows.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Why would he do that?”

“The government doesn't give us medicine,” Erwin said. “We have to pay for it, but it's expensive. They've increased the tax-” Rather than finishing the sentence, Erwin stopped. “A boy in my community needs medicine.”

Levi thought about it. Dr. Jaeger's office was on the way to the walled area where the sin-eaters lived, but he wasn't sure if Erwin was telling the truth.

“We'll stop if we have time,” Levi said. “Let's go.” He began walking, and Erwin stayed in place. “Don't walk behind me. Walk beside me where I can see you.”

Erwin began walking, but he didn't walk directly next to Levi. He made sure there was almost a meter of space between them. When the streets narrowed, Erwin almost flattened against the buildings rather than getting closer. Closer to the edge of town where Dr. Jaeger practiced, when there were fewer buildings, fewer witnesses, and no streetlamps, Erwin seemed to adjust to walking next to Levi rather than behind him or in front of him.

Levi stopped walking when they were in front of Grisha's house, and Erwin quickly walked to the side of the building that Grisha used for his office. There was plenty of moonlight, but under the shade of the porch, Levi could barely see what was happening. He saw in that shadows that Erwin took off his rucksack, and there was an exchange of items from a box on the porch. Then, Levi heard Erwin drop the top on the box, and he ran back over to Levi.

Erwin had a big smile on his face, and Levi couldn't help but smile back. Something about Erwin's smile was a bit contagious, and Levi blushed when he realized they were smiling at each other. So he chose to scowl after that, and he started walking again.

“Did you get your medicine?” Levi asked.

“Yes, I did. Thank you for letting me stop,” Erwin said. Levi felt uncomfortable. Erwin's voice was nice. He didn't want to hear much more of it. “Dr. Jaeger's children also exchange small toys with the boy that I care for.”

“What?”

Erwin looked at him, startled.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you that,” Erwin said. “Please don't tell anyone. Dr. Jaeger's a good man.”

“Tell anyone what?”

“Trading with sin-eaters isn't illegal, but a lot of people would stop visiting him for their needs if they knew,” Erwin explained. “There aren't anymore children in the community, and he's lonely. One time, I told him that I traded with the doctor for medicine, and I told him the doctor had children-”

“How do you know he has kids?”

“Oh,” Erwin said. “I had to eat during the Festival of Fire one year. I saw them then outside while I was being escorted back. But they were very small at the time.” Levi nodded, not really interested, only concerned that sin-eaters were so observant. “The boy that I care for asked if he could make soap toys for them. I told him that I would put the toys in the box, and we would see what happened. And since then, sometimes Dr. Jaeger's children will send him small toys too.”

“Soap toys?” Levi asked.

“Yes. Jean carves little animals from bars of soap,” Erwin said with a smile.

“Sounds like a waste of soap,” Levi said. Erwin laughed, and in the moonlight Levi saw the flash of metal on his tongue. Levi recoiled. Erwin covered his mouth with his hand and stifled his laughter. He continued to look at Erwin, who wouldn't look at him anymore and kept his hand near his mouth. And he looked embarrassed. Levi looked ahead of them, and the silence was awkward. It was awkward enough that he couldn't help but speaking again.

“Jean is your son?”

“Oh, no,” Erwin said, shaking his head. “Jean's father died eight years ago. I was twenty-three then, and the majority of the sin-eaters in our community are older. I thought he should be my responsibility.” Levi nodded.

“What kind of toys do Mikasa and Eren make for this kid?”

“You know the doctor's children?”

“It's difficult not to know Eren,” Levi said.

“Their names are Eren and Mikasa?”

“Yes. Eren's loud. Mikasa doesn't say much, but her eyes will typically tell you all that you need to know,” Levi said.

“The girl, Mikasa, makes toys that she sews together from scrap fabric. And the boy, Eren, makes paper toys. Sometimes they'll work together to make a toy with clay from the river during the summer,” Erwin explained. “Now I can tell Jean their names. Maybe he could write them a letter and practice his spelling. Even if I can't deliver the letters, writing would be good practice.”

“They don't have schools in the walls?”

“No,” Erwin said.

“I've always heard that there are actual schoolhouses in the walls,” Levi said.

“There aren't,” Erwin said. “Most of us don't need to know how to read or write. We only need to sign our names. I learned to read and write because my father was a fugitive for a few years. He taught me. And now I'm teaching Jean.” Levi's skin crawled at the thought of a sin-eater escaping the walls and living with civilians.

“Why would you teach Jean to read if he can't use it?” Levi asked. He felt like it sounded more insulting that he intended.

“I plan to buy Jean's freedom,” Erwin said. Levi looked over at him, and he saw that Erwin was already looking at him. Levi couldn't hide the surprise on his face. And Erwin's eyes brightened. “So I was right. Most civilians don't know that we can buy freedom. I've wondered what civilians know about us for a long time, but I've never been able to ask.” Levi felt like Erwin let that information out purposely, but he didn't know why. Levi looked straight ahead, watching the top of the wall begin to form over the next hill. In the moonlight, the wall looked much more imposing. The lanterns lit around the top of it made it seem like a fortress. Like a prison, actually.

“How old is he?” Levi asked.

“I don't know exactly. The elders believe he's about ten,” Erwin said. “Hopefully, he'll grow slowly, and I can buy his freedom before he's too old.”

“So you reach a certain point, and you can't buy freedom anymore?” Levi asked.

“Yes,” Erwin said. “When you turn twelve years old, they pierce your tongue and give you gloves.” Erwin was quiet for a while, but Levi felt like there was more, so he waited. “My father tried to buy my freedom, but the tax on our wages was increased during his lifetime. He tried his best, but I became twelve before he could raise the money. Even after I was too old to be free, he still told me about the outside world as if I could still see it one day.”

“You're already outside,” Levi said. He looked at Erwin, and Erwin scowled before he turned to look at the road in front of them again. Levi didn't understand why Erwin looked so offended. “What's your problem?”

“There's no problem, sir,” Erwin said.

“I told you not to fucking call me that,” Levi said.

“I apologize,” Erwin said without a hint of remorse.

“Your outside right now, what else could you fucking want?” Levi asked.

“Only freedom,” Erwin said. Levi's eyebrows pulled together with confusion.

“To live out here?” Levi asked, tone laced with resentment. “And do what?”

“Live like you,” Erwin said, looking at Levi finally. “And never be forced to eat near a corpse again.” The hairs on the back of Levi's neck stood up, and a chill ran up his spine. Erwin's expression was so intense that he couldn't look. He looked in the same direction as Erwin, watching the wall grow while they approached.

“Forced?” Levi said. “Getting paid means you're employed, not forced.” Erwin didn't answer. Levi felt like he was missing something. The silence made him feel like he had said something that Erwin thought was ridiculous enough to ignore.

The walls were at least twenty meters tall, and there were guards posted at the gate. When they began to get closer to the wall, Erwin began to fall back, in a proper place behind Levi. And Levi squirmed. Not because he thought Erwin would reach out and touch him. Erwin obviously had priorities within the walls that were more important than somehow lashing out at a civilian. But near the end of the walk, Levi felt like he had said something, done something wrong, and Erwin wasn't backing away out of respect of Levi's civilian status. Levi began to wonder if Erwin was something other than human. He looked human. He laughed like a human. And Levi had obviously offended him to a point of anger. All of that seemed very human.

There wasn't any time for Levi to ask any more questions before they were in front of the guards. A table was set up in front of the gate, and two guards sat at it. Five guards were stationed on either side of the two men at the table. Levi stopped in front of the table.

“Erwin Smith the sin-eater reporting back,” Erwin said from behind him. Levi turned around and looked at him.

“Paperwork,” one guard said. Erwin reached into the pocket of his coat, pulled out a folded slip of paper, unfolded it, walked around Levi giving him plenty of space, and set the paper on the table. “Come sign this,” the guard said to Levi. Levi approached the table, was given a pen, and he signed where the guard pointed. “Get back inside.”

“Thank you, sir,” Erwin said. He walked around the table, and one of the standing guards lifted his gun, aiming it at Erwin while he walked towards the gate. The gate began to lift, and some light began to come from inside the wall. There were torches and lanterns lit within the walls. Levi watched with fascination while Erwin walked into the area behind the walls and was illuminated by all of the light. When the gate was slowly lowered, Levi looked back down at the guards who were sitting at the table.

“You can go now,” the guard said.

Levi felt like knocking their liquor off the table, but he turned around and began walking home instead. The image of Erwin walking away was burned into his memory.

Later, Kenny and Levi watched while the undertaker burned Kuchel's body. That's when Levi realized that he didn't get much of a chance to say goodbye to his mother. He didn't say the things that he wanted to say. But he hoped that Kuchel knew how much he loved her, even if he didn't say it often.

It took almost the entire day for the cremation, and Levi thought of his strongest memories of his mother. Some of them weren't necessarily pleasant, like the time that Levi broke a tea cup as a child. Kuchel yelled at him, and that only made him feel worse. But she apologized later. Levi understood why she was upset. They didn't have much money then. He briefly wondered if screaming at a child for an accident was considered a sin. He wondered if Erwin had only seen the bad parts of Kuchel.

Levi chose to hold tightly to the good memories. Some of the memories were so good that they hurt.

When Kuchel first opened the shop, Levi was a teenager. At first, he didn't like the work. They were exhausted by the time they closed for the day. The work was stressful. Levi didn't like the pressure of serving so many people at one time. Kuchel was patient, even when he made mistakes. But eventually, the business became easier. They laughed at the end of the day. They laughed from the satisfaction of seeing customers enjoy what they made together. They had enough money to improve their diets. Kuchel bought more expensive tea for Levi. The days went by quickly, and they relaxed together in the evenings, reading, having tea, cleaning, talking. He knew that he would miss the small quiet moments the most. And he realized that the evenings would be empty without her around. Without anyone around.

Kenny left as soon as her ashes were collected, not even saying goodbye. The undertaker gave Levi the ashes in a bag. Rather than keeping them, Levi went the meadow on the south side of town, one of the places Kuchel liked to spend time on days that she kept the shop closed, and he spread her ashes under a tree.

*****

In the winter, a thick blanket of snow covered the town, and Levi's business slowed down. During the summer, he made enough money to help support himself in the winter. His plan was to hire some help for the shop in spring, offer the person room and board, and save up enough money to begin do things to the shop that Kuchel had always talked about improving. She wanted to paint the walls of the shop a brighter color, but she was too afraid to spend the money they had saved. Levi decided that he wanted to finally do it for her.

One night, after Levi had already closed the shop, the loneliness began to set in again. The loneliness was heavier because it was his birthday. And there wasn't anyone that he wanted to see.

Since his mother died, he had begun to more frequently think of getting married, to have someone else around. But he still couldn't imagine trying to love a woman even if he enjoyed her company. In the afternoon, ladies would come in for tea, and he enjoyed spending time with them. His favorites were always the older women who wore fine dresses and told dirty jokes. Some of the younger women who visited the shop tried to flirt with him, but he always felt uncomfortable. At night, he tried to think of sharing a bed with a woman. But his thoughts always wandered to sharing his bed with a man. The imaginary man was always taller. Sometimes, the man looked like Erwin. Levi didn't want to think of their final conversation, but he did like Erwin's eyes. And his hair.

When the shop was cleaned and the kitchen was prepared for the next day, Levi took a long bath, put on all of his warm clothes, and left his shop to go to a local tavern to have a late supper. He almost never went out into the town after work. Normally, he was too tired. But being in the building by himself seemed like too much. He wanted to spend some time with other people, away from work.

Levi pulled his coat around himself tighter, adjusted his scarf, tugged his hat down father, trying to protect himself from the falling snow. Clouds covered the moon, and the streetlamps gave the town a warm orange glow. Levi didn't like winter. The only reason he ever enjoyed winter was because his mother would make a cake for his birthday. This year, she wouldn't be able to do that.

He turned down an alley to go to one of the taverns which wasn't as loud and didn't have as many prostitutes. In the alley, he saw a man leaning up against a wall, and Levi frowned. The man looked like he was holding onto the wall to keep himself upright. Already drunk.

Levi walked closely along the opposite wall of the man, and he eyed him suspiciously. It was too early in the night to be that drunk. It was hardly past midnight. And being in close quarters like an alley naturally made Levi's knife hand a bit jumpy. Then, he noticed that the man had snow collecting in his blond hair, and Levi wondered why the man wasn't wearing a hat. The man had a rucksack on his back too.

Passing the man, Levi glanced at him, and his eyes widened when he saw that it was Erwin. He paused and stared. Erwin was drunk, holding onto the wall as if he didn't trust his legs not to give out. His eyes were closed, and he looked like he may faint.

“Hey,” Levi said. Erwin opened his eyes, which were streaked with red, and he tried to smile. But he only showed his teeth.

“Hello, Mr. Ackerman,” Erwin slurred, his breath visible in the freezing air. Levi stepped back farther to shed more light from the streetlamp on Erwin's face. Erwin was flushed, he was only wearing a heavy coat. He didn't have a scarf or a hat, and he was wearing the same shoes that he wore in the spring.

“Are you drunk?” Levi asked. Erwin opened his mouth, but he just nodded. “Why are you here?”

“I ate for an old man today,” Erwin slurred. “He liked drink.” Levi frowned.

“What? Who's escorting you?” Levi asked.

“Umm,” Erwin muttered. His thick eyebrows pulled together while he thought. “Meier?”

“Eric Meier?” Levi asked, his temper flaring. Erwin nodded. “He got you drunk?”

“No,” Erwin slurred. “His father drank when he ate.”

“Yeah and his father died with a bottle in his hand,” Levi snapped. Erwin winced. Levi swallowed and glared at the side of the building. Eric Meier was probably inside the tavern drinking his sixth or seventh ale, and Erwin was outside drunk and freezing to death. He looked back at Erwin. “If I go and get an officer-”

“Please,” Erwin shook his head. “Don't.” He lifted his gaze to Levi, and the look made Levi's chest hurt. Erwin looked like he had been hurt on the inside.

“Are you going to be blamed if they find out you're alone?”

“Yes,” Erwin said. “Please go away.” Levi leaned back, looking harder at Erwin. He was a miserable sight. Levi had hardly ever seen a man so drunk who was still able to stand. And his face wasn't only flushed from alcohol, but the tip of his nose was blood red. He could barely keep his eyes open.

“You're fucking freezing,” Levi said. “And he's going to be in there all night. What's going to happen if he doesn't get you back by dawn?” The irritation was slowly building into rage, and Levi began walking away to go inside the tavern and drag Meier out by his neck.

“Mr. Ackerman.”

Levi stopped and turned his head to listen. Erwin was speaking quietly.

“Don't,” Erwin begged. Levi turned back around and looked at him. “If we're late, he'll be fined. It's good for Jean.” Levi grinded his teeth together and looked at the brick wall of the tavern again.

“I'll drag his ass out here, and he'll take you back,” Levi said.

“But what will happen to your business?”

Levi looked at Erwin, concentrating. In some way, Erwin was right. If people found out that Levi was defending a sin-eater in any way, it could affect his business. But he didn't feel right about leaving anyone, including a sin-eater, outside to freeze.

“Can you walk on your own?” Levi asked. The white air that was coming from Erwin's nostrils stopped. Erwin was holding his breath. “You need to warm up, and I'll bring you back.” Levi still didn't see the little puffs of white in front of Erwin's face yet. “Come on.”

Erwin exhaled and leaned away from the wall. When he leaned away from the wall, he lost his balance, and almost fell. Instinctively, Levi reached out, and before he could stop himself, Erwin jerked backwards, seeing the hand coming towards him. Erwin landed in the snow hard, and Levi stepped forward, stopped himself, reminded himself that Erwin wasn't a civilian. They couldn't touch.

“Shit,” Levi said, the cold stinging his throat, and he realized that he was breathing heavily. “Can you get up?” Erwin nodded. He leaned forward, put his gloved hands in the snow, and he pushed himself up. It took a minute for Erwin to stand without wobbling, but he took a step. Levi walked past Erwin to start walking in the other direction, and Erwin waited a few moments before he started walking too. Without looking behind him, Levi listened to the sound of Erwin's shoes crunching in the snow. He listened intently for any sounds of stumbling, but he didn't hear any for the entire walk back his shop. Erwin's feet dragged though, he could hear that.

Levi unlocked the front door, and he stood back for Erwin to step in. But Erwin paused.

“Hurry up. You're letting the warmth out,” Levi said. Erwin walked into the shop, and Levi closed the door, locking it.

“If anyone finds me here-”

“Shut up,” Levi said. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't understand why he was taking the risk. Levi walked across the shop, into the kitchen, and he moved his arm chair closer to the oven in the kitchen. He added some wood to it so there would be an actual fire, and when he looked up from what he was doing, he saw that Erwin was leaning against the door frame of the kitchen. “Come sit.”

Levi stepped away from the chair and sat down on the stairs, taking off his gloves. He pulled at his scarf and coat. Erwin crossed the room quickly, dropping his rucksack, and he sat down in the chair. He put his gloved hands out in front of him to warm them, and Erwin looked like he wanted to jump into the oven to chase the warmth. Levi leaned against the wall of the stairwell and watched him.

“If you take your gloves off, your hands will warm up faster,” Levi said. Erwin shook his head.

“Thank you, but I can't,” Erwin said. Levi felt his insides jump when Erwin looked at him. Erwin had a gentle smile on his face. Even though he still looked tired, he also looked so relieved, and Levi felt warmth in his chest even though he still had some snow on his clothes. When Erwin looked back at the fire, Levi felt like he could breathe easier. They sat in silence while Erwin warmed up, and Levi stared at him. In the firelight, Erwin's hair looked golden rather than blond. Levi looked at the skin of Erwin's bare neck and his face. He looked away, looking at the wood panels of the staircase walls. He inspected them, wondering if they needed any maintenance. Of course they didn't.

Levi still felt hungry, and he wondered if he should offer Erwin something. Then, he grimaced. Erwin had said that he ate for someone earlier. The thought of it made Levi's stomach turn, but he still wanted to offer Erwin something as if he was a guest.

“Do you want some tea?” Levi asked, looking at Erwin again. Erwin shook his head.

Levi stood from the stairs and walked around the back of the chair over to the prep area of the kitchen. He had cleaned up everything from earlier, but he had some bacon left over from the day that needed to be used. Levi decided on a bacon, tomato, and cheese sandwich with a cup of tea.

“If you want to eat, I can go,” Erwin said. Levi shook his head.

“I don't care. I was going to the tavern because I didn't want to cook,” Levi said. He didn't want to admit that he had gone so he wouldn't be alone. Now, it seemed Erwin fixed that for him.

When his sandwich was prepared, Levi picked up the plate and cup of tea. He walked out of the kitchen and into the dining area, which only had ambient light from the street.

“Mr. Ackerman?”

“Call me Levi, or go out in the snow.”

“I'm sorry,” Erwin said, and Levi felt guilty for threatening to put him out.

“I'm going in here to eat,” Levi said. “You can stay by the fire if you want.” Levi stopped walking. “Or you can come in here. I don't care.”

He heard the arm chair move, and he started walking over to one of the tables. He set his plate and cup down before pulling the chair away from the table. Then, he heard Erwin's unsure footsteps behind him.

“Come over here and get a seat,” Levi said. He drank some of his tea while he waited for Erwin to sit down across from him. Erwin relaxed in the chair, and he looked at the sandwich and cup of tea. “You're sure you don't want something?”

“I'm sure,” Erwin said. “Thank you, Levi.” There was a thin layer of sweat on Erwin's skin. A bead of sweat rolled down Erwin's forehead, and their eyes met for a moment. Levi broke the eye contact, embarrassed for some reason, and he took a bite of his sandwich.

Erwin stared at him while he ate, and Levi tried to ignore it. But halfway into his sandwich, he couldn't stand it anymore.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“I'm sorry,” Erwin said, dropping his gaze to the table. “I've never seen a civilian eat.” Levi's eyebrows pulled together.

“It's the same isn't it?”

“Yes,” Erwin said, laughing at himself quietly. Levi saw the metal on Erwin's tongue again. It didn't look as ugly as he remembered. “I didn't expect it to be different exactly. I've just never sat at a civilian table before. I'm sorry that the liquor is affecting my manners.” Levi nodded before he took another bite and drank some of his tea. Erwin looked at him again and began staring while he ate. So Levi decided to ignore the way that Erwin's blue eyes looked in only ambient light of streetlamps coming through the windows.

“Do you get drunk from work often?” Levi asked.

“Sometimes,” Erwin said, clearing his throat. “If it's served with the meal, I can't refuse it.” Levi nodded before taking another bite. “I don't like alcohol.” Levi swallowed and looked at Erwin.

