Chapter Text
If there's one thing Ryland Grace knew for sure, it was that he absolutely did not have romantic feelings towards Simon. Seriously, he'd known the guy for a week, Rocky and his other so called ‘friends’ were being ridiculous.
Ryland sighed, staring at the ceiling of his classroom and fidgeting with his earth beanbag. Just because Simon is—supposedly—his "type," doesn't mean he's going to fall in love.
I don't have a type. Brown eyes are the most common eye color, same with dark hair. And who doesn't like a nice set of muscles? He tossed the beanbag in the air absentmindedly, thinking back to all his, albeit minimal, romantic connections. Ok, fine, maybe they all fit into that type. Correlation is not causation. This doesn't mean I'm gonna develop feelings for Simon.
So what if half my inner monologue is about how pretty his eyes are? He's got pretty eyes, that's an objective fact. He tossed the beanbag up.
Knock Knock.
Ryland yelped, the beanbag landing squarely on his face. “Ow.” He scrambled to get into a proper sitting position. “Uh, door's open…” He groaned, burying his head in his hands. “‘Course it’s open, why would I lock it…”
The door swung open gently, and Simon stepped inside, an amused expression on his pretty face. His face. His normal face. He has a normal face.
“Hey! Uh, hi Simon, what uh.. What’s up?”
“Did I scare you?” he asked, making his way further into the room.
“...You heard that, huh?” Simon nodded, that amused look remaining in place. “You startled me, I wasn’t scared.”
“Uh huh.”
Ryland scoffed. “Wasn’t scared. Anyway, to what do I owe the pleasure?”
Simon stiffened slightly, “Ah, yeah, um… Well, you weren’t in the lounge so I was, uh…” He trailed off, averting his eyes. “I just, was wondering if you were uh, working or something, so I came to check…”
“Aww, did you miss me?” Ryland teased, dipping his head to get back into Simon’s line of sight. That was… new. He was usually the one avoiding eye contact with other people, why was he always seeking it out with Simon?
It was the English teacher’s turn to scoff. “Just worried you won’t get your millionth coffee of the day in.”
“Rude.” Ryland crossed his arms. “I… do really need to cut back, though.”
Simon hummed in acknowledgement, leaning over the desk. “Maybe if you took your meds, that would be easier.” He teased.
Ryland groaned. “Don’t you start too, I get enough of that from Rocky…” He studied the other man, a realization passing over him. “You… you remembered I have ADHD? I only mentioned it, like, once…”
“Mhm, yesterday. When you were explaining the medicinal uses of caffeine. You use it to self medicate.” The English teacher tilted his head in that inquisitive way. “You think I don’t actually listen to you?”
Ryland sat in mildly ashamed silence. I mean. Yeah. I guess I did think that. “No, I, well.” He fidgeted. “I guess I wasn't expecting you to retain any of it. I talk. So much.”
The other man shrugged. “Uh, caffeine is also used to treat uh.. apnea in premature babies, right?”
“...Right, theophylline and caffeine… Huh…” Ryland stared up at him in awe. “You're a fast learner.”
Simon shrugged. “You're a good teacher.”
Woof. It's a shame that I'm not into this guy, because…
“You're quite the catch…”
The English teacher blinked quickly, taken aback. Red creeped over his face. “Uh…”
Oh shoot I said that out loud. “I mean, hah, that's not- I'm not coming onto you or anything, just-"
“N-no, right, just-"
“I mean that- you're a good listener that's a good trait in a partner-"
“Right, right, yeah, I-"
“I'm sure you're partner's very happy to have you, if you have one-"
“I-I don’t…”
“Oh. Uh shame, cause they'd be lucky to have you. I mean-"
“Hey Ryland?”
“Yep.”
“Shut up.”
“Yep.”
Simon had his face firmly buried in his hand, taking a deep breath. “S-sorry, I shouldn’t have told you to ‘shut up’…”
“Heh, no, you were right to. I wouldn’t have stopped spiraling…”
The English teacher let out his breath, returning his hands to the desk. His fingers dragged slightly against a small piece of paper in the corner, which he looked down at with a tilt of his head. Ryland looked at it too, recognizing it. Oh, that’s where I put that…
“‘Call Pharmacist. For real this time’” Simon read aloud. He chuckled, crossing his arms and meeting Ryland’s eyes. “Well, did you?”
