Chapter Text
Chapter 5
A couple of days had passed and Jungkook was a bit adjusted now. By that he meant that he didn’t throw up as soon as he arrived at the school gates, he got a bike because walking sucked and avoided Kim Taehyung and all his classmates happily. The workload began to increase and Jungkook realized how important the internet was. Photography was fun to some extent, he liked learning about different techniques, and style multiple photographers used but he hated the assignments. He just wanted to take pictures of what he wanted not things like a leaf or a tree or sometimes classmates.
A lot of the times he’d do it from a distance, that way it still counted as something. In Film class, he had a little more fun even though they haven’t started filming anything yet but the documentaries were intriguing, the history was informative, a bit boring but informative and no one talked to him. They heard from the professor that he couldn’t be touched and it seemed like he added a simple “Distance seems to be something that he would prefer.” Jungkook wasn’t mad when he said that but very satisfied that his professor got the situation.
September 10th, 2019
“Class I know that we’ve only just begun using our cameras but I felt like we should do this.” His professor said while holding a sheet of paper.
Jungkook froze, and his eyes wide, heart racing. No. She didn’t say what I thought she said. I have to be going insane again.
She raised the paper, “I have you in groups of two, and I want you both to come up with a common subject to photograph and by the end of the week submit.”
And she said it!
Jungkook wanted to raise his hand and tell her that he couldn’t do it. That it was something he wouldn’t do. He didn’t want to be paired with anyone and he was sure no one wanted to be paired with him. Just as he was about to lift his hand, the professor spoke, “Jungkook, due to your situation I’ve paired you with Kim Taehyung. I’ve spoken to him and he said that he would do his best to make you feel comfortable and not stress you out. I trust him and I hope you do too.”
Jungkook, eyes still wide with fear screeching in them turned to Taehyung, who waved at him with a large boxy smile that for a second stopped the symphony of screeching but came back when his reality dawned on him.
He had a partner.
When the class was over, Jungkook couldn’t move. His body wasn’t responding to the panic that his brain signaled. He sat there in silence as the light from outside cascaded the room casting countless shadows against empty desks. Eyes downcast, he saw a shadow move near him, their feet quiet and steps almost nonexistent but it was there, real and alive. The shadow stopped and shape was drawn on his desk, unmoving.
The shadow spoke, “Hey.” They said. Jungkook didn’t reply.
The shadow spoke again, “I’m excited to be part of this project with you. I’ve seen the pictures you took.” Jungkook didn’t reply again.
The shadow moved, they took a deep breath and shifted their bag, “Do you have an idea what subject you want to photograph?” They asked.
Photo. What photo did I want? I had a choice? I HAVE a choice? I –
“Trains,” Jungkook replied. “I want to photograph trains.”
The shadow suddenly had a body, a face, a nose, mouth, lips, eyes, hands, and feet. The shadow became human as Jungkook stared up into their eyes. Are their (his) eyes wide with shock? Their (his) lips parted slightly. Was he saying something?
Jungkook gazed at Taehyung, who seemed to be stuck in freeze mode, their eyes never leaving each other.
“How did you know?” Taehyung wheezed out, “How?”
Jungkook blinked. How did I know what?
“Trains!” He sputtered, “How did you know I wanted to photograph trains?”
“I…don't…” he managed, throat suddenly dry, “I…just…someone… I know… likes trains.”
~~
Taehyung’s POV
Taehyung nodded slowly, “Wow, we have a lot in common then because trains are my all-time favorite thing ever.” He looked at Jungkook, smiling and heart racing. The boy in front of him could read minds it seemed. Probably can’t lol but a boy can hope haha. “So when do you want to start?” Taehyung kept a fair distance from the desk, his shadow on the desk.