“It's not good if someone makes you drink it,” Levi said. Erwin nodded, his head bobbing too much, still showing that he was inebriated. “How's Jean?” Levi asked. He heard Erwin breathe, like a gasp, but not quite.

“He's doing well. Thank you,” Erwin said. “He's been writing letters to Mikasa and Eren. We can't send them, but I've been keeping them. He might want them when he's free.” Levi shrugged.

“If he's smart, he'll burn them and forget that he was ever a sin-eater,” Levi said. He wondered if that would offend Erwin. Levi didn't know why he couldn't find the appropriate things to say.

“Oh,” Erwin said. “But he'll never be able to forget.” Erwin looked down at the table, but he didn't seem offended this time. Levi finished his sandwich and tea. He put the tea cup on top of his plate and stood from the table, pushing the chair back. Erwin stood up too, and he followed Levi from the dining area back into the kitchen. While Levi washed his dishes, Erwin sat back down in the arm chair, enjoying the fire. With the dishes dried and put away, Levi looked over at Erwin.

“I need to sleep so I can work tomorrow,” Levi said. Erwin stood up immediately, and Levi held up a hand. “Stay here, but you need to leave in time to get back before Meier realizes you're missing.”

“I should leave,” Erwin said.

“You're ready to go wait in the snow until the tavern closes?” Levi asked. Erwin looked back at the fire, ready to say goodbye. “I'm telling you the truth when I say that he'll drink until the tavern closes. Sit down. Rest. Sober up. Go back in a few hours, and he won't even notice you were gone.” Erwin looked back at Levi, stared at Levi's eyes, but then his eyes wandered. Levi's back straightened. “What are you looking at?” Erwin shook his head and looked at Levi's eyes again.

“If I had frozen to death, no one would have cared,” Erwin said. Levi rolled his eyes.

“You don't think Jean would notice that you were missing?” Levi asked. Erwin smiled.

“Yes but,” Erwin said, shrugging. “Sometimes sin-eaters don't come back to the wall. We always tell each other that they've run away. But it happens most often during winter. I don't want Jean to believe that I've abandoned him.” Levi nodded. “He's such a good boy,” Erwin added.

“Well, you can see him tomorrow,” Levi said. He walked towards Erwin, and Erwin tensed. But then Levi walked around Erwin and the armchair to go towards the stairs.

“Levi?”

Levi turned around.

“Thank you,” Erwin said.

“Yeah-”

“Thank you for treating me like I'm a person,” Erwin said. Levi swallowed, and he felt heat in his face. He was afraid that Erwin would see it so he turned away.

“You are a person, Erwin. Good night,” Levi said while he walked up the stairs.

“Good night, Levi,” Erwin said quietly, in his deep voice.

That voice rang in Levi's head all night. He barely slept. He had admitted that he thought Erwin was a person. He shouldn't have said it. But he believed it. Erwin seemed really human.

When he heard the front door of the shop open and close, Levi got out of bed. He rushed down the stairs, locked the door to the shop, and caught a glimpse of Erwin walking into an alley. Part of Levi was briefly reminded that he let a sin-eater stay in his home for a night while it was not providing a service. That was illegal, but that wasn't the part that scared Levi. Levi was afraid because he had forgotten that Erwin was a sin-eater while he had been laying in bed, and he had been thinking about what it would be like to ask Erwin to join him.

******

The next spring, news began to circulate in town that the sin-eaters community to the north had burned down to the ground. There were no survivors. Only the wall was left. After he heard the news from the miners, Levi felt sick.

“It's a good thing,” one of them said. “If we use them too many times, they become tainted with the sin. The gods burn them down when they're used up.”

“But we still need them soon. Someone could die any day,” another said. “They'll have to supply us with sin-eaters. The next area is too far away to walk in a single night.”

“They'll move some down here,” one of the older miners said. “Same thing happened when I was a kid. The sin-eaters stay up all night feasting, drinking, and they burn their homes down. We just replace them.” Levi had trouble keeping up with his work for the rest of the day. And he kept the shop closed for two days after that claiming illness. He laid in bed, thinking of Erwin, imagining what little Jean looked like, knowing that they had been trapped while they burned alive within the wall.

Business had to continue though. Levi still needed to feed himself, and he started paying closer attention to his customers and their conversations, trying to chose someone to hire to help him. Keeping the shop by himself wasn't difficult, but he knew that as he got older, the work would become more difficult. That was the natural way of things, and he wasn't an exception.

Two weeks later, while Levi was cleaning up in the kitchen, there was a knock at his front door. His eyelids lowered in irritation, and he pulled a knife from the wooden block on the counter. It wasn't often that shops were robbed, but it still happened sometimes when a drifter came to town. Levi walked out of the kitchen and couldn't see who was at the door. He walked over to the window next to the door and looked out of it. A little boy looked through the window at him. Levi rolled his eyes, set the knife down on the table, and opened the door.

“Closed for the night, kid,” Levi said.

“But I have money!” the kid snapped.

“N-”

“I can pay you! Please! I'm very hungry!” Levi glared at the kid.

“Look, brat. I'm closed for the night. Come back tomorrow.”

“But I need food for my brother too! We're hungry!”

Levi started to close the door. But the door stopped, and when he looked around it, the kid was leaning against the door, putting all of his weight against it, even growling a little.

“Please give me some food, sir!” the kid begged. “I can't go back without food!” Levi admired the kid's determination, and he guessed that he must really be starving. Levi let the door go, the door swung open, and the kid fell down into the floor, barely catching himself. He glared up at Levi with his little light brown eyes, but he couldn't handle the intensity of Levi's return glare.

“Get up. Let's eat,” Levi said. The kid jumped up from the floor, pushed his clothes into place, patted his two-tone hair down. He walked into the shop, and Levi closed the door behind him, locking it again. “Sit down at a table and wait. I haven't eaten either.”

Levi walked away from the child, picking up his knife on his way back to the kitchen. He served two portions of leftovers and took them into the dining room with two cups of tea. The kid was sitting at one of the tables, looking around with bright eyes. When Levi walked into the room, the boy's eyes focused on the food.

“What's that?” the boy asked.

“Don't ask. Just eat,” Levi said. He put the food down in front of the boy, and he watched. Rather than waiting, the boy began to immediately eat like he hadn't eaten in days. Levi realized that maybe the boy had actually been starving. When the boy tore into the bread, he almost choked. “Slow down.” Levi sat down with his own meal, but he couldn't eat. Watching the boy eat was like watching a competitive sport. “What's your name?” The kid had trouble swallowing.

“Jean,” he said with a half-full mouth. Levi raised his eyebrows and nodded. Jean finished his meal within seconds, drowning it with tea that he chugged.

“You said you had a brother?”

“Uh huh!”

“What's your brother's name?” Levi asked. Jean lowered his tea cup and narrowed his eyes at Levi. Levi pushed his own plate of food towards Jean. “You said your brother needed food too, right?” Jean looked down at the plate, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. “You can have this, and I'll fix you something to take to him if you tell me his name.” Jean seemed to weigh out what Levi was offering, and Levi could see the change in Jean's sharp eyes when he decided it was a fair trade.

“His name is Erwin,” Jean said. Levi pushed his plate all the way across the table, and Jean practically pounced on it. He ate that meal slower. Levi watched Jean eat, and he couldn't help but feel relieved, and honestly excited to know that Erwin had survived the fire. Not only that, but Erwin was actually free for now. He was hiding for some reason, and Levi wondered if the guards knew that some of the sin-eaters had survived. All of the citizens were under the impression that the sin-eaters had died.

When Jean was finished eating, he pushed the plates away from himself and relaxed in his chair. Levi sipped at his tea, watching Jean melt into the chair, closing his eyes, rubbing his stomach.

“Do you know how to wash dishes?” Levi asked. Jean opened his eyes barely.

“Yes, sir.”

“You can keep your money if you'll wash the dishes,” Levi said. Jean shook his head.

“Erwin told me I had to pay for it,” Jean said. Levi nodded. If that's what Erwin said, Levi couldn't argue with it. He sipped his tea, keeping his eyes on Jean.

“Where is Erwin?”

“I don't know,” Jean said quickly. It was fast enough to sound rehearsed, and Levi didn't push. Erwin was doing something to make sure they stayed safe. Levi finished his tea, picked up the plates, and stood to take them to the kitchen.

“You did good, kid,” Levi said. “I'll pack up something for Erwin.” Levi took the dishes to the kitchen, dropped them into the wash bucket, and he looked around for something that Jean could hold onto easily. He decided to make some sandwiches and wrap them up in cheesecloth. Levi made himself a sandwich to eat too since he gave his leftovers to Jean.

Levi took the cheesecloth wrapped sandwiches to Jean, who had already put money out on the table. Jean carefully took the sandwiches, and Levi pushed some of the money back towards him.

“You left too much,” Levi said. Jean put the extra money back into his pocket, got out of the chair, and ran over to the door. “Stop running,” Levi snapped. Jean waited impatiently at the door for Levi to unlock it, even tapping his little foot. Levi unlocked the door and opened it for him, and Jean walked for the first meter out of the door. Then, he started running again. Levi shook his head, watching the kid running down the street. He closed the door, locked it again, and he went back to the kitchen to eat, forgetting the money on the table. Levi was too excited to eat.

Erwin was alive. And if Jean came by, that could mean Erwin might come back again.

The next night, there was a knock on Levi's door again. Levi had his hands in the wash bucket, cleaning some dishes, and he sighed, closing his eyes tightly. Another knock.

He took his hands out of the water, wiped them off, took the handkerchief off his hair, and went to the door.

When he looked out the window, he saw Jean again. Levi unlocked the door and let Jean in.

“Hello, Mr. Ackerman,” Jean said, walking into the shop. Levi closed the door, locked it, and crossed his arms. He hadn't told Jean his name, but he guessed that Erwin had told Jean what to call him.

“You want to eat again?” Levi asked. Jean nodded, but he looked hesitant. “What's wrong with you?” Jean frowned up at him.

“Can you make an omelet?” Jean asked the question like it was an interrogation. Levi tilted his head. Something was different.

“Yeah,” Levi said.

“I want an omelet,” Jean said.

“It'll cost more than what you ate last night,” Levi said. Jean frowned deeper, put his hands behind his back, and looked down at his shoes. “Short on money?” Jean looked up at him.

“I'll wash your dishes!” he offered. Levi raised an eyebrow, still feeling like the situation seemed off.

“Is Erwin alright with that?” Levi asked. And that's when Jean looked genuinely pissed off. His little face flushed a furious red. Levi understood then. Jean was angry with Erwin for some reason. “Erwin doesn't know you're here?”

“Erwin can eat dirt,” Jean snapped. Levi raised his eyebrows. He put one of his hands in Jean's light brown hair and used it to direct Jean's chubby face up to his. “Ow!” Levi leaned down.

“You're going to say that about the man who cleaned your ass when you were in diapers?” Levi asked. Jean's eyes widened.

“You said one of the bad words,” Jean whispered, like he was also culpable in the crime just for hearing the word.

“Whatever Erwin did, he was doing it to keep you safe, brat,” Levi said. Jean frowned. “Get over it.” Levi let Jean's hair go. “Start washing or get out.” Jean pushed at his light brown hair and walked around Levi to go into the kitchen. Levi turned around and followed him.

Levi had to give Jean one of the dining room chairs so he could reach the wash bucket on the counter. But Jean took his time, really trying to make sure the dishes were clean while Levi made the omelet for him. Jean asked for some cheese and meat, and Levi put a few vegetables in the omelet. And when Jean opened his mouth to complain, Levi looked at him, and Jean closed his mouth. Levi made himself an omelet, and he made another one to send with Jean for Erwin.

Jean wasn't done with the dishes by the time the omelets were ready, but he acted like he couldn't wait to eat.

“Can you put some tomato paste on top?” Jean asked, staring at the omelets on the plates. Levi frowned down at him.

“Tomato paste?” Levi asked. Jean nodded.

“Or just some tomato,” Jean said. Levi thought it was a strange request, but he crushed a quarter of a tomato and put it on top of the egg.

When they sat down to eat, Jean tried to tear into the omelet.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Levi said. Jean froze with a bite of egg halfway to his mouth. “Eat slow.” Jean put the egg in his mouth and chewed slowly a few times. Satisfied, Levi started eating, and they didn't talk. The only sound in the shop was forks on plates. Jean picked all of the vegetables out of the omelet and put them on the side of his plate.

When they were finished eating, Jean leaned back in his chair with a huge smile on his face. He ran his hands through his hair, fluffing it.

“That was so good!” Jean said.

“What did Erwin do to piss you off?” Levi asked. Jean frowned at him, and Levi didn't mind considering that he had just ruined Jean's moment.

“Why do you keep using bad words?”

“Which word? Piss?”

“Yeah.”

“Adults get to do that, I guess. I don't know what Erwin's teaching you. Just answer the question.”

“He didn't want me to come back here,” Jean said. Levi's eyebrows pulled together.

“Why not?” Levi asked. He took a sip of his tea. Jean remembered his own tea then, and he drank some of it in a few gulps, gasping. Levi grinned behind his tea cup.

“Why do you hold your cup like that?” Jean asked. Levi looked at his cup, and he realized he was holding it by the rim rather than the handle like Jean. Levi shrugged.

“I like it this way,” Levi said. That was enough of an explanation for a kid. Jean looked at his own tea cup with suspicion. He lifted the cup by the rim like Levi, but he shook his head and put it back down.

“It's weird,” Jean said, picking up with tea cup with two hands.

“Yeah, well tomato paste on an omelet is weird too,” Levi said.

“Is not!” Jean snapped. Levi grinned and shook his head. “It's delicious!”

“Uh huh,” Levi said. “Doesn't feel so great to having something you like called weird, right?” Jean frowned at him and looked at Levi's hand on the tea cup. “Why didn't Erwin want you coming back?”

“He said we shouldn't bother you,” Jean said. “But I told him that I'm not bothering you.”

“So does Erwin know you're here?” Levi asked. Jean looked down, embarrassed and irritated.

“He went to get some food,” Jean said. “And I left. Because the food he brings isn't good.” Levi set his tea cup down, rubbed his eyes with one hand, pinching the bridge of his nose. He had a runaway sin-eater kid in his shop.

“Where are you staying?” Levi asked, looking at him again. Jean shook his head furiously.

“I can't tell,” Jean said. Levi nodded. If Jean had told him right away, it would have worried him.

“Good. Don't tell anyone,” Levi said. “But you need to go back to Erwin. And if he's pissed off that you left, you need to tell him you're sorry.”

“I'm not sorry,” Jean said, flushing a deep red.

“Look at me,” Levi said. Jean lifted his vicious little brown eyes and glared at Levi. “Right now, he's scared that you're lost or you're hurt. Do you remember that night in winter that Erwin came back really late? He didn't come back at night, he came back the next day, right?” Jean raised his eyebrows.

“Was he eating for your family?” Jean asked. Levi winced. It sounded gross when a child talked about sin-eating.

“No,” Levi said. “But you know what it's like for someone to leave the wall and not come back, right?” Jean nodded, eyeing Levi like he knew Levi was going to say something he didn't want to hear. “And it makes everyone sad and afraid?” Jean nodded again. “That's how Erwin feels right now. You scared him.” Jean looked a little sad, and his eyes flooded with tears suddenly.

“I miss home,” Jean said. Some of the tears rushed down his face, and he rubbed them away, still embarrassed and angry. “ I don't like it here. It's too big, and people don't like me. I want to go home.” Levi narrowed his eyes and thought about what he wanted to say next. He couldn't imagine what Jean was feeling. Jean had been pushed out of his home, and he knew that people weren't supposed to see him, except for the ones that Erwin told him were okay. Not to mention that Jean had probably never been outside of the wall before the fire. Jean rubbed at his face to try and hide the tears, not looking at Levi. He sniffled, but his nose began to run anyway.

Levi grimaced at the snot on Jean's face, and he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket. Jean stared at it.

“Wipe your face off. You're-” Levi stopped. He didn't want to call the kid disgusting. “Wipe your face off.” Levi dropped the handkerchief on the table, and Jean picked it up to wipe off his face.

“Right now, home is where Erwin is,” Levi said. More tears started running down Jean's face and more snot followed. “It's okay to be-” Levi stopped, picking the right word. “Angry. But Erwin lost his home too.” Jean wiped his face again and sighed, sniffling. “You need to go back.” Jean nodded.

“Okay,” he said. Jean tried to give Levi's handkerchief back.

“Keep it,” Levi said. “Take that other omelet to Erwin.” Jean nodded, standing up from his chair. He pushed the chair under the table and went to the kitchen. Levi wrapped up the omelet and gave it to Jean, who held it too close to him. “Don't squeeze it,” Levi said. Jean loosened his grip.

Levi opened the door for Jean, who walked away slowly, and he watched Jean walk down the street a while, making sure that no one would take notice of him before he closed the door and locked it. After the omelets, Levi still had a lot of cleaning up to do, and by the time he took his bath for the night, he was tired. He almost fell asleep in the tub. That night he slept in his bed, wondering if Erwin would be alright. Trying to raise a kid that young, while trying to hide, had to be so difficult.

The next morning when Levi opened the shop, he found a little bag of money on his front step with a note attached to it.

I'm sorry for your trouble. We can't accept free food.

Levi looked in the bag. There was too much money in it. He decided to save it in case Jean came back.

******

Three weeks later, when Levi was saying goodbye to the ladies who came by for afternoon tea, he saw Jean sitting across the street. Jean waited until everyone left, and he crossed the street, walking into the shop. Levi closed the door.

“Hey, kid.”

Jean offered him a note. Levi took the note, his eyebrows pinching together, and he opened it.

Would you consider letting Jean work for you?

Levi raised his eyebrows, looked at Jean and back at the note. He read it again, and he felt like he could hear Erwin's desperation. When he looked at Jean again, he noticed that Jean had a smudge of dirt on his cheek, and his clothes weren't in good condition like they had been three weeks earlier. Erwin was having trouble getting them away from town then. He couldn't escape and set a good example for Jean too. To get away from town, Erwin would probably have to lie, cheat, or steal. He didn't want Jean to see that. Levi wasn't sure how they had survived without being discovered this long.

Levi folded the note up and held it up.

“Did you read this note?” Levi asked. Jean shook his head. Levi put the note in his pocket. “It says that you want to work for food and a place to stay.” Jean raised his eyebrows. “Is that true?” Jean looked around.

“Stay here?” Jean asked, looking back at Levi.

“It's hard work,” Levi said, crossing his arms. “But you'll have your own room, and you'll get three meals.” Jean exhaled heavily.

“Erwin too?” Jean asked. Levi shrugged.

“If he wants to do that, I'll talk to him about it,” Levi said. “But he only mentioned you in the note.” Jean narrowed his eyes, thinking. He looked around again, and Levi could tell that he was struggling. “If Erwin doesn't want to work here, he'll find something.” Jean didn't seem convinced. “Wherever he wants to work probably can't take kids. But he wants you to have food and a bed.” Jean nodded and looked at Levi.

“I want to do that,” Jean admitted, and he seemed a little ashamed, lowering his gaze to the floor again. Even though Jean was so young, Levi could tell that Jean felt guilty for taking the offer of a bed without Erwin.

“Alright,” Levi said. “Here's the rules. You aren't from the wall anymore. You're a civilian kid.” Jean's face brightened a little. “If someone asks where you're from, say that you came here from Shiganshina.” Jean nodded. “You'll wake up when I wake up. You'll wash when I tell you to. You'll go to bed when I tell you to. When I tell you to help, you'll help. When I tell you to go outside and get out of my way, you'll go outside, and you'll behave. Don't cause me any trouble.” Levi waited, and Jean nodded. “So what do you want?” Jean looked up at him.

“Huh?”

“I told you what I want,” Levi said. “I'm already giving you a bed and food. This is the time for us to discuss what we're going to trade. What else do you want in exchange for your work?” Jean frowned, thinking.

“Money?” Jean asked, confused about negotiating. Levi shook his head. Eventually, he might be able to afford to give Jean a small allowance, but while they were adjusting to him being there, money could be tight.

“Not yet. Maybe later,” Levi said. “What else?” Jean rubbed his forehead while he thought. Then, his brown eyes widened.

“I want an omelet to eat three times a day,” Jean blurted.

“Twice a week. Eggs are expensive.”

“Deal!”

Levi offered his hand for Jean to shake, and Jean backed away from him, not from fear but as a reflex. At first, Levi thought about lowering his hand. But he couldn't do that.