“...I’ll call tomorrow…”
“Ryland…” the English teacher admonished.
“I will! I swear, it’s,” he glanced up at the clock. “It’s too late now, the next period starts soon. I’ll call tomorrow, promise.”
Simon chuckled harder, a fond smile dancing on his lips. “Yeah, you will. I’ll hold you to it.”
Ryland huffed, crossing his arms. “Ugh, are you gonna force me to be a responsible adult?”
“Yep.”
“Rude,” he rolled his eyes.
“I know,” the other man smirked. He glanced at his watch.
“Go on, get outa here,” Ryland chuckled, grabbing the stupid sticky note and crumpling it. “I’ll see you later.”
Simon sighed, making his way to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He pointed. “When you call your damn pharmacist.”
Ryland chuckled. “Who needs sticky notes when you have pushy friends?”
The brunet paused, a strange expression crossing his face for a moment, before it settled into a fond smile. “Friends, yeah.” With one last nod, he left the room.
Friends. A similar smile crossed Ryland’s face. Just friends. No ‘feelings’ here. The science teacher tossed the crumpled sticky note towards the garbage can. He missed.
Ryland hung up the phone with a sigh, making eye contact with a very smug looking Simon.
“Was that so hard?” The brunet teased.
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes it was. Coffee please.”
Chuckling, Simon slid the hot mug over Ryland’s desk. “As promised.”
That had been the English teacher's bargaining chip. He had brought Ryland’s fourth period coffee from the break room to his classroom before the science teacher could even think to procrastinate further, then withheld the precious liquid until the stupid pharmacist was called. Smart. Annoying.
Ryland took a sip. Perfect.
“Have you been watching me make my coffee this whole time? This is exactly how I like it…”
Simon shrugged. “You're very consistent.”
The blond laughed lightly, then glanced over to the packet of papers he had at the side of his desk. “Dang, I forgot I have actual work to do today.”
The English teacher's eyes followed, and he picked up the first sheet on the pile. “What are these?”
“These are uh, for the LGBTQ+ Alliance tonight.” Simon hummed his acknowledgement, so Ryland continued. “I’m gonna have the kids draw in the flags, but I filled out the descriptions. Stratt's letting us hang them up around the school. See,” he pulled the next one from the pile. “Bisexual- Attraction to two or more genders. I uh, I colored a few as examples…” He tapped the flag, continuing. “I did these three because-” He paused abruptly, watching Simon trace over the blue and pink lines drawn on the page he was holding. Oh god Simon doesn’t know I’m trans. A flutter of panic washed over his heart, before he took a deep breath. It’s fine. He… he’ll be fine with it. Stratt wouldn’t hire a transphobe. Simon’s eyes flicked up to meet Ryland’s. I mean, not that that would really come up in the job interview. “Hey, are you a bigot?” is not a common interview question. The English teacher raised an eyebrow. I’m being too quiet. I need to say something. I mean… If I wanna be his friend he’s gonna find out eventually… I've got pins on my bag for heck's sake. Maybe he already noticed…
“Ryland? You good?”
Say something… He took a deep breath, and steeled himself. “Uh, yeah, yeah, I’m good. Um… These are my flags.”
Simon’s eyes darted to the bisexual one, a slight pink settling over his cheeks. “Ah, I see.” His eyes then returned to the one he was holding, realization dawning on them. “Oh, I see! You’re worried that I’m- that I wouldn’t-”
“I-I mean, I’m not um, I don’t think you’d-”
“Right, right, it’s-”
“It’s just always a little, um, anxiety inducing to… to come out to someone new…”
“It’s ok, I get it,” Simon huffed out a breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “No need to worry, I…” His eyes returned to Ryland’s, a soft smile reaching his eyes. “This doesn’t change anything…”
The true weight of those words were lost on the science teacher. He breathed a sigh of relief. “Uh, cool, cool. I've got the pins on my bag too, so it's not like it was a secret or anything.”
