Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It's a bloodbath when we get outside.

There are bodies littered all over the street. The smell of gasoline, steel, and carnage could be tasted in the air. My nose scrunches in distaste and I make do with the foreign equipment I'm using. Eren is still clinging to me as we soar through the air, his head resting against my chest as he closes his eyes. I gaze down at him for a few moments before maneuvering us toward the ground. Below, I can see most of my team. Erwin and Hange are there with Moblit as well, and several other associates. 

As we touch down onto the ground, I slowly release Eren and he opens his eyes. They're slightly swollen and red from smoke and tears. I reach and caress his face. 

"Are you two alright?" Erwin rushes over to us, not hesitating to assess the damage. He approaches us both. "What's the status inside?"

Eren's lips tremble, but he keep a straight face. "Everyone inside is..." he drifts off, and appears tired.

I turn to Erwin. "Do we have anyone here that can take a look at him?"

"Actually, one of his friends, Arlert, is here."

I raise a brow. "How the hell did he get wrapped up in this?"

"He called me," a gentle voice says behind me. All of us raise our heads to Armin walking our way, carrying a large duffel bag with him. He has a bit of debris covering his hair, but otherwise looks unharmed. "I may not be as experienced as Eren, but Erwin wanted to ensure no one else came to the scene. I'm not here to ask questions, just to make sure no one was injured too badly. It's the least I can do for Eren."

There is a small car sitting off to the side and I feel reluctant to let Eren go and out of my arms. Eren frowns deeply but nods his head. "You can trust Armin. He won't say anything."

He steps away from me in a haunting sort of way and I watch with a heavy heart as Armin assists him as he walks. My eyes are trained on him even as Erwin continues to ask questions.

"What the hell happened in there?" he asks.

I lick my lips. "A shit-show," I answer honestly. "You'll find several dead bodies in there. Including Annie Leonhart."

Erwin's expression softens. "Did you...?"

I shake my head. "No. Eren did. He may still be in shock right now."

Erwin sighs softly. "It's never easy... killing."

"For some it isn't. Eren isn't a killer. Especially not with someone he once cared about. He and Annie were friends at one point, I'm sure. You'll have to wait for the fire to die out, but it's going to draw attention here."

"We're taking care of it. I've already contacted headquarters. They're going to assure this scene is ours and ours alone."

I nod wearily, staring down at the ground. 

"This shouldn't have happened. If we hadn't come... Eren would have..."

"It's over now," Erwin assures me, taking a heavy hand and placing it on my shoulder. "You did amazing work in there, given your circumstances. I wish you would have waited but following orders just isn't in your nature, is it?"

I grin tiredly. "If I had, Eren wouldn't be here."

Erwin nods in understanding. "We're going to get our clean up crew here and assess the damage inside. We'll recover the bodies as well and bring them to our medical examiner. Unfortunately, we can't let their deaths be known."

It was pitiful... most of these people were about to be wiped out of history for good.

"I trust your judgement. I always have."

Hange approaches us a few moments later. "Armin just finished looking Eren over. He'll probably take him to their clinic and make sure nothing is overlooked. You can go see him now, if you want."

I nod silently, reaching around my waist and untangling the equipment still attached. I practically toss it to Hange. "Do something with this. It may be useful for us in the future. I can't wrap my head around where the fuck any of those idiots found this type of machinery, but I'm sure you'll find use for it."

Hange blinks, but nods. "You've got it, squirt."

I scoff at the nickname but take quick strides to where Eren is sitting with Armin. Armin is tilting Eren's head back and examining his eyes with a flashlight. When he notices me, he drops the flashlight to his side and smiles. "Luckily, everything seems alright. I may just have him in observation for the night."

I nod in understanding. "Of course."

"I should take a look at you, too. You've inhaled a lot of smoke and it can damage your heart without even having side effects."

"I'm fine," I assure him, though he doesn't look convinced. "I've endured much worse. Eren knows."

