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Clarke was talking animatedly with her friends Octavia and Raven before the beginning of her English lecture, like every Thursday since the beginning of the school year. This class was the only one she had in common with her two friends, who hadn't chosen the same assignment as her. Clarke was a premed student, while Raven was following classes to become a mechanic engineer, and Octavia focusing on soccer, but following law class anyway as she didn’t want to end up with nothing if things didn’t turn the way she wanted. The lecture before theirs ended, and the three girls walked into the amphitheater. They sat at the bottom, knowing too well they weren’t going to listen a single word that the lecturer would say, and resumed their previous conversation.
“So where did you and Lincoln go last night?” Clarke asked while checking her phone.
“Yeah tell your two single friends about your wonderful love life.” Raven added sarcastically.
Octavia didn’t pick up Raven’s words though, too happy to talk about her date with the soccer player. “It was so romantic!” she giggled. “He brought me in an Italian restaurant and he paid the bill. After that we ended up walking in the city at night. It was freezing, so he gave me his vest.” she stated dreamily, the memories of her night clearly rushing in her head.
“Aaaw that’s so cute! You deserve it O, don’t you think Ray?” Clarke asked, checking her phone again.
The lecturer installed on the desk and immediately started talking about 18th century authors.
“Yeah, yeah.” Raven answered, looking in the amphitheater full of students. After a few seconds of searching, she spoke again. “Wow, it’s going to snow today.”
“What?”
“Eh?”
“Our favorite know-it-all isn’t here.”
These words made the two others girls looking at the front seats of the amphitheater.
“Maybe she didn’t hear her alarm.” Octavia stated.
“Or maybe she realized nobody can stand her contradicting the lecturer.” Raven stated with a smirk.
“I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is that she won’t be here ruining my daydreaming session with her high-pitched voice.” Octavia replied while scrolling through Lincoln’s pictures on instagram.
“Don’t you think the two of you are being excessive?” Clarke asked, sighing, which made Raven and Octavia looking at her with narrowed eyes. “I mean she makes sure the lecturer doesn’t teach us something wrong, it’s a good thing.”
“Who are you and what did you do to Clarke?” Octavia asked, teasingly.
“Seriously girls, she did nothing wrong.”
“Oh please Clarke, let us be mean.”
“Yeah Clarke, we need our 'Lexa is a bitch' weekly session.” Octavia added. “Plus, you were the one who started criticizing her.”
“Yes, but maybe I was wrong… I mean we don’t really know her.” Clarke tried to say casually.
“Come on Clarke, where are the “she’s so unbearable” and the “I can’t stand this discount version of Hermione Granger”?
Clarke didn’t have time to reply, because as if she was waiting for Raven to say that, Lexa made her appearance. She had her hair loose, and her cheeks had a cute shade of pink, certainly due to the combination of cold and sprint. Although the girl had certainly run to attend the class, she looked beautiful and her angelic face was even more attractive with the sharp jawline finishing it.
The brunette looked at the full amphitheater and sighed before seating at the only place she knew there always was a free seat: in front of Raven, Octavia and Clarke. She quickly put her things on the table before scribbling notes as if her life depended on it. She would make some “tut” sound from time to time to express her disagreeing with the lecturer, but nothing more. The three girls wouldn’t say anything about it, but Octavia and Raven would look at each other while raising their eyebrows each time though. The class went by quickly, with the three girls on their phones making some comments about what they were seeing or what happened during the week, until Raven broke their routine by speaking about Clarke’s ex.
“Finn called me last night.” She stated, not removing her gaze from her phone. “He wanted to tell me that things needed to be clear between us because he's planning on trying again with you.”
“I don’t c-”
Clarke didn’t make it to the end because Lexa cut her midsentence.
“Can you speak lower please.” the brunette said, making a movement with her hand to emphasize her point. The three girls stayed stunned by the girl’s request, not for too long before Octavia started arguing with her.
“No we won’t, next time you don’t want to hear us just choose another seat.”
“I'd have done that if only there were another free seat!” Lexa retorted.
“Well next time try not to be late.” Octavia stated with a smirk.
Raven giggled at that, high fiving her friend before Lexa could say anything.
“It’s not funny, people want to study and you’re disturbing them by being loud.” Lexa stated with distress in her voice. She looked at Clarke, as if she was waiting something from her and tore her gaze away when she realized the girl wasn’t going to do anything.
“Nobody complains apart from you, as always.” Raven added sharply.
Clarke was witnessing their exchange with wide eyes, not knowing what to say or do. She was saved by the lecturer, who interrupted Lexa as she was going to reply again.
“Could you please be quiet? If you don’t want to listen to me it’s your choice, but don’t prevent people from focusing on my lecture.”
“Yes sir.” Lexa replied, making Raven and Octavia rolling their eyes.
After that, the class passed quickly and even though the atmosphere around them was clearly heavy, there was no more conflict between the girls. Clarke couldn’t help glancing at the girl in front of her, knowing how the situation must be unpleasant for her. The bell rang and everybody left the amphitheater. Unexpectedly, Lexa left the place straight away, without asking some lightening to the lecturer. As Lexa was opening the door to leave, the three girls were behind her, Clarke leading them. Normally, Lexa would hold the door for the person behind her, but not this time. This time she let the door close on Clarke as if she was nonexistent.
“Seriously?”
“What a bitch!”
Raven and Octavia both said while Clarke was too stunned by the gesture to care about the two girls making comments behind her. She was completely taken aback by the girls' reaction towards her, which she found a bit excessive knowing that she didn’t do anything. After that, the three friends separated and headed towards their respective classes, Octavia swearing she was going to make Lexa regret her behavior, and Raven making some more comments to make the brunette angrier.
The day passed slowly. Clarke couldn’t help thinking about what happened with Lexa during the whole day. When her last class ended, she let out a sigh of relief and left quickly, heading straightly to the familiar building.
She took a deep breath before knocking at the familiar door. She was feeling incredibly nervous, and the more she was waiting for the door to be opened, the more she could feel anxiety rising in her belly. Her stomach was being torn and the girl couldn’t help but panic at the thought of the door staying closed. This thought didn't last long, as a tall girl with high cheeks opened the door.
“Hey Clarke! How are you?”
“I’m fine thanks.”
“How your family's going?”
“Fine I guess.”
She didn’t mean to be rude but she wasn’t in the state of mind for a small talk with Anya.
“Okay that’s great.” The woman opened the door widely, leaving space for Clarke to enter the apartment. “Lexa's in her room.”
“Okay thanks.” Clarke said calmly, which was the opposite of her insides sinking with the stress. She walked slowly towards Lexa's room under Anya's eyes and knocked carefully, fearing rejection from the brunette.
“Come in.”
She opened the door slowly, trying not to be too invasive in the brunette’s space.
“Hey.” she said without walking into the room.
Lexa was lying on her bed, clearly working on her laptop, and she didn’t even look up to answer the blonde. “What do you want?”