“Civilians shake hands when they make a deal,” Levi said. Jean looked at him with obvious skepticism. “I'm not going to tell you to do something that will get you hurt.” Levi waited, still holding his hand out. “You're a civilian now, Jean.” Jean swallowed and looked at Levi's hand. Levi could physically see Jean gathering up his courage before he stepped forward and shoved his hand into Levi's. Levi closed his hand around Jean's and shook it twice. “Deal,” he said. Jean smiled up at him.

“Deal!” Jean said again. Levi took his hand away.

“Go bathe and give me the clothes you're wearing so I can wash them. Bathroom is next to the kitchen,” Levi said. Jean rushed off to do it. When he heard the bathroom door slam, Levi looked up at the ceiling and sighed, trying to come to terms with what he had just done. He couldn't turn the kid away, but he didn't want to raise one either. Erwin must have a different plan. It wouldn't last forever. Erwin just needed some time to do what couldn't be done with Jean around.

Levi couldn't even decide why he had agreed to it so quickly. Except now that he had seen Jean, since he had met Erwin, he had started thinking that it wasn't right to put sin-eaters behind a wall. They were human. He had seen Erwin suffer. Jean was like any other kid, even if he was a bit immature for his age because of his captivity. Levi didn't know Erwin very well, and he wondered if Erwin was just using him somehow. But he couldn't figure out how. Levi bit his bottom lip while he thought about it.

It was possible that Erwin going to leave Jean with Levi and run away. But Levi had seen the way that Erwin talked about Jean, and he couldn't imagine Erwin abandoning him, especially after he specifically said that he didn't want to do that. Levi didn't really believe that Erwin would abandon Jean. Something else was happening, and Erwin hadn't told him about it in the note because the less that Levi knew, the better.

“Mr. Ackerman! Here are my clothes!” Jean yelled. Levi rolled his eyes and went to wash Jean's clothes.

******

Six weeks later, Levi began to really worry that Erwin had abandoned Jean, by leaving town or dying, he wasn't sure.

At first, Levi thought might Jean might just make more work for him. But Jean tried his best. He wasn't clumsy, and he asked a lot of questions to make sure that he did the work right. Levi could focus on cooking, and Jean worked on cleaning up the dishes. The first day, Levi told Jean to wash slow, and he gradually told Jean to speed up throughout the first week when he realized that Jean wasn't going to leave the dishes half dirty. Jean was exhausted every night, and Levi found him asleep in the tub several times.

Levi told Jean to sleep in Kuchel's room. Jean didn't have any extra clothes, and one of the first things that Levi had to do was buy Jean some clothes that he could wear for work. Levi didn't mind. While they were out, Jean asked if he could have some cheap paper and pencils. Levi bought it for him, and on the days that Levi gave Jean off, Jean would stay in his little room and draw on the paper with his pencils. He used all of the empty space on both sides of paper.

One night, after he cleaned up, Levi went upstairs to see what Jean was doing. Jean kept his bedroom door open all of the time, and when Levi was at the top of the stairs, he could see Jean was laying in the floor of his room, dressed in his sleeping clothes, drawing on some paper. Levi narrowed his eyes, leaning against the door frame. Jean looked up at him, grinning.

“It's time for bed,” Levi said. Jean's grin went away, and he rushed through the rest of the drawing, trying to finish. Levi let him. When the drawing was finished, Jean put his papers away, slid them under his bed, and crawled under the covers. Jean pulled his sleeping cap onto his head and wiggled in the bed to get comfortable. Levi walked into the room to turn off the lamp, but he paused beside Jean's bed. “Don't you want to go outside and play sometime?” Jean yawned, and Levi waited. Jean shook his head, wiping the water from his eyes.

“No, I don't like the outside,” Jean said.

“Not even to see Eren and Mikasa?” Levi asked. Jean sat straight up in bed, the tassel of his sleeping cap bobbing.

“Eren and Mikasa are here?” Jean asked. Levi sat on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah,” Levi said. “There are a bunch of kids in town.” Jean lowered his eyes, thinking about it. Levi realized that he might have made a mistake. Eren and Mikasa had exchanged toys with Jean while Jean was still within the wall. But Eren and Mikasa probably didn't even know Jean's name. “I could ask Dr. Jaeger if you could go over and meet Eren and Mikasa sometime.” Jean frowned.

“But don't they know where I'm from?” Jean asked. Levi couldn't deny that the kid was pretty quick. But he shook his head.

“I don't think so,” Levi said. “I'll make sure. I'm going to tell Dr. Jaeger you came from Shiganshina, and you can tell Eren and Mikasa the same thing.” Jean looked up at him, grinning a little.

“They made some really neat things for me,” Jean said.

“Yeah?” Levi asked. Jean nodded. “Did you get to take any of them with you?”

“Erwin has them,” Jean said, his voice lowering to a whisper. Levi swallowed. The question was coming. “Do you think Erwin is okay?” Levi wanted to say yes. He wanted to say Erwin was alright, just busy doing... something. Jean rubbed his tired eyes.

“I don't know if he's okay,” Levi said. Jean nodded, dropping his hands to the bed again. “But I know he wants you to have friends.” Jean looked at Levi again. “Time to sleep.” Levi stood from the bed and turned out the lamp. He didn't want anymore hard questions for the night.

“Good night, Mr. Ackerman,” Jean said.

“Good night,” Levi said. He walked out of the room and went to the hallway lamp to turn it down. Jean didn't like the dark yet, and Levi didn't mind keeping the lamp low for him.

Levi went back down the stairs to bathe and get ready to sleep.

******

After Levi talked to Grisha about the kid who just “showed up” and started helping him with his shop, Grisha seemed confused. Child drifters were unusual, but not unheard of. Grisha agreed to let Eren and Mikasa spend time with Jean as long as he didn't teach them any bad habits that he might have learned from the streets. Jean started playing with Eren and Mikasa regularly, but Eren and Jean got into arguments quickly and frequently.

One day, Jean came home scuffed up with a tear in the knee of his pants. Levi told him he couldn't go out for a week. Jean pouted, blamed Eren loudly, but Levi was firm and fair. He showed Jean how to sew up the tear in his pants. And Levi caught a glimpse of Jean's most recent drawing of Mikasa. The regular fights started to make more sense.

After his week of house arrest was over, Jean went back out, and he came home talking about new friends named Sasha, Connie, and mostly Marco. Levi pretended to be interested while Jean blabbered about the new kids, and he made vague comments in the appropriate places. Jean started behaving himself and stopped spending so much time with only Eren and Mikasa. He started spending most of his time with Marco, and his drawings changed to Marco too. Levi liked Marco because Jean seemed calmer when he came home, excited but not so frustrated anymore. Marco seemed to be a good influence.

That's why is was surprising when Levi woke up in his chair one night, hearing Jean's feet on the squeaky stairs. He squinted in the dim light of the kitchen, closed his eyes, and pretended to sleep. Jean had been so well behaved lately, and Levi hoped that Jean was just coming down for a drink of water. But Jean was moving so slowly, Levi thought something else had come up. Maybe he was sneaking out for some reason. The nights were going to cool off soon. Snow would come after that. If Jean was going to start sneaking out, Levi wanted to catch it early.

He kept his eyes closed, kept his breathing even while he heard Jean slip by him, and when Jean left the kitchen, Levi opened his eyes and listened. He expected to hear the front door, but he heard the back door open instead. That surprised Levi enough to pull him out of his chair. They only used the back door to collect the mushrooms that grew in the small grassy area behind the shop and throw out dirty water. But it was even more suspicious for Jean to use the back door.

Silently, Levi padded through the kitchen in his bare feet, listening. He rounded the doorway that led to the shop, and he still couldn't see the back door. He walked along the wall of the shop, listening while he moved, avoiding the louder parts of the floor. As he got closer to the corner, where there was an alcove for the back door, he heard two voices. One was Jean. The other, he didn't recognize, but it was deep, older.

At the corner of the room and alcove for the back door, Levi put his back to the wall and listened.

“- here too,” Jean said.

“I can't ask that of him,” Erwin said. Levi raised his eyebrows. It was Erwin. Excitement flared in his chest, and his eyes widened in the dark room. “How have things been?”

“Great,” Jean said. “I've made friends.”

“Good,” Erwin said, and Levi thought he could hear Erwin's relief in his voice. “I brought you your things.”

“Don't go, Erwin,” Jean said. “Mr. Ackerman will help you.”

“I'm sorry, Jean, I can't stay here,” Erwin said. Levi rounded the corner, looked into the dark alcove.

“Why not?” Levi asked. From the ambient light outside, Levi saw Erwin startle, almost run, and then stop. Jean froze in place. “Get in here before someone sees you.” Jean stepped back, closer to Levi, and Erwin stepped into the small space, closing the door behind him.

“I'm sorry, Levi,” Erwin said.

“Go to bed, Jean,” Levi said.

“But-” Jean said.

Levi looked at him, and even in the dim room, Jean could see the look. Levi moved aside, Jean passed him by, holding tightly to the bag of his things, and dragged his feet while he walked back to the kitchen.

“I better hear you on the stairs,” Levi said. He and Erwin waited, and Levi heard the stairs squeaking close to the top. But that didn't mean that Jean wouldn't sneak back down. Levi lowered his voice to a whisper. “What's been going on?” He stepped back, and Erwin stepped forward into the dining room. Levi took a look at him, and even if the light was dim, he could see that Erwin was much thinner than he remembered. The black and white clothes hung loosely on him. After looking at Erwin's shirt, Levi realized that he was only in sleeping pants, and he felt exposed. But the defeated look on Erwin's face distracted him from feeling embarrassed. Erwin shook his head, and Levi wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to the question anyway. Erwin had been hiding for a couple of months, maybe eating out of the trash, sleeping during the day and moving at night. “I thought you had left by now.”

“I couldn't,” Erwin said.

“Why?”

“I didn't have enough money for a horse when I left the wall. I can't travel very far in a single night,” Erwin said. Levi looked Erwin over again.

“How much money do you need to go?” Levi asked. Erwin shook his head.

“I can't take your money, Levi,” Erwin said. “You've done so much for me. And I could never repay you for what you've done for Jean.” Levi paused, the silence heavy. He knew how Erwin could repay him, but he was afraid to ask. If he asked, if Erwin answered the way that Levi really wanted him to answer, then Levi knew he would feel a fluttering in his stomach. His head swam just thinking about the answer. And that scared him.

“I'm not offering you money. I'm offering you work,” Levi said. Erwin shook his head. “Stop shaking your head at me and listen.” Erwin looked at him, and his blue eyes caught some of the light from the streetlamps outside. Levi had trouble speaking because he lost his breath for a moment. He cleared his throat. “Help me out around here. I'll pay you what I can until you have enough money for a horse. And you won't be starving.” Erwin continued to stare at him, hesitant and obviously shaken. “I don't know what you've been doing since you sent Jean here, but staying here is better than that. Just get over your pride-”

“It's not pride,” Erwin said, keeping his eyes on Levi. “I don't want to take anything from you.”

“You aren't,” Levi said, irritation obvious. “It's a fucking trade.” Erwin's thick eyebrows rose. “Aren't you trying to be a civilian?” The tension thickened, and Levi wondered if he had pissed Erwin off. But Erwin didn't seem angry. He only seemed surprised.

“I'm far from a civilian,” Erwin said. “But I see your point.” Levi thought about offering his hand to shake on the deal, like he had with Jean, but he knew Erwin wouldn't take his hand.

“How much do you want?” Levi asked. Erwin inhaled and looked around the dining room, putting his hands in his pockets.

“I've never made a trade like this before,” Erwin said, looking at Levi again. Levi crossed his arms. He swallowed and thought about what he wanted to offer. It had to be a fair price, but feeding three mouths would be expensive.

“Without food, I could pay you a piece of silver a month,” Levi said. “With food, I might not be able to pay you enough before the first snow.” Erwin's mouth turned down with worry. “It's all I can offer.”

“It's plenty,” Erwin said. “I wanted to leave before winter, but I can stay until spring if necessary.”

“If you stay until spring, you'll have enough money for a horse and whatever else you need to get where you want to go,” Levi said. Erwin nodded, looking away from Levi.

“That sounds like the best plan, but I didn't want to burden you for that long,” Erwin said.

“If you do good work, it won't be a burden,” Levi said. Erwin pushed one of his gloved hands through his hair. “I'm used to shaking hands to seal a deal.”

“I can't shake your hand,” Erwin said. “I'm sorry.”

“If you're going to take the deal, go wash,” Levi said. “You smell.” Erwin grinned at him and nodded.

“I'll do that,” Erwin said. Levi stepped back farther and pointed towards the kitchen.

“Bathroom is next to the kitchen,” Levi said. “We'll have to buy a towel for you. Use mine for now. It's the bigger one. Sleep in the room next to Jean.”

“I will not take your bed,” Erwin said.

“I sleep in the chair anyway,” Levi said. “Ask Jean.”

“It's true,” a small voice came from the kitchen. Levi turned and looked in that direction. There was a tuft of light brown hair near the kitchen doorway.

“Get your ass in bed!” Levi said. There was the sound of running all the way up the stairs, and Levi thought he could hear Jean's mattress squeak. When Levi looked back at Erwin, Erwin was smiling at him.

“I've never spoken to him like that before,” Erwin said, laughing a little.

“It gets results,” Levi said. “Go. I'm tired.” Erwin nodded and turned to go, but a few steps away, he stopped and turned back.

“Levi,” Erwin said. “Thank you.” Levi didn't know what to say, and Erwin didn't wait for a response. He walked through the dining room, and Levi watched him disappear into the kitchen.

When he heard the bathroom door close, Levi had to sit down at one of the tables. He realized that he was breathing heavily, and he winced. His stomach was trembling.

Erwin was going to be in his home until spring. And he would have to look at those eyes every day. Levi hid his face in his hands. Erwin was still a sin-eater, but Levi could only see the way that Erwin looked at him. He could only think of how soft Erwin's hair looked. And Erwin's voice.

He wished that he didn't feel that way, about any man, but especially a sin-eater.

******

The next night, Erwin came from downstairs when Levi locked up the shop. Jean hadn't been downstairs all day. He wanted to spend time with Erwin, telling him about what had happened since they had been apart. Levi didn't mind, but it was a very busy day. He was tired, and he even felt a little dizzy.

When Levi went back into the kitchen, Erwin paused at the bottom of the stairs. He didn't have any extra clothes, but he had washed the ones he was wearing. The black coat was gone, and Erwin was only in his black slacks, black socks, his white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and he still wore his black leather gloves. Without the coat, Levi could see how skinny Erwin was, and Levi would've offered him something to eat if he hadn't felt so tired.

Levi poured himself a glass of water, thinking that the dizzy and queasy feeling must be from not hydrating while he was working. Erwin stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking at Levi with some concern.

“What?” Levi asked.

“You look very tired,” Erwin said. Levi nodded.

“Busy day,” Levi said.

“I'm sorry. I should have sent Jean down to help,” Erwin said.

“It wasn't necessary,” Levi said. “If I needed help, I would have called for him.” Erwin nodded but still looked unsure. “Are you hungry?” Levi asked. Jean came rushing down the stairs. “Is it omelet night, Jean?”

“Yeah!” Jean said.

“Yes, sir,” Erwin corrected Jean quietly.

“Yes, sir!” Jean said with just as much enthusiasm. “Can Erwin make the omelets?”

“Jean-” Erwin said.

“Yeah, he can make them,” Levi said. He drank the rest of his water and put it in the sink. He still felt queasy. “I'm too tired.” Levi walked over to the arm chair and sat down.

“Please make the omelets, Erwin,” Jean said. Erwin opened his mouth to protest, but Jean kept smiling up at him. When Erwin looked at Levi, Levi yawned for good measure.

“I can't handle a civilian's food,” Erwin said. Levi propped his head up on his fist.

“Why not?” Levi asked. Erwin frowned at him. Levi met the look without an expression. “I'm tired. If you can make them, do it.” Jean tugged on Erwin's wrist a few times, and Erwin lifted his eyes to the roof, exhaling.

“Alright,” Erwin said. Jean jumped before he ran over to where Levi kept the eggs.

Erwin stopped and raised his hands in front of himself. Then, after two swift motions, Levi caught sight of Erwin's bare hands. Erwin put his gloves in the right pocket of his slacks, and Levi's eyes were stuck on the bare skin. His eyes roamed over Erwin's forearms and landed on Erwin's hands. Levi wondered if Erwin's hands were soft or calloused from hard labor. But seeing Erwin's bare hands made heat rise in the back of Levi's neck.

Levi's back felt stiff, and he realized that he had tensed up. After a few even breaths, Levi tried to relax and just enjoy watching them. He watched Jean show Erwin around the kitchen. A few times, Jean was too loud, and Erwin quietened him. But Levi grinned when he saw how excited Jean was to have Erwin back.

Eventually, Erwin started cooking the omelets, and Jean was only getting in his way. But Erwin didn't lose his patience. He encouraged Jean to help even though it slowed him down. Erwin even let Jean make an entire omelet himself with strict supervision and direction. Watching the two of them together reminded Levi of the way his mother taught him to cook. Then, he remember Kuchel's face. He hadn't seen her in so long that the small details were gone. He could only remember her hair and eyes. While he had Jean, he hadn't thought of her as much. He wondered if he would think of her even less with Erwin around. But then, he remembered that Erwin had eaten for her. Levi swallowed, trying to get the sour taste out of his mouth. The smell of the food flipped his stomach.

Levi stood up from the chair, and Erwin looked up from his work to look at Levi. Without saying anything, Levi went to the bathroom and closed the door. He leaned over the sink grimacing, disgusted with himself. He told himself that he was only tired, and that's why he felt so weak. That's why Erwin's hands looked so nice. Then, the image of Erwin eating next to Kuchel's corpse surfaced. The sour taste in his mouth became worse.

To try and get the taste out of his mouth, Levi used some of his mint vinegar, keeping it in his mouth much longer than he needed to. When he spit, he winced and gasped. Then, his stomach cramped and his mouth watered. Levi doubled over, holding his midsection, and he felt his face flush before he vomited into the sink. The liquid forced itself up his throat and out.

After retching again, Levi held onto the edge of the sink and sank down to his knees. He rested his forehead against the cool porcelain and squeezed his eyelids shut.

“Fuck,” Levi said, wincing. His stomach was cramping again. There was another rush of saliva and the sour taste returned. His face felt red hot, and he lifted himself over the sink again just in time for another round of vomiting. After that, he had to use the toilet.

Twenty minutes and four flushes of the toilet later, Levi was laying on bathroom tile, wrapped around the base of the toilet, enjoying the cool floor. He had managed to pull his trousers back up, but he felt like he couldn't get very far from the toilet without consequences. And there was a gentle knock on the door.

“Levi?” Erwin asked. Levi moaned softly and closed his eyes. He didn't feel like talking, much less lifting his head to look at the door. “Levi, are you alright?” Levi sighed again, trying to decide if he had the energy to answer. But Erwin didn't give him much time to decide.

Levi heard the door open, and there was silence for a while. Then, the sink tap was running, and he guessed Erwin was washing the sink out.

“Don't come in here, Jean, he's sick,” Erwin said. Levi heard the door close, the sound of the toilet lid being lowered, and then he heard the sound of Erwin's shoes. “Levi, can you look at me?” Levi turned his head and looked up. Erwin was straddling him, looking down at him, concerned but calm. “Do you feel feverish?” Levi closed his eyes and sighed. He could smell his own breath, and it was horrible. Rather than asking, he wished that Erwin would just feel of his skin and make his own judgment.

“I don't know,” Levi muttered.

“Would a lukewarm bath help?” Erwin asked. When Erwin said the word “bath”, Levi saw the flash of his tongue ring. “And some fresh clothes.” Levi put his forehead on the cool tile floor again.

“Yeah,” Levi whispered.

“Okay,” Erwin said. Levi heard the tap in the tub begin to run. “I'm going to go warm some water. Don't get in while it's cold.” Levi didn't respond. He closed his eyes, only wanting to rest. He wouldn't have agreed to the bath if he didn't feel dirty.

Erwin's shoes moved away, the door opened again, and Levi lost track of time while he was laying on the floor. Eventually, Erwin came back, and the tap in the tub was turned off. Warm water was added, and some of it dripped from the bucket into Levi's hair. The bathroom was too small for both of them.
When the water stopped pouring, Erwin backed away carefully.

“I'm going to go get your clothes,” Erwin said. “Can you get into the tub, or would you like me to ask Jean to help?”

“I got it,” Levi said. He heard Erwin back out of the bathroom, and the door closed again.

