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Part I: The Pining
In all honesty, Sunoo cannot begin to fathom just how angry he is at Jungwon for ditching him with a bunch of documents just because a handsome guy had taken him out for icecream.
It's kind of understandable though, Jungwon had always had that pull effect towards everyone. He just seemed to always get his way with a flash of his dimple or with those fucking puppy eyes of his.
Deceivingly too, these men (and women alike) should see through that menacing little shit. But it's okay, Sunoo knows him by heart, and it'll be a matter of time before his real colors shine through. It'll take a maniac to still be into Jungwon at that point.
(Three months later and Sunoo thinks Jay is definitely a madman.)
Whilst Sunoo waited for the head of department to sign their documents, he's busy on his phone and then there's suddenly a commotion above him.
The corridor is suddenly packed with a bunch of girls passing by, talking in hushed tones to themselves as they kept looking back, really trying to waste time.
Sunoo keeps peeking behind them to see just what it was that was making them whisper and talk to themselves about. All he can see is a fluff of brown hair peeking over the top of their little crowd but nothing else so he goes back to his phone, anything to distract him really.
When he looks back up again, after the girls had so unceremoniously stepped over his new shoes to get away from the man — Sunoo supposes only a man could have them clustered and noisy like this — and to clear the corridor since it's getting too tight to even move your leg.
When they've all moved away, Sunoo doesn't really look up to see if the man had walked away with them or if he'd gone back the other way.
But of course he doesnt. When he finally does though, what's he to be met with other than this tall, beautiful man sitting right across from him, his legs folded one over the other. Brown hair fluffed atop his head, his honey toned skin stretching over a perfect slope of nose, eyes training down to meet with plush, pink and pouty lips that Sunoo wonders what they feel like under his teeth.
It's like he's attuned to all the people around him, used to people fawning over his gorgeousness because all he focuses on is his phone, mindlessly running a hand through his hair which is a move Sunoo finds hot for no reason at all.
"Wow," Sunoo gasps to himself, and maybe the proximity between them is a little closer than Sunoo calculated because the man looks up at him with this curious tilt to his face. "Shit."
Sunoo looks down, back to the phone that's on his lap and when that doesn't work - he's so distracted that he's replying to Jungwon's message on his IG story and not in their chat - he gets up and heads back into the office, preferring to stand there and wait for the man to stamp and sign the documents rather than embarrass himself in front of that beautiful man.
Luck has seemed to run out of Sunoo's life at that moment because the man he just so happened to want to avoid was walking into the office too, standing next to him as the head of department turns from Sunoo to speak to him about his own documents.
Sunoo doesn't even realize he's been holding his breath until he has collected his and Jungwon's file and he's heading out of the room, away from the sweet scent of that man. He heaves out a sigh so loud that he thinks the entire school hears him but it doesn't matter. Really, all that matters at this point is that he doesn't embarrass himself any further.
When he turns around one last time, maybe to get a glimpse of the man because who knows if they'll ever meet again, he accidentally meets eyes with him, his breath faltering as he looks away in an instant, his hands moving his hair away from his eyes and Sunoo thinks that might just be the last bullet to his poor heart.
-
God help Sunoo get through the day because what is this sorcery? How can the man he's been actively trying to find slash avoid for the past month suddenly appear right in front of him? And not just in front of him standing but in front of him talking to Jay who has his hand over Jungwon's shoulder, talking to the man like it was a normal Tuesday.
"Jungwon psst," Sunoo pulls at Jungwon's shirt, trying to get him away from Jay so he can whisper into his ear.
Jungwon confusedly moves towards Sunoo, telling Jay he's coming for a second. He's been so attached to his hip lately, and Sunoo kind of wants to say something about it though that's not the main issue at hand.
"What's up?" Jungwon asks, his brows furrowed in confusion, watching the way Sunoo nervously fidgets with his hands, his legs all jittery like he was preparing to run a mile.
"Who is that man? Why is Jay talking to him? Hell, why are you talking to him? Where'd he even come from?" Sunoo is heaving by the time he finishes his long list of questions. His eye are blown out of proportion and he looks like he's about to pass out.
Jungwon is looking at him like he's grown a pair of horns and he wants to ask if he can touch them but at the same time he's freaked out.
"Um.. that's Sunghoon, Jay hyung's new classmate," Jungwon carefully explains. "He's new and Jake actually introduced him to us.."
Jungwon spluttered for a second before he's shaking his head and asking, "Why are you even asking all this? Do you know him? An ex?"
"Ex? What? No way!" Sunoo is exasperated at how Jungwon thinks he'd let this man break up with him if they ever were together. "He's not an ex and I don't know him."