Eren smiles faintly, but it doesn't hold that spark that I've come to love. Instead... it seems troubled. I reach and touch the side of Eren's face again, but this time, he turns his face away. My eyes widen briefly. "Armin, give us a minute?"

He glances between the two of us but agrees. "Alright. But, I'm taking you out of here in ten minutes."

"Sure," Eren agrees. 

There is a heavy silence that falls between us after Armin leaves, and I sit next to Eren. He looks conflicted; unsure. His clothes are tarnished and melded to his flesh and his face lost it's determined glow and is replaced with something I can't place. I want to reach out for him again, but I feel he'll pull away a second time.

"I'd be dead if it weren't for you and your... team." The last words come out slowly, his head raising to finally meet my eyes. I reach for his hand a a grasp it gently. I bring it to my lips.

"I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to you and I meant it. All I've ever wanted to do is protect you."

He swallowed thickly, tightening his hold on my hand. "I don't think I'll ever be able to find the words to thank you."

I look at him, perplexed. "You don't need to thank me, Eren. I told you before, I love you. Or did you not hear it in the midst of that chaos inside?"

A shaky breath escapes Eren's lips and I notice they're trembling. "I heard every word. And I..." He looks up toward the sky and tears begin collecting in the corners of his eyes. 

"Eren?" I feel dread drop like a stone in my stomach.

He sniffles and leans in, pressing his lips against mine. I close my eyes and instantly breath him in as I massage my lips into his. God, I've missed him. I savor every second until those seconds were gone, and his hand slips away from mine. "I do love you," he begins, and that dread coils into something harder. "But you almost died because of me."

I blink. "We almost died because some psychotic bitch with daddy issues tried to kill you for an honest mistake on your father's part. It had nothing to do with you."

"That isn't the point!" He suddenly shouts. The flash is back in his emerald eyes and he stares at me desperately. "You almost died. How many more times is that going to happen? How many times will I sit here, worrying that something is going to happen to you? I'm angry that you lied and it was childish how I responded, but can you blame me? You're a fucking assassin for the Legion and every day your life is on the line."

I try reaching for him again and he pulls away, and I can feel my chest getting tight. Don't do what I think you're about to do...

"Eren... please. Nothing is going to happen to me. This is something I've been doing for a long time."

"I know that! I won't be selfish and ask you to stop. Instead..." He stops, hesitating.

"...Instead, what? You want to split? Hate to break it to you, but doing that isn't going to save my life either way."

He snarls, standing up swiftly. "Maybe it won't... but, I can't have you throwing your life on the line every time I'm in trouble. What if one of your targets finds out about me? Are you going to throw yourself into another crossfire to save me?"

"What kind of stupid fucking question is that? Of course I would. That's what you do for the ones you love - you take a chance and risk something."

Eren closes his eyes, a painful expression crossing his features. His hair covers his eyes momentarily before he glances down at me. "I can't..." He trembles again. "I don't think my heart can take if something happens to you. I didn't think I was going to fall in love with you, Levi Ackerman, but I did. I don't want to be the one sitting home, wondering if you're going to make it back alive."

I stand up quickly, taking Eren and pulling him into my arms. "Eren, please. Don't do this. Don't fucking do this."

Eren presses his wet face against my shoulder and for a moment, I think I've gotten through to him. He clenches me tightly and I hold onto him like a lifeline. 

Then, he wretches back. I reach for him and he steps back further. "I love you, Cassanova, and I'm sorry."

I don't chase him as he turns away. I call his name until my lungs hurt, agony washing over me like the rain the begins to pour from the heavens. The hiss of the water hitting the fire silences my voice and gnaws at my racing thoughts. I stand there and let the rain wash over me, and I'm thankful it's there to cover the hot tears that drip down the side of my face. I scowl, reaching up and wiping them furiously.

When I glance back up, Eren is gone.