Levi got up from the floor, shed his clothes in a pile, and climbed into the tub. He wanted to relax in the water, but cleaning himself was more important. Nothing made him feel more disgusting and dirty than a stomach illness.

While Levi was washing, Erwin came back into the bathroom with a pile of sleeping clothes from Levi's room. Erwin kept his eyes on the floor.

“I found these,” Erwin said. He set the folded clothes on the toilet lid, keeping his eyes trained on the tile floor. Even through his sickness, Levi felt exposed, naked in the tub while Erwin was in the room. He winced when he swallowed.

“They're fine,” Levi said without looking at Erwin.

“You should sleep in the bed tonight,” Erwin said. Levi looked up at him.

“If I sleep up there, I might not make it down here in time,” Levi said.

“I could send Jean to Dr. Jaeger's for a chamber pot if you want,” Erwin said. “Maybe Dr. Jaeger would have some medicine that could help you.”

Levi's stomach cramped again, and he winced, leaning over in the tub to hold his stomach. He couldn't answer Erwin.

“I'll send him,” Erwin said. When Levi looked up, he caught Erwin's eyes on him for a moment before Erwin turned around and left the room, closing the door. Levi scrubbed himself until he felt clean, and he got out of the tub, draining it. He dried off, pulled on his fresh clothes.

From that small amount of activity, Levi felt tired, and he sat down on the floor to rest. He rested his head on the lid of the toilet. When he closed his eyes, he felt like he slept some.

The door to the bathroom opened again, and Levi opened his eyes. He saw Erwin in the doorway.

“Can you make it up the stairs?” Erwin asked. Levi lifted his head and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He still felt queasy. Erwin almost stepped forward as if to help, but he stopped himself.

Levi stood from the floor, using the toilet to support himself. Erwin backed away from the door of the bathroom, and Levi dragged his feet while he walked out of the bathroom. He leaned against the wall of the staircase while he walked up the stairs, and he had to stop a couple of times. He felt dizzy and tired. But he heard Erwin's footsteps behind him. And he hoped that if he fell backwards, Erwin could let go of whatever ideas he had about not touching civilians.

At the top of the stairs, Levi rested again, saw that Jean's bedroom door was pulled shut and wondered if Jean was asleep already. Then, he wondered how late it was. He walked past Jean's door and over to his own bedroom. The bed was already turned down, there was a new chamber pot next to the bed, and the table that had been by the chair downstairs had been moved into his room. There were things on the table, but Levi walked to the bed without looking at them. He laid down, rubbed his face into the pillow and sighed.

When he felt the blankets cover him, Levi looked up. Erwin had covered him up and was offering something in a small cup.

“Dr. Jaeger told Jean that this will help you rest,” Erwin said. Rather than handing it to Levi, Erwin put it back on the table. Levi picked up the cup and swallowed the liquid. It was one of the worst things he ever tasted. Levi coughed. Erwin offered him a glass of water, and Levi saw that Erwin's gloves were back on his hands. Levi took the glass from Erwin, careful not to touch him. He drank some water and put the glass back on the table himself. “Can I get you anything? Dr. Jaeger sent some oranges. I could juice them for you.” Levi shook his head. “Just rest then. If you need something, call for me.”

Levi didn't respond before he closed his eyes. He heard Erwin's footsteps walk through the room, and then things were quiet. He slept eventually.

Three days later, Levi could finally keep food in his body. But he was still moving slowly, and he felt tired. Levi realized that he wouldn't be able to cook the meals for the day. It was too much work, and he wouldn't be able to keep up with cooking and serving. That morning, when Erwin came into his room, Levi was already dressed for the day.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin asked.

“Better,” Levi said. “We need to open the shop today.” Erwin nodded. “I need you to cook.” Erwin tilted his head slightly, surprised.

“Cook for,” Erwin stopped and thought about the word he wanted to use. “Everyone? For your customers?” Levi nodded, looking at Erwin's gloved hands. “I can't do that, Levi.” Levi sighed quietly.

“Where's Jean?” Levi asked.

“Downstairs eating,” Erwin said.

“Close the door,” Levi said. Erwin didn't immediately do it, but he stared at Levi. Levi wondered what was going through his mind. But Erwin did close the door. Then, he walked closer to Levi and put his gloved hands in his pocket. “Sit down.” Levi tilted his head towards the space on the bed next to him.

“No,” Erwin said. Levi looked up at him, his eyelids still heavy from sickness. Erwin looked uncomfortable.

“You have to get over this shit about not touching things,” Levi said. “You've been cooking for Jean, and he's not a sin-eater. He's free now, but you haven't poisoned him just from handling his food. Since he's been free, he's even touched you, and you haven't pulled away from him.” Levi waited. Erwin didn't seem to be convinced.

“He has sin-eater blood,” Erwin said. “Even if he's never eaten for someone before, that doesn't mean that he's-” Erwin shook his head, and he looked angry. His voice remained steady. “This is too much of a risk.” Levi frowned up at him weakly. Erwin's face remained firm, and Levi wondered if he could say the right thing.

“Haven't you ever wondered if it's not true?”

“Yes,” Erwin said. “My father theorized that sin-eaters aren't actually cursed. Based on what he told me, I believe that we are as human as everyone else. But I'm not willing to risk testing that theory while we're here. We aren't going to jeopardize what you have.”

“If you don't really believe it, what's the risk?”

“Someone finding out,” Erwin said. “Someone reporting to the government that you're housing a sin-eater and allowing it to touch food, resulting in all of our executions.”

“But they're only going to find out if they see you wearing gloves like those or the metal in your mouth,” Levi said, looking at Erwin's lips. “So take your gloves off, and keep your mouth shut. If you stay in the kitchen, no one will see you.” Erwin was glaring at him, but Levi couldn't match the glare.

“Do you really believe that I'm not cursed?” Erwin asked.

“Yes.”

Erwin's facial expression became blank, and Levi couldn't see what he was thinking or feeling anymore. He wondered if Erwin was going to find any more arguments, but Erwin just looked at him. Then, Erwin took his gloved hands out of his pockets and looked at them. He pulled at the fingers of his gloves to loosen them, taking the gloves off and dropping them on the table next to Levi's bed. Erwin's eyes lingered on the black leather for a moment before he looked back at Levi. Levi stared at Erwin's hands, noticing the little details, small scars, his clean fingernails.

“If any of your customers see me and asks, I'm mute. Then I won't have to speak to them,” Erwin said. Levi looked up at him and nodded. “But if I've eaten for one of their family members and they recognize me, I don't know what we'll do.” Levi shrugged.

“Do you honestly think they'll remember you?” Levi asked. Erwin inhaled and thought about it. He exhaled.

“No, you're right,” Erwin said. “Probably not.” His gaze shifted down to the floor. “Some of them never looked directly at me. Most of them won't remember, or they'll want to forget.” Levi felt a pang of guilt. He wanted to forget that Erwin ate for his mother. But he didn't want to forget Erwin. Erwin looked at him again, but he didn't look long before he turned away to go to the door. “I guess we should get started,” Erwin said. Levi watched him. For a second, Erwin looked like he didn't want to grab the doorknob with his bare hand. But then he took hold of the knob and turned it, opening the door.

“I'll be down in a minute,” Levi said. Erwin walked out of the room without looking back. Levi looked at the gloves on the table, and he listened to the sound of Erwin's footsteps going down the stairs. When he couldn't hear the footsteps anymore, he impulsively reached out and picked up one of the gloves. They were smooth, worn down from years of use, and Levi felt of the fingertips and the hem. They were still warm from Erwin's hands.

Erwin cooked, and Levi served the food, pretending that he had cooked it all himself. Levi had to tell Erwin the recipes, but Erwin moved swiftly in the kitchen with confidence. He made all of the work for easier for Levi, and Jean cleaned up during the entire day. There wasn't much work left to do when Levi closed the shop except make their own supper and clean up after that. Levi barely had to lift a finger. And Erwin and Jean both seemed happy.

Levi was too tired to feel anything except for the heaviness of sleep. He fell asleep in his chair, and he woke up the next morning with a blanket wrapped around him.

*****

Two weeks after Erwin started helping in the kitchen, they fell into a regular routine. Erwin cooked, Levi served, and Jean tried to keep the kitchen clean as best as he could. Levi helped him wash most of the dishes. During lunch, there were more dishes than Jean could handle, and Levi noticed that Jean didn't clean things as well when he felt pressured.

Later, during afternoon tea, Jean accidentally dropped a cup of tea, shattering the tea cup, and Levi immediately walked out of the shop without explanation. He walked until he felt like he could go back to the shop without yelling. When Levi came back, Jean wouldn't look at him, and they didn't talk. After sunset, Levi was scrubbing the stain out of the rug when he realized that he hadn't seen Jean for about an hour. He stopped scrubbing and looked up at Erwin who was cleaning dishes in the wash bucket.

“Would you go check on Jean?” Levi asked. Erwin dried a dish and set it on top of the collecting pile.

“You should probably go check on him,” Erwin said, looking down at him. Levi's jaw tightened, but he dropped the rag and stood up. He brushed himself off, glanced at the stain which was coming out fine, and he walked up the stairs.

At the top of the stairs, the door to Jean's room was still open, but Levi didn't see him. When he looked into the room, he saw that Jean was asleep on top of his covers with his shoes still on his feet. The sun hadn't even set, and there were shadows on Jean's wall from Kuchel's lace curtains.

Levi went over to the bed and gently pushed on Jean's shoulder. Rather than waking up, Jean simply growled in his sleep and rolled away from Levi.

“Jean,” Levi whispered. No response. Levi took Jean's shoes off, and he reached under Jean to pull the covers down. He covered Jean up, blew out the flame of the lamp, and stepped out of the room, pulling the door closed without latching it. When Erwin came back, Jean decided that he wasn't afraid of the dark anymore.

When Levi walked down the stairs, Erwin looked up from the dishes and in his direction. Levi slowed on the stairs, maintaining eye contact, until he realized that he was staring, and he looked at the rug again.

“He's asleep already,” Levi said. He went back to the rug, scrubbed for a while longer before feeling satisfied that the stain wouldn't ruin Kuchel's rug, and he stood up to go outside and empty the bucket.

When he came back to the kitchen, Erwin had finished the dishes, and they switched buckets. Levi emptied the second bucket behind the shop and went back inside. He set the bucket down next to one of the cabinets, and Erwin leaned against the counter.

“After today, I don't even want to think about food,” Erwin said. “But I'm hungry.”

“Me too,” Levi said, pulling his handkerchief from his hair. He looked at Erwin, and Erwin smiled at him softly. His insides squirmed, and he wished that Erwin would stop looking at him that way. He rubbed his tired eyes with the heels of his hands.

“Bread and cheese sounds good,” Erwin said. Levi looked at him and nodded.

“With some wine,” Levi said. Erwin nodded.

“Go sit down,” Erwin said. “I'll get it.” Levi leaned away from the counter and went into the dining room. He pulled a chair away from one of the tables and sat down. He felt the relief down in his bones, and his legs ached.

When he left the shop after Jean had broken the tea cup, Levi walked around town trying to calm down. A few people recognized him and said hello. One even asked why he was out when the shop was still open. He claimed to be shopping for supplies, even though he only ever did that on Sunday unless they ran out of an ingredient for some reason. While he was walking, he thought of the time that he broke one of Kuchel's cups. He wondered if he had looked as surprised and scared as Jean had. That's what drove him away.

Erwin came to the table with sliced bread and cheese and bottle of wine with two glasses. Levi picked up a slice of cheese and ate a bit of it while Erwin poured the wine. He was glad that Erwin was able to handle food without feeling like he was making everyone sick anymore.

After Erwin's first day, he was tired, but he actually worried himself sick. The next day, all of the regular customers returned the shop, and Erwin felt better. But he said that they couldn't know if he was affecting people for a while. He seemed to let go of the idea after about a week. Since then, he had been more helpful than Levi could have imagined.

Erwin sat down at the table and lifted his wine glass. He drank some of the wine and licked his lips. Levi narrowed his eyes and decided not to look at Erwin while they ate. He kept his eyes on the wood of the table.

“Why did you leave today?” Erwin asked. Levi swallowed the bread he was chewing and shrugged. “I think Jean would have felt better if you had simply yelled.” Levi glanced at Erwin before remembering that he couldn't look. He stared at the table.

“I broke one of my mother's cups when I was a kid,” Levi said. “She yelled. I didn't want to yell. I left.” Levi picked up another slice of bread and took several bites so his mouth would be too full to speak.

“I knew you were kind, but I didn't know you were so empathetic,” Erwin said. Levi glared at him for a moment before he turned to his wine and tried to drain the glass. When Levi set his glass down, he leaned back in the chair and tried to relax.

Then, a thought occurred to him. Something that he was afraid of ask, but the curiosity was strong.

“When you eat, do you see that kind of shit?” Levi asked. Erwin poured himself some more wine. Levi lifted his gaze and looked at Erwin, who finally looked as uncomfortable as Levi felt. He didn't feel bad for asking, but he felt like maybe he hadn't been fair to Erwin to remind him of that. “I've heard that when the ritual happens that the eater can see the sins.” Erwin shook his head and took another swallow of wine.

“That's not true,” Erwin said. He looked at Levi, and Levi could see the pain in Erwin's eyes. “It's just not true.” He drank some more of his wine before picking up a piece of cheese. Before the cheese made it to Erwin's mouth, Erwin put it back on the plate with a ruined appetite.

“What is true?” Levi asked. Erwin cleared his throat.

“We just eat,” Erwin said. “If we can't finish the meal, we pack it away and dispose of it when we get back to the community. We burn it. We aren't supposed to eat it when we're out of the home.” Erwin took another two swallows of wine. “After we're pierced, we're trained by an elder, typically our father. If a customer asks if we experience something while we eat, we're supposed to say yes. We're supposed to tell the customer a sin that we saw, but it's all lies.” Levi nodded. “Most people don't ask.” Levi poured Erwin some more wine.

“Doesn't your piercing,” Levi paused, not sure if he should ask anymore questions. Erwin didn't have an expression on his face anymore.

“It took a few weeks for me to figure out how to eat with the bar in my tongue,” Erwin said. “And my piercing was infected a few times before it fully healed. I have some scar tissue on my tongue now.”

“Don't you want to take it out?”

“I've tried,” Erwin said. “I can't.”

“Why not?”

“The top and bottom have pieces that are bigger than the bar, and when my tongue healed, it healed to the size of the bar,” Erwin said. Without warning, Erwin stuck his tongue out, showing Levi the metal bar. At first, Levi felt the need to back away, but he didn't want to offend Erwin or make him feel dirty. So Levi leaned closer, saw that on the top and bottom of the bar there were two round pieces which were bigger than the bar itself. Erwin twisted his tongue, showing Levi the metal, and heat crept up the back of Levi's neck. The intrusive image of Erwin's tongue in his mouth, the feeling of metal, couldn't be stopped before he had already blushed. Erwin pulled his tongue back into his mouth and took another sip of wine. Levi leaned back into his chair.

“So you would have to either cut the bar with a tool strong enough to cut steel or you would have to cut your tongue,” Levi said.

“Which means they knew I would have to have an accomplice to have it taken out or risk injury and another infection,” Erwin said with a tone of venom. He drained his wine glass. They were going through the wine fast, and Levi stood from the table to get another bottle. When he came back to the table, Erwin had finished the bottle off.

Levi opened the second bottle, poured some wine into Erwin's glass and topped off his own.

“We'll take it out before you leave in spring,” Levi said. He sat down, setting the wine bottle on the table and picking up a piece of bread. When he looked at Erwin, he stopped moving the bread towards his mouth. Erwin was looking at him as if he had just offered him a bag full of money, shocked and obviously struggling with the offer. “You can't pretend to be mute forever,” Levi said. Erwin's eyebrows pulled together, and his lips parted. Levi looked at the piece of bread and focused on eating. “If the ritual is fake, that means my mother probably didn't go to Paradise,” Levi said before taking another bite. When he swallowed, he shook his head. “There isn't a Paradise.” He took another bite.

“There is,” Erwin said. Levi looked at him. “And she's there.” Erwin smiled at him again before taking another sip of wine. Levi froze in place, watched the way that Erwin's eyes closed when he drank, and Levi couldn't eat anymore after that.

******

Four months later, a thin layer of snow was covering the ground. Business had been slow. The working men still came in for lunch, but the front door barely opened in the afternoons. Jean burst through the front door with his friend Marco, and the boys slammed the door behind themselves. Levi looked up from mopping the floor of the dining room.

“Take your boots off!” Levi snapped. Then, he saw Marco.

“Hello, Mr. Ackerman!” Marco said. Levi knew it was Marco because of Jean's drawings. The freckles were undeniable. But Levi had never seen him before. “You didn't tell me you bringing anyone over,” Levi said loud enough for Erwin to hear in the kitchen.

“We were hungry,” Jean said. Levi rolled his eyes. Jean hadn't thought it all the way through. When Levi looked at him again, it seemed the Jean had realized his mistake. Marco would see Erwin. But if Erwin wanted to pretend to be a civilian, he couldn't hide forever.

“If Erwin is here to make something for you, then you can eat, but don't bother him,” Levi said. Recently, he and Erwin had discussed letting people see him as long as he didn't speak. And Marco wouldn't recognize Erwin anyway. Jean nodded firmly. Erwin pushed the curtain away from the doorway of the kitchen. He smiled and waved at the boys.

“Hello, Mr. Erwin,” Marco said, waving back. Erwin continued to wave, and he held the curtain back for them to come into the kitchen. The boys took off their boots at the front door and ran through the dining room in their socks, sliding a little. Erwin frowned at them for running, but he couldn't say anything.

Levi put his mop in the bucket and decided that he needed to watch the interaction. He needed to make sure that Jean didn't accidentally say something he shouldn't.

Levi went into the kitchen, and both of the boys were watching Erwin cut into a piece of bread to make sandwiches. Erwin was nodding while they were both chattering about playing in the snow.

“And then I hit Eren right in the face!” Jean said.

“What?” Levi asked. Jean turned around.

“With a snowball,” Jean said.

“It was a cheap shot,” Marco said. “Eren wasn't even looking at you before you threw it.”

“It was not a cheap shot!” Jean snapped.

“You shouldn't throw a snowball at someone who isn't looking,” Marco said.

“He's right,” Levi said. “Fight fair, or don't fight.” Jean pouted, and he crossed his arms while he stared at the sandwich. Erwin didn't say anything, but he continued to make sandwiches for the boys.

“Jean, do you want to stay at my house tonight?” Marco asked. “I could ask my mom.” Jean frowned at Marco, and Marco looked a little hurt. “What's wrong, Jean?”

“It wasn't a cheap shot,” Jean said. Levi went over and sat down in his armchair. Erwin stopped what he was doing and looked down at Jean.

“Don't be mad, Jean,” Marco said. “Eren takes cheap shots too. That's why I want you to be better.”

“I'm not like him,” Jean said. Marco looked up at Erwin, and Erwin smiled down at him. Marco returned the smile, and Levi decided that he liked Marco. It seemed like Marco didn't take Jean's bad temper personally. The boys watched Erwin put the sandwiches together, and then he gave each of them their plate.

Jean and Marco both went into the dining room to eat, and Erwin smiled over at Levi. The back of Levi's neck felt hot, and the blush was going to spread into his face, so he stopped looking at Erwin. He looked at the wall next to him and felt even more embarrassed that he had to look away so fast.

Erwin walked across the kitchen to Levi, put his hand on the arm of the chair, leaned over and whispered in Levi's ear. The heat spread into Levi's face.

“If only life could always stay so simple,” Erwin said. Levi swallowed because his mouth was watering. He could feel Erwin's breath on him.

“Take it back!” Jean screamed from the dining room.

“It's true though!” Marco said. Levi and Erwin listened carefully, and the boys stopped yelling. Erwin chuckled, and Levi squirmed in the chair. Erwin noticed.

“Oh,” Erwin whispered, standing upright. “I'm sorry. I didn't realize-”

“It's alright,” Levi said, exhaling heavily.

“I'm getting too familiar,” Erwin whispered. Levi shook his head.

“No, it's just that the oven is too hot,” Levi said.

“I feel like it's only warm in here,” Erwin whispered. Levi stood up from the chair and went up the stairs. He couldn't be around Erwin for a while.

They had made a habit of staying awake to talk after Jean had gone to bed. Erwin had gotten more comfortable with civilian living, even if he still had pretend to be mute. Sometimes they stayed awake too late, and they were both tired the next day. They mostly about what they wanted for the future. Erwin wanted to go a town where he had never eaten and live as a civilian. He said he could never be married or have children, and Levi knew not to ask why. Sometimes, Erwin talked about taking Jean with him, but he realized that Jean would probably never forgive him for taking him away from his friends.