“I just want to talk to my girlfriend, that’s all.” Clarke stated, her voice trembling at Lexa’s coldness.
“Oh, so now I’m your girlfriend?” Lexa asked, turning her face towards Clarke. “I didn’t realize it when you were making fun of me with your besties.” Lexa stated sarcastically.
Clarke closed the door, not wanting to give a spectacle to Lexa’s sister, before moving forward carefully.
“Babe I’m sorry, you know how Ray and O can be.”
“I don’t care Clarke, really.” she stated her brows furrowed, making her glasses fall on her nose. “And stop 'babe' me.”
“Please Lex, I’m really sorry, but what did you want me to do?”
“What I wanted?” Lexa raised from the bed. “I wanted you to act like my fucking girlfriend and not like a stupid bitch!” she exclaimed, hitting Clarke’s shoulder with her forefinger.
The gesture made Clarke move backwards.
“I didn’t do anything wrong!”
“You did nothing, that's quite the problem!”
“I couldn’t say anything and you know that!” Clarke said, raising her voice a bit. “They don’t know we're together, I couldn’t take your side without triggering suspicion.” she added, her tone intending to be apologetic.
“I’m tired of this, Clarke.” Lexa stated, positioning herself back on the bed.
“I know babe, but please give me some time.” Clarke pleaded, not daring to sit on the bed.
“It’s been four months Clarke. I think it’s more than enough.” the brunette said while tapping on her keyboard.
“I haven't found the right time to tell them, that’s all!” Clarke exclaimed, her voice trembling.
This made Lexa turn her head towards the blonde again. “Raven was talking to you about Finn, Clarke! Finn!”
“There's nothing between me and him and you know it!”
“I know there’s nothing between the two of you.” Lexa stated stoically.
“So what then?” Clarke asked, her brows wrinkling with the questioning.
“I just don’t understand how Raven could accept you forgiving Finn after he cheated on both of you and still not be able to accept you dating me!”
“It’s… I-” Clarke stuttered.
“You what Clarke?” Lexa pondered her next question before speaking again. “Are you ashamed of me?” Lexa asked in a whisper, her throat tightening at the thought.
“Lex you can’t be serious. You’re amazing and beautiful and I-I don’t care about what people could say about us as long as I got you in my life.”
“So why Clarke? Why does it take you so much time to tell them?”
“I don’t know.” Clarke admitted, looking at her feet.
“Look, I think it’d be better for both of us if we stopped the things between us.”
“No please Lex!”
“You don’t make an effort Clarke, and I’m tired of hiding because you can’t find the courage to tell your friends you’re dating me!”
“Please, please, please I’ll tell them I swear, but don’t break up with me! I swear the four months with you were the happiest of my life, I can’t bear being apart from you, please Lex!”
Lexa didn’t say anything. The brunette was making the pros and cons in her head. She was thinking about how many times the blonde told her that and didn’t do it, how many times she would make fun of her with her friends because of her behavior. She was interrupted in her thinking by her sister entering the room.
“Hey girls sorry for disturbing you, I just wanted to know if Clarke would be staying for dinner?”
Clarke looked at Lexa, pleading the brunette to forgive her with her eyes. She could see on the girl’s face that she wasn’t sure anymore, and it made Clarke want to cry. But she didn’t let anything appear anyway, preferring to save her dignity if the brunette wanted to dismiss her.
On the other hand, Lexa was really trying to say no to Clarke. She was tired and hurt by the blonde’s behavior. But she couldn’t help the strong feelings that tied her to the blonde, so in the end, the blonde’s puppy face succeeded to make her heart melt. She took her time though, waiting a few minutes, as if she hadn’t made her choice the second her sister had entered the room, and nodded towards the blonde. This made Clarke smile widely and the blonde couldn’t help exclaiming a yes to the brunette’s sister.
“Okay, great! Dinner will be ready in half an hour!” Anya exclaimed while leaving the room.
The second the door closed, the second Clarke wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, squeezing the brunette’s body tightly and pressing their bodies together. She took advantage of their position to breathe in the brunette’s hair, enjoying the scent she found there. After a few seconds in the hug, Clarke broke the silence.
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, I think we've established that.” Lexa replied with a lopsided smile.
Clarke shoved the girl in the shoulder and kissed her quickly on the lips. The kiss heated up quickly and the two girls found themselves panting for air in the middle of the room.
“I love you.” Clarke stated with awe in her eyes. “I love every part of you.” she said, deposing a kiss on the brunette’s chin. “From your stupid jokes,” she kissed her lips again. “including your sexy glasses,” she deposed a kiss on her nose. “to your beautiful mind.” she finished pressing her lips on the brunette’s forehead, making the brunette shiver at all the love she was surrounded with.
“I love you too.”
“Yeah?” Clarke asked, putting a strand of Lexa’s hair behind her ear.
“Yeah.”
The two girls kissed again, protected from the world by the privacy of the apartment and the dark of the night.
***
Three days later, Clarke found herself storming in the dorm, practically breaking the door while doing so. She came the second she received a text from Raven urging her to come over. She was expecting something serious, but knowing her friends and their way to always amplify things, she didn't think it would be something horrendous. Still, she ran in the campus because Clarke Griffin was really fond of gossip; but at the sight of one of her closest friend sobbing on her bed, the devilish smile on the blonde's face faded away.
“O? What’s happening?” she asked Raven, quickly understanding that the brunette wasn't in the state to answer.
“Lincoln dumped her.” Raven stated while caressing the girl’s back.
Clarke furrowed her brows. “How’s that he dumped her?”
“O and Lincoln are not dating anymore.”
“I heard that Ray, but why? I mean he just dumped her like that?” she asked trying to whisper, knowing the brunette wouldn’t want to hear her questions.
“Yeah like a shit.” Octavia replied, crying while doing it. “All of this because of that fucking Lexa!”
These words made Clarke’s heart skip a beat. Of all the possible break up‘s reasons, Lexa was the last she was expecting.
“What did she do?” Clarke asked, worried about the turn of events.
“This stupid bitch! She is Lincoln’s cousin.”
Clarke couldn’t help clenching her jaw at the way Octavia was talking about her girlfriend. She had made the pros and cons the whole week-end with Lexa, and they arrived to the conclusion that she had to tell them this week. But with the new events, Clarke couldn’t do it without causing a drama in their friendship. She couldn’t help feeling angry with the brunette, because the girl knew too well that Octavia would hate her if she pushed her boyfriend to dump her. But in the same time she was feeling completely lost, she didn’t know Lincoln was Lexa’s cousin, and the thought of being taken for the dumb one irritated her even more. She started texting her girlfriend while trying to think about the situation, which really was complicated giving the sobbing noises Octavia was making.
Clarke: Lexa Woods you’re in trouble!
Bae: What? Why?
Bae: Is it a way to tell me that I’m going to get laid tonight? :P
Clarke: Absolutely not.
