Chapter Text
Hey guys, sorry for the late update but I was in a comatose after listening to Trespassing for the first time and could barely function let alone write chapter 2. Anyway this is not a long story so a couple of more chapters to go. I did this very quickly, trying to write behind the boyfriend’s back lol so any errors are my own. I am not an American so I do not use American English in case anyone was wondering :P Enjoy!!!
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Adam wakes up to the sound of his alarm, he reaches for his phone as quietly as he can so as not to wake his sleeping boyfriend who is practically lying on top of him. He turns off his alarm and notices that he has some email notifications; however he opts to check them later as he wants to spend some time cuddling with his man before he heads to the studio. He feels Sauli beginning to stir and tightens his arms around him enjoying his warm weight on him. He has never lived with a boyfriend before but he can not imagine not living with Sauli; coming home to an empty cold house, sleeping alone, missing out on the constant companionship and love that surrounds him on a day to day basis. No, he definitely does not miss being single.
“Morning babe” Sauli’s scratchy voice alerts Adam that his boyfriend is now awake.
“Morning” Adam places a tender kiss on Sauli’s forehead and smiles when he feels Sauli place a kiss on his chest. He absolutely loves how much of a cuddler Sauli is and he knows how much he loves being held in the morning before they start their day. However Adam’s thoughts are far from innocent especially when he feels Sauli’s morning wood pressing against his hip. He nudges Sauli encouraging him to lift his head for a kiss; they had long since established that neither of them cared about morning breath or rather they were too horny to go brush their teeth before their morning fuck.
They begin kissing slowly as Sauli moves to straddle Adam’s hips; the kiss becomes more passionate as their tongues swirl around each other. Adam groans when he feels Sauli grind his ass against his very hard weeping cock. He wraps his hands tightly around his boyfriend’s slim waist and rolls them over settling himself in between Sauli’s splayed thighs. They both groan when their naked cocks rub against each other, the precum acting as lubricant as their wantonly grind their hips into each other.
Adam breaks off the kiss and starts kissing along Sauli’s jaw making his way to his neck and collarbones. He places wet and open mouthed kisses on every inch of his man’s golden chest, spending several minutes sucking and tugging at his nipples much to the pleasure of Sauli who is moaning rather loudly. He settles himself between Sauli’s legs and spreads his thighs wider apart; he would like to take his time teasing his boyfriend but he knows he is on a time constraint. He buries his face in Sauli’s groin, inhaling the musky scent that he loves.
“You smell so fucking good baby. I could spend all day down here” Adam says as he presses his nose against Sauli’s balls that are heavy with need. He licks one of them sucking it into his mouth as Sauli cries out in pleasure.
“Oh God….fuck….fuck….so good”
Adam lets go of the sac and pulls the other one into his mouth sucking hard. He releases it and lifts both balls to lick the sensitive skin just above Sauli’s quivering bud.
“Baby please suck my dick….I need you so bad” Sauli says as he grabs a fistful of Adam’s hair and guides his head to his aching cock. He is so hard the tip is almost purple and it’s starting to hurt.
Adam places a kiss on the tip of Sauli’s dick and licks it from base to the head as he sucks it into his mouth moaning at the taste of his boyfriend. He releases it with an audible pop from his mouth and peels back the foreskin blowing at the head.
“Fuck…oh fuck…shit baby” Sauli throws his head back against the pillows arching his back at the overwhelming sensations.
“I love it when you’re like this babe…so feral…so raw…common fuck my mouth” Adam says as he puts his hands under his boyfriend’s ass encouraging him to thrust into him mouth. Sauli holds Adam’s head in place and starts lifting his hips thrusting his cock into his boyfriend’s eager mouth. Adam lifts one of his hands sticking two fingers into Sauli’s mouth which he eagerly licks; when they are slick with saliva, Adam withdraws them and shoves them deep into his man’s ass. Sauli shouts out his pleasure when Adam’s fingers brush against his prostrate, he is so loud that sure his neighbors heard him and probably think he is being butchered to death.