Levi decided that he wanted to keep running the store until he died. But he shared his aversion to marriage with Erwin. He simply said that he liked not being married, and Erwin didn't ask why. Levi said he would raise Jean if Erwin decided not to take him.

Talking made things difficult enough, but Levi had caught himself staring at Erwin more often. He liked seeing the muscles and veins in Erwin's forearms while he cooked. Once, Erwin was down on his hands and knees scrubbing floors, and Levi had to leave the shop for a few hours. He couldn't keep a clear head around Erwin.

Levi went into his room and closed the door. He leaned against the door and caught his breath. But the feeling of Erwin's breath on his skin, the sound of Erwin's low voice in his ear, made it too difficult to focus. The room was spinning. He focused on breathing. But the room smelled like Erwin. Erwin slept there now. He opened his eyes and looked at the bed. That's where Erwin slept. No place in the building was safe anymore. He couldn't get away from the things that he thought about or felt.

When he heard the boys race up the stairs, Levi swallowed, hoping that they wouldn't knock on the door. But he heard them in the next room, laughing and playing. Levi tried to focus on the sounds of the children to help himself not think of Erwin anymore. He was glad that Jean had friends. Levi didn't have many friends when he was young, and he wanted Jean to be happy. Erwin wanted Jean to be happy and free. He heard them yelling at each other even if he couldn't hear the actual words. Then, he heard more racing footsteps, a clatter on the stairs, and a sudden, short scream.

“Marco!”

Levi opened his eyes, heart racing. He pulled the door to his room open, rushed over to the stairs just in time to see Erwin at the bottom of the staircase, setting Marco down on the floor of the kitchen. Jean was next to Marco, chattering loudly, but Levi couldn't take his eyes off Erwin's pale, terrified face. Levi moved down the stairs fast. Jean and Marco were crying. Marco was holding onto his ankle, and Jean had his arms wrapped around Marco's chest.

At the bottom of the stairs, Levi pried Jean away from Marco and held him at arms length. Jean fought to get back to Marco.

“Jean!” Levi yelled. Jean was still crying. “Jean, shut up, and go get a towel!” Jean stopped fighting Levi, and Levi focused on Marco. “Hey, Marco,” Levi said quietly, petting Marco's dark hair. “Move your hands. Let me see.” Sniffling, Marco took his hands away from his ankle. It was swelling already, and his little sock was cutting into the skin. Levi pressed his fingers between the hem of Marco's sock and his skin, pulling the cotton away carefully. Marco whimpered, and he tried to stop his tears. Marco's ankle began swelling even more. Jean brought the towel, fulfilling the pointless task that Levi had given him. Levi took the towel, throwing it over his shoulder, and he felt of Marco's ankle. “Can you move it at all?” Marco nodded.

“But it hurts,” Marco said. Jean petted Marco's hair, looking at his ankle.

“What happened?” Levi asked.

“I was running down the stairs, and I fell,” Marco said. “Mr. Erwin caught me.” Levi glanced up at Erwin who was still pale, looking at if he was struggling not to vomit or faint. Levi looked back down at Marco.

“Did you twist it?” Levi asked. Marco nodded. “Did you feel a pop?” Marco shook his head, and Jean wrapped his arms around Marco again.

“I'm sorry, Marco,” Jean said.

“Were you chasing him?” Levi asked, looking at Jean.

“It's not Jean's fault,” Marco said, already defensive. Levi looked at Marco's eyes, and Marco was glaring at him with a fire in his eyes that was impressive for an eleven-year-old.

“Alright,” Levi said. “Let's get you home.” Levi slipped his arms up under Marco and picked him up, adjusting him in his arms. The useless towel fell from his shoulders. Marco bit his bottom lip, and some more tears slipped from his closed eyes. “Jean, grab his boots. We'll be back later, Erwin.” Levi spared another glance at Erwin, who still had his back to the wall, still prepared to be shot at any moment for touching a civilian. But if Levi spent any time consoling Erwin, he knew that it would look strange to Marco. They couldn't afford that.

Levi carried Marco through the snow, following Jean who led them back to Marco's house. Halfway to the home, Levi realized that he had left without even a coat, and he wished that he had thought of it. But he was too concerned about getting Marco back home, and he was worried about Erwin. He needed to get Marco away from Erwin before Marco noticed that Erwin wasn't behaving like a civilian.

When they were closer to Marco's house, Jean raced ahead and knocked on the door. Marco's mother answered when Levi was about two meters away, and when she saw Marco in Levi's arms, her concern was instant.

“What did you two do?” she asked Jean. Marco's tears had dried up, but he seemed happy to see his mother.

“I'm sorry, Mrs. Bott!” Jean said. She petted Jean's hair, and she stepped out of the way when Levi was at the door. Jean followed them inside and closed the door.

“Are you okay?” she asked Marco, looking at his swollen ankle.

“I only fell,” Marco said. “I'm okay.”

“I wasn't watching them, and they raced down the stairs,” Levi admitted. “I'm sorry.”

“Mr. Erwin caught me though,” Marco said.

“Caught you?” his mother asked. “You could have broken your neck, Marco.”

“I'm sorry, Mama,” Marco said.

“Well,” she said, with a heavy breath. “I guess neither of you will ever run down the stairs again.” Marco and Jean nodded solemnly. “Would you please bring him to bed?”

“Sure,” Levi said. Mrs. Bott led them to Marco's bedroom, and she pulled down the covers on one of the small beds. Levi laid Marco down, and he stepped back. Mrs. Bott put an extra pillow under Marco's ankle.

“Okay, let me see,” she said. She sat on the end of Marco's bed and looked at his ankle. The winter sun didn't provide much light in the bedroom, and Levi lit a lamp for her. He brought it closer to her and held it while she looked. “Thank you,” she muttered to Levi. Levi watched while she looked, and then she pressed her fingers against his ankle, feeling the bones. Marco winced, and Jean grabbed his hand protectively. “I don't feel anything out of place. Can you move your toes?” Marco wiggled all of his toes. “I don't guess anything is broken,” she said. “We'll put some snow on it.”

“Snow?” Jean asked. She nodded.

“To help the swelling go down,” she said.

“I'll get it!” Jean let go of Marco's hand to race out of the room.

“Wait!” Mrs. Bott said. “Not yet, honey. I have to get a sack for you.” Jean stopped in the doorway and bounced a little, anxious to help. She looked back at Marco. “When your father gets home, I'll let him decide if he wants to call the doctor, but I think you'll be okay.” She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “No more running on stairs.”

“I'm sorry, Mama,” Marco said again.

“It's okay,” she said. She stood from the bed and looked at Levi. “Thank you for bringing him home.”

“If you need Grisha to come by, I'll pay for it,” Levi said. She shook head head.

“Oh, that's not necessary. He's alright,” she said, pushing at Marco's hair. Levi set the lamp down and looked at Jean.

“Lets go,” he said.

“I want to stay with Marco,” Jean said. Levi's jaw tightened, and he couldn't help but glare. Levi walked forward, intending to leave the room. “I want to stay,” Jean said again, putting his arms out, anchoring himself to the door frame.

“You've gotten into enough trouble today. Don't add to it,” Levi said.

“I don't mind if he stays,” Mrs. Bott said. Levi looked at her.

“I don't want him to be in the way,” Levi said.

“He won't be,” Mrs. Bott said. “In fact, he could help.” She looked at Jean with a smile, and when Levi looked at Jean, he realized that it would be a fight to get Jean out of the door. Then, he remembered Erwin, who might have gotten so frightened over touching Marco that he left.

“Come here,” Levi said. Jean looked skeptical, but he eventually let the door frame go and stepped forward. “You're going to help Marco's mom with whatever she needs. Don't get in the way. Don't cause trouble. If I have to come back over here and get you because you can't behave, then you're not going to see Marco for two weeks.”

“Deal,” Jean said instantly, putting his hand out. Levi took his hand and shook it. After they shook, Jean's attention went back to Marco, and the two boys forgot the adults were in the room at all. Levi looked at Mrs. Bott who was smiling at the boys before he left the small bedroom.

Mrs. Bott followed him to the front door, and she put her hand on the door knob.

“I'm Trista Bott,” she said. “It's nice to meet you.”

“I'm Levi Ackerman.”

“Thank you for letting Jean stay,” she said quietly. “Marco's sisters went out with his father, and when they get back, I'll have to entertain them so Marco can rest.”

“Jean won't let him rest either,” Levi said.

“Yes, but Marco won't be lonely,” Trista said with a smile. Levi smiled and nodded. “Who is Erwin?” Levi wouldn't let himself make a facial expression.

“He's the cook at my shop,” Levi said, looking her in the eye. She nodded with a smile.

“Please tell him that I said thank you,” she said. Levi's heart was hammering in his chest, but he nodded with a face that he hoped was natural.

“I will,” he said. “Don't hesitate to send Jean home or ask me to come get him. He's a handful.”

“He's a good boy,” she said. “I'm sure he'll be helpful.” Levi nodded, and Mrs. Bott opened the door. Levi left the house, and his mind went to thinking of Erwin's pale and fearful face.

The sun was already setting, and the walk home was colder than it had been when Levi walked to Marco's house. Levi walked faster, concerned about Erwin and too cold to think of much else besides getting back inside and being in front of the stove.

When he got to the front door of the shop, Levi turned the knob, opened the door and stepped inside. His teeth were chattering too hard to call out, and he rushed to the kitchen. Erwin wasn't there, but he stood in front of the oven, holding his hands out. Then, he crouched down, fed a piece of wood to the fire, and focused on the warmth.

There were footsteps on the stairs, and Levi looked to the staircase, saw Erwin pausing in the middle of the stairs and looking at him. Levi looked back at the fire, wishing that he could put his whole body in the oven just to warm up further. He heard Erwin moving, but he didn't look to see what Erwin was doing. When he heard Erwin moving again, Levi looked to the staircase. Erwin had a blanket in his hands, from his own bed, and he moved over to Levi cautiously. Then, he gently put the blanket around Levi's shoulders. Levi grabbed at it, wrapped it around himself tightly. Erwin moved the arm chair over close to the oven, and Levi sat in it, curling up in the chair. He remembered the night he had found Erwin freezing to death, over a year ago, and Levi wondered if Erwin felt as grateful for the warmth as he did in that moment.

“Where's Jean?” Erwin asked in a whisper.

“At Marco's,” Levi said. “He didn't want to come home.” Erwin was quiet, and Levi leaned in closer to the oven.

“Marco?”

“He's fine,” Levi breathed. “Just a twisted ankle.” Erwin leaned against the counter hard enough that he disturbed some of the dishes. Levi looked at him, saw that Erwin had his face hidden in his hands, rubbing at his face. “His mother said thanks.” Erwin slid down against the counter, sitting in the floor, pulling his knees up. Erwin ran his hands through his hair roughly, mussing it. “That's the first time you've touched a civilian,” Levi said. Erwin nodded, putting his elbows on his knees, holding his head up.

“They told us our touch was dangerous,” Erwin said.

“They lied,” Levi said, a little louder than necessary. Erwin nodded, head still in his hands. “You knew they lied about all of it.”

“I hoped,” Erwin said quietly. “My father said it wasn't true. But I didn't know. I had no proof.”

“Now you know,” Levi said. Erwin leaned his head back against the cabinet and looked at Levi. The firelight turned Erwin's blue eyes to a darker color. “Why would you ever believe it?”

“It's part of the training,” Erwin said. “We're taught that our touch drives humans mad. Sometimes with a barrel of a rifle in pointed at us.” Levi felt the grief at first, and it was followed quickly by rage. He felt his face turn red, and it wasn't from the fire. He looked into the oven, focusing on the flames.

“I'm glad it burned down,” Levi blurted.

“There are horror stories of what happens to civilians who are touched by sin-eaters-”

“And they're bullshit,” Levi said.

“I didn't want to hurt a child.”

“You saved his ass,” Levi said, looking at him. Erwin was staring at him, a look in his eyes that almost looked like begging. “You caught him because his feet were in the air, right?” Erwin nodded. “And if he landed, it would have been worse. He could have broken his neck, his back, his ankle. You didn't hurt anyone.” Levi swallowed. “You know the truth. You don't need proof.” Levi looked back into the oven, and he realized that he wasn't cold anymore. But he didn't know if the oven had helped or if he was hot-blooded from anger.

Levi wasn't able to pinpoint the exact moment when he realized that Erwin was describing torture when he talked about training. He couldn't remember exactly when he understood that Erwin felt guilty for being alive, for being something that wasn't even real. But he hated it. Levi wanted Erwin to know that he had value, as much value as any civilian. He just didn't know how to teach him that. He could only do his best to defend Erwin's right to live against everyone, including Erwin himself sometimes.

Not long after that, Erwin stood from the floor, and Levi tensed in his chair. He pulled the blanket tighter around himself, but Erwin only walked around the back of the chair and up the stairs. Levi felt lonely when Erwin walked away, and he didn't know why.

Erwin came back down the stairs with a towel and some clothes. He went into the bathroom, and Levi heard the tap of the tub. He relaxed in his chair and closed his eyes. Even though they hadn't been busy, he felt tired, probably from the rush of being worried about Marco.

When the bathroom door opened again, Levi realized that he had been hovering close to sleep. He looked over at Erwin. Erwin wasn't wearing a shirt, and Levi looked away quickly, back to the fire. Focus on the fire. Don't look. Don't look at him.

“You should sleep in your bed tonight,” Erwin said. “I feel guilty for sleeping in your bed while you sleep in a chair.” Levi shook his head.

“I like this chair,” Levi said. “I slept in it while my mother was still alive.” He wanted to look at Erwin, but he leaned back in the chair and decided to look at the kitchen instead. The light green paint looked good. Erwin had reached the places that Levi was too short to paint. Kuchel would have liked the color. She would have liked Erwin.

“Levi?”

“Huh?”

“I like being here.”

Levi looked at the rug, checking it for stains.

“Good.”

“I wish I could stay.”

Levi lifted the blanket to his face while he rubbed his nose, pretending that it itched.

“You could stay.”

“If I stay, I'll touch you,” Erwin said. Levi stopped moving his hand, keeping the lower half of his face hidden with the blanket, cutting his eyes over to Erwin. At the height where he was sitting, he could see Erwin's hip bones above the waistline of his sleeping pants.

Levi's chest felt strange, some mixture of heat and tension. He looked back to the fire, and Erwin turned to go up the stairs. Levi stared into the fire, not blinking, until his eyes watered, and he had to blink. Erwin's feet on the stairs were quiet, but he heard the squeaking stairs near the top. Levi's leg was bouncing with anxiety by the time he heard Erwin close Jean's door. He had to move. He couldn't sit still.

Levi stood from the chair, dropping the blanket into the seat, and he raced up the stairs. He went to his room, grabbed his sleeping pants and a shirt, a new pair of underwear, and practically ran back down the stairs. He took a cold bath. He tried to think of the cold water, but he thought of Erwin's hands on him instead. He thought of touching Erwin's skin, shades darker than his, tanned without any reason. And he thought of Erwin's tongue ring. He wondered if Erwin kissed. He wondered if Erwin had ever touched another man, if Erwin meant touching him the way Levi thought he had meant it. And Levi was shivering by the time he got out of the bath. He dressed and went back to his chair, hair still dripping because he couldn't take the time to dry it properly.

His eyes kept darting to the staircase as if Erwin could float down to him rather than making any noise. Levi bit his thumbnail, a habit that he thought he had broken years prior. And some force, something so much stronger than his dignity or survival instinct ripped him from the chair, moved him up the stairs, and he was standing in front of the closed door to Jean's room before he had time to think of things logically. He knocked.

The bed from inside the room squeaked, and Levi remembered that it was Kuchel's bed. But she would want him to be happy. Kuchel had suspected. She told him when he was a teenager that it would be fine if he never found a woman he wanted. They never talked about it again.

Erwin opened the door, and Levi looked up at him. Erwin raised his eyebrows, and Levi couldn't imagine how his looked, maybe bewildered, out of control.

“Are you-”

“I want you to touch me,” Levi said. He felt naked, even though he was fully clothed. And he was afraid because men weren't supposed to touch men, not like this. But Erwin raised his hands anyway. And Levi closed his eyes, too afraid to watch. Then, he felt Erwin fingertips against his cheeks. Levi took a sharp breath. He had known Erwin's hands would feel like that, soft and heavy.

Erwin's fingertips stroked his cheeks, and explored Levi's jaw. Levi raised his hands, took his Erwin's wrists, and looked up, opening his eyes. He held to Erwin's wrists, took a step back, and Erwin followed. Levi walked backward to his own room, and he let go of Erwin's wrists before they entered the door. He wanted Erwin to want to follow rather than being led. When they were in the room, Erwin took his hands from Levi's face and pushed the door open all of the way so the lamplight from the hallway would give the room some light. Levi put his hands on Erwin's chest, feeling of the muscle, the thin blond hairs that dusted his skin.

Then, Erwin's hands were on the hem of his shirt, and Levi pulled away, slipping out of the shirt and tossing it. His hands went back to Erwin's chest, up to Erwin's neck. Erwin's hands went to Levi's waist, feeling around his hips, running along his back, pressing in firmly against Levi's backbone, and Levi shuddered. He leaned forward, put his forehead against Erwin's chest, inhaled Erwin's natural scent and the lingering soap. Erwin's hands worked their way up his back and into his hair, and Levi's hands ran down Erwin's chest, thumbs brushing over Erwin's nipples, hands moving down his ribs, feeling the rise and fall of muscles, the way that Erwin was breathing heavier.

When Levi felt Erwin's hands on his jawline, he leaned his head back and looked up. Erwin was looking down at him, lips parted. Levi felt of Erwin's stomach quivering with his palms, and his own knees were wobbling. The heat he felt settled in his belly and lower. He couldn't stop the response, and he was embarrassed that only touching was causing his cock to swell and throb. Levi swallowed.

“I've seen civilians touching mouths before,” Erwin whispered. Levi's eyelids lowered, and he blinked rapidly a few times. His voice had left his throat, lodged down in his chest. “Is that something you like?” Levi's breath caught, but he managed a nod. One of Erwin's hands moved, and Levi felt Erwin's thumb running across his bottom lip. “I've never done it. What's it called?” Levi's head was swimming.

“I need a minute,” Levi said. Erwin tried to back away, but Levi hands shot up and grabbed his wrists, keeping him in place.

“I'm sorry,” Erwin breathed. Levi shook his head.

“It's not you,” Levi said. Erwin leaned in closer, as if he was going to kiss him, but he stopped short. Levi felt Erwin's breath on his mouth.

“What the matter?” Erwin asked, his blue eyes scanning Levi's face. Levi took a few quick breaths, getting ready to say it, to finally admit it.

“I don't-” Levi stopped. That wasn't right. He had to say it right. “I only like men.” Erwin's eyes searched him for his meaning. Levi felt like trying to take it back. He had never said it aloud before. But he had taken things so far, and he didn't want to stop. “I think about men when-” He couldn't admit that. Even if they were both shirtless, even though Levi's cock was already hard and throbbing from only feeling Erwin's hands on him, actually saying it was too much.

“I think about men too,” Erwin said, nodding slightly, his eyes attentive and understanding. “It's normal.” Levi's breathing was coming too fast, and Erwin's eyes widened with slight concern. “That doesn't happen much out here?” Levi shook his head in Erwin's hands. Erwin raised his eyebrows. “It was encouraged for us,” Erwin said. Levi wanted to say something, but it was caught. He couldn't get it out. “It's normal, Levi.” Erwin nodded, smiling softly. “It's good.” Levi nodded back, even if he couldn't believe it so readily. If Erwin said it, then it had to be true.

“I'll show you,” Levi said. “Close your eyes.” Erwin continued to smile, but he closed his eyes and waited. Levi inhaled sharply and leaned forward, pressing his mouth to Erwin's. At first, Erwin leaned back, surprised, but Levi leaned in farther, not willing to let the feeling go. He had never been able to imagine a man's mouth correctly. And Erwin's lips were soft. He kept his mouth pressed to Erwin's for a few seconds without moving. Then, he let go enough that Erwin leaned back and opened his eyes.

“What's that called?” Erwin asked.

“Kissing.”

“Is there more to it?”

“Yeah. Let me show you,” Levi said, greedily pulling Erwin down again. Erwin leaned down. Levi lifted his hand, put it against the side of Erwin's neck, curled his fingers to hold Erwin close. He put his mouth against Erwin's again and moved his lips. Cautiously, Erwin moved his lips, trying to mimic Levi. Soon, Erwin felt more confident, and he turned his head trying a different angle. Levi liked the feeling, and he sighed against Erwin. Then, Erwin's hands lowered to Levi's hips, pulled him closer, and Levi felt Erwin's hard cock pressing against his belly through fabric.

