Chapter Text
It took longer than it should have to get Duke below deck and settled in the bed. He kept protesting that he didn’t want to go to sleep.
Nathan almost got him in the bed when Duke lost his balance and fell, taking Nathan with him. They landed in a heap on the floor.
Nathan tried unsuccessfully to push Duke off of him. Duke tried to get up on his own and accidentally elbowed Nathan in the face.
Nathan winced at the pain. “Guess I deserved that.”
Duke tried again to stand up and this time stepped on Nathan’s hand.
“Jesus, Duke! That hurt!” Nathan cried pulling his hand free. “Just stop trying to get up until I can help you.”
After four tries, Nathan got Duke back on his feet and into the bed. He stripped off his clothes and was surprised to see he was actually wearing underwear.
Nathan shoved him into the bed and pulled the covers over him. Satisfied he wasn’t going to try to get up again, Nathan went to the kitchen to get him a glass of water.
“I’m gonna wake up and you’ll be gone...just a dream...” Duke mumbled when Nathan brought him the water and made him drink.
Nathan placed the glass within Duke’s reach and got into bed next to him.
“Duke, it’s not a dream. I’m not leaving. I’ll be right here when you wake up. Please, sleep,” Nathan said softly rubbing Duke’s back.
With the amount of alcohol in his system, Duke didn’t so much as drift off to sleep as he passed out. When he woke up, it was dark and his head pounding. He saw that someone had taken his clothes off and put him in his bed. There was a glass of water on his nightstand next to his phone.
He struggled to remember how he got to the Rouge. He sat up and the room started spinning. Groaning loudly, he flopped back onto the pillows. He stretched and connected with something solid.
“Ow! I know I deserve that but can you stop hitting my face?”
Duke sat up again and turned on the lamp next to his bed. “Nathan?”
“Who else would be in your bed? Yes, it’s me.” Nathan sat up, rubbing his jaw. “At least you didn’t break my nose.”
Duke opened his mouth to speak when he suddenly remembered everything. “You stayed...”
“I promised you I wouldn’t leave. That I’d be here when you woke up. I meant it. I also meant what I said at the Gull...I’m never leaving you again.”
Nathan felt Duke fling himself into his arms and he couldn’t help but smile. “And before you say it...no this isn’t a dream. How’s your head?”
Duke pulled away from Nathan and grimaced. “Feels like it’s being crushed in a vice. Exactly how much did I drink?”
“By the time I found you, there was an empty bottle on the deck and you were holding another. I’m not sure how full the first bottle was. I was worried for a while that I might have to take you to the hospital.” Nathan said seriously.
“Ah, Nate, I’m sorry...so sorry. Never meant for you to find me like that. It just got too much. I couldn’t even last three days before I gave in and let you...let you touch me.” Duke confessed.
“It’s okay. We’re going to get through this. Together...you and me...no more whiskey...okay?” Nathan asked, rubbing his shoulders.
“Okay...uh...Nate, I have to be sure because I’m still a bit confused...hangover, you know...does the name Sarah mean anything to you?” Duke asked tentatively.
Nathan chuckled, “Duke, I have all my memories. Troubles, Audrey is Sarah, Audrey is Lucy, supernatural barn, I can’t bleed around you or it sets off your trouble...I remember it all.”
He reached over and gently turned Duke’s face toward him.
“And before you insult me by asking...yes, we are back together. I...love...you,” He said, punctuating each word with a kiss.
Duke threw his arms around Nathan. “I almost can’t believe this is real.”
Nathan rubbed his back. “It’s real. Very real...but we still need to talk.”
“Why? Can’t we just forget all that happened and move on?” Duke mumbled into Nathan’s shoulder.
Nathan pushed Duke back gently. “No, we can’t. I hurt you-“
“I hurt you, too,” Duke interrupted.
“No. You do not get to take any of the blame for what happened. I mean it Duke...don’t think for a moment that you had anything to do with me leaving you.”
“But-“ Duke tried to get a word in but Nathan stopped him with a kiss.
“Stop. I need to apologize for everything. I was a complete asshole to you.”
“Nate, I started the whole thing with my stupid joke-“ Duke tried again.
“And I should have either had more faith in you or actually searched the damn boat!
But instead I punched you.”
“And I punched you back.”
“That’s not the point,” Nathan said, shaking his head.
Duke tried to argue. “Kinda is…”
“But I stood there and called you the cruelest things. I told you you were a lowlife criminal, just like your father...just because the Chief kept saying you were smuggling again and I was too stupid to realize he was lying to me. So, instead of doing the rational thing and either listening to you or searching your fucking boat, I walked away.”
Duke lowered his head in shame. “And as you walked away you realized you couldn’t feel anything. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about what I did to you. The look in your eyes when you realized your trouble came back haunted me for a long time.”
Nathan cupped Duke’s face in his hands. “It wasn’t your fault. What do I have to do to make you understand that? It was my fault. All of it. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”
“Please, Nate...stop doing this to yourself. I forgive you. I love you too much to see you beat yourself up over this. What do you want me to do? What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me how horrible I am. Tell me I don’t deserve you, because I don’t,” Nathan pleaded.
