Chapter Text
One mistake.
That's all it took, just one mistake. One bloody fucking, oops i did it again so sue me, mistake.
If he didn't get that black eye, things would have been different already but no, no they just had to go for his face. He didn't even get why they always picked on him out of all people. Was it because he yelled so much? Because he was easily angered? well fuck them all. At least he managed to punch their faces in. Those faces that dared call him a worthless piece of shit, a disgrace to his family. His family was all he had. Even though they where part of the problem.
Everything in his life was just perfect, his family was perfect, his sister was perfect, his grades where fine. The only thing that was not perfect for him where his dreams.
His dreams from hell.
They always revolved around him, and giants. He had no other words for them as sickening creatures with distorted faces and smiles. While blood flooded over the streets and walls. The smell would be sickening, and the screams even more as the sky would be dark and the rain would fall, yet unable to wash away the muck of blood. It always stayed, always. He would run, and whenever he did he felt an undeniable desire to kill them. To kill them all. The worst ones where when he dreamed his mother being eaten by them, and unable to stop them from doing so. The dreams always left him waking up in tears, screams or plain anger. Making his days hard to deal with.
Everyone seemed against him, they all thought he was weird, he could feel it in their stares, in their actions towards him. He felt like they could see him as a monster. So he would give them a monster whenever they went too far. And he figured that throwing stuff like benches and kicking people's asses was a good way in dealing with this. Which resulted in fights more than a solution. He knew it was bad and that his family was definitely disappointed in him. He could see it in his sister's eyes, feel it in his mother's words. The only thing he was used to was his father's absence. He was often not there than anything. He never blamed him though, his father was a doctor and was needed a lot in town. He was quite famous and people relied on him for his help and contribution. Unlike him. the black sheep of the family.
That's exactly what he had become. How did that even happen? He had forgotten.
He wasn't always like this but he just didn't remember at all. Was there even a time where he was normal?
His anger had gotten him into a lot of problems already and he should have not been surprised that one day his parents where at school, along with his sister. The principle getting him out of class with an announcement over the intercom. yes very subtle.
That taking him to where he was right now. Either this or juvenile court so the choice was quickly made.
His mother was telling him all kinds of stuff in the car. Why he never talked to her about it. Mom you never asked or listened. Mikasa, his sister, just sat there in silence. Of course she wouldn't say anything. It was not her place too even though she had helped him in fights before. She was adopted and always felt like she had to be better so they wouldn't get rid of her. In ways Mikasa was even more screwed up than Eren was but he never mentioned a word about that. He was one of the reasons why Mikasa tried so hard. She always held his words high. If he told her all this than she would surely break.
they just dropped him off on the address and went on their way, his mother not even granting him a second glance. She must have really been mad at him. After all he was hiding his former bruises all this time and actually managed to not let the school inform his family about what he did daily. And thanks to his friend Armin's help most of the fights where disbanded before a teacher would show up. He really owed Armin a lot to be honest and he was sure that once this was all over he would treat the boy to some ice cream.
And that takes us to where he was right now. Waiting outside the doors of this building enclosed by two others in the middle of town. The writing on the bras plate outside catching his interest. Levi Rivaille. Was his psychiatrist French? Well what kind of stock up bastard was he supposed to expect to open the door. All kinds of stereotypical French guys entered his mind.
All of these where blown out into the fresh fall wind as his eyes landed on a rather handsome, yet smaller individual once the door was opened. His first thought was that the psychiatrist was out for a moment and his son had opened the door yet then it dawned on him that this person was his psychiatrist and he couldn't help the small opening of his mouth to show his astonishment. the man's piercing blue gray eyes narrowing as they landed on him, and he was clearly not amused. Stepping out of the way he granted Eren to walk past him into the hallway as it led to a door, probably the session room he guessed. And he was right.
The smaller of the two strode in after him and closed the door, motioning for him to sit in the couch opposite a business chair. And Eren did as such, just knowing that if he didn't more trouble would surely arise and the man looked like he could be more danger than he first let on. Eren quickly learned that the ones you first take as weak where the ones who where the most strong in the long run. And this guy felt like he was a genuine threat to him. He sat down slowly and awkwardly while the other walked around a bit, and got out some files along with a small notebook. This was going great, he hasn't even said a word to him and he hasn't mentioned a single syllable in the mean time as well.
He wanted out, he wanted to go home and just forget about all this. He didn't need therapy he knew what was wrong with him, he didn't need society to reform him into something decent. Why should he care that his parents would be more relieved? their lives where perfect. If he was gone everything would be perfect. His musings stopped when the guy finally sat down in front of him and those eyes seemed to stare straight into his soul. Don't do that you jerk. Eren gulped in tension and that made the older's eyebrow arch. Outside the room the city sounds where coming in through a small opening in the window. Car alarm, a police car coming by. Birds as well. Eren sighed and shifted a bit in his seat. his hands fidgeting. He just couldn't look at the man directly, something was making him feel antsy whenever his eyes met with those steel blue ones and it unnerved him greatly.
After a while he finally got up the courage to speak up, already coming straight to the point. bluntness was his forte and his curse in many ways.
""can't you just write that there's nothing wrong with me and let me go home?...would save us a lot of trouble."
The man set down his pencil and sighed. When that voice came out though Eren was hit with a sudden wave of nostalgia, and for a moment the room seemed to be basked in a set of warmer colors, it making him frown lightly. It almost seemed like he was at ease for just a small moment in time. It died down quickly yet a small shimmer remained hanging in the room. All from a man's voice? His mind was telling him to get a grip.
"you got sent here because of, let me quote what they stated. anger issues, violent behavior, getting into fights regularly...And you say nothings wrong with you? Kid don't try to fool me i have had dogs that are more believable than you are."
Oh That. yes all of that did make him feel quite aware of the whole present situation again. This man wasn't here to play though. the tone cold and yet hinted with nonchalance and laziness? He wasn't too sure. His eyes now shot up to the older male's ones. And he had to take in a breath. this man wasn't here to just listen to him he was here to reform him. he kept telling himself that. He couldn't let anyone in, they wouldn't understand, he wouldn't understand, his parents wouldn't, his sister doesn't, not even Armin does. So why would this man be an exception? he tried keeping his anger at bay once he felt it growing, yet when he spoke he could feel it in his words and it made him cringe inwardly. shit he probably heard that.
"i am fine. nothing is wrong with me..."
And yes he was right, the man did hear it. That knowing shimmer in his eyes was all it took to let Eren know...
This was going to be a long session.