Pressing against each other wasn't enough anymore, and Levi leaned up onto the tips his toes, rubbing his body against Erwin's cock drag through the cotton, and when Erwin moaned, Levi parted his lips and ran his tongue against Erwin's bottom lip. Erwin broke the kiss then, and Levi opened his eyes, seeing Erwin looking at him with shock. Levi held him in place, wouldn't let him back away, but Erwin was pulling.

“That's part of it?” Erwin asked.

“Sometimes,” Levi said. Erwin lifted his shoulders weakly and shook his head.

“The piercing-”

“It won't matter,” Levi said. “I'll show you.” Erwin didn't seem convinced, but he had stopped trying to pull away. “Trust me.” Erwin's blue eyes still looked surprised, but he allowed Levi to pull him back down.

“I trust you,” Erwin said before their closed lips met. Levi waited longer, moving their lips against each other. And when Erwin began to melt down into him again, Levi opened his mouth and put his tongue against Erwin's bottom lip again, tasting him. After a few licks, Erwin parted his lips tentatively and pressed his tongue against Levi's. Levi tilted his head, pressing his tongue into Erwin's mouth, looking for more. And with a deep inhale, Erwin met him halfway. Levi tasted Erwin, the metal, felt the cool bar in Erwin's tongue, and he didn't stop. Levi pushed his hand into the back of Erwin's hair, pulling slightly, and the deep groan from Erwin's chest made Levi's knees weak. He pulled Erwin's hair, began walking backwards towards the bed.

Erwin began moving with more confidence, and when they reached the bed, he wouldn't break the kiss for them to lay down. When Levi felt the bed against the back of his knees, he leaned backwards. Erwin wrapped an arm around Levi's waist, put his knee up on the bed, and took both of them down to the mattress. With Erwin's weight on top of him, Levi thrusted his hips up, trying to find some friction for the ache in his cock, Erwin pushed his hips down to meet the motion. Levi had to break the kiss to gasp, his eyebrows pulled together, eyes closed tightly. And Erwin did it again. Levi pulled him down farther, and he pressed his mouth against Erwin's neck, pressing his tongue against Erwin's skin and licking.

Erwin shuddered on top of him, grinding down into him again.

“Your mouth feels good,” Erwin breathed into his ear. “Levi.” Levi kissed down his neck, opened his mouth on Erwin's collarbone and sucked. Erwin lowered himself, bent his elbows and rested on his forearms. He had to almost bend in half to match Levi's height, and Levi wrapped his thighs around Erwin's hips, pressing up against him.

When Levi took his mouth from Erwin's collarbone, he leaned up and caught Erwin's mouth again. Erwin's kisses didn't have any finesse. He moved fast and harsh, but Levi didn't care. Erwin's mouth was hot, the cold metal felt good, the top ball pressing into Levi's tongue. Erwin's hips kept moving, Levi felt the heat in his groin coiling tighter. Levi took his hand from Erwin's hair and shoulder, and he reached down between them. Erwin opened his eyes, broke the kiss and looked down. Levi pushed his hands under his pants and underwear, and he forced them down. They were too tight, he couldn't take anymore. Erwin looked at his uncut, swollen cock, breathing heavily through his mouth. With his own pants pushed down, Levi reached up to Erwin's and began pulling. Erwin leaned up on his knees, pushed his pants and underwear down, and Levi stared for longer than he intended. Erwin's cock was thick and he had been circumcised. Levi felt his own cock twitch, and when Erwin pressed down again, rubbing against him, Levi's hips lifted from the bed trying to get more.

Erwin's mouth was on his again, and their tongues met while they moved their hips together. Levi felt sweat running down the back of his calves from his knees. Then, Erwin's right hand lifted from the bed, he reached between them and held their cocks together. Levi couldn't hold back the noise from deep in his chest. Erwin's hand was wrapped around him, holding them together, and Erwin thrusted directly against him. Levi grabbed Erwin's biceps and squeezed, grinding up against him. When Erwin began moving his hand with their thrusts, Levi closed his eyes tighter, jaw dropping, and he came while saying Erwin's name. Erwin pressed his mouth against Levi's neck, ran his tongue against the skin and sucked while he moved his hips faster. Levi's eyes rolled into his head under closed lids, and he whined before Erwin came on top of him. Erwin took his hand away, but rubbed his body against Levi's spreading the liquid between them.

Levi opened his eyes halfway and looked up, saw Erwin looking down at him with amazement, his blond hair stuck to his brow with sweat, and Levi reached up to push the hair back. Erwin kissed him again with open eyes, and Levi watched him. When Erwin stopped kissing him, Levi held onto him tightly.

Erwin rolled over onto his side, and Levi wouldn't let go even though he had to move over in the bed to give Erwin room to lay down. They continued to look at each other, and even if Levi felt the need to bathe again, he couldn't pull away.

******

When the snow began melting, Levi felt irritable. At night, he would sneak into the room that he had been sharing with Erwin. They touched, and Erwin would kiss him until they fell asleep. Several nights out of the week, they fell asleep naked and spent, breathing heavily from touching until they came together. Levi had to start wearing a cravat high on his neck during the day to hide the marks that Erwin left on his neck. But no matter how many nights he sneaked past Jean's room, made it to the bed he had been sharing with Erwin, fell asleep in his arms, he couldn't stop the seasons from changing. Erwin was going to leave in the spring. Levi had to honor what he had promised. Enough money to buy a horse and live until he could reach a town where he had never eaten. He had promised he would find a way to take the piercing out of Erwin's mouth even though he had learned to love feeling it run against his own tongue.

Jean began spending more time away from home at night, but he always came back in the mornings before the shop opened so he could help. He spent a lot of his time with Marco, but he talked about the rest of his friends too. Levi lost track of most of what Jean said. He couldn't focus when he knew that Erwin was getting ready to leave.

On the first day of spring, Levi glared at the rising sun coming through the curtains on the window. Erwin was sleeping behind him, arm wrapped around Levi's waist, snoring gently. Levi pulled away from Erwin's arm, and Erwin stirred, rolling over to face the wall. Levi pulled on his sleeping pants, grabbed a towel, went downstairs to bathe.

In the tub, he thought about telling Erwin that he had to stay. But he couldn't do that. Erwin had barely been outside for almost half a year. If he stayed, if he couldn't go outside, he might as well be within the walls again. Levi let his head drop back against the tub so hard that the porcelain rang. He gritted his teeth, feeling the pain in the back of his head and a phantom ache in his chest. Levi washed until his skin was red, and when he dressed, he accidentally ripped a seam in the sleeve of his shirt.

“Fucking hell,” Levi whispered to himself. He looked at the tear and sneered. But he couldn't take the time to fix it. Levi looked at the marks on his neck in the mirror, tied his cravat high and left the bathroom. Jean was knocking on the front door to be let in, and Levi walked through the dining room, stomping harder than he intended. He opened the door and Jean rushed past him. “Hey!”

Jean turned around and looked at him.

“How about a fucking good morning?” Levi asked, slamming the door. Jean turned red in the face.

“Good fucking morning!” Jean screamed. Levi moved fast. He put his foot behind one of Jean's ankles, pulled forward, knocking Jean's feet out from under him. Jean landed on his ass hard and cried out, reaching behind him to rub the soreness. Levi squatted down, and Jean blanched when he looked at him.

“Whatever you're pissed about isn't my problem,” Levi said. “When you come home, your shitty attitude stops at the door.” Jean's color came back.

“I don't have to come back here,” Jean said.

“You're right,” Levi said. “You can live somewhere else if you want. But I would be real fucking surprised if you found a place that would feed you and give you a roof just for being an asshole.” Jean stood up, and Levi stood upright too. Jean was growing fast. They were almost equal height already.

“I never wanted to live here in the first place,” Jean said. Movement caught Levi's eye, and he saw that Erwin was moving the curtain over the doorway of the kitchen, staring at the two of them. Erwin's hair was mussed, sleeping pants hanging on his hips loosely, no shirt.

“What's going on here?” Erwin asked. Jean turned around, walked up to Erwin.

“I'm leaving,” Jean said. “I'm not staying here.” When Erwin stepped forward, Jean stepped back.

“I guess you're old enough to decide what you want,” Erwin said, still moving forward, somehow making Jean walking backwards. Levi watched, fascinated, because it seemed that Erwin was upset, but he couldn't tell from Erwin's face or body language. “You're almost twelve.” Jean tried to stand up taller. “You're old enough to start working in the mines,” Erwin said. “But they won't pay you enough to have a place of your own and feed yourself too.” Erwin shrugged, tilting his head. “And you don't owe Levi anything for feeding you and clothing you and giving you a bed when you needed it so badly.” Jean's eyes dropped to the floor for a moment before he looked up at Erwin again. “You don't owe him a modicum of respect for saving our lives.” Levi looked out the windows, concerned someone would see Erwin, but the streets were empty so far. The miners hadn't started their morning walk.

“He's not my father, and you aren't either!” Jean yelled. Levi turned his head so fast the room spun. “My friends have parents. They all have parents, and I live with two men who aren't even related! How am I supposed to explain that?”

“Has someone asked you to explain?” Erwin asked.

“No! But their parents ask!” Jean yelled.

“And what do you tell them?” Erwin asked.

“You raised me, you work for him, and he owns the shop!”

“And that's not enough?” Erwin asked. “Someone thinks that's strange?” Jean didn't respond, but he didn't take his eyes off Erwin. Erwin moved closer, and Jean couldn't stand his ground. “If you're so tired of living with Levi, you can go with me.” Levi turned away then. He walked closer to the windows to make sure no one would pass by.

“I don't want to leave! I just want to be normal!”

“Well, you aren't,” Erwin said. “You won't ever be like them. But I hoped that you would never forget what it was like to live inside of the wall. I hoped you wouldn't ever take your freedom for granted.” Levi didn't hear Jean respond, but he saw some men in the distance, far up the road. “You'll always feel separated Jean, but you don't have to be angry about it.”

“Erwin,” Levi said. He looked over at him. “There's too many windows here.” Jean's hands were curled into fists, and he was staring at Erwin's bare feet.

“Go upstairs, Jean,” Erwin said. Jean walked around Erwin without lifting his head, and Erwin sighed silently. Levi walked away from the windows and started moving towards the kitchen. Erwin followed him and pulled the curtain back into place. Jean's bedroom door slammed, but Levi was beyond caring. He had slammed plenty of doors on Kuchel. Levi put on a kettle of water to boil, and Erwin came up behind him, put his hands on Levi's shoulders. “I'm sorry,” he whispered.

“Don't be sorry for him being a kid,” Levi said. “I was pissed at his age too. And don't make him go with you if he wants to stay. It was hard enough for him to make friends here.”

“I know,” Erwin said. He leaned in closer, wrapping his arms around Levi's waist. Levi could only think about Erwin leaving, and he pushed at Erwin's hands. Erwin pressed a kiss against Levi's jawline, and he leaned back when Levi pushed.

“If you're going to leave, then we need to stop,” Levi said. His heart dropped down into his stomach after the words were out. Erwin didn't say anything, didn't move, and Levi couldn't look at him.

“Alright,” Erwin said. Erwin walked away from him, and Levi watched him walk up the stairs. When Erwin's feet were gone, Levi looked back at the kettle. He rubbed his eyes.

Erwin brought Jean with him when he came back downstairs, and they started the day. Levi was distracted, and he made a few mistakes that he hadn't made in years during the lunch rush. In the afternoon, they had a few more customers than they normally had, and only then was Levi able to accept that spring had finally come.

Erwin was going to leave.

******

Three weeks later, Jean had gone to Marco's for the night. Erwin and Levi were sitting at one of the dining room tables, not speaking, drinking their cups of tea. Levi finished his cup.

“When you're ready for me to take the bar out of your tongue, I can do it,” Levi said. He looked at Erwin, who seemed more tired than usual. Maybe he was having trouble sleeping since they hadn't been sharing the bed too.

“Tonight would be good,” Erwin said. Levi stood up from the dining room table and went to the kitchen to wash his hands. He had to use the right knife, or he would butcher Erwin's tongue. He chose a small, sharp knife, and he cleaned it with some pure grain alcohol that he had bought with the act in mind, lit a candle and sterilized the blade in the part of the flame farthest away from the wick.

When Levi looked towards the kitchen entrance, Erwin was leaning against one of the walls.

“In the bathroom,” Levi said. Erwin leaned away from the wall and went into the bathroom, sitting on top of the toilet lid. Levi brought his brightest lamp and raised the wick as far as possible. “Open your mouth.” Erwin opened his mouth and put his tongue out. Levi looked at the piercing as if he hadn't seen it, felt it, before. “I have to get it out fast before you swell,” Levi said. Erwin pulled his tongue back into his mouth.

“I trust you,” he said. Levi's heart ached.

“Stop talking, and let's do it,” Levi said. Erwin opened his mouth and put his tongue out again. Levi took Erwin's tongue between his thumb and fingers of his left hand, and he put the knife as close to the piercing as he could without pushing the two metals against each other. Erwin closed his eyes, and Levi took a breath. Erwin followed the motion, and they exhaled together. Levi pushed the knife through Erwin's tongue widening the piercing, and Erwin's eyelids shut tighter. He didn't flinch. When he cut all the way through, Levi took the knife out carefully and tossed it into the bathtub. Quickly, he reached to the bottom of the bar and pulled. The bar came out of Erwin's tongue with a popping sensation, and Levi held the metal in his hand while Erwin leaned forward, gasping, blood dripping from his mouth. Levi looked at the bar in his hand, which was heavier than he expected, and back to Erwin. As a delayed reaction, Erwin growled through clenched teeth and bent over further.

Levi struggled while Erwin suffered, and he finally reached out and pushed the fingers of his left hand through Erwin's hair. Erwin's hand reached up, and he held onto Levi's arm.

“Wash your mouth out,” Levi said. “It has to stay clean.” Erwin nodded, but he didn't move immediately. Blood continued to flow past his lips, and Levi worried that he had cut too much. After a few heavy breaths, Erwin stood from the toilet, using Levi for support. He leaned over the sink and rinsed his mouth out, spitting red at first. Then, Erwin washed his mouth out with the vinegar, and he groaned while he moved the liquid in his mouth. His thick eyebrows were pulled together, and Levi watched carefully, the metal piece still clenched tightly in his hand. There was blood on the floor, and he stared at it, not able to look at Erwin for a while.

After Erwin spit, Levi looked back at him, and Erwin looked in the mirror. He opened his mouth and looked at his tongue. It was still bleeding, quite a bit, but Erwin pulled his tongue back into his mouth and smiled at Levi in the mirror. He spit some more blood into the sink.

“I feel so much,” Erwin paused, spitting again. He looked into the mirror, his teeth stained pink. “I feel lighter.” Levi nodded, one side of his mouth turning up. “Thank you, Levi,” Erwin said, his tongue already swelling enough to alter his speech. It was the only time Levi had been thanked for his knife work.

Levi put the bloody metal into the pocket of his trousers and left the bathroom to go to the kitchen and wash up. Erwin stayed in the bathroom, washing his mouth with more vinegar. When Levi had finished getting the blood off his hand, he went back to the bathroom. Erwin was spitting pink. The swelling was stopping some of the bleeding.

“I'm going to go to the tavern to get something cold from their ice box,” Levi said. Erwin nodded. Levi watched him a while longer before walking away from the bathroom and leaving the shop.

When Levi came back, he had a glass jug of cold well water. He poured a glass of the water and took it to Erwin, who was still in the bathroom looking at his tongue in the mirror. He stood up straight and closed his mouth when he saw Levi.

“Here,” Levi said. He offered the glass. Erwin nodded to him before he took some of the water into his mouth. He sighed and nodded. He held the glass up to his cheek, savoring the cool feeling. “Has the bleeding stopped?” Erwin shook his head. When he spit into the sink, there was some pink in the water, and Levi nodded. “It's slowed down though.” Erwin nodded and took some more cold water into his mouth. The look in his eyes reminded Levi of his gentle smile, and he couldn't look at Erwin for a while. He went and sat in his arm chair, out of sight from Erwin in the bathroom, and he relaxed. As soon as the swelling went down, Erwin could go. Levi ran a hand through his hair. He had given Erwin enough money for a horse and travel months prior, and he knew Erwin would leave as soon as possible. In a few days, as soon as his tongue healed, Erwin would be gone.

Levi pulled the blanket down from the back of his chair and wrapped it around himself. He kicked his shoes off, curled up tighter in his chair, and he closed his eyes. He didn't intend to fall asleep.

The next morning, when Levi woke up, he lifted his head from the side of the chair. Jean was knocking on the front door. The fire in the oven was weak, and Levi stood from the chair on wobbly legs. He walked to the front door, let Jean inside, and he locked the door again.

“Good morning,” Jean said quietly.

“Morning,” Levi said, walking back to the kitchen. On the way back to his chair, he saw that Erwin had cleaned up the bathroom from the night before. He sat back down, pulled his legs up into the seat, and saw a folded piece of paper on the table. He picked it up, and unfolded it.

Dear Levi,

Levi sat up in his chair, awake.

“Where's Erwin?” Jean called.

I wanted to stay. I wanted to say goodbye. I wanted to touch you again.

I'm not traveling to the next town. I'm traveling to other walls. I'll employ the time of other sin-eaters, and I'll teach them how to burn down their communities the way that I burned down my own.

“Mr. Ackerman?” Jean asked. Jean began walking down the stairs.

Not everyone survived. Most of the elders were too old for the physical stress of escaping once the fire was set. I asked them to sacrifice themselves.

“Did Erwin go out for something?” Jean asked when he reached the bottom of the stairs. Levi looked up at him.

“Yeah,” Levi said. He looked back at the letter.

I'm going to honor their sacrifice by freeing all of the walled people. When one community burns or dies, the government moves new sin-eaters into the area, but in a few years, they won't have enough sin-eaters left to supply the entire country. I hope that I will be able to ask one person from each wall to go to another wall and set the fire. Then, they'll send someone from the walled communities that they've freed farther west to do the same thing. If that plan works, then I'll only have to spread the fires to the walls in the eastern part of the country, and they will spread west naturally.

In five years, I'll come back to this area to free the people who have replaced the ones that were lost in the wall where Jean and I lived. By that time, I believe the government will begin spreading the idea that sin-eaters are no longer necessary for proper burial. They will redirect the tax revenue towards a more expensive burial process that no longer users sin-eaters. If this happens, then you can believe I'm still alive.

If you never hear news of a new burial process becoming more popular, then I haven't succeeded, and I won't be able to come back. Forgive me for taking so many things from you without being able to give you anything in return.

I wanted to stay with you. I considered never leaving.

At night, I see the faces of dead men who gave their lives to end human captivity. I can't deny them what I've promised.

If there comes a time that you no longer want Jean in your home, I've given him instructions about what to do. Forgive me for leaving him with you like this. No matter what he says, he wants to be there. Ask him.

When I come back, I would like to see you. However, I would understand if you would rather forget about the time that we've spent together. I've done nothing but take advantage of you. Please forgive me.

Erwin Smith

Levi lifted his eyes from the letter, folded it, and he looked back up at Jean.

“Did Erwin leave?” Jean asked.

“Yeah,” Levi said. “You knew he was leaving?” Jean nodded.

“He told me a few weeks ago,” Jean said. “He promised the elders something.” Levi nodded.

“Do you want to stay here?” Levi asked. Jean looked down at the floor and nodded. “Alright. We're taking the day off. Do you want to go to the south river?” Jean brightened and looked at Levi, smiling brightly.

“Yes, sir! Can I invite my friends?” Jean asked.

“Yeah,” Levi said.

“Thank you!” he said before he scrambled up the stairs to get ready. Levi stood from the chair, stretched, holding the letter in his hand. He walked up the stairs, went to his room, and all traces of Erwin were gone. Levi went to his small chest of drawers, and he pulled out the drop drawer. He put the letter under his underwear. Then, he looked down at his clothes and saw that he still had some blood on them. He remembered the bar.

Levi reached into his pocket, pulled out the bar that had been in Erwin's tongue, and he put it in the drawer with the letter.

When they went to the south river, Jean brought Marco, Mikasa, Eren, Connie, and Sasha to the river. Levi sat under the tree where he had spread Kuchel's ashes, and he whispered to her about the man he loved.

******

Levi heard of the first change two years later. People began discussing coffins and burying corpses rather than cremation. Only three months after that, the government began graveyard construction on the east side of town.