Adam swirls his tongue repeatedly over the head of Sauli’s cock concentrating on slit and the glands on the underside. He sucks the whole shaft into his mouth creating a vacuum by sucking in his cheeks; when the head hits the back of his throat he swallows around it constricting it. He moans and the vibrations around Sauli’s cock prove too much as spurt after spurt of hot cum floods his throat. He swallows every last drop as he reaches for his own dick, he is so turned on by his boyfriend’s look of ecstasy that he comes that after a few strokes.
Adam climbs back on top of his man kissing him as they share the taste of Sauli’s release. They spend the next several minutes making out, caressing and whispering words of adoration. Adam is proud to see the flushed look on his baby’s face and how he doesn’t seems coherent at the moment knowing he is responsible for it. Sauli peppers kisses all over Adam’s face thanking him and tells him how much he loves and adores him.
Adam looks at the clock and realizes he is cutting it way too close and he needs to get ready if he is going to make it on time to the studio. He drags his boyfriend to the shower and they reverently wash each other. He gets dressed as Sauli goes down to prepare a quick breakfast for them. When he is ready he kisses his boyfriend goodbye and walks to the car with a spring in his step wondering for the umpteenth time how he got so lucky. He drives to the studio his mind already on work-mode thinking of the lyrics he wants to add to the song he is currently working on.
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Sauli sits on the park bench people watching; he is waiting for his friend Lotta. They had made plans to meet up and just hang out for the day. He thinks back to the last couple of weeks with his boyfriend….the thought of Adam sends a flutter of excitement through his heart as he remembers their morning shenanigans. He had asked Adam to set aside a weekend so they can go on a quick get-away just the two of them; he didn’t care what or where they went, he just wanted to have his man’s undivided attention if only for a couple of days. Adam has promised to do his best and he seemed excited at the prospect as well. Sauli did not want to be selfish and try to monopolize Adam’s time but he did not think it was a bad thing to want some quality time with his partner.
If he was back in Finland at least he would be busy helping out his dad and that consumed a lot of his day as the jobs he did were usually labor intensive. However for him to get employed by an American company he would have to face a lot of red tape to get working papers and he did not know if it was worth the hassle. Besides which his current visa allowed him to stay in America indefinitely as long as he continued to work for a Finnish media outlet which he was in a small capacity.
He knew some of Adam’s fans thought he was nothing but an opportunist and a gold digger who latched on to Adam with hopes of a better life in the US. It seemed they did not understand the personal sacrifices he made to come here; his dad had his own business that made millions of dollars in revenue, coupled with the fact that he had made some wise investments over the years and while he was not the richest man in Finland, he was quite prosperous in his own right. In the end he knew that he came from a good family and had left his whole life back in his home country so that he could be with his love; who was worth every sacrifice.
Sauli reaches for his phone when he feels its buzzing in his pocket, he smiles when he sees the name Danielle flashing on the screen. They regularly keep in touch and she usually calls when she needs a shopping buddy or just wants to check up on him. He laughs at her usual greeting; he doesn’t know why she refers to him as her Finnish cupcake but he always has a laugh talking to her. They speak for a few minutes and he fills her in on his plans with Lotta; they hang up with plans to hook up soon. He sends a quick text to Adam telling him he loves him and misses him. Just as he is putting his phone away, his friend shows up, they had planned to go surfing later in the day but first they have to go buy their wet suits. He is so excited and can not wait to tell his boyfriend of his adventures if he manages to get home on time.
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Sauli watches Adam pack for his trip, his boyfriend is going to Europe for two weeks on a promo tour. He has all but given up any idea of a get away because there seems to be something that always comes up that has precedence to them going out of town for a few days. The worst part is that he seems to be the only one who is disappointed by the turn of events, while Adam expressed his frustrations with his schedule it seemed he did not mind as much.
“Baby, please stop pouting, I will be back before you know it.” Adam does not seem to understand why Sauli is being so morose about his impending trip. It’s not like he has not travelled before and Sauli seemed to be okay with it. He leans over the bed and sucks his boyfriend’s delectable pouty bottom lip before kissing him deeply.
