Chapter Text
Alex stepped out of his car into the stale morning breeze. The school always felt lifeless in the hours before the children arrived, but today was especially numbing. The bricks of the building looked desaturated. The rows of closed blinds on the windows were reminiscent of an abandoned building. Was this what schools shapeshifted into on the weekends? The meeting ahead, however, was what really sent a chill to Alex’s bones.
He shoved his car door closed. The slam echoed back at him seconds later, three parking spaces over. He turned to see Miles staring at him over the top of his car, shades sliding down his nose. He had gotten a haircut, Alex noticed.
They froze under the weight of sudden company. A moment, a small infinity, passed. Neither broke eye contact. This meeting was going to break a few bones, and they both knew it. Barker rarely ever called mandatory sit-downs with the school council, and never had they been scheduled for a Saturday morning before. This was to ensure that everyone could attend. Every teacher, every member of the council, every parent that wanted to voice their concerns. No one would go to bed tonight without mulling over the ins and outs of Alex and Miles’s forbidden romance within the school.
At least Alex would finally have something in common with the council for a change.
“Are you as excited for this as I am?” Miles asked.
Alex shook his head.
“Yeah,” Miles said quietly. He looked at the school. Another infinity passed. “I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the worst outcome, you know?”
“What do you think that will be?”
“Dunno, Al.” Their eyes locked again. “I really have no idea what to expect.”
A guilt settled on the back of Alex’s tongue. This was the same guilt that had kept him up all night. The same guilt he had tried to dissect for hours. ‘If only,’ he kept telling himself. If only he had been more careful. If only he hadn’t toyed with Miles’s emotions so much. If only he hadn’t been so jealous and hostile towards Missy. If only they had started dating ages ago, the correct way, and told the school when feelings started arising. Then maybe it wouldn’t feel like their livelihoods were on the line that morning.
“Only one way to find out, I suppose,” Alex sighed.
Miles adjusted his sunglasses. “Let’s give ‘em hell.”
“I for one don’t want to be sending my children to an unstable environment.”
“I assure everyone, the children are perfectly safe-”
“Was there ever a question of safety? Or stability, for that matter?”
“This school is increasingly unstable.”
Alex kept his eyes trained to the blank table in front of him. The meeting was in the cafeteria. The lunch tables had been arranged into a very large rectangle, allotting space for each participant. His anxiety had reached a peak before the meeting when Miles chose to sit in the seat next to him. Another log on the already blazing fire… Now, however, in the midst of trial and debate, the only reassurance Alex found was in the elbow protruding into his table space. He welcomed the distraction. It was as close to a supporting hand on his shoulder as he could get at the moment. Occasionally, Miles would look at Alex from the corner of his eye, but the connection was limited given the topic of discussion.
“We don’t know how long they’ve been influencing our children,” Mrs. Laughlin continued. She had taken it upon herself to be the voice of all the parents. She’d made her distaste known the moment she walked into the room. Alex watched her face bend and twist into all sorts of ugly grimaces. And to think all this time that Mr. Laughlin had been seen as the sour of the two parents. Poor Brody… “You didn’t even know any of this was happening, Principal Barker, which leads me to believe you’re running this school on a very loose leash.”
Barker’s hands remained folded in his lap. He was relaxed back in his chair, as if enjoying a theatrical show unraveling before him. He was watching puppies run around and fight each other until they were too tired to resist whatever settlement he came to. Smart man, Alex thought. “I believe the fact that I didn’t know shows just how private this matter was and proves no reason to be alarmed.”
Mrs. Till piped up, “Why is it cause to be alarmed, exactly?”
“Thank you,” Miles interjected.
Mrs. Laughlin spoke over him. “Two men flaunting their relationship should not be allowed around children as susceptible as preschoolers.”
“Why?” Mrs. Till argued. “Homosexual relations exist in the world. Why keep that bit of trivia from the children?”
“We as the parents will decide when our children are ready for that conversation. Correct me if I’m wrong, but two employees are prohibited from starting a relationship within the school for this very reason.”
“Well,” Barker weighed, “our reasons are geared towards keeping the staff free of conflicting interests.”
“I believe this has caused sufficient conflict,” Mrs. Laughlin scoffed.
“Agreed, though the problem is not within our staff…”
Alex bit a smile.
Mrs. Laughlin did not bite her sneer. “Are you implying that I am the problem? That we, the parents, are the problem?”
“No, Mrs. Laughlin.” Barker sat forward now. “May I remind everyone that we are here to find a solution to the concerns that you all have addressed. As I said when we began the meeting, this is not an invitation to analyze individual members of the staff, but rather to offer and take suggestions on creating a comfortable atmosphere for all of you and your children here.”
The room rumbled with quiet mutterings. Alex risked looking up at Barker. The principal calmly studied the faces around him, open and unafraid of handling whatever sentence may be thrown at him next. Perhaps Alex had misjudged the principal’s ability to handle crises.
