Chapter Text
It was all a blurry haze for Adam. He didn’t understand what was happening or where was his lover. He was scared to ask, he just wanted to go back to that beautiful moment just minutes ago.
“He’s at the hospital Adam, he went with the ambulance that was already here in case of an emergency.” Tommy spoke from next to him. He was holding his hand tight and both of his hands were stained in blood. There was something seriously wrong here, why wasn’t Tommy assuring him that his lover is going to be ok? Why was he crying?
“P-please, tell me he’s ok. Tommy, tell me he’s fine.” Adam begged and squeezed Tommy’s hand harder. Tommy lowered his gaze and hid behind his bangs as he made a heartbreaking snob noise. Adam felt his stomach drop as he became paralised with fear.
“Mr. Lambert?” A soft voice from next to him said. It was the man in uniform whose presences Adam had totally forgotten about. “We came really fast and got him into an ambulance where they proceeded to stop the bleeding and by now he’s probably in the hospital into the operating room, we’re waiting for the ambulance to come and take you as well because you suffered a concussion from the fall. I have forbidden the police to talk to you before we know that you’re completely conscious, mainly because I know you don’t want to talk with them under this circumstances.” The young man said as calmly and he could with a hard accent. It was then that Adam because aware of the world around him and noticed police man talking pictures, talking to people
“Oh my God! What happened? I don’t, I don’t understand!” Adam grabbed the back of his head with both hands and started crying.
“It looks like that spot light broke from the beam, it landed on the other man’s ribcage, the sharp end of it stabbed the skin of the lower hollow part between the ribs, probably didn’t damage anything important but caused a major bleeding, that however is not what concerns me. Most of his ribs were crushed and one of his lung, if not both of them were pierced by the bone. He was barely breathing and spitting blood. I was the first to get to him; he tried to talk before he blacked out, but I’m afraid I couldn’t make out was he said, I don’t think it was in English.” Adam was gripping at his blood stained t-shirt and crying his eyes out shaking his head as though he didn’t believe any of this. That spot light should have fallen on him, not his precious lover.
Why didn’t he do something?
Why didn’t he react faster?
He should have been the one looking out for Sauli and being careful. Sauli didn’t even want to be there on the bench, he had suggested they leave sooner, but Adam insisted they wait inside. This was all Adam’s fault.
“I know it’s hard for you sir, but could you please tell me what had happened? I need to inform the police at least about this and it might help medical wise too.” The young medical assistant asked soft but firm enough so Adam could hear him and Tommy continued to pet Adam’s upper arm.
“We, we were on the bench… I was on top of him.” Adam stopped for a moment, not because he was worried what that sentence implied, but he was trying to remember.
“We were kissing and I felt something was wrong, when I looked at min I was he was staring frighten at something above us.” Adam closed his eye, remembered the fear he saw in Sauli, something he had never seen quite yet.
“Then he pushed me off… Why did he do that?! Why didn’t he let that damn thing fall on me?” Adam curled into a ball, shaking violently and sobbing loudly.
“You’re lucky he didn’t. With the weight and height of that thing, it landing on your back would have completely shattered your spine, leaving you a vegetable at best. Please, try not to blame yourself.” Adam didn’t even had time to process the fact that his lover saved his life because a cop showed up and said something to the medical assistant who replayed and then the cop left.
“What is it?” Tommy asked, Adam looked lost in his own head.
“He said that the cords holding the spot light up were cut by someone… I’m afraid this wasn’t and accident. They will need to talk to you later, see it you might have had people who wished you harm.” Adam wanted to replay to the medical assistant that he didn’t think that anyone he knew or met would ever be capable of anything like this, but he couldn’t find words, his brain was a panic mess of information that just wouldn’t connect. Then he left the grip on his hand loosen and he looked at Tommy, who looked pail white and shocked as hell.
“Son of a bitch!” Tommy yelled got up and ran somewhere backstage.
“Sir! Where are you going?!” The young assistant yelled.
“Tommy.” Adam said quietly. He was staring at the metal floor again, wishing it would take him to another place to a happy place where his lover was near him, blessing him with that lovely smile.
“Mr. Lambert, please come with me the ambulance is here and we will take you to the hospital.” Adam got up and let himself be guided to the ambulance by this person. After the ambulance took off Adam noticed the young man was in there with him, sitting on the chair across from him. His eyes were a bit glassy.
“What, what is it?” Adam said in a scared voice.
“Nothing, I’m sorry.” He said and rubbed at his eyes. “Listen, your boyfriend is still in surgery will probably be in there for a few hours, but the doctors won’t give you any information about his state because they need his next of kind to do that. The fact that you’re his boyfriend won’t matter because homosexuality is illegal here. You’re band mates have contacted his parents and already got them on a plane they should be here by tomorrow, but I’ll ask the doctor about his state every time I see him and inform you, so please stay calm.” Adam placed his palms on his face and started openly crying. He wouldn’t survive without Sauli, not for one day, not for one second. The young man made his way to the chair next to Adam and placed a hand on Adam’s back, encouraging him to let it all out and supporting him through it, not telling him to stop or making false promises.
They arrived at the hospital; Isaac and his manager were already there, talking to people. They both hugged him, yet Adam was trying really hard to focus more on the mass of assistants and doctors going in and out of a room at the far end of the corridor.
“He’s still alive, he lost a lot of blood, they don’t have enough blood type “O” I gave all I could, I think that’s your blood type too, right?” Isaac said softly.
“Yes.” Adam responded fast, he would give all his blood, he would let the take his heart out and squeeze every drop of his life essence if that would save Sauli.
Isaac was talking to an older man, who then came to Adam and asked him to follow him in a heavy accented voice. He was taken to a white room with two beds and some medical equipment.
