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Nao admits, she was a little confused when the first text message arrives from Akiyama at 10:00 at night.
What are you wearing?
It's the wrong subject—usually he's all business and carefully impersonal reassurances, but Nao does send back a response.
My pajamas.
The phone goes silent for a while. That should be that, right?
Except the whole exchange, brief and minor as it was, makes Nao look at her pajamas again. They're kind of plain, just loose pink pants and a white t-shirt that's not really revealing any bit of her skin, or showing anything off. Not that she ever had any reason to, but when the message from Akiyama came in from the ether, she wishes she had something more interesting to tell him. She pulls down the neck of her shirt with one hand and uses her other forearm under her breasts to coax just a little bit of her cleavage to come out of hiding.
What if she had been more interesting? What if he had been interested in her?
He's not interested. There's no room for interest between them in real life. Nao repeats that to herself at the end of every game. If Akiyama doesn't make a move it's because they need room to think, not necessarily because he's uninterested in her.
Yet, her heart (and body) flutters at that mail. It proves or hints or gives hope that something else might lie between them.
Yet, Akiyama doesn't respond to her response. False hope, she reasons.
The phone rings again, almost an hour later.
"I…" Akiyama's voice wavers more than she's used to hearing, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake earlier."
"A mistake?"
"That message was meant for someone else."
Oh. Nao doesn't ask who. It's not her business who Akiyama is interested in, even if she's dying to find out. Maybe it's Fukunaga? Lucky. "I didn't mind."
"It was dumb of me to have sent that off in the first place."
"I don't think so." Nao whispers. She curls up in her bed, and absent-mindedly plays with Kuma-chan. "You have needs, don't you Akiyama-san?"
"Huh? No—it's not that! My biggest concern right now is getting us through this game safely. There isn't room for 'needs.'"
"I know." Nao thinks of how to phrase it—what she'll never say to his face but what she feels. "Sometimes things get very intense, mostly after a game. I thought maybe…you feel the same way too sometimes."
She hears a deep breath on the other end of the line. "It's been a long time."
"Since what?"
"Since I've felt anything intensely."
"Oh." Nao's confused about the message then. If it wasn't about…that, then what other purpose would he have in wanting to know what someone was wearing. Unless… "Akiyama-san? Are you a fashion designer?"
She can practically hear the blinks contained in the silence on the other end. "What?"
"Why else would you want to know what someone was wearing?"
"I want to feel something. I do feel something. Just…"
Nao understands, too well. The butterfly feeling in her stomach threatens to devour her. "There's no room."
"No."
"What if there was, though?" Nao's not sure of what she's suggesting herself, or even if the advice is more geared towards her as it is towards the first person she's ever really found attractive.
"There's not."
Nao's hand lingers inside the waistband of her pajamas. "But say there was, and say that trying not to think about what's really going on just brings your mind back to it, then maybe it's better to give in a little."
Silence. It's only when Nao is starting to think he's disconnected (a good two minutes later) that he speaks again. "You sure?"
"Huh?"
"What if my feelings were directed towards you?"
Nao has to remind herself to keep calm. "I wouldn't mind. It's better to be honest, right? Plus, I kind of like you, so if you returned the feelings, it wouldn't be a bad thing."
"We can't go too far."
"No," Nao agrees with him, "but it's getting a little hard to pretend that I don't want to go anywh—" Nao covers her mouth. She definitely said too much.
"You want to go somewhere with me?"
"Yes. Do you?"
There's a hesitation and then a very quiet answer. "Yes."
Nao lies back and relaxes, at least a little more than she has been. Everything is out in the open now—well maybe not everything—she does have to ask.
By the way, who did you originally send that message to?"
"Ah—no one you know…just someone who'd play a part for me."
"I see. I can play that part, if you'd like."
"No. It's fine."
"Ne, Akiyama-san?"
"Yes?"
"I'm still wearing my pajamas."
"I could have guessed that."
"I wish I had something more interesting to wear."
Akiyama chuckles over the line. It's warm and reassuring, exactly the sound she's not used to hearing from him. "I like it."