It doesn't take much time for our agency to cover up the mess. When it does reach news, it's labeled as a leaking pipeline due to an old structure. There are over a dozen bodies recovered, including Annie, Reiner, and Bertolt. Weeks have passed since then and Erwin instructs that I take some time off. I don't listen, naturally. I spent most of my time training vigorously at the agency. Petra, Oluo, and Mike seem worried. Hange and Moblit do too. But, I can't sit at my apartment. If I do, I'll probably lose my mind with thoughts of Eren.

With the weeks that had passed, I hadn't heard a single word from him.

I instructed several of my team to ensure that the Yeager household was safe and secure. Eren's mother, Carla, and Mikasa were in good health and luckily, nothing seemed out of sorts. So I drop their security to avoid being seen. Grisha's clinic, which naturally went to Eren now, was free of previous damage and reopened after several weeks of rebuilding and some remodeling. Armin was kind enough to keep me in the loop, but when it came to Eren, it was always the same.

He feels it's best.

I scowl behind the barrel of my pistol, aiming it with deadly precision as I lock eyes on my paper target. I spent most of my days at headquarters now, using the couch in my office to sleep and training during my down time. Erwin's been a shit, and I made sure he saw my annoyance by lingering when he told me to stay home.

"I guess me telling you to go home would fall on deaf ears?" his voice boomed behind me one day, and I made a tch noise while pressing on the trigger. My body hardly recoiled from the blow and it landed perfectly dead center into the paper chest. I compress the trigger and shoot again, and again, until I run out of ammo. I reach to remove my noise canceling headphone while arching a brow at home.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you. Want to try that again?"

He sighs, crossing his arms. "I told you to take some time off after our debriefing. We have everything under control and I'm sure I'll have you back on the front lines soon. Why are you fighting this?"

I lick my dry lips and slowly lower my pistol. "I don't trust my own thoughts right now. Sitting in my empty apartment is the last thing I need to do right now. Training keeps my mind sharp."

"You mean off of Eren?"

I make a face, but don't say anything. Instead, I raise my weapon again. 

"He asks about you, you know."

I twitch slightly, but don't say anything.

"He always asks how you are."

"And you know this... how?"

"Armin and I keep in touch," he murmurs vaguely, though, I catch a wistful tune in his tone.

"...Is he okay? Eren, I mean?"

"I figured you were keeping tabs on him."

"I stopped weeks ago. I didn't want to overstep. He's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship with me, so I backed off. I just wanted to make sure no one else was trying to go after him or his family. Annie had dozens at her disposal. I just wanted to make sure there was no one left."

Erwin leans against the threshold leading out into the main foyer, eyeing me quietly. "Perhaps you should just talk to him."

I let out a drawn out breath, placing my gun on the table in front of me and finally turning to meet Erwin's eyes. "Why would I do that? Didn't you hear what I just said? He doesn't want to see me anymore."

"Because he is afraid, Levi. Can you blame him? The lives you and I lead are not to be taken lightly. Not everyone understands that. Petra and Oluo only get by because they're in this together and Mike has to still keep this from his own wife. Eren made the choice because he was afraid all he'd do is get you killed in the end."

"And I told him none of that mattered. In the beginning, sure, I knew better. Now, I can't stand how I feel without him. It's like someone stuck their hand into my chest and ripped out a piece of me. That little shit knew the damage he caused and yet..."

I stop abruptly. This isn't Eren's fault. "I should have just been honest from the beginning. We wouldn't be here right now."

"There will always be a risk. He must have realized that."

"But I'm willing to take it! I just wish he would be, too."

Erwin smiled softly. "Perhaps you should be speaking to him about this, not me. It seems there is much that was left unsaid."

I frown deeply. "I don't think he wants to see me."

Erwin chuckled, and I arch a brow. "I've heard different from Armin. Do you know Eren plays the same song over and over in his office when he's there?"

Song? What song? Wait... oh God.

"Ugh. That fucking song I heard when I came in for my follow up? Are you serious?"

"He does confide in Armin often, even his sister. This hasn't been easy on him by any means. Perhaps the two of you need to speak face to face and settle whether this relationship is worth the risk or not. It would be a better use of your remaining time off.."