"Then why are you asking me questions like you made out with him and you suddenly remembered that?" Jungwon quirks an eyebrow at him.
"I mean, I wouldn't mind making out with him," Sunoo blurts out and Jungwon instantly squeals. He gives Sunoo a look that screams, "Oh no you have a crush " and Sunoo kind of doesn't want to answer him on that. "Please shut up."
"I didn't even say a word," Jungwon shrugs, then he turns around, flashing Sunoo a wicked smirk before strutting back and sliding into Jay's side comfortably.
Sunoo watches from the sidelines as Jungwon keeps talking to the angel-like man, gesturing as if they've known each other for years.
At one moment, Sunoo is leaning back on the table behind him, eyes fixed behind his phone that he has in front of him so he doesn't look like a creep while he sneakily glances at the quartet, now joined by Jake.
Sunoo is just about to look away from his usual glancing when he accidentally meets eyes with Sunghoon - gosh even his name is enchanting - who stares at him for more than a second long and Sunoo feels a rush of blood to his face.
That's the cherry on top, prompting him to move out of the class, sending Jungwon a text to meet him at the dorms because that's the only thing he's gonna be listening to for the whole week.
-
The next time Sunoo sees Sunghoon, he's been invited to one of Jungwon and Jay's date, having heard that the ice skater would be there to train a few kids at the rink, Sunoo had instantly agreed to Jungwon's invitation.
Skating shoes on, they're headed to the entrance of the rink when Jay calls out for Sunghoon, who's stretching with four kids half his height in front of him.
He turns around and when Sunoo sees his face, he flushes deeply, looking away from the ethereality of the man jogging in skates to them.
Due to his nature of running off whenever he sees the man two meters away from him, he hasn't really had the chance to really appreciate his beauty. He really should. But not today it seems.
"You're really a professional hyung," Jungwon says, referring to the way Sunghoon had jogged on the tips of his skates, not even looking down to maneuver his movement. "Don't you miss being an athlete?"
"Hey Jungwon," Sunghoon says, his gloved hands ruffling Jungwon's hair. "And no, I don't really miss the athlete life. I get paid really good money here and the kids are tolerable."
He further shakes hands with Jay and then turns to Sunoo, who isn't next to them like he was a few moments earlier. He'd wandered off into the rink and was squatting next to the kids, waving at them.
"Oh that's Sunoo, hyung," Jungwon explained, already making his own way into the rink as well. He then whisper- shouts, "He's really good with kids."
"Oh I see," Sunghoon says, looking over at where Sunoo was pinching one of the children's cheek.
Jungwon sees his ears go red but decides that's no time to be overthinking things, finalizing on the fact that it must be the cold.
"Hyung can't skate by the way," he notifies Sunghoon when he's halfway across the rink, watching from a distance as Jay scowls at him.
"You've never skated?" Sunghoon asks, chuckling from the absurdity of the situation.
Jay gives hims a side eye though, so he apologizes as he tries to stop laughing and grab Jay's hands, pulling him up on his feet and trying to move them together.
"Just put one foot in front of the other slowly, your balance is pretty good already."
"That's easier said than done," Jay grumbles but still tries to do as Sunghoon tells him, his feet gliding smoothly over the ice.
"Good good, you're doing okay," Sunghoon says, his hands still holding to Jay's just till they got to where Jungwon is. "Okay, I'm gonna leave you two to it, I don't get paid to teach adults how to skate."
"It's okay, I'm a pretty good teacher if I say so myself," Jungwon says with a wicked smirk and Jay sighs, knows he's doomed.
Sunoo is talking to the kids cutely, asking them what they'd want to be if they grew up and the majority of them saying they'd want to be ice skaters like Sunghoon that's teaching them.
One of them does groan and says all he wants to do is be a professional gamer but his parents don't think he'd make enough money.
"You're still young so maybe when you're as old as me, you can try to convince them again hm?" He explains and the kid nods, the pout on his lips fading away.
He stands from his crouched position when he hears the sound of another skate headed to them and the way the kids start getting back in line.
Sunoo begins to skate away, trying by all his might to avoid interacting with Sunghoon if he can help it. He just knows he's going to embarrass himself so why even bother.
He's already slided back to the farthest end by the time Sunghoon had reached the children.
From this distance, he gladly admires the slim figure of Sunghoon and the way he tries to explain certain things to the kids even though he's struggling.
From this distance, he can see the rosy blush on Sunghoon cheek, and he can see the way his pink lips stretch out in a smile when one of the kids does the complete opposite of what he'd shown them.
Sunoo sighs, rubbing his hand in his heart where it pounds fast. Gosh he's such a coward.