"Huh?"
"It suits you, and I know you're telling the truth."
"Oh. What if I told you I was lace teddy or a corset?"
"Then I'd ask that you send pictures. For verification purposes only."
"Really? But not for the pajamas?"
"I'm more interested in the girl wearing them. What's going through her head right now?"
"I'm happy. A little nervous though. What should I do next?"
The other end goes silent again, but Nao can hear his breathing, and what sounds a bit like the rustling of sheets.
"What are you doing right now?"
"Just lying down, playing with Kuma-chan." She runs her fingers over the bear's plastic face.
"Kuma-chan? Is that the plush bear you always seem to have with you?"
"No it—it's my vibrator," Nao confesses. She could never say this in person—the phone seems to have an effect of loosening her tongue. "It's shaped like a little bear. So, Kuma-chan. The teddy bear stays on my dresser and watches over me."
"And where did you get it from?"
"The teddy bear? I've had it since I was a baby. My mother won it from one of those claw machines in the arcade."
"That's neat. I meant the vibrator."
Of course he did. Nao slaps her forehead. Stupid. Stupid.
"Oh…well…uh…someone took me to an adult toy store, and it was really cute so I thought I'd take it home." Nao holds the bear up to the lamp.
"Somebody?"
"Fukunaga-san," Nao confesses, "I didn't know where we were at first…but it wasn't bad."
Akiyama sounds choked. "Have ever you used it?"
Nao's actually using it right now, as she turns the bear on and holds it to her pubic bone. She wonders if he can hear the faint buzz. "A few times. It took a few weeks before I got up the nerve to open the package."
"Yeah?" His voice encourages her to go on.
"And then, once I did open the package and figure out how to turn it on, I still didn't know where to put it. It seems kind of obvious now, but I tried it out on my arms, my legs, my chest…." Nao positions her head between the phone and the pillow so that her other arm can go up her shirt. "I did figure it out eventually."
"I see."
"Am I rambling?"
"No…I don't mind it."
Nao gets a little curious. "What are you wearing, Akiyama-san?"
"Just boxers. They're a little uncomfortable."
"Why?"
Silence. "They're just a little tight at the moment."
Nao gets it—or thinks she does—maybe. "You're turned on?"
"A little. Are you surprised?"
Nao pictures Akiyama on the other side, getting turned on, and definitely sees the appeal in hearing about that. "I never thought about it. It makes sense." Even with being almost out of breath, she tries to sound calm, like she isn't working herself towards orgasm.
"Are you using Kuma-chan now?"
No point in denying it. "Yes."
"Are you…doing the boy equivalent?"
"Somewhat."
The phone goes silent, this time from Nao. She thinks of Akiyama on the other end, getting off to their conversation—getting off to her, who's right in the middle of getting off to the thought of him and the sensation of Kuma-chan on just the right spot. She can hear his breathing—also rough and labored on the other end.
Her body shakes. Warmth rushes over her. "Akiyama-san!"
"Yes?"
"Nothing…" She hears some rustling through the walls. It sounds like her neighbors moving. "Oh no…"
"Nao?" Akiyama asks. He sounds much rougher, like he's having trouble breathing. "What happened?"
"I think I might have disturbed the neighbors. I was a little loud."
Another laugh. "I see."
"Akiyama-san? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Better than." Akiyama sounds out of breath. He must have come too, only quieter. He must have heard her on the other end. "Just, we can't go too far."
Nao's lost track of how many times he's said that phrase tonight. What is too far, anyway? A kiss? What they've finished doing—only in person? Except for the actual sensation his touch on her and hers on him, Nao can't imagine anything that could be more intimate.
"No."
"But this is good." Akiyama sounds like he's trying to convince someone. Himself probably.
"It is," Nao agrees. The call is over, mostly, but she doesn't want to hang up. "Ne, Akiyama-san?"
"Yes?"
"Will you stay on the line until I fall asleep?"
"Of course."
When Nao wakes up in the morning, he's still there.