“I’ll miss you, that’s all” Sauli replies when they break apart.
“Awww I’ll miss you too baby…I’ll be sure to bring you something good from London” Adam smiles and resumes his packing. He wonders what has been going on with Sauli lately, he has been acting off and when he asks him what’s wrong he shrugs it off saying he is just homesick.
That night as they make love, Adam can’t help but notice how desperate Sauli is, clinging on to him like he is afraid that he will disappear if he lets go. Adam can’t help but feel guilty and makes note to do something special and romantic for his man when he comes back from his trip. He has been so busy and everything has been go-go-go that he has not had time to just relax. He leaves the next morning after another steamy session with Sauli and gives him a lengthy kiss and hug before he leaves for the airport.
Over the next several days, he meets members of the press, does some photo shoots for magazine articles and does some radio tours but his favorite part is meeting fans who are so excited about his upcoming album. He tries to Skype with Sauli as much as possible but with the time difference and his busy program they have not gotten to talk much. He notices that the usual sparkle in Sauli’s eyes is gone and he is not as animated as he normally is. Adam chalks it up to missing him as well as his family; the guilt hits him again and he makes a point of buying him some really nice boots and a very expensive but beautiful chain when he goes out shopping. He really misses his boyfriend and cannot wait to get home when he is done with his obligations in Europe.
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The sun sets over the LA sky as Sauli sits in the backyard enjoying a smoke; he feels like a cloud has been hanging over his head since Adam left for London. He has tried to shake off any negative feelings that keep creeping in but at the moment he feels so insignificant in his boyfriend’s life. It hurts to his very soul when his boyfriend can only spare him a few minutes of his time yet that brief interaction is the highlight of his day; he looks forward to every text, phone call and Skype session he has with Adam no matter how brief. He can’t say the same for Adam though, he feels that he is just a by the way for his partner and that thought saddens him to no end.
Since Adam left, he has gone out with a couple of friends and a few of Adam’s close friends and even his mum have all called to make sure he is not too bored without Adam around. He appreciates their concern but right now more than ever he wishes he was back home in Finland. As if sensing his distress from miles away, he hears his phone ringing and when he reaches for it he is so relieved to see his twin sister’s name on the screen. He is so happy to hear her voice but she immediately knows there is something wrong from his dejected tone. When she asks him what is bothering him, it all comes spilling out and he is embarrassed when he feels his eyes welling up with tears when he explains how loneliness that has become his constant companion of late.
His sister doesn’t interrupt and lets him finish his tirade; it feels good to talk to someone that understands him completely and has always been his biggest supporter. She asks him if he has talked to Adam and expressed his concerns to him. Sauli considers the question and realizes that he has been acting a martyr suffering in silence when he could have easily approached Adam with his concerns. She empathizes with him and tells him that she loves him and wishes she could be there to give him a big hug. Sauli affectionately teases his sister telling her he is a big boy now and doesn’t need her coddling. When he asks her why she called, she explains that it his nephew’s birthday in a two week’s time and she would really like for him to come to Finland as Emre has been asking about him.
Sauli feels guilty since he has missed a lot of important days in his family’s life and tells her that he will definitely come even if it’s only for a week. They tentatively agree that he can fly in on Sunday and stay for a week and leave the following Saturday back to LA. She insists on paying for the tickets and asks him to consult with Adam and let her know so she can book as soon as possible. As she hangs up she ¬tells him to stop being such an emo bitch and to have an open discussion with Adam when he returns. Sauli laughs feeling so much better after their conversation and resolves to have a talk with his man when he returns in less than a week.
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Adam looks around the table at the faces of his friends and family; thankful for all the warmth and laughter that surrounds him. It is a Friday evening and he is hosting his mum, dad, brother and a few other close friends. They decided to have a welcome home dinner for him at his house; his boyfriend and mum prepared a sumptuous feast that everyone seems to really enjoy. He looks to his right and stares at Sauli who is talking to Lotta in Finnish and they are giggling about something. He puts his hand on Sauli’s thigh and squeezes; his boyfriend looks at him and winks before turning back to his friend.
