Chapter Text
“I’m not doing it”
“Why?” Gerard whined. “ I thought you love me”
“I’m reconsidering it now”
“Jeez, you’re mean with me, Francesc”
“You could whine all you want; I’m still not going to do it”
Leo rolled his eyes at the couple, letting out a tired soft. He was used to them always fighting, so he didn’t mind that much. Expect, now he wasn’t really in the mood-well he hadn’t been in the mood for an all week now.
Since that phone call. The one call he wish he hadn’t take. Now he was filled with thousands of feeling, he didn’t wanted to feel: Guilt, anger, relief, frustration…
He hadn’t talk to Cristiano either. When the Portuguese came back from England, he did everything in his power to avoid him. Every time Cristiano had tried to talk to him in private, Leo managed to find an excuse to leave or to change the subject. But Cristiano wasn’t as the most patient person on earth and eventually he stopped running after him.
Leo knew he was exaggerating, just delayting the inevitable. They would eventually have to talk and sort everything out once and for all.
What Leo didn’t expect-and it was stupid of him, was the fact that his behavior would catch Joe’s attention. That the reason he was taken aback by Joe’s question.
“What’s up with you and Cristiano?”
Lionel kind of expected that sort of question after the couple of days. Since that phone call with Irina, He and Cristiano didn’t really talk, let alone hanged around like they used to. From an external point of view, they looked like they were in cold.
And they were. Kind of.
“Nothing” Lionel lied nevertheless. But Joe wasn’t buying it.
“Come on, Leo” Joe sighed. “I’m not blind. Something is definitely wrong, yet I never dared to ask, don’t know if it was because I didn’t care or just didn’t want to found something I shouldn’t have. But I can’t anymore, so please stop lying, okay?”
Leo wasn’t sure if it was anger or sadness that was painted on the other boy’s face. Maybe both.
He didn’t want to cause him any kind of pain, but he couldn’t help it. Joe obviously were looking for something, Leo didn’t quite understand himself. He hated lying, especially to someone he dearly cared for. But sometimes, lying could be the better solution to avoid sorrow.
After all, what we don’t know couldn’t hurt us, right?
“I…” He nervously bit on his bottom lip, tearing his eyes from his face. “I don’t know, yet” He said. “I’m confused about something at the moment, and I…I can’t talk about it now.”
“Something to do with your past with Cristiano?”
He turned back to the keeper sitting on his bed, who raised his eyebrows at him expectantly. He suddenly felt the short distant between the two beds were longer than it was.
There was no use denying it now. Leo knew it. He slowly nodded playing with the hem of his shirt.
“He did cheat on you, right? Then what is there for you to be confused about?”
“He didn’t” Leo breathed out deadpan
“What?”
Leo has just dropped the bomb. He shouldn’t have but with the way the conversation was going, hitting around the bush, would only make things worse than they actually were.
So he just plainly explained the situation to him without hiding anything, beside there wasn’t anything to hide. The longer he was talking, the deeper the crinkle between Joe’s eyes was. And he finally finished, he waited for his reaction.
But nothing came
Just a frown. That was all. Silence? That was somehow worse than anything.
“Say something” Leo pleaded after minutes of dead silent during which the keeper kept staring at him, a frozen frown on his face. “Anything, please?”
He shook his head, a bitter smile stretching his lips. He stood up from the bed, running a hand through his head.
“Where are you going?” Leo panicked. He didn’t expect this.
“I need sometime…alone”
“You’re kidding me, right?” Leo suddenly exploded. “You asked me about it and I honestly told you everything and now you want to break up with? You’re not breaking with me, hein? Leo’s voice broke in the end.
He couldn’t do this to him. Not now. He couldn’t handle it.
“No, Leo” Joe sighed. Leo released a big sigh of relief. “If someone is going to end anything here…it’s you.”
For a second, Joe’s eyes seemed glistening. Leo stepped forward to try to touch him, just to feel his muscle tense under his fingers, but the other boy just turned his back to him and left the room.
Leaving him here.
With a feeling of guilt, he didn’t comprehend.
The next day he was the one been avoid. By Joe. Of course he had expect it. He needed some time alone and who could blame him. Beside Leo needed it too.
He actually believed he could have time to sort everything out alone, in peace. But yet again, everything had to turn the wrong way and he was in the middle of it again.
He was leaning on his bed, tired from the training session when his little bubble exploded.
“Is this how it’s going to be?” Leo slit his eyes open without turning his head to the owner of the voice. “We’re going to ignore each other for how long exactly?”
“I don’t know, Cristiano” Leo sighed running a hand on face feeling already tired from the conversation.
“How can you do this to me and look…okay?” The accusation in the voice catched ore his attention than the hint of sadness behind.
“What’s makes you think I’m okay with all this shit?” Leo snapped defensively
“For starter you’re avoiding me, and yeah you’re still dating that guy”
“What? You really thought I was going to jump back in your arms?”
Cristiano opened his mouth without any words coming out, his eyes blinking quickly- like he was trying to process what his ears heard but his heart didn’t understand. “You don’t care, do you?” There wasn’t any reproach in his voice, just a simple disbelief. “You know I didn’t hurt you, and you still don’t want me back?”
Leo chewed on his lip, his heart pounding mirrored by the constant, painful beats in his head. He knew it was only a matter of time before Cristiano bring the conversation back up. Until now, he had managed to avoid him, enough to breath and just forget about the whole thing…for a brief moment.