Jungkook didn’t reply at first, it seemed to reply took him a while which was okay because Taehyung didn’t like to rush anyone. Then he spoke, his voice was soft, really soft almost as if he was afraid to speak but Taehyung still listened. Very carefully he heard his words, “We could start now.” He heard and Taehyung wanted to pat his head for some reason and tell him he did a good job answering. “Sure.” He simply replied because he thought that Jungkook might like simple, easy replies.
Taehyung stepped back, his shadow moving to another desk and waited for Jungkook to pick up his things. He didn’t have much out – just a notebook and a pen. They were silent but it didn’t feel uncomfortable and Taehyung was known for not being silent so this was a first. Jungkook slung on his backpack, camera bag in hand and faced him. Jungkook was handsome, Taehyung realized, under all that hair and slouched posture stood a really handsome boy. Dry, cracked petal lips but if were taken care of would be so pink, eyes with bags and grey circles were so big and doe-like that Taehyung was sure he could see the stars in them and paired with such soft features was his sharp jawline that became prominent when he clenched his jaw. Which happened often since he was always nervous about something.
Taehyung took his camera bag and whispered because of how silent the space between them was, “Let’s go!” he also whispered because he felt like Jungkook didn’t like loud sounds and he didn’t want to be something Jungkook didn’t like.
~~
Jungkook’s POV
They both stood with their bikes in front of the school gates and encountered a problem.
“So you’re telling me that you haven’t explored the town yet? Like at all?” Taehyung gasped and Jungkook honestly wanted to punch him. This sucked on multiple levels, first, he gets paired with someone he was actively avoiding for about a week, secondly, he didn’t leave his house since he came back home so exploring wasn’t a priority and finally, right now he was seconds away from maybe the pettiest mental breakdown he’d ever have in history.
I said now! NOW! Like an actual dumbass who doesn’t understand social cues! Why did I say that? What was my mind doing? Just because Taehyung reminds me of the boy in my dreams doesn’t equate to me being ok with this. Maybe I should throw up then we’d have no choice but to part ways or maybe do what that library guy did and run.
Jungkook knitted his eyebrows while sweated leaked down his forehead, breath unstable and forced. Taehyung bent a little and tried to see what was happening, “Hey, hey, it’s ok if you haven’t explored – I was just surprised! Hey, you ok?!”
Jungkook gulped down his fear, “Yeah.” He croaked voice heavy and strained.
Go home!
No, Stay!
Go! Stay! Go! Stay!
“SHUT UP!” he bellowed, veins in his neck pulsing, “JUST SHUT UP!” his breathing was harsh and pain crept into the back of his neck. Sweat now matted his hair to his forehead, all in the span of seconds. Jungkook hated himself for shattering so easily, he was supposed to be fixed, fine – Normal.
Taehyung felt the stares of the people hustling in and out of the University but ignored them, he stepped back trying to assess the situation and understood – Jungkook was having a panic attack.
He took a deep breath and softly said, “Jungkook I’m here. Please look at me.”
He wasn’t listening. Taehyung moved just a bit closer and Jungkook flinched so stepped back again, “Do you have medicine? If you do let me get it.”
Jungkook was breathing hard, tears falling from his eyes but he tried, he tried listening. He huffed and tried to shrug off his bag but he was shaking and scared and didn’t want to be here. The bag eventually fell to the ground and Taehyung without fail reached for it and fished out the pill bottle and water. ”Jungkook, Place out your hands.”
He opened his sweaty palms, trembling and let the pills fall to his hand, he popped them into his mouth and swallowed not even taking the water. After he slumped to the floor shaking with his breath becoming stable.
They remained silent for a while until Jungkook spoke up, “I’m sorry.”
He spoke again, his throat dry, “I’m sorry. I got scared. I panicked.” His head was on his knees and he couldn’t lookup. He was sure Taehyung would be gone by now, disturbed and uncomfortable. Jungkook was sure that the boy would want nothing to do with him. Who would want to stick around for a freak?