-
As with all crushes, especially those on people who easily catch the attention of everything the moment they breathe, Sunoo had a bit of a hard time adjusting to the rumors he hears about Sunghoon and Jake.
Of course he thinks they're all fabricated like all the college rumors that spread but this one? This one just feels surreal, like it actually is real this time.
And on many occasions, Sunoo has tried to find reasons to back up his own self-deprecating thoughts but of course he's failed. It's not that easy to always be around those two. Or to see them both at the same spot each time.
But today, a day that Sunoo had already decided to give up on finding proof of their love life, a day Sunoo had declared was a good day for him, it is on this day, when he's sitting next to Jungwon and his boyfriend, happily third wheeling, that he spots Jake and Sunghoon at the corner of the class.
They seem to be in their own little bubble, talking animatedly at each other. Sunghoon seems to be explaining something to Jake, who looks up at him with those doe eyes of his. Jake says something that makes Sunghoon groan and then he starts to speak about something else.
Sunoo watches intently as Sunghoon explains to Jake and the way he places his hand on his chest, in a gesture of explanation and Jake then places his own hand on Sunghoon's, holding it softly. Jake further shocks him by the way he leans in closer, their chests near colliding.
Sunoo thinks it might just have been a spur of the moment thing, but he watches in bewilderment as Jake and Sunghoon clasp hands even after Sunghoon's hand has left his chest, their hands dangling by the side as Sunghoon continues to talk. He doesn't make a move to pull his hand away and neither does Jake, both focused on the way each of their lips move, a sparkle in their eyes.
There's a pang of hurt in Sunoo's chest and he feels his vision blur, as if he's about to tear up at something he hadn't even put in any effort in, watching from the sidelines as someone more confident and in his rotten mind, someone way more attractive than he is, stepped up and made a move.
He excuses himself from the room, telling Jungwon who sounds so worried about him that he's just going to pee and he'd be back.
Sunoo doesn't return.
-
Sure he said he had made any efforts but hear him out, it's way harder to approach a guy who has sparkles floating around him at every second, someone who looks like a halo is cast upon him even when he appears in class in a shaken up state.
He can't even hate the other man - really, he's done absolutely nothing to him to make him hate him - but Sunoo still thinks that's the most handsome Sunghoon had ever been, hair ruffled up as if he'd just ran a hand through them to clear it up a bit. His eyes look tired and drowsy, confused at everything.
But he still manages to outshine all the people that had taken their time to dress up and look good in Sunoo's eyes.
He's not even supposed to be here, he's reminded of that when he realizes that Sunghoon was headed out of the class, the class that Jay should be coming out of so Jungwon could stop jumping excitedly in his spot.
"Oh would you calm down," Sunoo hisses, rolling his eyes at Jungwon's antics.
"What? Pissed that your man left already and you didn't even speak to him while I'm waiting for my boyfriend to come out?" Jungwon bats his lashes at Sunoo who gapes, unbelievably shocked at Jungwon's words. "Just as I thought."
Sunoo suppresses the urge to smack Jungwon's head because Jay was out of class, smile wide on his face when Jungwon jumps into his arms.
"Hey baby," he coos, kissing the top of Jungwon head with a stretch because Jungwon just so happens to be almost as tall as Jay himself. "Hi Sunoo. Sorry for making you guys wait, I was talking to Heeseung."
"It's okay," Sunoo waves it off. "We should get going though."
Along their way back to the dorms so Jungwon can pick up some things before he runs off back to Jay's, they talk about a party Jay was invited to and naturally, he asks both of them if they'd like to come.
Jungwon instantly nods, answering for both of them because Sunoo hadn't even tried to argue about it, after the whole Jake and Sunghoon fiasco, he could definitely need a drink or two and if possible, a distraction even though he's sure he wouldn't be able to, crush loyalty and all.
-
Sunoo and the couple decide to arrive at the party separately, since they couldn't go towards the dorms to get him before they headed to the party.
He'd been there earlier, having danced and met a few people he knew. He'd also seen Sunghoon, with Jake of course. But they'd gone off on their own ways, Sunghoon sitting down with a cup of whatever it was the host mixed, not even taking a sip of it and Jake had wandered off on his own.
Sunoo had downed the last drop of his beer, eyes fixed on Sunghoon seated figure, legs spread — fuck, he really wonders how strong those thighs are — as he danced with a stranger on the makeshift dance floor.
Just as the song is getting heated and he's feeling the other man's hands roam his body, he detaches himself from him and heads to the kitchen to grab water and ice.
