Chapter Text
"This doesn't look like Mikasa's hair."
Jean winces and blushes.
"Just...go with it. It's the closest I could find."
"We could just..." Eren blushes a little himself. "It's short, but...my hair is real hair, at least. And it's dark."
Jean looks at him for a long moment, swallows - then shakes his head.
"No. I-it's too short, and - hers is like, ink-black, yours is like very dark brown, and hers is all flat and thick, yours is thin and a bit m- just put the thing on, alright? If you still want to do- do the thing, that is."
"Alright, yes, I do."
He puts on the wig, his back to Jean, and eyes himself critically in the mirror. What Jean said ("Just go with it, the closest I could find") could apply to the whole of his outfit. Outfit - it's a big word for what he's wearing.
"Should've gone with the uniform, instead of trying to imitate her civvies," he mutters to himself.
"Everybody here wears an uniform," Jean points out. "It would defeat the purpose of dressing up".
"I would be wearing something more than a skirt, at least."
"I don't mind you- Mikasa- I don't think it looks too bad."
Eren shakes his head. He doesn't look like Mikasa - he doesn't even look like Eren dressing up as Mikasa - he looks like Eren in a skirt and wig.
For starters, he couldn't bring himself to wear anything even resembling the red scarf. Then, he couldn't find a blouse - he went as far as to try on one, but his shoulders filled it way too much, he would've stretched it and he didn't feel like ruining Mikasa's clothes for this.
That left only the skirt - which is an old, consumed thing that Mikasa was using for rags and Eren recovered as well as he could - that's why it's much shorter than what Mikasa would find decent. It's his size, at least, but his legs in it look so out of place - they're too thick and, while he's not all that hairy, Mikasa is almost completely smooth.
He watches the locks fall on his naked shoulders. The wig doesn't fit him, either. Aside from the low quality of the hair, fuzzy and messy and with no shine to it, there's the fact that the color is much too black-blue. It makes him look sickly and green. Maybe, if his skin was paler, pinker...
Not for the first time, Eren thinks that he looks as different from most people as Mikasa does.
He catches Jean's face in the mirror - he's looking at him, his face softening, blushing a little across his nose. Jean, now he looks like something - disheveled clothes, messy dirt blond locks and chestnut brown underneath, light hazel eyes, well-sculpted face, long and lanky and elegant. He's so gorgeous, Jean. He can't fathom why he keeps going for weird-looking people like him and Mikasa - though he supposes he himself doesn't count, does he, he's just a way to let off steam.
He wonders if Jean even likes him. It doesn't feel like it, sometimes, while they're fucking.
Jean grabs his wrist and pulls delicately, and Eren turns to look at him. Jean leans back on the bed and pats on his legs, and Eren obeys, straddling his thighs and wrapping his arms loosely around his neck, their eyes level, feeling the brush of Jean's clothes on the skin of his thighs. Jean brushes a stray lock of wig hair from Eren's face with a delicate gesture, the tip of his long fingers dragging ever-so-slightly along the line of Eren's jaw.
He's being so careful, Jean, ever since Eren said yes, keeping the light, gentle manners he used to present the idea in the first place. He's probably afraid Eren will change his mind if he goes back at being a prick, but Eren hates this, hates the fact that Jean is walking on eggshells around him now, wants Jean to be the loud asshole he fights with so much, wants Jean to fuck him like they usually do, to grab him and push him and shove him and pull at his hair - though he guesses he can't, now, considering that it would mean breaking the spell.
And Jean does look like he's under a spell - there's still that blush on his face, and his expression is so incredibly soft, kind, awed, shy even. Without his usual rude smirk or grumpy expression, he looks younger, more open.
He looks gorgeous, too, but Jean always looks gorgeous, we've established this.
"Is it working?" Eren asks, because it doesn't matter how the wig looks to him, after all. "Can you pretend that...well...you know...I'm pretty?"