He has been home for a little over a week and was so jetlagged that he has spent the first day sleeping in. He was so excited to see his baby and the reunion sex was one for the books, they were so needy for each other that they did not make it to the bedroom. Adam smiles to himself as he remembers how they fucked on the couch with such reckless abandon; they barely lasted ten minutes before they came. He was happy with Sauli’s reaction to his presents but his heart melted when Sauli told him he didn’t need any gifts since him being home was the best gift he could give him.
Adam had spent the week having meetings with the record label, he has almost finished the album and he was to present the songs to the execs and let them decide which ones they liked best. It was a lot of politics and Adam wishes he did not have to deal with it, but he realizes this is part of being a recording artist and he has to play the game and sell his vision and ideas so that they could release the album the way he envisioned it. The good news was that he would be much more free over the next few weeks and could spend more time with his boyfriend. However Sauli had told him that he wished to go back to Finland for a week and they had not discussed when he would fly out but its was either Sunday or Monday and as much as Adam would miss him, he could not deny him the chance to attend his nephew’s birthday.
“So Sauli how did you like Venice beach?” Danielle asks his boyfriend.
“It was amazing; Lotta and I had a lot of fun”
“That reminds me, I printed a ton of pics and wanted you to have them.” Lotta excitedly says as she pulls a wad of photos from her purse and starts passing them around.
When they reach Adam and he starts flipping through them, he feels like he has been punched in the gut. There are so many photos of Sauli in various locations; shops, beaches, museums, amusement parks, restaurants and other places in LA. He is smiling in all of them; some he has posed with Lotta and other are solo pics while others are with people that Adam does not know. It feels like there is this whole other life that Sauli has that he is not privy to. In fact he is not even aware that Sauli had visited some of the places in the pictures. He listens as Sauli and Lotta regale the group with all their adventures; Lotta is telling them of how they went to the amusement park and when they were on the rollercoaster Sauli was so scared that he clung to her the whole time and almost cried in relief when it was over.
Has he been so involved in his own projects and thoughts that he did not bother to find out what his boyfriend has been doing? If someone asked him what Sauli had been up to in the last month, will he be able to answer them? Adam feels his heart start to pound as anxiety grips him…is this why Sauli has been acting weird of late? Adam refills his wine glass and drinks it down rather quickly; he catches Danielle’s eye and she gives him a look as if to ask if he is okay. He nods and smiles at her but by the look on her face it looks like she is not buying it at all.
As the night progresses Adam has worked himself into a frenzy, his insecurities seem to be emerging making him imagine the worst case scenarios. He feels the effects of the wine that he has generously consumed through the night; when Sauli asked if he was okay he had answered that he just felt tired. Most of the guests had left; it was just him, Sauli, Lotta and Danielle in the house. His best friend managed to corner him when Sauli and Lotta when out to have a smoke.
“Hey you, so want to tell me what’s been up your ass all night?” She asks in a no nonsense tone.
“Nothing…I was just thinking”
“About?”
“Danny what kind of man doesn’t know what goes on in his boyfriend’s life yet they live under the same roof. I know I have been busy and I haven’t had a lot of time to spend with Sauli; but it feels like he has this other life that I am not apart of and pretty soon he’ll realize that he doesn’t need me in his life at all” Adam says as he heads for the liquor cabinet taking out a bottle of Tequila and reaches for two shot glasses. He knows Danielle is taking a cab to her place so he doesn’t feel bad about offering her the shot.
“Has Sauli said anything to you about it?”
“No he hasn’t but he has been asking for us to go on a weekend get away but I have been so busy I have not gotten time to do so. He has been acting off lately though and I chalked it up to him being homesick but I don’t know anymore.” Adam pours himself another shot and downs it, hissing at the burn. He is well past tipsy and is heading for full on drunk.
“Drinking isn’t going to help anything you know,” Danielle takes the Tequila bottle after Adam pours himself another shot and puts it back to the cabinet. “Listen sweetie, you know I love you right?”
