Work Text:
His eyes open taking everything in, the simpleness of the room, the way you could just smell the hospital and cleanse in the air. It all seems new to him and he wonders why he is here but it is far from it. He has been here almost a year now and at first he could remember but slowly it just disappeared, they didn't know where to but they just knew it was gone and wasn't coming back for him.
His hands fumbled around the blankets wrapped tightly around him trying to remember why the hell he was here, his heart beating fast in his chest as he flung off the blanket dropping it to the floor and he went to get up before pausing. A single envelope sitting on his bedside stand with the words 'Read me when you wake'. Very carefully he picked up the small note and opened to the letter inside as he started to read.
Dear Zayn,
Every morning this is placed on the side of your bed, folded up and put back in the over used envelope. And do it right after you finish reading it or else you will end up forgetting to do so and then you won't get to read it tomorrow morning. I know you don't remember a lot right now and are confused on where you at but look at your left hand please. Don't be worried because that's where my hand is holding you tight and protecting you from the world. If you just imagine that my fingers are fit perfectly with yours the world is going to be okay. At least that what you have told me for years now.
I bet your wondering who the hell am I and why you are holding my imaginary hand. That answer is simple, I'm your husband. Liam Malik at your service. We couldn't go with my last name because Zayn Payne sounded to bad ass for someone as sweet as you. I wish I could be there next to you to tell you the story of our life together but I can't so as long as you have this note it's the closest thing we have for now.
I'm going to start from the top but first go in the desk on the right side of your night stand and pull out the photo album please. The first few pages are the start of us but not just each other but the start of One Direction. X-Factor was the the closest thing to reaching the dream that normal people could try for, or just to see if they were any good or just sounded like crap. I went because singing was the thing I loved to do most and on stage was the only place I felt like I belong somewhere, you auditioned for the same reason but almost missed it because you wanted to sleep. We both made it through to bootcamp level and then you almost got eliminated because you wouldn't dance because you thought you couldn't. But gladly Simon wouldn't let you, he got you on that stage and as your confidence grew through the years you realized you were amazing at it. But back to X-Factor. You looked adorable even back then there was just something about you that just made me have to met you, talk to you, anything. But I was to shy so I just watched you from a distance and hoped you didn't think of me as the odd kid staring at you. You, me, we didn't make it through. We were a mess as we were sent to go back are bags but we got called back. You and I, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles, we formed into a band and Harry named it One Direction. I pity anyone who had to deal with us five hyper boys, it took us a bit to feel comfortable around each other but we now never like to be apart. One Direction didn't win the contest but made third place. And you told the crowd that it wasn't going to be the last of One Direction and you were right. You can go to youtube and watch videos if you want of those years, I'm going to skip to three years later, but watch are video dairies if anything. All videos are in a playlist. And some of my favorite interviews and fan made videos that show who we are and who the band was.
After that the next three years were amazing and the best times I ever had, All of us boys were so damn lucky for doing what we loved being able to follow are dreams. We did some huge things in the three years, sang and goofed off at the biggest places in the world, had huge crowds screaming are name, we even had a movie. But it wasn't always easy on us, things had to be hidden from the world. The fact that I was gay was a big one, I met Danielle on X-Factor and she was one of my closest friends and when they told me I needed a beard she said she would so I wouldn't have to have someone I hated. You had a girlfriend named Perrie at this time.
We were always so close, shared a special bond and I always told myself that it was because we are best friend and that was it. I couldn't like you because you didn't like boys and a guy as amazing as you were, could and would have never been interested in the boring old me anyways. But we just finished a concert, just a normal one and when we got of stage you ran up and kissed me. I was so shocked I didn't kiss back but after a few seconds I grabbed your face and kissed you back. If you turn to the next page you can see a picture of it, plot twist Perrie took it, a bright grin on her face. She told me later that night that she knew you loved me since year one and I didn't believe her. Anyways that was our first kiss.
It took us months to do anything about the kiss though, we danced around each other sometimes and then were cuddly and kissy the next. It drove the boys crazy. But there was Perrie and Danielle..still technically are girlfriends that management had us together. We know strange people you just accepted it. This is why you have Perrie tattooed on your arm is because if it wasn't for her there wouldn't be an us. She planned this perfect date for us. We had to row a boat out to an island, where they set up lanterns and a table with all are favorite foods. It was just like the movies but that wasn't the best part. There was blankets for us so we decided to go sit on the sand as you curled your body up to mine sharing the blanket you are using now. We did nothing but talk and kiss slowly but it was the happiest night of my life because in the end of the night you held my hand and told me that that was where you were always meant to be, that you would always be hold my hand.