“Right, yeah, you do, don't you? I don’t think I've ever really thought about that…”
A quiet washed over them, before Simon cleared his throat. “So, what do you need to get done?”
“Oh! Right! Work!” Ryland gathered the papers together. “I gotta go make some copies of these.”
“Do you want some help?” Simon gathered a few that had been rustled aside in Ryland’s haste.
The science teacher smiled fondly. “I mean, if you’re not busy…”
Simon chuckled softly. “No, I’m free.” He stopped briefly, picking up the third pre-colored page. “I uh, I don’t know this one.”
Ryland glanced over. “Demisexual? Yeah, uh, not a common one.” He chuckled.
“I’m kind of… new, to this stuff…” Simon’s gaze fell.
“Hey, well, if you wanna learn more, you can always come to the club.”
“Really? Can I?” The English teacher straightened up, a pleading spark in his eyes.
Ryland smiled warmly. “I’d love to have you…”
Simon’s grin was infectious, as the two made their ways towards the teacher’s lounge.
“Alright guys, settle down! My hand is up!” Ryland called out, his room buzzing with excited middle schoolers. “Guys, I get it, Mr. Simon is real cool, but pay attention!” he chuckled fondly, the small sea of children finally detaching themselves from the English teacher. “It’s exciting to have him here, but we do have an agenda for the day…”
A hand shot up. “But Mr. Grace, I don’t have a genda!”
He rolled his eyes. “Hah, good one JC.” The kid, JC, smirked to themself, their friend next to them pushing their shoulder and rolling his eyes. They’d only just started going by that name this year.
Ryland glanced towards Simon. The English teacher seemed mildly overwhelmed, though there was a sparkle in his eye. Ryland smiled reassuringly. “Alright, everyone, first off: welcome to the first LGBTQ+ Alliance meeting of the year.” He paused to allow a few ‘whoops’ from the rowdier kids. “And, let’s give a big welcome to Mr. Simon, who’s sitting in on this meeting.” A much larger reaction. Simon dropped his eyes sheepishly. Gosh, he really was shaping up to be a mini celebrity at the school. Ryland would be jealous if he wasn’t so proud of his kids for welcoming the new teacher. “Alright, alright, settle down, let’s get into the fun stuff now.
The room settled into a comfortable buzz, the kids getting into coloring their pages and chatting about the various flags. Chromebooks were passed around so references could be pulled up, and soon the room was filled with rainbows and laughter.
“Mr. Simon, you gotta color one too. I’ll share my pencils.” Rekha—who had been so smug about getting the seat next to the English teacher before anyone else could—insisted.
“Oh, uh, which one should I do…” Simon responded.
Ryland, who was across the room listening to a student telling a story about his moms, let his gaze settle on the other teacher. Gosh, he’s so gentle… The brunet was leaning in to every word that every student said, putting so much effort into listening to each and every one. No wonder they all liked him so much. A strange twinge in Ryland’s heart brought him back to his senses. That keeps happening, I really hope I’m not getting sick…
“Do whichever one you want Mr. Simon.” Rekha shrugged, pushing the stack of papers towards him.
He flipped through the pages, hesitantly picking one up. “Uh, what does this one look like?”
Rekha pulled up an image on the Chromebook in front of her, turning the screen more towards Simon. He thanked her, picking up a teal pencil and setting to work.
Ryland smiled, tearing his attention from them and returning to the student he was talking to.
“Are you sure you’re okay helping? You don’t have to.” Ryland huffed, taping another image to the wall in the hallway.
“I’m sure. I don’t have anything else going on anyway.” Simon responded, putting up another one across the hall.
After wrapping up the LGBTQ+ Alliance meeting, the two had set about putting up the flag drawings. There were a lot more this year than there had been last year, reflecting the growth in members of the club. The amount of students who showed up had filled the science teacher with joy, but it did mean more work putting up their projects.
“Are you sure?” He pulled out his phone to check the time. “I mean, it’s 4:30, you really don’t have to-”
“Ryland.” Simon looked over his shoulder with a playful scowl. They had been having this conversation for the past half hour.
“Right, right. Thank you,” the blond chuckled his response.
