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There was a game that became popular with the arrival of those orphans. It began on a boring autumn day, when the kids discovered that it wasn’t too hard to convince those three to play with them.
The rules were simple.
The first rule: those with red eyes were best suited to be the oni.
Kousuke was the fastest runner out of the three and cried too easily, so he was always made to count to one hundred before allowing to take a step. Shuuya sometimes made garbled faces if you scared him and Tsubomi was the creepiest out of them with the way she appeared like a ghost. You got bonus points if you startled the boys, but Tsubomi was the true oni out of them. You had to be careful or she’d grab you when you aren’t looking.
The second rule: don’t let the oni touch you at any cost.
Kicking was allowed. So were rocks. Throwing sticks at them was okay as long as it let you get away. You could even bring soybeans with you if you wanted. If you were touched by any one of them, you’d have to play a punishment game, like eating a bug.
And the most important rule: the game is only over when the oni catch everyone who plays.
The oni can’t quit or refuse an invitation, otherwise they’d receive a punishment. The oni must “eat” everyone, or the game will go on.
And, to the class’s pride, the oni have never won, letting the fun game stretch for weeks on end.
—-
"You aren’t allowed to open your eyes yet."
Tsubomi, with her hands bunching her skirt, kept her eyes closed. She could hear birds chirping around her and the sound of leaves crunching beneath their feet.
The usual group of students had gathered around her and her friends when school was let out. It was obvious they wanted to play again, but this time they insisted that she close her eyes and let them lead her. It’s a surprise! And she doesn’t want to ruin the surprise, right?
She couldn’t hear Kousuke’s stammering voice or Shuuya’s cheerful jokes. Earlier, she had, but the other students seemed to have led them away, separating them.
"Are you peeking?"
Quickly, Tsubomi shook her head. One of the girls—Reina, she could tell by that haughty tone—knocked her on the forehead. “If you’re cheating you’ll have to pay for it!” she warned.
"I’m not looking," Tsubomi said. Her legs were sore from walking so far. Where had they taken her? She didn’t think they were near the school anymore. She couldn’t hear anyone else aside from her excited classmates, or any sounds of the city.
"Good. Then we can start the game. But keep your eyes closed until we say you can open them. Okay?"
"Okay."
"You’re going to give us a heads-start before we play." Reina grabbed her shoulder and made her face a different direction. "You’re going to walk this way with your eyes closed for, um, ten thousand steps before you’re allowed to see again and chase us!"
Ten thousand was an absurd number. Tsubomi, trying to imagine it in her head, felt her aching feet hurt more at the idea. But if she complained they’d push her around until she agreed. Her hands against her skirt tightened.
"Okay." It came out smaller than before.
"Huh? I can’t hear you."
She wanted to go home. She’d been longing for the safe retreat of her room, where no girls would watch her with a hungry glint in their eyes. Where the teachers wouldn’t make her go and make friends with the other children to have ‘fun.’
It’s because of my eyes. If I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t be a burden on everyone. They wouldn’t have to think up these ways to make friends with me. Remembering this, Tsubomi tried to smile.
"I-I understand."
"… you’re really happy about playing with us. I see. Then let’s play! But I’m warning you! If you try to start earlier than you’re supposed to, you’ll have to lick all the dirt off your shoes! So don’t try anything like that."
Still smiling, Tsubomi nodded. Someone knocked her on the head again and a whisper of creepy rustled through the girls. Footsteps moved away from her, and Reina’s voice sounded fainter.
"We’ll be watching! So you better start walking!"
She wished they hadn’t taken her away from Kousuke and Shuuya. These games were always stressful, but it was easier if she was with them. If they were made to do something like this too, at least they could hold each others’ hands and walk together. But she couldn’t do anything like that here. All she had was her school uniform and the giggling of her classmates.
Tsubomi took a step forward.
Something made a squish squish sound that made her stomach flip flop. Did she step in a puddle? Was there mud before her? She didn’t want to get her socks dirty again.
She took another step.
One. Two. Three. Four…
Squish squish squish squish.
The more she walked the more those girls’ voices faded out. Tsubomi hated that her eyes were closed. She felt as though she was being swallowed by the sounds of the forest, digested into nothing.
Just like she was made to be at home.
Five. Six. Seven—
Her head hit something prickly that scratched her skin. She could hear the laughter in the back as she put a hand to her head, wincing. “Don’t open your eyes, clumsy oni!” Reina’s voice was distorted as the group’s laughter swelled. “You’re not allowed to yet!”
Tsubomi bit her lip, sticking out her hand to feel what she had bumped into. Bumpy, scratchy— it was a tree. “I couldn’t see it,” she muttered. Something hot rose in the back of her throat. Her nails scratched the bark’s surface. “You made me close my eyes.”