Bae: So what then?
Clarke: Lincoln broke up with O.
Bae: Why should I worry about that?
Clarke: Because I can’t tell them about us if they hate you more than before!
“And?” she finally dared asking, silently prying for her girlfriend’s innocence.
“He said he dumped me because of her! He said that he couldn’t date someone who bullied his cousin!” Octavia exclaimed, a vein pulsing furiously on her forehead.
“What?!” Raven, who had been quiet for a few minutes, yelled in the room.
“But you didn’t bully her, right?” Clarke asked, worry rising in her chest.
“No! Of course not!” Octavia exclaimed, looking at Clarke with torpedo ready to be launched in the eyes. “I mean I just did what we always do to her.” the brunette added, looking at her hands.
“In other words?” Clarke asked, starting to understand where this was going.
“I just bumped her when we walked into class, nothing more!”
“You what?”
“Why are you acting like you’re surprised, you do that too!” Octavia replied angrily.
“Yeah Clarke, we started doing this because you said she was insufferable and that she was looking bad at you!” Raven added, looking incredulously at the blonde.
“I did not-it’s not…”
Raven looked at her suspiciously, but as she was going to say what she had in mind, Octavia wiggled and squealed on the bed.
“Lincoln texted me!”
“What did he say?”
“He wants to talk to me, he says that he gets carry away!”
Bae: I talked to Lincoln.
Clarke: I know, can I come over?
Bae: Sure.
Clarke: I’ll be there in 15 minutes
Clarke: Love you!
“That’s great! Well I think we don’t have anything to do here now. Right Clarke?”
“Yeah, yeah of course.” she replied, looking desperately at her phone screen, waiting for it to light up. When it did, she couldn’t help her face to contort in a kind of grimace. She took a few seconds to re-read the text and to regain her composure before typing an answer. She was so into her conversation with Lexa that she didn’t even notice the way Raven was looking at her, suspicion wrapped all over her face.
Bae: Okay.
Clarke: Babe, are you mad at me?
Bae: A bit.
Clarke: Why?
Bae: We’ll talk about it when you’ll be there.
Clarke: Okay :)
“Well bitches I’m moving now, I have a test tomorrow and since there's no more drama I think I can go the mind free!”
“Yeah of course, bye Clarkey!” Octavia said without raising her eyes from her phone.
Clarke looked at Raven, who was staring at her with narrowed eyes, and said a quiet bye to the brunette before heading to Lexa’s.
She couldn’t help feeling anxious the whole way to the brunette’s home, and as she knocked on the door, she thought about a way to make it up to her.
Lexa opened the door slowly, as if she was afraid of what she would see in the other side, and the action seemed to last one hour for Clarke, whereas it lasted just a few seconds.
“Hey.” she tried to say casually, but the words sounded weird in her mouth.
Lexa seemed to understand her stress, because Clarke saw a flash of recognition in the brunette’s eyes.
“Look Clarke, I’m not that mad at you.”
“Thank God!” the blonde sighed, exhaling a breath she didn’t know she was holding.
“But I’m mad.”
“Yes but you're not breaking up with me!” the blonde exclaimed with a smile.
“No I'm not.” Lexa said, chuckling at her girlfriend’s antics.
Clarke smiled goofily and pecked her girlfriend before entering the small apartment. Lexa closed the door behind her and turned over, looking at her girlfriend, who was staring at her like she was going to eat her out. She didn’t say anything about it and seated on the sofa instead, inviting Clarke to do the same by tapping on the place next to her. The blonde complied and looked at the brunette expectantly, while trying not to be too attracted by her girlfriend.
“I didn’t like the way you talked to me by text.”
“Why?” Clarke asked, her eyes traveling from the girl’s eyes to her plump lips.
“Clarke, I need you to be focused!”
“I am!” the blonde replied, licking her lips when her eyes reached the brunette’s chest.
“No you’re not.” Lexa stated, riding up her shirt.
“How can you expect me to be serious when you look so hot?” Clarke asked, trying to rehabilitate herself.
Lexa puffed and crossed her arms on her chest. “It’s always the same with you.” she mumbled.
“I’m sorry, please go ahead. Why are you mad at me?”
“Because you were all about 'why I told Lincoln about Octavia being mean at me', and it never occurred to you that maybe he was doing the right thing?”
Clarke furrowed her brows.
“He was doing what you don’t have the courage to do.”
“I’ve already told you that I won’t choose between you and my friends.”
“I’m not asking you anything like that, Clarke!”
“So what then?”
“I want you to protect me! I’m your girlfriend, I was expecting that dating you would stop the whole 'bullying the know-it-all is funny'!”
“Oh come on, they're not bullying you!”
“Seriously?”
Clarke didn’t say anything, she was trying to figure out where the conversation was going and the answer didn’t appeal to her.
“Well if they’re not, why did you stop to do it when we started dating?” Clarke looked at her, blank in her head, so Lexa continued. “Why am I so anxious to walk in the university halls?” Clarke felt her throat tightening at the image of Lexa’s anxiousness.
“Why am I crying every Thursday night?” Lexa asked, her voice trembling with emotion.
“You didn’t cry last time.” the blonde mumbled, her throat tightening even more after Lexa’s confession.
“I didn’t because you were there.” Lexa stated, making the blonde gulping her saliva, which was really painful for Clarke.
Lexa noticed, but she didn’t want the blonde to get away with it, not this time.
“And why did you grab my hand when I started talking about bullying in the first place?” she asked, giving the coup de grâce to the blonde.
Clarke followed her girlfriend’s eye and saw that she was effectively squeezing the brunette’s hand to the point that her own hand was white with the force of her grip. She released it quickly and stood from the sofa. She could feel her heart beating in her chest, her head spinning and her hands shaking.
“Clarke!” Lexa was now in front of her. She didn’t see her moving, but she could see now that she was looking at her that worry clearly marked on her face. “Clarke please talk to me!”
“I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t know-I.” she took a deep breath before looking into the eyes she first fell for. “I’m so sorry Lex.” she said, tears sliding on her face.
“It’s okay, you didn’t know.” Lexa said while erasing the tears that were streaming on her lover’s face.
“It’s not an excuse, I should have known.” Clarke continued, her heart squeezing. “And to say the truth, I think I knew what they were doing to you because…”
“Because?” Lexa asked, trying to calm her girlfriend by wrapping her arms around her and pulling the girl’s head in the crook of her neck.
“Because they’ve been doing it because of me…” the blonde said sheepishly.
“How’s that because of you?” Lexa said, tightening her embrace.
“Because I kind of had a crush on you the second you passed by me...”
“Yeah I know that.” Lexa smiled lightly in the blonde’s hair.
“But you didn’t pay attention to me. Worst, you were acting like a bitch to me and, uh, I couldn’t talk about it because Raven was completely devastated with the whole Finn thing.”
Lexa raised her eyebrows, a serious look plastered on her face, but didn’t say anything.
