Chapter Text
While Sander and Eliott slept peacefully on the sofa, Robbe was thinking about this strange situation he found himself in. He would have been lying if he’d claim he wasn’t nervous or suspicious at all, because he was. He had a really strange feeling inside his chest and he didn’t know what to do with it. It was foreign. But most importantly it wasn’t the feeling of jealousy or mistrust. He knew both ugly sensations, had become familiar with those feelings when he was crushing on Jens but had really learned what it was like to be jealous when Sander came into the picture. Somehow, he didn’t feel that way now. Robbe listened to him and if Sander needed someone with the same mental illness like he had to feel better with himself, so be it. He even knew about Sander’s crush on said boy and to be honest Robbe didn’t exactly hate it. Of course, their first chat about this topic had been a catastrophe, but they talked it through and figured it out. Sander would get to know Eliott in real life and then they’d see how things developed. Never would Robbe have thought to be so indifferent about Sander harbouring these kinds of feelings for Eliott, but it just didn’t stress him out.
What did actually stress him out was not only the task at hand, finding his way to the café, but the prospect of meeting Lucas.
When he had first learned about Lucas, Robbe had started stalking him on Instagram. And well, that guy looked fierce. He had soft looking, light brown hair and nice blue eyes but he seemed like someone you better don’t touch, don’t talk to, someone you don’t even look at. Robbe had lost some of his fear of Lucas, when Sander filled him in on stuff that Eliott had told him. Like how easily Lucas would roll his eyes but nevertheless, give Eliott a kiss. Or how soft and loyal he seemed to be to his friends. Yann, Arthur and Basile are their names, Robbe thought.
Nodding to himself, Robbe confirmed to himself that he was in front of the right café. He took one deep breath and entered. It was a cute hipster-like place. Right in front of him stood a counter with cookies and pastries on display, on his left side was room for the clients. Robbe quickly scanned the tables, trying to find Lucas. Just when he thought he wasn’t here yet, Robbe spotted the boy waving him over.
Until Robbe was sitting down at the table next to the window, right in front of Lucas, he wasn’t able to look him in the face. His nervousness really got the best of him.
“I can recommend the hot chocolate! You can choose from dark chocolate, nougat and milk chocolate”, Lucas tried to break the ice, the accent sounding very sweet.
It was Robbe’s cue to finally look up and well – it was worth it. Lucas was bathed in the cool December sun, his eyelashes cast long shadows on his cheeks. His hair was a bit shorter than Robbe had seen on Instagram but it was just as all over the place. The blue of Lucas’ eyes was something else though. With the sun shining through the window the irises weren’t blue, they mirrored the sky being reflected in the ocean. Robbe couldn’t do anything but look.
Bashfully, the French boy smiled and averted his gaze, fixing it on the décor on the table instead.
“Sounds good. Do I have to order at the counter?”, Robbe said. He tried to pick up the conversation to mask his awkward staring from before.
“Non, non. Someone will come eventually and take our order”, Lucas explained smiling.
*
“Is your boyfriend as invested in this >thing< as mine?”
For the past hour, the two boys had been talking back and forth about everything and nothing and laughed at the dumbest things. Robbe liked spending time with Lucas, he concluded. But despite having expected the next turn in conversation, Robbe was caught off guard by the seriousness of the question. He wasn’t sure how to approach it. Obviously, this wasn’t a situation you expect to go through when signing up to be a boyfriend. But he had to answer nevertheless.
“Uhm, I guess? I obviously don’t know what Eliott told you, but Sander has been very excited.”
Robbe didn’t want to be the one to break to Lucas how Sander has developed something like a crush for his boyfriend, afraid that the other couple hadn’t been as honest with each other as them.
“So, do you think it’s more than friendship?” Lucas asked and continued right away, “Because I think for Eliott it could be more.”
Robbe felt the blood drain from his face. It was one thing accepting Sander’s feelings but he never really had time to think about what would happen if Eliott felt the same. If their crushes are reciprocated, what would that mean for them?
“He’s not going to act on it”, Lucas added out of breath, probably having sensed Robbe’s panic.
Robbe shrugged, not knowing what to say. He didn’t make eye contact with Lucas, instead he drank the rest of his hot chocolate. Nervously he asked what he was just thinking about: “How would you react if he wanted to, though? To act on it.”
Lucas started fidgeting with his fingers. Robbe could see his brain working, trying to get his thoughts straight. Eventually Lucas answered. “The thing is, I’m used to people desiring Eliott. He is very beautiful, I know that. And normally that doesn’t bother me, because I know it is me he loves. With your Sander in the picture it is different... Eliott is acting all giddy just thinking about messaging him, he wants to tell him about his art projects and all that. It’s endearing but also a bit scary. I thought I would feel left out, that I would feel nothing but jealousy… but that just didn’t happen, you know?”
And yes, Robbe did know so he nodded. “I get it, it’s the same for me. It was hard talking about it at first and I still don’t know how I’d react if they wanted their connection to become... sexual? But right now, at this point a just cannot be mad at him. He’s so happy. I don’t’ feel neglected, just a bit unsure. Each of us four don’t know what happens next.”
It felt good talking about this. Robbe didn’t like discussing his extended love life with his friends at home, it was too private. But not talking didn’t make him feel better either. So, being in the exact same boat as Lucas, Robbe felt some of the pressure falling away.