“I have to ask questions before we start.” Adam was pulled out of his trance by the rough voice and rough English. He just nodded.
“When was the last time you were tested?” Adam was taken by surprise by the question. Is that how you actually start this?
“Three months ago.” Adam answered, he knew he had no strength to deal with this now; he needed to give blood to his lover, as soon as possible.
“And when was the last time you had unprotected sex with a man?” Adam’s face immediately rose up to meet the man’s disgusted face. Adam was shocked and appalled, he was sure this was not hos this should go. That’s not how a proper survey goes for this things, the man was not being professional. Hasn’t he been through enough hate? Hasn’t it been enough that he had to go through his whole life being looked down on and discriminate? Couldn’t people take it easy on him, at least now? He was in his most vulnerable state ever; he had no strength to fight the man, to contradict him, to stand up for his rights. He just wanted to ask for mercy, for forgiveness of whatever wrong he had did towards the man and give up the fight.
“I haven’t had unprotected sex.” He said as his tears were falling down and he lowered his gaze in defeat, never before feeling so week and shattered.
“Fine, whatever you say. Lay down on the bed.” The man brutally inserted a needle in Adam’s arm and attached to a hose and a bag that was hanged on a hook. “I will come in 10 minutes to collect the blood.” The man said and quickly left.
Adam was left in the poor lighten room looking at his blood filling the bag.
Three hours had passed and Adam is in the waiting room, back in the present, where the window across the room was offering an easy escape from all of this torture.
He had spoken to the police man and turns out the caught the guy who did it, Tommy had caught him and was beating the living hell out of him when the police got there, he confessed just to make Tommy stop. Tommy had seen every mean look the man gave them the whole time they were together and saw him go up on the beam as he went backstage for the guitar. When Adam said Sauli was something on the beam Tommy put two and two together and went after him. The man pressed charged against Tommy but Tommy would just get out with a fee, not something that could be said for that sick man, his manager said he had really good people on the job. Adam was glad Tommy was ok, but he didn’t care much right now for that psychopath.
“Mr. Lambert?” Adam looked up when he finally head that someone was addressing him. It was that medical assistant from before; he was wearing a timid smile. “Mr. Koskinen’s operation is over.” Adam immediately rose up from the chair, towering over the young man.
“How…?!” Adam let out in a shivering voice.
“The operation went well, he was moved into intensive care. I won’t lie to you, his state is still delicate, he has a rough night ahead of him, but the worst has passed. His parents fight was delayed but we have a written and signed approval for you to see him and to be allowed information regarding his state.” Adam could barely dare to look hopeful at the man.
“Can I... now?” Adam was so week and let down that he didn’t know if he could believe this little ray of light that was showing itself.
“Yes, but not for long. He is not awake yet either.” One second would be enough; he needed to see with his own eyes that his lover was still here.
The man asked him to wear plastic gloves and a mask and led Adam to a room on the floor above them. He walked behind the man, he could feel his heartbeat fasten and his hands start to shake.
The man stopped and opened a door then stepped out of the way inviting Adam in.
“I will call you out in a few minutes.” Adam tightened his fists and held his breath as he walked in. It was a room with no windows just a lot of equipment and three beds. Adam gasped and felt his knees go week as he spotted Sauli in the middle bed. There were a lot of cables attached to him and an air mask on his mouth, he was covered half way to the chest with a lite blanket , both his hands were out. Adam was afraid to get closer, he could barely face a sight like this, but he had to, he needed to be closer to his loved on, to give him power and strength in a time like this, to let him know how much he loved him even if he was unable to hear it. As he got near he noticed his entire upper half was bandaged and his right arm was in a cast.
Adam dropped to his knees at the left side on Sauli’s bed crying soundless, he knew he will forever blame himself for this, he was the cause of this perfect man’s suffering, he did this. Slowly he traced one finger over Sauli’s tattooed left arm, the touch alone was such a big comfort for Adam, to know that his lover was there, near him, still breathing, he wished he could feel Sauli’s breath, the breath that the machine was taking and giving to him. A huge number of emotions were running through Adam, he realized that even though he felt utterly week and destroyed Adam will forever have have to fight and rise up, he had to take care of his lover, of the person who risked his life for him. Sauli was giving Adam power to take all of this in, to realize that he has a reason to live his life and never give up or give into the cruelness and hatred that exists in this mad world and to never blame himself for the things that they do. To forever live a proud life and never bow down his head for anyone. Adam leaned in and placed a kiss on Sauli’s forehead.
“Thank you. Stay strong for me my love.” Adam whispered to Sauli then got up and walked out of the room, his head held higher than ever.
………………………………
Three days later Adam was sitting in a hospital room on a chair next to Sauli’s bed, holding his lover’s hand in a tight grip and watching his lover's perfect smile as it lighten up the room.
“You should get more sleep. I’ll be here next to you watching out for your dreams.” Adam said and kissed Sauli’s hand.
“Ok, but sing to me.” Sauli said quietly, his voice still shaky.
Adam smiled, his heart was again whole and the pieces of his soul were sewed back together.
"Oh, nowhere left to go
Are we getting closer, closer?
No, all we know is no
Nights are getting colder, colder
Hey
Tears all fall the same
We all feel the rain
We can't change
Everywhere we go
We're lookin' for the sun
Nowhere to grow old
We're always on the run
They say we'll rot in hell
But I don't think we will
They've branded us enough
Outlaws of love
Scars make us who we are
Hearts and homes are broken, broken
Far, we could go so far
With our minds wide open, open
Hey
Tears all fall the same
We all feel the rain
We can't change
And everywhere we go
We're lookin' for the sun
Nowhere to grow old
we're always on the run
They say we'll rot in hell
But I don't think we will
They've branded us enough
Outlaws of love"