Chapter Text
It’s not unusual for Jisung to cuddle any member he can get his hands on.
In fact, Seungmin is sure that if he tried to count how many times Jisung wiggles his way into a pair of arms, the numbers would stretch into infinite. So Jisung is a cuddler, and most of the time he’s cuddling Seungmin.
100% of the time he’s cuddling Seungmin when he’s little.
And that’s what’s making this instance strange. Because Seungmin is staring down at Jisung where he’s encased in Felix’s arms, and he’s little. It’s as clear as day that Jisung is little, his eyes a bit more glassy than normal and he’s babbling. When Jisung is little, he never wants anyone outside of Seungmin, so it’s a first that he’s calm in someone else’s lap. Not crying for Seungmin.
It’s like he’s been punched in the chest.
It’s autopilot, maybe, the way Seungmin begins to approach Jisung and Felix. If he was truly thinking about it, he would leave the two alone. Instead though he’s marching forward, and then he pauses right in front of them.
He’s not sure what to do from here.
Seungmin has certainly got Felix’s attention though, the other looking up at him questioningly. He’s not sure what to say, or even what Felix is expecting him to say. All Seungmin knows is that his heart is cracking a little bit more in his chest with every giggle and gurgle Jisung let’s out.
Seungmin reaches for Jisung, trying to pick him up into his arms. To his surprise though, Jisung puts up a fight, clinging to Felix and whining. It seems he’s not big enough for sentences yet, as the whining increases each time Seungmin reaches out for him.
He gives up eventually, arms falling to his sides uselessly. Seungmin stares at the floor hard, willing back the feelings of jealousy and uselessness filling up in his chest. He glares at the ground instead, suddenly angry with himself for being upset. It’s not a problem that Jisung wants someone other than him. Matter of fact, this should be seen as a good thing! This is an opportunity for Seungmin to seize some alone time, and do things he usually can’t when taking care of Jisung.
Seungmin doesn’t want to do any of that though.
“Seungmin, are you okay?” Felix asks, concern pouring into his voice. It makes Seungmin even more upset for some reason, and he turns his glare from the floor to Felix instead.
“I’m fine,” he snaps.
Felix looks shocked, his mouth hanging open as he stares at Seungmin. He knows he should feel sorry, but Seungmin doesn’t feel regret at all. His chest feels like it’s caving in, as Jisung continues to squirm happily in Felix’s lap. He watches in envy as Jisung reaches for Felix’s hair, giggling to himself as he gets a fist full of it. Felix grimaces when he pulls, but otherwise doesn’t react.
Seungmin sighs, forcing himself to look away from Jisung for a moment, and speak to Felix.
“I guess you have everything under control here…you know where I am if you need me.”
With those as his parting words, Seungmin walks away to his room. He lays down on his bed, thoughts spiraling out of control. What does it mean that Jisung didn’t want him today? Seungmin wonders if he did something to upset the little at any point, but he can’t think of a situation. He then turns his mind to other possibilities. Maybe Jisung is tired of him, and wants a new face. A new caregiver.
He’s being replaced, isn’t he?
Seungmin won’t lie, the idea terrifies him. Being Jisung’s caregiver has given him a purpose outside of being an idol, outside of his singing. For a while as a trainee, Seungmin thought he was only worth what kind of note he could hit, or his throat condition that day. Needless to say he was stressed ninety percent of the time, and constantly falling ill because of it. Becoming sick would add more to his stress, as it usually resulted in a sore throat and not being able to use his voice.
Then one day he came across Jisung, crawling around on the floor. They were all supposed to be at practice, but Jisung stayed behind after saying he wasn’t feeling well. Seungmin ended up leaving practice to go check on the other, and planned to report back to Chan about Jisung’s status.
He quickly realized that Jisung wasn’t being himself, and texted Chan that Jisung was still feeling sick and Seungmin would be staying behind to take care of him. Seungmin fell naturally into taking care of Jisung that day, and by the time everyone else got home Jisung was himself again.
After that day they talked about what happened, and Seungmin learned about all things little space. It didn’t take long for him to decide he wanted to be Jisung’s caregiver, and the little was so happy when Seungmin told him. It became a mutually beneficial relationship for them, but now Seungmin isn’t sure what is going to happen.
He’s terrified he’s losing his baby.
Seungmin is ripped out of his thoughts by the sound of his door being opened. He doesn’t move, but he does tilt his head toward whoever's entering. In his doorway stands Felix, and in his arms is Jisung. Seungmin sits up at the sight of the little, blinking at the two as he stares. Felix is bouncing Jisung in his arms, and his brows are pinched in distress.
“Jisung is tired,” Felix says, eyes flitting down to the little in his arms.
Seungmin is feeling a little petty though, and so his response to Felix is dry. “Put him down for a nap then”.
“I tried, he only wants you.”
That gets Seungmin’s attention. He perks up a bit, and holds out his arms in Felix’s direction. It’s a test, to see if he gets rejected again. Seungmin isn’t sure if he can take a second rejection, but he risks it regardless.
“Jisungie, can you look at Da?” He prompts, watching the little for movement. Jisung picks his head up from Felix’s neck, turning to the direction Seungmin’s voice is coming from. When the little sees Seungmin’s open arms, he starts to squirm. Felix puts Jisung down, and then the little comes toddling over to Seungmin. In a few wobbly steps Seungmin has his arms full of his baby once again, making him feel complete.
He hugs Jisung close, the little making cooing noises into Seungmin’s chest. Seungmin rearranges them in the bed, settling so that he’s lying on his back and Jisung’s head rests on his chest. Seungmin buries his face in Jisung’s hair. The little has always smelled distinctly of strawberries and baby powder, and it’s a smell Seungmin can’t get enough of.
It’s not long before Jisung is sleeping away in his arms. With a warm little sleeping away, Seungmin himself starts to feel tired himself. He rubs his thumb back and forth over Jisung’s hand as he falls asleep, and has one last thought before succumbing to sleep.
Seungmin’s final thought is that he was ridiculous to ever think his baby was replacing him. Seungmin will always be a caregiver, and most importantly he’ll be Jisung’s caregiver. It’s the most important job he has.