I cross my arms and glance up and down at Erwin. "Remaining time off?"

As I ask, Erwin reaches into his breast pocket of his suit and produces a packet. "Your next assignment. You and every one else will be briefed tomorrow morning. You'll leave the following day." He tosses the packet at me and I catch it without hesitation. I open it briefly and take a quick peek. 

"So I'm done being on house arrest?"

"You'll be going overseas this time. Only for a week, but still, if you have anything to settle... now would be the time."

I don't miss a beat, or the meaning behind his voice. I turn and grab my bag that is sitting on the table in front of the glass. I slip the packet inside, as well as my pistol. I toss it over my shoulder and give Erwin a thoughtful look.

"Go. We've got everything under control here, as always. I don't want you going through with this forever without knowing if love can be mixed into the equation or not. I'm still learning myself. Slowly, but surely."

I grin as I walk passed him. "Careful there. It sneaks up on you."

"Pardon?" Erwin asks, and I laugh. 

"Love. It's a sneaky fucking pain in the ass."

I left without another word, exiting the floor and the building. When I stood out onto the street, I saw the sun setting in the distance. I inhaled sharply and exhaled quietly. I reached for my phone and tapped it a few times, bringing it to my ear while making my way to my car. 

"Dr. Yeager's office, how can I help you?" a monotone voice asks, and I recognize it was Mikasa immediately. 

I clear my throat, trying to disguise my voice. "Yes, I'm wondering if Dr. Yeager has any opening's tonight? It's an emergency."

I park my car and only hesitate for a few moments. I check myself in the rear view mirror and brush some strands of hair from my eyes. I look tired; but finding the ability to sleep wasn't something I found easy since Eren left.

I miss him... and it was obvious to everyone around me. 

I take a deep breathe and step out of the car.

The clinic looks pristine since the last time I've seen it. Freshly painted and new floors laid down, as well as all damage repaired. It was shut down for a few days, if that, but Eren and his friends worked hard to reopen the office to the public. Eren's passion still matched that of his father's, and he loved helping people. Criminal or not. I enter and don't notice anyone sitting at the reception desk. I stroll around the lobby for a few minutes, my heart pounding in my chest hard and fast. It's when I hear the sound of heels clicking against the hardwood that I finally look up.

Mikasa stops dead in her tracks, her eyes narrowing. "You," she begins in obvious distaste.

"Me," I echo, tilting my head. "Is he busy?"

"He doesn't want to see you," she counters.

"You and I know that's a lie. Armin's been getting pretty comfy with my boss and he told me everything. I at least deserve to talk to him face to face."

Mikasa crosses her arms, tapping her heeled foot onto the floor. "You are his next patient, but if he doesn't want to see you..."

I hold my hands up. "I'll leave. I promise. I'm not here to start trouble. I just..." I swallow thickly, and Mikasa makes a face.

"I'm not trying to be a bitch. You saved his life, and probably Carla's and mine too. But, I also respect his wishes. If he thinks it's best the two of you aren't together, you need to understand that too."

"I know," I respond softly. The clinic is empty around this time at night, although, there have been busy nights here. I don't hear a sound other than our words and some rustling from down the hallway. "That's why I need to make sure this is really what he wants. I need clarification."

She sighs, but she steps aside. "He has another appointment in an hour. Make it fast. You'll be on the last door to the left."

I nod my thanks and walk down the long hallway. I walk passed the empty rooms and finally stop at the last door. I exhale quietly and step inside, noting the smell instantly making my nose scrunch. It's that sterile smell that makes my stomach turn, and I close the door behind me. I observe the steel table in the middle of the room, and also a much more comfortable one for less dire visits. Fond memories swirl in my mind from the last time I was in this room and I chuckle to myself. I slip off my coat and place it on the table, taking a seat and waiting patiently. From a distance, I can hear that song playing and it instantly made my stomach turn to knots. 