“So I found the only way to talk about you every day without triggering attention, and this way may involve that I criticized you.” she admitted. “Like a lot.” she added carefully.
Silence filled the room. It was the first time Clarke told Lexa about why her best friends were acting like fools with her and why she didn’t want them to know about their relationship. She could see in her girlfriend’s eyes that she wasn’t really enjoying what she was hearing. Lexa released Clarke and stared at her quietly before speaking.
“So you’re telling me that if you and your friends have been bullying me since the beginning of school year it’s because you had a crush on me, but you didn’t want to hurt your friends' feelings? And what do you do with mine Clarke?”
“I know and I’m sorry okay? I’ve never met someone like you. You were so different from the people I used to have a crush on and I was scared! But trust me I never meant to hurt you or your feelings, I didn’t know it would be going so far!”
Lexa couldn’t believe it. Of all the reasons she thought about Clarke’s behavior, she would never have imagined such a thing. She was completely stunned by the blonde’s revelation and she couldn’t help being distraught because of it. She felt like she didn’t know the person she had in front of her; she felt like she was seeing someone else from the Clarke she fell in love with, and God knows how much she hated it. She took a few steps backwards and stared deadly at the blonde.
“Lex please don’t be mad, I’m going to arrange this!”
“The thing is I don’t know if I want it to be arranged.
“No you can’t say that!”
“Clarke give me some time alone, I need time to think.” Lexa stated, her brows furrowed.
“But I-”
“I’m just asking time and it’s already too much for you? After all the time I gave you, you can’t let me by myself for a while when I’m asking for it?”
“Yes, of course I can.” Clarke said, resignation obvious in her voice.
“Good.” Lexa stated.
She moved to the door and opened it for Clarke. “Now please leave.”
“Okay, I… good bye Lexa.” Clarke said while getting out of the apartment.
“Good bye Clarke.” Lexa responded coldly.
She closed the door firmly, making it hit with a thud.
“I love you.” Clarke said quietly once the door was closed.
The blonde sighed deeply before passing her hand in her hair. She left the building quickly, and once outside she headed to the back alley. When she reached it, she hit the wall with her closed fists several times. She was crying and screaming while hitting the surface. She did this until her hands were too hurting for her to continue, and she sat on the ground with her hair plastered on her face because of the amount of tears that were streaming on it.
“I’m a fucking idiot.” she said before hitting the ground with her right hand. She didn’t really know how long she stayed like this, hitting the ground and crying like a fool, but her vision became blurred. She looked at herself to see that her hands were dripping of blood and that the red liquid was present all over the wall and the ground. The vision made her head spinning even more and she started to lose consciousness.
“Clarke? Oh my fucking God! What happened?!”
She didn’t see who was speaking, but the voice comforted her enough to pull her back in the real world.
***
Clarke was painting in the art room. She loved spending time in the area, breathing deeply in the paint scent. People would think it was a curious habit except for Clarke. To her, it was like a warm smell enveloping her, reminiscent of her beautiful moments. She was currently struggling with her last sketch, and she was so into her work that she didn’t hear someone had walked into the room.
“Gah I won’t manage to reproduce this fucking green!” she exclaimed, slamming the paintbrush she was holding on the table. She turned over angrily and jumped when she saw that she wasn’t alone. Anxiety raised quickly when she realized that of all the people in the university, the person interrupting her had to be Lexa.
The brunette didn’t say anything. She just walked forward into the room, taking a glance at Clarke’s work as if she was entranced by the painting. After a few seconds she broke the silence though, looking straightly at Clarke with a sort of kindness the blonde didn’t expect to be rewarded with.
“You've painted me?”
It wasn’t really a question, but Clarke didn’t seem to notice though, and started justifying her “crime”.
“What?” she asked before turning her head towards the painting. “Oh no it’s just a stupid thing I've tried today!”
“You seemed to be very focused for something that stupid.”
“It’s just a brunette girl, nothing more.” Clarke stated, faking a laugh which got stuck in her throat.
Lexa didn’t respond, her only answer was to raise her eyebrows.
“Oh please stop being so over yourself!” Clarke exclaimed, narrowing her eyes at her and turning over to fake working on the painting.
Lexa took a few steps forward until she was shoulder to shoulder with Clarke. The action made the blonde gulp her saliva, and she couldn’t help glancing at the brunette’s lips before she spoke again.
“She's wearing the same top I had on last week. She's the same haircut, and isn't it my necklace?”
The enumeration of elements confirming Lexa’s theory made Clarke blush furiously. She felt a mix of shame and tension raise in her chest, and she couldn’t help being completely incapable of denying anything.
“Is it a new prank from you and your stupid friends?” Lexa asked, now looking at her.
The blonde stopped breathing at the feeling of green eyes piercing her soul.
“What?” she said like she was awaking from a trance. “No no no it’s not a prank, I would never do that to you!”
Lexa looked at her with narrowed eyes but didn’t say anything.
“So you just painted me like that? There's no reason behind it?”
“No.” Clarke mumbled quietly, a blush appearing on her face again.
Lexa made a hum as if she was weighing Clarke’s sincerity. The blonde didn’t know what to do or what to add, she just felt like a complete idiot. So she just stayed there, watching Lexa looking at the painting she made of her. She didn’t know why, but somehow anxiety reduced a bit.
“I could pose for you.” the brunette said out of the blue.
Clarke couldn't tell if it was the warmth of the room or her eyes betraying her, but a fine shade of pink seemed to appear on Lexa’s cheeks when she spoke. When the girl realized she wouldn't get an answer from Clarke, she backtracked quickly.
“You know what forget it, it was a stupid idea.”
Lexa gave Clarke a last glance before walking towards the exit. She didn’t make it to the door though, as Clarke gripped her wrist.
“Wait!”
She turned over slowly, not knowing what the blonde was about to say.
“I’d like to have you as a model.”
“Oh okay.”
Clarke run her hand through her hair. “Uh we should, you know, schedule our meetings.” she said, looking at everything but Lexa.
“Yeah okay. I’m free every week at this time. How much would you pay me?”
“What? Oh right you want money of course I…” she stuttered dumbly.
“Clarke, I’m messing with you.” Lexa said with a smirk.
The blonde looked at her with her eyes opened widely and her mouth agape.
That was all it took for the two girls to make the first step into their love path. They saw each other every week, and as the time went by their relationship evolved pretty quickly. They found themselves in a kind of comfort that they were willing to find weekly.
“Hey.”
“Hey. You’re late today.” Clarke couldn’t help herself to remark.
“Yeah, I was busy with a project.” Lexa said with a lopsided smile.
“What kind of project?” Clarke asked, removing some paint off her hands.
“It’s just a thing I have to do in law class.” Lexa stated while removing her vest.
“Oh the group project? O told me about that. She said it’s horrendous because she’s with dumb people.”
“Why? Because they're not willing to do all the work?” Lexa asked sarcastically.