“We’re almost done anyway. You’d have been here another hour without me.”
Ryland stretched, backing away from the wall. “Yeah, probably…”
“Definitely.” Simon stepped up next to him, the two walking down towards the next blank space on the wall.
They fell into a silence, continuing their work, until the science teacher couldn’t bear the quiet anymore. “So, how was it?”
“Hm?”
“The club, how was it?” Ryland repeated, nodding back towards his classroom.
“Oh,” Simon stuck another page onto the wall. “Uh, it was…” he trailed off.
“You can tell me if you hated it.”
“No! No it was-it was nice.” Simon reeled around, calming upon seeing the teasing smile on the science teacher’s face. “The kids seemed excited.”
“They were excited about you being there.” Ryland chuckled.
“No, they were excited to be there, with you teaching them…”
The blond waved his hand dismissively. “I’m old news, they’re all obsessed with the cool new guy now.”
Simon rolled his eyes, looking back to the pages in his hand. “I don’t know about that…”
“Well I do.” Ryland turned his head, trying to catch Simon’s eye again. “You keep showing up, and you’ll be taking over the club.”
“I don’t know enough about this stuff for that…”
Ryland laughed, “You’re a fast learner.”
The English teacher finally met his eye. “You’re a good teacher.”
Warmth flooded the science teacher’s chest. “Well, uh…” He swallowed, trying very hard to concentrate on his words rather than the way Simon’s dark eyes reflected the lights above them. “If you wanna keep learning, you’ll have to keep coming to the meetings…”
“Would you really want me there?”
Ryland paused. “Yeah, I want you there…” he replied, earnestly. “Do you want to be there?”
“Yeah… yeah. I want to be there.”
“Cool.”
“Cool.”
The two teachers stared at each other for a moment longer, before Ryland broke eye contact, glancing down at the papers in his hands. “Uh, well, just a few more of these, huh?”
Simon blinked, drawing in a breath. “Uh, yeah, yeah, almost done.”
The two continued their work, Ryland finishing his stack before Simon, which afforded him the pleasure of watching the English teacher finish his. The brunet chuckled. “You gave me the bigger pile on purpose, admit it,” he teased.
“Promise I didn't notice,” Ryland chuckled back.
Simon suddenly paused as he pulled the next one off the pile, his fingers tracing over the straight lines. Ryland glanced over, seeing the gay flag that Simon had colored.
“I didn't know this one had its own flag, kinda thought it was just the rainbow…”
“Yeah, it was designed in uh, 2019 I think? It's been gaining traction.”
Simon hummed his response, finally adding the picture to the wall. His hand lingered on it for a moment.
A thought crossed Ryland’s mind at that. Wait… Is he?...
“So, two more.” The English teacher pushed one into the other's hands. “Make yourself useful, why don't you?” He teased.
Ryland huffed out a laugh. “But you were doing so well on your own.”
Simon laughed warmly. Ryland liked that sound. The two chatted idly as they finished hanging up the posters, then walked out of the building together. The entire time, that question danced on the science teacher’s mind. Should I ask him? Would that be awkward?
“Ryland? You good?”
The science teacher blinked. “Hm?”
“You got quiet for a second.” Simon smirked at him. “What’s on your mind?”
I absolutely cannot ask him if he's gay, get a grip Ryland. “Oh, uh, guess I'm just tired, heh. Ready to get home and uh, scrounge up some food.”
The English teacher nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer. “Alright, well, see you tomorrow then?”
Oh yeah, we are in the parking lot aren't we. “Yep, see you tomorrow.” Ryland nodded, heading over to his bike.
“Do you, uh…” The other man started.
“Hm? What was that?”
“Uh… nevermind…” Simon tore his eyes off of Ryland’s bike. “Have a good night.”
“O-ok… you too.” The blond watched Simon as he got into his car, seemingly waiting for him to leave first. Aw, that's sweet. Ryland nodded towards him, swinging a leg over his bike and kicking off.
It doesn’t really matter if Simon is gay or not, that's his business. Ryland glanced over his shoulder one last time, before turning out into the bike lane. That's his information to volunteer. It doesn’t matter either way…
Ryland ignored the hopeful feeling that arose in his chest at the thought of the other man’s potential queerness.