“Are you ok?” Taehyung asked, now on one knee, holding Jungkook’s bag. Jungkook wanted to cry because Taehyung sounded exactly like the boy in his dreams and it was unfair. Unfair that he had such a comforting voice that Jungkook relied on for so many years. Unfair that he stayed and actually didn’t runoff. He should’ve of, he told himself.
“Right now? I think so.”
“Can you get up?”
“I think so…”
“Do you want to go home?”
“No.”
Taehyung nodded and got up slowly, “Ok, let’s get you up and think about what to do next, shall we?”
Jungkook didn’t feel a hand come near him and a small smile tugged at his lips. He slowly rose up, body aching, dried tears burning his cheeks and throat sore. He took a deep breath and felt his body release. Taehyung remained standing; smiling without worry and for the first time Jungkook didn’t feel sick. Not like the times when the nurse would smile at him after a session or when they called him a freak or when he had a panic attack and make fun of him. That smile felt warm and caring and Jungkook hated it.
~~
“You can go, you know.” Jungkook and Taehyung were walking side by side holding their bikes. One looked like a mess while the other looked like a model, such an odd pair.
“I know but you said you didn’t want to go home and I don’t either so I just thought I could stay for a while.”
Jungkook didn’t speak. He knitted his eyebrows and finally thought of something, “Trains. Let’s go to the train station.”
Taehyung made a sound and asked, “You sure? You ok with that?”
“Yeah…”
They rode to a train station, it took them about a half-hour on their bikes, and the sun was starting to tinge the world orange so they hurried. They set up their cameras and began. Both of them remained silent while shooting different angles of trains coming and going.
Jungkook saw near the tracks that there was a closed-off track and decided to walk over to it. Over there had overgrown bush creating different hues of green and brown all tangled into each other fighting to be one above the other and SNAP; he took a picture of it. He kept walking further down the closed-off track, leaves crunching under his feet and the sun painting things orange. Further, it had an abandoned train that was strangled by vines and overgrown bush and SNAP; another one was taken.
The train was rusting and the gleaming silver was now brown with no windows to protect the inside. It took him back to the rusting fountain at the treatment center, every day he would stare at it hoping that water would sprout out but after many years they removed it and that had hurt.
He heard someone stop behind him, “Wow.” It was Taehyung. Jungkook didn’t speak.
“This is dirty but so cool.”
Did he say cool? An abandoned train is cool?
Taehyung yipped and began snapping multiple angles of the train when satisfied he sat on a log on the left side, giggling. “Trains are so cool! Even when they aren’t in service there’re the prettiest!”
Jungkook sighed, “This guy is so weird.” He mumbled under his breath with a frown then snapped a couple of his own pictures. They were silent again.
“Do ever just want to hop on a train and go somewhere far away? You know I’ve lived in this town my whole life and not once have I ever taken the train. Even though I love them, I never had a reason to take one. Even when I went to Italy for two years, I didn’t take the train.” Taehyung looked somber as he stared the lifeless train. Jungkook wanted to say many things but just like in his dreams he just couldn’t.
He would say, let’s go on one right now!
You went to Italy!? That’s awesome!
I’ve never taken a train either!
Why do you look so sad? Are YOU ok? Do you need a hug?
He just couldn’t. Taehyung sprung up with a large grin, “Well I guess we should head back, we could go to another station tomorrow and take more pictures, yeah?” he moved forward, “I had fun Jungkook and you’re cool and I like you so I think we should be friends.”
Jungkook pursed his lips, “No, thank you.” he answered immediately.
“EH! Wait did you really say no?! WAHHHHHH” Taehyung faced the camera to Jungkook – SNAP – “I caught the face of my rejecter. I will forever cry about this moment.” He pouted, bottom lip sticking out and Jungkook wanted to laugh. He’d seen that pout countless of times and knew exactly what it meant. Kim Taehyung wasn’t going to give up.
Later that night Jungkook went to bed and fell into a dream.