The two boys decided to leave the café in order to make a small tour through the neighbourhood. Lucas confidently lead the way and Robbe followed willingly. He was in awe with the beautiful facades of the buildings, of the trees. From time to time, when they halted at a particular intersection he would get a glimpse at the Tour Eiffel, it was mesmerizing. The conversation from earlier was still hanging in the air between them, Lucas never having answered the last question about getting physical. But Robbe didn’t want to bring it up again.
They decided to grab some Syrian take away on their way back to the flat so no one had to worry about cooking. While standing in line and waiting for their food to be ready, Robbe got to look at Lucas again. During their touristic walk it was difficult to, but now he could watch him again. The sharpness of his nose was prominent but at the same time the French boy looked very soft. Maybe it is because of his smooth skin, Robbe thought. Also, his jaw looked very strong, though different to Sander’s. Robbe just couldn’t help comparing them. To his surprise, they weren’t similar at all.
“Here.” Lucas handed Robbe one bag with food, smirking slightly. Robbe immediately felt his heart beat picking up. Did Lucas notice his staring?
“How did you grow up?”, Lucas tried to make small talk. Even though Robbe appreciated the effort, he wished he would’ve asked about something else.
“I’m an only child, my parents aren’t legally divorced yet but they will be soon. And I live in a shared flat at the moment”, Robbe answered. “What about you?”
Lucas looked a bit shaken. “Uhh. Same actually. Except that my parents are divorced already and that I moved in with Eliott after living with friends.”
Their lives were eerily similar, Robbe had to admit. “Do you get along with your dad?”
“No”, Lucas snorted. “He’s an asshole.”
Robbe could relate. But lately he had tried to make amends and it really has helped him. He had to accept that his point of view of the last few years was neither the only perspective nor necessarily the right one. He had found out that his mama and papa fell out of love, yes, but not because of her mental illness. Robbe probably had to thank his therapist for being able to see both of his parents without holding a grudge.
They left it at that. It wasn’t any of Robbe’s business even though his heart hurt for the other boy.
*
When the boys entered the flat, Robbe couldn’t help but complain about the horrible music that was playing. “What the fuck are they listening to? That sounds terrible!”
“Don’t be so biased, schatje!”, Sander called from somewhere in the flat which made Robbe laugh immediately.
Thankfully the gruesome dubstep was turned down regardless. A few seconds later, Sander emerged from behind the corner with a shit eating grin plastered on his face and walked towards Robbe.
“I reckon your afternoon has been nice?”, Robbe asked with both hands cupping Sander’s cheeks.
“It has indeed”, he smiled. “It’s so good to see you, I missed you.”
Robbe made himself taller and wound his arms around Sander’s neck so that he could reach him better. His boyfriend had one arm around his waist while the other hand rested around his ear. When they kissed, Robbe couldn’t help but sigh into it.
The sudden clearing of a throat made them jump apart. Robbe couldn’t look anywhere but the floor, still feeling shy sometimes.
“Eliott, this is Robbe – Robbe, Eliott.”
At Lucas’ words, Robbe had no choice but to look up and meet Eliott’s eyes. And even though he had seen pictures already, he was in shock with how beautiful that boy looked. Again, his exterior was totally different to Sander and even Lucas, but nobody could deny that Eliott was candy for the eyes.
“Nice to meet you”, Robbe finally found his voice again.
“You too”, the tall boy replied. When he smiled, like he did now, his eyes crinkled. Robbe found that very endearing.
“Uhh, where do we sleep? I’d like to change into something comfy”, Robbe made up an excuse to flee.
He followed the directions of the French couple and started rummaging through his backpack looking for joggers. How is he going to survive the next few days? Sander, okay. He knows him, loves him – he can handle him. Lucas is alright too, he’s funny and direct and Robbe thinks that they could become really good friends. But Eliott on top of that? Robbe doesn’t even know him, but he has a feeling similar to when he met Sander. Eliott just seems unpredictable and homely at the same time.
“Hey, are you alright?”, Robbe hears his boyfriend’s voice.
He looked up, finding Sander sitting on their bed. He looked happy and excited, but also a bit worn out. It must have been exhausting to meet your soulmate, or whatever Eliott was to him.
“Baby, what is it?”, Sander asked again, motioning for Robbe to come sit next to him. He obliged and leaned his head on Sanders shoulder, wanting to be close.
“I’m just a bit overwhelmed, I guess”, Robbe mumbled.
“Of Lucas?”
“No.. I mean yes, him too. Of everything.”
“Are you just overwhelmed though? Or is there something else?”, Sander questioned. Carefully, he stroked the bridge of Robbe’s nose.
“I don’t know yet”, the brunette boy answered truthfully. “But I’ll find out.”
“Okay. I’m here, if you want to talk. And if you don’t like Eliott or Lucas or just don’t feel comfortable, you know we can leave, right? I’m aware we’re here because of me, but you can always say what you want.”
“I know. Thank you.”
“I love you, schatje.”
“And I love you”, Robbe whispered. “Let me get dressed now. I want to try that Syrian food now!”
“Your wish is my command”, Sander grinned cheekily. And with one last peck on Robbe’s lips, he left the room.