Clarke didn’t pick her remark up. Instead she tried to make some conversation, knowing how much Lexa didn’t appreciate her friend.
“What about you? How does it work for you?”
“Good, Costia and I are making a great team.” Lexa replied with a dreamy smile.
The mention of the girl and the way Lexa did it made Clarke’s heart clench. Even though they weren’t together and their relationship wasn’t at that point at the moment, she couldn’t help being jealous just imagining Lexa with someone else.
“Costia?” she asked, trying not to sound too interested.
“She’s a… friend.”
Clarke’s heart broke at these words “Oh, so the two of you are dating. It’s great, I’m happy for you.” she said, disillusion clear in her voice.
She tried not to cry but the perspective of Lexa being happy with someone else caused too much pain for her to endure.
“Wow relax Clarke, really Costia's just a friend.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’m not dating anyone.” she stated, carefully studying the blonde’s reaction. “Are you?” she added slowly, before gulping her saliva.
“I don’t have anyone either.” she replied, unsure of the whole point of the conversation.
"Okay.” Lexa said sharply, closing the discussion. At least that's what she thought, because Clarke wanted to know more.
“And you don’t have a crush on someone?” Clarke asked.
“No.”
“Oh.” Clarke said, visibly disappointed.
“Can we start now? I have some papers to work on.”
“Yeah of course.” Clarke turned over, grabbing some things from the stool she wanted Lexa to sit on. “Let me just…here we go.”
Lexa stayed without moving and looked at Clarke. “Where do you want me?”
The question made Clarke blush instantly. She didn’t find the force to answer, so she just gestured to Lexa to sit on the stool, and quickly made her way to her canvas.
After that, they didn’t really talk, apart from Clarke making some comments about Lexa’s pose. It was two hours later that she broke the silence to finally stop the session.
“Well I think it’s enough for today.” She took a last glance at her work before wiping her face with her hand, putting black pigment all over her face. This made Lexa chuckle before she walked towards Clarke. The action caused the blonde to look at her with an incredulous glare, and the more Lexa was approaching, the more Clarke felt anxiety rising in her chest. When Lexa was just a few inches away from Clarke, she stopped abruptly.
“You have soft-lead pencil on your face.” she said, a smile in her voice and pointing at Clarke’s face.
She took a tissue from her pocket and started wiping the marks on the blonde’s face. Clarke didn’t dare moving a muscle. At this distance, she could see all the shades of green in the girl’s eyes. Her skin was burning at each touch of the brunette’s hand, and Clarke couldn’t help being incredibly attracted to the girl’s plump lips.
“Here you go.” Lexa stated casually, as if she wasn’t aware of the blonde’s struggle to keep herself together.
She wasn’t though, until she made eye contact with Clarke. The blonde saw the smirk on Lexa’s face drop, and caught the girl’s look traveling from her face to her mouth. Clarke didn’t have time to be happy about it or to register anything before Lexa’s lips were on hers. The kiss was soft and sweet. Clarke enjoyed every second of it, and when Lexa moved apart from her, she couldn’t help searching for the brunette’s touch she had been craving for weeks. She thought that the girl would leave immediately, mentioning some dumb excuses to run away, but she didn’t. Instead, at the end of the kiss, Lexa put her forehead against Clarke's and smiled before nipping at her bottom lip.
“I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while.”
“Yeah?” Clarke asked while putting a strand of Lexa’s hair behind her ear. “And what pushed you to do it?”
“I don’t know, maybe all the dirt on your face.” Lexa replied with a smirk.
She moved away from Clarke and started putting away her things to leave.
Clarke was still looking at her from the place she stood with Lexa a few seconds ago. “I thought it would be because of my famous charms.” she said with a dumb smile plastered on her face.
“What charms?” Lexa asked, seriously turning over. She had now her vest on and she was looking at Clarke with a stern expression.
“I-uh.”
“I don’t like you because of your physique if it’s your question.” Lexa replied seriously.
“You like me?” Clarke asked dumbly. Lexa’s words made her heart beat quickly, she couldn’t help smiling like an idiot at the thought of Lexa liking her.
“Oh please Clarke.” Lexa sighed with a lopsided smile.
“What? I’m sorry to tell you that, but you’re not that obvious. Plus, I’ve been a royal bitch to you.”
“Oh come on Clarke, you were looking at me with fucking puppy eyes each time you were acting like a bitch.” Lexa stated while walking towards the blonde.
“I was not.” Clarke denied, crossing her arms on her chest.
“Yeah of course you weren’t.”
“Shut up.”
“Oh please Clarke.” Lexa said with a huge smile now. Clarke didn’t answer and turned her head towards the window.
“Okay you’re pouting.”
Lexa put her bag on the floor before crossing the few inches that separated them, and kissed Clarke’s lips slightly. Clarke couldn’t help moving her head forward to chase the brunette’s lips.
“You’re still pouting?”
Clarke didn’t reply, she contented herself by nodding slightly, like a child asking for a magic kiss.
Lexa obliged and pressed her lips on the blonde's, but she didn’t expect Clarke to wrap her arms around her. Now that she was in her arms, the blonde didn’t let her go and started kissing her deeply before moving her lips to a way better place: Lexa’s neck. She deposed kisses all over her skin, breathing deeply in Lexa’s scent and savoring the moment she had been dreaming of for weeks.
“So you and Lexa?” Raven said while wiping the blood on Clarke’s hands.
Clarke got out of her daydreaming session and looked at her friend with her red puffy eyes.
“I don’t know if there's still a me and Lexa.”
Raven didn’t say anything. She continued her ministration while looking at Clarke with a compassionate look.
“What happened?” the brunette asked, insisting on the blonde’s knuckles.
“I told her why you and… I were acting like bitches with her. And why I couldn’t tell you I was dating her.”
“And I suppose she didn’t like the reasons.” Raven stated, pushing some hair from Clarke’s face.
“No.” Clarke whispered, tears forming in her eyes.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Nothing I guess. She asked some time to think and the least I can do is to give it to her.”
“You’re stupid you know that?”
Clarke looked up to see her friend standing in front of her, her hands on her hips. Raven was glaring at her and all the blonde could do was to look at her incredulously.
“You’re clearly in love with this girl.”
Clarke opened her mouth to talk but Raven interrupted her.
“Look at you, Clarke. You think you lost her and you’re acting like a crazy person. And you must definitely be crazy if you think that O and I wouldn’t make an effort once we knew how you feel.”
“You’re such a big liar and you know that!” Clarke said, pain replaced by anger. “The two of you hate her more than anything, you keep insulting her and blaming her for existing even when she’s not there!”
“Wow Clarke calm down.” Raven put her hands on each side of Clarke’s face. “I’m talking for myself because I’m not in O’s head, but I don’t hate Lexa. If I was mean to her it's because I thought it was an outlet to you to express your resentment about Finn.”
“Oh God.” Clarke said to herself. “I’m so stupid.”