There's a part of him that refuses to acknowledge that he's actually so desperate for Jean that he's dressing up as his sister, because that's a low no man can easily admit he's reached, so he's compromised with himself - he just won't say it out loud. If he has, he'll pretend he's dollying himself up like he would for a special night, putting on a wig because Jean is into wigs in general. It hurts a little bit less like that. His dignity, he means. His dignity doesn't hurt as much.
He still feels like he wants to drink himself into a stupor, though.
Jean doesn't seem to have noticed.
"Yes," he says, letting out a shuddering breath. "Yes, you look pretty. Very pretty."
He licks his lips before leaning forward, and the first kiss is delicate, but Eren still feels it in his bones and in the pit of his stomach, like a low burn, like the embers that still glow red between the ashes in the stove in the early morning hours of a long winter night.
Eren sighs, and Jean sighs with him, their breaths mingling, and then kisses him again. His hands wrap carefully on Eren's hips as he leans forward slightly and licks along the seam of Eren's lips.
Eren whines and Jean pushes his tongue further, deepening the kiss, and his fingers tighten around Eren slightly - Eren thinks he's enjoying the feeling of his hips, he's as fleshy there as Mikasa, if not more - and Eren tightens his hold on Jean's neck and answers the kiss, moaning into it, even.
He thinks he's not being a very good Mikasa - he can't imagine her being this pliant and responsive, moaning and sighing just with a little bit of making out - but then again, it's not like he's been giving the idea lots of thought. He probably should have, in order to pretend better, but he seriously can't bring himself to think of Mikasa like that. Jean doesn't seem to have noticed that, either, anyway.
Maybe Jean's fantasy Mikasa is like this, sensitive and responsive. That would make sense. Who knows, maybe Mikasa is like this. Jean has had more partners than Eren (which is not difficult, since Eren's partners list comprises of exactly one voice, Kirstchein, Jean), and he had sex with women, too, so maybe he knows something Eren doesn't. Eren can't imagine Mikasa's thighs trembling like his own are, in a way that Jean must feel since they're pressed so close, he can't imagine her whimpering the way he does when Jean nibbles on his bottom lip - but he also wouldn't have been able to imagine Jean playfully nibbling, or being capable of sliding his hands on his body with only the right amount of pressure to leave goosebumps in his wake - and he wouldn't have imagined himself being able to go to such ridiculous lengths just to bask more in fucking Jean Kirstchein's fucking charms, and yet, here they are.
Still, Eren feels like he isn't doing much to help Jean, here, and there's that usual stubborn part of him that wants to do right by everybody, and he has to at least try.
"Do you want me to face the other way?" he asks, breaking the kiss.
He wonders if he should try to make his voice high-pitched or something, but that would be a bit too much.
"Hn?"
Jean still looks relaxed, slightly dazed, awed - fascinated, Eren suddenly thinks. He's fascinated by him, and even if it's just because of the dumb wig, the thought still gives Eren a weird feeling in his stomach.
"You know, to..." one of Jean's knees slides up and his clothed thigh presses more firmly between Eren's legs, on the naked skin under the skirt, and the rest comes out in a breathy stutter "...to help maintain the illusion."
Jean blinks at him a couple times, like he can't quite remember what Eren is talking about for a long moment - then, he smiles, kind and brilliant.
"Nah. Mikasa has killer abs too, isn't it?"
You think I have killer abs? Eren almost asks, but Jean is already kissing him again.
Eren tightens his arms around his neck again, until they're pressed together - like this, he can feel the shift of muscles in his neck and shoulders - Jean is so close that he can smell his skin, and his kisses tonight are breathtaking - was he always able to kiss like this? Was he saving it for Mikasa? She would have been one lucky girl.
Jean breaks the kiss and Eren sighs, but then one of Jean's hands comes up to brush hair from Eren's face again, again with that delicacy, and Eren has to wonder why he keeps doing that - shouldn't he use the hair to cover Eren's face? Him and Mikasa might look like each other, slightly, in the dark, from behind, if Eren wears a wig - but their faces are completely different.