Duke looked at Nathan with tears in his eyes. “Then I guess we can’t fix this. Because I’m never going to say those things to you. Did you hurt me? Yes. Did this last week almost send me back in the bottle forever? Yes. But I love you. I love you so much. We have to move on from this. Please, Nate...”
Nathan took a moment to look at Duke, he looked so sad, lost. His walls were down and Nathan knew he was seeing the real Duke. He had to find a way to move past his feelings of guilt. He promised Duke he’d never leave him again. How could he keep that promise if he didn’t stop beating himself up over all the things he did in the past?
He leaned close to Duke and kissed him gently. “I’m sorry...I’ll do my best to put the past behind us.”
Duke nodded and kissed him again. “That’s all I ask.”
Nathan pulled back a little. “I do have one question that you didn’t answer.”
“Yeah?” Duke asked, moving to kiss Nathan’s neck.
“Why is my trouble gone?”
“No idea,” Duke replied, moving his kisses to Nathan’s collarbone.
“Seriously? No idea? Did Gloria have any...theories?” Nathan asked, not really caring about the answer anymore.
Duke moved back up to suck a mark below Nathan’s ear. “Said it could be because you didn’t remember the fight...but that’s just speculation.”
“You think I can control it? Like Marion or TJ?” Nathan asked tilting his head to give Duke more access.
“No idea. Gloria was just worried we could trigger it by accident with too much information.” Duke answered before sucking another mark on Nathan’s neck.
“Maybe if I can control it, I won’t have to worry about next time.”
Duke pulled away from Nathan and looked at him, “Am I losing my touch? Because you should not be forming coherent thoughts right now.”
Nathan groaned when Duke pulled away. “Definitely not losing your touch, I’m sorry...please don’t stop...”
“Then stop talking...let me do this...” Duke said, pushing Nathan’s tee shirt up so he could kiss his stomach.
“I missed this...” Nathan whispered, reaching to tangle his fingers in Duke’s hair.
Duke stopped kissing him and looked up. “Really? You missed this...?”
“Yes, I made a mistake, Duke. I never stopped loving you...I just couldn’t figure out how to fix things. My trouble was back and I didn’t know what to do. I was so angry, at you, the Chief, myself.”
“I tried to help. I tried-“ Duke started but Nathan cut him off.
“I know you did. The day I came here to pack up my things was one of the worst days of my life. You begged me to listen to you. You pleaded for another chance. Hell, you even apologized for things you didn’t do. When you reached for me and I couldn’t feel it...that did something to me,” Nathan sagged against Duke, not wanting to go on but needing to explain everything.
“I saw your hand on my arm but I couldn’t feel it. I was terrified, confused, and suddenly so angry. It was like a dam broke and all these horrible things just came spewing out of my mouth. I watched you back away from me with each thing I said and it just made me angrier, you were the strong one...not me. I couldn’t understand why you weren’t fighting back. I remember the exact moment I broke you and I-I didn’t know how to fix it. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them. I watched you fall apart and when I went to touch you...oh, god...you-you cringed like I was going to hit you...” Nathan’s voice broke and he wasn’t sure he could go on.
Duke sat up and pulled him closer. “Don’t do this to yourself. It’s over. We just said we were going to put the past behind us.”
Nathan nodded. “I know we did...but I have to make you understand...”
“I do understand. I was in your apartment, Nate. How do you think all this got back here? The day you woke up I was there with Dwight packing up everything. I saw all the books, the dvds, the clothes...hell even the picture of us from Bill’s wedding. All the things you never got rid of from your time here...with me. I wasn’t sure what it meant until just now.” He took Nathan’s hand and brought it to his lips. He turned it over and kissed the palm softly. “I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it in your kisses. All those things you did are in the past. We have to look to our future.”
Nathan took a shaky breath. “I still don’t know what I did to deserve you but I will never stop making sure you know I love you.”
Duke laid back on the bed and pulled Nathan on top of him. “Kiss me.”
Nathan brought his lips to Duke's, barely brushing them together. His heart raced when Duke moaned softly into his mouth and he leaned in closer.
“More,” Duke whispered against his lips.
Nathan let out a shaky breath, one that he hadn't realised he'd been holding, and crushed his lips to Duke's, moaning softly when Duke nipped at his bottom lip, coaxing his mouth open.
Duke reached up and started restlessly running his fingers through Nathan's hair and by the time they broke apart, they were both breathless.
Duke let his hands slide down to Nathan’s waist and up under his shirt, lightly trailing his fingernails up and down his back.
Nathan sat up and pulled his shirt over his head before leaning down to kiss Duke’s neck. “Don’t stop touching me...”
Duke smiled and ran his hands up and down Nathan’s back. “Don’t stop kissing me and I won’t.”
Nathan slowly kissed Duke’s neck and chest, stopping to suck marks into all his sensitive spots.
Duke moaned when Nathan slipped his hand under the waistband of his boxers and stroked him gently. “You’re killing me, Nate. I want you...I need you...”
Nathan looked up at Duke, his blue eyes shining with desire. “You think if we called Gloria she’d lift the sex ban?”
Duke wrapped his arms around Nathan to pull him in for another kiss. “What sex ban?” He mumbled against Nathan’s lips.