A few minutes into his homemade hangover mix - cold water - he spots Jungwon and Jay headed into the kitchen. He waves them over and Jungwon walks in, hugging Sunoo before he tries to find a drink in the fridge. Jay is immediately shutting the door of the fridge after he pulls out a pack of orange juice. He fills a new cup with it and hands it to Jungwon who rolls his eyes before perching on the counter to talk with Sunoo.
"What's so funny anyways?" Jungwon grumbles, tsking and turning his back to the group his boyfriend is interacting with. "Like he doesn't have a boyfriend who makes him laugh."
It's not like Jay hadn't been right against him the moment they'd walked into the house, but eventually he did get called by some of his colleagues and he'd kissed Jungwon's cheek before he told him he'll be right back.
Jay hasn't been right back for the past twenty minutes.
"Well at least you have a boyfriend," Sunoo sighs, taking a sip of his cold water on ice.
He'd already been through with two full cans of beer and alcohol wasn't really his strong suit so his face is all flushed and he's on edge, especially after he'd seen Sunghoon looking so good it brings tears to his eyes that he can't call him his.
Because Sunghoon has changed seat the moment Sunoo had met with Jungwon and moved positions. Sunoo almost had hope that Sunghoon was looking for him but alas, he was just getting the most perfect view of Jake. Jake who isn't even looking at him, his eyes dead set on something in front of him.
It's Heeseung. It's Heeseung. Jake is looking at Heeseung and suddenly, everything adds up to Sunoo.
Gosh he'd been so blind to the signs, Sunghoon is in a one-sided triangle that has a missing side. He's falling for Jake while Jake is falling for Heeseung and Heeseung doesn't even know it, probably.
Sunoo sighs.
"At least your man isn't sending heart eyes across the room to someone that's been wiping his palms on his jeans because he's nervous about talking to his crush."
Sunghoon is there, looking like his heart is being shattered to pieces as Jake goes over his lines again and again, even as Heeseung keeps smiling as he talks to someone else.
Really, Jake should start a course ok how to be brave enough to even approach your crush. Sunoo would be his first and only customer because he doesn't believe there's anyone else that's as cowardly as he is.
"Congrats, you're the last to figure that out," Jungwon scoffs and Sunoo feels that hit him right in the feels.
It'd already been a shit week to begin with but his own best friend jabbing at what pains him the most is the last blow to his chest. It's a buildup of emotions, all of them packed in his heart that it hurts him when Jungwon says that simple sentence that he really wouldn't have thought twice about if it was any other day. Heck, he'd even jest with him.
But not this night. Sunoo chuckles sadly at the words and then pushes himself away from the counter, heading out of the house even as he hears Jungwon trying to apologize.
He finds an empty bench by the side of the field and sits on it. It's mildly cold but that's the least of his worries.
The moment his derriere meets the cold wood, he immediately bursts into tears, his eyes stinging with the pain, his cheeks red with the cold and his body is shaking as he all but wails into the dark night.
It hurts so bad. It hurts even worse when he realizes that it's been his fault all along. It's been his own doings that he hadn't approached Sunghoon, not even as an acquaintance or someone he knows through someone else.
And it's not like he couldn't do it, no. Most of his relationships had always been him making the first move so what if he was a little selfish and arrogant in wishing that Sunghoon would notice him too and maybe even approach him first.
He'd been gullible.
His cries slowly come down to a sniffle and he wipes his eyes but doesn't bother opening them, content with laying his head in between his thighs. The cold is starting to bother him but he's too stubborn to get up and go back inside or even find a taxi to take him home.
"Fuck me," he mutters to himself.
"Be careful what you wish for," he hears a voice above him but he doesn't even care to see who it is. It's probably those stuck up jock guys who think they have a chance with him with their shitty pickup lines.
"Go away," he mumbles, his eyes heavy and lidded with the alcohol inside him, the crying and the coolness of the air.
"I don't think that would be very ethical of me," the voice responds and even if Sunoo had claimed he'd be loyal only to Sunghoon, this voice makes him want to do things.
It's so calm and soft and chapped at the edges that it's gonna be the only thing Sunoo would want to listen to before his eyes close and fall asleep.
"Whoever it is you're crying over," the voice starts again when Sunoo doesn't reply. "They're not worth it."
That makes Sunoo rise up, ready to fight this man who thinks he knows what's in Sunoo's heart. How dare he.
"And who are you to say—"
The words get stuck in his throat as he meets those eyes; slanted, enchanting and drowsy. Those lips; plush, pink and pouty. He even has moles? Sunoo had never noticed. Granted, he hadn't even been within close proximity to Sunghoon's face enough to even notice his features up close.
Sunoo cuts himself off, sighing as they both stare at each other like it's the first time they're seeing each other.
And maybe it is.