It was a while until we could come out, it was hard but we both knew that as long as we got each other to hold onto at the end of the night nothing else matter. Do you wanna hear how we came out? It was once again by accident and how I can't control myself. We just won an award and as always I was the one to speak and I was rambling so excited and I said that I would like to thank my boyfriend and grabbed your hand. I just kept thanking the people without a clue in the world that I just slipped up. We went to leave the stage when I just froze and realized I just told the world and scared of the consequences. But you just stopped and kissed me on the nose and told me you loved me. For the first time.
You are still flipping the pages right? You should be at the wedding photos by now. That day was chaos, I was so nervous I spilled water all over my pants and had a melt down and you tripped walking up the stairs. Louis thought it would be funny to lock up our parents in a room just to delay it. Niall was on a sugar rush from whatever candy he seemed to eat, at least a truck load by how he was and Harry was dancing round like a twat. It was perfect. I tripped when you had me walk up the aisle after you, I just wanted to get to you as fast as I could. 'My hands are never alone because I know you are always there beside me holding tight and keeping me calm and making be do crazy things at the same time. This is and was where my hand is always meant to be, wrapped with yours.' It was just something stupid we said but it was our thing, our vows.
The summer after that was hard, so fucking hard as we lost one of our boys. He was so young, so pure that when we heard the news that he had crashed we all just stopped. He sat there for hours staring at blank walls tears streaming down are face till we all just lost it, screaming at the world. Life seemed to be over for us. It was so fast Zayn, we didn't have time to make it better to be able to keep him. The day we lost him was the day One Direction ended. He wanted to us to keeping going but we couldn't, One Direction was the five of us and would always be. Not a day goes by that I don't miss that curly haired boy who had one of the sweetest hearts you could ever know. It wasn't fair, it still isn't fair that he is gone. We struggled so much with it but over time we healed.
Gage was ours after two years of marriage, our perfect son that my sister carried for us so we could have a family of are own. Spoiled he was, he looked more like me then you though. But he had your eyes and nose and he was the perfection of life. He have a million of photos of him growing up in that book. It didn't take long for us to decided we wanted a second and our second son named Harry, it was scary how much he seemed to look like are Harry, even though he had nothing to do with it. We thought Big Harry was just making sure we hadn't forgot about him. Our last child was a little girl called Aviary. She was you in every way from her looks to personality. All you. Gage is married to Tyler now, your two grand kids from them was Josh and Nick. Harry has his wife Meredith and their daughter Anna. And Aviary just got married, no little ones from her yet but that may be because you scared her now husband shitless. Our family with them and the boys and there family's is and always will be perfect.
But this is the part of our lives that I left you. I'm sorry so sorry for that Zaynie, I never meant to leave you alone and have you deal with this all by yourself. We just went to the doctors for check ups and they were never supposed to tell me I had cancer and you had Alzheimer. We were way to young for all of that but here we are now. I said before I'm sorry for not being able to tell you this in person but this letter is what I'm spending my last time on this earth doing. I will always love you baby, I love how you can be so damn difficult for me and so stubborn when trying to get you out of bed even after of years. Baby I just love you and all of you. My heart is with you, I will never leave you I can't. I loved you back when I first saw you at X-Factor to the first time we talked in McDonald's through the fame and our family and death. Baby I'm so sorry for not being strong enough to live to help you through this all but I'll be there holding you hand. Because that the only place that my hand fits in this world and I will always wait for you to join me but take your time.
I love you,
Liam
The tears streamed down Zayn's face as he read the letter, gently folding it up and placing it back in the envelope so he could read it when he woke the next morning. His life playing in his head but huge chunks of it seemed to be missing but now he understood why they were. His fingers fumbled over the pages of his life taking in everything, glad they always made sure to take photos at every occasion though their kids hated it sometimes. Fresh tears poured over his eyes at the idea of Liam not alive anymore but he was and soon he wouldn't remember any of his life and family, it would be gone forever. He didn't want it too but he knew that the choice wasn't his to make, he just had to be pawn in the cruel world.
A small knock came from the door as he wiped his tears away telling them to come in to see two older men come in and take seats beside him. He was supposed to know them, supposed to remember everything about them but he could only come up with these empty pictures from the book Liam left him as he stared at them.
"Hi Zayn. I'm Louis and this is Niall." The first boy said his eyes crinkled with wrinkles around them, a huge smile on his face through Zayn could figure out why. "We are your best friends." Niall said, a small on his face but Zayn could see the hurt in his eyes, how much it stung having to re- tell him who they are to him but there was a determined look in his eyes that crossed it out. Zayn let out a small smile trying to relax around the new men in his room, these boys were his lifetime and everything to him but he only wished he could remember them.