Chapter Text
(Harry’s POV)
“Do you love me?”
I smiled, “You know I do.”
“So you would do anything for me?”
“Anything.”
He smirked, that crooked little smirk that I loved so much and ran a hand through my curly locks.
“Good. Stay here I have a surprise for you babe!” He placed a chaste kiss on my lips before jumping out of bed and disappearing down the hall. I laid there like I was told with a delirious smile on my face, wandering how I got so lucky to find someone like him.
I heard the front door opening and closing then the sound of hushed voices. Curiosity eventually got the best of me and I quietly got out of bed, tiptoeing down the hall, trying to sneak a quick peek. But all I saw was Jason two men that I’d never met before.
"Jason?" I called, making my presence known. "Who are they?"
He turned and smiled at me, but instead of the butterflies I usually felt, It sent a chill down my spine.
"Well you were right about him being a cute little twink Jason." One guy said, as both strangers slowly made their way towards me.
"That curly hair would be nice to hold onto." The second one said.
I started stumbling backwards in fear, my eyes flickering to Jason waiting for him to stop them.
"Ja-jason? What’s…What’s going on?"
"They’re your surprise Harry!" He exclaimed, now making his way towards me when my back hit the wall. "Surprise."
I woke up suddenly, gasping for breath, my eyes quickly flickering around the room until I realize I’m safe. I’m alone. I closed my eyes and ran a hand across my sweaty forehead.
“Just a dream Harry…Just a dream…” I whisper to myself a couple times.
Once I’ve caught my breath and my hands stopped trembling, I look over to the clock on my nightstand which read 7:32am, which meant Niall would be here in fifteen minutes to pick me up for our early morning classes. I slowly rolled out of bed, picked up the first pair of jeans I saw and my favorite orange jumper. I didn’t really care about what I looked like anymore. I didn’t want to be attractive. I didn’t want anyone to notice me.
Just as I was pouring some coffee into my mug, I heard a car honking outside. I grabbed my backpack and headed out. Locking the door. Unlocking. Locking. Double check.
“Hey Harry!” Niall greeted me, in a cheery voice as I slid into the seat next to him.
I gave him a small smile. “Hey.”
“So did you sleep alright last night?” He asked.
I shrugged. “I slept through the night at least.”
“Anymore nightmares?”
Flashes of last night’s nightmare, flashed through my head and I unconsciously started picking at an old scar on my arm. It only offered me a temporary lapse of relief.
“Don’t do that mate.”
My eye’s slowly opened and I looked at him briefly then down at my arm, pulling my sleeve down quickly.
“I’m sorry.” I said quietly, looking down at my lap.
“It’s fine Harry. Baby steps, yeah?”
I just nodded and the rest of the ride was silent.
Besides Niall, my mum and my therapist we’re the only people who knew what really happened to me. Niall knew because he found me the night it happened. My mum, found out a month later, after my first suicide attempt. I’d slit my wrist so deep that night and lost so much blood, that I needed a transfusion. The second and third times weren’t so extreme. I tried to go peacefully with, pills and alcohol, but either I didn’t take enough pills or drink enough, because my mum found me and I got my stomach pumped. The third time I tried, it was old fashioned Noose on a balcony. Unfortunate for me though, someone below saw me tying the rope to the railing and called the cops.
Did I regret doing it? Yeah, only because of the looks on my mums face whenever she had to come to the hospital and hear that her son had tried again.
Did I still try again after that though? Yes.
I wanted out. I still did. Maybe not as much as I did when the memories were still raw, but the idea of leaving this place never actually went away.
…
Despite what other people say, I actually liked college. It was a distraction.
So many things to learn, so many things to keep your mind occupied. That’s why I spent majority of my time in the library. It was quiet, it was safe, and it was a home away from home almost.
I liked the stories though. All the different types of books that let you escape reality just for a little while. It was nice.
It was nice to be out of my own mind. I wish it would stay that way. But my life isn’t a book.
I can’t stop reading the chapters I don’t like. Or skip to when it gets better.
Which leads me to right now.
Most classes for this hour have been out for at least ten minutes now, but I always stay behind and wait for the crowds to thin out. I don’t do well in crowds. When I thought It was safe to leave, I head out towards the library to wait for Niall’s last class of the day to let out so he can drive me home. There are still some people roaming around as I sped through them, staring at my feet, praying to just blend in.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see the person who was walking in front of me and walked straight into him knocking all the books out of his arms.
“What the hell!” He exclaimed. My eyes widened and snapped up towards him. He looked angry. He was yelling. I didn’t like yelling.
“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.” I exclaimed, frantically picking up his things. “Don’t be mad, please don’t be mad… I’m sorry.” At this point I was just mumbling apology after apology, then stood up handing him the books with my violently trembling hands. I didn’t make eye contact, so I didn’t notice the way his bright blue eyes were looking at me confused. He slowly took the books out of my hands.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered one more time.
“It’s fine mate, really. You don’t need to keep apologizing. It was an accident, I overreacted.” I nodded and turned to speed walk away, but I felt him grip my arm tightly before I could. I gasped, as the memories of Jason started playing in my head.
Glass breaking.
Men whispering in my ear.
Punch after punch.
Blood.
So.
Much.
Blood.
He must have seen the absolute look of terror in my eyes, because he quickly let go and I took off sprinting, not looking back once until I came across a bathroom and locked myself in a stall, dialing Niall’s number.
“What Harry, I’m in the middle of-“
“Niall I want to go home!” I yelled into the phone, crying. “Please! I just want to leave!”
“Woah, woah, woah lad, what the hell happened? Did someone hurt you?” He asked louder, so I assumed he left class.
“ Yes…no…Please, I just don’t want to be here anymore.”
“Okay, where are you?”
I sniffed, “The bathroom by calculus class.”
“Don’t move I’m on my way.”
With that I hung up and buried my head in my knees, wishing that I had my razor to give me that sweet sweet relief.