“Of course I do”
“Yeah well you tend to over analyze things and read too much into everything. Why don’t you pull on those fierce big girl panties and talk to your boyfriend so that you don’t freak yourself out more”
Their conversation is halted when they hear Sauli and Lotta approaching them; Sauli heads over to stand next to Adam wrapping an arm around his waist. Adam pulls his boyfriend closer placing a kiss on his forehead. Lotta informs Danielle that their cab has arrived; they live in the same area and decided to share a cab home. Adam and Sauli see them off and after they leave they head to the kitchen taking the glasses the girls had just used.
Adam has never been known for his patience so he decides to tackle the problem head on. “Baby, I was looking at the pics Lotta brought with her today and why didn’t you tell me about all the places you guys had gone.”
A heavy silence fills the room as Sauli thinks how best to answer that question; he opts for honesty, “You did not seem interested in what was happening in my life.”
“What are you talking about? Of course I am interested.” Adam is stunned at his boyfriend’s response.
“Adam you are never here and when you are we hardly have anytime together. Sometimes you are here physically but your mind is so far away that I feel like I’m all alone in the room. When was the last time we did anything just the two of us huh? When was the last time you had time for me and me alone? So forgive me for not thinking that you may not be interested in what I do during our time apart” Sauli is trying to keep his voice calm but all his pent up emotions just pour out of him and his voice rises as he continues to speak.
Adam is astonished at the bitterness in Sauli’s voice. Has he been feeling this for a long time; if so why hasn’t he said anything till now. His bewilderment soon turns to anger, “So if you have been feeling like this the whole time why the fuck haven’t you said anything? I am not a fucking mind reader to know how you feel Sauli. I thought we were adults here and part of being in an adult relationship is communication; you do know what that means don’t you?”
Sauli bristles at the condescending tone in Adam’s voice, “Well why should I force you to take an interest in my life? I always…always make it a point of knowing what is going on in your life. You seem to give two shits about me and it seems I come pretty low in your list of priorities”
“Where the fuck do you get off making me the bad guy. Don’t we spend almost every night having dinner together and making love?”
“Oh right, I forgot I am just the guy who slaves over the stove to have a hot meal waiting for you when you get home and the guy you get to fuck every morning and evening or when the need arises.” Sauli shouts back.
“That is so not fair…..is that how you see our life? Have you become so disillusioned in this relationship that that is what you see us as?”
“I don’t know anymore, all I know is that I spend more time alone or with other people than I do with you. All I know is that when you can’t spare enough time for me….for us that a little part of me dies because it seems I am the only one that cares to put in any effort in this relationship.” Sauli is trying to fight off the tears he feels stinging at his eyes; he did not envision their conversation going like this at all.
“Oh poor Sauli, you know you want to play the victim here but again why the fuck didn’t you tell me how you were feeling? I’m I supposed to guess why you are feeling down? How many times have I fucking asked you what was bothering you and you shrugged it off saying you were homesick?”
Sauli keeps quiet knowing that Adam has a point.
“How many times Sauli? Nothing to say for yourself….yeah that’s what I thought. So get off your high fucking horse and stop making me the villain. I thought you could handle my work and my schedule…was I wrong in thinking that?”
“Maybe I am not strong enough to handle it Adam. Maybe I want a boyfriend that doesn’t have to be reminded that he is not spending enough time with me. Maybe I want someone that can spare me more than a few minutes of his time. Maybe I just want to feel that I matter to you….that I am here and that I exist.” Sauli can’t stop the tears that are running down his face.
Adam’s heart clenches as the implication of his boyfriend’s words. “So what are you saying that you want to break up with me?”
“Adam I love you….with everything I am I love you. I just want to feel like I matter in your life…that is not too much to ask is it?”
“So what is it that you want me to do exactly? To stop working…to clear my whole schedule for you? Not all of us have the luxury of watching TV and doing some stupid internet show and filling up a blog with senseless chatter” Adam replied mindlessly, his anger fueled by the alcohol running in his system.