“I’m sorry to agree.” Raven stated with a small smile. “Come on Clarke, nothing is lost, she didn’t dump you, and even if she would have, I think she still loves you.”
“What do you know about Lexa’s feelings? Have you been secretly friend with her as well?” Clarke asked harshly, sarcasm burning her own tongue.
“Being mean with me won’t change what happened, Clarke. You can still arrange things with her if you fight for it.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to me, okay? I can’t fight for two.” Clarke sighed and lowered her head, making her hair fall over it and hiding her face from her friend.
“Of course you can Clarke!” Raven sat next to her. “She loves you, she just needs you to show her you feel the same way.” she added, caressing the blonde’s back.
“What if it’s not enough?” Clarke mumbled, not moving from the position she was into.
“Well you would've tried.” Clarke raised her head and looked at her with desperate eyes. “I’m sorry Clarkey, but your situation seems really complicated and I don’t want to give you fake hopes.”
“I know. I’m so stupid.” Clarke said, looking in front of her. She could see herself reflected in the washbasin. She saw the amount of black blood all over her skin and clothes. Her face was full of dried tears and leaked make up. She couldn’t help feeling how pathetic she was at this moment.
“No you’re not.” Clarke turned her face towards her friend with a stern expression. “Okay you are but you can arrange it.”
“Yeah you’re right.” the blonde said, a new vigor in her voice.
“What are you going to do?” Raven asked, a bit surprised by the blonde’s change of mind.
“First…” Clarke raised from the ground of the bathroom. “I have to tell Octavia how much I love her nemesis.”
“Good luck with that.” the brunette replied with a small chuckle. Clarke looked at her sternly, making the girl stop laughing.
Clarke wiped her face with water. She tried to remove all the evidence of the previous situation before going to her suicide mission. She stayed longer than necessary to calm the wave of anxiety that raised in her belly, and when she felt like what she did was enough, she cut the water and looked at herself in the mirror.
“Okay, let’s go.”
***
Clarke didn’t know if she could be more anxious than now. The perspective of telling Octavia about the secret relationship she had with the girl’s enemy since four months was overwhelming, and the insistent looks people were giving her on her way didn’t help at all. When Clarke reached the library, she took a deep breath before entering the place. She had insisted to go talk to Octavia alone, but as she was approaching her goal she regretted Raven’s presence. When she saw the brunette, sat in the back, a law book opened in front of her with her laptop next to it, Clarke wanted to escape. As she was standing in the middle of the library, looking at her friend with fear radiating in her body, she saw the brunette raising her head and looking straightly at her. The smile on the girl’s face wiped away quickly by a concerned expression. It was the clue for Clarke to walk towards her friend.
“Hey.” she said, trying not to show her anxiety.
“Clarke what happened to you?” Octavia quickly asked, going straight to the point.
“Nothing I just… I-”
“Clarke you have blood all over your top and your hands…” she grabbed Clarke’s forearm and inspected the blonde’s hand. “Oh God what happened to your hands?!”
“I came because I have to tell you something.”
Octavia looked up to her friend’s face. “What is it?”
Clarke didn’t want to do it like this. When she'd thought about how to tell her, she'd not planned to do it like this. Clarke wanted to do it slowly. She wanted to take her time and talk to the brunette in another place, without all the pairs of eyes scrutinizing them in case Octavia didn’t take the news too well. She wanted to think about every word that would escape her mouth, weigh them and maybe miraculously change their meaning for the brunette. Instead of 'I’m dating your worst enemy', it would came out like 'I’m really happy with the girl you had some quarrel with'. Clarke thought about that a lot. She had her whole speech ready, but as she was in front of her friend, the words stayed stuck in her throat and she found herself completely powerless. Clarke knew she was losing the battle before it even started, but she couldn’t find the courage to tell Octavia. So she did though, but as she clenched her fists to accept her defeat, she felt a violent pain radiating all over her hands. This pain was a reminder of an even more painful sensation: her heart breaking at Lexa’s rejection. The perspective of losing Lexa for real mixed with the feeling of guilt, and the blonde pronounced the words she thought she wouldn’t dare say.
“I’m in love with Lexa Woods.”
It lasted five minutes. Octavia was stunned. Her eyes opened widely, looking at her friend with incomprehension plastered all over her face. They stayed like this for five minutes, Octavia waiting for Clarke to backward and Clarke waiting for the brunette to say something, a stern expression on the face and only her fragile blue eyes betraying her fear.
“You what?” Octavia finally asked, realizing the blonde wasn’t joking.
“I’m in love with Lexa.”
“I heard that.” Octavia said sharply.
“So why are you asking?”
“Because I was hoping I heard wrong.” Octavia stated harshly. “Of all the people, Clarke, all of them, you had to date the only person I can’t stand.”
“I didn’t chose to fall in love O!”
“Oh please Romeo don’t tell me it happened like this. You could've totally stopped it before it happened.”
“Why would I've done that? I like her, she's funny, kind and she understands me. Maybe you think it’s selfish, but I wasn’t going to lose a chance to be truly happy with someone like her.”
“Stop trying to give me the bad guy’s role here, you know what I feel about her. You want to date her go ahead, but don’t count on my benediction.”
“Why are you acting like this? She didn’t do anything wrong.”
“What? She’s insufferable, you told it yourself! Plus she’s the cause of my almost break-up with Linc! I don’t know what you like in her really, but it’s not my problem.”
“You've never tried to talk to her for real!”
Octavia grabbed her stuff and put it away in her bag.
“And she wasn’t the cause of your almost break-up with Lincoln.” Clarke made a quoting gest to emphasize her point. “You are. You are the bad guy because you are bullying her. Lexa didn’t tell her cousin you were a bitch, because she’s not like that and because she loved me! He heard about your behavior from everyone in this university. You don’t even hide yourself!”
At this point, Octavia stopped tidying her stuff, giving Clarke the opportunity to take a deep breath before talking again. “She’s so kind that when she heard that Lincoln broke up with you because of what you’d done, she convinced him to give you another chance!” Clarke was breathing heavily, anger filling her veins and muscles. She was ready to fight for Lexa no matter what.
“I love her O, and I’m sorry you can’t see her the way I do, but if you want us to stay friends, you’ll have to make an effort.”
Those were the last words Clarke told Octavia before leaving the library. She walked quickly, not paying attention to all the eyes staring at her, and escaped from the place, feeling Octavia’s glare burning her back all her way out.
Clarke: I told Raven and Octavia.
Clarke: I love you.
Her texts stayed unanswered, which didn’t surprise Clarke that much. Still, it didn’t prevent her from the pain she felt. The days flew by without any news from Lexa nor Octavia. Clarke would text Lexa every day, telling her how much she missed and loved her but would never get an answer. She knew she had to let her some space, but one night she couldn’t take it anymore and decided to call her so that she could hear her voice. The call ended up straightly to voicemail, and even though it wasn’t exactly what Clarke expected, Lexa’s electronic voice lulled her until she fell asleep.
