Work Text:
“Jane.”
Silence.
“Jaaaaaaaaaaane.”
More silence.
“Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane.”
Still silence.
“Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane. Jane Jane Jane Jane JaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJaneJa—“
“WHAT!”
“Jesus Christ, it’s about time, I swear, you’re the only person on the planet who can ignore me for that long.”
“Darcy, I’m busy. What do you want?”
“I’m totally fucked for the secret Santa.”
“You came in here to bother me about that?”
“Yes! Will you trade with me?”
“That’s against the rules.”
Darcy shrugged. “No one would know but us.” She waggled her eyebrows. “C’mon, live a little!”
“Trading secret Santa picks is not “living a little”.”
“It is when you’re cooped up in your lab like this twenty-four seven. I wouldn’t be able to insist that it would be living to switch with me if you’d actually like go outside and be a normal thirty-something woman in New York. We could totally be Sex and the City-ing it up right now.”
Jane just shook her head and pulled her glasses off, finally looking up from her work. “What’s the problem with who you got?”
“I got Sif.”
“And?”
“What the fuck do you get a literal warrior goddess? For under twenty dollars?”
Jane shrugged. “That’s your problem, not mine.”
“It could be your problem if you’d trade.”
“Is that supposed to be enticing me?”
Darcy groaned and plunked herself down in a chair, burying her face in her hands. “I was hoping I’d get you! Or… literally anyone else, really.”
“What would you have bought anyone else?”
“I dunno. Something stupid and funny that would probably embarrass whoever got it.”
“Why can’t you do that with Sif?”
Darcy shrugged again. “It feels… weird. I dunno, she deserves more respect than that and… stuff.”
“And I don’t?”
“You couldn’t find your ass if I didn’t tell you where it is. There’s nothing respectable about that.” Darcy lifted her face out of her hands to look at Jane. “What would you get Thor?”
“Sexy underwear probably.”
“For him or for you?”
Jane just grinned.
“Okay, if you couldn’t get him sexy underwear for one of you, what would you get?”
“Why can’t you get Sif sexy underwear? Couldn’t you just laugh it off?” Darcy’s face immediately went bright red and a knowing smile crept onto Jane’s face.
“Don’t be stupid.”
“Darcyyyyy.” Jane sang.
“What?” It was a much more snappish response than the situation called for, even from Darcy.
“Is there something else going on here?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I can’t say I blame you, really.”
“Blame me for what?” Darcy’s blush hadn’t died down.
“She is really pretty.”
“That’s not relevant.”
“It is if you’re into her.”
“Jane! This isn’t helping!”
“I really have no ideas for you. For the gift, anyways. But if you have a thing for Sif, I think you should go for it.”
“You’re crazy, Jane.”
“Whatever. I have to go back to work now. Go harass someone else about gift ideas.”
Darcy stood and walked out. She paused at the door though, and turned back. “It’s not like I could even find sexy underwear for $20!” She yelled, a bit louder than necessary, and then stomped out.
* * *
There was going to be a formal gift exchange, but Darcy had been called into an emergency meeting of peons at the last minute, and so instead she met with Sif after the meeting to give her the gift. She’d arranged to meet (through Jane, who had been more than pleased to help) in an AV room in the tower. It was one of the rooms that Tony had clearly had more influence in, as in addition to the standard board table and chairs it had a fluffy couch stretched out in front of the TV screen. Darcy had heard rumours that there was one AV room with beanbag chairs, but Tony refused to confirm or deny it and she hadn’t had any luck locating it.
So Darcy was sitting on the table in the AV room, watching the door, a gift bag sitting by her side. She felt her heartrate speed up the moment Sif walked into view, but she fought to keep her expression calm (as calm as possible) as she walked into the room.
“Hey! How’s it going? How was the thing earlier?”
“Everything was fine, though we all missed your presence.”
“Yeah, the meeting was completely pointless too. Sometimes I think SHIELD just waits until they know I want to do something and then does their best to completely sabotage my plans.” She paused for a moment but then, afraid of a long silence, stood up and grabbed the bag, holding it out to Sif. “So, anyways, here!” It came out more flippant than she’d intended, but she just tried to smile extra wide to make it better.
Sif accepted the bag with both hands and then carefully sets it back down on the table so she can pull the tissue paper out carefully.
Inside was Darcy’s Best Night Ever Kit (Christmas Edition). There were two bags of extra-buttery microwave popcorn, two personal sized packets of hot chocolate, a DVD box set of all the Die Hard movies (which, to Darcy’s horror, had been on clearance at the store she’d bought it from, though it meant she was able to buy it and stay under budget), and a small bottle of Bailey’s liqueur (which technically took her over budget but it was totally a necessity, so she didn’t care).
As she watched Sif pull everything out, Darcy was mentally kicking herself, suddenly feeling like it had been a really stupid idea. “I, uh, didn’t really know what to get you and Jane told me I should get you lingerie which was a stupid idea too and I probably shouldn’t have even told you that, but whatever, so I thought I’d… give you a night, kind of. It’s kind of stupid but I thought we could watch them together or something. Or you could go with someone else, it’s not like I’m part of the package.” She forced herself to shut up there. Word vomit was never a good thing.
Darcy peeked up at Sif to see her reaction and was rather surprised to see a smile.
“This seems like a wonderful idea.”
“…It does?”
“A true Midgardian night.” Sif nodded. “I look forward to experiencing your entertainment about—“ she looked at the DVD case, “dying hard.”
Darcy grinned. “Well, uh, cool. Great. That’s awesome. I’m glad you like it.”
“Would it be possible, perhaps, to begin tonight?”
“Tonight?” It took Darcy a second to process the idea of it happening so fast. “Uh, sure, yeah. I’m free.”
“Excellent. I take it the food will require preparation?”
“Ah, yeah, just a couple minutes of it though. There’s a kitchenette next door we can use to make it all.” It was hard for Darcy to keep a stupid grin off her face. “Uh, I’m going to go change into something more casual though. Work clothes are hardly appropriate for Die Hard. I’ll meet you back here in ten?”
Sif nodded. “I will be waiting.”
“Great, then… it’s a date.” She was halfway to the door when she realized what she’d said. “Ah, I, uh, didn’t mean… just a figure of speech…” She looked over at Sif and then shook her head. “I’ll see you in ten minutes.”
Sif watched Darcy leave, smiling fondly as she went.