"Don’t stop walking oni! You’ve still got a lot more steps to go! C’mon, we wanna go home already!"
They turned her towards an area with lots of trees, so she had to stick her hands out to feel her way around. The branches stung her and the girls laughed whenever she bumped into a tree. Mud squelched beneath her feet. Though her eyes were squeezed shut, they still hurt.
Don’t laugh at me. Don’t…!
"Oni, oni!" they chanted, until their voices were consumed by the forest as well. Tsubomi continued to stumble, forced to turn in different directions by the winding path.
One hundred. One hundred and one. One hundred and two.
Soon, she couldn’t hear anyone except herself and her heavy, labored breaths. The birds were quieting down, taken over by the insects. She didn’t know how long she’d been walking.
Tsubomi kept her eyes shut. If she opened them, she might cry.
When she reached five hundred steps, she tripped over a log and was forced to open them anyway. She stayed on her knees, looking down at her red-spotted hands. Surrounding her were endless rows of green and brown, the sun beginning to set in the distance. The workers at the orphanage would wonder where she was. They’ll scold her for staying out too long to play with her friends again.
Shuuya and Kousuke… they probably were forced to do this too, weren’t they? It was selfish of her, but she hoped they were wandering in the forest, too. If she could find them, maybe they could go home together and take the punishment game tomorrow morning.
But Tsubomi didn’t move. She stayed where she was, kneeling.
Were those dirty eyes of hers red right now? Were they erasing her at this very moment?
If I disappear here, it’ll be better for everyone. Her hands dug into the dirt. If I disappear here…
If I vanish right this instant…
No one will find me.
The sky grew dark. The bugs grew into a roaring chorus. Tsubomi curled against a tree, feeling the mud cake around her ankles. Even though it’d been a hot summer day, she could feel something wet streaking down her face.
I’m going to disappear. Nobody will hear me or notice.
Alone, the oni cried, with only the cicadas screaming in response.
"… ten thousand." A hand touched her head. "I got you."
Everything blurred and waved when she looked up, but Shuuya’s face shone through the haze her eyes created. He, too, was dirty, mud covering his clothes, but he still smiled for her.
"The oni’s eaten the princess. Game over, game over. Ah, Tsubomi, were you hiding? It was hard to see where you were."
She tried to say something, but the words were stuck. So she kept her head down, shaking it furiously. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I made you look for me.”
"That’s how the game works, right? It’s okay. Tsubomi’s a natural at hiding."
A natural at being a ghost. The thought made her heart hurt even more. So, even Shuuya thought so.
It was good that she was a ghost. It was easier for everyone if she went unnoticed, because someone like her—a mistake like her—was better swept under the rug. Go away. Don’t be here. And she tried, she tried her best to.
"I found Kousuke too. He followed some birds out, did you know that! Now that we found you, we can go home. If we run, maybe we can make it in time for dinner."
"I don’t want to go." Her stupid voice wavered.
For a moment, there was only the droning of the bugs. The hand left her head and she thought for a moment Shuuya had abandoned her. But the crackling of leaves told her otherwise, as did the light hold on her arm.
"… did Tsubomi get hurt?"
"I fell." It hurt to admit. Everything hurt so much right now. When she felt Shuuya’s hand lifting away, she dared to grab it. She could feel him stiffening in surprise, and her stomach curled. She was causing so much trouble. "Please don’t let me go."
Shuuya wasn’t answering. He probably hated her right now. He didn’t want anything to do with her either. But she had to say something, otherwise she’ll wither away for certain.
"At this rate, I’ll disappear."
This entire afternoon, she’d been afraid. When the girls took her out and made her close her eyes, she thought she’d never be able to open them again. What if they pushed her into a ditch? What if she got lost and vanished and no one came to find her? Remembering her fear made her breathing come faster. She squeezed her eyes tight.
She needs to disappear. She should, but right now…
"Please save me." The words burned her mouth. Her chest constricted on itself, and she took a shuddering breath. "So… so don’t go away. If you let go of me… I’ll disappear for good." Her voice cracked. "I don’t want to be alone forever."
Something warm took her hands, pulling them away from her face. Tsubomi, with her eyes closed, didn’t dare to look. But she could feel Shuuya squeeze them, his voice soft.
"… whenever Tsubomi disappears, I’ll definitely look for her. Even if it takes me the entire day, I won’t stop. Don’t cry, all right? I’ll always be there to find you."
She learned early on when she met him that he was a good liar. He always lied about things like his bruises and was good at covering up the games they played at school. If she looked at his face, she’d definitely think he was lying. But if she focused on his hands holding hers, that lie could become the truth she wanted.
Pressing her forehead against his hand, the girl cried again as the boy held onto her and smiled.
And on that day, the oni’s game ended.