She wasn’t feeling well with all this Lexa situation, but being abandoned by one of her best friends accentuated her despair even more. She didn’t know what to do or say to arrange things in her life. Her grads were falling and she practically didn’t go to class anymore. She was too focused on her phone anyway. She spent her time drawing and sketching every part of Lexa, but most of her time was consecrated to imagining how her life would have been if she hadn't been such a coward.
This behavior lasted a whole week, before Raven crashed in her dorm and pushed her to go out and live her life before making one with her bed. She washed and dressed herself under Raven’s order, and both of them made their way to the campus. They ate in the cafeteria, Raven telling her stories about her partners in lab: Monty and Jasper, who enjoyed just like her blowing things. Clarke even smiled one time, forgetting about the reality of her life for a few seconds. But life isn’t easy and if Clarke forgot about it for a bit, life took care of remembering it instantly.
She saw Lexa, her Lexa, laughing with a girl that was definitely not her. After a second of incomprehension, pain and anger quickly raised in her chest. Raven was still talking to her but all Clarke could hear was the pulse of her blood in her veins. She raised from her seat, ready to do God knows what, but at least something. She had to stop the girl from stealing her place at her girlfriend's side. She walked towards them, ready to fight for her girl, but was stopped in her track by a hard surface. She raised her head slowly to make eye contact with Anya.
“Don’t, Clarke.” Anya ordered.
Everything in Lexa’s sister was showing her resolution to not let the blonde talk to her sister.
Clarke looked at Lexa and the other girl she didn’t know but hated already, and then back to Anya. “But she is-”
“Laughing, which she hasn't done for a week.” Anya finished while looking at her sister.
Clarke felt jealousy radiating in her chest. “I’m-it’s my place.”
“Yes I know Clarke, but you lost the right to do this when she asked you some time, because you told her your friends were being jerks with her because of you!”
Clarke lowered her gaze.
“She just asked you to tell your friends. If you really love her like you say, you would have done it by now.”
Clarke raised her gaze to make eye contact with Anya, finding a new vigor.
“I’ve told them about my relationship with her!”
“Right, like every time you said you did.” Anya sighed deeply. “Look, Clarke, I think it would be better for both of you if you stopped trying to come back into her life.”
“But I…” Clarke looked at Lexa who was smiling and completely unaware of the conversation that was happening a few feets away. “Love her.”
“I’m sorry Clarke. Take care.” Anya said with a sad smile before leaving Clarke standing in the middle of the cafeteria.
“Wow she’s something else.” she heard Raven say.
She hadn’t realized the girl was standing beside her before she spoke. It wasn’t as if something had happened, but Clarke could clearly feel her heart break a second time. Well more the last pieces of her heart that she was desperately trying to put back together without Lexa’s love to stick it. She turned on her heels, leaving Raven standing alone and headed to her dorm, because all she wanted was to be alone.
On her way home, Clarke thought about Anya’s words. She was right and she knew it. She didn’t deserve Lexa, she didn’t deserve the girl’s love and she had to accept that before learning that Lexa was in love with someone else. When she reached the dorm, she shut her phone before crawling on her bed and crying widely. Lexa was trying to forget her and she wasn’t going to stop her. Not when she knew that the girl deserved so much better than what she had been able to give her. She was completely distraught at the thought of someone having Lexa’s love, but it didn’t prevent her from feeling her best friend sitting on the bed next to her. She felt Raven caressing her scalp quietly, leaving her enough space to unleash all her pain in her pillow.
After a while, Clarke calmed a bit and turned her face full of tears towards her friend.
“It’s over.” she mumbled between two sobs.
Raven looked at the blonde incredulously. “What?”
“Me and Lexa, it’s over.” Clarke insisted, playing with her sleeve.
Raven furrowed her brows. “Why are you saying that? Is that what the tall girl said?”
“No, but-”
“So is that what Lexa said?”
“No. Well I don’t know but she deserves so much better than me.”
Raven sighed deeply. “You do whatever you want Clarke, I thought that your love for this girl was worth quarrel with one of your best friend, but maybe it wasn't actually.”
“What are you saying?”
Raven raised from the bed. “I’m saying that if you’re not willing to fight for her and your relationship, you shouldn’t have told Octavia!”
“I had to!” Clarke replied, a pleading expression on her face.
“And why?”
“Because I love her!”
Clarke closed her eyes. “I love her.” she repeated more to herself than for Raven to hear.
“So?” Raven crossed her arms on her chest. “She loves you too, she barely refutes lecturers now.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
Clarke couldn’t help the mix between pain and warm at the thought of Lexa not feeling well because of the distance between them.
“I know it can sound stupid, but I thought that telling you and O would be enough.”
Raven sat beside Clarke’s body again.
“Clarke.” She caressed the blonde’s hair slowly.
“I know.” Clarke looked at the window. “She doesn’t believe me anyway.”
“Prove her she’s wrong.”
She turned her head towards Raven. “How? I’m not good with words, you know that.”
“Come on Clarke, you’re the most creative person I know, you’ll find something!” Raven raised from the bed again. “I have to go to class now. Good luck.” She pressed a soft kiss on Clarke’s forehead and left the girl alone in her dorm.
Clarke leaned on her bed and thought about what she was going to do to get Lexa back. After minutes of waiting, inspiration hit her. Clarke would do the only thing she knew had an effect on the brunette.
“Clarke you’re a genius!” she exclaimed in the empty dorm, a fist in the air.
***
Clarke had thought a lot about how she was going to proceed. First, she needed to take back control over her life. She had tidied her room, making her thoughts clearer. She had texted a long message to Octavia, telling her that she was sorry for being harsh but that she didn’t know how to tell her the truth. Truth that hurt her because she didn’t know if Lexa was still up to be with her.
Now that everything was done, she needed to focus on her aim: Lexa’s heart. On Monday, Clarke went to class as if nothing happened. She took her place and tried to focus on the lecturer and not on the beating in her chest. She made it through the day and at the end of her last class, she quickly grabbed her stuff before heading to Lexa’s class. Anxiety raised in her chest at the thought of Lexa getting out of class before she could do what she had to. When she arrived in front of a closed door, stress erased itself quickly and Clarke sighed in relief, before pinning up one of the drawings she had been working on the whole week-end on the wall across the door. It was a drawing of Lexa walking in the campus. Everything around the brunette was tern except for Lexa, who was like a light in the darkness. Behind the drawing, Clarke had written the legend “The first time I saw you.” Clarke smiled dreamily at this day’s memory but jumped back when she saw the door opening and students getting out of the room.
She was tempted to take a look inside the room so that she could see Lexa, admire her face and deep green eyes, breathe her scent when she would walk by her… but it would risk her plan to fall apart. So Clarke contented herself with the knowledge of Lexa’s presence in the next room and walked quickly in the hall, moving with the horde of students, her heart pounding in her chest. She didn’t turn over until she was in her dorm, making sure that she wouldn’t cross the brunette’s path.