Simon shifted in his seat, the light from his ancient computer screen straining his eyes. He blinked, sighing, and sat back for a moment. His half finished dinner sat at the side of his desk, getting colder by the second.
Really, he should have been working. He had homework to grade, lesson plans to get in order, anything other than what he was doing. And yet…
He glanced back at his computer screen, the bright colors on the page incriminating him. The Demisexual flag looked back at him, along with the article he had read about three times by now about it.
He had learned about Asexuality in the club, and he supposed it made sense. If some people aren't attracted to certain genders, it stands to reason that some people wouldn't be into others at all. Though he was having trouble getting his head around Demisexual, specifically. He reread the description; ‘Demisexuality is [...] used to describe individuals who rarely or never experience sexual attraction [...], and do not typically experience attraction immediately after a first encounter.’
I may just be stupid.
You are stupid.
Simon shook his head, switching over to another tab. He'd come back to that one. The blue, pink, and white stripes greeted him on this page. This one he understood. He had had a Brother-uh, Sister?-back in Eden who left because she was transgender. The Father had done this whole sermon about “losing one of our own to the Devil's influence” or some bullshit. Whatever. He'd looked her up, best he could, after getting out himself. She seemed so much happier now.
That sinner is going against God's will, just like you…
Simon rolled his eyes. Didn't God give us free will? Why is his will more important than ours? Shut up Ellie.
Ryland’s face crossed his mind, golden hair framing crinkled eyes, sunshine smile beaming up at him. Ryland seemed happy too. I don’t care who he was before, this is who he is now.
Simon hesitantly clicked over to his final open tab. Pink, purple, and blue stared back at him. This one he'd seen before, during his drunken days after getting discharged. In the bars he'd frequent, especially during June. He remembered getting a tongue shoved down his throat by a guy wearing nothing but that flag—
SINNER SINNER SINNER SINNER SINNER SINNER SINNER SIN—
—Aaand he remembered why he tried not to think of those days. Without the alcohol, Ellie was a lot louder. He sighed.
So this means Ryland could, potentially, hypothetically, possibly, maybe be attracted to… me…
His heart fluttered, warmth washing over him, and he closed his eyes. Fuck.
He groaned, leaning back in his chair and covering his warm face with his hand. “Goddammit Simon, you're a grown ass man. Stop acting like some lovesick puppy…”
A weight shifted at his feet. He looked down at the terrier mix that had made a pillow out of his ankle. She looked up at him.
“No offense.”
Laika lifted her head, mouth dropping open in a happy pant and tail wagging. She was just happy to be acknowledged. He chuckled softly, leaning down to pet her. “You're so lucky you don't have to deal with stupid human emotions, like love…” The terrier mix licked his hand happily, sitting up and resting her head in his lap.
A whirring sound caught his attention, as his computer tower’s fan kicked in. He patted it gently, “don't die on me just yet.” Turning to the screen again, he let his eyes rest on the flag still on screen. This doesn't change anything. It can't… I still can't… His heart ached.
He still wouldn't love you.
Simon shook his head. Nothing can come of this. It's just a stupid crush. It'll go away…
He hesitantly closed the tabs, sighing as his default background lit his face. His thoughts still raced with Ryland at the forefront. His hair, his eyes, his smile, his stupid crooked glasses. Simon watched nothing on his screen. Those pins on his bag, the ones that showed off his flags, crossed his mind. The ones that he'd neglected to notice before. Maybe that had been on purpose.
He opened his browser once more. He wasn't sure why he kept fixating on those pins. Pride pins. Pride…
Pride is a sin, just like all the other sins you live by.
Oh fuck off Ellie. He typed what he was looking for into the search bar.
What's there to be proud of, anyway? It won't save you.
I said fuck. Off.
You'll burn in Hell, and maybe he'll burn with you.
"Fuck. Off." He seethed.
Laika whined, jumping into his lap. Ah, so he was getting a little worked up. Now that he was paying attention, he heard his racing heartbeat in his ear. Laika assumed her usual position, resting her head into the crook of his neck. Simon stroked her back, kissing her head. “Good girl Laika. I'm ok…” He evened out his breath.