Jean brushes his thumb along the line of Eren's bottom lip.
"Look at you. Damn." Jean's eyes keep on flickering on Eren's face, from his lips to his eyes to his nose. "I can't believe you're actually here, doing this with me."
Eren can feel his cheeks blushing brightly, can feel familiar pinpricks at the corners of his eyes - fuck, he knows he cries easily, but this is fucking ridiculous - he closes his eyes and tries to reign in his breath.
Jean presses a little kiss to his cheek, to the line of his jaw. His hand flutters along Eren's neck, to his chest, sliding down quickly - he's probably avoiding his non-existent breasts - it brushes along his hips again, on his knee, and then Jean takes away his hand, and Eren hears the noise of him sucking on his fingers before they resume their travel - whispering along the hem of his skirt - avoid Eren's half-hard dick - he probably looks so dumb, with the boner rising his skirt, but Jean doesn't seem - there's a lot of things that should ruin this for Jean that Jean doesn't give a fuck about, isn't that weird? - and then under the skirt itself - and then they pause.
"No underwear?" He sounds faintly amused.
Eren licks his lip. "I- didn't have any that wouldn't peek from under the skirt, and- ah!"
Jean slides his fingers further up - and the whole of Eren's body is shivering. He's suddenly feeling so fucking self-conscious, he doesn't think he's ever been so shy in his life.
Jean makes a surprised noise as he meets the oil on Eren's thighs - his fingers get to Eren's hole, brush against it kindly, tentatively, like he's testing out something, which is probably what he's doing.
"Did you..."
Jean sounds surprised, but also - his breath is short and his voice is almost a grunt, and Eren thinks it was worth it, to prepare himself hastily in the bathroom, just after wearing the skirt, with his fingers that felt so much clumsier and rougher than Jean's.
He gathers himself enough to nod, even if he's still feeling shy, and he's keeping his eyes shut.
"Fuck. You did it for me? So that I would...so that I could..."
Eren nods again, with a little more conviction - it seemed such an obvious detail - how could Jean keep up the illusion of fucking a girl if he was as dry as summer down there? but Jean is reacting like this is the nicest thing anybody ever did for him, which is kind of endearing but also kind of stupid because seriously, Eren saved his life like three times the other week and he didn't get such a reaction out of him.
But then again, who cares, when Jean lets out a long exhale and starts to oh yes his fingers are definitely better, whoah, maybe it's because they're longer? or maybe it's because Jean is also raining little kisses on his face in-between whispering sweet dirty nothings in his ear, which is something Eren very well can't do on his own.
"So hot. So fucking hot for me, you look incredible, you feel incredible around my fingers...got yourself all wet for me...so sweet, so hot...oh, you kill me, you fucking kill me..."
"Jean!" and look, his voice has gone all high-pitched all on its own.
"Yes, yes, come on, come on...D'ya want to suck my cock, pretty? Please?"
His voice breaks, and Eren thinks that if they were doing it as usual, he would answer that with a punch - that if he was really Mikasa, he would just stand up and walk away - but he feels like he's being neither, like he's being something in-between that doesn't exist anywhere except Jean's fantasies, and if in Jean's fantasies he gets sucked off whenever he asks, then Eren will suck him off.
He slides on Jean's legs, while Jean leans with his back against the bed frame. He undoes Jean's trousers, and wow, Jean is very hard - the dumb wig must be working much better for him than it does for Eren.
He gives his cock a tentative lick and looks up at him - he doesn't have much experience with blowjobs, but if he spies Jean's reactions he can usually guess what he's doing right.
But, Jean smiles down at him, brushes his hair away from his face again with that kindness - he looks at him like he's this precious, fragile thing and Eren bats his eyes a couple times but he can't help it, waterworks open, so he shuts his eyes again to keep them in.
"No, look at me...look at me, come on, I don't like it with your eyes closed..."
Eren doesn't answer - he just puts the tip of Jean's cock in his mouth and sucks, hears him whine and his voice break and the way his breath stutters - but Jean doesn't give up on this.
