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His back was hunched, radiating stress and tension as he sat in the Captain's chair. It wasn't hard to tell that Spock had his gaze fixed on him, glaring concerned holes into the back of his head, he could practically hear his Commanders thoughts. Sure they shared a bond, but he tried to block that out, he didn't need Spock to hear everything he was thinking about—spare himself the lectures he'd no doubt receive.
They were now only a few months into their deep space journey, and really everyone was excited, except Bones of course. But as weeks and months went by, Jim found it harder and harder to push certain thoughts out of his head. He couldn't sleep, worried that something might happen and his crew would need him, he wasn't about to make that mistake again even if he had to pay the ultimate price, again. Bones and Spock would lecture him on this, but so far he'd done a good job at hiding it, returning to his room at the end of his shift, he'd told them he was off to sleep but clearly only he could tell his own lie. So day by day he went on less and less sleep, until one day the bags under his eyes were to noticeable, only then did he go to someone.
Uhura was anything but a tattler, or so Jim thought when he went to her for coverage advice. He couldn't be seen with big black and blue bags under his eyes, now what kind of message would that send to his crew, and especially Spock.
“Jim, you need to talk to someone. Bones would love it if you would open up to him and let him help, he knows your still not fine from the battle with Khan. Hell I think everyone knows, especially Spock.”
Jim tried his best to smile and act like he'd heard nothing, “thanks Uhura, I look all pretty now,” he said flatly, sliding off the stool in her room. He was about to exit when he had a sudden thought, and it made him want to curse himself for even asking for help. “Uhura, can you do me a solid and not tell anyone why I came to you tonight? Not even Bones, and especially not Spock.”
She made a sad face at him and nodded, which filled him with hope until it unexpectedly, didn't. Trust was something he was good at, but it was also something that usually got him hurt in the end.
-
A few days went by since Jim made his trip to Uhura for help, and they went by without incident. Jim still wasn't sleeping, but thanks to Uhura no one was able to notice, or so he thought no one did. But what he hadn't counted on was for Uhura to have a private meeting with Spock, Bones, and Sulu just after he'd left that night. It was unpredictable, and as he made his way to his chair for yet another early morning shift, he had specific eyes following him.
Taking a sip of his coffee, he noted that everyone was smiling and nodding at him, whispering quiet good mornings to him. He responded in kind, smiling back but not putting his all into it. He was lower today than he'd been in a long time, and he couldn't put his finger on it, but Spock seemed glued to his side, smiling down at him as he sipped at his coffee.
“How is your morning Captain?”
Jim smiled, a honest real smile. “It's swell Spock, how's your morning going?”
Spock gave a slight smile and did something he'd never done intentionally before; placed his left hand gently on Jim's aching shoulder. This action had Jim instantly suspicious, but that all faded away when suddenly Spock's two fingers pressed right into his nerve. Jim had no time to react and was instantly asleep, his coffee mug saved by Spock's other skilled hand.
“Well done Spock, I don't think he even saw it coming,” said Sulu in a hushed voice. The hole crew didn't even bat an eyelash at what had just occurred, for they knew it was only a matter of time before Spock couldn't take it any longer. He'd known before anyone, having been bonded with Jim, and even with Jim trying to block him out, he still sensed his exhaustion and restlessness.
Picking Jim up bridal style, Spock gave Sulu the Con and silently carried Jim to his quarters, where Bones was waiting with a strong sedative that would keep their Captain under long enough for him to get enough sleep, but even then Bones had suggested wanting to use at least two.
“He is quite light Doctor, I configure our Captain has not eaten large amounts of food recently.” Spock did his best to whisper, but he knew Bones had heard him.
Laying Jim on his largely issued Captain's bed, Bones wasted no time in puncturing him with a sedative Hypo. Internally wincing, Spock watched as Jim gave a silent jolt to the sudden sensation, his eyebrows drawing inwards in pain.
“That should keep him under for at least a full twenty-four hours, give or take a few. We should leave him to rest, ill keep tabs on him and contact you if anything changes.” McCoy whispered, turning to exit the Captain's quarters.
“I wish to stay with the Captain, I will monitor him and report to you if his state changes,” Spock said, forgetting to whisper, earning a hush from the Doctor. “Okay, but don't stress him out if he wakes up, he isn't going to be happy with what we've done to him.”
Leaving without another word, Bones left Spock with an unconscious Jim. Even after being heavily sedated, Spock watched as Jim's expressions flashed from peaceful to fearsome in just seconds. 'This was why he refused to sleep,' Spock concluded, moving to press his fingers to Jim's head. He willed Jim's dreams to be pleasant, to shake every bad thought from his subconscious. Once he was satisfied, he took a seat at Jim's desk, silently looking over his sleeping friend, and swore he'd never let Jim get this bad again.