The next year, he overheard one of the younger miners say that he wasn't planning on getting a sin-eater for his mother. The young man didn't want it in his home, and he knew a man who could talk to the gods. The older miners were appalled. A fight started. Levi and Jean pushed all of the men out of the back door while fists were thrown.

Things had been the same for so long that Levi wasn't prepared for the confusion and anger that came with a large culture change. For sixth months during the fourth year, Levi gave Jean a curfew. Jean fought against the curfew initially, and Levi caught him trying to sneak out twice. When summer began, there were more fights in the mines, more fights in the taverns, and someone threw a brick through one of the dining room windows one night. Jean didn't fight Levi over the curfew after their window was broken. He decided that seeing his friends during the day was enough. Things began to calm down after the first snow.

All of the changes were uncomfortable, but they gave Levi hope. Erwin's plan was working. He was freeing the walled people, and it was changing everything.

At the beginning of the fifth year, Levi celebrated by drinking an entire bottle of wine and reading Erwin's letter. He couldn't remember Erwin's voice very well. And many of the physical details that he thought he would remember forever were slowly being lost.

Spring came in the fifth year, and Levi had trouble sleeping. He thought about how Erwin would come back. He wondered if he would wake up late at night and see Erwin standing in his kitchen. But Erwin didn't come.

In the summer, Levi began to worry that Erwin wasn't going to come back. He wondered if Erwin had been injured during one of the fires. The summer had been dry, and Levi knew that made fires more difficult to control. There was no news of the walled community north of town burning.

The leaves began to fall in autumn, and Levi's hope began to dwindle. If male and male relationships were encouraged in sin-eater communities, it made sense that Erwin would find someone else along the way. Erwin had found someone else, and he and the other man were freeing walled people throughout the country together. He imagined them riding on horseback for days, running to more walls, burning everything down, celebrating victory together in a way that Levi didn't want to think about. Then, Levi realized that he would have abandoned his shop to help Erwin if Erwin had only asked. He would have gone with him.

In winter, Levi still hadn't heard of the walled community north of town burning, but he also hadn't heard of any of the other communities burning. For five years, he had believed that the government had hidden it. But they couldn't hide that all of them had been burned the way that Erwin had planned. Word would spread. They couldn't control everyone.

The sixth year began, and Levi decided that Erwin had not succeeded and had not lived. He didn't hear of sin-eaters anymore, but that didn't mean much. At least, part of Erwin's plan had worked. However, freeing all of them from the walls had been ambitious for one man. Levi had believed in him though. Some days, he still believed. Most days, he knew that Erwin was dead.

When Jean turned eighteen, he began to spend more time away from home, and Levi felt more lonely than he wanted to admit. Having Jean around made things easier. Jean was a reminder that Erwin had been around. Erwin had been real. Without Jean, Levi could have told himself that he dreamed all of it.

One night, while they were cleaning, Jean seemed more quiet than usual. He wasn't as talkative as he usually was after spending time with Marco. Levi didn't mention it. He wanted to finish his work so he could rest.

“Levi?” Jean asked. Levi looked up from the wash bucket. Recently, Jean had started calling him by his first name. Levi decided that he liked that better.

“Yeah.”

“I think I want to go to another town,” Jean said. Levi watched Jean's face, and he saw the sadness.

“Yeah?” Levi asked. “Which one?” He went back to cleaning his dishes.

“Shiganshina,” Jean said. Levi nodded.

“It's not as expensive to live there,” Levi said. “But I don't know if you'll be able to afford it on your own.”

“Marco wants to go,” Jean said. Levi rinsed off the tea cup and dried it with a towel.

“Between the two of you, you could probably live,” Levi said. “You can always come back if you need to.” Levi picked up another tea cup to wash it.

“Levi?”

“Uh huh.”

“Were you and Erwin together?” Jean asked. Levi dropped the tea cup into the wash bucket, splashing himself.

“Shit,” he said. He reached into the bucket, found the cup, saw that it wasn't chipped, and then he looked down at his shirt. It wouldn't stain, but he was still frustrated that he had dirty dish water on his clothes. Levi started washing the tea cup again. “What did you ask?”

“Nothing,” Jean said.

“If something happens in Shiganshina, you can come back,” Levi said. “The only place cheaper than that is the Underground, and you don't want to live there.”

“I know,” Jean said. “I just wanted you to know,” Jean stopped talking, looked up from cleaning the sink and met Levi's eyes. “I'm glad that I stayed.” Levi nodded and passed the cup to Jean to rinse. “When Erwin comes back, could you tell him where I am? I still want to see him.” Jean never lost hope. Jean dried the cup and put it with the others.

“Yeah, I'll tell him,” Levi said.

Jean and Marco left for Shiganshina a month later. Levi couldn't sleep the night after they left. He watched the sun rise through the lace curtains of Kuchel's old bedroom, Jean's old bedroom. While he was watching the sunrise, he fiddled with Erwin's tongue bar.

Levi stopped sleeping as much. Dark circles began to form under his eyes, and he wondered if he would suffer and die like his mother. But he would be alone. The thought didn't bother him as much as it would have if he still believed Erwin was alive. Levi knew that Jean wouldn't come back. Jean didn't even write. And Levi didn't blame him. Levi reminded him of Erwin, reminded Jean that there had been a time that he lived inside of a wall. Erwin promised Jean a normal life, and part of that was being allowed to forget as much as he could. A few of Levi's customers mentioned that he didn't look well, and Levi didn't offer an explanation. The more surly he became, the more customers he lost, until the shop was only making a fraction of what it made years prior. Levi didn't care.

Winter began suddenly, starting with a heavy snow, followed by frigid temperatures during all hours of the day. Most days Levi kept the shop closed and chose to clean to entertain himself. When there wasn't anything left to clean, he threw his knife at one of the wooden support poles in the dining room. He threw it so often that his shoulder ached when he laid down in bed to nap or stare at the ceiling. Sometimes Levi wondered where Kenny was. He considered trying to find his uncle. Then, at least he would be around someone that he knew.

One day, Levi stepped outside to throw out a bucket of dishwater into the deep snow. The day was overcast and dark even though it was still afternoon. A man was leaning against the back wall of the building. He was tall, much taller than Levi, and he had blond hair and a mustache. When Levi tossed the water, they looked at each other. The man's nostrils flared and he grinned, but he didn't speak. Levi went back inside and locked the door behind himself. He didn't like the way the man looked at him.

After Levi closed the shop, there was a knock at the front door. He stopped slicing the tomato that he had on the cutting board, wiped off the blade, blew out the lamp, and flipped the knife up against his forearm to hide it. He pushed the curtain in the kitchen door way back and looked towards the window. In the dark of the winter night, he couldn't see who was at the door. Some moonlight was coming through the windows, and that meant whoever was outside could see him first if he got too close. He moved through the darker parts of the room, looking at the shadow at his front door. Carefully, Levi crept along one of the walls until he was at an angle to see who was at the door. He saw a man, taller than him, with blond hair. He thought it was the man who was behind the shop earlier that day. But then the man at the door turned, and the moonlight showed his face.

Levi dropped the knife, went to the front door, and unlocked it. Erwin walked into the dining room, and Levi slammed the front door, locking it back. Erwin's hand was on him before he was ready, but Levi grabbed the edges of Erwin's jacket and pulled him close. Levi leaned up, Erwin bent down, and Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin's shoulders, holding on tightly.

“You bastard,” Levi whispered, his breath catching in his chest. Erwin leaned back, and when their mouths met, Levi whined against him, pulling against him so hard that Erwin almost lost his balance. Erwin's arm slipped around Levi's waist, holding him up. Levi pushed his hands into Erwin's hair. He kept waiting for Erwin to wrap the other around him, to hold him, but it didn't happen. Levi leaned back, and Erwin slowly helped him lower his feet to the floor.

“Erwin.”

“Levi,” Erwin whispered back.

“Come on.”

Levi took Erwin's hand and felt for the other one. His hand landed on Erwin's waist instead, and he grabbed Erwin's jacket. He pulled Erwin towards the kitchen. When Levi pushed the curtain back and pulled Erwin into the kitchen, he turned and lit the lamp again. Levi turned back around, looked at Erwin, and saw why Erwin hadn't wrapped both arms around him. Erwin's right sleeve of his black coat was empty.

Levi looked up at him, and Erwin's face was blank. A missing right arm wasn't the only thing that had changed. Erwin's hair was shorter. He looked tired. Levi searched his face for some explanation. Erwin didn't offer one.

Erwin lifted his single hand to Levi's face, felt of Levi's bottom lip with his thumb. Levi pressed his lips to Erwin's thumb, to his palm, inhaling his scent that was still familiar after so many years. Erwin lifted his hand to Levi's hair, carded his fingers through the black strands. Levi put his hands on Erwin's waist and pulled him closer.

“I'm sorry that I wasn't here last year,” Erwin said, smiling softly down at him, more creases around his eyes than Levi expected.

“It's fine,” Levi said. Erwin pushed his fingers through Levi's hair again, trailed his fingertips along Levi's face, down his neck.

“Where's Jean?”

“Shiganshina.”

“With Marco?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm here until morning,” Erwin said.

“I'm going with you.”

“Levi-”

“I'm going,” Levi said. “There's nothing left here for me.” Erwin's eyebrows pulled together, and he looked around. The paint had faded. Levi's arm chair was worn. Six years seemed much closer to a decade. Erwin looked back down at him.

“But this is the place you made with your mother.”

“It's not home anymore,” Levi said. Erwin shook his head, and Levi didn't take his eyes away, firm in his decision.

“Is there anything I can say to stop you?”

“No,” Levi said. Erwin's lips parted in a wider smile, and Levi pulled on his jacket. “Come on.” Levi took Erwin's hand and turned, walking towards the stairs. He led Erwin up the stairs, to the place that he still considered to be their bedroom.

Levi lit the lamp, and he looked at Erwin. Erwin was standing next to the bed, looking at it with an expression that Levi couldn't read. All of the bravado that Levi had when he was leading Erwin up the stairs was leeched from him when he saw Erwin standing near the bed. Time had taken away the natural feeling of all of it. Somehow, it felt taboo again.

Erwin turned away from the bed, walked over to him, put a hand on his face again, and Levi held Erwin's hand against him, rubbing his face into Erwin's palm. He hoped that the action showed Erwin how much he had been missed. Levi didn't have the words to explain it otherwise.

“I'm sorry that I left you alone,” Erwin said.

“Shut up.”

“I really mean it-”

“Don't do that,” Levi said. He met Erwin's eyes, and he saw his own loneliness reflected in them. “Make it up to me.” Erwin didn't smile, he moved his hand against Levi's face instead. Levi was losing his patience, and he reached up, pushing his hands into Erwin's jacket to take it off. Erwin looked reluctant, but he let Levi take the black jacket away. That left him in a white shirt, with the right sleeve pinned up. Levi tossed the jacket over on top of his chest of drawers. He reached to Erwin's buttons and began working quickly to free them. Erwin continued to look at him, and Levi wondered if Erwin really thought a missing arm was going to stop him.

Levi finished unbuttoning the shirt, opened it, but left it on Erwin's shoulders in case Erwin wasn't ready for him to see. Levi pulled at his cravat, unbuttoned his own shirt, took everything off until he was bare chested, folding the clothes with quick movements before putting them on top of Erwin's jacket. Erwin watched him, seemingly fascinated, but the eagerness that they had when they were younger was gone. Afraid that he would lose his nerve, Levi decided to take off everything he was wearing, and in a few short movements, he stood naked in front of Erwin, unsure but willing to be exposed if that could only make Erwin more comfortable.

When Levi was naked, breathing heavily from undressing so quickly, Erwin stepped forward, put his fingertips on Levi's right hip bone, trailed his fingers around to Levi's back and pulled him close. Levi put his hands under Erwin's shirt, feeling of the chest hair that was longer than he remembered, and he brushed his thumbs against Erwin's nipples. Erwin breathed sharply, and Levi leaned up when Erwin leaned down.

Their lips met, and Levi felt the fire again. He felt the Erwin that he had known so many years earlier, and he pressed closer, rubbing his bare cock against Erwin's trousers and the metal buckle of his leather belt. He had missed the way Erwin kissed, the way that Erwin had learned to kiss only for him, and he groaned when Erwin pressed fingernails into the skin of his back, scratching.

Levi's hands dropped to Erwin's belt, and he worked fast, unbuckling, unbuttoning, unzipping, pushing his fingers between the layers of fabric and Erwin's skin. He reached beneath Erwin's underwear, felt of his hardening, thick cock, and pushed the cotton away with his other hand. Erwin's trousers fell to his ankles, and he moaned into Levi's mouth, biting Levi's bottom lip. It startled Levi at first, but it sent a shot of heat to his cock. Levi pushed backwards, but Erwin couldn't move with his clothing around his ankles. Erwin chuckled against Levi's mouth, and Levi smiled back.

“You're still so impatient,” Erwin whispered.

“You're still slow,” Levi said, and he held onto Erwin's hips. Erwin held onto Levi's shoulder while he kicked off his nice shoes, wobbling a bit, and he stepped out of his underwear and trousers. The socks weren't important. When Erwin was free, Levi wanted to take the shirt off all of the way. But he began backing Erwin towards the bed instead.

When they reached the bed, Erwin kissed him again, and Levi tried to wait, tried to be patient. The kiss didn't last as long. Erwin leaned back and smile at him. Something about the way Erwin looked at him told Levi that Erwin wouldn't take the shirt off without some encouragement. Levi put his hands under Erwin's shirt, lifted them to Erwin's shoulders, and pushed the shirt away. Erwin averted his eyes, and Levi helped him take off the shirt. The remainder of Erwin's right arm didn't look as bad as Levi had imagined it would we he first realized it was gone. There was a thick, white scar along the center of where it had been removed, but there weren't any burn marks. Levi's hand rested on Erwin's left bicep, and he squeezed. Erwin looked at him.

Without thinking about it, Levi lifted his other hand, put it on what was left of Erwin's right bicep, ran his thumb along the scar. Erwin closed his eyes, and Levi kissed him, softly this time, patiently. Erwin broke the kiss, and their eyes met again.

“Lay down for me,” Erwin said. “Things are a little different now.” Levi nodded. He crawled onto the bed and laid down, adjusting the pillow under his head. Erwin stood still, his gaze dragging from Levi's feet up to his eyes. Then, he crawled into the bed.

Levi spread his legs to give Erwin some space. Erwin settled between Levi's thighs, and he leaned over, using his one hand for support. Levi leaned up, met Erwin halfway so he wouldn't have to lower himself so far, and their mouths met again. Levi pushed his tongue into Erwin's mouth. Erwin pressed his tongue against Levi's massaging it, and Levi thought he could feel the hole, the scar, on Erwin's tongue from years earlier. He groaned into Erwin's mouth, his hips canting up, looking for attention. Unable to wait, Levi wrapped a hand around himself and started stroking.

Erwin broke the kiss, leaving Levi's mouth gaping, some drool escaping over the side of his mouth, and Erwin kissed down Levi's neck, opening his mouth, sucking on the skin hard, even biting. Levi's eyelids shut tight, and he moved his hand faster. He had missed those marks on his neck. While Erwin was away, Levi still wore his cravat, pretended their were marks to hide. But he wanted real marks. Then, Erwin took his mouth away with a loud sucking sound. He kissed down Levi's neck, down to his chest, latched onto one of Levi's nipples and began sucking there.

“Fuck,” Levi breathed. “Erwin.” Erwin stopped sucking, dragged his tongue along Levi's chest to the other nipple and sucked that one. Levi grinded his head into the pillow under it, gripped the blanket under him in a fist with his free hand. His hips bucked up into his hand, and Erwin stopped sucking after that.

Erwin lifted up on his knees, backed down the bed, and he pushed at Levi's hand. Reluctantly, Levi let himself go, and he opened his eyes to look down to see what Erwin would do. He wanted to be on top, to hold their cocks together while they rutted against each other, but then, he saw Erwin lowering his head.

When Erwin pressed his tongue flat to Levi's cock and licked up, Levi reflexively kicked one of his legs. Then, he dug his heels into the bed, gripped the blanket in both fists, and he groaned through clenched teeth. He wasn't prepared when he felt Erwin wrap his mouth around the head of his cock. Levi gasped with shock, lifted his head, looked down, and Erwin was looking up at him through his eyelashes. Erwin closed his eyes, lowered his mouth farther down over Levi's shaft, and Levi's head fell back, eyes wide, staring at the ceiling. He tried to lift his hips from the bed, but he felt Erwin's left hand on his hip, holding him down.

Erwin reached a certain depth, and then he started sucking.

“Ah!” Levi gasped. “Oh, shit!” He groaned, closed his eyes tightly, and threw one of his arms over his mouth to dampen the sound. He cursed into his arm while Erwin continued to suck him, and Levi couldn't think of anything they had done that felt so intense. Erwin mouth was hot and wet, and Levi had trouble breathing through only his nose. He saw spots of light behind his eyelids. Erwin began to move faster, sucking harder, and Levi's toes curled. He bit his own arm to keep from crying out, gripping the sheets in his other hand so hard he thought they would tear. The orgasm was building fast and hot, too fast, and Levi wanted to hold on, try not to come, make the sensation of Erwin's tongue on him last as long as possible. Erwin's fingernails dug into the skin of Levi's hip, and Levi knew he wouldn't last. He took his arm away from his mouth. “Erw-” Levi's voice stopped. Erwin pressed his tongue under Levi's foreskin and then licked his slit. Levi lifted his left leg and put it over Erwin's right shoulder, digging his heel into Erwin's back, fighting against Erwin's other hand. When Erwin wrapped his mouth around Levi again, Levi came, breath caught it his chest, unable to make a sound, brain-stopping intensity, legs quivering so hard that he shook the bed.

Erwin continued to move his mouth, sucking until Levi was coming dry, and he stopped when Levi began to soften. He swallowed, opened his mouth and pressed kisses against Levi's hips and thigh. Erwin sucked a mark into Levi's thigh which was still resting on his shoulder, but Levi's heel wasn't digging into his back anymore. Levi was trying to catch the breath that he lost, face flushed hot, and he finally opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling, not quite believing that he had come so hard. He felt Erwin trying to move, and Levi took his leg off, laying it back down on the bed.

Erwin leaned up on his knees, moved up the bed, lowered himself over Levi again, and he smiled down at him. Levi looked down, saw that Erwin's cock was still hanging heavy, dripping at this point, and Levi lifted his hand, spit in his palm, and wrapped it around Erwin. Erwin's eyes closed, his face relaxed, and his hips began moving. Levi watched at first, holding his hand still for Erwin to use, and then, he began moving with the rhythm of Erwin's thrusts.

“I've never come that hard before,” Levi whispered to him. Erwin's lips parted, and he took a shallow breath. His hips began moving faster. “Erwin.” Erwin opened his eyes, and Levi leaned up. Erwin lowered himself carefully, and Levi kissed him, running his tongue along Erwin's bottom lip. “I love feeling your cock in my hand,” Levi breathed against his mouth. Erwin lowered himself onto the elbow of his left arm, and Levi laid back down. He knew Erwin was getting tired, but he didn't want to offer to switch their positions. Erwin could still hold himself up. Levi leaned in to Erwin's neck, and he sucked on the tender skin. Erwin groaned, and Levi took his mouth away. “That's it, Erwin.” Erwin's breathing became faster. Levi moved his hand faster, twisting it around Erwin's shaft, running his thumb along the slit to spread the liquid that had pooled there. He remembered everything that Erwin liked, and he wanted to see Erwin's face. Levi watched him, keeping the steady motion of his hand in time with Erwin's hips. “Come on me,” Levi whispered against Erwin's skin. Erwin's breathing became ragged, and Levi put his mouth on Erwin's neck again, sucking, then biting, before Erwin shuddered, and Levi felt hot come on his hand. Erwin's hips stopped, but Levi kept moving, kept going until Erwin moaned against him so loud that Levi felt it inside of him. Then, Erwin pulled his hips back, wordlessly telling Levi that he was too sensitive for any more.

Levi rolled over onto his side and made room for Erwin to lay down. Erwin collapsed into the bed, rolling over almost onto his back, eyes closed, face red. Levi couldn't stand to not be touching him, and he moved closer, settling under Erwin's left arm, pulling Erwin close. He laid his head on Erwin's chest, listened to the quickly beating heart, privately thanked whatever gods had brought Erwin back, alive if not whole. And in the morning, they would leave together. Levi wouldn't go to sleep, wouldn't give Erwin the opportunity to leave him behind again.