She didn’t see Lexa’s reaction, but Raven stormed in her dorm, telling her that she made Lexa blush in front of the whole university. Clarke knew it wasn’t enough at this point, but she couldn’t help being pleased by Raven’s exaggeration. Knowing that everybody had seen Lexa blush because of something she'd made was a way to show her “holding” over the brunette, and Clarke loved that.
Clarke didn't stop her actions: for two weeks she drew, crafted, sculpted memories she had with Lexa, and found a way to give it to her. She would put it on the brunette’s desk, in her locker, in her bag or in her voicemail. She was doing everything she could to show her love to the brunette without being too intrusive. She was doing such a good job that she never saw Lexa the whole time. The only information she had were coming from Raven, who was enjoying seeing Lexa uncomfortable.
However, on Friday, Clarke couldn’t help herself when she hid in the closet of the room Lexa always reserved for herself in the library. She was really anxious about her gift, a blue crane she'd made in origami to symbolize herself. She had written:
“Car Honte et Peur sont entrées en moi, /Cause Shame and Fear have entered in me,
Qui me font trembler et frémir, /Making me shivering and quavering,
Douce dame, quand je vous vois, /Sweet lady, when I see you,
Mon coeur ne sait que devenir. /My heart doesn’t know what to become.” knowing Lexa’s love for the French tongue.
The girl arrived on time and Clarke couldn’t stop her heart from doing stupid things. It started to pound so loudly, she thought Lexa was going to hear it. Lexa moved quietly into the room and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the crane on the table. She looked around her and walked carefully towards the table where the crane was. She took it in her hands, inspecting it quietly with a lopsided smile. She furrowed her brows when she seemed to remark the inscription Clarke had left on it. She looked at it for a long time before sighing deeply. Suddenly, Lexa walked to the trash and threw the crane in it before storming out of the room.
Clarke wasn’t expecting this, she was taken aback by the girl’s reaction. It was such a shock for her that she couldn’t cry or feel anything. She stayed stunned in the closet for a few minutes before deciding to leave it. She was going to get out of it when she saw Lexa coming back quicker than when she left. The blonde hold her breath and saw Lexa taking the crane in the trash and bringing it to her heart with her eyes closed. Then the brunette put the gift carefully in her bag as if it was a sacred item. She left the room immediately after, leaving Clarke breathing out in relief.
She took a few seconds to think about what just happened. She couldn’t help smiling goofily. The single gesture of Lexa bringing her gift to her heart made a huge wave of warm travel in her chest. Lexa still had feelings for her and what she was doing pleased the brunette.
On Monday afternoon, Clarke decided to go to the art room to prepare some of the pieces she was going to give Lexa during the week. She was deep in her thoughts, filling an easel with a drawing of Lexa. She was doing the eyes, trying to put all their intensity in the drawing, mixing the different colors to bring enough light in it.
As she was adding more green to the mix, she heard footsteps behind in the hall, but didn’t pay much attention about it. It was when the footsteps became closer that Clarke realized who it was.
“What are you painting?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Clarke replied a bit harshly. She couldn’t help being anxious at what the brunette was doing in the art room. It had been way too long since Lexa was there and she was afraid of the events to come.
Lexa didn’t pick her ton up though, and for only response, sat on a table next to her.
They stayed silent for a while, Clarke painting and desperately trying to hide her stress while she could sense the brunette’s look on her. After a while, Lexa broke the silence though but kept on looking at Clarke.
“You told them.”
At this moment, Clarke looked back at her. She was surprised by the brunette’s statement and didn’t know what to say. It took her a moment before she replied to the brunette.
“Yes. I told you that.” she stated carefully.
Lexa smiled softly. “Yeah but you really told them.”
Clarke put her paintbrush down and moved towards the brunette.
“You believe me?”
Lexa was looking at Clarke straight in the eyes, the intensity of her look making the blonde’s heart beat even faster than before. “Your text? No. But I believe Octavia.”
Clarke furrowed her brows. “Octavia? She told you she knew?”
“Kind of, yeah.”
“Wait what?”
Lexa had a lopsided smile by now. “A guy was bothering me at the library on Saturday morning and Octavia came from nowhere telling him to shut the fuck up and to stop talking to her best friend’s girlfriend like that.” Lexa exclaimed, trying to imitate the brunette’s demeanor.
Clarke couldn’t help chuckling at the brunette’s antics before becoming serious again. She took a deep breath before moving to be face to face with Lexa.
“I know I wasn’t the girlfriend you wanted me to be, but I swear Lexa I’ll spend my life making it up to you, if you could just give me a second chance to prove it to you.”
Lexa opened her mouth to answer but Clarke shut her with her fingers.
“I love you Lex, like I never thought I would in my entire life, and I’m so sorry to not have shown it to you like I should've. You’re an amazing person and an amazing girlfriend and I’m-”
She was shut by Lexa’s lips on hers. The kiss was a liberation for the two loving souls that were desperately separated by two brains tired of fighting their attraction. It was an evidence for them that they couldn’t live without each other, and now that the combat was over, they would finally enjoy breathing freely.
“I missed you so much.” Lexa moaned between two kisses.
This statement caused the blonde to remove herself from the kiss.
“Really?” Clarke asked with a small voice.
“Yeah.” Lexa said, her eyes and her voice filled with love for the blonde that stole her heart at first sight. She removed a strand of hair from Clarke’s face and kissed her lips. They kissed for a while, enjoying the other’s presence and trying to catch up with the two weeks they had spent separated from one another.
“I love you.” Lexa stated softly.
“I love you too, babe.” Clarke caressed Lexa’s face with her thumb. “I’m sorry for hurting you all this time, I want to make amend for my stupid behavior.”
“It’s okay Clarke, I-I understand.”
Clarke looked at Lexa, her heart aching for the brunette, and she couldn’t help feeling like a monster for not having told her friends before.
“Do you want to go somewhere?”
Lexa seemed to be surprised by her question and stayed quiet with a frown on her face. So Clarke did what she knew she should have done a long time ago: she took the brunette’s hand in hers and started leading her towards the exit.
“Clarke what are you doing? We can’t!”
Clarke turned her head towards Lexa and answered with a grin.
“I’m doing what should be done. I love you Lex, and I want everybody to know that.”
Lexa smiled back at Clarke and the two girls walked until they reached the building doors. They didn’t met anybody the whole way to the door and stopped just before opening it.
“Are you ready?” Clarke asked, anxiety rising quickly in her chest.
“I’ve always been ready, Clarke. Are you?”
Clarke pecked her on the lips before opening the door quickly. The two girls were blinded by the sunlight that seemed to expose them to the world. They smiled to each other before Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand and pulled her towards the light.
It was the end of a journey for a love that only lived under the moon’s eyes, and that could now bright in the light of the sun.