His hair was slicked back, edges passing his neck and he wore a velvet black tuxedo that matched his glossy black dress shoes. Huh? What’s this?
“Well, you look out of this world.”
Jungkook didn’t have to turn around to know who that voice belonged to, THE LIBRARY GUY!
He spun around, scowling, unable to say anything but Jungkook didn’t have anything to say. Go away! Annoying! You’re annoying!
“Oh, don’t look at me like I insulted you. I said you look amazing.” The library guy pushed his glasses up on his nose and smiled, lips tinged red. Jungkook didn’t want to acknowledge how handsome the guy looked with his hair parted and forehead showing, wearing a royal blue suit paired with black Calvin Klein dress shoes. Ugh.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked and Jungkook turned on his heel and stormed out. He didn’t know why he hated the guy so much, it’s not like taking a book was his whole life and the guy kept his promise because the book was there when he went to check last week. So why does his face piss me off so much?
When he went outside, the house was at the edge of a cliff and he almost fell but someone held him. “Are you trying to die, Jungkook?” said another voice he didn’t have to turn to know who the voice belonged to – The boy who Kim Taehyung replicated. His silver hair fluffier than usual and he wore a colorful scale print jacket underneath a plain white shirt with a matching tie. Jungkook wanted to compliment him for his choice but his heart was beating so fast and he needed a minute. The guy – no I’m going to call him Taehyung. Taehyung laughed stupidly as he dragged him back inside. The music was odd and in Japanese (I think). Jungkook pointed to the old radio blasting the song and Taehyung grinned.
“That’s Silver girl by Kirinji. It’s a favorite of mines. Come on let’s waste away the night!” Taehyung began to dance, moves fluid, each one going into each other like the flow of water. Jungkook felt someone hold his hand and the library guy pulled him into his chest. “It’s been a while kook.”
Jungkook felt his chest tighten and he didn’t know why. Jungkook wanted to say, don’t call me kook! I don’t know you. The guy wrapped his arm around his waist and began moving to the beat. They swayed, eyes not leaving one another until the guy whispered, “This song is not really made for this kind dancing, is it?” And Jungkook wanted to laugh because he agreed. Taehyung still danced like he was water himself and the guy laughed, eyes crinkling and Jungkook for one-second thought, I know that laugh, but got distracted when the house vibrated and rocked wildly.
Eyes flew open and his chest was heaving up and down. His alarm was going off and he turned it off, sighing. His body felt hot and flushed like every part of him that was touched burnt but he didn’t hate it.
Jungkook sat quietly for a moment, “Do I know those guys? Taehyung? Library guy? Do I know them? Who else is out there? Are they even real? Am I still in the center and this is all a hallucination?” he really didn’t know what to do, Kim Taehyung doesn’t make him uncomfortable because he wears the face of someone he cares about and the library guy pisses him off so much for some unknown reason. There are many things Jungkook has unsolved about him, many things the center didn’t tell him like how he can’t remember anything properly before the problem happened, like how he has severe paranoia and anxiety and didn’t tell how to fix it. He was out here alone, his parents too busy with their own lives and routine to really care and he didn’t want to go back to the center. His brain can’t tell the difference between what’s real and hallucination and he’s scared he does something.
In amidst his thoughts, his phone pinged. He got one over the weekend but he doesn’t really know how to use it. On the screen flashed an unknown number with a message saying – Taehyung here! Got your no. from the professor lol. Here look at this pic I got of you hehehe.
Jungkook stared at the screen in pure confusion but still opened the message. He saw the picture first; it was him crouching with his camera eye focused on taking a picture of the train moving south. A small smile tugged at the edge of his mouth but he didn’t smile instead he sent – Creepy.
Taehyung
HUhhhhhh creepy!?! Please, artistic if you will. You look cool!
Jungkook
No, it’s creepy.
Taehyung
T^T
Jungkook didn’t know what that meant so he didn’t answer and left his phone on his bed as he went to shower.