Oh, and baby I'm fist fighting with fire
Just to get close to you
Can we burn something, babe?
And I run for miles just to get a taste.

My heart thumps painfully when the door suddenly opens.

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, I was waiting for a small shipment to come in and we're a bit short staffed tonight." 

My heart sinks. 

Eren doesn't even glance my way. In fact, he's busy reading over a chart. He strolls in and I notice his hair has gotten longer, and he looks thinner too. Tired. So incredibly sad. The last few weeks most definitely took a toll on him, but I know it isn't just that. 

He felt it too... the heartache.

And I run for miles just to get a taste.

 

"Let's see here..." he begins, sorting through his paperwork. He's wearing a pair of brown slacks, a white button up and the very vest he wore the last time I was here. God, he is fucking beautiful. Everything about him was. "I don't have you listed with a reason for your visit, other than an emergency. What brings you in toni--"

He finally turns and sees me. His eyes flash with recognition and his words run dry. Many different emotions pass over his features but when one finally settles, it's perturbed confusion. "Why are you here?" he asks, but there isn't any anger in his voice.

I sit up just a bit, letting my legs dangle. "Why am I here?" I echo, my eyes roaming all over the room. "Well... you see, Dr. Yeager, I've been experiencing an excruciating pain that doesn't seem to go away no matter what I do."

And you got me like, oh
What you want from me? (What you want from me?)
And I tried to buy your pretty heart, but the price too high

 

Eren makes a face, but plays along. It's the first time I've really seen any light flash in his eyes in a long time. "Where is it you're experiencing this pain?" he asks, remaining professional.

I lift my hand and place it over the left side of my chest, right above my heart. "Right here," I clarify.

Eren's eyes widen and his mouth parts in silent awe. I wait, gauging his reaction. I can't tell you how incredibly lame I feel, and Eren must have known too. He suddenly groans, slouching slightly while running a hand through his chocolate locks.

"You've got to be kidding me," he starts. "Seriously? Do you realize how cheesy that is?"

I slide off the table, standing on my feet now. "Yeah? Maybe it is. It's just one of the few things you tend to bring out of me when I'm around you."

Eren swallows, backing away slowly. "Levi... I..."

"Look," I began. "I get it. I fucking get it. But, running away without a word won't fix this or make things better."

"I wasn't--I didn't--"

"Yes, you did. After everything we went through together, you fucking took off thinking it was best for both of us. Meanwhile, you look almost sickly and I've been living at headquarters because my entire apartment still smells like you and it drives me fucking insane."

His eyes widen at my confession, but I continue. "I know why you did what you did. I understand." I step closer, and this time, Eren doesn't pull back. He closes his eyes when I reach for him like he's been placed under a spell and he leans into my touch as I place my hand on the side of his face. "You and I are both in dangerous lines of work, and there will always be enemies. But, I know you and I can face them together."

His lips quiver and he lets out a shaky breath. "What if we're bad for each other? What if something like this happens again? I don't..." Eren finally leans into me and I catch him in my arms. "I can't lose you. Not when I love you this much. Not when it hurts this much."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take," I soothe him, placing a kiss on the side of his neck. "The question is, are you willing to take this risk with me? Your heart isn't the only one on the line. I didn't think some clumsy, gorgeous doctor was going to worm his way into my heart and find a place there. After being away from you for so many weeks... it made me realize I don't think I can live without you either."

We pull back and gaze at each other, and I mean every word I say. 

Baby you got me like, oh, mm
You love when I fall apart (fall apart)
So you can put me together
And throw me against the wall

 

I take his hand and place it against my chest, right over my heart. "It isn't going to be easy. I can't promise it will be, but we'll never know until we really try."

He looks down at where I placed his hand and he smiles softly. "Promise me one thing."

"Anything," I say.

He bores his gaze into mine. "Don't lie to me ever again. Don't shut me out."

I reach behind his neck and drag him down until his lips are inches from mine. "I won't. I promise."