Erwin leaned his head over, pressed a rough kiss to Levi's forehead, kept his mouth in place and smelled of his hair. Levi knew that he might not want to know the answer, but he wanted to ask anyway. He wanted to know what Erwin would say.

“Who taught you that?” Levi asked.

“Hmm?”

“Who taught you to put cock in your mouth?” Levi asked. Erwin chuckled, leaning back and looking at him with a grin.

“Do I detect a hint of jealousy?” Erwin asked.

“You're going to detect a hint of my fist in your balls,” Levi said, deadpan. Erwin laughed hard enough that he jostled Levi, and Levi pinched his nipple in response.

“Ow! Damn it, Levi!” Erwin started pushing at him. Levi held on tightly, not willing to withdraw even if Erwin said something he didn't want to hear. “A woman from the west taught me about it.” Levi raised his eyebrows, and Erwin raised a hand, holding it out. “I said that wrong-”

“A woman-”

“She told me about it, Levi,” Erwin said. “She didn't show me.” Levi narrowed his eyes skeptically. “Did you know they've been using women as sin-eaters in the west?” Levi tilted his head and shook it, allowing Erwin to divert his attention.

“Women can't be sin-eaters,” Levi said.

“That's what I thought too,” Erwin said. “But if sin-eaters aren't real then anyone can be one.” Levi sat up in bed, still staying close to Erwin's side, but already intrigued and disgusted.

“Why haven't we ever heard of that here?” Levi asked.

“In this part of the country, people are more likely to sympathize with women. The west is more progressive. The government wanted to try a self-sustaining community,” Erwin explained. “They bought fifteen peasant girls about forty years ago, raised them as sin-eaters, and when they were sent out to eat, they were encouraged to console male family members by any means necessary.”

“To continue the line?”

“Right,” Erwin said. “They were almost in their third generation by the time their community was burned down two years ago.” Levi instinctively glanced at Erwin's stump, but he drew his gaze back to Erwin's face.

“They're free now?” Levi asked. Erwin nodded.

“One of them asked to come with me rather than going to other communities,” Erwin said. “I've made a few friends.” Levi smiled.

“You picked up followers,” he said. “Of fucking course you did.” Erwin smiled up at him, reached up, pushed some of Levi's dark hair away from his face.

“And I've left a pile of bodies behind me,” Erwin said, running his hand down one of Levi's arms. Levi frowned.

“It's a fucking war, Erwin,” Levi said. “Have you ever heard of a war where no one died?” Erwin put his hand on top of Levi's, rubbing his thumbs against Levi's veins, breaking eye contact. “Hey, look at me.” Erwin's gaze returned, but he looked disconnected. “I'm a civilian, and I'm going with you because I believe in what you're doing. I believe in the freedom you've created. And the people who are following you believe in it too. Don't take that away from us by only focusing on your guilt.” Erwin raised his eyebrows, scanning Levi's face like he couldn't quite believe what he heard. Levi waited, letting Erwin sort it out in his head, hoping that he said the right thing.

“Levi,” Erwin said, his face contorting. “If you go with me, there may come a day that one of us watches the other one die.”

“What's my other option, Erwin?”

“Stay here,” Erwin said. “And live.”

“Stay here, run the shop, and never see the future your chasing? Die alone in this bed?” Levi asked. Erwin sat up in bed, matching Levi's posture, looking down at him.“Since you've been gone, I've heard about people changing their burial processes. But I haven't heard of a single community burning down.” Erwin looked away from Levi, staring at nothing. “They're covering it up. You've already reached the west, but there haven't been any reports of sin-eater communities burning throughout the country. There's no talk of a shortage because people aren't using them as often.” Levi reached up, framed Erwin's face in his hands, and Erwin looked at him again. “If what you're doing is real, I want to see it. I want see what you see.” Erwin released a heavy breath, frowning while he thought about what Levi was saying. Levi took his hands from Erwin's face. “You can't stop me from going.”

“I can't keep taking things from you-”

“If you leave me behind again, you'll take away the only thing I want,” Levi said. Erwin's face softened, and his eyes examined Levi. He looked down, lifted his left hand, flexed his fingers, still thinking. Levi waited. Erwin couldn't stop him from going, but if Erwin didn't want him anymore, that was a different matter. Part of him wondered if that was the case. “Even if you don't want me, I'm still going.” Erwin's eyebrows furrowed and his eyes met Levi's again.

“That's not why you should reconsider going,” Erwin said.

“Why then?” Levi asked, louder than he intended. The guilt washed over Erwin so fast that Levi felt like he was seeing a different man. Erwin shook his head, putting his left hand back down. He looked to Levi again.

“We're burning down the community north of here tomorrow,” Erwin said. “Before you decide to dedicate yourself to this cause, you should see what it's like.” Levi nodded. “Don't ever question my loyalty to you again,” Erwin said, with a tone that made Levi raise his eyebrows. Before he could argue, Erwin leaned forward and kissed him roughly, pushing Levi back until his back hit the mattress again.

******

“I can see Nanaba,” Mike said. He passed the small telescope to Erwin, and Levi watched while Erwin lifted the telescope to his eye. Levi pulled the black cape farther over his head, almost covering his eyes. The snow wasn't falling heavily, but he was still cold. Without the cape, he knew that his jacket wouldn't be enough to keep the cold out. Erwin took the telescope from his eye, passed it to Levi. Levi took it, held it up to his eye, looked around in the dark for a while before he saw a young woman in the moonlight running towards the gate of the sin-eater wall. Levi turned the telescope to the wall, saw the guards near the gate.

Levi's horse shifted under him. He took the telescope from his eye and passed it back to Erwin. Levi reached forward, patted his horses neck and kept his eyes on the scene. He couldn't see many details, but in the torchlight he could see Nanaba run up to the guards, pull the false paperwork from her dress and present it.

“Let's go,” Erwin said, pulling on the reigns of his horse. Levi pulled his horse in the same direction, and he followed Erwin. They walked the horses at first, and then they increased the pace. Erwin had told Levi that they normally wouldn't observe Nanaba retrieving the sin-eater, but he wanted Levi to see the entire process.

Thirty minutes later, Levi was sitting in the abandoned house on the edge of town with Erwin, Mike, Moblit, and Hange. The front door of the house opened, and Nanaba walked through the door with a young man. She closed the door behind them and locked it. The young man bowed his head to all of them, his long blond hair moving with the motion.

“Hello. My name is Armin Arlert the sin eater.”

“Hello, Armin,” Erwin said. Erwin stood from the chair where he was sitting, and Levi straightened up in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “My name is Erwin Smith.” Armin's lifted his head, stood up straight, and his blue eyes widened. He began backing away. He turned to leave, but Nanaba was standing in front of the door. Armin whipped back around and looked at Erwin. Levi looked at Erwin's face, which was stern and even unfriendly. “We're going to burn down your community, and you're going to help us.”

“No!” Armin said, backing away towards one of the windows, looking for an exit. “They've told me about you! And you're not going to free us!” Armin stopped moving and stared at Erwin, trapped and panicked.

“You don't want to live outside of the wall?” Erwin asked. Armin shook his head. “You never want to be free?” Armin stopped shaking his head. “I don't know what they've told you. I only want you to know that I'm a former sin-eater who has seen almost the entirety of our country.”

“It's not ours-”

“I've seen the mountains,” Erwin said. “I've seen every river. I've been inside of caves. I've seen the ocean.” Armin's eyes widened, and Levi looked at Erwin, who was still standing tall, focused on a single task. Erwin stepped closer to Armin, and Armin seemed too frightened or shocked to move. “If I'm not going to free you from the wall, what exactly do you think I'm going to do?” Armin began trembling, and Levi looked around the room. Everyone else was watching Erwin. When Levi turned back, he saw that Erwin had only left a few centimeters between himself and the boy.

“You'll burn us down,” Armin said. “You'll burn us alive.”

“Only if you don't cooperate,” Erwin said. Levi's insides trembled, but he didn't allow his face to make an expression.

“This way doesn't work! The Wall Guard said when people stopped hiring us, they would let us go!”

“Would they take the time to remove the bar from your tongue first?” Erwin asked. Armin's face fell. “Are they going to allow you to own land?” Armin looked away from Erwin, thinking about it, distressed when facing the truth. “Will they let you marry?” Erwin waited, giving Armin time to respond. “Are they going to give you the same rights as a civilian?” Armin seemed lost. “Look.” Armin acted as if he didn't hear Erwin at first, but then he lifted his gaze back up. Erwin stuck his tongue out, showing Armin the hole without a bar, the leftover scar. Armin's lips parted and a small noise raised from his throat. Erwin pulled his tongue back into his mouth. “Everyone here has had it removed, except for Levi.” Levi looked around the room. Everyone else had their tongues hanging out of their mouths. The hold in Moblit's tongue was barely noticeable. Hange had a hole in her tongue that was so big that Levi grimaced looking at it. Mike and Nanaba both had thick scars on their tongues below the leftover holes. Levi looked back at Armin, who was already looking at him.

“Why don't you have one?” Armin asked. Erwin opened his mouth to answer, Levi cut him off.

“I'm a civilian,” Levi said. Armin shook his head.

“That's not true,” Armin said. Levi stuck his tongue out of his mouth, showing that it was unaltered. Armin stared at his tongue, still seemed to be shocked, and Levi closed his mouth.

“He removed my tongue bar,” Erwin added. Armin's thin eyebrows raised up so far that they were almost hidden under his bangs, his eyes growing wider than Levi thought possible. Levi looked away, and he saw everyone in the room except for Erwin was looking at him. He crossed his legs, frowning. “I've met other civilian's who sympathize with what's been done to us.” Armin tore his eyes from Levi and looked back to Erwin.

“Why?” Armin asked. Erwin side-eyed Levi, silently asking if he wanted to answer. Levi didn't provide a response. Erwin turned his attention back to Armin.

“I wouldn't have chosen you for this task,” Erwin said. “I would have chosen someone older, someone with more physical strength. But you have something more important than strength or age.” Erwin lifted his left hand, put it on Armin's shoulder. “You have a desire.” Armin couldn't hold the eye contact, and he looked away again. Erwin took his hand from Armin's shoulder. He waited for Armin to say something, but there was only silence. “What's going to happen next is very simple, and I know that you're capable of doing it.” Erwin paused, and Armin looked like he might weep. “All I need to know is if you're willing.”

Levi watched with fascination as Armin's face shifted from a young man who may cry to pure determination.

******

Back on the top of the hill, Levi waited impatiently on his horse. It was taking too long. The wagon they had brought to transport the elders was filling with falling snow. Hange sat on the horse that led the wagon.

“He's not going to do it,” Mike said.

“He will,” Erwin said. “Something is distracting him.”

“In five more minutes, it won't matter,” Hange said. “The explosives won't last much longer in liquid.”

“Then why did you put them in soup?” Levi asked. His horse stomped her feet, ready to run.

“The guards would make Armin open the container if I had put them in with solids,” Hange said. “They won't touch the food themselves, but the Wall Guard has spread the word that we're sneaking the explosives in through leftovers. There's no way for them to search a liquid without putting their hands in it.”

“They'll figure out a way to search it soon enough,” Erwin said. “Straining it probably. We should be exploring more tactics for the next-”

Erwin's sentence was cut off when the gate of the wall exploded, and the bodies of the guards who were directly in front of the gate flew through the air. Levi couldn't breathe until the bodies bounced in the snow.

“Forward!” Erwin yelled, and everyone except for Levi charged. He waited, watching the horses run down the hill, the wagon bumbling through the snow while Hange drove at a break-neck speed, Erwin leading the way towards the gate of the wall. A few guards ran into the gate, but most were taking positions on the outside, aiming towards the horses. A gun fired, and Levi put his heels into his horse's ribs. They were shooting at Erwin.

Levi flew down the hill into the fray, knife pulled from his side already. Erwin had told him to wait and watch. He couldn't. They had brought knives to a gun a fight. All hands were necessary.

Levi watched the fast movement, the way Erwin stopped his horse, how he almost flew when he dismounted, the way Erwin pulled the blade from its sheath with his left hand, killed a man with a single slice. By the time, Levi had caught up, Erwin was running into the hole in the gate, Mike following close behind, Nanaba, Moblit, and Hange on the ground, fighting with the other guards in front of the wall, specifically trying to protect the wagon.

Levi jumped from his horse, and he saw the glimmer of metal before he flipped backwards. He had never heard gun fire that close before, and his ears rang. But when he was on his feet, the guard was only two steps away, and Levi had a knife in the man's throat before the man could pull the hammer of the gun back a second time. Blood covered Levi's hand, warm and sick, but Levi couldn't stop moving. The mission wasn't over.

When a guard bashed Hange in the face with the butt of his gun, Levi sprang, felt lighter than he ever had in his life while he jumped from one side of the wagon to the other, and he didn't think of how soft the man's eye felt when his blade sank into it. Another guard charged him to the left, gun aimed at Levi's face, and Levi had to duck. He felt the heat of the shot above him, and then he shoved his knife into the guard's left rib cage. The guard froze, Levi felt blood running through his hair, and he pushed the man off his knife. The body crumbled into the snow with a crunching sound, and Levi chose not to look at it.

More gun fire, and when Levi looked to that direction, he saw Moblit with the rifle, executing the final guard. The shot echoed off the wall.

There wasn't so much movement anymore, and he scanned the area. Moblit dropped the gun, leaned over Hange, looking at the wound, and Nanaba was to his right, catching her breath, the blade in her hand steaming with blood in the freezing night.

Then, Levi remembered Erwin.

He ran towards the gate, heard someone call for him and didn't wait to see who it was. When Levi ran through the hole in the gate, he paused. A mass of people were running towards him, and he moved out of the way. Men of all ages, some of them holding young boys, many of them bleeding, rushed out of the hole in the gate, and Levi looked around. His eyes watered from the smoke of the fires, and he couldn't see beyond two meters in front of himself. There were shadows moving in the smoke, but they could have been anyone.

A shot rang out near his head, and Levi ducked in time to roll away from it. But there wasn't any cover except for the smoke. Levi ran into it, tried not to breathe too deeply despite his lungs screaming for air. When he inhaled, he coughed.

Then, a shape broke the smoke, and he saw Erwin's eyes before anything else. Erwin was parting the smoke, a thick black handkerchief wrapped around his nose and mouth, Mike right behind him, two handkerchiefs over his nose and mouth with an unconscious Armin in his arms. Levi started running towards the gate, still coughing, but moving away from the thick black smoke.

On the outside of the wall, Levi ran to his horse, seeing the Nanaba, Moblit, and Hange were already mounted, ready to go. The wagon was piled with men and children. Levi pulled himself up, settled into the saddle, and he waited for Erwin and Mike. Mike settled Armin into the saddle, and Erwin moved, everyone following him.

When they were ten meters away from the wall, Levi felt the blast first, heard it second, and he only caught a glimpse when he turned to look before the explosion was too hot to look at anymore. He turned around, looked at the back of Erwin's black cape, and focused on following.

******

The sun woke Levi up. He tried to shut his eyes tighter, rolled over in the big bed, but he knew the sun would only grow brighter. The windows faced east. Enough consciousness reached him that he realized Erwin wasn't in the bed, and that bothered him more than the sun.

With a heavy sigh, Levi sat up in the bed slowly, barely opened his eyes and looked around. The door to the bedroom was slightly ajar, and that meant Erwin was already awake and probably working. He wasn't supposed to be working. He promised to take the day off, but Levi wasn't surprised that Erwin decided to sneak around and do it anyway.

Levi cleared his throat, taking the glass of water from the nightstand, sipping some of it, and the bedroom door opened. Erwin wasn't dressed at least, still wearing sleeping pants, no shirt. Levi swallowed some more water.

“I caught you,” he said, voice still hoarse from sleep. Erwin walked into the room, looked properly scolded, and he stood in front of Levi. Levi set the glass of water back down on the nightstand and looked up. Erwin lifted his hand, ran his thumb along Levi's bottom lip. Levi kissed his hand.

“Armin is doing so well,” Erwin said. Levi raised one eyebrow, eyelids still heavy from sleep and the normal amount of irritation that he felt when they had to talk before a cup of tea.

“Which one was reported?” Levi asked.

“I'll show you,” Erwin said, obviously trying to mute some of his excitement, before he turned to go to the other room and get the paper. Levi yawned, rubbed his eyes, and laid back down. They stayed awake late the night before, talking about what wall needed to come down next. And when the others left, Erwin needed to talk about it more, making sure that the path they were making through the country was still the right one.

The only communities left were inside of Sina, nearest the king, and the communities there were almost impossible to get into. Security increased every time a community was burned. Most of the sin-eaters within Sina were satisfied with their lives because they were comfortable. They ate for people who had a lot of income, and that meant rich food. The government had also given them more privileges than other communities, allowing them to marry each other or civilians, and even built schoolhouses for their children. Sina was the final obstacle.

Erwin came back into the room with the newspaper, and he sat on the bed, giving Levi the paper. Levi took it, looked at the front page. He didn't see the report, and he flipped to the back. In the bottom left-hand corner of the page, there was a mention that a sin-eater community five kilometers below Sina had burned down with no survivors. Levi gave the paper back, and Erwin set it to the side before he laid down, lifting his arm. Levi curled up against him, and Erwin lowered his arm behind his back, trailing his fingers along Levi's skin. Levi closed his eyes again, drifting along the edges of sleep before a question came to mind.

“Did you know that he would do this the first night you saw him?” Levi asked.

“No,” Erwin said. “I thought he might be interested in joining. But I never thought he would have that much initiative. I don't know how he managed to get this into the newspaper.” Levi nodded against him, opening his eyes. “He's recruited more civilians.”

“Does he ever talk about Eren and Mikasa much?” Levi asked.

“Sometimes,” Erwin said. “In his last letter, he said they were going to Shingashina.”

“Are you going to write to Jean?” Levi asked.

“No,” Erwin said. “I promised him a normal life.”

“If he hears about it, he might join up,” Levi said.

“Not unless Marco agrees to go too.”

“Yeah,” Levi said. He stretched his muscles, growling, still trying to wake up some more. Erwin leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Levi wrinkled his nose, annoyed by being disturbed in the middle of his stretch.

“Levi,” Erwin said. Levi relaxed, feeling the tension in his muscles release, sighing.

“Hmm.”

“Joining the Wall Guard is a good idea,” Erwin said.

“I know.”

“But I don't want you to go.”

“Too bad,” Levi said. “We'll never get someone to take the explosives inside of the Sina walls.”

“I know,” Erwin said. “But there's probably another way. I only have to think of it.” Levi shook his head.

“We'll lose momentum,” Levi said. “I'll be alright.”

“You'll be gone.”

“For a year.”

“A year is too long,” Erwin whispered to him, shifting in the bed, pressing a kiss against Levi's jaw. Levi closed his eyes, wanted to say that he waited six years for Erwin and a year was a generous trade. But he felt it too. He remembered the loneliness, and even thinking about leaving brought it back to life. And when he felt Erwin's mouth on his neck, he wanted to say they could wait. “I'll think of another way.” Erwin opened his mouth against Levi's neck, pressed his tongue to the skin, and a shiver of pleasure ran through Levi's hips. There were always marks on his neck from Erwin's attention now. “You're the only right hand I have,” Erwin breathed against him. Levi swallowed, felt his cock twitch.

“If you can figure something else out, I won't go,” Levi said. Erwin lifted from the bed, Levi raised up to free Erwin's arm from under him, and Erwin straddled him, leaning down, pressing his mouth to Levi's neck again.

“I'll find a way for you,” Erwin promised. Levi's lips parted, his eyebrows pulling together when he felt Erwin's mouth on the crook of his neck and shoulder. When Erwin started sucking on his skin, Levi's hips lifted from the bed, already aching cock begging for something.

“We weren't supposed to work today.” The last half of the sentence was distorted because Erwin pressed his hips down, letting Levi feel that he was already hard too. And Erwin didn't lift up again, grinding hard against Levi instead. His mouth pulled away from Levi's skin with a pop.

“I won't work today if you'll roll over,” Erwin said, voice deep enough that Levi felt it in his veins. Levi exhaled heavily, and he felt like he should have known Erwin would bargain for it. He didn't dislike the act, but he had mixed feelings about it. Levi briefly marveled at the memory that seven years ago Erwin was terrified of touching him. Sometimes he forgot all about those times.

“Alright,” Levi muttered. “But only if I can suck you off afterwards.”

“Deal,” Erwin said, kissing him quickly. Levi swallowed, Erwin lifted up, and Levi rolled over under him, reaching behind himself to spread open. With the first pass of Erwin's scarred tongue, his toes curled, and he cursed into the pillow.