The results of his search flashed on screen. He let them wash over him for a minute.
“I'm allowed to be proud, right Laika?” The terrier mix nuzzled into him. Guess that's as good of an answer as I'm getting.
He slowly reached his hand over to the mouse. I'm allowed to be proud, after everything I've been through. He hovered the mouse over a button on the screen. I'm allowed… He clicked. He had always liked the color teal anyway.
Ryland hummed an acknowledgement towards Rocky. “The other scientist said what? Adrian should have insulted him more.”
“This is what I said, Grace. Knowing you, you would have said something much more scathing.”
The science teacher chuckled. “I’m glad those days are behind me.” He sipped his coffee.
“How many today?”
“Two, including this one, and that’s the truth,” Ryland retorted.
Rocky hummed, nodding, a pleased look on his face. “Good. Your medicine is kicking in already?”
The science teacher huffed. “Yeah, it's fast acting.” He had picked it up Wednesday, after work. Taking it both yesterday, and now today, Friday. Though, of course, keeping up during the weekend might be tricky. Oh well. He brought his travel mug to his lips.
Rocky clicked his tongue. “I could kiss Pendejo for getting you to call.”
Ryland nearly choked on his coffee. “R-Rocky, wh- don’t- why would you-” he coughed through his words.
The math teacher held a smug expression. “You worried I might steal him from you?” He teased.
“Rocky.”
“Eh, you can keep Mr. Muscles, Huevón.” He kept walking casually. “You know meatheaded brutes are not my type.”
Ryland was about to chastise further, when a third voice joined them. “Anyone I know?”
The science teacher nearly jumped out of his skin, turning to see Simon walking up towards them.
“Simon!” he yelped.
The English teacher chuckled. “Morning Mr. Rocky.”
The math teacher nodded his acknowledgement, then continued walking at a leisurely pace.
“I didn't mean to scare you that bad man, are you good?” Simon took his place beside Ryland.
“I'm-I'm fine. You didn't scare me…” the science teacher huffed.
“Uh huh.”
“You startled me.”
“Right.”
Ryland squinted at the other teacher, who wore a smug smirk. “This gonna be a habit of yours, startling me?”
The brunet shrugged. “Only if you keep making that funny noise when I do.”
The science teacher scoffed, and set off toward the school. “Unbelievable, why do I make such rude friends?”
Simon chuckled, following after. “Speaking of, did he really call me a ‘meatheaded brute?’” He nodded towards Rocky.
Ryland tripped over nothing, a slight blush creeping over his face. “Oh, you heard that?”
“A little bit.” Simon shrugged. “He really holds a hell of a grudge, doesn't he?”
“H-how much of that conversation did you hear?” Ryland asked, trying very hard to keep his tone even.
“Uh, just picked up ‘meatheaded brutes are not my type,’ why?”
The science teacher tried very hard not to sigh in relief. “No reason, just curious.”
“Ok…” Simon dropped the subject.
Ryland finally allowed himself to look back at his friend, and when he did a glint caught his eye on the other man’s bag. A small, circular pin sat there, sporting green, teal, white, blue, and purple lines. His heart skipped a beat.
Simon followed his eyes. “Oh, yeah, that. I uh…” He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I took inspiration from you…”
Ryland glanced down at his own bag, pins on display, and let out a short breath. “Hah, cool. Very cool.” Oh my gosh… Heat once again pooled in his cheeks.
“I uh… I never really liked the rainbow, it kinda felt like too much…” He cleared his throat. “A-anyway…” He seemingly didn't have a follow up topic to change to.
“That's great- I-I mean, I think teal suits you- I mean…” Ryland trailed off, instead opting for a reassuring smile.
Simon smiled back, the tension in his shoulders releasing. “Uh, well… I'll see you in the lounge?” A request.
“I'll see you there.” A promise.
Simon nodded, then walked into the school.
Oh. When had they reached the front door? When did Rocky ditch them? Ryland sighed, dragging his hand through his hair and looking up at the sky. He couldn't get the smile off his face.
So. Simon is gay. Cool.
He ignored the warm feeling that information elicited in his chest.