Sauli gasps at the cruel words coming out of Adam’s mouth; he feels like someone had physically punched him in the gut. Is that how Adam saw him? Is that what he thought of him? Hadn’t he always gone on and on about supporting him regardless of what he chose to do? He felt physically ill and knew he couldn’t continue this conversation because they would end up saying worse things that they couldn’t take back.
Adam was taken aback by the words he had uttered he couldn’t believe he had said such a cruel thing to his boyfriend. “Baby, I didn’t…..” he stopped when Sauli held up his hand signaling he did not want to hear anymore.
“I think we have said enough for tonight…I’m going to sleep in the guest room. I would appreciate it if you left me alone for the night.” Sauli’s voice was cold almost mechanical as he left the kitchen. He wiped off the tears streaming down his face though it did not make a difference as other fell generously from his eyes. He heard Adam cursing and talking to himself but he could not be bothered to comfort him at the moment. He needed to get out of that room; he went into the guest room and locked the door. He pulled out his phone dialing his twin sister’s number; he needed her so bad right now. When she picked up he begged her to book the first flight out of Los Angeles. When she asked him what was going on, he asked her to please do as he asked. She got on the computer as he held on; she informed him that there was a flight leaving the next day in the morning at 9:30 am. He told her to book the flight and to pick him up from the airport he would explain everything to her when he got there.
He stripped out of his clothes and got into bed in his briefs, he stared at the ceiling replaying the fight he had just had with Adam. He needed to get away from this place, he needed perspective and he couldn’t get that with his boyfriend in the next room. He knew it was the coward’s way out, him leaving impromptu but he didn’t care, he was going to be selfish and do what was right for him. He turned on his side clutching one of the pillows, hugging it tight to his body. He would give anything to be in his boyfriend’s strong arms but too much had been said tonight for that to happen.
Sauli hears a loud crash followed by Adam cursing, he sat up quickly his heart racing; as hurt as he was by his boyfriend he couldn’t bear it if he got injured. He waited in silence for any more movement; he heard Adam come up the stairs and his footsteps stopped outside his door. He could see his shadow at the foot of the door; he held his breath waiting to see what Adam would do. After several minutes he finally left and Sauli could hear their bedroom door close shut. He lay back on his pillow as a sob of anguish escaped him; he hated this, he hated fighting with Adam but he couldn’t put aside all that had been said tonight. He just wanted to be home surrounded by familiar faces; he felt like he had lost himself here and maybe he needed to get some perspective on things if they were to have a shot at making their relationship work. With those thoughts in mind he fell into a restless uneasy sleep after setting his alarm for 5:00 am.
Sauli was awake before his alarm went off, his heart felt so heavy and he was dreading what he was about to do. He went into the guest bathroom and quickly showered and brushed his teeth with the extra toothbrush reserved for guests. He tiptoed into the master bedroom; his heart clenched when he saw Adam sprawled out on the bed an empty bottle of tequila besides him. He had not bothered changing or getting under the covers. Sauli quickly walked into their closet and put a few clothes and other personal belongings in one of his suitcases; making sure to grab his passport and wallet. When he had everything he needed, he made his way downstairs and placed his suitcase next to the door. He walked into Adam’s office and pulled out a pen and paper writing that he had opted to leave for Finland earlier than they had discussed and that he would let him know when he landed. He debated on what to sign off as but he couldn’t bear to leave it so impersonal so he wrote “Love u. S/”
He went back into the kitchen and got out a bottle of water; he went back up to their bedroom and put the water on the nightstand on Adam’s side of the bed as well as three pain killers. He leaned over his sleeping boyfriend and kissed his forehead, whispering his love to the prone figure; a tear escaped his eye and landed on Adam’s hair. He placed the letter he had written on his pillow. With one last glance at his love, he left the bedroom his eyes blurred with tears. He hoped he was doing the right thing by leaving and that Adam would not be too mad at him. He knew if he stayed here he would grow even more bitter and may end up doing irreparable damage to their relationship. He walked to the door and gathered his things in one hand, with one last glance at the house that he had made a home, he walked out to wait for the taxi on the driveway.