‘I’m sorry” Leo let out feeling like the words were swallowing away the little strength he had.
“You’re sorry?” Cristiano said softly, obviously controlling his growing anger. “I don’t want your apologies, I want you.”
“Well, you can’t have anything you want Cristiano” Leo replied harshly than intend but at this point he couldn’t bring himself to care.
He picked up his phone from the night stand and put his shoes. He felt like throwing up, but he swallowed up with a bitter, burning taste.
He couldn’t escape the subject for long, but for the time being, he needed it to happen as far away as possible. He hadn’t the strength, the courage to deal with again. Not now, at least.
As he walked up towards the door and was about to open it, a brutal force pinned him against the wall, caughting his breath. A sharp pain went straight up his shoulders, spreading to his back. He squirms against the strong hands blocking against the hard surface. Without succeeding, he was way to strong for him.
“What the fucking are you doing?” Leo yelped slitting his eyes up, hiding the discomfort from his face.
“You’re not running away from it again” Cristiano said sharply, eyes boring into the brown ones. “I let you go once, but it’s not happening again”
“Cristiano--”
“Don’t interrupt me, Lionel.” Cristiano warned. When he made sure Leo would be quiet, he continued in the same low, dangerous tone. “I told you I didn’t betray you, but not once you turned around to listen. You didn’t believe me when I was practically begging you to. I was your boyfriend and your best friend and you didn’t believe me. You swallowed up all that bitch lies without even considering I was the victim and just like that you pushed me away from your life.”
“Let me go” Leo almost pleaded, struggling against the steel embrace. “You’re hurting me, let go Cristiano.”
“Oh it hurts?” Cristiano laughed bitterly. “Well that’s nothing in comparison to how I felt when I…” His voice was breaking, his eyes slowly softening back to the ones Leo loved seeing. “When I realized that I could hold you anymore” He lifted his hand to stroke his cheekbone, down to the bridge of his lips. “Couldn’t kiss you, make love to you. Just having you like I used to. When Irina told me that nothing happened, I…I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so fucking happy”
It didn’t matter the amount of strength Leo used to hold them back, the tears managed to escape from his burning eyes. Cristiano eyes followed them all the way down the cheeks. “Why didn’t you want to talk to me? Was it because you didn’t care about what I had to say? Or you just used Irina as an excuse to break up with me? Maybe you didn’t believe I was a better person, that I really changed”
There was a lot of things Leo regretted in his life but his next move, wasn’t one of them. He didn’t even winced at the dull pain on his bolted hand, watering eyes fixed on the other boy holding his cheek. His heart beat accelerate to the point where he could hear it echoed inside the chamber.
“Do you really thing, I would have even went out with you, if I wasn’t convinced that you changed? He yelled not caring about the fact that he could be heard by the students outside the room. “Geri, Cesc and I believed you were better than what you wanted everyone to believe. And I saw you. The real you, that’s why I fell in love with you.So don’t bring that bullshit to me.
“Then why didn’t you talk to me?” Cristiano yelled in the same tone, his hand sliding on his already bruising cheek. “What made you so angry that you couldn’t even face me?”
“I wasn’t angry, I was in pain!!” Leo cried between sobs and tears streaming freely on his cheeks. “It just hurt so much, I couldn’t even breathe. You knew I was the unsecure one in our relationship, you knew I was still doubting the reasons you choose me over someone…better.” He sighed running a trembling hand throught his tousled hair. “When I heard about what happened, I was hurt but it didn’t surprised me because to me, it seemed normal for you to go for someone like Irina”
“I hate her”
“That’s not the point and you know it, Cristiano”
Leo let his back rest against the wall feeling like his legs were about to let him down. He knew what he did was wrong and he should be apologizing but he couldn’t. He really did felt Cristiano’s love for him and he knew he genuinely wanted him. However no matter what he couldn’t muffled the little insecurities he had. And now he realized it cost him dearly.
“What do you want from me, then Lionel?”
Leo slit his eyes open not even realizing they were closed. He lifted his head back towards Cristiano, bitting down on his lips a knot forming in his throat. “I don’t know”
“You do” Cristiano said firmly, eyes determined. “You know what you want, you just to coward to say it out loud”
“I love him, Cristiano”
“Not more than you love me” The absence of reply from the smaller boy was enough to confirm his point. “I’m tired, Leo” He said stepping away from Leo in attempt to stop himself from holding him, kissing the trembling lips until they moved against him and swallowing down his protests. “Tired of wanting, hoping for you. I spent two years of my life hating myself for losing you, now I know I was innocent and just suffer from stupid insecurities. So now I’m putting an end to it. I know you love him and you love me too just as much. The choice is yours, Him or me.”
“Don’t” Leo didn’t even try to hide the pleads from his voice. “Don’t ask me that”
“Actually I can. I have the right to be selfish” Cristiano retorted crossing his arms on his chest. “I’m not sharing you with him or anyone for that matter. But I’m not going to wait forever, so decide so I can finally move on from this Messi saga once and for all”
Leo shivered at the coldness emanating from the other boy. All this time he spent cry, feeling like the victim, it has been the other way around. He was the only one to blame for this situation so Cristiano had right to be mad.
He couldn’t help but press harder against the wall when Cristiano approached him. He stopped just inches away from him, staring down at him.
“I love you” He said voice filled him warm and softness. “You don’t even realize how much, but I don’t love you enough to continue to suffer forever.”
Just like that he left him there, alone, just like Joe, wondering when everything went so wrong.