“I would be comfortable if they stepped down,” Mrs. Laughlin said.
The rumbling of the room erupted for a moment. Alex heard Diane laugh out loud, and Mrs. Till began to voice some suggestions that sounded more like aerobic practice. Some parents agreed with Laughlin, it seemed. The word ‘transfer’ echoed a few times. Alex’s leg began to bounce, and a second later, a foot pressed against the back of his, holding his heel in place against the floor.
“Breathe,” he heard Miles say under his breath. Alex did as he was told.
“No one is stepping down,” Barker fought. His voice climbed to be heard. “A reasonable conclusion can be found without anyone losing their positions at our school.”
“I don’t see how any other outcome would work,” a man said. He sat to the side, out of sight, and Alex didn’t recognize the voice. “They’ll be right back to sneaking around closed doors if we let them both stay.”
“That’s true,” someone chimed.
Diane clicked her tongue. “Can I ask what everyone thinks was happening? What were you all told? That the two of them were abandoning their classes and reviewing the birds and the bees together in the mop closet?”
“Mrs. Weiler,” Barker warned.
“Excuse me for being graphic,” she said quickly. “But honestly, what do you think was going on?”
The room hesitated, and then, “We were told they were openly being physical in the classroom.”
“More or less,” another agreed.
Mrs. Laughlin drummed her fingernails on the table. “They were caught by an intern - an outsider - who wasn’t sworn to secrecy like the rest of the staff, I’m sure.”
“Sworn to secrecy?” Mrs. Till repeated. “This isn’t a cult.”
“This is ridiculous,” Miles said to himself.
“I should hope not,” Mrs. Laughlin said to Mrs. Till. “But you’ve given us room to believe that the faculty is hiding secrets from us.”
“There are no secrets,” Miles declared. His voice quieted the entire room. Everyone had been waiting to hear a peep out of their spotlight criminals. “I made advances towards Mr. Turner, he declined, and that was it. It was a momentary lapse of judgement that just happened to be seen by another individual who sailed the story off the charts and here we are now.”
Mr. Barker held his hand up. “Mr. Kane, you don’t need to explain-”
“A momentary lapse of judgement?” someone asked. “So this only happened the one time?”
Alex heard the static hesitation of every teacher in the room. They all knew. No one was blind to their smiles and quips and batting eyelashes. But, Alex realized suddenly, he didn’t know what his coworkers thought of the situation. He had never gotten their opinions. Never sussed out who was entertained by the relationship and who might have been bothered by it. His heart hiccupped behind his ribcage.
“‘This’ being what, again?” Mrs. Till pressed.
“They fondled one another in an open space,” someone exasperated.
“Did they?” Mrs. Till asked. Alex looked up as she turned to look at both himself and Miles. “Has anyone asked you two what happened?”
“Why no, Mrs. Till,” Miles answered animatedly. “No one has asked us, now that you mention it.”
“Did the two of you fondle one another in the classroom the day that Ms. Carlisle walked in on you?”
“We did not,” Miles sang.
“Did you kiss one another in the classroom the day that Ms. Carlisle walked in on you?”
“We did not.”
“Have you ever kissed one another on school grounds?”
“No, ma’am.”
“This may be a little personal, but have you ever kissed, period?”
“No, in fact, we haven’t.”
“Very interesting,” Mrs. Till mused. Everyone watched the exchange like it was a tennis match, including Alex.
“Of course they’re going to deny everything you say,” Mrs. Laughlin scoffed. “Their jobs are on the line-”
“I wasn’t done with the questions, actually, so maybe wait your turn.”
“Mrs. Weiler,” the principal warned again.
“Yes, yes,” she sighed, squaring shoulders with Miles. The theatrical questions continued, exaggerated for the audience viewers. “Mr. Kane, have you and Mr. Turner ever had flirtatious exchanges on school grounds?”
“Yes, ma’am, we have. Verbal only.”
“Have these exchanges ever been sexual in nature?”
Miles clicked his tongue. “I believe a few have been sexual innuendos, yes.”
“Have they ever been explicit?”
“God, no!”
Mrs. Laughlin cut in with her own question. “Have you ever abandoned your professional duties for any given amount of time to instead pursue the interests of Mr. Turner?”
Miles stared for a heavy minute at his accuser, narrowing his eyes and breathing deeply. His tongue ran along his bottom lip. His resistance to the question was clear as day. “Yes.”
“How often, would you say?” she pressed.
Miles caught Alex’s eye for a moment. Alex felt Miles’s foot again press against his heel. Alex gently pushed back. Give ‘em hell, he thought, then Miles cleared his throat. “Often.”
“Every week?”
“Probably.”
The room hummed with new exclamations and wavering minds. Mrs. Laughlin looked pointedly at the principal, who studied Miles with a blank expression. “How do you propose we move forward, Mr. Kane?” Barker asked, steering the conversation back to a productive agenda. Alex was grateful for the new line of questioning.