He smiles sincerely, and my heart fucking soars. Yep, there it goes. Right out the fucking window. He leans in and I don't hesitate to take his lips into mine. He tastes so fucking good and God, I've missed him so much that my stomach clenches just at his touch. He moans softly against my mouth and I lightly brush my tongue against his lips, demanding entrance into that intoxicating mouth of his. He opens it willingly and presses himself against me. My hands roam all over him and I can't seem to control myself. 

He pulls back, breathless and flush. 

"Also, don't kill anyone on our dates. I'm still pissed about that."

I can't help it, I fucking burst out laughing. He does too. I kiss him again, and again, and again. 

"Hmm..." I hum against him. "We've still got a little time until your next patient, and I want to make every second count with you tonight."

He blinks, still red in the face. "How do you know that?"

I shrug. "Mikasa. I'm also getting sent oversea's the day after tomorrow."

Eren's expression drops instantly, but I lean and lightly nip at his lips. "Don't you worry, gorgeous. I'll be back in a week. That's why I want to take advantage of the time we have right now. I haven't touched you in weeks and I can't lie and say I haven't fucking missed you like crazy."

The brunet groans as I nip at him, and his eyes flash with lust. "What'd you have in mind, Casanova?"

Mikasa knocks on the door, holding a clipboard in her hands. "Eren, your next patient is here. What room should I send him to?"

There isn't any answer, instead, there is only the sound of something clanking. Arching her brows, Mikasa knocks again. "Eren?"

On the other side of the door, Eren is breathing heavily behind a hand clamped over his mouth. His eyes widen as he looks worriedly at the door. Below him, I'm currently holding his hips in place as I continue to drive him up and down on my cock. He bites my hand and I grin, pulling it away while holding a finger to my own lips. "Hush," I instruct him. 

"S-Send them to r-room three! I'll b-be there shortly!"

If Mikasa says anything, neither of us hear it. I hear the sound of her heels as she walks away and I thrust sharply up into Eren's stunning body. He throws his head back, moaning my name shamelessly. We use the metal examination table and I can't lie and say it's very comfortable, but hell, I don't care. All that matters in this moment is Eren and I. And fuck, if he isn't a damn sight right now. Shirt wrinkled and pressed high onto his chest and his ass grinding greedily onto my length. Fuck, my thoughts were scattered and yet all I can focus on is him.

As Eren throws his head back, it collides with the light above the examination table, and he winces while I reach up hastily.

"Fuck, are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah!" he grunts out, not stopping his motions at all. He continues to ride me and I groan deeply in my throat. "D-Don't stop!"

"Clumsy little thing," I growl, reaching for him and expertly switching our positions. He gasps in surprise when he is below me and I withdraw from him and dive back in. He closes his eyes and his mouth falls open in bliss. "Don't want you knocking... yourself unconscious... during sex."

"The impact... w-would have to be more forceful than that. Maybe a s-slight concussion is possible but--"

"Jesus, don't start spewing out medical lingo at me right now," I gasp out, leaning and catching Eren's mouth into my own. He smiles against me, his inner walls tightening around me and nearly making me come right there."

"B-But, it's kinda... fun." He reaches for my chin, grips it gently, and locks his meadows orbs with mine. "Close y-your eyes," he instructs. 

I hesitate with my thrusting for a short moment, but I oblige. I close my eyes while simultaneously continuing to drive into him. 

"Lean forward," he says, more softly. I use one hand to balance myself and the other to grasp his erection. He cries out and I can feel he's dripping. We're both close... so close. I've never felt closer to him than I did in that moment. I do as he says, and I lean forward until our foreheads are touching. I can feel the sweat forming near both of our brows but that doesn't stop us.

"Now," he starts, and he clenches his ass on purpose. I stiffen, and I growl out his name. He smiles knowingly, even in his euphoric state. "Say 'ah'."

I open my mouth, almost laughing as I say ah out loud. As I do, he leans in and captures my lips into his own, kissing my words into silence.

Must be love on the brain
That's got me feeling this way (feeling this way)
It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good
And I can't get enough