"Come on, I love your eyes...never met somebody that had eyes like yours, you know? Blue-green, such a beautiful color..."
And Eren's eyes flip open in surprise, because Mikasa's eyes are black. Ink-black, like her hair.
Maybe he should say something about this - but Jean is looking at him in that way again and Eren can feel his heart breaking in his chest so he says nothing, he just keeps eye contact and starts bobbing his head up and down and Jean bites his lip and grits his teeth and whines and tells him he's beautiful, so fucking beautiful.
He's not sure what to do. Mikasa would probably - he doesn't want to think of Mikasa, when he does his stomach constricts like it's been punched.
He stops to slide his mouth back to Jean's, and he was expecting Jean to protest, but it doesn't happen - what happens instead is that Jean was eagerly waiting for his mouth on his own again, apparently, and he worries at his lip, nibbles, sucks, and keeps on kissing him like Jean has been starving for months and Eren is a feast, even as he grabs Eren's hips and lines himself up with Eren's hole and starts pushing down on his hips to make him sit down.
Eren's mouth opens in a long exhale and his hands move to dig in the fabric on Jean's shoulders, his head falling back, because Jean makes him take it all in with one smooth push and maybe this is how you do it with girls but it might be a bit much for Eren, it makes his back arch and his body shudder and the tears that have been gathering in his eyes fall out.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Does it hurt? I'm sorry!"
"No, it's...give me...a minute."
"Of course, all the time you want, I..." Jean presses kisses to his forehead, on the corners of his closed eyes. "Fuck, don't cry...I can't stand it when you cry..."
And this, somehow, makes Eren want to cry even more - he sobs, and he - before he can think about it, he's standing up on his knees, letting Jean slide out of him - Jean still has his hands on his hips, and they tighten slightly in surprise, but then open, and Eren could easily get out of his grasp, and this, too, is different from usual, this, too, makes him want to cry.
"Eren?" he asks, so, so kindly.
"I can't," he says.
"You...can't..."
"I feel stupid. With this fucking thing-" and then he stops talking because he went to take off his wig, except that apparently he isn't wearing one.
He blinks stupidly a couple time and turns around - there, on the bed, there's the wig, abandoned, and who knows when exactly it fell off. He turns back towards Jean, who's looking to the side, biting his lip nervously, red and disheveled and hot, his eyes shiny like he, too, wants to cry - and, finally, it clicks - no need to turn around, and wanting to see his face, and blue-green eyes, and - Eren can be dense, but nobody is quite that dense.
He grabs Jean's chin to make him turn back towards him, and kisses him, long and hard, before sliding down on him, taking him in again.
Jean moans, almost sobs, and Eren wraps his arms around his neck tight again and rides Jean, up and down, slowly at first, still adjusting, still looking for a good angle - but then he does find it, and a good rhythm, and Jean moves his arms around Eren's waist and squeezes, kisses Eren again, slow, before starting again to whisper in his ear.
"So beautiful, so very beautiful...beautiful eyes, beautiful skin...ah, yes, like this, you're so good, so beautiful, so perfect...you drive me crazy sometimes, you make me do such stupid shit..."
They're pressed so tight Jean's clothes are brushing against his erection on every movement, and Eren feels very close already, just with that and Jean fucking him and he digs his blunt nails in the fabric of Jean's shirt and bunches it up.
Jean reacts with a little whine - he seems to be fighting against the urge to close his eyes to keep looking at Eren, and Eren finds this so sweet - everything about Jean tonight is so sweet, and it's not on Mikasa that he's being sweet, and Eren feels like laughing and feels like marking the day down on his calendar.
"Be like this more often," he orders.
"Yes," Jean answers, and lets out a long, stuttering sigh, and looks at him like he's the most beautiful thing that ever happened. "Yes, everything you want, Eren."
In the morning, the skirt gets discreetly returned to Mikasa's rag pile, and the wig gets thrown in the stove, and then Eren comes back to finish sleeping next to Jean.