Miles shrugged. “I’ve learned my lesson. You can count on me to keep my toes in line from here on out.”
“The word of a liar doesn’t mean much,” Mrs. Laughlin sneered.
“I haven’t lied,” Miles snapped back.
Mr. Barker held a hand up again. “Are you and Mr. Turner involved in a relationship?”
“No,” Miles answered. Crisp and clean, yet frayed and cold.
“Do you have any intentions of starting a relationship?”
“No.”
“Yes.”
The room fell immediately silent. Every set of eyes stared wide at Alex, but he was deliberate with his own gaze, landing first on Mrs. Laughlin, then the principal. “The truth of the matter is Ms. Carlisle saw next to nothing, but with the backlash that this entire situation has caused, I’ve begun to realize where my peace resides.”
“Your peace,” Mrs. Laughlin mimicked.
Mr. Barker spoke over her. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean,” Alex began, straightening his back and lifting his chin, “that I know this negative response is because this is a homosexual relationship. And I’m not going to pretend that I’m alright with that. If you didn’t want your children exposed to certain lifestyles - lifestyles that you deem ‘immoral’ - then you should have sent your children to a private, religious school. This is a public school, and I will not be scorned for my private way of living. Which is, regardless of what you’ve been told, private. Miles and I were alone on the day in question. We were not in front of the children. We were not in front of the other teachers. We went against the rules of professionalism, and for that, whatever punishment may come, I will accept. But apart from that, this entire meeting is inappropriate and humiliating for every party involved.”
Mrs. Laughlin was quick to interject as Alex took a breath, “But you admit that you plan on developing your relationship further, even though you’ve been told that it’s against school policy.”
“Yes,” he said. “If I must wait until the end of the school year, I can abide by that wish. If I’m not allowed back next semester, then…” He looked at Miles. A smirk pulled at the corner of the sixth grade teacher’s lips. His eyes watched Alex with adornment, just as they always had. God, Alex had missed that look.
Alex felt an easy, natural smile spread his face. “I accept those terms, as well.”
The basket of hashbrowns on the table grew colder by the minute. Grease had soaked into the tissue and napkins already, but it didn’t motivate either men to eat any faster. The paper casing of a straw was torn in half five times over by Alex’s nervous fingers. He pushed his hair out of his face. The thought of the whiskey in his cabinet sang to him through the large window they sat beside.
Leaving the cafeteria, no one had been particularly happy. Miles was possibly the only pleased individual. Alex was relieved about his confession, but the lifted weight left him light headed and ungrounded. Breathing was difficult - almost painful.
“Do you need a refill?”
“Please.”
Miles took the cup from the table and walked to the drinking fountain. When he came back, he took the seat next to Alex on his side of the table. “You ready to talk yet?”
Alex sighed into his full glass of water. “That was a disaster.”
“That went really well, I thought.”
Miles leaned his elbow on the table, turned at the hip to face Alex as best he could. Alex kept his feet on the floor, hips pointed straight ahead. Still in the throws of processing everything, sitting face-to-face with Miles at a chain fast food restaurant was probably sensory overload.
“What if Barker changes his mind over the weekend?” Alex worried.
“Then he tells us and I’ll leave Monday.”
“You can’t just leave. You shouldn’t have to leave. That was a rash decision we made in there. We’re risking so much for a measly relationship.”
“This isn’t a measly relationship to me.”
Alex ran a hand through his hair again. “I should leave. You were handling things just fine. I dug us into this hole-”
“Alex,” Miles cut him off. He took his hand, folding his long fingers around the base of Alex’s wrist. “This is not a hole. I don’t think that meeting could have gone any better even if I’d scripted it.”
His words pulled Alex’s gaze in. That look hadn’t left Miles’s face since Alex had interrupted and destroyed Barker’s questioning. It was a reassuring comfort blanket over Alex’s nervous body. Miles had beamed at Alex when Barker had dismissed the conference. “Don’t leave until I come find you,” he’d said. Alex’s heart had flipped in his ribcage.
He looked down at their joined hands. “I have so much to apologize to you for,” he said softly.
The words lingered over them. The hashbrowns grew colder. “Maybe,” Miles responded. “But in due time. You’ve done more than enough for today.”
He allowed another lull in conversation before adding, “I do want you to sleep on this, though,” he said softly. Alex watched as the faint smile finally slid from his face. “I want you to make sure this is what you want, Alex. I believe it is right now, but I don’t want you to wake up Monday and decide the guilt is too much for you. You’ve already referred to this as a ‘measly relationship.’”
Alex wanted to argue. He wanted to fight back and say that wasn’t going to happen. But he knew Miles had reason to doubt. He knew he had time to make up for. Incidents to account for. So he nodded, and interlaced his fingers with Miles’s.
“I’ll make it up to you. I’m in this now, Miles. On Monday, you’ll see.”
“Is that a promise?” Miles smirked.
“Yes, Mr. Kane. I promise.”